The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 4, Episode 6 - Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie - full transcript
During Parent-Teacher Night at school, Ms. Krabappel tells Marge she is troubled by Bart's increasingly demonic behavior. She urges Homer and Marge to be more strict with Bart when it comes to discipline. They try out Krabappel's advice when Bart damages Grampa's dentures in his latest household antics and ground him from supper. Bart realizes he needs to change, but when Homer comes into his room with pizza, he decides he can get away with anything. However, Bart eventually presses his luck. One day when he is asked to watch Maggie, she wanders off and knocks the car in gear, crashing it into Springfield Prison (resulting in a massive jailbreak). This time, Homer decides he needs to be severe with Bart: He can never watch the soon-to-open "The Itchy and Scratchy Movie," a movie that has seen a massive advertising blitz in Springfield. Bart forlornly watches a long line for the movie extend past his house, and as the months pass, he finally realizes he needs to change. Homer tells him that through proper discipline, anything is possible - even Krabappel's earlier remark that Bart could one day become Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. In the closing tag (set 40 years into the future), Homer and Bart watch "The Itchy and Scratchy Movie" at an oldies theater.
[Chorus]
## The Simpsons ##
[Bell Ringing]
[Whistle Blowing]
[ Beeping ]
## [Jazzy Solo ]
[ Beeping ]
[ Tires Screeching ]
D'oh!
[ Screams ]
[Air Hissing]
[Captain Kirk]
Captain's log. Stardate 6051.
Had trouble sleeping last night.
My hiatal hernia is acting up.
The ship is drafty and damp.
I complain,
but nobody listens.
[Man Announcing]
Star Trek XI: So Very Tired.
See the original cast in their latest,
greatest adventure.
Captain, Klingons
Off the starboard bow.
Again with the Klingons!
Mr. Scott, give me full power.
It's no good, Captain.
I cannot reach the control panel.
Movies! What a rip-off!.
I don't have to sit here
and take this! I--
[ Snoring ]
- Hubba hubba. Oh, you kid.
- Thank you, dear.
Now, be good for Grampa while
we're at the parent teacher meeting.
- We'll bring back dinner.
- What are we gonna have?
Well, that depends
on what the teachers say.
If you've been good, pizza.
If you've been bad...
uh, let's see-- poison.
What if one of us has been good
and one of us has been bad?
- Poisoned pizza.
- Oh, no. I'm not making two stops.
All right. I'll talk to
Lisa's teacher this year.
- You can have Bart's.
- That's the way we do it every year.
All right. Tell you what. I'm thinking
Of a number between 1 and 50.
- Is it 37?
- D'oh! I mean, no.
- Homer!
- Please, Marge? Please, please,
please, please, please?
- Oh, all right.
- Whoo-hoo!
- U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A!
- [Horn Honking]
Agh!
- [ Flatulent Noise ]
- [ Gasps ]
Hee-hee!
Bart has been guilty
Of the following atrocities--
synthesizing a laxative
from peas and carrots...
replacing my birth control pills
with Tic Tacs.
Well, I'm sorry. I'm sure
Bart doesn't really mean to be bad.
- [ Snoring ]
- Now's our chance to be bad. [ Chuckles ]
Mr. Simpson, I just
wanted to tell you...
that you've done
a wonderful job with Lisa.
- You must have read to her at a young age.
- I did.
I did read to her.
"8:00. Happy Days.
"The Fonz, Henry Winkler...
is worried
he's losing his cool."
Well, I've always been a firm believer
in the three "Rs"--
reading TV Guide, um...
writing to TV Guide
and renewing TV Guide.
Now, we don't usually do this, but we have
some witnesses. Come in, Arthur.
Now, where did Bart
stick the fireworks?
- [ Gasps ]
- [ Snoring ]
Over the lips and past the gums--
look out dentures, here I come.
- Ew!
- [ Growls ]
- [ Chuckles ]
- [ Growls ]
"My child is on the honor roll
at Springfield Elementary."
You know, I never thought
I'd find a replacement...
for my "Where's the Beef?"
bumper sticker.
[ Chuckles ]
"Where's the Beef?"
Uh, we'd like the desk back,
Mr. Simpson.
Huh?
[ Chuckles ] Oh.
## [ Lively]
Yaah!
I really don't see
how this helps Bart.
-Just do it.
- [ Groans ]
- Busted!
- Homer, we have a problem here.
Are you kidding?
Lisa turned out perfect.
I won't stand here and listen
To you bad-mouthing Lisa!
- We're talking about Bart!
- Oh. That guy.
I think the problem here
is discipline.
- If Bart does something wrong,
you should punish him.
- Well, we try.
But he has this way ofmaking
us think we've punished him...
when actually
we've completely caved in.
- He's the boy you love to hate.
- Well, you've got to start being firm with him.
I believe, with persistent
discipline...
even the poorest student can
end up becoming, oh, say...
chief justice
of the Supreme Court.
Chief justice
Of the Supreme Court.
What great men he would join--
john Marshall...
Charles Evans Hughes,
Warren Berger--
Mmm, burger.
- And what if we don't?
- Then there's no telling how low he can sink.
[Man]
All right, ladies.
Prepare to be blownaway
By Bang Bang Bart.
- #### [Dance]
- [ Pistols Firing ]
[ All Booing ]
- You're fat!
-Just more of me to love, honey.
- [ Booing Continues ]
- [ Groaning ]
Oh! My poor baby!
[Car Tires Screech]
- [Car Doors Shut]
- Uh-oh.
What? What's that?
- Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. Home already?
- [ Muttering ]
Boy, time really flies
when you're reading--
The Bible? Ew.
- Well, we brought some pizza.
- [ Exclaiming, Indistinct ]
If you don't start making more sense,
we're gonna have to put you in a home.
You already put me in a home.
Then we'll put you in the crooked home
we saw on 60Minutes.
I'll be good.
Look what your bad egg
Of a son did to my teeth!
Dad, you and your stories.
"Bart broke my teeth."
"The nurses are stealing my money."
"This thing on my neck is getting bigger."
Now, this is exactly what
Bart's teacher was talking about.
Our son did something wrong,
and you look the other way.
But, Marge, look at that
hangdog expression.
He's learned his lesson.
- Let's get him a present.
- [ Groans ]
- Please, Homer.
Why do I always have to be the bad guy?
- All right, all right.
Young man, since you broke Grampa's teeth,
he gets to break yours.
Oh, this is gonna be sweet.
- No, no, no!
- Ohh.
Bart, we're sending you
to bed without your supper.
Yeah, right. Like you're
gonna let me go hungry.
I'll be eating that pizza
in five minutes.
- Bart, stop being confident.
- [Grampa] Doggoneit!
- Ohh.
- Oh, Grampa.
I'm starving!
Somebody bring me some food quick!
- I'm a-comin', boy!
- [Marge]Homer, get back here!
There must be something
to eat around here.
- [ Whimpering ]
- Hmm.
- [ Panting ]
- [ Yelps ]
Gee, maybe they mean it
this time.
- From now on, I guess I'd
better straighten up and fly--
- [Homer]Bart.
Don't tell your mother,
but I brought you some pizza.
just promise me
you'll try to be good.
- I promise.
- That-a-boy.
[ Chuckling ]
Sucker.
- [ Pistol Cocks ]
- Well, well.
If it isn't the tooth fairy.
[ Man ] Coming for Christmas,
The Itchy and Scratchy Movie.
[ Laughing Maniacally]
[ Gasps ]
Bart!
Stick around,
Mr. Bond.
Things are really
starting to cook.
[Chuckling Evilly]
[Lisa]Bart, come quick!
There's an Itchy and Scratchy movie!
[ Gasps ]
[ Man ]
If you want suspense--
[ Screaming ]
romance--
Mmm!
you'll find it in
The Itchy and Scratchy Movie...
coming soon
to a theater near you.
- Fifty-three percent new footage.
- Wow.
- Bart, did you take out the garbage like I asked?
- Indeed I did.
-[Goats Bleating]
- D'oh!
- Hey, you goats get out of here!
- [ Hissing ]
Boy, you're gonna have
to be punished for this.
Dad, you could punish me.
But that means you have to
think of a punishment...
sit here
and make sure I do it--
- Ohh.
- Or you could let me go play with Milhouse...
while you spend the afternoon watching
unpredictable Mexican sitcoms.
?Ay, elest?mago!
[ Chuckles ]
Run along, you little scamp.
- [ Gasps ]
- Huh?
[ Chuckling ]
####[Singing]
Bart!
Why are you doing that?
- I don't know.
- Well, this time you must be punished!
Well, you could
punish me, but--
No tricks, boy.
I said I'm gonna punish you.
And come
hell or high water, I--
- ####[Faint]
- Wait a minute!
[ Gasps ]
Ice cream truck!
[ All Clamoring ]
Me! Me!
I was here first!
Mmm. Now, what were
we talking about, boy?
Uh, we were talking about
the time you beat jury duty.
Oh, yeah.
The trick is...
to say you're prejudiced
against all races.
- We're home!
- We got beets!
- Bart, are you pulling up the carpet?
- Uh-huh.
- Why are you letting him do this?
- I don't know.
- Well, punish him.
- All right, all right. Bart, go toyour room.
See you in the funny pages.
- How could you let this happen?
- How could you let this happen?
- I wasn't here.
- Oh, how convenient.
Homer, do you want your son to become
Chief justice of the Supreme Court...
or a sleazy male stripper?
Can't he be both,
like the late Earl Warren?
- Earl Warren wasn't a stripper.
- Now who's being naive?
- Look, you have to help discipline your son.
- All right, Marge.
I swear to you-- the next time he does something
wrong, I'll punish him and make it stick.
[ Kent Brockman ]
Tonight on Eye on Springfield...
we meet a man who's been
hiccupping for 45 years.
[ Hiccups ] Kill me.
[ Hiccups ] Kill me.
But first, we'll examine the growing
Itchy and Scratchy mania...
with their new movie
premiering today.
I got my ticket.
[ Kent Brockman ]
I'm here live in Korea...
to give you a firsthand look
at how American cartoons are made.
But first, let's take
a look back at the year 1 928...
a year when you might
have seen Al Capone...
dancing the Charleston
on top of a flagpole.
## [ Fast Jazz ]
Yaah!
It was also the year
Of the very first Scratchy cartoon...
entitled "That Happy Cat."
## [ Orchestra ]
## [ Whistling Along ]
The film did very poorly.
But the following year, Scratchy was teamed up
with a psychotic young mouse named Itchy...
and cartoon history was made.
Here's their first cartoon
together-- "Steamboat Itchy."
## [ Whistling ]
- [ Whistle Sounds ]
- [ Horn Tooting ]
## [ Whistling ]
[ Screaming ]
- [ Screaming ]
- [ Chuckling ]
Oh, me, oh, my.
- ## [ Fanfare ]
- [ Laughing ]
During the war, Itchy and Scratchy
put their differences aside...
and teamed up
to fight a bigger foe.
## [ Patriotic ]
We'll be back with a real-life
Itchy and Scratchy--
a rabid mouse in Boston
who attacked and killed...
a small cat.
[ Chuckling ]
Bart, didn't I ask you
to watch Maggie?
Sounds like something you'd say.
Hey, where is she?
Oh, my Lord!
Oh, isn't that cute.
A baby driving a car.
And look.
There's a dog driving a bus.
Hey!
[Alarm Sounding]
All right!
Time for a crime spree.
All right, boy. This calls for the biggest
punishment I ever handed down...
and this time
it's gonna stick.
- Come on, Homer. This isn't funny.
- Damn right!
Bart, you can't go to see that
Itchy and Scratchy movie ever!
[ Gasps ]
[ Groans ]
Oh, no! Beta!
Dad, you gotta let me
see that movie.
Can't you just
give me a spanking?
Come on. Go nuts.
Don't point that thing at me. I said you're not
going to the movie, and I'm sticking to it.
Dad, I agree that
Bart should be punished...
but The Itchy and Scratchy Movie
is the defining event of our generation.
How would you've liked it if someone told you
That you couldn't watch the moon landing?
Hmm.
That's one small step
for man.
One giant leap for mankind.
[ Sniffles ]
## [ Singing Pop ]
## [ Singing Continues ]
Sorry, but the punishment stands.
I regret nothing!
[ Groans ]
- Someday you'll thank me for this, son.
- Not bloody likely.
No, it's true.
You know, when I was a boy...
I really wanted a catcher's mitt,
but my dad wouldn't get it for me.
So I held my breath until I passed out
and banged my head on the coffee table.
The doctor thought
I might have brain damage.
- Dad, what's the point of this story?
- I like stories.
Can I please
go to the movie?
I know my punishment might seem
a little harsh, but I can't go back on it.
- You're welcome to watch
anything you want on TV.
- TV sucks.
I know you're upset right now,
so I'll pretend you didn't say that!
[ Man On TV] The master craftsman
can make three mailboxes an hour.
I'm not licked yet.
I can entertain myself.
No matter how good a movie is,
it can't compare...
to the imagination
of a small boy.
[ Groans ]
- How was it?
- It wasn't that great.
- Be honest.
- It was the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life!
And you wouldn't believe
the celebrities who did cameos--
Dustin Hoffman,
Michael Jackson--
Of course, they didn't use their real names,
But you could tell it was them.
- Lisa!
- Sorry, Bart.
It's just not the same.
I've seen The Itchy and Scratchy Movie
13 times.
I've seen it 17 times.
You guys must be getting pretty
tired of that movie by now.
- No one who saw the movie would say that!
- Let's get him!
[ Screams ]
Homer, we'd like
to talk to you.
But then I won't be watching TV.
You can see the bind I'm in.
Dad, you've gotta let Bart see that movie.
I've never seen him like this.
He has the demented melancholia
Of a Tennessee Williams heroine.
- Don't you think I know that?
- Well, it's been two months.
You laid down the law,
and I'm proud of you.
- But I think we've gotten through to him.
- Ah, sweet, softhearted Marge.
You just can't see
the big picture.
If I stick to my guns,
the boy could wind up...
chief justice
of the Supreme Court.
If I fail,
the best he could do...
is judge at a Mr. Tight Buns
competition.
I can't let that happen. I won't let that happen.
And I can't let that happen.
One for Itchy and Scratchy.
- We promised your dad we wouldn't.
- [ Groans ]
I'm here
at the Springfield Aztec Theater...
where, after eight months
and nine Academy Awards...
The Itchy and Scratchy Movie
is showing for the last time.
Tomorrow, a new movie starring Liza Minnelli
and Mickey Rourke will open.
Will it be as successful?
Only time will tell.
Well, Dad,
I guess you won.
No, son.
We both won.
You don't know it now,
but I've started you on the road...
to somewhere
very special.
Well, I'll be.
The Itchy and Scratchy Movie.
Come on.
What do you say?
All right. I think
you've learned your lesson.
One senior citizen and one chief justice
Of the Supreme Court.
Eh, eh, eh.
I'll get it, son.
- That'll be $650.
- D'oh.
One Soylent Green,
hold the butter.
Mmm. Soylent Green.
## [ Theme ]
Get out. Get out!
Yea!
- [ Horn Sounds ]
- [ Screams ]
Which one's the mouse?
- Itchy.
- Itchy's a jerk.
[ Chuckling ]
Yeah.
- [ People Chattering ]
- Shh!
## The Simpsons ##
[Bell Ringing]
[Whistle Blowing]
[ Beeping ]
## [Jazzy Solo ]
[ Beeping ]
[ Tires Screeching ]
D'oh!
[ Screams ]
[Air Hissing]
[Captain Kirk]
Captain's log. Stardate 6051.
Had trouble sleeping last night.
My hiatal hernia is acting up.
The ship is drafty and damp.
I complain,
but nobody listens.
[Man Announcing]
Star Trek XI: So Very Tired.
See the original cast in their latest,
greatest adventure.
Captain, Klingons
Off the starboard bow.
Again with the Klingons!
Mr. Scott, give me full power.
It's no good, Captain.
I cannot reach the control panel.
Movies! What a rip-off!.
I don't have to sit here
and take this! I--
[ Snoring ]
- Hubba hubba. Oh, you kid.
- Thank you, dear.
Now, be good for Grampa while
we're at the parent teacher meeting.
- We'll bring back dinner.
- What are we gonna have?
Well, that depends
on what the teachers say.
If you've been good, pizza.
If you've been bad...
uh, let's see-- poison.
What if one of us has been good
and one of us has been bad?
- Poisoned pizza.
- Oh, no. I'm not making two stops.
All right. I'll talk to
Lisa's teacher this year.
- You can have Bart's.
- That's the way we do it every year.
All right. Tell you what. I'm thinking
Of a number between 1 and 50.
- Is it 37?
- D'oh! I mean, no.
- Homer!
- Please, Marge? Please, please,
please, please, please?
- Oh, all right.
- Whoo-hoo!
- U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A!
- [Horn Honking]
Agh!
- [ Flatulent Noise ]
- [ Gasps ]
Hee-hee!
Bart has been guilty
Of the following atrocities--
synthesizing a laxative
from peas and carrots...
replacing my birth control pills
with Tic Tacs.
Well, I'm sorry. I'm sure
Bart doesn't really mean to be bad.
- [ Snoring ]
- Now's our chance to be bad. [ Chuckles ]
Mr. Simpson, I just
wanted to tell you...
that you've done
a wonderful job with Lisa.
- You must have read to her at a young age.
- I did.
I did read to her.
"8:00. Happy Days.
"The Fonz, Henry Winkler...
is worried
he's losing his cool."
Well, I've always been a firm believer
in the three "Rs"--
reading TV Guide, um...
writing to TV Guide
and renewing TV Guide.
Now, we don't usually do this, but we have
some witnesses. Come in, Arthur.
Now, where did Bart
stick the fireworks?
- [ Gasps ]
- [ Snoring ]
Over the lips and past the gums--
look out dentures, here I come.
- Ew!
- [ Growls ]
- [ Chuckles ]
- [ Growls ]
"My child is on the honor roll
at Springfield Elementary."
You know, I never thought
I'd find a replacement...
for my "Where's the Beef?"
bumper sticker.
[ Chuckles ]
"Where's the Beef?"
Uh, we'd like the desk back,
Mr. Simpson.
Huh?
[ Chuckles ] Oh.
## [ Lively]
Yaah!
I really don't see
how this helps Bart.
-Just do it.
- [ Groans ]
- Busted!
- Homer, we have a problem here.
Are you kidding?
Lisa turned out perfect.
I won't stand here and listen
To you bad-mouthing Lisa!
- We're talking about Bart!
- Oh. That guy.
I think the problem here
is discipline.
- If Bart does something wrong,
you should punish him.
- Well, we try.
But he has this way ofmaking
us think we've punished him...
when actually
we've completely caved in.
- He's the boy you love to hate.
- Well, you've got to start being firm with him.
I believe, with persistent
discipline...
even the poorest student can
end up becoming, oh, say...
chief justice
of the Supreme Court.
Chief justice
Of the Supreme Court.
What great men he would join--
john Marshall...
Charles Evans Hughes,
Warren Berger--
Mmm, burger.
- And what if we don't?
- Then there's no telling how low he can sink.
[Man]
All right, ladies.
Prepare to be blownaway
By Bang Bang Bart.
- #### [Dance]
- [ Pistols Firing ]
[ All Booing ]
- You're fat!
-Just more of me to love, honey.
- [ Booing Continues ]
- [ Groaning ]
Oh! My poor baby!
[Car Tires Screech]
- [Car Doors Shut]
- Uh-oh.
What? What's that?
- Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. Home already?
- [ Muttering ]
Boy, time really flies
when you're reading--
The Bible? Ew.
- Well, we brought some pizza.
- [ Exclaiming, Indistinct ]
If you don't start making more sense,
we're gonna have to put you in a home.
You already put me in a home.
Then we'll put you in the crooked home
we saw on 60Minutes.
I'll be good.
Look what your bad egg
Of a son did to my teeth!
Dad, you and your stories.
"Bart broke my teeth."
"The nurses are stealing my money."
"This thing on my neck is getting bigger."
Now, this is exactly what
Bart's teacher was talking about.
Our son did something wrong,
and you look the other way.
But, Marge, look at that
hangdog expression.
He's learned his lesson.
- Let's get him a present.
- [ Groans ]
- Please, Homer.
Why do I always have to be the bad guy?
- All right, all right.
Young man, since you broke Grampa's teeth,
he gets to break yours.
Oh, this is gonna be sweet.
- No, no, no!
- Ohh.
Bart, we're sending you
to bed without your supper.
Yeah, right. Like you're
gonna let me go hungry.
I'll be eating that pizza
in five minutes.
- Bart, stop being confident.
- [Grampa] Doggoneit!
- Ohh.
- Oh, Grampa.
I'm starving!
Somebody bring me some food quick!
- I'm a-comin', boy!
- [Marge]Homer, get back here!
There must be something
to eat around here.
- [ Whimpering ]
- Hmm.
- [ Panting ]
- [ Yelps ]
Gee, maybe they mean it
this time.
- From now on, I guess I'd
better straighten up and fly--
- [Homer]Bart.
Don't tell your mother,
but I brought you some pizza.
just promise me
you'll try to be good.
- I promise.
- That-a-boy.
[ Chuckling ]
Sucker.
- [ Pistol Cocks ]
- Well, well.
If it isn't the tooth fairy.
[ Man ] Coming for Christmas,
The Itchy and Scratchy Movie.
[ Laughing Maniacally]
[ Gasps ]
Bart!
Stick around,
Mr. Bond.
Things are really
starting to cook.
[Chuckling Evilly]
[Lisa]Bart, come quick!
There's an Itchy and Scratchy movie!
[ Gasps ]
[ Man ]
If you want suspense--
[ Screaming ]
romance--
Mmm!
you'll find it in
The Itchy and Scratchy Movie...
coming soon
to a theater near you.
- Fifty-three percent new footage.
- Wow.
- Bart, did you take out the garbage like I asked?
- Indeed I did.
-[Goats Bleating]
- D'oh!
- Hey, you goats get out of here!
- [ Hissing ]
Boy, you're gonna have
to be punished for this.
Dad, you could punish me.
But that means you have to
think of a punishment...
sit here
and make sure I do it--
- Ohh.
- Or you could let me go play with Milhouse...
while you spend the afternoon watching
unpredictable Mexican sitcoms.
?Ay, elest?mago!
[ Chuckles ]
Run along, you little scamp.
- [ Gasps ]
- Huh?
[ Chuckling ]
####[Singing]
Bart!
Why are you doing that?
- I don't know.
- Well, this time you must be punished!
Well, you could
punish me, but--
No tricks, boy.
I said I'm gonna punish you.
And come
hell or high water, I--
- ####[Faint]
- Wait a minute!
[ Gasps ]
Ice cream truck!
[ All Clamoring ]
Me! Me!
I was here first!
Mmm. Now, what were
we talking about, boy?
Uh, we were talking about
the time you beat jury duty.
Oh, yeah.
The trick is...
to say you're prejudiced
against all races.
- We're home!
- We got beets!
- Bart, are you pulling up the carpet?
- Uh-huh.
- Why are you letting him do this?
- I don't know.
- Well, punish him.
- All right, all right. Bart, go toyour room.
See you in the funny pages.
- How could you let this happen?
- How could you let this happen?
- I wasn't here.
- Oh, how convenient.
Homer, do you want your son to become
Chief justice of the Supreme Court...
or a sleazy male stripper?
Can't he be both,
like the late Earl Warren?
- Earl Warren wasn't a stripper.
- Now who's being naive?
- Look, you have to help discipline your son.
- All right, Marge.
I swear to you-- the next time he does something
wrong, I'll punish him and make it stick.
[ Kent Brockman ]
Tonight on Eye on Springfield...
we meet a man who's been
hiccupping for 45 years.
[ Hiccups ] Kill me.
[ Hiccups ] Kill me.
But first, we'll examine the growing
Itchy and Scratchy mania...
with their new movie
premiering today.
I got my ticket.
[ Kent Brockman ]
I'm here live in Korea...
to give you a firsthand look
at how American cartoons are made.
But first, let's take
a look back at the year 1 928...
a year when you might
have seen Al Capone...
dancing the Charleston
on top of a flagpole.
## [ Fast Jazz ]
Yaah!
It was also the year
Of the very first Scratchy cartoon...
entitled "That Happy Cat."
## [ Orchestra ]
## [ Whistling Along ]
The film did very poorly.
But the following year, Scratchy was teamed up
with a psychotic young mouse named Itchy...
and cartoon history was made.
Here's their first cartoon
together-- "Steamboat Itchy."
## [ Whistling ]
- [ Whistle Sounds ]
- [ Horn Tooting ]
## [ Whistling ]
[ Screaming ]
- [ Screaming ]
- [ Chuckling ]
Oh, me, oh, my.
- ## [ Fanfare ]
- [ Laughing ]
During the war, Itchy and Scratchy
put their differences aside...
and teamed up
to fight a bigger foe.
## [ Patriotic ]
We'll be back with a real-life
Itchy and Scratchy--
a rabid mouse in Boston
who attacked and killed...
a small cat.
[ Chuckling ]
Bart, didn't I ask you
to watch Maggie?
Sounds like something you'd say.
Hey, where is she?
Oh, my Lord!
Oh, isn't that cute.
A baby driving a car.
And look.
There's a dog driving a bus.
Hey!
[Alarm Sounding]
All right!
Time for a crime spree.
All right, boy. This calls for the biggest
punishment I ever handed down...
and this time
it's gonna stick.
- Come on, Homer. This isn't funny.
- Damn right!
Bart, you can't go to see that
Itchy and Scratchy movie ever!
[ Gasps ]
[ Groans ]
Oh, no! Beta!
Dad, you gotta let me
see that movie.
Can't you just
give me a spanking?
Come on. Go nuts.
Don't point that thing at me. I said you're not
going to the movie, and I'm sticking to it.
Dad, I agree that
Bart should be punished...
but The Itchy and Scratchy Movie
is the defining event of our generation.
How would you've liked it if someone told you
That you couldn't watch the moon landing?
Hmm.
That's one small step
for man.
One giant leap for mankind.
[ Sniffles ]
## [ Singing Pop ]
## [ Singing Continues ]
Sorry, but the punishment stands.
I regret nothing!
[ Groans ]
- Someday you'll thank me for this, son.
- Not bloody likely.
No, it's true.
You know, when I was a boy...
I really wanted a catcher's mitt,
but my dad wouldn't get it for me.
So I held my breath until I passed out
and banged my head on the coffee table.
The doctor thought
I might have brain damage.
- Dad, what's the point of this story?
- I like stories.
Can I please
go to the movie?
I know my punishment might seem
a little harsh, but I can't go back on it.
- You're welcome to watch
anything you want on TV.
- TV sucks.
I know you're upset right now,
so I'll pretend you didn't say that!
[ Man On TV] The master craftsman
can make three mailboxes an hour.
I'm not licked yet.
I can entertain myself.
No matter how good a movie is,
it can't compare...
to the imagination
of a small boy.
[ Groans ]
- How was it?
- It wasn't that great.
- Be honest.
- It was the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life!
And you wouldn't believe
the celebrities who did cameos--
Dustin Hoffman,
Michael Jackson--
Of course, they didn't use their real names,
But you could tell it was them.
- Lisa!
- Sorry, Bart.
It's just not the same.
I've seen The Itchy and Scratchy Movie
13 times.
I've seen it 17 times.
You guys must be getting pretty
tired of that movie by now.
- No one who saw the movie would say that!
- Let's get him!
[ Screams ]
Homer, we'd like
to talk to you.
But then I won't be watching TV.
You can see the bind I'm in.
Dad, you've gotta let Bart see that movie.
I've never seen him like this.
He has the demented melancholia
Of a Tennessee Williams heroine.
- Don't you think I know that?
- Well, it's been two months.
You laid down the law,
and I'm proud of you.
- But I think we've gotten through to him.
- Ah, sweet, softhearted Marge.
You just can't see
the big picture.
If I stick to my guns,
the boy could wind up...
chief justice
of the Supreme Court.
If I fail,
the best he could do...
is judge at a Mr. Tight Buns
competition.
I can't let that happen. I won't let that happen.
And I can't let that happen.
One for Itchy and Scratchy.
- We promised your dad we wouldn't.
- [ Groans ]
I'm here
at the Springfield Aztec Theater...
where, after eight months
and nine Academy Awards...
The Itchy and Scratchy Movie
is showing for the last time.
Tomorrow, a new movie starring Liza Minnelli
and Mickey Rourke will open.
Will it be as successful?
Only time will tell.
Well, Dad,
I guess you won.
No, son.
We both won.
You don't know it now,
but I've started you on the road...
to somewhere
very special.
Well, I'll be.
The Itchy and Scratchy Movie.
Come on.
What do you say?
All right. I think
you've learned your lesson.
One senior citizen and one chief justice
Of the Supreme Court.
Eh, eh, eh.
I'll get it, son.
- That'll be $650.
- D'oh.
One Soylent Green,
hold the butter.
Mmm. Soylent Green.
## [ Theme ]
Get out. Get out!
Yea!
- [ Horn Sounds ]
- [ Screams ]
Which one's the mouse?
- Itchy.
- Itchy's a jerk.
[ Chuckling ]
Yeah.
- [ People Chattering ]
- Shh!