The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 30, Episode 12 - Episode #30.12 - full transcript
♪ ♪
Scientists have determined
that the secret to a long life
is to drink lots of coffee...
or no coffee at all.
Now, it's time to kill time with
"This Day in Springfield
History."
We become the first
flyover state
when the Wright Brothers
ignore us
on a voyage from Ohio
to Kentucky.
Peace breaks out
and Montgomery Burns fires
his female employees.
As the rest of America
rockets into the new frontier,
Springfield unveils a fleet
of school busses.
These buses are bursting
with American technology.
Grooved rubber mats,
and an emergency door
that any child could
accidentally open
and fall 15 feet to the street.
♪ ♪
Lis, wish me luck.
I'm going for
the lunch-boxing
middleweight title.
What does it matter?
You'll never unify the belts.
Okay, champ,
remember your game plan:
lead with your Krusty,
then jab-jab-jab with my Eeyore.
Work the vest
and the head will die.
♪ ♪
♪ Each day this bus ♪
♪ Is home to chaos ♪
♪ That little boy
is mooning me ♪
♪ This ride's a living hell ♪
♪ Right to the morning bell ♪
♪ Please tell me that
that puddle isn't pee ♪
I'm taking care
of this goldfish.
♪ All I would ask ♪
♪ Is just one friend
to ride with ♪
♪ And please not Milhouse
or Kearney ♪
Don't drag me
into your lonely song.
♪ Another girl who's smart ♪
♪ With kindness in her heart ♪
♪ Someone who's just exactly
just like... ♪
She?
Do we always have to have
the TV on during dinner?
This is a special night,
sweetie.
We've all been waiting for...
Beast Blaster!
Welcome back to the U.S. Ninja
Ultimate Beast Blaster,
where U.S. ninjas fight to
become the ultimate beast.
By defeating the ultimate beast,
an obstacle course we call
"The Ultimate Monster."
Well, I saw a cool girl
from the bus today.
It's weird-- I don't know her,
but I feel like
we could be friends.
Yeah, you're right,
I think Marcus
is gonna take it all this year.
Mm-hmm.
He's got the best narrative.
He's doing it for his buddies
at MacDill Air Force Base.
MacDill!
This is your fifth attempt
to slay the monster.
Can you give us the thoughts
that are going through
your mind?
Hmm. Isn't the first rule
of ninja
to be silent and invisible?
Shh. Watching other people live
full lives
is our family activity.
That girl I saw out the bus
window was playing the clarinet.
The clarinet.
The saxophone's cool
black friend. Yeah--
Oh, my God, what a fail!
Ooh!
I never gave up,
and I taught my kids
to follow their dreams.
Oh, no. Daddy can't hug anymore.
No-no-no.
Don't look up.
This bus is too depressing.
Backpack attack!
Ugh. It smells
like Milhouse's back.
Lisa knows what my back
smells like.
Hamster volleyball.
You lose.
Lisa counts as floor.
That's it.
There's gotta be a better place.
Otto. Stop the bus.
I wanna get off.
You're the boss.
Can we get some ice cream?
I'm not that crazy. Yogurt.
Oh, my God. I'm in that
other girl's neighborhood.
Without the baggage
of being Lisa Simpson.
Yo. Sis-boom-blah.
Little help?
Go. Go live.
Go love. Multiply.
♪ ♪
Look at all these boutiques.
I've never been
in a neighborhood
where the parking lots
were behind the stores.
This is her house.
Hello? Hello?
♪ ♪- Huh? Hmm.
Oh. Ooh.
Whoa.
Hello? It's me,
the girl on the bus!
Um, I'm moving past the tasteful
craftsman fixtures,
the eco-conscious lighting
that turns on when I enter
and turns off when I leave.
And now the jade tree,
which I'm watering
just a little.
Oh, no.
Hi, don't be afraid. I'm Lisa.
I saw you from my school bus.
At least, I think it was you.
- Why were you crying?
- Because I just read
the Pacific garbage patch grew
to 600,000 square miles.
So then I put on "The Dolphin"
by Stan Getz to cheer up.
But it was so beautiful
I cried even more.
You are just like the friend
I've described
to so many wishing wells.
By the way,
I play the saxophone.
Here. Take one.
Wait a minute-- this is gonna
end badly, isn't it?
That's just what I was thinking.
We have so much in common.
♪ ♪
So what do you do, Mrs. Monroe?
I'm a marine biologist.
I was in an improv group
and asked the audience
for an occupation, and I just
fell in love with the work.
I yes-and-ed myself
into a career.
More seitan gumbo, Lisa?
The rice is conflict-free.
Yes. It's not to die for.
Oh, your mother keeps a journal
of what you say?
She'll wear these pearls
forever.
Oh, that's good.
Oh...
♪ Some others I've seen ♪
♪ Might never be mean ♪
♪ Might never be cross ♪
♪ Or try to be boss ♪
♪ But they wouldn't do ♪
♪ For nobody else ♪
♪ Gave me a thrill ♪
♪ With all your faults ♪
♪ I love you still ♪
♪ It had to be you ♪
♪ Wonderful you ♪
♪ It had to be you. ♪
♪ ♪
Mmm.
- I love you.
- I love you.
You do not say "suck"
at the dinner table!
But veggie loaf does suck.
It sucks a whole truck
full of butts.
You leave trucks out of this.
Just eat your loafs.
How was dinner
with your friend, honey?
Suck, suck, suckity, suck,
suckity, suck.
-It's, uh, a little different,
I'd say.
-Suck, suck, suck, suck.
- Not better. Just different.
- Suck, suck, suck, suck...
Can I ask a question?
Shh. I wanna see this.
Dina and Lucas
have never met each other,
but by the time
this roller coaster
goes down this final hill,
they'll be married.
So, what do you do for fun?
I'm making a hammock
of human hair!
Boy, pass the salt.
Coming right up.
Oh!
You did that on purpose.
Well, I'm not giving you
the satisfaction.
Excuse me, I have a question.
Not now!
I like your hair!
Ah, get me out of here.
Oh, this is so good. Mmm.
Oh, just the way I like it.
Mmm. Salty. So salty.
Aging rapidly.
Where's Charlie Rose?
Please, one simple question.
What is it?
Why do we have to eat dinner
together every night?
Because it's good
for the damn family.
Now, Lisa,
I know you're a vegetarian.
Do you mind if we eat this
in front of you?
Oh, no. No.
Not at all.
And the fact that you would even
ask how I felt--
I don't need dessert,
because you being considerate
is sweet enough.
- Well put.
- So well put.
Judging from you, I'm sure your
family is just as delightful
and rinfrescante come la brezza
del lago di Como.
Yes, my family.
I try not to brag about them.
More coconut water, please.
Such a shame that we'll never,
ever meet them.
- How come?
- We're going to be moving soon.
My research grant came through.
Sam's father studies
the harmful effects
of family relocation
on children.
Takes me all over the world.
So I guess you'll never meet
my parents.
So we'll only know them through
what you say right now.
Right. Now.
Well, my father...
works with his hands;
he's a sculptor.
And your mother?
Mother is a chemist.
And I have a sister, too.
She's a professor of
non-linguistic communication.
Has a high chair.
Fascinating.
Do you have any brothers?
Nope.
My point is,
there are many scientists
who have questions
- about global warming.
- Well, that's
an interesting perspective,
Congressman.
Ooh. You can tell Terry Gross
is really mad at this guy.
Oh-oh-oh-oh, you can
just let me off right here.
No, no, no.
We'll go right to your house.
Maybe I can meet your father.
Ah, you sure can.
Hey, there he is!
Hi-diddly-ho!
Daddy!
Just go with it.
God bless you and,
as I like to say,
a hearty woo-hoo!
Well, God bless you,
Mr. Simpson.
I hate stupid Flanders!
Annoyed grunt, annoyed grunt!
Thank you.
Mmm... deception.
I got you a goodbye present.
I'm really good
at goodbye presents.
Ordered this the day I met you.
Well, I got you a Rubik's Cube.
Solve it.
What?!
My government grant
was rescinded
to pay for an exit latch
on a new fighter plane.
The good news is, now we
can meet your wonderful mother.
Oh. That is exactly
what you could do...
♪ ♪
...if I wasn't here to tell you
my parents are going
to Portugal.
Oh! We love Portugal!
Let me call them
with our top ten pastelaria!
I mean,
Portugal is their layover
when they connect to...
...Lithuania!
Have you been to Lithuania?
No. And it is quite a sore spot.
Lisa, I'll miss you.
Oh, no, I'm not going with them.
I'm staying with my...
grandfather.
That sounds right.
- Why don't you stay with us?
- Stay with your family?
In this home full of art
and culture
and you got a miniature horse?
It's a rare breed
that gets cuter as it ages.
Aw, oh...
So, what do you say?
Okay, that's it.
I've been piling lie upon lie
like a bad French farce.
So what is one more?
Wah, wah, waah.
♪ ♪
Okay, I will come over here
every night at 7:30 after my...
swimming lessons.
But also, I have to leave
at 6:30 every morning for my...
morning swimming lessons.
You're a swimmer, Lisa.
We would never presume
to question your schedule.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
How was your swimming lesson?
It went swimmingly!
♪ ♪
Wake up, sleepyhead.
Oh. Dressed so fast.
Well, when you wear the same
thing every day, it's easy.
What? Huh?
You were sleeping like teacher.
Oh, Ralph. I'm deceiving
all the people I love,
and it's so exciting.
Lies are like stars--
they always come out.
Oh, my God,
that's really profound.
I have five face holes.
One, two,
three, four, fi...
Good night, Mom.
Good night, honey.
♪ ♪
Hello, Lisa.
Sideshow Mom!
I can't believe you've
been seeing another family!
How did you know?
I found out from Ned.
He feels so guilty
about pretending
to be your father,
but he can't stop.
Look at me in sector 7-G!
D'oh diddly d'oh!
I'm sorry,
I didn't want to hurt you guys,
I really didn't,
but once I started lying,
I just couldn't stop.
It's like an addiction.
I have no idea what that's like.
Lisa, I understand
that this family isn't perfect.
Your mom has her flaws,
but there are a lot of people
who really like her.
Mom's not the problem.
So, it's Maggie.
I know she can't speak.
She's just a little S-L-O.
It's all of us, Homer.
She's embarrassed by all of us.
No! Not at all!
You said I was a chemist.
I'm not a chemist.
But you are a chemist--
in the way that you deal
with the household spills
and the way...
Oh, spare me.
And just what did you say I was?
I said you never existed.
That's the life for me!
I'm not a chemist.
I never even finished college.
I'm just someone
who devotes every day
to making your life
a little better.
What are you gonna do to me?
- I'm gonna make you get up...
- Yeah.
- go to the phone...
- Okay.
- call up that family...
- Oh, God.
and ask them to dinner with us.
They said they're free Saturday.
They'll be here at 7:00.
And they asked
if they could bring dessert!
Whew, poor kid.
Man, you're really
teaching her a lesson.
We are teaching her a lesson.
And I appreciate your support.
Come back here!
Ask her
if we can have pizza tonight.
You can have pizza,
but your father
- gets vegetables.
- D'oh!
How could she be so embarrassed
of her own family?
We've got to help Lisa make
a good impression.
Stop drinking out of that hose!
Oh, so now drinking
out of a hose
in my own bedroom
is embarrassing!
Homer. Homer?
- Homer.
- Huh?
Homer.
I'm giving you a list
of four things to say
at dinner tonight.
Four things. That's it.
One, two, three...
You're right.
At dinner tonight, I don't want
you to be somebody you aren't.
I also don't want you to be
who you are.
- So just stick to these.
- All right.
I completely angry!
That's "agree."
Oh. Much better.
And that's how
my family got
from Nigeria to London.
Tell me more about that.
I'm sorry, but I-I can't.
I've literally said everything
you could say on the topic.
You've made me recall
wonderful moments
I haven't thought of in years.
It's amazing
how Homer draws people out.
I completely angr...
a-agree.
You're a fascinating man,
Mr. Simpson.
I get my best ideas
in the shower.
Tell me one.
I've been doing all the talking.
That's really interesting.
No, please. I want to know
what's in your head.
Uh, you like beer?
I love beer!
Such a lovely family.
We're so glad
we got to know you.
Actually, you didn't.
I lied about my family.
Mom, I'm so sorry I was ashamed.
I feel worse than
I've ever felt in my life.
It will haunt
the person I become forever.
Aw, honey,
I'm just as bad as you.
I coached your father
and brother on how to act
to get through this dinner.
I've actually misled you myself.
I said I'm from Nigeria.
In truth, I moved there
when I was two.
I'm from Cameroon.
Didn't you wonder why the man
I told you was my father
didn't look like him?
I assumed
he had lost all his hair
and put on
an obscene amount of weight.
Well, it's really hard
running your own business.
You don't run your own business.
I'm starting a new farce.
Wow, honesty
really kills a party.
What do you say we all
go kick it in my new room?
- When did you get a new room?
- While everyone was focused
on Lisa,
I did a little remodel.
I didn't pull permits,
but it's up to code.
Boy, why did you do this?
Where are you gonna sleep?
Eh, sleep's for farmers.
I wanted a place to chill.
Oh, I get it.
Totally get it.
So, that's two more beers.
And... what
were you drinking there, Cheryl?
Cranapple martini.
My first happy ending!
"I completely agree."
I love you, Mom!
I love you, Sam.
I love you, Bart.
And I love you,
room.
Disco Stu, always pitchin' woo.
Ferocious, Drederick.
You and the cheetah.
Let me in.
I need to talk to the boy!
- This has gotten out of hand!
- Not on the list.
Aw, come on, man, I know him.
We hang out all the time.
Sure you do.
You can come in, sweetheart.
I'll take care of this, Homie.
Move along, sir.
You're blocking the fire escape.
Oh...!
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
Shh!
Scientists have determined
that the secret to a long life
is to drink lots of coffee...
or no coffee at all.
Now, it's time to kill time with
"This Day in Springfield
History."
We become the first
flyover state
when the Wright Brothers
ignore us
on a voyage from Ohio
to Kentucky.
Peace breaks out
and Montgomery Burns fires
his female employees.
As the rest of America
rockets into the new frontier,
Springfield unveils a fleet
of school busses.
These buses are bursting
with American technology.
Grooved rubber mats,
and an emergency door
that any child could
accidentally open
and fall 15 feet to the street.
♪ ♪
Lis, wish me luck.
I'm going for
the lunch-boxing
middleweight title.
What does it matter?
You'll never unify the belts.
Okay, champ,
remember your game plan:
lead with your Krusty,
then jab-jab-jab with my Eeyore.
Work the vest
and the head will die.
♪ ♪
♪ Each day this bus ♪
♪ Is home to chaos ♪
♪ That little boy
is mooning me ♪
♪ This ride's a living hell ♪
♪ Right to the morning bell ♪
♪ Please tell me that
that puddle isn't pee ♪
I'm taking care
of this goldfish.
♪ All I would ask ♪
♪ Is just one friend
to ride with ♪
♪ And please not Milhouse
or Kearney ♪
Don't drag me
into your lonely song.
♪ Another girl who's smart ♪
♪ With kindness in her heart ♪
♪ Someone who's just exactly
just like... ♪
She?
Do we always have to have
the TV on during dinner?
This is a special night,
sweetie.
We've all been waiting for...
Beast Blaster!
Welcome back to the U.S. Ninja
Ultimate Beast Blaster,
where U.S. ninjas fight to
become the ultimate beast.
By defeating the ultimate beast,
an obstacle course we call
"The Ultimate Monster."
Well, I saw a cool girl
from the bus today.
It's weird-- I don't know her,
but I feel like
we could be friends.
Yeah, you're right,
I think Marcus
is gonna take it all this year.
Mm-hmm.
He's got the best narrative.
He's doing it for his buddies
at MacDill Air Force Base.
MacDill!
This is your fifth attempt
to slay the monster.
Can you give us the thoughts
that are going through
your mind?
Hmm. Isn't the first rule
of ninja
to be silent and invisible?
Shh. Watching other people live
full lives
is our family activity.
That girl I saw out the bus
window was playing the clarinet.
The clarinet.
The saxophone's cool
black friend. Yeah--
Oh, my God, what a fail!
Ooh!
I never gave up,
and I taught my kids
to follow their dreams.
Oh, no. Daddy can't hug anymore.
No-no-no.
Don't look up.
This bus is too depressing.
Backpack attack!
Ugh. It smells
like Milhouse's back.
Lisa knows what my back
smells like.
Hamster volleyball.
You lose.
Lisa counts as floor.
That's it.
There's gotta be a better place.
Otto. Stop the bus.
I wanna get off.
You're the boss.
Can we get some ice cream?
I'm not that crazy. Yogurt.
Oh, my God. I'm in that
other girl's neighborhood.
Without the baggage
of being Lisa Simpson.
Yo. Sis-boom-blah.
Little help?
Go. Go live.
Go love. Multiply.
♪ ♪
Look at all these boutiques.
I've never been
in a neighborhood
where the parking lots
were behind the stores.
This is her house.
Hello? Hello?
♪ ♪- Huh? Hmm.
Oh. Ooh.
Whoa.
Hello? It's me,
the girl on the bus!
Um, I'm moving past the tasteful
craftsman fixtures,
the eco-conscious lighting
that turns on when I enter
and turns off when I leave.
And now the jade tree,
which I'm watering
just a little.
Oh, no.
Hi, don't be afraid. I'm Lisa.
I saw you from my school bus.
At least, I think it was you.
- Why were you crying?
- Because I just read
the Pacific garbage patch grew
to 600,000 square miles.
So then I put on "The Dolphin"
by Stan Getz to cheer up.
But it was so beautiful
I cried even more.
You are just like the friend
I've described
to so many wishing wells.
By the way,
I play the saxophone.
Here. Take one.
Wait a minute-- this is gonna
end badly, isn't it?
That's just what I was thinking.
We have so much in common.
♪ ♪
So what do you do, Mrs. Monroe?
I'm a marine biologist.
I was in an improv group
and asked the audience
for an occupation, and I just
fell in love with the work.
I yes-and-ed myself
into a career.
More seitan gumbo, Lisa?
The rice is conflict-free.
Yes. It's not to die for.
Oh, your mother keeps a journal
of what you say?
She'll wear these pearls
forever.
Oh, that's good.
Oh...
♪ Some others I've seen ♪
♪ Might never be mean ♪
♪ Might never be cross ♪
♪ Or try to be boss ♪
♪ But they wouldn't do ♪
♪ For nobody else ♪
♪ Gave me a thrill ♪
♪ With all your faults ♪
♪ I love you still ♪
♪ It had to be you ♪
♪ Wonderful you ♪
♪ It had to be you. ♪
♪ ♪
Mmm.
- I love you.
- I love you.
You do not say "suck"
at the dinner table!
But veggie loaf does suck.
It sucks a whole truck
full of butts.
You leave trucks out of this.
Just eat your loafs.
How was dinner
with your friend, honey?
Suck, suck, suckity, suck,
suckity, suck.
-It's, uh, a little different,
I'd say.
-Suck, suck, suck, suck.
- Not better. Just different.
- Suck, suck, suck, suck...
Can I ask a question?
Shh. I wanna see this.
Dina and Lucas
have never met each other,
but by the time
this roller coaster
goes down this final hill,
they'll be married.
So, what do you do for fun?
I'm making a hammock
of human hair!
Boy, pass the salt.
Coming right up.
Oh!
You did that on purpose.
Well, I'm not giving you
the satisfaction.
Excuse me, I have a question.
Not now!
I like your hair!
Ah, get me out of here.
Oh, this is so good. Mmm.
Oh, just the way I like it.
Mmm. Salty. So salty.
Aging rapidly.
Where's Charlie Rose?
Please, one simple question.
What is it?
Why do we have to eat dinner
together every night?
Because it's good
for the damn family.
Now, Lisa,
I know you're a vegetarian.
Do you mind if we eat this
in front of you?
Oh, no. No.
Not at all.
And the fact that you would even
ask how I felt--
I don't need dessert,
because you being considerate
is sweet enough.
- Well put.
- So well put.
Judging from you, I'm sure your
family is just as delightful
and rinfrescante come la brezza
del lago di Como.
Yes, my family.
I try not to brag about them.
More coconut water, please.
Such a shame that we'll never,
ever meet them.
- How come?
- We're going to be moving soon.
My research grant came through.
Sam's father studies
the harmful effects
of family relocation
on children.
Takes me all over the world.
So I guess you'll never meet
my parents.
So we'll only know them through
what you say right now.
Right. Now.
Well, my father...
works with his hands;
he's a sculptor.
And your mother?
Mother is a chemist.
And I have a sister, too.
She's a professor of
non-linguistic communication.
Has a high chair.
Fascinating.
Do you have any brothers?
Nope.
My point is,
there are many scientists
who have questions
- about global warming.
- Well, that's
an interesting perspective,
Congressman.
Ooh. You can tell Terry Gross
is really mad at this guy.
Oh-oh-oh-oh, you can
just let me off right here.
No, no, no.
We'll go right to your house.
Maybe I can meet your father.
Ah, you sure can.
Hey, there he is!
Hi-diddly-ho!
Daddy!
Just go with it.
God bless you and,
as I like to say,
a hearty woo-hoo!
Well, God bless you,
Mr. Simpson.
I hate stupid Flanders!
Annoyed grunt, annoyed grunt!
Thank you.
Mmm... deception.
I got you a goodbye present.
I'm really good
at goodbye presents.
Ordered this the day I met you.
Well, I got you a Rubik's Cube.
Solve it.
What?!
My government grant
was rescinded
to pay for an exit latch
on a new fighter plane.
The good news is, now we
can meet your wonderful mother.
Oh. That is exactly
what you could do...
♪ ♪
...if I wasn't here to tell you
my parents are going
to Portugal.
Oh! We love Portugal!
Let me call them
with our top ten pastelaria!
I mean,
Portugal is their layover
when they connect to...
...Lithuania!
Have you been to Lithuania?
No. And it is quite a sore spot.
Lisa, I'll miss you.
Oh, no, I'm not going with them.
I'm staying with my...
grandfather.
That sounds right.
- Why don't you stay with us?
- Stay with your family?
In this home full of art
and culture
and you got a miniature horse?
It's a rare breed
that gets cuter as it ages.
Aw, oh...
So, what do you say?
Okay, that's it.
I've been piling lie upon lie
like a bad French farce.
So what is one more?
Wah, wah, waah.
♪ ♪
Okay, I will come over here
every night at 7:30 after my...
swimming lessons.
But also, I have to leave
at 6:30 every morning for my...
morning swimming lessons.
You're a swimmer, Lisa.
We would never presume
to question your schedule.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
How was your swimming lesson?
It went swimmingly!
♪ ♪
Wake up, sleepyhead.
Oh. Dressed so fast.
Well, when you wear the same
thing every day, it's easy.
What? Huh?
You were sleeping like teacher.
Oh, Ralph. I'm deceiving
all the people I love,
and it's so exciting.
Lies are like stars--
they always come out.
Oh, my God,
that's really profound.
I have five face holes.
One, two,
three, four, fi...
Good night, Mom.
Good night, honey.
♪ ♪
Hello, Lisa.
Sideshow Mom!
I can't believe you've
been seeing another family!
How did you know?
I found out from Ned.
He feels so guilty
about pretending
to be your father,
but he can't stop.
Look at me in sector 7-G!
D'oh diddly d'oh!
I'm sorry,
I didn't want to hurt you guys,
I really didn't,
but once I started lying,
I just couldn't stop.
It's like an addiction.
I have no idea what that's like.
Lisa, I understand
that this family isn't perfect.
Your mom has her flaws,
but there are a lot of people
who really like her.
Mom's not the problem.
So, it's Maggie.
I know she can't speak.
She's just a little S-L-O.
It's all of us, Homer.
She's embarrassed by all of us.
No! Not at all!
You said I was a chemist.
I'm not a chemist.
But you are a chemist--
in the way that you deal
with the household spills
and the way...
Oh, spare me.
And just what did you say I was?
I said you never existed.
That's the life for me!
I'm not a chemist.
I never even finished college.
I'm just someone
who devotes every day
to making your life
a little better.
What are you gonna do to me?
- I'm gonna make you get up...
- Yeah.
- go to the phone...
- Okay.
- call up that family...
- Oh, God.
and ask them to dinner with us.
They said they're free Saturday.
They'll be here at 7:00.
And they asked
if they could bring dessert!
Whew, poor kid.
Man, you're really
teaching her a lesson.
We are teaching her a lesson.
And I appreciate your support.
Come back here!
Ask her
if we can have pizza tonight.
You can have pizza,
but your father
- gets vegetables.
- D'oh!
How could she be so embarrassed
of her own family?
We've got to help Lisa make
a good impression.
Stop drinking out of that hose!
Oh, so now drinking
out of a hose
in my own bedroom
is embarrassing!
Homer. Homer?
- Homer.
- Huh?
Homer.
I'm giving you a list
of four things to say
at dinner tonight.
Four things. That's it.
One, two, three...
You're right.
At dinner tonight, I don't want
you to be somebody you aren't.
I also don't want you to be
who you are.
- So just stick to these.
- All right.
I completely angry!
That's "agree."
Oh. Much better.
And that's how
my family got
from Nigeria to London.
Tell me more about that.
I'm sorry, but I-I can't.
I've literally said everything
you could say on the topic.
You've made me recall
wonderful moments
I haven't thought of in years.
It's amazing
how Homer draws people out.
I completely angr...
a-agree.
You're a fascinating man,
Mr. Simpson.
I get my best ideas
in the shower.
Tell me one.
I've been doing all the talking.
That's really interesting.
No, please. I want to know
what's in your head.
Uh, you like beer?
I love beer!
Such a lovely family.
We're so glad
we got to know you.
Actually, you didn't.
I lied about my family.
Mom, I'm so sorry I was ashamed.
I feel worse than
I've ever felt in my life.
It will haunt
the person I become forever.
Aw, honey,
I'm just as bad as you.
I coached your father
and brother on how to act
to get through this dinner.
I've actually misled you myself.
I said I'm from Nigeria.
In truth, I moved there
when I was two.
I'm from Cameroon.
Didn't you wonder why the man
I told you was my father
didn't look like him?
I assumed
he had lost all his hair
and put on
an obscene amount of weight.
Well, it's really hard
running your own business.
You don't run your own business.
I'm starting a new farce.
Wow, honesty
really kills a party.
What do you say we all
go kick it in my new room?
- When did you get a new room?
- While everyone was focused
on Lisa,
I did a little remodel.
I didn't pull permits,
but it's up to code.
Boy, why did you do this?
Where are you gonna sleep?
Eh, sleep's for farmers.
I wanted a place to chill.
Oh, I get it.
Totally get it.
So, that's two more beers.
And... what
were you drinking there, Cheryl?
Cranapple martini.
My first happy ending!
"I completely agree."
I love you, Mom!
I love you, Sam.
I love you, Bart.
And I love you,
room.
Disco Stu, always pitchin' woo.
Ferocious, Drederick.
You and the cheetah.
Let me in.
I need to talk to the boy!
- This has gotten out of hand!
- Not on the list.
Aw, come on, man, I know him.
We hang out all the time.
Sure you do.
You can come in, sweetheart.
I'll take care of this, Homie.
Move along, sir.
You're blocking the fire escape.
Oh...!
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
Shh!