The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 26, Episode 20 - Let's Go Fly a Coot - full transcript
Bart takes up smoking to impress Milhouse's cousin Annika while the rest of the family learns about Grampa's days in the Air Force.
(crow caws)
D'oh!
(tires screeching)
(grunting)
(squeaking)
(belches)
(electrical crackling)
Lewis, my man.
Present table's over there.
(barking)
Make sure you hit
the Squishee station.
They mixed up
a custom flavor just for me!
(kids chattering playfully,
laughing)
These kids' birthday parties
have gotten out of control.
How can a normal
family compete?
They rented chairs.
The kind with puffy seats!
And check out this gift bag.
Full-size candy bars,
hummingbird
in a plastic bag, a CD
of The Gay Men's Chorus
of Springfield
singing
"Happy Birthday, Milhouse."
Dad, I want self-driving
mini-cars at my next birthday!
To the petting zoo!
That would cost
a fortune!
Who do you think I am,
a professional bowler?
It's worth it
to see my son
as spoiled and ungrateful
as the richest brat in town.
Dad,
you were supposed
to cut this cheese
in the shape
of Pokémon characters.
You said you wanted
Disney's Muppets!
That was the meeting
before the last meeting!
(grunts)
(sighs)
This birthday party
arms race is unsustainable.
Unless... the sanest man in town
declared war on these parties
in a last best attempt
to bring things back to normal.
I will secretly destroy
these children's birthdays,
or die trying.
Two of... several animals!
Looks like it's time
to build me an ark.
Rice cakes?!
I pronounce
this party dead.
Nurse, note the time.
(chuckles)
(tires squeak)
(humming, singing)
Time to make 50 bucks.
♪ Yah-dah, dah-dat...
Ooh!
(children shrieking, gasping)
Look at that.
Let's see
what else is in the noose.
(laughing like Krusty)
I was the last kid on Earth
who liked clowns.
(humming)
Homer Simpson,
do you know anything
about these epic
birthday fails?
(high-pitched voice);
Just what I read in the papers.
You did suck the helium
out of all these balloons!
(high-pitched voice):
All right, Marge, maybe
I did cut the strings
on a few party hats,
but when I was a kid,
a birthday party was nothing
more than a supermarket cake
and sticking pins
in a donkey's butt.
(clears throat)
(normal voice):
And we looked forward to it
for one whole year.
And the gift bag was...
You didn't need
a frickin' gift bag,
because you just went
to a frickin' party!
You have a point.
But when the bounce
house renters
and the pony ride operators
find out what you've done...
Mm....
(scoffs) I'm not afraid
of Big Birthday.
(shrieks)
Big Birthday!
You have meddled with the
primal forces of nurture,
Mr. Simpson, and
I won't have it!
Do you think you just
stopped a few lavish parties?
Oh, no, sir.
There is simply one endless
birthday celebration
where everyone gets a gift bag
and no parent gets off easy.
Do you think this country
makes cars anymore?
Do you think we smelt steel?
No. The only thing we do
is throw elaborate
children's cotillions
with enormous inedible cakes
out from whence
Yale graduates pop!
ALL (groaning):
Eh.
Mr. Simpson, the very fabric
of our existence is birthdays!
The quarks and bosons
of your soul?
Birthdays!
You have tried to
unwind the world,
and you...
will... atone!
Sorry.
You will be sorry.
We are officially
blacklisting you, my friend.
Your children will never have
a balloon animal maker
or customized cake again!
(both gasping)
No!
No!
(crying):
No-oh-oh-oh!
I don't want to live.
Not their birthdays!
Take Easter!
Easter's nothing.
Geez, kids, I guess
you've had your last birthday.
You're gonna stay
your current ages
for the rest of your lives.
Please.
I'll do anything.
All right.
The next birthday that comes up
in this town is, uh,
Rod Flanders,
and you have
to throw him a party.
(groans):
Oh.
Um, how bad do you kids
want birthdays?
Dad!
How bad do you want
to sleep in Saturdays?
(banging loudly)
Hey, hey, hey,
I was just kidding around.
You know that. I was just...
You have a deal.
Let me make this clear.
This event has
to be magical.
You mean, hire a magician?
No, no, no. Magical.
Magical events change
people's lives forever.
(plane sputtering)
Welcome to Rod Flanders'
birthday party.
I'm your host Homer Simpson,
and I can't take it anymore!
Stupid golden age of flight!
Mmm. I love you,
mean neighbor!
MAN (over P.A.):
Attention partygoers!
Prepare for the arrival
of our guest of honor... Lulu!
This majestic B-17
has been lovingly restored
by the same
World War Two veterans
who see her every night
in their horrible flashbacks.
Thanks for coming out and...
Abe Simpson?!
That's Mach Ridley,
my old Air Force buddy!
You said
you were in the Army.
You said you
were in the Navy.
That's the kind of mix-up
that used to happen
when I was in the Marines.
So, what brings you boys
to Springfield?
Uh, we just want to make sure
kids have a chance
to meet one of the lovely ladies
that brought freedom
to the world.
Why are planes
and boats always women?
Because they require
a lot of upkeep
and a firm hand
at the controls.
I knew there'd be a sexist joke
behind it.
I knew it!
Abe, can you join us
for a drink?
I'm sorry, guys.
My dad can't handle
that much excitement.
Please, son. I want
to gab about the days
when nurses kissed ya
instead of beating ya.
Now, Dad, memory lane's
not what it used to be.
If you hang out
with your old buddies,
it'll remind you of
when you were a proud stallion
instead of a broken-down nag.
(neighs sadly)
(sputters)
That's the lack of spirit.
(whimpering)
Look at how
he treats his own father.
Like we used to treat P.O.W.s
when the Red Cross
wasn't looking.
(laughter)
Boys, I think we have
one last mission.
(mechanical whirring)
Make a wish, Roddy.
I'll never grow up
and marry Daddy!
(laughter)
(Dutch accent):
Very amusing.
Whoa!
I've seen all I need to see.
But just in case, the face.
MILHOUSE:
Oh!
May I chuckle in Dutch?
(chuckles)
Bart, meet my cousin
from the Netherlands, Annika.
Isn't she gorgeous?
(laughs)
Whoa! You smoke?
It's an e-cigarette.
Care to vape?
Don't you want to be one
of the cool kinderen?
(inhaling)
(coughing)
(coughing, gasping)
(snorts)
Refreshing.
(knocking)
Hey, look at you guys,
still not dead.
Good for you.
Mister, we're gonna pound
your thick skull
till you treat your father
with the kindness
every human being deserves.
(scoffs)
Do your worst, you old goats.
This won't be a tropical
vacation like Iwo Jima.
It's you and me,
Blubber McGee.
Ha!
(muttering)
(muttering)
Oh.
(grunting)
(laughs)
(panting)
(grunts)
You done
girly punching?
Yes.
(laughs) Once again,
I win at Sjoelbak.
Everybody's got one gift.
Mine is portable indoor
Dutch shuffleboard.
(humming)
Bart, I'm out of cartridges.
Be my little almond cookie and
run down to the Kwik-E-Mart.
Hup, hup.
You can kiss me.
(squeaking)
Oh, that felt so good.
Now you know
what nuzzling me would be like.
Now not so good.
(whistling)
Five packs of
e-cigs, Apu.
E-cigs?
Although legal
for children in this state,
you are asking
for a nicotine delivery device
that could quite possibly
leave you breathing
through a hole in your neck.
Eat your spinach, Bart.
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Ay carumba!
Cool! I was just doing this
for a girl,
but give me two more packs
for myself.
Oh, you have the right, but
remember, this is not kid stuff.
Now, would you like
bubblegum flavor,
strawberry shortcake
or watermelon dream?
Homer, you're late!
In the Air Force, when
we showed up late, people died.
When we showed up on time,
other people died.
The right people.
Homer J. Simpson,
if I wasn't wearing my smiling
teeth, I'd look very angry.
Hangar those choppers, airman.
Now, the best way to get
to know each other is
to share a rugged outdoor
activity. Suggestions?
BOTH:
Movie.
Well, we could walk
to the theater.
BOTH:
Drive.
Well, at least we can
walk to a seat at the top.
Handicap seat.
Companion chair.
(groans)
HOMER:
Ooh, previews!
♪
TRAILER ANNOUNCER:
In a dystopian future...
Finally! A movie
about a dystopian future,
unlike The Hunger Games,
Edge of Tomorrow, Oblivion,
Elysium, Snow Piercer,
The Hunger Games:
Catching Fire,
X-Men: Days of Future Past,
Enders Game...
The Road, World War Z,
Children of Men,
After Earth, I Am Legend,
Mad Max: Fury Road,
The Maze Runner,
District Nine, The Purge,
Looper, Cloud Atlas,
Divergent, Insurgent,
The Island,
Mr. Burns: A Post-Electric
Play, and Chappie.
(both shudder)
Sir, the movie's been
over for 20 minutes.
You'll have to clear
out of the theater
and come back
for the next show.
D'oh!
So, you are the best
America could send
to stop Sheik
Abu Nadal Abdul
Nabal Nabu Dubal
Nabadul Kashik?
I'd like to request
a hip replacement:
yours.
I was a fool to fight America.
(screams)
Homer, take me
to the bathroom.
What? Are you crazy?
If you love your father,
you'll make sure he doesn't
get disoriented trying to work
the knob-less faucet.
I'm too cold to
trigger the infrared.
(groans)
(explosions, gunshots
over speakers)
(whistling tune)
You were in there
for 25 minutes!
I thought the mirror
was another movie.
You made me miss
the denouement!
Homer, I think it's time
I showed you something.
I get it.
You brought me here
to show me
how much Grampa went through
for people like me.
No, we brought you here
'cause we're gonna set you
straight once and for all.
I think I just went W.W. Two.
All right, all right.
I love my father.
And if that makes me
less of a man, so be it.
(awkward noises)
(affectionate noises)
Dad, I apologize.
I only say this at gunpoint,
but it's true:
I love you.
Oh.
But it's been a long night...
I did not say
"at ease."
(whimpers)
Fear-- that's how we,
the greatest generation,
raised you,
the worst generation.
My turn!
(laughing)
God, I love
spijkerpoepen.
Annika, you've
introduced me
to a whole new world
of butt games.
And you've introduced me
to a world of un-milled wind,
a game called "baseball"
that is neither
fun nor fittening,
and private-use bicycles.
Still, you are small and cute
like Lichtenstein.
Now vape up.
MARGE (gasping):
Bart Simpson!
(coughing)
It's still legal
in this state!
The bill's stuck
in committee.
God, you just can't
protect your kids enough.
(worried groan)
Mmm.
Sharing a beer.
Just like we did
after your first merit badge.
Ah, yes, basketry.
Aw...
Aw...
I still have
what I made.
D'oh!
Bart's smoking!
(gasps)
E-cigarettes!
Oh, those are totally legal.
Tell me, does he like
bubblegum or strawberry?
He doesn't
even want to.
He's doing it
to impress a girl.
They're sending Annika
back to Holland!
She was just about to teach me
to Dutch kiss.
Stuck on a girl, eh?
I know a story
that'll fix you right up.
It was the 1950s...
suitcases were hard,
mid-century architecture
had indoor-outdoor flow
and the world
was our garbage basket.
Nature will take it.
(humming)
GRAMPA:
Mach was a test pilot
and I had a crucial job, too:
keeping desert turtles
off the runway.
Shoo! Shoo, now!
Just pick them up!
Uh... they feel weird.
GRAMPA: At night, we cooled off
at the local watering hole,
where they gave you
a free steak dinner
if'n you set a new speed record
and lived.
If you died,
your widow got surf and turf.
Meanwhile,
I was trying to make time
with the only cocktail waitress
on a base full of heroes.
We called her "Sunny"
'cause she was
bright and yellow.
And if you got too close,
you got burned?
Who's telling this
story, you or me?!
I hope it's you.
Okay, well,
I would imagine
as you were flirting
with Sunny, Mach came up.
Uh-huh, go on.
And asked her to dance?
Ooh, I did not
see that coming!
♪
GRAMPA: Mach was scheduled to
test-fly a new fighter plane.
And then I heard something
I shouldn't have.
Colonel, with
all due respect,
that new jet is a deathtrap.
It's the 1950s.
Everything's a deathtrap.
Now have three martinis,
a pack of smokes,
and get in that plane.
GRAMPA: I'm not quite sure
why I did what I did next.
Did I want Sunny to see me
in a different light?
Or had they tested
a little too much LSD on me
the night before
without me knowing it?
Abraham Simpson,
you damn fool!
When did you learn how to fly?
When you're in the Air Force
for ten years,
you learn a few things.
Ah! What the hell just happened?
(laughing)
GRAMPA: It was as if I could see
the face of God.
(engine sputtering)
Oh, boy.
At 50,000 feet,
amazing things happen.
The frigid air forms
a beautiful rainbow of
ice crystals in your lungs.
D'oh!
Luckily, my frozen hand
on the stick
was exactly what
that plane needed.
That day, I broke the sound
barrier and then some.
Oh! My highball glasses.
GRAMPA:
I headed back to tell the base
there wasn't one damn thing
wrong with that plane.
This is gonna take
some fancy flyin'.
(grunting)
I hitched a ride
back to the base
with a young feller
who was hoping to be a writer.
Thanks for the ride,
Jack Kerouac.
Could you please mail
this polished final draft
of my novel to
my publisher?
And here's my rambling,
repetitive first draft.
Promise me you'll destroy it,
so no one will ever read
this total gibberish.
GRAMPA: (laughs) Boy, was he mad
when he read that book.
Started drinking like a fish.
I was about to reel one in.
So, you want to marry
a glamorous flyboy?
Or the dummy
who tried to save him?
I'm a sucker for
reckless nitwits.
Aw, Mona.
Shut up and kiss me.
Seriously, I'm already
tired of your voice.
Mona?
Sunny is Mona Simpson?
Homer's mother?
Gee, she wasn't too sunny
when I knew her.
Although she really cheered up
after she left you forever.
That's the point!
If you make a grand gesture,
you can get any girl you want,
even if she's
completely wrong for you.
But it won't last
if you're pretending
to be someone you're not.
I see.
I've got to make
a grand gesture.
And her flight boards
in 38 minutes.
And KLM is never late!
(frustrated grunt)
He didn't get a single word.
You got the point,
didn't you, son?
Um, you used to work
with turtles?
Yeah, that's
pretty much it.
I used to work
with turtles.
♪
(buzzes)
Annika! Wait!
Before you leave--
I couldn't live with myself
if I didn't at least try
to tell you how I feel.
A grand gesture.
How American.
I don't actually like you.
You're only pleasant
when you want something.
You've been in this country
three weeks
and you hated everything.
That's not true.
I liked that
there were
new things here
to complain about.
Well, I'm really
relieved you're leaving.
And take these poison
pen lights with you!
(shrieking, clamoring)
Oh, thank God!
I'm so tired
of breathing clean air!
(speaks Dutch)
Rejected by
a friend of Milhouse.
I will change into
the striped leggings of shame.
(speaking Dutch)
If it's the blue hair and
the schnozz you're digging,
I've got plenty
more cousins.
Thanks, Milhouse.
I think I'm gonna steer clear
of Van Houtens for a while.
More for me.
Marrying a cousin worked
out great for my parents.
Storm's a-comin'.
Homer, it's time for us to go.
We've got an air show in Reno,
where the silver-haired foxes
are as common as Frisbees
on the Jersey shore.
Come on, Dad.
In honor of that
record you broke,
I'm gonna cook you the
thickest steak of your life.
Thank you, son.
But the days when I can
eat a steak are long gone.
I wouldn't be so sure.
(laughs)
No. Still too tough.
Aw, that's the best
steak I ever breathed.
I'm full.
(Annika speaking Dutch)
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
Shh!
D'oh!
(tires screeching)
(grunting)
(squeaking)
(belches)
(electrical crackling)
Lewis, my man.
Present table's over there.
(barking)
Make sure you hit
the Squishee station.
They mixed up
a custom flavor just for me!
(kids chattering playfully,
laughing)
These kids' birthday parties
have gotten out of control.
How can a normal
family compete?
They rented chairs.
The kind with puffy seats!
And check out this gift bag.
Full-size candy bars,
hummingbird
in a plastic bag, a CD
of The Gay Men's Chorus
of Springfield
singing
"Happy Birthday, Milhouse."
Dad, I want self-driving
mini-cars at my next birthday!
To the petting zoo!
That would cost
a fortune!
Who do you think I am,
a professional bowler?
It's worth it
to see my son
as spoiled and ungrateful
as the richest brat in town.
Dad,
you were supposed
to cut this cheese
in the shape
of Pokémon characters.
You said you wanted
Disney's Muppets!
That was the meeting
before the last meeting!
(grunts)
(sighs)
This birthday party
arms race is unsustainable.
Unless... the sanest man in town
declared war on these parties
in a last best attempt
to bring things back to normal.
I will secretly destroy
these children's birthdays,
or die trying.
Two of... several animals!
Looks like it's time
to build me an ark.
Rice cakes?!
I pronounce
this party dead.
Nurse, note the time.
(chuckles)
(tires squeak)
(humming, singing)
Time to make 50 bucks.
♪ Yah-dah, dah-dat...
Ooh!
(children shrieking, gasping)
Look at that.
Let's see
what else is in the noose.
(laughing like Krusty)
I was the last kid on Earth
who liked clowns.
(humming)
Homer Simpson,
do you know anything
about these epic
birthday fails?
(high-pitched voice);
Just what I read in the papers.
You did suck the helium
out of all these balloons!
(high-pitched voice):
All right, Marge, maybe
I did cut the strings
on a few party hats,
but when I was a kid,
a birthday party was nothing
more than a supermarket cake
and sticking pins
in a donkey's butt.
(clears throat)
(normal voice):
And we looked forward to it
for one whole year.
And the gift bag was...
You didn't need
a frickin' gift bag,
because you just went
to a frickin' party!
You have a point.
But when the bounce
house renters
and the pony ride operators
find out what you've done...
Mm....
(scoffs) I'm not afraid
of Big Birthday.
(shrieks)
Big Birthday!
You have meddled with the
primal forces of nurture,
Mr. Simpson, and
I won't have it!
Do you think you just
stopped a few lavish parties?
Oh, no, sir.
There is simply one endless
birthday celebration
where everyone gets a gift bag
and no parent gets off easy.
Do you think this country
makes cars anymore?
Do you think we smelt steel?
No. The only thing we do
is throw elaborate
children's cotillions
with enormous inedible cakes
out from whence
Yale graduates pop!
ALL (groaning):
Eh.
Mr. Simpson, the very fabric
of our existence is birthdays!
The quarks and bosons
of your soul?
Birthdays!
You have tried to
unwind the world,
and you...
will... atone!
Sorry.
You will be sorry.
We are officially
blacklisting you, my friend.
Your children will never have
a balloon animal maker
or customized cake again!
(both gasping)
No!
No!
(crying):
No-oh-oh-oh!
I don't want to live.
Not their birthdays!
Take Easter!
Easter's nothing.
Geez, kids, I guess
you've had your last birthday.
You're gonna stay
your current ages
for the rest of your lives.
Please.
I'll do anything.
All right.
The next birthday that comes up
in this town is, uh,
Rod Flanders,
and you have
to throw him a party.
(groans):
Oh.
Um, how bad do you kids
want birthdays?
Dad!
How bad do you want
to sleep in Saturdays?
(banging loudly)
Hey, hey, hey,
I was just kidding around.
You know that. I was just...
You have a deal.
Let me make this clear.
This event has
to be magical.
You mean, hire a magician?
No, no, no. Magical.
Magical events change
people's lives forever.
(plane sputtering)
Welcome to Rod Flanders'
birthday party.
I'm your host Homer Simpson,
and I can't take it anymore!
Stupid golden age of flight!
Mmm. I love you,
mean neighbor!
MAN (over P.A.):
Attention partygoers!
Prepare for the arrival
of our guest of honor... Lulu!
This majestic B-17
has been lovingly restored
by the same
World War Two veterans
who see her every night
in their horrible flashbacks.
Thanks for coming out and...
Abe Simpson?!
That's Mach Ridley,
my old Air Force buddy!
You said
you were in the Army.
You said you
were in the Navy.
That's the kind of mix-up
that used to happen
when I was in the Marines.
So, what brings you boys
to Springfield?
Uh, we just want to make sure
kids have a chance
to meet one of the lovely ladies
that brought freedom
to the world.
Why are planes
and boats always women?
Because they require
a lot of upkeep
and a firm hand
at the controls.
I knew there'd be a sexist joke
behind it.
I knew it!
Abe, can you join us
for a drink?
I'm sorry, guys.
My dad can't handle
that much excitement.
Please, son. I want
to gab about the days
when nurses kissed ya
instead of beating ya.
Now, Dad, memory lane's
not what it used to be.
If you hang out
with your old buddies,
it'll remind you of
when you were a proud stallion
instead of a broken-down nag.
(neighs sadly)
(sputters)
That's the lack of spirit.
(whimpering)
Look at how
he treats his own father.
Like we used to treat P.O.W.s
when the Red Cross
wasn't looking.
(laughter)
Boys, I think we have
one last mission.
(mechanical whirring)
Make a wish, Roddy.
I'll never grow up
and marry Daddy!
(laughter)
(Dutch accent):
Very amusing.
Whoa!
I've seen all I need to see.
But just in case, the face.
MILHOUSE:
Oh!
May I chuckle in Dutch?
(chuckles)
Bart, meet my cousin
from the Netherlands, Annika.
Isn't she gorgeous?
(laughs)
Whoa! You smoke?
It's an e-cigarette.
Care to vape?
Don't you want to be one
of the cool kinderen?
(inhaling)
(coughing)
(coughing, gasping)
(snorts)
Refreshing.
(knocking)
Hey, look at you guys,
still not dead.
Good for you.
Mister, we're gonna pound
your thick skull
till you treat your father
with the kindness
every human being deserves.
(scoffs)
Do your worst, you old goats.
This won't be a tropical
vacation like Iwo Jima.
It's you and me,
Blubber McGee.
Ha!
(muttering)
(muttering)
Oh.
(grunting)
(laughs)
(panting)
(grunts)
You done
girly punching?
Yes.
(laughs) Once again,
I win at Sjoelbak.
Everybody's got one gift.
Mine is portable indoor
Dutch shuffleboard.
(humming)
Bart, I'm out of cartridges.
Be my little almond cookie and
run down to the Kwik-E-Mart.
Hup, hup.
You can kiss me.
(squeaking)
Oh, that felt so good.
Now you know
what nuzzling me would be like.
Now not so good.
(whistling)
Five packs of
e-cigs, Apu.
E-cigs?
Although legal
for children in this state,
you are asking
for a nicotine delivery device
that could quite possibly
leave you breathing
through a hole in your neck.
Eat your spinach, Bart.
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Ay carumba!
Cool! I was just doing this
for a girl,
but give me two more packs
for myself.
Oh, you have the right, but
remember, this is not kid stuff.
Now, would you like
bubblegum flavor,
strawberry shortcake
or watermelon dream?
Homer, you're late!
In the Air Force, when
we showed up late, people died.
When we showed up on time,
other people died.
The right people.
Homer J. Simpson,
if I wasn't wearing my smiling
teeth, I'd look very angry.
Hangar those choppers, airman.
Now, the best way to get
to know each other is
to share a rugged outdoor
activity. Suggestions?
BOTH:
Movie.
Well, we could walk
to the theater.
BOTH:
Drive.
Well, at least we can
walk to a seat at the top.
Handicap seat.
Companion chair.
(groans)
HOMER:
Ooh, previews!
♪
TRAILER ANNOUNCER:
In a dystopian future...
Finally! A movie
about a dystopian future,
unlike The Hunger Games,
Edge of Tomorrow, Oblivion,
Elysium, Snow Piercer,
The Hunger Games:
Catching Fire,
X-Men: Days of Future Past,
Enders Game...
The Road, World War Z,
Children of Men,
After Earth, I Am Legend,
Mad Max: Fury Road,
The Maze Runner,
District Nine, The Purge,
Looper, Cloud Atlas,
Divergent, Insurgent,
The Island,
Mr. Burns: A Post-Electric
Play, and Chappie.
(both shudder)
Sir, the movie's been
over for 20 minutes.
You'll have to clear
out of the theater
and come back
for the next show.
D'oh!
So, you are the best
America could send
to stop Sheik
Abu Nadal Abdul
Nabal Nabu Dubal
Nabadul Kashik?
I'd like to request
a hip replacement:
yours.
I was a fool to fight America.
(screams)
Homer, take me
to the bathroom.
What? Are you crazy?
If you love your father,
you'll make sure he doesn't
get disoriented trying to work
the knob-less faucet.
I'm too cold to
trigger the infrared.
(groans)
(explosions, gunshots
over speakers)
(whistling tune)
You were in there
for 25 minutes!
I thought the mirror
was another movie.
You made me miss
the denouement!
Homer, I think it's time
I showed you something.
I get it.
You brought me here
to show me
how much Grampa went through
for people like me.
No, we brought you here
'cause we're gonna set you
straight once and for all.
I think I just went W.W. Two.
All right, all right.
I love my father.
And if that makes me
less of a man, so be it.
(awkward noises)
(affectionate noises)
Dad, I apologize.
I only say this at gunpoint,
but it's true:
I love you.
Oh.
But it's been a long night...
I did not say
"at ease."
(whimpers)
Fear-- that's how we,
the greatest generation,
raised you,
the worst generation.
My turn!
(laughing)
God, I love
spijkerpoepen.
Annika, you've
introduced me
to a whole new world
of butt games.
And you've introduced me
to a world of un-milled wind,
a game called "baseball"
that is neither
fun nor fittening,
and private-use bicycles.
Still, you are small and cute
like Lichtenstein.
Now vape up.
MARGE (gasping):
Bart Simpson!
(coughing)
It's still legal
in this state!
The bill's stuck
in committee.
God, you just can't
protect your kids enough.
(worried groan)
Mmm.
Sharing a beer.
Just like we did
after your first merit badge.
Ah, yes, basketry.
Aw...
Aw...
I still have
what I made.
D'oh!
Bart's smoking!
(gasps)
E-cigarettes!
Oh, those are totally legal.
Tell me, does he like
bubblegum or strawberry?
He doesn't
even want to.
He's doing it
to impress a girl.
They're sending Annika
back to Holland!
She was just about to teach me
to Dutch kiss.
Stuck on a girl, eh?
I know a story
that'll fix you right up.
It was the 1950s...
suitcases were hard,
mid-century architecture
had indoor-outdoor flow
and the world
was our garbage basket.
Nature will take it.
(humming)
GRAMPA:
Mach was a test pilot
and I had a crucial job, too:
keeping desert turtles
off the runway.
Shoo! Shoo, now!
Just pick them up!
Uh... they feel weird.
GRAMPA: At night, we cooled off
at the local watering hole,
where they gave you
a free steak dinner
if'n you set a new speed record
and lived.
If you died,
your widow got surf and turf.
Meanwhile,
I was trying to make time
with the only cocktail waitress
on a base full of heroes.
We called her "Sunny"
'cause she was
bright and yellow.
And if you got too close,
you got burned?
Who's telling this
story, you or me?!
I hope it's you.
Okay, well,
I would imagine
as you were flirting
with Sunny, Mach came up.
Uh-huh, go on.
And asked her to dance?
Ooh, I did not
see that coming!
♪
GRAMPA: Mach was scheduled to
test-fly a new fighter plane.
And then I heard something
I shouldn't have.
Colonel, with
all due respect,
that new jet is a deathtrap.
It's the 1950s.
Everything's a deathtrap.
Now have three martinis,
a pack of smokes,
and get in that plane.
GRAMPA: I'm not quite sure
why I did what I did next.
Did I want Sunny to see me
in a different light?
Or had they tested
a little too much LSD on me
the night before
without me knowing it?
Abraham Simpson,
you damn fool!
When did you learn how to fly?
When you're in the Air Force
for ten years,
you learn a few things.
Ah! What the hell just happened?
(laughing)
GRAMPA: It was as if I could see
the face of God.
(engine sputtering)
Oh, boy.
At 50,000 feet,
amazing things happen.
The frigid air forms
a beautiful rainbow of
ice crystals in your lungs.
D'oh!
Luckily, my frozen hand
on the stick
was exactly what
that plane needed.
That day, I broke the sound
barrier and then some.
Oh! My highball glasses.
GRAMPA:
I headed back to tell the base
there wasn't one damn thing
wrong with that plane.
This is gonna take
some fancy flyin'.
(grunting)
I hitched a ride
back to the base
with a young feller
who was hoping to be a writer.
Thanks for the ride,
Jack Kerouac.
Could you please mail
this polished final draft
of my novel to
my publisher?
And here's my rambling,
repetitive first draft.
Promise me you'll destroy it,
so no one will ever read
this total gibberish.
GRAMPA: (laughs) Boy, was he mad
when he read that book.
Started drinking like a fish.
I was about to reel one in.
So, you want to marry
a glamorous flyboy?
Or the dummy
who tried to save him?
I'm a sucker for
reckless nitwits.
Aw, Mona.
Shut up and kiss me.
Seriously, I'm already
tired of your voice.
Mona?
Sunny is Mona Simpson?
Homer's mother?
Gee, she wasn't too sunny
when I knew her.
Although she really cheered up
after she left you forever.
That's the point!
If you make a grand gesture,
you can get any girl you want,
even if she's
completely wrong for you.
But it won't last
if you're pretending
to be someone you're not.
I see.
I've got to make
a grand gesture.
And her flight boards
in 38 minutes.
And KLM is never late!
(frustrated grunt)
He didn't get a single word.
You got the point,
didn't you, son?
Um, you used to work
with turtles?
Yeah, that's
pretty much it.
I used to work
with turtles.
♪
(buzzes)
Annika! Wait!
Before you leave--
I couldn't live with myself
if I didn't at least try
to tell you how I feel.
A grand gesture.
How American.
I don't actually like you.
You're only pleasant
when you want something.
You've been in this country
three weeks
and you hated everything.
That's not true.
I liked that
there were
new things here
to complain about.
Well, I'm really
relieved you're leaving.
And take these poison
pen lights with you!
(shrieking, clamoring)
Oh, thank God!
I'm so tired
of breathing clean air!
(speaks Dutch)
Rejected by
a friend of Milhouse.
I will change into
the striped leggings of shame.
(speaking Dutch)
If it's the blue hair and
the schnozz you're digging,
I've got plenty
more cousins.
Thanks, Milhouse.
I think I'm gonna steer clear
of Van Houtens for a while.
More for me.
Marrying a cousin worked
out great for my parents.
Storm's a-comin'.
Homer, it's time for us to go.
We've got an air show in Reno,
where the silver-haired foxes
are as common as Frisbees
on the Jersey shore.
Come on, Dad.
In honor of that
record you broke,
I'm gonna cook you the
thickest steak of your life.
Thank you, son.
But the days when I can
eat a steak are long gone.
I wouldn't be so sure.
(laughs)
No. Still too tough.
Aw, that's the best
steak I ever breathed.
I'm full.
(Annika speaking Dutch)
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
Shh!