The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 18, Episode 17 - Marge Gamer - full transcript
Marge decides to find out what there Internet has to offer and soon gets hooked on an online role-playing game; Homer referees Lisa's soccer game.
The Simpsons 18x17 (JABF10)
- Marge Gamer -
Next item on the agenda,
I'm afraid that
due to funding cuts,
we've had to sell the
science department skeleton
and replace it with
this Halloween costume.
Thank you, Willie.
Now, please return it
to its plastic snap case.
Moving on--
our class trip to Italy
is now spaghetti night
at Papa John's,
and your $1,500 deposits
will not be refunded.
Ooh, Papa John's!
We will conclude by
passing around a sheet
on which I would like
everyone's e-mail address.
What's wrong?
I can't fill out
that clipboard.
I don't have e-mail.
Oh, Marge, you got
to get on the Net.
It's got all the best
conspiracy theories.
Did you know that Hezbollah
owns Little Dolly Snack Cakes?
This stuff will
rock your world!
Fine, I'll log onto
Wahoo or Yippy
or A-O-K or Pooka-dooka,
whatever it's called.
Can we move this
meeting along?
I pay my taxes,
I expect my orange drink!
Ambrosia!
And this Web site
will tell you the weather.
Sunny ?
I never have to look out
the window again.
Let's go surfing now,
everybody's learning how
Come on and safari with me
Paper towels
for 69 cents.
68 cents.
66 cents!
Kids, get in the car!
We're going to Pennsylvania!
Ooh.
629,000 results?!
Wow.
And all this time,
I thought "Googling yourself"
meant the other thing.
Your House From Space
It's our house!
But what's that thing ?
Everyone can see you!
Get inside!
Never !
Just put on a towel!
Why don't I just
put on a dress?
Homer, you've met my parents.
Not naked, I haven't.
That Internet has it all.
Today, I found I had the same
birthday as Randy Quaid,
I MapQuested a great new
route to the armory,
and I got a list of local houses
where I'm not letting you kids
trick or treat anymore.
I'm proud of you, Mom.
You're like
Christopher Columbus.
You discovered something
millions of people
knew about before you.
MailBox
Welcome Marge
You have No new messages.
I sent everyone I know an e-card
for St. Patrick's Day,
but not one person
wrote me back.
Hmm. Maybe if I hit "Refresh."
Still nothing.
But maybe now. Or now.
The only thing that changes
is the banner ad.
Ooh.
Earthland Realms?
Earthland Realms
is a multiplayer
online role-playing game.
Do you agree to the following
terms and conditions?
"For amusement only.
Credit card information may be sold to Korean gangsters."
Just click "Agree."
Step one, create your character.
Let's see.
What kind of goofy
goobly should I be?
Whoa.
Look at those bazooms.
Who designed this character?
Probably a man.
Hmm! I can make her look any way I want.
Let's see.
Hair: blue.
Shoes: sensible.
Body type: Olive Oyl.
Face: other.
That's better.
Now, let's role... play.
Wow, it's like a renaissance fair,
but without all the chubby couples.
This is really annoying.
You're telling me.
Greetings, Cleric.
Will you undertake a quest on my behalf?
Eh, maybe I should run this by my husband first.
Things are more fun if you just answer "yes."
Then, yes.
Hither me forth on mine arduous quest.
Once again,just "yes."
Yes.
First, you must find the Armandahl of Nuxinor.
All I see is that rock.
You have found it!
Oh!
Okay, activate my level seven power stones.
Wield the orb of oblivion.
And zap!
Hmm, needs more goat soul.
Mom?!
What are you kids doing up so late?
We just got up.
It's 7:00 a.m.
I was on the computer all night!
Actually, it's Saturday.
I played a day and a night.
Bart, it's not Saturday.
Shh.
I should get some sleep.
I better check on my elf-self.
Thank you.
Come again.
Apu?
Mrs. Homer.
How nice to see you in the Realms.
How did you get in my game?
Are you a virus?
Oh, no.
I, too, am online playing.
That cobra king over there
is actually Snake.
The prison guards think I'm getting
my online law degree.
Ha, ha!
And that beguiling enchantress is Mrs. Krabappel.
This game is a great way to meet eligible men
who can afford a computer.
Or have access to one
at the school library.
It's amazing how you can
be a turkey in every reality.
What's important is we're talking.
I'm Moe.
I'm playing this while I'm on the can.
Wow, Moe!
You're a troll.
What ?
No.
My character's supposed to look like me.
Why does everyone keep thinking I'm a troll?!
Who are we hiding from?
The Shadow Knight.
Where he rides, death is sure to follow.
The Shadow Knight?
He's the most evil,destructive player in this game.
He once beat me to death with my own life bar.
Mmm...
mmm.
Who dares battle with the Shadow Knight?
Oh...
He was a good man.
A good, moist man.
Eww.
I can't watch this.
Another senseless killing by...
the Shadow Knight!
Hmm?
My son is an evil knight!
The most successful evil knight in all the Earthland Realms!
Not bad.
Aye carumba, what a day!
Brave sir knight?
What is it, Lady Milhouse?
I'm not a lady,
it's a spell, a spell you said you'd reverse.
Yeah, yeah, it's on my list.
Anyway, someone's here to see you.
Hi, Bart!
It's your mom!
I'm in your videogame with you!
What?
Why Milhouse,
don't you look pretty!
It's a spell!
And thank you.
Mom, what are you doing in my game?!
How would you like it
if I suddenly started going shopping with you?
I'd like that very much.
Uh, wh-what can I get ya,Mr. Shadow Knight, sir?
A grog? Grog light?
Uh, diet grog with lemon?
Just wring the blood from this pixie head.
Yes, sir.
Hi, everybody!
How do you play this game?
Ow!
Haaaaaaa....
Oooohh!!
Now flog yourself with this mace
while reciting the Goblin's Code!
Goblin's Code,yes, sir!
All goblins must be free of visible worms.
Oooh!
In the presence of a lady,
a goblin must remove his hat and ears.
Bart, are you drinking?
Mom!
You're making me look bad
in front of my minions!
If they think less of you because of me,
then they're not really your minions.
I'm going off to explore
the Crevices of Lagrimmar.
Great, I'll come with you.
Shouldn't you bundle up?
Here, let me enchant your pants.
Hey, Lisa,
self-conscious about your shins?
In my day, girls were worried about their boobs.
Dad, I'm going to play soccer.
I fell in love with the game
when I saw Bend It Like Beckham.
Father, I am proud
of my cultural heritage,
but I also love soccer !
You tell him, Jesminder !
I forbid you to bend
it like Beckham.
Plus, you must marry
this complete stranger.
His father is an important
business acquaintance of mine.
Love counts for nothing !
You tell her, Mr. Dhanabhai !
Business contacts are more
important than love!
Wait, that's soccer ?
I always called it "human foosball."
Would you like me to
take you to your game ?
You already promised you would.
Aw, do I have to ?
Okay, Morty, I'll tell them.
Sorry, ladies.
We got no referee,
so the game's been canceled.
I'm sorry.
I'm sure you're very disappointed.
- What happened to the ref ?
- He quit !
Being a ref is athankless job...
the parents hate ya...
the only upside is the kids
share their snack with you.
Did someone say "snack" ?
I'll be your ref!
Dad, where'd you get that outfit ?
I got fired from Foot Locker.
Kicks just keep getting
harder to find...
What's the matter, buddy ?
The American flag not
good enough for ya ?
That was my father.
I'm your father now.
I'm open !
I'm open !
No, but not with kicks
You just need help, girl...
So... tired.
Could someone bring me
another barf cone ?
So... I thought it went real well.
Until I swallowed the whistle.
You don't evenknow the rules!
This cld be my new thing,
and you're turning it into a joke!
- Hilarious joke ?
- Sadly, no.
I'm disappointed with the way
you acted today...
but I'm not surprised.
Oh, let's see.
Should I take the Trail of
Death, or the Path of Doom?
Maybe I should just go back.
Is this Wall Street Journal online?
Well, well,
looks like something's finally
about to happen in this game.
Just in time.
I was about to go to
the Pottery Barn site
to get design ideas.
It's the Shadow Knight !
- Run !
- I forget how to do that.
Control-shift-R...
Thank you, Bart.
This frame grab's going
on my coffee cup.
You guys wanna meet
at the Kwik-E-Mart?
I'm in the tub right now.
I'm in Denmark!
Hand ball !
Direct kick !
Dad, I'm impressed !
You've become
a much better referee.
Thanks, honey.
After what you said to me,
I watched hours and hours of soccer.
I almost saw a goal !
But there were so many ads
for Spanish cell phones.
Do it, sweetie!
Save our troubled marriage!
Foul on 23 !
That's crazy.
Your daughter just tripped
on her own clumsy feet!
Come on, Lisa.
Admit it !
I'm a spectator addressing
a player-- answer me!
I said foul on 23!
You are so blind,
even Jesus couldn't heal you!
Helen, please.
Don't drop the J bomb.
Well, I'm throwing you
both out of the game!
She tripped me.
Foul on the other girl.
Lisa gets apenalty kick,
and every other
kid has to pay her a dollar.
That is an outrage !
Your daughter's been
floppin' all day !
She has not.
Your daughter's rty player.
Sir, I have sired adum-dum,
a mush-head,
a what's-it, a dog boy,
and somethin' with a
human face and fish body,
what we called Kevin,
but my young'uns is not dirty players.
I don't need a soccer lecture
from a hillbilly.
That's hill-William to you, sir.
How about a lecture from me,
Ronaldo ?
Ronaldo ?!
Winner of two World Cups and three FIFA
Player of the Year awards ?
Yes, I what you said.
Now I travel the world
exposiloppers,
and your daughter is a flopper.
Now, Ronaldo away !
You heard Geraldo.
What's it gonna be ?
Yellow card !
You can't give me a yellow card.
You're my father.
When I put on these
shorts, I'm not your father anymore,
and judging by how tight they are,
I'm never going to be
anyone else's, either.
This is what I think
of your yellow card!
Unsportsman
like conduct.
That's a red card.
- You're out of the game !
- But... but...
Oh !
Another family broken
up by Ronaldo.
Yes !
What a fun quest !
Aren't you glad I made you
take that na thedle?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let me just put this holy
grail in my trophy room.
Whoa !
Where's al stuff ?!
I thought all the swords
and severed heads were kind
of gory, so I redecorated
using the Hello Kitty
expansion pack.
No !
Mom ?
Mom ?!
I was killed by my own son.
How could you kill
your own mother?
It was just a game.
A game I used to enjoy
before you mommed all oit.
Lisa, sweetie,
- I was just following the rules.
- Great.
The one time you actually
do something right,
you ruin my life.
I thinkI'l
l go to bed.
- It's 5:00 in the afternoon.
- Who cares ? I'm dead.
Ju' nys!
Those damesare cheesed.
Son, I'll never understand
women if I live to be 40.
- Big if.
- Enjoy me while I last.
Want to go slam a few beers ?
- If you watch me ?
- You know it.
What's the matter,
Homer and Bart?
Lisa's mad at me,
and Marge is am.
Well, I'm juthe bartender here,
but it seems to me, you
could win Lisa back
by appealing to hersense of reason,
and you could win your Mom back
by appealing to her feelings.
He, Moe, you give good advice.
Yeah. What have you done
of the real Moe ?
Lisa honey,
I brought you something
- a DVD !
- Not interested.
A documentary.
By the BBC.
In coorporation with Canal +.
Give me ! Give me !
Brighton, England, 1985.
Manchester United plays
Sussexton-Hamptonshire-Unleath
when a deadly riot breaks
out in the stands.
Oi, your boy's a flopper he is.
No he isn't ! He isn't !
Your mother can kiss me bum.
22 years later,
this riot is still going on.
Last year in Brazil,
an on-field scuffle
turned so violent,
locals say a statue of
the Virgin Mary came alive...
and beat the holy snot out
of everyone.
Mom, I'm going to give you life
the way I imagineyou gave me life--
by pressing alt-F-5 repeatedly.
Bart, you brought me back to life!
As best you could.
Sweetie, are you
here to forgive me?
No.
Oh! But to get that DVD,
I had to become a PBS subscriber.
Now I'm paying for crap
like American Masters.
Dad, I can't forgive you,
because there's nothing to forgive.
You were right
to kick me out of that game.
Soccer was making me insane,
just as it did the continents
of Europe and South America.
Those places are pretty terrible.
So from now on,
I'll play soccer
for the same reason
I study chemistry-- for fun.
Do you want to play a little?
I sure do.
Wait till I tell the other moms
you gave two-thirds
of your lifeforce to save me.
What a good boy.
This way.
Slay him and take
his experience points!
Wait. Stop !
If you kill me, I'll egg
your houses in real life!
It's still worth it.
I live in a loft !
My jewels!
All righ t
! I gothis flame sword !
Aw, come on.
The Shadow Knights
hall rule no more
We've spilt his blood
upon the floor
With a hi and a ho
and a trolly lolly lay
It's the jolly merrymonth of May!
Don't worry, honey.
I'll hunt down our friends
who murdered you...
one by one.
Whatever.
I'm gonna go play outside.
Look what I can do !
I have taught you well.
Too well.
Mom, are you sure you
don't want to play?
No, no. I'm fine.
Why am I paying $14.95
a month for this?
Transcript: Raceman
- Marge Gamer -
Next item on the agenda,
I'm afraid that
due to funding cuts,
we've had to sell the
science department skeleton
and replace it with
this Halloween costume.
Thank you, Willie.
Now, please return it
to its plastic snap case.
Moving on--
our class trip to Italy
is now spaghetti night
at Papa John's,
and your $1,500 deposits
will not be refunded.
Ooh, Papa John's!
We will conclude by
passing around a sheet
on which I would like
everyone's e-mail address.
What's wrong?
I can't fill out
that clipboard.
I don't have e-mail.
Oh, Marge, you got
to get on the Net.
It's got all the best
conspiracy theories.
Did you know that Hezbollah
owns Little Dolly Snack Cakes?
This stuff will
rock your world!
Fine, I'll log onto
Wahoo or Yippy
or A-O-K or Pooka-dooka,
whatever it's called.
Can we move this
meeting along?
I pay my taxes,
I expect my orange drink!
Ambrosia!
And this Web site
will tell you the weather.
Sunny ?
I never have to look out
the window again.
Let's go surfing now,
everybody's learning how
Come on and safari with me
Paper towels
for 69 cents.
68 cents.
66 cents!
Kids, get in the car!
We're going to Pennsylvania!
Ooh.
629,000 results?!
Wow.
And all this time,
I thought "Googling yourself"
meant the other thing.
Your House From Space
It's our house!
But what's that thing ?
Everyone can see you!
Get inside!
Never !
Just put on a towel!
Why don't I just
put on a dress?
Homer, you've met my parents.
Not naked, I haven't.
That Internet has it all.
Today, I found I had the same
birthday as Randy Quaid,
I MapQuested a great new
route to the armory,
and I got a list of local houses
where I'm not letting you kids
trick or treat anymore.
I'm proud of you, Mom.
You're like
Christopher Columbus.
You discovered something
millions of people
knew about before you.
MailBox
Welcome Marge
You have No new messages.
I sent everyone I know an e-card
for St. Patrick's Day,
but not one person
wrote me back.
Hmm. Maybe if I hit "Refresh."
Still nothing.
But maybe now. Or now.
The only thing that changes
is the banner ad.
Ooh.
Earthland Realms?
Earthland Realms
is a multiplayer
online role-playing game.
Do you agree to the following
terms and conditions?
"For amusement only.
Credit card information may be sold to Korean gangsters."
Just click "Agree."
Step one, create your character.
Let's see.
What kind of goofy
goobly should I be?
Whoa.
Look at those bazooms.
Who designed this character?
Probably a man.
Hmm! I can make her look any way I want.
Let's see.
Hair: blue.
Shoes: sensible.
Body type: Olive Oyl.
Face: other.
That's better.
Now, let's role... play.
Wow, it's like a renaissance fair,
but without all the chubby couples.
This is really annoying.
You're telling me.
Greetings, Cleric.
Will you undertake a quest on my behalf?
Eh, maybe I should run this by my husband first.
Things are more fun if you just answer "yes."
Then, yes.
Hither me forth on mine arduous quest.
Once again,just "yes."
Yes.
First, you must find the Armandahl of Nuxinor.
All I see is that rock.
You have found it!
Oh!
Okay, activate my level seven power stones.
Wield the orb of oblivion.
And zap!
Hmm, needs more goat soul.
Mom?!
What are you kids doing up so late?
We just got up.
It's 7:00 a.m.
I was on the computer all night!
Actually, it's Saturday.
I played a day and a night.
Bart, it's not Saturday.
Shh.
I should get some sleep.
I better check on my elf-self.
Thank you.
Come again.
Apu?
Mrs. Homer.
How nice to see you in the Realms.
How did you get in my game?
Are you a virus?
Oh, no.
I, too, am online playing.
That cobra king over there
is actually Snake.
The prison guards think I'm getting
my online law degree.
Ha, ha!
And that beguiling enchantress is Mrs. Krabappel.
This game is a great way to meet eligible men
who can afford a computer.
Or have access to one
at the school library.
It's amazing how you can
be a turkey in every reality.
What's important is we're talking.
I'm Moe.
I'm playing this while I'm on the can.
Wow, Moe!
You're a troll.
What ?
No.
My character's supposed to look like me.
Why does everyone keep thinking I'm a troll?!
Who are we hiding from?
The Shadow Knight.
Where he rides, death is sure to follow.
The Shadow Knight?
He's the most evil,destructive player in this game.
He once beat me to death with my own life bar.
Mmm...
mmm.
Who dares battle with the Shadow Knight?
Oh...
He was a good man.
A good, moist man.
Eww.
I can't watch this.
Another senseless killing by...
the Shadow Knight!
Hmm?
My son is an evil knight!
The most successful evil knight in all the Earthland Realms!
Not bad.
Aye carumba, what a day!
Brave sir knight?
What is it, Lady Milhouse?
I'm not a lady,
it's a spell, a spell you said you'd reverse.
Yeah, yeah, it's on my list.
Anyway, someone's here to see you.
Hi, Bart!
It's your mom!
I'm in your videogame with you!
What?
Why Milhouse,
don't you look pretty!
It's a spell!
And thank you.
Mom, what are you doing in my game?!
How would you like it
if I suddenly started going shopping with you?
I'd like that very much.
Uh, wh-what can I get ya,Mr. Shadow Knight, sir?
A grog? Grog light?
Uh, diet grog with lemon?
Just wring the blood from this pixie head.
Yes, sir.
Hi, everybody!
How do you play this game?
Ow!
Haaaaaaa....
Oooohh!!
Now flog yourself with this mace
while reciting the Goblin's Code!
Goblin's Code,yes, sir!
All goblins must be free of visible worms.
Oooh!
In the presence of a lady,
a goblin must remove his hat and ears.
Bart, are you drinking?
Mom!
You're making me look bad
in front of my minions!
If they think less of you because of me,
then they're not really your minions.
I'm going off to explore
the Crevices of Lagrimmar.
Great, I'll come with you.
Shouldn't you bundle up?
Here, let me enchant your pants.
Hey, Lisa,
self-conscious about your shins?
In my day, girls were worried about their boobs.
Dad, I'm going to play soccer.
I fell in love with the game
when I saw Bend It Like Beckham.
Father, I am proud
of my cultural heritage,
but I also love soccer !
You tell him, Jesminder !
I forbid you to bend
it like Beckham.
Plus, you must marry
this complete stranger.
His father is an important
business acquaintance of mine.
Love counts for nothing !
You tell her, Mr. Dhanabhai !
Business contacts are more
important than love!
Wait, that's soccer ?
I always called it "human foosball."
Would you like me to
take you to your game ?
You already promised you would.
Aw, do I have to ?
Okay, Morty, I'll tell them.
Sorry, ladies.
We got no referee,
so the game's been canceled.
I'm sorry.
I'm sure you're very disappointed.
- What happened to the ref ?
- He quit !
Being a ref is athankless job...
the parents hate ya...
the only upside is the kids
share their snack with you.
Did someone say "snack" ?
I'll be your ref!
Dad, where'd you get that outfit ?
I got fired from Foot Locker.
Kicks just keep getting
harder to find...
What's the matter, buddy ?
The American flag not
good enough for ya ?
That was my father.
I'm your father now.
I'm open !
I'm open !
No, but not with kicks
You just need help, girl...
So... tired.
Could someone bring me
another barf cone ?
So... I thought it went real well.
Until I swallowed the whistle.
You don't evenknow the rules!
This cld be my new thing,
and you're turning it into a joke!
- Hilarious joke ?
- Sadly, no.
I'm disappointed with the way
you acted today...
but I'm not surprised.
Oh, let's see.
Should I take the Trail of
Death, or the Path of Doom?
Maybe I should just go back.
Is this Wall Street Journal online?
Well, well,
looks like something's finally
about to happen in this game.
Just in time.
I was about to go to
the Pottery Barn site
to get design ideas.
It's the Shadow Knight !
- Run !
- I forget how to do that.
Control-shift-R...
Thank you, Bart.
This frame grab's going
on my coffee cup.
You guys wanna meet
at the Kwik-E-Mart?
I'm in the tub right now.
I'm in Denmark!
Hand ball !
Direct kick !
Dad, I'm impressed !
You've become
a much better referee.
Thanks, honey.
After what you said to me,
I watched hours and hours of soccer.
I almost saw a goal !
But there were so many ads
for Spanish cell phones.
Do it, sweetie!
Save our troubled marriage!
Foul on 23 !
That's crazy.
Your daughter just tripped
on her own clumsy feet!
Come on, Lisa.
Admit it !
I'm a spectator addressing
a player-- answer me!
I said foul on 23!
You are so blind,
even Jesus couldn't heal you!
Helen, please.
Don't drop the J bomb.
Well, I'm throwing you
both out of the game!
She tripped me.
Foul on the other girl.
Lisa gets apenalty kick,
and every other
kid has to pay her a dollar.
That is an outrage !
Your daughter's been
floppin' all day !
She has not.
Your daughter's rty player.
Sir, I have sired adum-dum,
a mush-head,
a what's-it, a dog boy,
and somethin' with a
human face and fish body,
what we called Kevin,
but my young'uns is not dirty players.
I don't need a soccer lecture
from a hillbilly.
That's hill-William to you, sir.
How about a lecture from me,
Ronaldo ?
Ronaldo ?!
Winner of two World Cups and three FIFA
Player of the Year awards ?
Yes, I what you said.
Now I travel the world
exposiloppers,
and your daughter is a flopper.
Now, Ronaldo away !
You heard Geraldo.
What's it gonna be ?
Yellow card !
You can't give me a yellow card.
You're my father.
When I put on these
shorts, I'm not your father anymore,
and judging by how tight they are,
I'm never going to be
anyone else's, either.
This is what I think
of your yellow card!
Unsportsman
like conduct.
That's a red card.
- You're out of the game !
- But... but...
Oh !
Another family broken
up by Ronaldo.
Yes !
What a fun quest !
Aren't you glad I made you
take that na thedle?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let me just put this holy
grail in my trophy room.
Whoa !
Where's al stuff ?!
I thought all the swords
and severed heads were kind
of gory, so I redecorated
using the Hello Kitty
expansion pack.
No !
Mom ?
Mom ?!
I was killed by my own son.
How could you kill
your own mother?
It was just a game.
A game I used to enjoy
before you mommed all oit.
Lisa, sweetie,
- I was just following the rules.
- Great.
The one time you actually
do something right,
you ruin my life.
I thinkI'l
l go to bed.
- It's 5:00 in the afternoon.
- Who cares ? I'm dead.
Ju' nys!
Those damesare cheesed.
Son, I'll never understand
women if I live to be 40.
- Big if.
- Enjoy me while I last.
Want to go slam a few beers ?
- If you watch me ?
- You know it.
What's the matter,
Homer and Bart?
Lisa's mad at me,
and Marge is am.
Well, I'm juthe bartender here,
but it seems to me, you
could win Lisa back
by appealing to hersense of reason,
and you could win your Mom back
by appealing to her feelings.
He, Moe, you give good advice.
Yeah. What have you done
of the real Moe ?
Lisa honey,
I brought you something
- a DVD !
- Not interested.
A documentary.
By the BBC.
In coorporation with Canal +.
Give me ! Give me !
Brighton, England, 1985.
Manchester United plays
Sussexton-Hamptonshire-Unleath
when a deadly riot breaks
out in the stands.
Oi, your boy's a flopper he is.
No he isn't ! He isn't !
Your mother can kiss me bum.
22 years later,
this riot is still going on.
Last year in Brazil,
an on-field scuffle
turned so violent,
locals say a statue of
the Virgin Mary came alive...
and beat the holy snot out
of everyone.
Mom, I'm going to give you life
the way I imagineyou gave me life--
by pressing alt-F-5 repeatedly.
Bart, you brought me back to life!
As best you could.
Sweetie, are you
here to forgive me?
No.
Oh! But to get that DVD,
I had to become a PBS subscriber.
Now I'm paying for crap
like American Masters.
Dad, I can't forgive you,
because there's nothing to forgive.
You were right
to kick me out of that game.
Soccer was making me insane,
just as it did the continents
of Europe and South America.
Those places are pretty terrible.
So from now on,
I'll play soccer
for the same reason
I study chemistry-- for fun.
Do you want to play a little?
I sure do.
Wait till I tell the other moms
you gave two-thirds
of your lifeforce to save me.
What a good boy.
This way.
Slay him and take
his experience points!
Wait. Stop !
If you kill me, I'll egg
your houses in real life!
It's still worth it.
I live in a loft !
My jewels!
All righ t
! I gothis flame sword !
Aw, come on.
The Shadow Knights
hall rule no more
We've spilt his blood
upon the floor
With a hi and a ho
and a trolly lolly lay
It's the jolly merrymonth of May!
Don't worry, honey.
I'll hunt down our friends
who murdered you...
one by one.
Whatever.
I'm gonna go play outside.
Look what I can do !
I have taught you well.
Too well.
Mom, are you sure you
don't want to play?
No, no. I'm fine.
Why am I paying $14.95
a month for this?
Transcript: Raceman