The Secret Life of the American Teenager (2008–2013): Season 3, Episode 22 - Loose Lips - full transcript

Oh, I can't believe
I'm getting married.
It's really exciting.

I don't know what I did
to deserve all this happiness.

Well, she and I
threw you a baby shower,

so I thought maybe you and I
should throw her a baby shower.

Uh, yeah. Mm-hmm.

I just wanted

to say thank you
for the shower.

No. What you really
wanted to do

was let me know that everything
went well with Ben.

Do I really need to know
that Adrian and Ben
are having sex?

Apparently everyone knows,



just like everyone knows
you and Amy probably aren't
having sex.

I wanna sleep with you, Amy.
I know.

And?
I want our relationship
to be more than sex.

I've been running around all day
getting ideas for that shower
you're gonna throw next week.

I told you I would do it.
Yeah, but you did it last time,
and it was totally lame.

Grace, Kathleen,
you've met my mother Carrie.

And this is Grant's father
Vic Foeburg.

I can't wait
to start our lives together.

Well, I think we're off
to a really hot start.

These are really clever.
And they're cute.

They're really cute.
Did you make them?

Yeah. I did.
Well, my mom and I did.

Actually, it was just my mom.

She doesn't really have
anything to do right now
with her husband away.



I think they're great.

And we could put them
in a scrapbook for her

along with the photos
and the lists of gifts
and all that.

Yeah.
Now all we need

is the list
of who she wants to invite.

Adrian told me you were
gonna come up with that.

Well, no,
I can't come up with that.

She has to
come up with that.

If she gives me a list,
then I'll make sure

everybody gets
the invitation.

But I don't know
who she wants to invite.

Yeah. I don't know either.

I guess
all of her friends.

Uh-huh.

And who
would that be?

I mean,
besides you and me?

Yeah. We'll be there,
of course.

But I don't know
who else should be there.

Well, I'm sure
she has other friends.

I mean,
your sister, for one.

Yeah. I guess Adrian
would consider her a friend.

Although I don't know
how much fun Ashley would be
at a shower,

or if she'll
come to a shower.

I barely got her
to come to my shower.

What about your friends?
What about Madison and Lauren?

Well, that's the thing.
They're my friends.

I don't know if Adrian
considers them her friends.

Well, wait a minute.
Alice. We can invite Alice.

Invite me?
To Adrian's baby shower.

It's this Saturday.
Oh, yeah. Look.

These are really cute
invitations.

Thank you.
That was my contribution.

And I made the reservation

and put the deposit down
at Jeff's.

And Adrian wanted Amy
to come up with a list

of girls to invite,
and you were at the top
of our list.

Oh, that's so nice.

But I didn't realize
it was this Saturday.

And I think I have
a family obligation.
Oh.

A bar mitzvah. Yeah.

My cousin's bar mitzvah.

But if I don't get there,

I will definitely
send a gift.

See you.

A bar mitzvah?

Maybe her dad's Jewish.

[chuckles]
I think her mom's Buddhist.

That's what she said
when we met her
at that school dance.

Oh, the night
Adrian and Ben...

Yeah.

Anyway, my point is

that families
can be mixed religions,

mixed races,
mixed ethnicities.

True. But I think
the bar mitzvah

was a little white lie
to get her out of this.

Are those the invitations
to my shower?

Yeah.
Yeah.

Amy's still working
on the invitation list.

I was hoping that maybe
you'd give me a list of friends

you'd like to invite.

Friends?
I don't have any friends.

Sure you do.

No, I don't,

other than you two
and maybe your sister.

That's kind of iffy.
So it'll just
be the three of us?

Well, I made 20 invitations.

My mom did.

Let's put them to good use.

I wanna invite the girls
who thought that I got

just what I deserved
when I got pregnant.

I wanna invite the girls
who were mean to me

before I got pregnant.

I don't want friends there.
I want enemies.

I wanna show them
all just how great

my life is now.

Hey, Zoe.

Oh, hey, Adrian.
What's up?

Amy and Grace
are throwing me

a baby/wedding shower,

and you're invited.

Why are you inviting me?

I slept with your boyfriend.

Although now
he's your boyfriend.

Although he used to be
your boyfriend, too, right?

Yeah.

God, are you just gonna invite
every girl

that Ricky ever slept with?
Maybe.

Candy, Robin, Cheryl!

And every girl
who slept with Ricky

when he was with Adrian!

[chattering]

No, thanks.

Can't.

Thanks anyway.

You know,

I really don't have
an excuse.

I just don't want
to get you a gift.

Did you do that
just to show me

how many girls
Ricky slept with?

No, I did not do that
just to show you

how many girls
Ricky has slept with.

And those aren't all the girls
Ricky has slept with.

Geez, Amy,
this isn't about you.

Okay? This is about me.

I just want them to know
that I won,

that I came out on top
and that I'm getting everything
that I ever wanted

and then some,
and they're not.

[scoffs]

Sorry. I'm out.

Can you believe that?

Adrian, run after her
and apologize.

That was a terrible thing
to do to her.
What--

It's not like she didn't know
Ricky's been with other girls.

Oh, that probably wasn't even
half of them.

Those were just the ones
that slept with him
when I was with him.

And, again, this isn't
about Amy, okay?

This is about me,
all right?

Those girls were mean to me,

and they always thought
they were better than me.

Okay, well, I don't know
anything about those girls,

but I do know something
about Amy.

And after everything
you guys have been through,

after all the competition
between you two,

she was still willing
to be your friend

and throw you a baby shower.

Oh, no. Please tell me

you didn't want Amy
to do all this

so you could rub it in her face
that you won,

that you got her boyfriend,

and you're having a baby
with her boyfriend,

and you're marrying
her boyfriend?

So what?

She has my boyfriend.

She already had a baby
with my boyfriend.

And her old boyfriend
is way better

than my old boyfriend, so...

I did win.

And maybe you ought
to take a look at yourself.

If you and Amy had come up
with a list of people to invite,

then I wouldn't feel as if
you were throwing it in my face

that I have no friends
at a time when I need friends.

♪ Falling in love ♪

♪ Is such an easy
thing to do ♪

♪ Birds can do it
We can do it ♪

♪ Let's stop talking
Let's get to it ♪

♪ Let's fall in love ♪

Amy, are you okay?
No, I'm not okay.

You wouldn't believe
what Adrian did to me
before school.

Oh, we heard.
Yeah, that was really lousy.

Yeah, and she just wanted
to embarrass me

by pointing out how many girls
Ricky has been with.

And it's not like I don't know
that Ricky has been
with a lot of girls.

I just didn't need to see them
all in one place at one time
like that.

And not that
that was all of them.

No, not hardly.

But you can't
let her get to you,

especially when things
are going so well with Ricky.

Easier said than done.
You know,
it's one thing to know

that he's slept
with other girls,

it's another
to actually see them.

I'm sorry, Amy.

Why did she do it?
Did she have a reason?

She says that she doesn't

have friends
to invite to the shower,

so she's going to invite
her enemies.

And those are her enemies--

girls who slept with Ricky.

Wow. That's a lot
of enemies.

Look, Amy, the whole idea
of you throwing a shower
for Adrian

was ridiculous
in the first place.

Yeah, why were you
gonna do that?

Because she threw me a shower.

Well, she was having sex
in her bedroom

with her stepbrother
during your shower.

What?
You didn't know?

No. I didn't even know
she had a stepbrother.

It's her dad's ex-wife's son.

So they're not like
really related or anything.

You know,
whatever she was doing
during my shower--

what difference
does it make?

She gave me a shower.

Well, that doesn't mean
that you owe her one back.

Yeah, it doesn't mean
you owe her anything.

Adrian's been a witch lately.

And, I mean, I feel badly
that she's having a baby

that she hadn't planned
and she's still in high school,

but she did this to herself.

Well, not exactly.

You know what I mean.

Actions have consequences.

And--
And, Amy,

I hate to say it,
but you really
did this to yourself.

It's not that we don't feel
really badly for you, but--

Oh, yeah,
we feel badly for you.

That's not a pretty picture--
all those girls in the hallway.

Not pretty at all.

You know, maybe you should've
just come up with who to invite.

So you're sayjng
it's my fault

because I agreed to do
something nice for Adrian.

Well, kind of.

You're just too nice.
Yeah.

You always have been.
Mmm.

That's how
this whole thing started--

you were too nice to Ricky
when you had sex with him
at band camp.

Thanks.

Thanks a lot.

It's nice to know
what my friends really think.

Well, she was too nice.
Way too nice.

Well, maybe you
were too hard on her.

Maybe you were
too hard on her.

And, really, I don't know why
she'd be nice to Adrian.

Adrian is not nice to her.

She's not nice to anybody,
except maybe Ben.

Yeah. No wonder
she doesn't have any friends
to invite to her shower.

You know,
I'd say something to Adrian

if she wasn't having a baby.
Mm-hmm.

Oh, would you?

Well, just ignore
that I'm having a baby

and say what you wanna say.

Uh...

It's a natural process--
having a baby.

It's not like I'm sick
or I'm dying or anything,

so say what you wanna say,

O best friends
of Amy Juergens.

Uh, I, um...

I just, uh--

We were hoping
to go to your shower.

Yeah.

And I guess
we weren't invited,

and that really
hurt our feelings.

You two are liars.

Hurt your feelings?

I didn't hurt your feelings.

Your friend Amy
hurt my feelings.

But don't worry.
I don't expect you
to take my side in this.

I don't need you
or anybody else to take
my side in this.

Okay, you are not
a very good liar.

I was just
trying to spare her
from more pain.

Oh, so you're
taking Adrian's side.

No, I'm not.

I'm always on Amy's side
even when she's wrong.

And I'm not
saying she's wrong.

Well, was she or wasn't she?

Hey, Adrian.

I've been looking
for you.

I was in the bathroom
washing my face.

Stupid Amy made me cry
messed up my eyeliner.

This pregnancy
is making me all girlie.

Amy made you cry?
Yes.

I'm sure you don't think
little Miss Teen Mother
Role Model

did anything wrong,
but she did.
What-- No, no, no.

I would believe she did
something wrong

if you say
she did something çrong.

What did she do?

She embarrassed me
by pointing out

that I have no friends
to invite to my shower.

You have friends.
You have plenty of friends.

No, I don't.

I don't have
any friends at all.

Well,

except for you.

And you're all that I need.

[sighs]

I'm gonna have a word with Amy,
if you don't mind.

No, I don't mind.

But I'm sure Ricky
would mind.

So maybe
you'd better not.

Yeah, well, I don't care
if Ricky minds.

No one's gonna make
the mother of my baby

and my future wife cry
at school.

They were all
just standing there
right in front of me--

all those girls
that you ever slept with.

I think
she did it on purpose,

because I think that
she's still in love with you.

Even though she's having a baby
and getting married to Ben,

I think she's still in love
with you, and she doesn't
want you to be with me.

Adrian is not
still in love with me.
That's ridiculous.

And I don't care anyway.

You know,
I care about you.

You said you loved me.

Yeah. Not at school, okay?
That's personal.

And Adrian knows
I care about you,

and she doesn't care
about anyone
but herself right now.

She's having a baby.
Yeah, well, I had a baby.

Yeah, and?

And I cared about people
other than myself.

Okay.

"Okay"?

Whose side are you on?

No one's.
I'm staying out of this.

Oh, really?
And how are you
going to do that?

You're already in this.
How am I in this?

Because you're the one
who slept with all the girls
in the hallway.

I've slept with no one
since you asked me not to.

And I suggest we drop this

before neither of us wants
to sleep with the other one.

What does that mean?

It means just what I said.

I'm staying out of this.

Where do you think
you're going?

I might ask you
the same thing.

Look, you stay away
from Adrian.

Amy's hurt her enough,
and I'm gonna go talk to Amy
about that right now.

You're what?
She upset Adrian.

Adrian is having a baby.
She should not be upset.

I agree.
She shouldn't be upset.

But you'd think
that since Adrian's pregnant

and about to be a mother
that she'd be a little nicer

to everyone else,
including Amy.

No, you'd think
everybody else

would be a little nicer to her,
including Amy.

I told Amy
I'm staying out of this.

And I'm staying out of this,
and I suggest you do the same.

Just let Adrian and Amy
do whatever Adrian and Amy
are gonna do.

Let's not you and me
get involved here.

No. I'm involved.

I'm plenty involved.
I'm talking to Amy.

No, you're not.
You stay away from Amy.

Anyou stay away
from Adrian.

I wasn't going anywhere
near Adrian.

ive her a list
of her friends,

and Adrian doesn't
really have any friends.

And she embarrassed her
in front of a whole
hallway of people.

So you're not only insisting
on being involved
in this stupid fight,

you're bringing Bunny
into this?

We're off the clock,

and Bunny is a friend
of my family,

and this is
a private conversation.

Guys, you can't keep bringing
this stuff into the workplace.

I'm not, but if I were,
I'd tell you that Adrian

wanted to invite
every girl I've ever slept with
to her shower

just so she could show them
how much better her life is
without me,

simultaneously showing Amy
how many girls I've slept with,

and possibly
affecting our relationship

when things just started
looking really good for us.

Please. Is that what
Amy's telling you?

Yeah, that's what Amy's
telling me,

But, Ben,
this is a chick fight,

and chick fights
are dangerous.

Any fight between
any two people is dangerous.

I know this.
I watched my parents
fight all the time,

and I learned
to stay out of it.

So let's agree
to stay out of it.

There's Adrian's side,
and there's Amy's side,

and we don't have a side.

I have a side.

I'm not a neutral party
and neither are you.

But you could be,

so let's shake hands
and come out not fighting.

No offense,
but I'm not shaking hands.

Hm.

Look, I don't like
to have personal problems
going on at work,

but this is the kind
of personal problem

that can escalate
into a global problem.

You know that,
and I know that.

So let's get back in there

and get Ben
and talk this through.

I don't wanna talk.
I just wanna do my job.

And I wanna do my job
without talking to anyone

that I don't have to talk to,
if you don't mind.

[scoffs]
I do mind.

I'm telling you, I see it.

This is gonna snowball
into hell.

Not because of me.

So you're taking his side?

I'm not taking sides,
and you and Ricky
shouldn't take sides.

So you agree with Ricky.
Of course.

When you take sides,
the rest of the world

lines up behind one
or the other of you, so--

So fine.
I'm taking Adrian's side.

And it makes me really angry
that other people
don't take her side

because they're too busy
judging her.

Somehow she got labeled
as the bad girl,

and no matter
what she does or says,

people wanna think of her
as the bad girl.

"Somehow"?
"Somehow she got labeled
as a bad girl"?

We're one and the same--
Adrian and me.

We've both been
with too many people
for all the wrong reasons.

And admit it,
Adrian always seems
to enjoy things better

if things include
getting back at people
along the way--

me, her mother, her father.

Anyone. Even you.

This is not
getting in the middle?

Well--
I'm just telling you
what I know.

I know her,
and I know Amy.

And that fight today
was probably as much
one's fault as the other's.

So let's stay out of it,
and that's the last time
I'm saying that.

Let's not.
At this point,

I know Adrian better
than you know Adrian,

and she was not out
to hurt anyone at school today.

I know that.
You do not know that.

You don't know anything
about that fight,
and neither do I.

And we can't
possibly really know

what Amy's motivation was

for not having
the invitation list,

or Adrian's motivation

for including girls I slept with
on the invitation list,

or if either of them
even had a motivation.

What's your real reason
for not coming to Amy's defense?

I think you're still
in love with Adrian.
That's the problem.

You're still in love with her.
I was never in love with her.

No, you were in love with her.

You told her you were
in love wither.

I told all of those girls
I was in love with them, too.

What do you mean
you don't know
if there's gonna be a shower?

After that, there's still
supposed to be a shower?

I froze four dozen cupcakes
this afternoon

that I baked from scratch
and made little
teeny-tiny roses for.

There's gonna be a shower.

Mom, there's no one to invite.

I'm not gonna invite
a bunch of mean girls
who slept with Ricky.

I can't do that.
I can't ask Amy
to buy them lunch.

That's crazy.

There must be at least
four or five girls

Adrian knows from majorettes
or from...

Well, what else was she
involved in at school?

Nothing.

And come on.
Everybody knows the majorettes
are all sluts.

Grace!

You know that's not true.
I know.

I guess Adrian's not that close
with them.

It doesn't mean
they can't be friends.

I'll try.

It just seems like Adrian
wants the shower
for all the wrong reasons.

Stop being so judgmental, honey.

I mean, maybe she just
wants a shower
because she wants a shower.

Most brides and mothers-to-be
want to have a shower,

and most of the time
their friends and family
wanna give them a shower.

And I've already spent
too much time

and too much money on this
for you to just give up.

And you've spent too much time
and too much effort

on your friendship with Adrian
to just give up.

I don't wanna spend
any more time or effort

on this friendship
or the shower.

I really don't.
Maybe if you weren't so busy

having sex with Grant,
you would have more time

and energy for your friends
and for this shower.

I know, but given the choice--

You don't have a choice.

There's gonna be a shower.

And if you and Adrian
are the only two people there,

you're not gonna feel
very good about it,

and neither is she
and neither am I.

Mom, it was like a nightmare.

All of them standing there,
staring at me.

Well, were they staring at you,
or were they staring at Adrian?

Okay, fine.
They were staring at Adrian,

and I was staring at them,
because--

How could she
do that to me? How?

Well, I'm not so sure that
she was doing anything to you.

At least she didn't plan
on doing anything to you.

Just walk over next door
and talk to her.

Just apologize if you did
anything to offend her,

and just work it out, Amy.

What? If I did anything?
How about if she did anything?

Well, so what
if she did something?

She's very pregnant,
and she and Ben
are getting married.

She's probably under
a lot of stress,
so just give her a break and--

[beeping]
Hold on. There's someone
on the other line.

[beeps]
Hello?

Amy, is that you?

Who is this?

Oh. Sorry.

It's Kathleen Tseguay.

Who?

Kathleen, Grace's mom.

Oh, hi.

Uh, I'm on the other line
with my mom.

Oh, well, I was hoping
to talk to your dad.

[beeps]
Mom,

that's Kathleen Bowman.

Or some other name.
Wife number one.

She wants to speak with Dad.

Well, then let her
speak to Dad.

Good night, Amy.
I love you.

[beeps]
Dad!

You love me?
It's our first date.

It's not our first date.
I wasn't talking to you.

Fine. I don't wanna
talk anyway.

Hello?

George.

Who is this?
Kathleen.

Kathleen Smith
Juergens Bowman Tseguay?

That's the one.

You wanted to see me?

Yes. I wanted
to ask you something.

[sniffs]
Is that you?

Are you wearing cologne?

Is that what
you wanted to ask me?

You call me all the way
from the guest house,

and you ask me
if I am wearing cologne?

What? No.

I called you up here to ask
if you know

if Adrian has any friends
or girlfriends.

Has she ever mentioned
any girlfriends to you?

I don't know anything
about any girlfriends.

Hers or mine.
Good night.

Are you sure?

I am sure.
What about Tammy?

Do you think Tammy would go
to a shower for Adrian?

Would my old girlfriend

go to a shower for a woman
I still love?

I doubt it.

Help me.

I need to find someone
to go to Adrian's shower.

I think Mom's doing that.

No. She's doing
a bunch of other stuff,

and I'm supposed to do that.

She told me to find
a bunch of girls

to go to Adrian's shower.
[huffs]

Yeah. Poor Grace.

You got it really tough.

You're beautiful,
you're smart,

you have boyfriend,

and yet you always do
is complain, complain, complain.

That's not a very nice thing
to say to me, Tom.

Well, that's not nice

to say Adrian has no friends.

You could make her feel bad.

I never said that.
I didn't make her feel bad.

Amy made her feel bad.

Then I don't like you or Amy.

Why? Because you're still
in love with Adrian?

Maybe if you got over her,
you'd find someone else
to go out with.

You think you know everything,

but if you're really smart,

you wouldn't have sex
with every guy you date.

I can't believe
you just said that.

I said it, and I meant it.

[scoffs]

Tom! Wait!
I need to talk to you!

You stink, you know that?

I don't stink!
You stink!

You and your cologne!

[laughs]
I know.

That was the funniest thing
you ever did--

putting those bunk beds
in our bedroom and...

Oh. Hi, Grace.
Do you need something?

Who are you talking to?
Do you need something?

No.

Grace just walked in,
so I should probably go.

I thought you were sick
of talking to teenagers.
I know I am.

I didn't say that.

No, you said that,
and I agreed with you.

No, no. You said it,
and I agreed with you.

Mom--
Yeah, well, despite that,

you have to talk to Grace,
and I have to talk to Amy.

Good luck.
You, too. Good night.

[beeps]

That wasn't Jeff.

No, it wasn't.

It was George Juergens.

I called him to ask
if he would encourage Amy

to work things out
with Adrian.
Why?

I told you,
Adrian should be the one
to work things out with Amy.

Either way,
they should work it out.

Just so we can have
the stupid shower?

No, not so we can have
the stupid shower.

Because they're friends.

And are you and George
friends now?

[scoffs]
Come on, Grace.

George is George.

You wouldn't...

Cheat on Jeff?

No, I wouldn't.

Were you about to say
that I've done that before?

I cheated before
when I was married to George?

Maybe, but I didn't.

You're on restriction.
Starting now.

So I can't throw that shower?

Can't anyone else
answer the stupid door?

[George]
No! And ask who it is!

Duh. Who is it?
Ben.

I'd like to speak with you,
if I may.

Yeah, you may.
Come on in.

I don't really have
a lot of time.

I was just cutting John's nails,
and he hates that.

I have to study for calculus,
and I hate that.

Hi, John.

Wanna sit down?

Yeah, if you don't mind.

"If you don't mind,
if I may"...

I know what this is about.

Hey, Dad,
will you get John?

Okay. Go on, buddy.

[grunts]
Got him!

I'm really upset with you,
but I'm trying to be polite.

I don't have time
for polite.

Just tell me
why you're upset.

Say what you wanna say.

Like I don't already know.

So you do know
that you were rude to Adrian
and made her cry.

Adrian was rude to me
and made me cry.

In response to what
you did to her.

Which was try to throw her
a baby shower.

No. Which was to point out

that she has no friends
to come to a baby shower.

I was not doing that.

I just didn't know
who to invite.

That was her job--
to come up with a list.

She doesn't have a list.

Oh, no, no.
She did have a list.

It just was not the list
I was looking for.

[sighs]

[sighs]
Amy, we're friends,
aren't we?

I don't know. I don't know
what being friends
with you means.

That we once
loved each other,

but now
we love other people.

So now we're just friends.
But we are friends.

So, if I ask you,

as a friend,
to make up with Adrian

and just come up
with some girls
to come to the shower,

can't you do that for me,
for old time's sake?

I don't know anyone
to come to the stupid shower.

And after what Adrian did,
I don't even wanna go
to the stupid shower.

All right.

I have a suggestion
for a shower guest.

Maybe you
can just invite her,

and then the list
will grow from there.

Ask Alice.
I did ask Alice.

And she's going
to a cousin's bar mitzvah
on Saturday.

She's Japanese.

I know that. Ben,

since we're friends,

I wanna be honest with you
and tell you something

that your other friends
won't tell you.

You're having a baby
with a girl who got pregnant

because she was trying
to get back
at her old boyfriend.

And you're marrying her
and sharing the rest
of your life with her,

and she's still trying
to get back at her old boyfriend

and all the girls
he ever slept with,
including me.

And that's the truth.

So deal with it.

And just what was your reason
for getting pregnant?

Were you taken advantage of?

Did Ricky take advantage
of you?

Were you sexually stupid?

Did you not know
that having unprotected sex

could result in a pregnancy?

You know,
at least Adrian is willing

to take responsibility
for what happened.

Yeah, even though
it was an accident,

Adrian is willing
to take responsibility.

And Adrian is honest,
even brutally honest.

So I believe her
when she says

that she wasn't out
to get you today.

And I believe her
when she says
that she was embarrassed

because there was no list
of girls to invite.

And I believe her
when she says that she loves me

and wants to be with me
for the rest of our lives.

Do you believe Ricky
when he tells you
that he loves you?

Because Ricky
has told every girl

that he has ever been with
that he loves her.

Do you really love Ricky?

The real Ricky?

The guy who slept
with all those girls?

The guy that every girl
has been with?

Or do you just wanna justify
getting pregnant by him
in the first place?

Get out of this house.

And gladly.

[door opens]

[door closes]

You still want me
to throw a shower for Adrian?

- Oh, boy.
- She's my daughter.

I think he forgets how much
Amy has been through.

I don't know what to say
other than he's my son,

and right now
he's going through a lot.

That's not Amy's fault.

What?

Well, no, it's not
exactly her fault.

"Not exactly"?
What does that mean?

Nothing. It means nothing.

You know I'm under
a lot of pressure here myself,

and I don't wanna say anything
I shouldn't.

So, I'll talk to Ben.

Good. Talk to Ben.

How is it Amy's fault?
How could it possibly
be Amy's fault?

Let's just let
sleeping dogs lie, huh?

Let's not.

George, my 17-year-old son
is having a baby.

He's moving out of my house
and into a condo,

and he's getting married.

And in the midst of all that,
he did something stupid tonight.

I'm sorry.

You don't have to
apologize to me.

He has to apologize to Amy.

And I don't care
what his excuse is.

There is no excuse.
My Amy is a nice girl.

She didn't deserve that.

I'm sure she didn't.

But if there's an excuse,
I'd say that

Ben fell in love with Amy,
and it was the beginning
of the end

of a normal teenage existence
as he knew it.

It took him down
a completely different path

that neither Ben or I
wanted him to go.

And I'm not saying

that him having a baby
and getting married
is Amy's fault,

and I'm not saying that
argument today is Amy's fault.

I'm just saying that the forces
behind that argument today

were set in motion
a long time ago

by Amy.

Well, I don't know anything
about forces

or consequences
or going down paths
or normal teenage existence

or any of
that other gibberish.

All I know is your son
came over to my house tonight

and said some horrible things
to my daughter.

He did.
But from his perspective,

those horrible things are true.

And it's the perspective
of a young man

who got involved with a girl
that was pregnant at 15.

What the hell is going on?

What new conspiracy
against Adrian and me is this?

Dad if you think you're gonna
force an apology from me

for what I said tonight,
you're wrong.

I'll talk to him.

Do that.

[door opens, closes]
[sighs]

Do not put me in a position
to defend you again.

I don't like
having to defend you.

In the process
of defending you,

I said some things
that I now regret.

I rarely do that,
but I did that

because I completely
lost my mind

in trying
to stand up for you,

which is what you're doing
in trying to stand up
for Adrian.

You do not go over
to someone's house
and attack them like that

even if you think
it's the honorable thing to do--

defending your bride.

You escalated a little fight
in the hallway today

And I really don't know how
to stop it at this point.

But it needs to be stopped
as soon as possible.

Stopped or won?

Stopped.

Yo, hey, what's up?
You wanted to talk to me?

[sighs]

[sighs]

You mind?

Good night, Alice, Henry.

Good night.
Good night.

The King
doth looked P.O.'d.

Yes, he doth.

So does the prince.

You have a bar mitzvah
to go to this Saturday?

[chuckles]

Alice?
Uh-oh.

Look,

if you don't wanna
be friends with Adrian,

then you don't
wanna be friends with me.

Oh, no.

I wanna be friends
with Adrian.

I just don't wanna
go to a shower.

You two are my only friends,
and I don't wanna sit around

with Amy and Adrian and Grace
and play shower games.

And why would you?

I mean, you've only been
coming over to my house

for, what,
almost ten years now?

Eating our food

and being driven
by our chauffeur.

Sleeping in my room
and playing in our game room.

Watching movies
in our screening room,

and going to sports events
and concerts

and restaurants
all at my family's expense.

Why would you wanna do me
the very small favor

of getting a little gift
for my soon-to-be wife's shower?

My soon-to-be wife
and mother
of my daughter's shower?

That's a bit harsh,
isn't it?

I'm sorry.
It's not that I don't love you.

I love you, Ben.

It's just that I don't wanna be
part of all this.

I don't really think
you should be getting married.

Oh, God.

What do you think, Henry?

I think that neither of you
can take back

what you just said
to each other,

and so I'll just say
I love you both,

and I apologize to each of you
for what the other said.

And I wish you love, peace,

and Soul Train!

Just trying to use humor

to keep our friendship
from falling into a black hole.

Too late.

That's not what we broke up
over-- whether or not
you would have sex with me.

Yes, it was.
It was why you wouldn't

Because you thought I'd had sex
with that girl you hated.

What girl I hated?

Karen.
Who?

Karen Corcoran.

Oh, come on.
She made lunch for me one day.

That was the end of it
for you and me.

Oh, yeah. Ham sandwich
and a bag of chips.

Oh, yeah.
Now it's coming back to me.

You did not forget that.
Come on.

[laughs]
No, I did.

Wait. I beat her out
for position
on the cheerleading squad,

so she went after you
to get back at me.

I never did anything
with that girl.

Okay, but you wanted to,
and she wanted to.

That'why she made you
a ham sandwich.

We were having
a perfectly nice evening.

Why'd you have to go
and bring that up for?

It was high school.

Oh, come on.
It was nothing.

Okay. Well,
maybe it's nothing,

but because of that,
we both ended up marrying
other people.

Because of a ham sandwich?

Yep.

High school stinks.

We're not
in high school anymore.

The whole world's
a high school.

This shower has gotten
completely out of hand.

[chuckles]
Yeah.

It's funny
how one little argument
can destroy an entire universe.

Yeah.

Do you remember
why we broke up?

Uh, yeah.
You cheated on me.

Yeah, but it was more
than that, really.

No, that was it.

No, you didn't wanna go
to couples counseling

because the counselor
was a woman.

And I felt that I needed
a woman on my side.

I thought that a woman
could explain

why a woman would cheat
on her husband

and, well,
make it sound good.

But you wouldn't go.

No. And you know what?

I still don't think a marriage
can be saved through counseling.

And now I've got
the experience to prove it.

Yeah, well,
the marriage counselor

really couldn't have made it
sound good,

because I was just angry

on a really deep level.

I-- I'd gotten married
way too early,

and I didn't really
wanna be married.

I just wanted to have sex.
[laughs]

Oh, wanted
to be close to someone,

and I wanted someone
to love me.

I loved you.

You used to leave your socks
on the floor.

I had told you
that was driving me crazy--
your socks on the floor.

I felt like I was always
picking up your dirty socks.

I like to just
step out of them.

I still do.

I stand on the toe of one sock,
and I pull my foot out,

and then I stand on the toe
of the other sock,
and I pull my foot out.

I've been doing it
since I was a kid.

It's like setting
my feet free.

I love the feeling.

Well, I never told you
that I threw away

every sock that you left
on the floor

until you were almost
out of socks.

And then when you were down
to your last pair,

I-- I-- I got scared,
and I went out,

and, um, bought you
some new socks.

[chuckles]
So what are you saying?

The guy you cheated with
was a sock salesman?

The guy sold socks?

Well, he owned
the sock company.

He just happened
to be in the store.

So you did it with him
because my socks
were on the floor?

Your socks were on the floor
every day for a couple years,
George,

and it went to a bad place
inside me--

picking up those socks.

I just-- I felt like
I was your servant.

And I had had it
drilled into me

all my life
by my own mother

that women
are the servants of man,

and I just didn't like it.

I didn't like picking up
those socks, George.

[sighs]
I hated it.

[chuckles]
What was it
that you said earlier?

"It's funny
how one little argument

can destroy
the entire universe."

[door closes]

It was just socks.

[beeping]
Grace, I'm telling you,
he f

he feels really bad.

Just go down there
and talk to him.

No. If he felt really bad,
he'd come up here.

You know he didn't mean it.
Well, then he shouldn't
have said it.

Grace--
What?

Do you mind?
I'm trying to text Grant.

Will you just forget
about Grant for two seconds?

You'd like that,
wouldn't you?

What is wrong with you?
I'll tell you
what's wrong with me.

My day started off badly,
and it's only gotten worse.

I cannot believe
this fight with Adrian
has escalated into this--

into my not being able
to see Grant.

And how are you blaming that
on Adrian?

Who am I supposed
to blame it on? Me?

It's not my fault Adrian
doesn't have any friends
to invite to her shower.

As her one and only friend,

surely you know this
about Adrian:

She doesn't have any friends.
Well, as usual,

that sounds like something
Madison would say.

Did you say that
or did Madison say that?

I haven't even spoken
to Madison tonight

'cause I've been too busy
talking to Tom

as if I don't have
two tests tomorrow.

Why don't you just admit
that the fight in the hallway

was as much your fault
as anyone else's?
[scoffs]

I don't think you wanna
throw a shower for Adrian,

because if you did,
you would've come up with
a list of girls to invite.

That wasn't my job.
That was Amy's job.

I made the invitations.

And that fight in the hallway
was Adrian's way

of trying to show Amy
how many girls Ricky
had slept with.

It has nothing to do with me.
You say you're friends

with Adrian,
but I don't think you are.

I don't think you've ever
really gotten over the fact

that she and I had sex
when you wouldt
have sex with me.

And are we talking
about oral sex or sex sex?

Face it, Jack.
Our relationship was never
gonna work out

after you two did
whatever you two did.

And yet
you had sex with me.

I wish I hadn't
had sex with you.

And which was it,
oral sex or sex sex?

Why? You still care
about me?

Your mom said I could
talk to you for two minutes.

You know what?
Two minutes would be too long.

Good night.

I really hate you.

[chuckles]
I really don't believe that.

You weren't even gonna
invite me to Adrian's shower?

It wasn't my place
to invite anyone, okay?

Yes, it was.
Adrian and Grace

made the invitation list
to your shower.

Did they?

Oh, yeah, maybe they did.
That's why the neighbors
were there.

Yeah, that's why
the neighbors were there.

And this is why
you're a complete ass.

Okay, Ashley.

I have heard enough bad things
said about me tonight.

From just one person,
or a lot of different people?

Just one. Ben.

Ben came over here
and told me off earlier,

and I'm really
not quite over it.

So I don't need you
to make me feel badly
about anything more, okay?

Is that what's making you
feel badly?

Or are you still
feeling badly from seeing
all of Ricky's lovers?

Old lovers.
You hope they're old lovers.

I know they're old lovers,
and I know they don't
mean anything to him.

Just like Ben doesn't mean
anything to you, so why should
you care what he said?

He practically accused me
of pretending
to be in love with Ricky

just so I could justify
having slept with him
in the first place.

Uh-huh. And?

And that's not true.

I was attracted to Ricky
at band camp,

and then I hated Ricky
for what happened at band camp,

and then I fell in love
with Ricky.

I love him.

The Ricky in your imagination,

or the real Ricky
who sleeps with everyone?

Not everyone.

Not you.

You know, I called Adrian
a few minutes ago

to find out her side
of the story,

and she said she was
on the other line with Ricky

and she'd have to
call me back.

And you wanted to come
and tell on Ricky because?

Because you blame me
for kissing Ricky,

and that's because
you don't think

he could ever seriously
be attracted to me.

And that hasn't made me
feel so good...for months.

So I took this opportunity
to tell you.

Yeah.

You can't possibly see that kiss
for what it really was--

a complete
and total betrayal.

You really didn't care
if you completely destroyed

my relationship with Ricky
just to have a little fun.

And you didn't really care
if you completely destroyed
this family

just to have
a little fun at band camp.

[sighs]

Ben told you
not to talk to me.

He did.
But you know what, Adrian?

As close as you and Ben are,
you and me--

we've known each other
a lot longer than you and Ben.

And you and me--
we understand each other.

Yeah, I guess.
So what do you want?

I just wanna talk.
So talk.

Did you really not know
what you were doing

when you were calling
all those girls over
in the hallway?

Did you not know

that that would be
hurtful to Amy

to have to look at
a bunch of girls
that I had sex with?

What, you think
I called them all last night

and told them
to be out there this morning?

No. It just happened.

I mean, let's face it.
You've been around.

Know what I'm talking about?
Yes, I know what
you're talking about.

So were you just
trying to hurt me?

I wasn't trying to hurt
anyone, okay?

I just want a shower.

I've never really had a party
because girls don't like me.

And I want a party.
Do you know why
girls don't like you?

It doesn't matter.
I just know that they don't.

Because they don't,

I feel kind of like
I'm less than other people.

But, Adrian, maybe girls
would like you

if you were nicer to them.
Yeah, I know.

But I never get a chance
to be nice to them.

I don't have anyone
to be nice to except for Ben.

And I am really nice to Ben.

Yeah, he's let everyone know,
believe me.

Come on, Adrian.

I know that all this stuff
goes back to your feeling

like all the kids
in elementary school
made fun of you

because you didn't have
nice clothes and all that.

But it's not elementary school,

and you have to be
a grown-up now.

You gotta get over
your insecurities.

But I am.
No. No, you're not.

Just marrying Ben
is not gonna get you
over your insecurities.

It may just make you
feel more insecure.

What do you mean?
Nothing.

Could you just go over
and talk to Amy
before anyone gets hurt?

You know,
I think Amy doesn't want

any more company tonight.

I think I'll let her get over
her last company.

Know what I mean?

No, I don't know
what you mean.

What do you mean.
You don't mean
Ben was over there?

Adrian!

Ben really
should've let you

talk to me at school today.

[sighs]