The Royals (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 4 - What, Has This Thing Appear'd Again Tonight? - full transcript
Cyrus is furious to learn that Helena intends to unveil a monument to Simon and cancels the ceremony, making it appear as a concession to non-Royalists. Liam steps in to ensure the dedication goes ahead but a drunken Cyrus later destroys the statue. Eleanor slips away from bodyguard James for a drug-filled afternoon with Mandy, later ending up in bed with her though she is unaware that Mandy has her own agenda. Ted returns to work, haunted by the death of his wife during an attempted assassination and a man steps out of the shadows to accuse him of killing Simon. Helena meanwhile asks private secretary Lucius to send a message to her lover Alistair, ignorant of his fate.
Previously on The Royals.
Lucius, I'd like you to
deliver this letter for me.
You're the only one I can trust.
I will see to it personally.
It's nothing personal, Captain Lacey.
And did you do as I asked?
The message was delivered.
Let's not say goodbye.
- Let's just say...
- I love you.
- I'm Len.
- Mandy.
Despite our best efforts
to eradicate your cancer,
we need to remove a testicle.
You shouldn't have been on your feet
after surgery like that.
My father had cancer.
He was stubborn, too.
Now drink,
and then get some sleep.
- Do you think they did it?
- Of course they did.
We kill one of theirs,
they kill two of ours.
Open the gate!
The King is down!
Oh, no! No!
Er...
♪ It isn't all bad,
it isn't all good...
Oh, this darn game's been
driving me crazy all night.
You've been here all night?
- Mm-hm.
- Why?
Because you were sick, silly.
Hey! You need to take care of yourself
if you want to get well.
You want to get well, don't you?
I want to have a drink.
Good.
Fresh pomegranate juice.
I'm not having
pomegranate juice.
I'm having bourbon,
and plenty of it.
I also made you some breakfast.
- What is it?
- Turnips and rutabagas.
They're cruciferous, which is kind of
a funny word when you say it.
Cruciferous. Try it.
- Cruciferous.
- Cruciferous!
Okay.
Well, I'm happy
that you're awake.
I'll let you get on
and do your... kingly stuff.
Wait.
Stay.
I may need your assistance.
That is, if you'd like to stay.
I'd, uh, I'd like that.
Long live the King!
Long live the King!
Wait here one moment.
Long live the King!
Long live the King!
Long live the King!
Long live the King!
This monument
will symbolize the good will
we feel here today.
King Simon loved the people.
He served them well,
and he will be remembered
as one of, if not the
greatest ever
to rule this kingdom.
Now there you have it.
As you can see,
this afternoon's dedication
of His Majesty King Simon's
commemorative monument
will be a raucous
and celebratory moment for all.
♪ All that I'm holding
in my hand, baby
♪ Is yours to take
♪ All that I'm holding
in my hand, baby
♪ It's yours to shake
It's yours to shake
♪ It's yours to shake
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
Long live the King!
Long live the King!
Long live the King!
♪ Didi, I just saw
the wildest thing...
James?
Would you please bring me some...
♪ Just walk into the ocean...
Thank you.
♪ Nothing I could do
♪ Gone before I knew...
I'm sorry about Beckwith.
♪ I can't wait to see you...
It's my own fault.
I don't know if you've realized,
but I'm kind of a hot mess.
May I speak freely, Your Highness?
You better.
♪ I'd never been so alone
♪ Till I read...
Most of the time, if you're
aware of the problem
you can fix the problem.
- You say that you're a mess.
- Yeah.
So maybe take some time
to clean up the mess.
You mean the drugs.
If that's your biggest vice.
Yeah, well that or men.
So, pick one of the two
and walk away for a while.
And do what?
Phone a friend?
- What happened?
- Apparently it fell.
Probably threw himself
off the wall.
- You look like shit.
- Yeah, well, I feel worse than I look.
Considering the headlines,
I'm guessing I don't have to
ask how it went with Ophelia.
You're a savvy agent, Jasper.
You learn anything
about that symbol?
No, not yet.
I wanted to see how you'd feel
about me asking for Ted's help.
Ted's a good man.
Do what you have to do.
It's Holden.
He says it's a surprise.
I can't do it, I'm hungover.
Those guys wear me out.
Awkward.
Look, James, a dinosaur.
It looks just like you.
Hey!
Damn, girl, you're
even foxier in the daylight.
Thanks.
This is my latest bodyguard, James.
James, this is the girl who will be
responsible for the mayhem
that you get into trouble
for this afternoon.
Kind of you to warn me in advance.
Right, James, we're off to the bog.
Don't worry, we'll be right back.
- Are you out yet?
- Not yet.
- Hurry up!
- Okay. Wait.
Hurry up.
Go, go, go!
Urgh! Okay.
Oh!
- The tequila!
- Heads.
Urgh!
Whatever you do, don't look up.
- Wow!
- I told you not to look up!
It's the infamous royal beaver!
I knew I should have gone first.
Or possibly worn underpants.
Nice wax.
Lasering. Thanks. Ooh!
Agh! Okay, here we go.
Go! Go!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
I'll give you a piggyback.
- Go, go, go!
- Ahh!
You sure
you don't want to change?
- I'm fine.
- You don't look fine.
Just kick the ball.
Oh! Well done.
Oh, my God, I want to try it.
This whole stadium just for us?
My father bought into
the team years ago.
It was a nice investment.
Okay, if you bitches kick it
anywhere near my face,
I will destroy you
through social media.
Alright, you ready?
- Not in the face!
- Ivan! You didn't even try!
It's Eevon, I've changed it.
And, honey,
you kicked it way over there.
Oh, my God, I hate this game.
Oh, my God, I love this game.
Oh, more flowers
from your boyfriend?
That man, he just cannot
get enough of me.
- Okay, I'm ready.
- For what?
My new face!
I want you to do it.
I want you to be the one
to tell me.
Sure thing.
So, what did you go for anyway?
Well, I asked for
Kate Upton's breasts,
Kate Beckinsale's arse,
and my face was a sort of
Grace Kelly/Marilyn Monroe
combo, but with better lips.
Okay, Picasso.
Here we go.
Wait.
I'm really nervous.
Please say
you'll still be my sister
if I end up looking like
Melanie Griffith.
Of course I will be.
Anyway, I've always been
the hot one.
Okay.
Is it bad?
Pen?
Is it terrible?
Do I look like Cher?
Your Majesty?
I want all the currency
bearing his likeness
to be replaced and destroyed.
As you wish, Your Majesty.
However, it may take
some time to eradicate
all the former currency
from the palace.
Not from the palace,
from England!
Your Majesty, I'm afraid you
have another visit for...
Splendid.
That should be a ball.
Good luck.
You know, I'm supposed to be giving up
one of my vices today. Dudes or drugs.
- Definitely dudes.
- Yeah.
So, a hiatus from guys, huh?
Yeah.
#guyatus.
♪ And I take good care of you
♪ But you're heartless,
you're heartless
♪ You turn it into your own...
Even though
the cancer has metastasized,
we can be more aggressive
with our approach.
Radiation and chemotherapy.
There are experimental drugs
we can explore.
Don't give up hope.
We can beat this thing.
♪ But I'll take care of your mind
♪ I lost you, I miss you,
I wanna hold you
♪ So don't you deny it
♪ I lost you, I miss you,
I wanna hold you
♪ Come back
♪ Ooh, I miss you,
I wanna hold you
♪ Come back, come back...
I saw you picking up the money.
You're just like
the rest of them.
The money is here. All of it.
And I stacked it
with King Simon facing down
so you wouldn't have to see him.
♪ I take good care of you
♪ But you're heartless,
you're heartless
♪ So rest your head
and fear my eyes
♪ For they won't come inside
♪ Cry me a river, spin...
I've been thinking about
what you said
about giving up guys.
Crazy, huh? Could you do it?
Absolutely.
Relationships are difficult.
Especially when you feel
like you're never enough.
I hate that.
Feeling like you're
a disappointment to someone.
What are you thinking about
right now?
My dad.
How much I miss him.
♪ Come back, come back ♪
You said the Prince was
wearing this when he woke up.
How is that possible?
Because he was
black-out drunk, sir.
There's this thing called moderation.
You kids should try it.
And apart from this initial occasion,
there's been no other contact?
No, not as far as I can tell.
Okay, I'll look into it.
I'll let you know
if I find anything.
Mr. Moorefield,
you look a fright!
I'd offer you some tea,
but I don't care to.
I can't do this,
seduce the princesses.
One is completely dim
and plying me with
the most unfortunate selfies,
and the other one, well,
who knows what she's gonna look like
when she emerges from
the mummy's tomb?
You can and you will.
We need hard evidence to prove those
dum-dums are unfit. Every selfie helps.
I understand, but I can't.
I won't.
Hi, my love.
It's me, Maribel.
Do you still want me?
It's supposed to be a secret.
Ssh.
Okay, I'll do it.
It's reprehensible
what you're doing.
Your Majesty, if you're
speaking of your daughters...
I couldn't care less about
those drunken mistakes.
I'm referring to your actionable
behavior toward me.
Your Majesty, I respect your
right to defend the Crown.
But I would hope that you
would also respect the fact
that not everyone
supports your reign.
Let me get this straight.
You come into my house,
you do whatever the hell
it is you're doing to my daughters,
and you ask me to respect you?
Why on earth would I do that?
The previous king did.
Moorefield, you're absolutely right.
I know that many of you here today
loved and supported
my brother, just as I did.
But in this day and age,
it's important that we respect
and encourage all ideologies.
To some, this monument is divisive.
It represents an institution
they don't believe in.
So, as a unifying gesture to all,
both monarchists
and anti-monarchists,
the unveiling of this
monument is hereby canceled.
No!
I know my brother
would support this.
Honoring his desire
to include all points of view
is the true tribute... to his legacy.
- You son of a bitch!
- Oh, here we go.
How could you be
so threatened by a dead man
that you can't allow his name
on a piece of glass?
And how could you be
so threatened by me
that you would conspire
to have me removed
from my throne?
Changing the order of succession
so you can then have me eliminated?
Is that what this is?
I told you
I didn't give a shit
about your reign and I don't!
We both know you won't be
around for long anyway.
What's that supposed to mean?
It means you're a cancerous
dead king walking.
Which also means there's a God.
Get out! Or I'll have you
removed by palace guards!
You listen to me, little man!
The monument is going to happen!
No, it isn't!
And for your information,
the King sort of runs things
around here!
Oh, do you really believe that?
Because you don't. I do.
I put you on the throne.
And I humiliated myself
with the paternity scandal.
And now you're trying to
rehabilitate your image
with this monument.
It's no wonder you had them
make it out of glass,
it's all so transparent!
This monument will stand
for the rest of time.
Or, so help me God,
cancer will be
the least of your worries.
Interesting address.
- Take it away.
- You need it if you want to get well.
- I'm not getting well.
- You're not even trying.
I don't know why you're
wasting your time with me.
I'm not wasting my time.
- Maybe I find you...
- Pathetic.
Attractive.
You realize I have
testicular cancer?
There's probably nothing
working down there anyway.
Eat your turnips.
They're cruciferous.
Looks to me like everything's
working just fine.
This monument
is hereby canceled.
Ladies and gentlemen!
Ladies and gentlemen!
The dedication
has been canceled.
Please disperse
in an orderly fashion.
Now, I heard you were all
throwing a party.
I know what King Cyrus said today.
And while I agree with the
spirit of what he had to say
about respecting everyone's
point of view,
I don't think for a second
his intentions were sincere.
King Simon was a great man.
You know it, I know it,
and the men who've been instructed
to guard this monument know it.
I can't fault them
for doing their job,
but what I'm gonna ask them to do
is to remember the man whose legacy
was etched in that glass.
Remember what he stood for
and what he stood against.
And remember how much
he believed in all of us.
Yes!
If you don't believe in
the monarchy,
if you don't support it,
that's fine.
Some days I don't support it either.
But consider the man.
And ask yourself if he's
worthy of being remembered.
Not just as a king,
or a monarch...
but as someone who believed in
the great in Great Britain.
My father believed in you.
He believed in me.
He gave his life
to make his country
and his family better.
Now, there are some brave men
standing behind me,
but I'm gonna ask them to
stand down and let me pass.
Because in your hearts,
you know the man deserves
this monument.
He deserves
a thousand monuments.
Long live Great Britain!
- Ssh.
- Whoa.
Oh, yes. Not my finest moment
right there.
I like it, actually.
- Great room.
- Thanks.
Um... don't you have
a drug problem?
Yeah, well, you know,
problems are meant
to be solved, so...
boys first, drugs later?
Alright.
Well, thanks for hanging out
with me today.
Even though it was almost all
completely touristy stuff.
Honestly, I've never taken the time
to do any of those things before, ever.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I blame, um, boys and drugs.
If I had known that
I could have had that much fun,
I would have
ditched the guys ages ago.
Give me some of that.
- Here.
- Mm-mm.
- Oh.
- Um...
Oh. Hm. Oh, my God,
I completely misread
that whole situation.
- No, it's okay.
- No, no, it's not.
Mandy, honestly,
it's fine, okay?
It's just...
Um...
I realized this morning when
I was scrolling through my phone that
I really don't have
a lot of friends.
I have my brother
and I have the monarchy.
But I had a really fun day today.
Like, the best day I can
probably remember, ever.
I just don't want to, um...
I feel like you're gonna be
important to me.
Aw!
Important enough
not to make out with me?
Come on.
Let's not get completely
ahead of ourselves.
Okay, can I at least get a hug?
- Yeah, you can have a hug.
- Okay.
I just... I'm...
One minute, okay?
I'll be right back.
♪ We're the wild ones
Um, is everything okay?
Yeah.
Everything's surprisingly great.
For the first time in,
like, a really long time.
♪ We howl to the moon
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Quite a day.
Have you come to beat me up again?
"Illegitimate bastard
attacks cancer patient."
Go ahead and make your jokes.
We both know the truth.
- What truth do we know?
- No matter what you do,
no matter who you think
you've become,
it will never be enough.
I'm the King of England,
you little bitch.
It is enough.
Do you really think
your speech today
makes you at all relevant?
You babbled a few cliches
to a brood of
sentimental failures.
It wasn't about me. It was
about reminding the world
how great our last king was.
And how far we've fallen.
Sucks about the cancer.
But let's face it,
you've never had any balls anyway.
She keeps it over there.
I looked there.
I think she's moved it.
She's crafty, your sister.
Unbelievable. It's my weed.
Stop being such a princess.
Didn't your mother
teach you to share?
No.
I don't know why you're
giving this to me,
I just came out here
to get some fresh air.
Oh, for God's sake,
give me the pot.
Don't look at me like that,
you little brats.
You'll harsh my buzz.
I was proud of you, for how
you handled yourself today.
The people were inspired.
No one from our family's done
that since your father died.
Oh, wow, thank you, Mum.
Please, smoke my weed
and insult me.
Oh, shut up. I was just trying to give
your brother a compliment for once.
Yes, shut up.
Say no to drugs.
You know, I thought I knew
what life would be like
for you both, and Robert.
But I think even I underestimated
just how isolating
it would be for you.
For all of us.
No, I've been high all day.
You think we have it tough,
take a look around.
People struggle all the time.
They do the very best they can
and they fight to live another day.
We all do.
Yeah, but we do it
from a palace.
You both have Simon's tenacity.
And his strength.
He was right, you know.
The only way to survive
any of this is to choose love.
And to help each other.
Are you okay, Mum?
I'm just tired.
Shall we?
It's alright. I got it.
Stay with me.
Stay with me. Stay with me.
Keep it...
I've got you. I've got you.
I've got you.
Someone get me an ambulance now!
My God, you're huge!
Wait! Please?
Are you absolutely sure
it's a boy?
Yes.
- Hello, James.
- Princess.
I apologize
for sneaking away today.
It's sort of an initiation
for my security detail.
- I understand.
- Okay.
Not your finest hour
at the Albert Memorial.
But the Japanese tourists below you
experienced quite the contact high.
Next time you need
a little space,
just ask me, Your Highness.
Mr. Hill, there's a slight
chance you might amuse me.
Night, Princess.
I hope you don't mind, I made
myself more comfortable.
I don't mind at all.
I was just talking with my mum.
You mean the Queen of England?
That very one.
And what, pray tell, did the
Queen of England have to say?
She was telling me to be happy
and to follow my heart.
Sound advice.
So does that mean that
#guyatus is over?
♪ Spoiled, selfish
little child...
No.
♪ Went out to play
out in the wild...
I was happy
when I saw you in my bed.
Trust me, baby, you're about
to get a lot happier.
♪ I found you shaking
like a leaf
♪ Underneath your family tree
♪ You could never live
out in the open
♪ Regretting every word
you've spoken...
You asked for me, Your Majesty.
I did.
I'd like you to deliver this.
To Alistair Lacey.
I've decided
I'd like to see him.
I told my children
to choose love.
It's about time I did as well.
Yes, ma'am.
I expect I can trust you
as I always have, Lucius.
Of course.
Implicitly.
♪ But you don't think
you've done wrong
♪ You've been crying now
for forever
♪ But forever's
come and gone...
♪ My bleeding hands,
your shaking head...
- You look beautiful.
- Oh.
Will you still hang out with
me now you look like that?
Of course.
Besides, like you said,
you've always been the hot one.
Still are.
- Are you okay?
- Stand down, you fool.
He's drunk.
Call the authorities.
Mate, you have to stay here.
I don't have to do shit!
I'm the goddamn King of England.
♪ You keep begging
for forgiveness...
You don't like me, do you?
So be it.
You don't have to.
But guess what?
I don't have to like you either.
Boom.
Mr. Pryce!
Please, one member of your
family is already dead,
let's not make it two.
What concern of that is yours?
The museum, my wife?
Because...
when you re-face history...
not simply exact revenge,
not simply amend injustice,
but when you intend, as we do,
to assure that books
will be rewritten
and a family name
will become synonymous
with the iniquity and wickedness
it represents for the rest of time...
you need allies, Mr. Pryce.
You need men
who understand your loss
because they've known
the same pain you've known.
And you have, because of them.
Because of that family.
It was you, wasn't it?
You killed Simon.
No, I didn't kill
the King of England, Ted.
But we both know... you did.
♪ But forever's come and gone
♪ You keep begging
for forgiveness
♪ But you don't think
you've done wrong
♪ You've been crying now
for forever
♪ But forever's come and gone
♪ My bleeding hands,
your shaking head...
♪ So tell me another
beautiful lie
♪ Tell me everything
I want to hear
What are you doing here?
I asked you a question.
What are you doing here,
Samantha?
♪ And I have seen
all that you have seen...
Just finishing what
we started, baby.
♪ And I have been
where you have been
♪ No, our hands
will never be clean
♪ At least we can
hold each other ♪
Lucius, I'd like you to
deliver this letter for me.
You're the only one I can trust.
I will see to it personally.
It's nothing personal, Captain Lacey.
And did you do as I asked?
The message was delivered.
Let's not say goodbye.
- Let's just say...
- I love you.
- I'm Len.
- Mandy.
Despite our best efforts
to eradicate your cancer,
we need to remove a testicle.
You shouldn't have been on your feet
after surgery like that.
My father had cancer.
He was stubborn, too.
Now drink,
and then get some sleep.
- Do you think they did it?
- Of course they did.
We kill one of theirs,
they kill two of ours.
Open the gate!
The King is down!
Oh, no! No!
Er...
♪ It isn't all bad,
it isn't all good...
Oh, this darn game's been
driving me crazy all night.
You've been here all night?
- Mm-hm.
- Why?
Because you were sick, silly.
Hey! You need to take care of yourself
if you want to get well.
You want to get well, don't you?
I want to have a drink.
Good.
Fresh pomegranate juice.
I'm not having
pomegranate juice.
I'm having bourbon,
and plenty of it.
I also made you some breakfast.
- What is it?
- Turnips and rutabagas.
They're cruciferous, which is kind of
a funny word when you say it.
Cruciferous. Try it.
- Cruciferous.
- Cruciferous!
Okay.
Well, I'm happy
that you're awake.
I'll let you get on
and do your... kingly stuff.
Wait.
Stay.
I may need your assistance.
That is, if you'd like to stay.
I'd, uh, I'd like that.
Long live the King!
Long live the King!
Wait here one moment.
Long live the King!
Long live the King!
Long live the King!
Long live the King!
This monument
will symbolize the good will
we feel here today.
King Simon loved the people.
He served them well,
and he will be remembered
as one of, if not the
greatest ever
to rule this kingdom.
Now there you have it.
As you can see,
this afternoon's dedication
of His Majesty King Simon's
commemorative monument
will be a raucous
and celebratory moment for all.
♪ All that I'm holding
in my hand, baby
♪ Is yours to take
♪ All that I'm holding
in my hand, baby
♪ It's yours to shake
It's yours to shake
♪ It's yours to shake
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
Long live the King!
Long live the King!
Long live the King!
♪ Didi, I just saw
the wildest thing...
James?
Would you please bring me some...
♪ Just walk into the ocean...
Thank you.
♪ Nothing I could do
♪ Gone before I knew...
I'm sorry about Beckwith.
♪ I can't wait to see you...
It's my own fault.
I don't know if you've realized,
but I'm kind of a hot mess.
May I speak freely, Your Highness?
You better.
♪ I'd never been so alone
♪ Till I read...
Most of the time, if you're
aware of the problem
you can fix the problem.
- You say that you're a mess.
- Yeah.
So maybe take some time
to clean up the mess.
You mean the drugs.
If that's your biggest vice.
Yeah, well that or men.
So, pick one of the two
and walk away for a while.
And do what?
Phone a friend?
- What happened?
- Apparently it fell.
Probably threw himself
off the wall.
- You look like shit.
- Yeah, well, I feel worse than I look.
Considering the headlines,
I'm guessing I don't have to
ask how it went with Ophelia.
You're a savvy agent, Jasper.
You learn anything
about that symbol?
No, not yet.
I wanted to see how you'd feel
about me asking for Ted's help.
Ted's a good man.
Do what you have to do.
It's Holden.
He says it's a surprise.
I can't do it, I'm hungover.
Those guys wear me out.
Awkward.
Look, James, a dinosaur.
It looks just like you.
Hey!
Damn, girl, you're
even foxier in the daylight.
Thanks.
This is my latest bodyguard, James.
James, this is the girl who will be
responsible for the mayhem
that you get into trouble
for this afternoon.
Kind of you to warn me in advance.
Right, James, we're off to the bog.
Don't worry, we'll be right back.
- Are you out yet?
- Not yet.
- Hurry up!
- Okay. Wait.
Hurry up.
Go, go, go!
Urgh! Okay.
Oh!
- The tequila!
- Heads.
Urgh!
Whatever you do, don't look up.
- Wow!
- I told you not to look up!
It's the infamous royal beaver!
I knew I should have gone first.
Or possibly worn underpants.
Nice wax.
Lasering. Thanks. Ooh!
Agh! Okay, here we go.
Go! Go!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
I'll give you a piggyback.
- Go, go, go!
- Ahh!
You sure
you don't want to change?
- I'm fine.
- You don't look fine.
Just kick the ball.
Oh! Well done.
Oh, my God, I want to try it.
This whole stadium just for us?
My father bought into
the team years ago.
It was a nice investment.
Okay, if you bitches kick it
anywhere near my face,
I will destroy you
through social media.
Alright, you ready?
- Not in the face!
- Ivan! You didn't even try!
It's Eevon, I've changed it.
And, honey,
you kicked it way over there.
Oh, my God, I hate this game.
Oh, my God, I love this game.
Oh, more flowers
from your boyfriend?
That man, he just cannot
get enough of me.
- Okay, I'm ready.
- For what?
My new face!
I want you to do it.
I want you to be the one
to tell me.
Sure thing.
So, what did you go for anyway?
Well, I asked for
Kate Upton's breasts,
Kate Beckinsale's arse,
and my face was a sort of
Grace Kelly/Marilyn Monroe
combo, but with better lips.
Okay, Picasso.
Here we go.
Wait.
I'm really nervous.
Please say
you'll still be my sister
if I end up looking like
Melanie Griffith.
Of course I will be.
Anyway, I've always been
the hot one.
Okay.
Is it bad?
Pen?
Is it terrible?
Do I look like Cher?
Your Majesty?
I want all the currency
bearing his likeness
to be replaced and destroyed.
As you wish, Your Majesty.
However, it may take
some time to eradicate
all the former currency
from the palace.
Not from the palace,
from England!
Your Majesty, I'm afraid you
have another visit for...
Splendid.
That should be a ball.
Good luck.
You know, I'm supposed to be giving up
one of my vices today. Dudes or drugs.
- Definitely dudes.
- Yeah.
So, a hiatus from guys, huh?
Yeah.
#guyatus.
♪ And I take good care of you
♪ But you're heartless,
you're heartless
♪ You turn it into your own...
Even though
the cancer has metastasized,
we can be more aggressive
with our approach.
Radiation and chemotherapy.
There are experimental drugs
we can explore.
Don't give up hope.
We can beat this thing.
♪ But I'll take care of your mind
♪ I lost you, I miss you,
I wanna hold you
♪ So don't you deny it
♪ I lost you, I miss you,
I wanna hold you
♪ Come back
♪ Ooh, I miss you,
I wanna hold you
♪ Come back, come back...
I saw you picking up the money.
You're just like
the rest of them.
The money is here. All of it.
And I stacked it
with King Simon facing down
so you wouldn't have to see him.
♪ I take good care of you
♪ But you're heartless,
you're heartless
♪ So rest your head
and fear my eyes
♪ For they won't come inside
♪ Cry me a river, spin...
I've been thinking about
what you said
about giving up guys.
Crazy, huh? Could you do it?
Absolutely.
Relationships are difficult.
Especially when you feel
like you're never enough.
I hate that.
Feeling like you're
a disappointment to someone.
What are you thinking about
right now?
My dad.
How much I miss him.
♪ Come back, come back ♪
You said the Prince was
wearing this when he woke up.
How is that possible?
Because he was
black-out drunk, sir.
There's this thing called moderation.
You kids should try it.
And apart from this initial occasion,
there's been no other contact?
No, not as far as I can tell.
Okay, I'll look into it.
I'll let you know
if I find anything.
Mr. Moorefield,
you look a fright!
I'd offer you some tea,
but I don't care to.
I can't do this,
seduce the princesses.
One is completely dim
and plying me with
the most unfortunate selfies,
and the other one, well,
who knows what she's gonna look like
when she emerges from
the mummy's tomb?
You can and you will.
We need hard evidence to prove those
dum-dums are unfit. Every selfie helps.
I understand, but I can't.
I won't.
Hi, my love.
It's me, Maribel.
Do you still want me?
It's supposed to be a secret.
Ssh.
Okay, I'll do it.
It's reprehensible
what you're doing.
Your Majesty, if you're
speaking of your daughters...
I couldn't care less about
those drunken mistakes.
I'm referring to your actionable
behavior toward me.
Your Majesty, I respect your
right to defend the Crown.
But I would hope that you
would also respect the fact
that not everyone
supports your reign.
Let me get this straight.
You come into my house,
you do whatever the hell
it is you're doing to my daughters,
and you ask me to respect you?
Why on earth would I do that?
The previous king did.
Moorefield, you're absolutely right.
I know that many of you here today
loved and supported
my brother, just as I did.
But in this day and age,
it's important that we respect
and encourage all ideologies.
To some, this monument is divisive.
It represents an institution
they don't believe in.
So, as a unifying gesture to all,
both monarchists
and anti-monarchists,
the unveiling of this
monument is hereby canceled.
No!
I know my brother
would support this.
Honoring his desire
to include all points of view
is the true tribute... to his legacy.
- You son of a bitch!
- Oh, here we go.
How could you be
so threatened by a dead man
that you can't allow his name
on a piece of glass?
And how could you be
so threatened by me
that you would conspire
to have me removed
from my throne?
Changing the order of succession
so you can then have me eliminated?
Is that what this is?
I told you
I didn't give a shit
about your reign and I don't!
We both know you won't be
around for long anyway.
What's that supposed to mean?
It means you're a cancerous
dead king walking.
Which also means there's a God.
Get out! Or I'll have you
removed by palace guards!
You listen to me, little man!
The monument is going to happen!
No, it isn't!
And for your information,
the King sort of runs things
around here!
Oh, do you really believe that?
Because you don't. I do.
I put you on the throne.
And I humiliated myself
with the paternity scandal.
And now you're trying to
rehabilitate your image
with this monument.
It's no wonder you had them
make it out of glass,
it's all so transparent!
This monument will stand
for the rest of time.
Or, so help me God,
cancer will be
the least of your worries.
Interesting address.
- Take it away.
- You need it if you want to get well.
- I'm not getting well.
- You're not even trying.
I don't know why you're
wasting your time with me.
I'm not wasting my time.
- Maybe I find you...
- Pathetic.
Attractive.
You realize I have
testicular cancer?
There's probably nothing
working down there anyway.
Eat your turnips.
They're cruciferous.
Looks to me like everything's
working just fine.
This monument
is hereby canceled.
Ladies and gentlemen!
Ladies and gentlemen!
The dedication
has been canceled.
Please disperse
in an orderly fashion.
Now, I heard you were all
throwing a party.
I know what King Cyrus said today.
And while I agree with the
spirit of what he had to say
about respecting everyone's
point of view,
I don't think for a second
his intentions were sincere.
King Simon was a great man.
You know it, I know it,
and the men who've been instructed
to guard this monument know it.
I can't fault them
for doing their job,
but what I'm gonna ask them to do
is to remember the man whose legacy
was etched in that glass.
Remember what he stood for
and what he stood against.
And remember how much
he believed in all of us.
Yes!
If you don't believe in
the monarchy,
if you don't support it,
that's fine.
Some days I don't support it either.
But consider the man.
And ask yourself if he's
worthy of being remembered.
Not just as a king,
or a monarch...
but as someone who believed in
the great in Great Britain.
My father believed in you.
He believed in me.
He gave his life
to make his country
and his family better.
Now, there are some brave men
standing behind me,
but I'm gonna ask them to
stand down and let me pass.
Because in your hearts,
you know the man deserves
this monument.
He deserves
a thousand monuments.
Long live Great Britain!
- Ssh.
- Whoa.
Oh, yes. Not my finest moment
right there.
I like it, actually.
- Great room.
- Thanks.
Um... don't you have
a drug problem?
Yeah, well, you know,
problems are meant
to be solved, so...
boys first, drugs later?
Alright.
Well, thanks for hanging out
with me today.
Even though it was almost all
completely touristy stuff.
Honestly, I've never taken the time
to do any of those things before, ever.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I blame, um, boys and drugs.
If I had known that
I could have had that much fun,
I would have
ditched the guys ages ago.
Give me some of that.
- Here.
- Mm-mm.
- Oh.
- Um...
Oh. Hm. Oh, my God,
I completely misread
that whole situation.
- No, it's okay.
- No, no, it's not.
Mandy, honestly,
it's fine, okay?
It's just...
Um...
I realized this morning when
I was scrolling through my phone that
I really don't have
a lot of friends.
I have my brother
and I have the monarchy.
But I had a really fun day today.
Like, the best day I can
probably remember, ever.
I just don't want to, um...
I feel like you're gonna be
important to me.
Aw!
Important enough
not to make out with me?
Come on.
Let's not get completely
ahead of ourselves.
Okay, can I at least get a hug?
- Yeah, you can have a hug.
- Okay.
I just... I'm...
One minute, okay?
I'll be right back.
♪ We're the wild ones
Um, is everything okay?
Yeah.
Everything's surprisingly great.
For the first time in,
like, a really long time.
♪ We howl to the moon
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Quite a day.
Have you come to beat me up again?
"Illegitimate bastard
attacks cancer patient."
Go ahead and make your jokes.
We both know the truth.
- What truth do we know?
- No matter what you do,
no matter who you think
you've become,
it will never be enough.
I'm the King of England,
you little bitch.
It is enough.
Do you really think
your speech today
makes you at all relevant?
You babbled a few cliches
to a brood of
sentimental failures.
It wasn't about me. It was
about reminding the world
how great our last king was.
And how far we've fallen.
Sucks about the cancer.
But let's face it,
you've never had any balls anyway.
She keeps it over there.
I looked there.
I think she's moved it.
She's crafty, your sister.
Unbelievable. It's my weed.
Stop being such a princess.
Didn't your mother
teach you to share?
No.
I don't know why you're
giving this to me,
I just came out here
to get some fresh air.
Oh, for God's sake,
give me the pot.
Don't look at me like that,
you little brats.
You'll harsh my buzz.
I was proud of you, for how
you handled yourself today.
The people were inspired.
No one from our family's done
that since your father died.
Oh, wow, thank you, Mum.
Please, smoke my weed
and insult me.
Oh, shut up. I was just trying to give
your brother a compliment for once.
Yes, shut up.
Say no to drugs.
You know, I thought I knew
what life would be like
for you both, and Robert.
But I think even I underestimated
just how isolating
it would be for you.
For all of us.
No, I've been high all day.
You think we have it tough,
take a look around.
People struggle all the time.
They do the very best they can
and they fight to live another day.
We all do.
Yeah, but we do it
from a palace.
You both have Simon's tenacity.
And his strength.
He was right, you know.
The only way to survive
any of this is to choose love.
And to help each other.
Are you okay, Mum?
I'm just tired.
Shall we?
It's alright. I got it.
Stay with me.
Stay with me. Stay with me.
Keep it...
I've got you. I've got you.
I've got you.
Someone get me an ambulance now!
My God, you're huge!
Wait! Please?
Are you absolutely sure
it's a boy?
Yes.
- Hello, James.
- Princess.
I apologize
for sneaking away today.
It's sort of an initiation
for my security detail.
- I understand.
- Okay.
Not your finest hour
at the Albert Memorial.
But the Japanese tourists below you
experienced quite the contact high.
Next time you need
a little space,
just ask me, Your Highness.
Mr. Hill, there's a slight
chance you might amuse me.
Night, Princess.
I hope you don't mind, I made
myself more comfortable.
I don't mind at all.
I was just talking with my mum.
You mean the Queen of England?
That very one.
And what, pray tell, did the
Queen of England have to say?
She was telling me to be happy
and to follow my heart.
Sound advice.
So does that mean that
#guyatus is over?
♪ Spoiled, selfish
little child...
No.
♪ Went out to play
out in the wild...
I was happy
when I saw you in my bed.
Trust me, baby, you're about
to get a lot happier.
♪ I found you shaking
like a leaf
♪ Underneath your family tree
♪ You could never live
out in the open
♪ Regretting every word
you've spoken...
You asked for me, Your Majesty.
I did.
I'd like you to deliver this.
To Alistair Lacey.
I've decided
I'd like to see him.
I told my children
to choose love.
It's about time I did as well.
Yes, ma'am.
I expect I can trust you
as I always have, Lucius.
Of course.
Implicitly.
♪ But you don't think
you've done wrong
♪ You've been crying now
for forever
♪ But forever's
come and gone...
♪ My bleeding hands,
your shaking head...
- You look beautiful.
- Oh.
Will you still hang out with
me now you look like that?
Of course.
Besides, like you said,
you've always been the hot one.
Still are.
- Are you okay?
- Stand down, you fool.
He's drunk.
Call the authorities.
Mate, you have to stay here.
I don't have to do shit!
I'm the goddamn King of England.
♪ You keep begging
for forgiveness...
You don't like me, do you?
So be it.
You don't have to.
But guess what?
I don't have to like you either.
Boom.
Mr. Pryce!
Please, one member of your
family is already dead,
let's not make it two.
What concern of that is yours?
The museum, my wife?
Because...
when you re-face history...
not simply exact revenge,
not simply amend injustice,
but when you intend, as we do,
to assure that books
will be rewritten
and a family name
will become synonymous
with the iniquity and wickedness
it represents for the rest of time...
you need allies, Mr. Pryce.
You need men
who understand your loss
because they've known
the same pain you've known.
And you have, because of them.
Because of that family.
It was you, wasn't it?
You killed Simon.
No, I didn't kill
the King of England, Ted.
But we both know... you did.
♪ But forever's come and gone
♪ You keep begging
for forgiveness
♪ But you don't think
you've done wrong
♪ You've been crying now
for forever
♪ But forever's come and gone
♪ My bleeding hands,
your shaking head...
♪ So tell me another
beautiful lie
♪ Tell me everything
I want to hear
What are you doing here?
I asked you a question.
What are you doing here,
Samantha?
♪ And I have seen
all that you have seen...
Just finishing what
we started, baby.
♪ And I have been
where you have been
♪ No, our hands
will never be clean
♪ At least we can
hold each other ♪