The Royals (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 3 - Is Not This Something More Than Fantasy? - full transcript

Previously on The Royals...

Your doctor called.

He needs to see you at once.
It's urgent.

I have cancer of the balls.

- Testicular cancer?
- No, lung cancer in my balls.

Yes, testicular cancer.

This was around my neck
the night before the King was killed.

- What does it mean?
- We figure this out.

We figure out
who's been killing my family

and then we make them pay.

Hey.



Beck, what are you doing here?

I left her.

It's always been you.

I like it when you say my name.

Say it again.

Eleanor.

Your first order of business
is to pass our bill.

Understood.

- Is he?
- Yes. Dead.

Wait till Moorefield hears about this.

He's been whoring himself out to
a couple of half-wits.

Get me a meeting with
the Deputy Prime Minister.

I don't have time
for tea with the Queen.

Tell her I'll think about it
and let her know.



I don't believe in someday.

Lucky for you I do.

I hope the fairy
tale works out for you.

- I really do.
- Nick...

He saw you coming.
The man in the striped jacket.

He called you... tenacious.

You've been retracing Dad's
steps ever since the day he died.

Retrace yours.

Find that thing that...
that made you happy.

I need to do some things alone,

and I need you to trust me.

♪ The city screams

♪ And my echoes dream

Hi.

♪ I long for hope

♪ It's all I see

♪ She's fallen over...

Sorry, I...
I tried calling you.

But you
changed your number, so...

Yeah.

You look good.

- Liam, I do not look good.
- Yes, you do.

Thanks.

♪ So I hold it still

♪ She's climbing out now

♪ So I hold it still

♪ Now she rests her head

Morning.

♪ Time is just her bed

So much for slowing down.

- Eleanor.
- What?

Last night... you said you
liked it when I said your name.

- I did?
- Mm-hm.

- I do.
- Mm.

I do. I...

I just don't
quite remember saying it.

- Okay.
- Hey!

Nope. You packed the bowl,
now go pack a bag.

We're going away
for the weekend.

Where are we going?

It's a surprise.

Will it top the club opening in
Chelsea tonight, though?

So much better than Chelsea.

Just pack some things.

I'll speak with James,
and see if he'll stand down.

- James?
- Your security detail.

Right. Yes, of course, James.

He amuses me. James.

You amuse me.

Off we go.

I love a surprise.

I hate surprises. Quit being so
dramatic and spit it out.

Despite our best efforts
to eradicate your cancer,

it seems we're losing the war.

You say "we" as if
somehow you're involved.

We need to remove a testicle.

Let me get this straight.
We're losing the war,

but I'm losing a nut.
Which one?

- I'm sorry?
- Which one am I losing?

- Um... Your right one.
- The big one.

Your Majesty, try and focus
on the positives.

Tell you what,
I'll hack off one of your balls

and let's see
how positive you are.

What I mean to say is
that by removing the testicle

we feel strongly that we can
eradicate the cancer from your body.

So I'll beat cancer
but be a freak.

Cosmetically, there are testicular
implants available. Prosthetics.

I'll arrange for you
to see some samples.

There's no other way?

I'm afraid not.

If I do this, I'll be okay?

We have every reason
to believe you will be.

Medically,
we can only do so much.

But positive thinking, diet, exercise,

your support group,
these things matter.

You're the King of England,

you can engender
the goodwill of a nation.

Channel the power
of the people who love you.

So, basically, I'm screwed.

- Your Majesty?
- God's sake, it's about time.

Why is she so late?

The Deputy Prime Minister
won't be coming today.

She'd better be dead,
like the last one.

It seems she canceled.

She sent word that she's simply
too busy to meet with you.

Who do you think you are?

Wow!

It seems
the press gang's all here.

- Mr. Crenshaw.
- Your Majesty.

And you must be
our Deputy Prime Minister.

My apologies, they didn't tell
me you were disabled.

Your Majesty, I seem
to have forgotten my manners.

Yes, and for
the second time today.

Gentlemen, I look forward
to seeing you all soon.

And let's be honest,
not near as much

as you look forward
to seeing me.

Walk away.

Yes, you can all just...
go out.

Please, sit.

Perhaps a refresher course
in etiquette.

I'm the Queen of England.
I speak first, I sit first,

and I certainly
don't wait for you.

You wait for me
and you don't cancel.

Of course. My apologies.

I think I'll sit.

Might I say what an honor
and a privilege it is

to meet Your Majesty.

I've admired you
since I was young.

But not too young.

You were recently working closely
with the Prime Minister, yes?

On a bill to alter
the order of succession?

The Prime Minister
was in full agreement

that it was the right
and prudent thing to do.

Cyrus's children are not fit
to rule the country.

Of course they're not,
but then... none of you are.

The people elect their leaders.

The leaders protect
their people.

The monarchy is simply
a national exhibit.

Like going to the zoo or visiting
an antiquated part of our history.

You intrigue me, um...

Rani. It means queen.

Of course it does.

First you cancel
your audience with the actual Queen,

not just someone
with a pretend name,

and then you call me antiquated.

Both occasions simply reflect
the modernity of England.

A Prime Minister's work
is never done.

You don't seem to understand
you're not yet Prime Minister

and never will be
if I decide against it.

It's tragic that you
actually believe that.

And even more tragic that
everyone lets you believe it.

No one lets me do anything,
and certainly not you.

- Do I offend Your Majesty?
- Yes, you do.

Mostly with your stupidity,
and partly with your arrogance.

But what's most offensive are
your knock-off Jimmy Choos.

This is not Soho House Chicago.

Pull yourself together.

Your bill is dead, Queenie.

And so is the only hope
you had with the people.

And so is the last person
that sat in that chair.

Don't get too comfortable.
These are shark-infested waters,

and those fake tits won't keep
you afloat for long.

- How's your coffee?
- I got tea.

- Yours?
- I got coffee.

It's good.

- I want to apologize.
- You don't have to.

I think I do.

When I found out
about your audition,

I felt like
I was putting you first.

I was trying to be honorable.

I was trying to shield you from
the dangers and madness of my world.

But I should have asked you
instead of telling you.

It was your choice to make,
not mine.

Thank you for saying that.

I've missed you.

That's not fair.

Ophelia!

I'm sorry.

♪ I'm not scared
of this desire

♪ Not scared, not scared

♪ I'll be the fool
caught in your fire

♪ I'll be the fool

♪ I've been waiting
for blue moon to cover me

♪ Something inside...

What do you think?

Tell me there's a music festival
or something nearby.

Actually, the opposite.

I thought you could use
a little quiet time.

Why, have you met me?

Never understood why people
like going to the country.

There's nothing to do.

I have an amazing bed.

I like the country.

- Come on.
- Ooh!

♪ There's no use fighting...

So this is what it comes to.

You wait your entire life
to be King...

and then
they cut off your balls.

It's just one ball, sir.
Sac half full, if you will.

Sir, if I may, perhaps the
doctor was onto something.

I mean, the power
of positive thinking.

The support of the people.

As you said, you've waited
a lifetime to be king.

It would be a shame
to cut that lifetime short.

Maybe you're right.

Perhaps a charity.

Or one of those bum buffets.

I think the term is
"soup kitchen", Your Majesty.

Soup kitchen!

Lucius, have the press
meet us at a soup kitchen.

Let's see if we can't
generate a little goodwill.

Hm.

Len.

Put your phone away,
you're missing it.

What?

Beck, I've seen the country.

A girl needs to eat.

You know that bed
you were bragging about?

- Yeah.
- Picnic blanket is the new bed.

Oh!

Come on.

I asked you all here today
because I've had an epiphany.

Our country has always helped
those less fortunate.

It troubles me to see
so many with so little.

And so I pledge
to you all here today,

the monarchy will match

whatever funds
Parliament will pledge,

in perpetuity,

in order to make us a happier,

healthier, truly United Kingdom.

♪ You were someone else
when I was, too...

You know the King owns
all mute swans in England.

They're lucky to be mute.

They don't have to worry about
what to say.

I know you're upset with me.

How could I not be?

You know I care about dancing

and you didn't think
I could do it on my own.

That's absolutely not true.
I've always believed in you.

At first I thought the
other dancers in the company

were just avoiding me
because I was the new girl.

Then I thought maybe it had
something to do with us.

So, I tried befriending them and
that's when I learned the truth.

That apparently my place
in the company

was the result of a favor
called in by the palace.

Ophelia, I promise you
I knew nothing about this.

It doesn't matter.
I couldn't stay there.

- I didn't earn it.
- You did earn it.

You'd have earned it every day.

It was just like Monaco.

Something that was real and truthful,
something that mattered,

was twisted into something ugly
because of your world.

I told you, Liam,
I wanted you, not your world.

But they're both the same thing.

- They don't have to be.
- Yes, they do.

Your world is their world,
no matter what.

I wish it wasn't, but it is.

And it always will be.

I wanted everything you wanted.

With you and for you.

I didn't know
about the rest of it.

I can tell you didn't know.

And I appreciate you coming
all this way to tell me.

But like you said on the plane,
you have to go back.

This time I need you to go.

♪ We both know that this is the
life that we chose

♪ We both know
that the hourglass

♪ Inside my bones

♪ Will wither down
and run out of time

♪ We'll try to mend it...

Don't give up.

On any of it.

♪ We both know this is
the life that we chose

♪ We both know this is
the life that we chose ♪

Good news, sir.

Positive press
from today's hobo hugging?

Not yet, sir,
but the samples are here.

Samples?

Your prosthetic testicle, sir.

Come.

What on earth is going on?

The footmen think you're considering
getting a royal pooch, Your Majesty.

And dogs
don't talk to the media.

Shrewd, Lucius.

Good God,
look at the sac on that one.

I'd bruise my thighs
playing squash.

It'll look very impressive when
not playing squash, sir.

Point taken.
To hell with squash.

The bulldog then, sir?

A marvelous choice. Away!

Good God!
Are you eating dog now?

Only the fluffy ones.

You look distressed.

I won't be when you agree not to approve
the Deputy Prime Minister.

Then I suppose
you will be distressed.

Have you seen her approval rating?
The people love her.

Since when do you care
about the people?

I love the people.

Cyrus, you told a kid with
Down's Syndrome to try harder.

You find the people reprehensible
and they feel the same about you.

You should worry more
about betraying anyone

who can actually tolerate you,
of which there are very few left.

♪ I'll meet you at the divide

♪ To break the spell

♪ A point
where two worlds collide...

Excuse me.

Will you turn around?

♪ And we run and we run
and we run...

I like the country.

Who knew?

♪ Until we break through...

You don't happen to have
some secret underground

liquor cabinet anywhere nearby,
by any chance?

I'm afraid not.

Just when I was thinking
you'd thought of everything.

Well, I did think of it,
then decided against it.

- Why?
- Well, let's see.

I woke up to you smoking a bong,

your bedroom
looks like a chemist's

and you can't recall half of our
conversation from last night.

Right, so this whole
weekend getaway,

it's actually more like
an intervention.

It's not an intervention.

You just need
to simmer down a bit.

Right.

I'm trying to make things
better for you.

If you didn't want me to drink
all you had to do was say it.

You didn't have to trick me.

We could have gone to the club.
I wouldn't have gone so deep.

Eleanor, you know
you would have.

This whole day,
it feels like a lie now.

It's not a lie.

I brought you here because I wanted you
to get some peace and quiet.

A little silence.

I wanted to be alone with you.

Eleanor, don't be angry.

- I'm not.
- Then where are you going?

Outdoor sex is overrated.

Let's go try out
that bed of yours.

Come on!

♪ If I get high

♪ If I get high...

- Liam!
- I'm not giving up.

I know I told you not to give up
on your dancing, on us, on any of it.

But I should have said,
I'm not giving up.

We can rebuild this, Ophelia.

- I can't.
- You can. We can.

We were so good together
and we could have been great,

and I know I messed that up.

But we can fix it.
We can make our someday.

Liam, I can't.

Babe, who is it?

Liam.

Nick, hey. Uh... hi.

Hey. What are you doing here?

I was just um... headed home.

Wanted to wish you both my best.

Thanks.
You sure you can't stay?

Yeah, yeah, unfortunately,
I'm sure.

It was good seeing you.

It always is.

Liam!

No, you were right,
this wasn't fair to you.

He's a great guy
and you're a great girl.

You take care of yourself.
Take care of each other.

I didn't know how to tell you.

Ophelia, it's okay.

I'll see you someday.

I'm not kissing her ring.
She should be kissing my ass.

Some low-rent Deputy PM
with a stick up her bum!

She's lucky she's got the stick.

Less room for my foot up there.

With complete respect,
I'm merely suggesting

there is a time for the whip
and a time for the feather.

Considering the time and effort
Her Majesty has so skillfully invested,

perhaps feather
is the wiser play.

Fine, I'll try the feather.

If that doesn't work,
I'm burning Parliament

to the ground,
like that distillery.

Now that was enjoyable,
for me and the cows.

Speaking of cows,
find out her shoe size.

Of course, Your Majesty.

Perhaps we got off
on the wrong foot.

The right foot
should be wearing these.

They're stunning.

But I'm afraid
I can't accept them.

Nonsense!
Consider them a gift.

But, you see,
if I accept a gift,

it could be perceived
as a bribe,

and that would be inappropriate.

It's a pair of shoes,
not Northern Ireland.

I'm sorry.

You're serious.

Well, I tried.

You do understand
we're the same, you and I?

We employ the same tactics.

The icy glare so you never have
to raise your voice,

a little cleavage,
the occasional bat of the eyes,

all to hide the fact that you're
the smartest person in the room,

and you're about to get
exactly what you want.

The difference is, I'm in a more
relevant position of power.

Not yet.

I will be.

When the King confirms me,
I will quietly but effectively

convince the people that the
monarchy's time has passed.

Ooh.

If that's true,
why are we such a threat?

You're not.
You're a nuisance.

And when the monarchy goes away,
when you go away...

I'll still be here.

And all the shoes,
all the fake smiles,

and all the Queen's men
can't change that.

Monarchy's on its last legs.

My legs are better.

Ask ten people on the street
who the Deputy Prime Minister is.

Ask them to name
the last five PMs

or any member of Parliament.

Then ask them who the Queen is.

My name's forever.

Yours will be forgotten.

Quite possibly never known
in the first place.

Any news of the King, Lucius?

Nothing that can't wait
till after your surgery, sir.

Let me see it.

"The out of touch monarch tried
to sound sincere

but failed miserably,
extolling the benefits of charity

while wearing a pair of
£10,000 bespoke Oxfords.

Meanwhile,
the People's Prince was seen

nobly flying in coach class."

Blah, blah, blah!

The People's Prince!

I should have thought
about the shoes.

I over-extended myself.
It's my own fault.

I will have our people

generate some positive
spin at once, Your Majesty.

It won't matter. Boy Wonder
flies coach and is God's gift.

I'm giving money to charity
and having my balls cut off

and nobody
gives a shit about me.

- It's just one ball, sir.
- I know it's just one ball!

♪ We're all scared of trenches

♪ And grow weak at the knees

♪ I want you to know that

♪ If all you've ever wanted

♪ Was a dream...

Would you mind
pulling over here?

I think I'll just walk a bit.

No security please.
I'll be fine.

♪ But did I show you love?

♪ In the author on my face

♪ Cos you know
you left a hollow

♪ Where your body cut
an alcove

♪ Did I show you love?

♪ Cos the silence
never stayed

♪ It's a breach
I'll never cover

♪ It's a breach
I'll never cover

Hello, Princey.

- Who are you?
- Your worst nightmare.

- What do you want?
- What do we want?

We want to have sex with you.

- What?
- Oh, yes.

We wanna have
all the sex with you

and you're gonna
love it so much.

Holden?

Assholes! You freaked me out.
Don't do that!

Yeah, but didn't you love the
idea of being our sex slave.

- You are a piece of work.
- It was my brother's idea.

We had to kidnap you
to take you out tonight.

Guys, I'm not going out,
I'm going home.

Dude, you're already out.

The only one not out here
is Ashok. Right, darling?

A little pop-up
I threw in your honor.

I call it Rebound.

- Shall we?
- One drink.

Of course.

Hey! D-Throned.
Leave her alone.

- You just broke my phone.
- Yeah? I just broke a nail,

and they cost more
than your shit phone.

Slag.

- Thanks.
- All good.

I actually don't even know
what slag means.

I'll see ya.

- She has a boyfriend.
- Ooh.

I know the guy.

Seems like what she wants.

- What do you want?
- I want her to be happy.

I want this beer, and about
six more just like them.

Oh, my God!

I'm drunk.

Polo match. You were stalking
the stripy suit guy.

Right.

Wilhelmina.

Oh, my shoes are killing me.

Oh... You guys
wanna drink shots?

Um... maybe later.

Disappointing.

Okay, we love her.

Oh, no. It's my dad.

- I got it.
- You sure?

I love your father.

Oh, my God. Dad's here.

Why couldn't he have died like
all the good rock stars?

- What are you drinking?
- Shots.

Of?

I read once that if
you're gonna take a shot,

it should be something
you feel, like, tequila or whiskey.

Nothing with juice
or some funny name.

I absolutely agree.
Who wrote that?

I don't know.
Hemingway or J.K. Rowling.

Someone like that.

So, what's your poison?

Drugs, booze, boys?

- Yes!
- Okay.

I hear that.

Except the first two got me in
trouble with the third,

so I kind of sexed him
into a coma and snuck out.

Well played. So, no boys.

How about booze? You game?

I'm so game.

- I'm Len.
- I know.

I mean, I'd like to pretend
I'm all cool and I don't,

but the truth is,
your fashion sense is amazing.

We all think
you're a badass rock star.

- Who's we?
- Models.

I'm a model. Mandy.

To feeling this in the morning.

Beats feeling nothing at all.

Ahh! I'm telling you, they should
all be ashamed of themselves.

Every so-called
rock band out there.

I was backstage at a Linkin Park show
and they were all on their laptops.

Answering e-mails
and doing charity.

I said, "Oi. You're
supposed to be a rock band.

Smash something, you pussies!"

Oh. Alright. Here we go.

This bird's been looking
this way all night.

I hope she's looking at me,
but worried she's looking at you.

And if she's looking at Ivan the whole
lot of us are gonna be disappointed.

No, no, no, no.

I do love my sons.
Always will.

But I never would
have guessed it.

One loves excess
and the other loves men.

I blame their moms.

Oh! Here she comes.

- Hi.
- Son of a bitch!

Hi.

I'm not much
for small talk so...

I was wondering if you
wanted to leave with me?

I'm sorry. I can't.

Okay. I guess I tried.

Hey.

I said I couldn't leave with you,
because I can't.

Put your address in my phone
and I'll see you there.

Uh-uh. I would, but I have
to shoot in a few hours.

And I really need
to get some sleep.

And that's one of the things you said
you got into trouble with your man for.

So, I'm just saying.

This from the girl who just poured an
entire bottle of whiskey down my throat?

Okay, well, I never said
that I wasn't a hypocrite.

But I really do gotta go home, so,
thank you for the amazing night.

Thank you.

Um... now I know you probably have
some kind of royal background check

that I will fail miserably,
but I had the best time tonight,

so, if you want,
I can give you my number

and we can go out again.

Or give you my two cents about
your boyfriend situation,

or just listen or whatever.

Yeah. That would be great.
Let's do that.

Alright. I'm gonna go.
Are you sure you're okay?

Bitch, I'm fine.

Walk away, so I can look
at your seriously great ass.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Wait!

Firstly,
I was right about your ass.

Secondly...
what is your two cents?

You sure you wanna hear it?

Yeah.

Well, you're sneaking out
during the brand-new,

blissed out, non-stop sex phase.

Have you ever had a relationship
that got better than that?

But what do I know?
I'm sure he's amazing.

- Yeah.
- Timing is everything, right?

Yeah.

- Good luck.
- Thanks.

If you're looking for
Princess Eleanor's stash,

- it's to the left.
- You know about this?

You think I come to work sober?

It's been a long week.

A feather didn't work
with the Deputy PM.

If I'm gonna pass my bill,
I need to find another way.

I can ask around.

Those PMs are rather kinky.

A little blackmail
goes a long way.

Hm. Well, I guess
it's time for the whip.

Literally.

How are you feeling,
Your Majesty?

I'm feeling fine.

Stop here. I'll walk
the rest of the way.

Sir, the doctor said no.

I can't be seen in a wheelchair.

Someone will notify the press.

I'll walk.

How was it?

It was fun.
I'm sorry if I worried you.

I was already worried.

That's why I brought you here.

I know who you are
and all that comes with it.

I was just hoping I could add
a little quiet to your noise.

Quiet is difficult
for me right now, Beck.

The noise is... how I breathe.

It's what gets me
through the day.

But you know
that's temporary, right?

It won't always be that way.

What if it is?

What if this is who...
who I am?

You know, you're always telling
me who I can be.

What if this is me,
this version?

You know, loud, messy,
shit-show princess.

It's not.

Don't blame me
for seeing a better you.

For believing in
the best version of you.

Of course I don't.

I love you for it.

But it just reminds me
of how broken I am.

It makes me feel like
I'm constantly disappointing you.

Not to mention that
my father felt the same way.

You left your wife for me.

I left my wife...
and the noise of her world.

And then... I chose you.

You have a type.

No.

There's no type
when it comes to you.

You're in a place
all of your own.

I know you mean that
as a compliment.

But it feels like I am.

Alone.

And I know it's my fault,
because you show up

and you're incredible to me, but...

I can't be quiet right now, Beck.

I need to be.

♪ She don't even want
to speak to you

Our timing always sucks.

♪ But you

♪ You'll always
find another place

♪ To go

♪ Oh, you

♪ You'll always find another womb

♪ To grow

♪ To grow...

Your Majesty?

Let me help you.

♪ To grow

- I can do it.
- Of course you can.

But don't be so stubborn.
Everybody needs a little help sometimes.

♪ Well, you can try
to sink down deeply...

Let's not say goodbye.

- Let's just say...
- I love you.

♪ Find the children
who discreetly...

They always do.

♪ To stop them holding you
and screaming

♪ That you'll lose
your wildest dreaming

Come on, guys.
I'm just a girl.

I get my heart broken, too.

Could you just stop this,
this once?

Come on, guys.

Please! Just...

♪ You'll always find
another place

♪ To go

♪ Oh, you

Liam!

♪ You'll always find
another womb

♪ To grow

♪ To grow

You need to drink lots
of fluids and stay put.

You shouldn't have been on your feet
after surgery like that.

I didn't have surgery.

My father had cancer.
He was stubborn too.

I would prefer it
if you didn't speak of this.

Of course I won't.

We're not allowed to tell anything
that happens in the palace.

Now drink.
And then get some sleep.

You seem sad. Is it
the pain or something else?

They don't like me.

- Who?
- People.

They don't like me
and they never will.

Well, I like you.

- What's your name?
- Violet.

Thank you, Violet.

You seem nice.

Not like the rest of them.

You seem nice too.
You're funny.

And, anyway, what do you care
if they like you or not?

You're the King of England.

They still have to do
what you say.

♪ Drifting away with time

♪ You'll regret you conceived it ♪