The Ren & Stimpy Show (1991–1996): Season 5, Episode 10 - A Scooter for Yaksmas - full transcript
Stimpy believes in Yaksmas, yet Ren who thinks Yaksmas is stupid, doesn't believe in the festive holiday.
Hmm...
hmph !
Unacceptable !
( whistling )
Joy !
Here's your month's pay.
Wow !
And a half-stick
yaksmas bonus !
Bless you, sir.
Happy yaksmas, and may all
your cobs be lumpy ones.
Hooray !
It's yaksmas eve !
The soot is falling
and the air is filled
with the scent of roasted
rubber band vendors.
It's my favorite
time of the year !
Hi, kids !
Man, that's a really swell
sootman you've got there.
Hey, look, it's that
fat, stupid guy again.
Aww, look at the
cute little tykes.
Eh heh heh heh...
kids...
you gotta love 'em.
Oh !
There it is...
the johnny future's
jet scooter.
How you been doing ?
Did you miss me ?
That's okay, girl,
come tomorrow,
we'll be together forever.
M'wah !
( gasps )
Uh-Oh !
I gotta get home and get
everything ready.
That oughta do it.
There's no way
he'll miss this.
( flush, zip )
There, I feel
10 pounds lighter.
Hey, stupid, hurry up
with my supper !
I'm starving.
Let me just scooter
that in a little closer.
( sniffs )
Mmm, chopped liver,
my favorite !
Yes, sir, nothing like a big
steaming heap of chopped--
( crickets chirping )
( banging )
( stapling )
( drilling,
hammering )
What the--
hey, what's with
all the banging ?
There we go,
long johns in place.
May I ask why you're nailing
support hose to the wall ?
Why, Ren,
don't you know ?
It's yaksmas eve--
the shabbiest day
of the year !
And the long johns are
for stinky wizzleteats
to put sausages in.
And see the beautiful
decorations
to celebrate the cob-tide ?
Look how I've prepared,
in hopes that good st. Teats
will choose our lawn
to pass out on.
Bear witness how beautiful
the yaksmas stump looks.
And, I've placed
all our valuables
in the middle of the room
for easy access.
And see how I've decorated
the throne room
with a coffee grinds
welcome mat
and dental floss garland ?
( giggles )
When are you going
to grow up and realize
that this wizzleteats crap
is for the feebleminded ?
Shush, Ren,
he'll hear you !
You know he doesn't visit
the incredulous.
( metal clanging )
Get your filthy--
come on, Ren, it's bedtime !
We have to
get dressed for bed
in the time-honored
yaksmas tradition !
( Stimpy and child singers )
♪ It's a wizzleteats
kind of season ♪
♪ it's a special
holiday ♪
♪ the night air
smells of sausage ♪
♪ and rancid
curds and whey ♪
♪ the pickled chicken livers
are all laid out with care ♪
♪ in hopes that old
st. Wizzleteats ♪
♪ will rub them
in his hair ♪
♪ he comes a-hurlin'
in his souped-up sausage cart ♪
♪ with a great big bag
of pre-chewed gum ♪
♪ and a hubcap
o'er his heart ♪
♪ it's a wizzleteats
kind of morning ♪
♪ and we jump out
of our beds ♪
♪ then we tumble down
the staircase ♪
♪ landing on our heads ♪
♪ oh, we wolf down
meat by-products ♪
♪ and choke down
pre-Chewed gum ♪
♪ good old stinky wizzleteats
he always leaves us some ♪
♪ his suit is made
of donkey hide ♪
♪ and it smells like
stinky feet ♪
♪ and that is how
he got the name ♪
♪ of good old
stinky wizzleteats ♪
( whistling melody )
( snoring )
♪ He comes a-hurlin' in his
souped-Up sausage cart ♪
♪ with a great big bag
of pre-chewed gum ♪
♪ and a hubcap
o'er his heart ♪
sing it, kids !
♪ Over his heart ♪
♪ it's a wizzleteats
kind of morning ♪
♪ and we jump out
of our beds ♪
♪ then we tumble down
the staircase ♪
♪ landing on our heads ♪
♪ we wolf down
meat by-products ♪
♪ and choke down
pre-Chewed gum ♪
♪ good old stinky wizzleteats
he always leaves us some ♪
♪ there goes old stinky now
in his hot-rod knockwurst sled ♪
♪ with a twinkle in his
bloodshot eye ♪
♪ and a porkchop
on his head ♪
( birds chirping )
Lookie, Ren !
Stinky was here !
Pre-chewed gum--
grape !
Hot, smoky links !
( humming )
Hey, Ren, let's
exchange gifts.
Mmm, that's a great
idea, pal.
Me first !
A jewel-encrusted
queen of england !
It's just what
I've always wanted.
How did you ever know ?
Duhhh, I got your letter.
And now, I have
a gift for you.
You didn't !
Wait here.
How did you knooow... ?
It's nothing, really.
Oh !
F-f-f-fudge pop sticks.
Joy !
I... d-d-don't know...
what to say.
It's the thought that
c-C-counts, some say.
I'm just g-gonna step out
for some g-gum !
Huh ?
Oh yeah, sure.
H-h-hello, old girl.
It's not fair,
I tell ya !
It's not fair, it's not fair,
it's not fair !
You were supposed
to be mine !
Oops !
Stop, thief !
Help, police !
B-but--
I didn't mean to.
( man )
You there, drop that scooter !
Stop, thief !
It was a short,
fat guy.
In a red suit.
D'yeah, don't you
worry, ma'am,
nobody steals a $39 scooter on
my beat and gets away with it.
We'll catch him,
dead or alive !
Oh, what are we
gonna do, old girl ?
We're in a lot
of trouble.
Stimpy, come home !
I can't find
the pliers !
( crickets chirping )
( snoring )
It, it was an accident...
I didn't wanna...
didn't mean to...
that's him.
Stealing scooters on yaksmas--
shame on you !
But--
but I--
I stayed up for a week chewing
all that gum for you !
I'm glad I forgot to get you
that stupid scooter--
you don't deserve it !
I was gonna buy that scooter
for my sick little kid,
and now look at her !
Heh heh, heh heh !
Now look at me,
now look at me,
now look at me !
( laughs )
I can explain, I--
Stimpson J. Cat,
you stand accused of stealing
a $39 scooter.
How do you plead ?
Listen, your honor, I...
foreman yak, how do you
find the thieving rat ?
Guilty, of scooter-cide
in the first degree.
Very well.
For your crimes against
humanity, your sentence is...
infinity in prison !
But I didn't
mean to take it !!
( snoring )
No... Shapiro...
no jail.
Didn't do it...
innocent.
( gasps )
I gotta go home !
My pal Ren will help me !
Let's go, girl.
That's it, good old Ren
will know what to do,
'cause he's my bestest friend
in the whole world.
Yeah, that's right,
he took off and
I ain't seen him since.
You think you know somebody,
take 'em in, feed 'em,
clothe 'em,
and they turn out
to be a psycho !
I'm lucky to be alive !
A guy like that.
He could've robbed me
in my sleep.
( wailing )
It's not true !
Oh, Ren !
Oh, Ren !!
There's only one man
who can help me now...
stinky wizzleteats !
( crickets chirping )
Ohh...
oh my !
I've killed an elf !
Hey, nice bike !
You know, sitting around
the yaksmas stump
and drinking dog nog ain't
the same without Stimpy.
Yeah, I hate to admit it,
but I kinda miss
the big fat dope myself.
Poor baby,
all alone without
a friend in the world.
( both )
♪ Rick 'em rack rucklyn
sing this song ♪
♪ wicky wacky chew tobacky
all night long ♪
♪ all night long ♪
so let me
get this straight--
you're a C.I.A. Agent
sent by the queen of America
to deliver this top-secret
scooter to the west pole.
Yes, uh, to the
chief spy himself,
stinky wizzleteats.
Aren't you a little old
to believe in
stinky wizzle...
teats ?!
The scooter thief !
Stoooop !
I'm tellin'.
Help !
Police !
Help ! Get him !
( screams )
( pop )
( tires screech )
Ohh...
the west pole !
Hey, old girl,
we made it !
Scooter !
( sobbing )
Scooter !
My poor baby !
There now, old girl,
I got ya.
Don't worry, we're at old
st. Wizzleteat's house now.
He'll know what to do.
He-- hello.
Mr. Teats, sir ?
I was wondering
if you could help--
gosh, they're passed out,
and sleeping like logs.
It's a package--
from Ren to me !
( squeals )
It's my very own
johnny future's jet scooter.
Ren didn't forget to buy it--
stinky just forgot
to deliver it !
Oh... I almost forgot.
I'm sorry, old girl, I didn't
mean to forget about ya.
Don't worry,
everything's gonna be okay.
Stinky'll fix ya up
and take you back to
the bike shop where you belong.
( police sirens )
( old woman )
That's the one !
He took it !
The fat guy !
In the red suit !
Well, everything
worked out okay.
I got my scooter, and my
good name is cleared up,
thanks to good
st. Wizzleteats.
And I got everything
I could ever want.
Yes, Ren, it's truly
been a happy holiday.
Merry yaksmas !
Merry yaksmas !
( motor sputtering )
( announcer )
Hold it, dad !
No need to
cheat Fido anymore.
Hey kids, drop that dog
and pick up... dog water.
Yes, dog water,
with k-9-12--
the only bottled water made
entirely from dog.
It's a dog's mouth
in a bottle.
And we all know a dog's mouth
is cleaner than a human's.
Look, under the microscope
your mouth is a cesspool
of stinky bacteria
while a dog's mouth
is virtually filth-free,
making dog water
the perfect mouthwash.
Thousands have turned to dog
water as a refreshing drink.
But I'll bet you didn't know
that there are millions of uses
for the new miracle liquid,
dog water.
It's a good acne cream.
Dog water is also
the fragrance
preferred by glamorous
movie stars.
I prefer it.
So accept no substitutes
or cheap imitations
and ask for it by name.
I want dog water.
I want dog water.
I want dog water.
I want dog water.
( deep male voice )
I want dog water.
It's drool-licious !
And now, folks,
won't you join us
for another installment
of "kraftwork corner,"
with your host,
Stimpy cadogen.
Oh, hello.
Today, I'm gonna show ya
how to take new,
perfectly good household items
and turn them into
decorative and
useless crafts.
Let's check out these cool
crafts I made myself.
Just look at this
swell lamp I made
out of dad's hat and tie.
A comfy set of P.J.s
for teddy,
made out of mom's
new chinchilla coat.
A groovy spacesuit for dolly,
made out of parts from dad's
'56 gullwing Mercedes.
Here's a good one.
First, you take your
great-Grandmother's
dusty old
Louis xiv vanity mirror.
Next, you get your brother's
Kareem Abdul-jabbar
autographed basketball.
Then all you need is a hammer
and some glue, and "viola" !
A disco mirror ball.
Welp, that about wraps up
the show for today.
Next week we'll--
( announcer )
Oh, Mr. Cadogen...
this letter just
arrived for you.
Hmm, let's see...
( mumbling )
... Invited...
it's a invite to a fancy
dress costume ball !
Oh, rats, we ain't
got no costumes.
I know !
Be right back !
Well, we're all ready to go.
I made myself
a gorilla costume out of...
mom's dynel wigs.
That's all the time
we have this week.
See you next time
on "kraftwork corner."
Come on, Ren,
we're gonna be late !
Yeah, yeah,
hold your horses.
hmph !
Unacceptable !
( whistling )
Joy !
Here's your month's pay.
Wow !
And a half-stick
yaksmas bonus !
Bless you, sir.
Happy yaksmas, and may all
your cobs be lumpy ones.
Hooray !
It's yaksmas eve !
The soot is falling
and the air is filled
with the scent of roasted
rubber band vendors.
It's my favorite
time of the year !
Hi, kids !
Man, that's a really swell
sootman you've got there.
Hey, look, it's that
fat, stupid guy again.
Aww, look at the
cute little tykes.
Eh heh heh heh...
kids...
you gotta love 'em.
Oh !
There it is...
the johnny future's
jet scooter.
How you been doing ?
Did you miss me ?
That's okay, girl,
come tomorrow,
we'll be together forever.
M'wah !
( gasps )
Uh-Oh !
I gotta get home and get
everything ready.
That oughta do it.
There's no way
he'll miss this.
( flush, zip )
There, I feel
10 pounds lighter.
Hey, stupid, hurry up
with my supper !
I'm starving.
Let me just scooter
that in a little closer.
( sniffs )
Mmm, chopped liver,
my favorite !
Yes, sir, nothing like a big
steaming heap of chopped--
( crickets chirping )
( banging )
( stapling )
( drilling,
hammering )
What the--
hey, what's with
all the banging ?
There we go,
long johns in place.
May I ask why you're nailing
support hose to the wall ?
Why, Ren,
don't you know ?
It's yaksmas eve--
the shabbiest day
of the year !
And the long johns are
for stinky wizzleteats
to put sausages in.
And see the beautiful
decorations
to celebrate the cob-tide ?
Look how I've prepared,
in hopes that good st. Teats
will choose our lawn
to pass out on.
Bear witness how beautiful
the yaksmas stump looks.
And, I've placed
all our valuables
in the middle of the room
for easy access.
And see how I've decorated
the throne room
with a coffee grinds
welcome mat
and dental floss garland ?
( giggles )
When are you going
to grow up and realize
that this wizzleteats crap
is for the feebleminded ?
Shush, Ren,
he'll hear you !
You know he doesn't visit
the incredulous.
( metal clanging )
Get your filthy--
come on, Ren, it's bedtime !
We have to
get dressed for bed
in the time-honored
yaksmas tradition !
( Stimpy and child singers )
♪ It's a wizzleteats
kind of season ♪
♪ it's a special
holiday ♪
♪ the night air
smells of sausage ♪
♪ and rancid
curds and whey ♪
♪ the pickled chicken livers
are all laid out with care ♪
♪ in hopes that old
st. Wizzleteats ♪
♪ will rub them
in his hair ♪
♪ he comes a-hurlin'
in his souped-up sausage cart ♪
♪ with a great big bag
of pre-chewed gum ♪
♪ and a hubcap
o'er his heart ♪
♪ it's a wizzleteats
kind of morning ♪
♪ and we jump out
of our beds ♪
♪ then we tumble down
the staircase ♪
♪ landing on our heads ♪
♪ oh, we wolf down
meat by-products ♪
♪ and choke down
pre-Chewed gum ♪
♪ good old stinky wizzleteats
he always leaves us some ♪
♪ his suit is made
of donkey hide ♪
♪ and it smells like
stinky feet ♪
♪ and that is how
he got the name ♪
♪ of good old
stinky wizzleteats ♪
( whistling melody )
( snoring )
♪ He comes a-hurlin' in his
souped-Up sausage cart ♪
♪ with a great big bag
of pre-chewed gum ♪
♪ and a hubcap
o'er his heart ♪
sing it, kids !
♪ Over his heart ♪
♪ it's a wizzleteats
kind of morning ♪
♪ and we jump out
of our beds ♪
♪ then we tumble down
the staircase ♪
♪ landing on our heads ♪
♪ we wolf down
meat by-products ♪
♪ and choke down
pre-Chewed gum ♪
♪ good old stinky wizzleteats
he always leaves us some ♪
♪ there goes old stinky now
in his hot-rod knockwurst sled ♪
♪ with a twinkle in his
bloodshot eye ♪
♪ and a porkchop
on his head ♪
( birds chirping )
Lookie, Ren !
Stinky was here !
Pre-chewed gum--
grape !
Hot, smoky links !
( humming )
Hey, Ren, let's
exchange gifts.
Mmm, that's a great
idea, pal.
Me first !
A jewel-encrusted
queen of england !
It's just what
I've always wanted.
How did you ever know ?
Duhhh, I got your letter.
And now, I have
a gift for you.
You didn't !
Wait here.
How did you knooow... ?
It's nothing, really.
Oh !
F-f-f-fudge pop sticks.
Joy !
I... d-d-don't know...
what to say.
It's the thought that
c-C-counts, some say.
I'm just g-gonna step out
for some g-gum !
Huh ?
Oh yeah, sure.
H-h-hello, old girl.
It's not fair,
I tell ya !
It's not fair, it's not fair,
it's not fair !
You were supposed
to be mine !
Oops !
Stop, thief !
Help, police !
B-but--
I didn't mean to.
( man )
You there, drop that scooter !
Stop, thief !
It was a short,
fat guy.
In a red suit.
D'yeah, don't you
worry, ma'am,
nobody steals a $39 scooter on
my beat and gets away with it.
We'll catch him,
dead or alive !
Oh, what are we
gonna do, old girl ?
We're in a lot
of trouble.
Stimpy, come home !
I can't find
the pliers !
( crickets chirping )
( snoring )
It, it was an accident...
I didn't wanna...
didn't mean to...
that's him.
Stealing scooters on yaksmas--
shame on you !
But--
but I--
I stayed up for a week chewing
all that gum for you !
I'm glad I forgot to get you
that stupid scooter--
you don't deserve it !
I was gonna buy that scooter
for my sick little kid,
and now look at her !
Heh heh, heh heh !
Now look at me,
now look at me,
now look at me !
( laughs )
I can explain, I--
Stimpson J. Cat,
you stand accused of stealing
a $39 scooter.
How do you plead ?
Listen, your honor, I...
foreman yak, how do you
find the thieving rat ?
Guilty, of scooter-cide
in the first degree.
Very well.
For your crimes against
humanity, your sentence is...
infinity in prison !
But I didn't
mean to take it !!
( snoring )
No... Shapiro...
no jail.
Didn't do it...
innocent.
( gasps )
I gotta go home !
My pal Ren will help me !
Let's go, girl.
That's it, good old Ren
will know what to do,
'cause he's my bestest friend
in the whole world.
Yeah, that's right,
he took off and
I ain't seen him since.
You think you know somebody,
take 'em in, feed 'em,
clothe 'em,
and they turn out
to be a psycho !
I'm lucky to be alive !
A guy like that.
He could've robbed me
in my sleep.
( wailing )
It's not true !
Oh, Ren !
Oh, Ren !!
There's only one man
who can help me now...
stinky wizzleteats !
( crickets chirping )
Ohh...
oh my !
I've killed an elf !
Hey, nice bike !
You know, sitting around
the yaksmas stump
and drinking dog nog ain't
the same without Stimpy.
Yeah, I hate to admit it,
but I kinda miss
the big fat dope myself.
Poor baby,
all alone without
a friend in the world.
( both )
♪ Rick 'em rack rucklyn
sing this song ♪
♪ wicky wacky chew tobacky
all night long ♪
♪ all night long ♪
so let me
get this straight--
you're a C.I.A. Agent
sent by the queen of America
to deliver this top-secret
scooter to the west pole.
Yes, uh, to the
chief spy himself,
stinky wizzleteats.
Aren't you a little old
to believe in
stinky wizzle...
teats ?!
The scooter thief !
Stoooop !
I'm tellin'.
Help !
Police !
Help ! Get him !
( screams )
( pop )
( tires screech )
Ohh...
the west pole !
Hey, old girl,
we made it !
Scooter !
( sobbing )
Scooter !
My poor baby !
There now, old girl,
I got ya.
Don't worry, we're at old
st. Wizzleteat's house now.
He'll know what to do.
He-- hello.
Mr. Teats, sir ?
I was wondering
if you could help--
gosh, they're passed out,
and sleeping like logs.
It's a package--
from Ren to me !
( squeals )
It's my very own
johnny future's jet scooter.
Ren didn't forget to buy it--
stinky just forgot
to deliver it !
Oh... I almost forgot.
I'm sorry, old girl, I didn't
mean to forget about ya.
Don't worry,
everything's gonna be okay.
Stinky'll fix ya up
and take you back to
the bike shop where you belong.
( police sirens )
( old woman )
That's the one !
He took it !
The fat guy !
In the red suit !
Well, everything
worked out okay.
I got my scooter, and my
good name is cleared up,
thanks to good
st. Wizzleteats.
And I got everything
I could ever want.
Yes, Ren, it's truly
been a happy holiday.
Merry yaksmas !
Merry yaksmas !
( motor sputtering )
( announcer )
Hold it, dad !
No need to
cheat Fido anymore.
Hey kids, drop that dog
and pick up... dog water.
Yes, dog water,
with k-9-12--
the only bottled water made
entirely from dog.
It's a dog's mouth
in a bottle.
And we all know a dog's mouth
is cleaner than a human's.
Look, under the microscope
your mouth is a cesspool
of stinky bacteria
while a dog's mouth
is virtually filth-free,
making dog water
the perfect mouthwash.
Thousands have turned to dog
water as a refreshing drink.
But I'll bet you didn't know
that there are millions of uses
for the new miracle liquid,
dog water.
It's a good acne cream.
Dog water is also
the fragrance
preferred by glamorous
movie stars.
I prefer it.
So accept no substitutes
or cheap imitations
and ask for it by name.
I want dog water.
I want dog water.
I want dog water.
I want dog water.
( deep male voice )
I want dog water.
It's drool-licious !
And now, folks,
won't you join us
for another installment
of "kraftwork corner,"
with your host,
Stimpy cadogen.
Oh, hello.
Today, I'm gonna show ya
how to take new,
perfectly good household items
and turn them into
decorative and
useless crafts.
Let's check out these cool
crafts I made myself.
Just look at this
swell lamp I made
out of dad's hat and tie.
A comfy set of P.J.s
for teddy,
made out of mom's
new chinchilla coat.
A groovy spacesuit for dolly,
made out of parts from dad's
'56 gullwing Mercedes.
Here's a good one.
First, you take your
great-Grandmother's
dusty old
Louis xiv vanity mirror.
Next, you get your brother's
Kareem Abdul-jabbar
autographed basketball.
Then all you need is a hammer
and some glue, and "viola" !
A disco mirror ball.
Welp, that about wraps up
the show for today.
Next week we'll--
( announcer )
Oh, Mr. Cadogen...
this letter just
arrived for you.
Hmm, let's see...
( mumbling )
... Invited...
it's a invite to a fancy
dress costume ball !
Oh, rats, we ain't
got no costumes.
I know !
Be right back !
Well, we're all ready to go.
I made myself
a gorilla costume out of...
mom's dynel wigs.
That's all the time
we have this week.
See you next time
on "kraftwork corner."
Come on, Ren,
we're gonna be late !
Yeah, yeah,
hold your horses.