The Reluctant Traveler (2023–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - Lisbon - full transcript

A great philosopher
once said, "The world is a book,

and those who don't travel
read only one page."

Well, I've gotta say,

I've read a few pages,
and I'm not crazy about the book.

I don't look forward to traveling
for a number of reasons.

When it's too cold,

I'm not comfortable.

Ice swimming, naked?

- Yes.
- Well, that's a terrific invitation.

When it's too warm, guess what?
I'm not comfortable.

I can't move that fast.



- But I'm 75.
- You need some help?

No, I got it.

And maybe it's time to expand my horizons.

Oh, my God.

First time I've had my hand
up an elephant's ass.

On the plus side,

I'm staying at some unbelievable hotels.

Oh, my. This is spectacular.

The catch is, I've also agreed
to explore what lies outside.

- Watch your step.
- No kidding.

- Beautiful mountain.
- That's a volcano.

That's a volcano?

A world I've spent my whole life avoiding.

Sadie.



Oh, my God.

Just surviving would be great.

This is the last time
I have five vodkas with a Finn.

I'm here at the westernmost tip of Europe.

The closest European city
to North America,

and yet a city
I know absolutely nothing about.

I love Europe.

I've been to Rome and London and Paris.

And you seem to know a lot
about those cities.

I can't even pinpoint Lisbon on a map.
I'm almost embarrassed to say that.

But I'm told
that it's Europe's sunniest capital.

Could this be the reason why the number
of tourists has doubled in recent years?

While I'm here, I'll try and find out

what it is they know
that I, without question, don't.

Is that for me?

Welcoming me to Lisbon
is local guide and heart-throb Bernardo.

Whose car is even more
old-school Hollywood than his mustache.

- For me?
- Yeah, for you.

- Let's go.
- Let's go.

All right, Bernardo.
Talk to me about Lisbon.

So, it's almost 400 years older than Rome.

400 years older than Rome?

We call a place ancient
if only Grandpa remembers it.

This place has been here over 3,000 years.

It's quite beautiful.

Exactly.

Sitting at the mouth of the Atlantic,

Lisbon's location made it a key port
for trade between Europe and Africa.

So, this is our main square.
It was a trading spot back in the days.

So ships would come in,
bring their goods here.

The trading would go on in that square.

Exactly.

While Lisbon's golden age
was in the 16th century,

it's been a quietly influential city
right up to modern times.

In fact, in World War II,

it was nicknamed "the city of spies"

when both Nazi and Allied agents
operated undercover here.

Also, Lisbon is known for
being the city of the seven hills.

It looks like there's a lot more
than seven hills in this town.

And it seems every street we've been on
is cobblestone.

Yeah.

Let's hope Bernardo
knows a good chiropractor.

- So, Eugene, we are arriving.
- Ah.

Perched on top of
one of those famous hills,

my hotel is a former palace

whose most famous resident
was a flamboyant aristocrat.

- Welcome, Mr. Levy.
- Very, very nice.

I feel underdressed.

Hard to know whether to tip
this guy or challenge him to a duel.

What a lovely place.

The interior of the Palacio
reflects the taste of the count

whose approach was most definitely not
less is more.

We wanted to preserve as much as we could
about the... the old palace.

Hotel manager Margarida
is putting me in the royal suite

where I'll make myself at home
among the other priceless antiques.

Very, very beautiful.

I feel just as comfortable here
as I do in a china shop,

terrified I'll break something.

Everything that you see was all
asked to be made by the Count of Verride.

- The Count of Verride.
- Verride.

It's easy for me because being Jewish,

- the... is very kind of common.
- It's... Yes.

- So, it's not difficult to pronounce.
- Very few languages use the...

- It's true.
- Right?

Everything was his work.
The stuccos on the ceiling, the woodwork.

He was a wealthy man,
and he wanted to show it off.

This has to be the definition
of a bathroom.

- The tile work is just beautiful.
- Yes.

They say a hotel
is your home away from home.

If I had a home away from home
that looked like this,

you know, I'd be one happy guy.

And who's on the wall?

She was a Portuguese queen
that married a king in England.

And in Portugal we had the culture of tea,

so she was actually the one
that took tea to England.

That's a great piece of information.

Do you mind telling people
that you heard that from me?

- And oh, it's fine. Yeah.
- Yeah. Okay.

- I can let them know that you taught me.
- That would be a good one.

So, I might be able
to pass myself off as a tea expert.

- After you. Mind the step, please.
- Oh, my.

But I still know next to nothing
about Lisbon itself.

That's something.

Yeah, I-I just... I looked down.

- I didn't realize...
- You're okay?

...how close I was to the edge.

Let's step back in.

What I do know is I'm happiest
when my feet are firmly on dry land.

But Margarida tells me
to really appreciate this seafaring town,

I need to sail up its mighty Tagus River.

So, I'm heading out with tour guide Luísa.

- Okay.
- I would like to introduce you,

the captain Angelo.

Hey, Angelo.

- Welcome aboard. Do you like?
- Yes.

- It's my first time on a... on a sailboat...
- Yeah.

...and I don't really see a big crew.

Yeah, you know that we need your help.

Well, you know, I... I'll do what I can.

Angelo literally has no idea
how little I'm capable of.

Can you help me to remove the ropes?

- Remove the ropes.
- The ropes.

Is there a nautical word for ropes,
or is it just ropes?

- Ropes.
- Oh, I see. All right.

Let's go to up the sail.

Up sail!

No, no. We have to do it.

- Come with me.
- You want me up top?

- Yeah, don't worry about the steering.
- It's okay. Don't worry.

And now we are sailing.

There's some boats
crossing right in front of us.

- Don't worry.
- Don't worry about them?

- No, no, don't worry.
- They're just people.

It's a nice job, right?

It is, if you weren't so concerned about,
you know, your life.

Miraculously, I've managed
to maneuver us safely out of the marina.

Look at how pretty that looks right now.

This is the best place to discover Lisbon.

You can see the old town, the hills...
The famous hills,

and you can see the statue here.

We call it Christ the King.

Of course, when you look at it,
you think of another country, right?

- I would say Brazil. Yeah.
- Brazil. Exactly.

You know, the cardinal of Lisbon
visited Rio in the '30s,

and he was impressed with the statue of
Christ the Redeemer,

and when he came back,
he wanted to make something similar.

Ah. What's this over here?

The first name was Salazar Bridge.
This remind you something?

Yeah, they... Well, of course,
the Golden Gate Bridge, San Francisco.

There is a reason, you see,

because Lisbon has another thing
that is similar to San Francisco.

Earthquakes.

In fact, most of the city was
destroyed in the great earthquake of 1755

and had to be rebuilt.

Oh, yeah. We're going under the bridge.

When it came to designing a bridge,

they hired Americans
to make it earthquake-proof,

like the ones in California.

You know, from Lisbon,

you can see a little bit of
the whole world in just one city.

Lisbon's skyline
is strikingly international

and has long been a global melting pot.

This is a monument to celebrate
what many people don't know.

It was exactly from here
that sailors left from Lisbon...

- Right.
- ...to discover the New World.

During the 15th and 16th centuries,

the Portuguese found sea routes
to India, Brazil, China and Japan.

And suddenly all the different people,
the exotic products, they start arriving.

And Lisbon became the richest city
in Europe.

To think that a city
I couldn't even point to on a map

actually helped draw it.

You know, still today, the Portuguese
people like to explore the world.

We like to get out,
have different experiences.

What about you?
Do you like also to travel to...

I... You know,

- adventure is my middle name, Luísa.
- Great.

- You know, explore the world...
- Hmm.

...it's in my nature.

So you are like the Portuguese.

You could say
I've got a little Portuguese in me.

I did lie.

It just seemed she was so excited
about being with an adventurous person.

I might have gone over the edge
a little bit.

I'm not adventurous at all.

That's where acting comes in.

You know, when you can hide ineptitude
on a scale like that, give me an Oscar.

After a heavy day captaining a ship,

one thing I don't need to fake
is my love of cocktails.

And the hotel's specialty
has a nautical theme.

Oh, it's meant to be a boat.

I see it now. Sails.

Oh, that's good.

This evening's drinks
are served with a side of music.

This is Lisbon's answer
to the blues, called fado.

It's traditionally the song of sailors,
like I technically am now.

Tonight, it's being sung by a megastar.

Let's call him the Bono of fado.

Nice to meet you. How are you?
My name is Hélder.

- Hélder?
- Hélder.

So where did this music start?

The first fado singer was one lady.
The name was Maria Severa.

And she was a... a prostitute,
and she used to play guitar.

- A prostitute?
- Yeah.

It was an interesting history.

I wouldn't have guessed
that it w-would be a prostitute

who came up with the tune.

But give her credit.

Which I'm sure she didn't take
at the time.

It was cash only.

There's some long, lingering notes.

Boy, you've got to have a voice
to sing fado.

You are a musician?

- To...
- But you play some instrument?

- Some...
- Oh, badly.

W-Which one?

- Guitar.
- Guitar?

In a couple of days,
we-we are going to another fado club.

Why don't we try to-to-to play with...
A little bit with us?

He was being very gracious,
asking me to perform.

But the idea of accompanying him
on a guitar would...

I-I'd be ruining, you know, his set.

I-I don't know whether I could play...

- Well, just to try.
- ...with you.

I don't want to incur his wrath by hitting
a wrong note in the wrong place.

I haven't picked up a guitar in years.

And believe me,
I'm no fan of public humiliation.

But maybe joining Hélder on stage

could be just the voyage
of self-discovery I need.

It's another one of Lisbon's
220 annual days of glorious sunshine.

Now, it's no secret I get anxious
trying new things,

and that's even more true of my stomach.

But this place is a foodie hotspot,

so I'm headed into town
to sample its delights.

First, I've got to get there.

Lisbon's most iconic form of
transportation is the tram.

Nobody likes exercise more than me,
don't get me wrong.

But too many hills.

Inspired by the cable cars
in the United States,

they were originally dubbed Americanos.

Never been on a tram.

We have streetcars in Toronto,
but not trams.

I always prefer a form of
transportation that comes with no drama.

- I think we have an issue here.
- We have an issue?

Badly parked car.

Well, this is...
I've got to do something about this.

We've got a parked car here.
It's parked way too close to the tracks.

I wasn't expecting, you know,
an emergency situation like that.

- Take it right through.
- No, no, no, please.

If it was me, I would just barrel through,

take the front part of the car right off,
you know?

You can't do that?

- You can't just go through?
- No, I cant.

- It will be my fault.
- But it's his problem.

Does that happen a lot?

It's... Yes, often, often.

That car will get fined,
and if he's still there, he'll get towed.

Everything works out.
It's what I call a happy ending.

Sadly, I don't have time
to wait and see justice served.

So, looks like I'm forced to head off
on foot in search of some culinary treats.

Eugene, I'm Luísa.

- Luísa, so nice to meet you.
- I'm responsible for your well-being

in the next few hours.

Aha!

Responsible for what's going
into my tummy.

And I want you to understand
why we love food in Portugal.

First thing we like, food, second food,
third food and sun.

I get it. I totally get it.

So, let's buy the things I need
to cook your lunch.

Luísa is a local chef
who runs cookery classes.

So, this is really
the best market in Lisbon.

I come here every day,
because you know what?

I think you know a country and a culture

- by the food.
- That's true.

And we do care about international food
in Lisbon.

We took a lot of flavors and spices
from all over the world to Portugal.

The vast Portuguese trading network

brought back foods from places
like Africa, India and the Far East.

- I've heard so much about piri piri sauce...
- Wow.

...as being one of
the great tasty Portuguese dishes.

You'll love piri piri sauce.

Sailors from here discovered the
powerful bird's eye chili in Mozambique

and created piri piri.

That's Swahili for "pepper, pepper."

It's so pungent, they named it twice.

- These look very spicy. Is this hot?
- Everything is really hot.

- Hot like, ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hot?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Though I just wish
I knew the Portuguese for

"I'm more of a ketchup kind of guy."

Next on the menu is something
the locals love even more than piri piri.

Fish.

Only Japan and Iceland
eat more per person.

So, the fish we are going to prepare
is that one.

Oh, boy.

So, I've never been fond of fish markets,

and I can't imagine the fish are either.

I can hear it.

There's some crunching.

Wow.

This is why
you'd never catch me on a pier.

I just know I'm gonna be seeing
the look in that fish's eyes

for years to come.

But now something
I'm even less prepared for.

Very welcome to my humble house.

Cooking.

So, Eugene, we have here the ingredients
for the piri piri sauce.

So, I'm gonna cut this.

- First, I'm gonna cut it like that.
- Yeah.

And do you slice it?

- You peel it before, Eugene.
- Huh? Oh, you like to peel it?

- Yes.
- Oh, okay.

- You have to peel onions.
- Well, different cultures.

I just like eating stuff.
I don't really like making it, you know?

You learn a lot about people when cooking,
isn't it?

Well, I'm afraid to carry... carry this on
any further than... than that.

The first date I ever had with my wife,

I was making some tea
and I would put the tea bag in the cup

and then just kind of squeeze it out
with a spoon.

She said, "What are you doing?"

I said, "I'm making you a cup of tea."

She said,
"Well, don't you steep your tea?"

I said, "I don't know what that means."

We got into a little argument.
That was our first date.

And you had some trouble
to get her back or not?

No, I had no trouble.

She was bedazzled by my personality.

She really loved you.

Ah, eventually.

For how long are you married?

We've been married 45 years.

- Wow, that's great.
- Yeah.

And... I'm... I always think
that I'm the longest marriage I know.

- And you've been married...
- Thirty-eight.

- Thirty-eight?
- Yes.

- Well, that's pretty close.
- Yeah.

- I got you by seven.
- Yeah.

Now it's no use to get divorced.

- No.
- No. There's no... There's no point.

As my wife says, there's a whole new set
of in-laws you have to get to know.

- Yeah, exactly.
- Right?

You know,
I have to write a note to your wife,

- because I'm sure she suffers with you.
- She does.

Luísa realizes
the best thing she can have me do

is simply snack and watch.

- Peppers?
- Peppers.

Lemon.

In a perfect piri piri,
the chili's heat is tempered

by a delicate mix of
lemon, garlic, onion and salt.

And after I finally pulled my weight...

- Perfect?
- Perfect.

...the sauce is ready.

I'm gonna put the fish in a marinade.

And following Portuguese tradition,

Luísa is subjecting the fish
to further indignities.

The fish sitting in that milk.

- What?
- You're worse than my grandchildren.

I'm a picky eater.

- It will soften...
- It softens the fish?

- ...the fish. You'll see when you eat it.
- Right?

She instills a lot of confidence,
so I was putting a lot of trust in her.

I'm nervous.

The fish, the piri piri sauce.
But be careful.

Okay.

Oh, my God. This is incredible.

Definitely the best meal I've had
in Portugal.

Great. Thank you for trusting me.

I didn't think I did too badly
with the meal.

I didn't mind
being bossed around by Luísa.

- To the fish.
- To the fish.

Lisbon evidently
has a strange effect on people.

I'm not just trying new things,
I'm liking some.

Maybe this town's adventurous spirit
is rubbing off on me.

But there's a bigger challenge
to prepare for, Hélder's gig.

It's all not coming back to me now.

I haven't picked up a guitar in too long.

And you may hear a clinker or two,
if you're listening to me.

So, I may be doing a lot of wincing
up there on stage.

You know, the whole thing could turn out
to be very sad because of my playing.

But that's what fado music is, isn't it?
Right?

So, I'm glad I'll be able to contribute
to the longing

for a better musician
up there with this guy.

Yeah, I may have
a long night of practice ahead.

This morning, hotel owner Kees
is taking me for a walk on the cobbles,

and he's promised it'll be worth my while.

Good morning.

- Fine sense of style. I love that.
- Yeah?

My son would be just going crazy

- with this outfit.
- Yeah?

Dutchman Kees settled here
over 40 years ago

after traveling the globe.

I came to live here

because Lisbon is one of
the most beautiful places in the world.

And in an effort to persuade me of that,

he's figured out a way of
getting to my heart: pastries.

Maybe you'll allow me
to buy some small custard tarts.

Custard tarts?

My, my, my. I love these.

Pastel de natas owe their existence

to nuns who used egg whites
to starch their habits,

leaving the leftover yolk
for the monks to whip into custard.

God bless the monks. How about that?

Can't wait.

Every single street,
you see a lot of tiles.

Oh.

In Lisbon or Portugal
they call them azulejos.

These painted tiles
originate from the Moors.

Azulejo is an Arabic word
meaning "polished stones."

- Are these tiles still made now in Lisbon?
- Absolutely.

Like, the tiles in our hotel are all
handmade by the same factories

that doing that for ages.

I'm now starting to identify
a personality to the city

that I didn't before.

This is stunning.

Eugene, maybe it's time that we tried
the pastel de natas.

A man after my own heart.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Oh, my.

Those tarts were insane.

They were so incredibly delicious.

Wow.

That's the reason to come to Lisbon,
just for the tarts.

Bottoms up.

I'd be happy to volunteer
as Lisbon's chief custard tart taster,

but Kees has other ideas for me.

He's recommended a visit to one of
the city's oldest tile factories.

Here they form, fire, glaze and paint

up to 20,000 a day.

I'm meeting Diogo,

who's brought contemporary
design to the world of ceramics.

Just one cutting-edge artist
meeting another.

- I'm Diogo.
- Diogo.

- Eugene.
- You're the man.

Diogo's tiles use azulejos'
historic blue and white colors.

The twist here is my artwork
kind of looks traditional.

It's not traditional at all.

My focus is more based on patterns
and elements within patterns.

- Right.
- If you look at the pattern here,

then, you know, it might be like a small
creature or a cartoonish inspired...

Oh, I see. I can see that.

Diogo's limited-edition tiles
sell for hundreds of dollars each.

They're painstakingly painted by hand.

Manuela is right here.
She's the master expert of tile painting.

She's been working here for 42 years.

Forty-two? Amazing.

She's asking if you wanna try.
Do you wanna try?

- You should try doing it.
- Try painting? I don't know.

So of course it makes perfect sense

to set me loose
on one of his precious designs.

- See?
- Oh. I'm gonna start here.

- There you go.
- I see.

I started well on my tile.

I actually surprised myself a little bit.

You are actually doing really well.

I'm gonna create a challenge for you
right now.

Yeah?

So, this has these white lines.

So what should we do
to paint around the white lines?

- That's...
- I would get...

I would get somebody else, but...

- I'm gonna do this. Now there.
- It's good.

My dad was a great artist.
He used to do caricatures and things.

Steady hands. Position.

- You ready?
- Whenever you're ready.

I picked up nothing from... from that.

Well, that's bad. That's ruined now.

What happened to that gene?

- We did a collaboration, Eugene.
- All right.

- I hope you're happy with this one.
- Wow.

He's a very talented guy.

I haven't exactly
covered myself in glory here,

but I'm hoping tonight's collaboration
will paint me in a more favorable light.

Apologies for that.

Oh, boy.

Not bad.

Several hours later
and the crowds are already gathering

to watch one of
Portugal's greatest fado singers.

I feel bad for this chap.

I don't think he knows
what he's gotten himself into.

And his incredibly underwhelming
Canadian guitarist.

- Eugene.
- Hello, Eugene.

- Hi.
- Welcome.

Fortunately,
some of my new Portuguese friends...

- Wow, you're so chic.
- Wow.

...have come to support me.

We have a very special guest at the house.

I would like to present you, please,
Mr. Eugene Levy.

All I have to do
is strum the simple chords

and let the professionals
take care of the fancier business.

It sounds easy until you throw in
a room full of fado fans.

Thank you out there.

- I'm not gonna be singing.
- Okay.

This is my very first fado concert.
Hopefully I don't screw it up.

Gentlemen.

Two, three, four.

It was actually nerve-racking
to be up there

because they're so good at what they do.

But I don't...
I don't think I did screw that up.

I was better than I thought I would be.

Yeah, whoa!

Thank you.

This is a lot of fun.

It's hard to believe just days ago,
I knew so little about this town.

I can honestly say, going from
a blank slate on what this place is,

it's a bit of an eye-opener.

Exploration and adventure
are written into Lisbon's DNA.

The Portuguese ventured out into
the world, discovered the new and exotic,

then wove it into the fabric of this city.

And it's inspiring.

I still find I'm fighting
that adventurous spirit thing, you know?

I know I still don't quite have it,
but I'm giving it a go.

To my fado premiere.

- Yeah.
- Yeah!

And I guess I might be classified
as a junior member

in the world travelers club.