The Reluctant Traveler (2023–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Maldives - full transcript

A great philosopher once said,
"The world is a book,

and those who don't travel
read only one page."

Well, I've gotta say,

I've read a few pages,
and I'm not crazy about the book.

I don't look forward to traveling
for a number of reasons.

When it's too cold, I'm not comfortable.

Ice swimming, naked?

- Yes.
- Well, that's a terrific invitation.

When it's too warm, guess what?
I'm not comfortable.

I can't move that fast.

- But I'm 75.
- You need some help?



No, I got it.

And maybe it's time to expand my horizons.

Oh, my God.

First time I've had my hand
up an elephant's ass.

On the plus side,

I'm staying at some unbelievable hotels.

Oh, my. This is spectacular.

The catch is, I've also agreed
to explore what lies outside.

- Watch your step.
- No kidding.

- Beautiful mountain.
- That's a volcano.

That's a volcano?

A world I've spent my whole life avoiding.

Whoa. Sadie.

Oh, my God.



Just surviving would be great.

This is the last time
I have five vodkas with a Finn.

I've come to paradise.

No question about it.
Very, very beautiful.

Who wouldn't love it here?

Well, I know this sounds crazy,

but someone who's as terrified of water
as I am.

I'm more of a land guy.

I really enjoy myself
when I'm on terra firma.

When I'm around water,
I'm not that comfortable.

And there's a lot of ocean out here.

I'm seeing nothing but ocean.

While I can appreciate the beauty
of the deep blue sea,

if you ever see me in it, send help.

Because chances are I'm not waving,
I'm drowning.

I feel like I'm a little speck in the...

You know,
in the middle of the Indian Ocean.

The reason man was given two legs is
to walk on the ground.

This is kind of like
my own personal version of Cast Away.

I just hope someone is coming
to rescue me.

The Maldives.

600 miles of sand bars and coral reefs,

formed by prehistoric volcanoes.

Only 1% of this country is actual land.

And I'm not in a hurry
to acquaint myself with the other 99%,

hence the seaplane to my hotel.

I'm hoping there's oxygen on board.

The words "sea" and "plane"

only make me think
of the words "plunge" and "debris".

Anyway...

Hi, sir. A very good afternoon.
Welcome aboard.

Your life jacket's under the seat.

Keep the seat belts fastened
and enjoy your flight.

Thank you very much.

That's not a good place for life jackets,
is it?

Why aren't the life jackets in your lap?

Where you can get to it fast.

Under the seat is like, you know...
I don't know.

People panic when you're going down.
Don't you?

Wouldn't you panic and you'd kind of
just lose your sense of everything?

And you'd figure, "What did he say again?

Where are the life jackets?

What did he say? Under the seat?"

The pilots have no shoes on.

That's because when you hit the water,
shoes take you right down.

It's actually kind of pretty.

I'm seeing these islands,
amazing colors over the water.

I've never seen that before.

So there are 1,200 islands
in the Maldives,

but just 200 are inhabited.

I hope we're going to one of those
and not doing the Robinson Crusoe thing.

I'm not sure how it gets down.

I'm assuming it just crashes.

Oh, my God. We're hitting the water.

Sweaty palms.

A few years ago, this island,
Kudadoo, was little more than a sand dune.

Since then,
they've spent $45 million on it,

which means I'm lucky enough to be staying

on one of the most expensive sandcastles
in the world.

The resort promises a luxury escape,

and to ensure this,

they started planning for my visit
before I'd even got on the plane.

This was a preference form

that was sent by the hotel,

that I'm supposed to fill out
before I travel.

So, "title".

Okay. "Mr., Miss, Master, Doctor,

King."

I feel like putting down King,
but I'm gonna put down, "Mr."

"Effortless adventures."

Well, this is gonna be easy.

"Paddleboarding". No.

"Jet ski, kitesurfing, scuba diving.

Scuba diving by scooter with sharks."

This is what I'm gonna do.

No.

"What's
your favorite leisure-time activity?"

Resting.

"If we were to cook you one dream meal,
what would it be?

You can have anything."

Cheeseburger, fries and shake.

Chocolate or vanilla.

I'll leave that up to them.

Good morning, Eugene.
Welcome to Kudadoo, Maldives.

- I'm Brad Colder, General Manager.
- All right.

- Nice to meet you, Brad.
- Nice to meet you.

Oh, my God.

The last time I had a welcome like this
checking into a hotel was never.

- Never?
- No, it's never happened before.

Already we're off to a good start.

Allow me to introduce you to the island.

Kuda, it means "small"
in Maldivian language,

so it's a very, very small island.

Fifteen residences only.

Once the guest is on island,

there's a concept called
"anything, anytime, anywhere",

where our staff are on call
to provide anything at their disposal.

And every wish is our command.

- Anything, anytime...
- Anywhere.

- ...anywhere.
- Yeah.

Now my three favorite words.

Look at this beach.

- One of these is mine?
- Certainly is.

There are never more than 32 guests here,

which means the staff can engage
in some Olympic-class pampering.

I'm just hoping there are
some dry land activities while I'm here.

From your residence,
you can drop straight in for a snorkel.

You can normally see more than five
different types of fish at any given time

- when you're snorkeling.
- Yeah.

The only dangerous thing
I would actually warn you about

is if you see this big fish,
called a Trigger Fish,

you might just wanna give it a wide berth.

One lady had a nasty piece
of her ear taken off...

- Oh, really?
- ...by this Trigger Fish, so...

Yeah, well, don't worry.

- I'll give it a wide berth.
- Yeah.

It'll bring new meaning
to the term "wide berth".

The occasional shark will swim by.

Sharks in the water?

Yeah, not that good.

This is quite the vista.

I requested an ocean view,

and they certainly gave me one.

The Maldives
is the world's lowest-lying country.

None of its islands are
more than six feet above sea level,

so everywhere you look
is an oceanic wonderland.

Look at this.

Where am I gonna sleep tonight?

'Cause I'm not messing this up.

Although, my wife, Deb,
lays this out for me every night,

so it's nothing special.

The 3,000-square-foot villa

has its own shark-free
infinity plunge pool,

and costs more than $7,000 a night.

Think I'm gonna like it here.

- Hello.
- Hi.

My name is Shofa.
I'm your personal butler.

- May I come in?
- Yes, you... Yes, please.

Thank you.

- My personal butler?
- Are you in...

Yes, I am.

Would you like to share for me
your likes, your dislikes?

A strong dislike is anything in the water.

Yeah.

In wa... You're in Maldives.

- Yes. Yeah.
- We are 99% water.

That's the oddity about this whole thing.

But water sports,
I really can't do any of that.

What's your favorite sport?

Golf.

We don't play in Maldives,
but leave it to me.

Okay.

As much as I could get used to this,

I don't want anyone thinking
it'll go to my head.

The "anything, anytime, anywhere"
is a tough thing for a Canadian,

because, you know what?

We feel that we're being a little pushy.

When you think about it
and think about where you are,

which is in the middle of nowhere,

how can you give somebody
exactly what they want?

I really kind of want to delve into that,

'cause I don't really understand
how that's possible.

Let's start with the basics.

For me, the route to contentment
has always been through my stomach.

So I'm heading to meet
Executive Chef, Edouard,

to find out how he keeps the guests
in seventh heaven.

- Edouard.
- Eugene.

- How are you?
- Good. How are you?

I am excellent.

- We're in the middle of nowhere here...
- Middle of nowhere. Exactly.

- ...and you can get anything you want...
- Anything we want.

- ...food-wise, 24-7.
- Absolutely.

How does it work?

Maldives is very lucky
to be right between Australia,

Singapore, Dubai and Europe.

So that helps us
to get pretty much anything in 24 hours.

What's the most bizarre request
you've ever had?

It was just a simple portion of butter.

Has to come from a particular region
in France

from a particular supplier in France.

- Really?
- In Brittany.

So the request was made
by about 10:00 a.m. on a Saturday,

and on Sunday morning for breakfast,

we managed to get the product
on the island.

Wow.

If I was in your shoes,
I would've said, "Don't think so.

Pushing it. You're pushing it."

That's what we do.

In fact, Edouard positively encourages
his guests to go off menu.

Or as they call it, "unscripted dining".

Now, I've dabbled in improv,

so I'm prepared to completely wing it
in the kitchen.

I'll do a half apron.
Is that what you call it?

- Would this be a half apron?
- Just an apron.

Just an apron. Okay.

So the guest came to us and said,
"Okay, I love onion soup,

but can you make it
a little bit more special?"

For that we're gonna use some brandy
and then black truffle.

We need some cheese.

What cheese do you need?

I need some Gruyère,
some Tête de Moine, and some Parmesan.

As good as done.

This being Kudadoo,
the cheese isn't just in a fridge.

They have an entire cellar
dedicated to it.

And it's got a fragrance
that hits you right in the face.

Wow.

Okay. This is Gruyère, Parmesan

and...

French?

The one thing I forgot to mention
to Edouard is I don't move quickly.

I can't find the Gruyère or the...

I'll take a couple of these.

Some Brie.

You know, it's cheese, right?

I forgot the name
of the French cheese you gave me,

so I picked up some Brie
'cause it's French.

Nice try, Eugene. Right in front of you

- when you get into the cheese room.
- Okay.

- That's much better.
- Is that it?

- Okay. That's perfect.
- All right.

Take some brandy, blow torch.

Okay, this gonna be exciting.

- We're doing okay on time, Edouard?
- I think we need to push.

- Yeah.
- We need to push.

So you're the one dragging us down here.
You're...

I'm doing everything I can.
I can't watch any faster.

And voilà.

The perfect alchemy of caramelized onions,
beef stock, brandy and black truffle,

topped off by a trio
of well-selected cheese.

Oh, my God.

That's the most unique onion soup
I've ever, ever seen.

Personally, I'd prefer a bit more soup
to go with my bread.

But even for me,

"anything, anytime, anywhere"
seems a little excessive.

I wouldn't pick up a phone
at 4:00 in the morning

and order something.

You know, it takes an American to do that.

But it is an interesting philosophy here.

Day one went rather well.

Although, I can't take all the credit.

I did make French onion soup,

survive the seaplane,
and avoided the ocean.

So, on second thought,
I will take all the credit.

Shofa, my butler,

has a day planned tomorrow.

Her excitement and enthusiasm
kind of scares me.

Water we ruled out,

so hopefully I will sleep well

and not lose any sleep
thinking about what might be in store.

Good morning.

Yeah, the morning
has actually been quite incredible.

Have you seen what's in the pool?

Come on.

Look at this.

This is the most amazing breakfast spread
I've ever seen,

and they put it in the pool.

It's an incredible concept,

but I can't get it.

Come to papa!

Oh, my God.

I know what they're trying to do.

First get me in the pool,
then later the Indian Ocean.

But at breakfast,
I'm more of a pants on kind of guy.

"Good morning, Eugene.

In order to make your stay
full of moments of magnificence"...

Magnificence.

"I have come up with
the following island experience.

A sound bath meditation

with yoga therapist, Nandini.

Very best wishes. Your butler, Shofa."

Intriguing.

Thank you.

What's a sound bath? Wanna find out?

Sure. Okay. But you gotta go by boat.

That's how they get you.

It's a little choppy,
and I'm feeling a little seasickness.

I don't really know
exactly where we're going.

But, you know, I'm hoping there's
a considerable amount of land involved.

A sound bath could be like a sauna,

or going in for a shvitz, as they say.

Which I'm not really into.
I don't find that enjoyable.

But whatever it is,
I'll give it my best shot.

Okay, where's the sound bathroom?

Is it in a dungeon?

Oh, my God. This is insane.

Namaste, Mr. Eugene!

Welcome to undersea meditation. How is it?

How is it? It's underwater.

Beautiful fishes.

The Maldives has one of the largest
coral reef systems in the world,

with over 2,000 species of fish.

None of which I'd planned on coming
face-to-face with 20 feet under water.

Wait for my heart
to settle down here a little bit.

This is unbelievable.

Who put this together,
and what are their credentials?

Where does the sound come in?

What exactly is a sound bath?

Our body is contained 65% of water.

The water, it responds to the sound,

so it removes the blockages
from your whole body.

I think it might actually be the blockages
that are holding me together.

Your body is then...
It's ready to take a positive energy.

- Your mind is calm, relaxed, peace.
- It was calm up until I saw that thing,

which doesn't look like a sardine to me.

Breathe in. Start.

- Om.
- Om.

Wow. Amazing.

- I actually just shocked myself.
- You really were super!

Nandini has caught on that I'm an actor.

Pat me on the back enough,
you can convince me to do anything.

This is good.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

It's quite
an exceptionally brilliant concept.

But I kept thinking,
"What if you hear a crack?"

And, you know, "What if there's a leak?"

'Cause you wanna talk about
"dead in the water"?

That would be the definition.

Gently open your eyes.

Slowly.

Are those eels?

It was incredible,
and once you relax in there,

it's quite beautiful to see
what actually goes on underwater.

I did almost fall asleep
in the middle of it.

It doesn't take much for me.

Against all the odds,

Shofa has succeeded in giving me
a close encounter of the maritime kind.

Hello!

Having had, I guess,
all the fun of snorkeling

without so much as getting my feet wet,

I wonder what my butler has planned next.

- It's a big step. Yeah.
- Thank you.

Turns out I'm setting sail
with marine biologist, Jasmine.

Maybe if I'm more informed
about the ocean,

I might actually be able to enjoy it.

Or maybe I'll find out
what you don't know can hurt you.

This is what I call a boat.

Nothing choppy. My stomach is fine.

It's smooth. I'm feeling nothing.

Do you normally do stuff like this?

- I never do anything like this. No.
- Really, nothing?

You have a love of the sea
that I don't share.

- No?
- But I know with me, it's just fear.

- You know? It's fear of drowning...
- Yeah.

...and fear of losing chunks of your body

- to a shark and then drowning.
- To a big shark. Yeah.

What is it about the Maldives
that makes them so unique?

So, Maldives has 5% of the coral reefs
in the whole entire world.

- Well, that's incredible...
- That's a lot, isn't it?

...because if you look at the Maldives
on a map, it's like a speck.

- It's not even on the map sometimes.
- Right.

So that's a lot of coral.

- So much coral...
- Yeah.

...and a quarter of all marine life
in the ocean right now

lives on a coral reef.

So, that's what makes the marine life
so special here.

- Yes.
- And the reef is also

what makes the sand here
so impossibly powdery white.

In fact, only 5% of the world's beaches
are made up of coral like this.

I mean, I have to say,
the ocean, being here,

I mean, it's quite beautiful.

- Right?
- Yes. Yeah.

And then, as if on cue,
the sea gives me a moment

that I don't even think my personal butler
could've planned better.

There. Behind you. You see?

- You see that?
- Oh, yes! We've got some dolphins!

Look down. You see?

- Oh, yes. Yes!
- One. Here.

- Four, five.
- There they are!

- Yeah.
- Yes!

- See them?
- They're jumping.

So, this must be exciting, huh?

Insane. Absolutely incredible experience.

The Maldives are an island paradise,

and you can't have islands without water.

The clue is in the name.

And while it's gonna take
a few more boat rides

for me to earn my sea legs,

I'm ending the day confident
in the knowledge that

not everything in the ocean
is out to get me.

I've taken to this life of luxury like...

Well, a fish that's not out of water.

But I'm a little embarrassed
by the level of indulgence here

and feel the need to explore this country

without a personal butler
catering to my every whim.

Around a half million people
live in the Maldives.

They're scattered across 200 islands,

making it one of the most geographically
dispersed countries in the world.

So, it's no surprise,
other than the staff, I've met no one.

In a very uncharacteristic move,
I'm voluntarily hopping on a boat

to one of the most
populated islands, Naifaru,

to find someone who actually lives here.

- You must be Sandy.
- Hello.

Unsurprisingly, tourism is now
the largest industry on the islands

and accounts for over a quarter
of Maldivian income.

Many of the people who live on Naifaru
work on the neighboring tourist resorts.

But Sandy has recently retired.

Now what is this thing here?

- I'm trying to catch a fish. It's...
- No, I get that.

But w... I'm not sure...

This one was...
My wife used for cleaning the toilet.

I'm reusing it. This is my fishing reel.

Do you wanna try?

Oh, yes, I would... Yeah.

That was a good toss.

- You need to hold on.
- Yes.

Is it nibbling?

I felt something.

But I don't think anything's there now.

Catch a fish?
I think I might be able to achieve that.

I got a nibble.

If I was here long enough.

But nothing's there. Not yet.

And I mean long enough.

Do I have something?

- Nah, nothing.
- Bait.

Like, probably would take years.

That's why I'm not getting a nibble.

That's why I'm not getting a nibble!

I was pulling it out of the water.

Well, there you go.

This area is the crossroads
of the ancient trading routes

between Asia, Africa and the Middle East.

Meaning that the culture is
a real Maldivian melting pot.

So Sandy,
tell me about life in the Maldives.

Everything here is ocean,
so for us, that's the resources.

I call it Kandu Bhanda.

- Kandu, ocean. Bhanda is stomach.
- Yeah.

- From the ocean to your stomach.
- Yeah.

That's a very self-sustaining lifestyle.

Yeah, I mean, when you live in a city,

- you see people with anxiety, stressed.
- Yeah.

Yeah, that's me.

Then you see the ocean,

you are connected
to the universe, you know?

That's where the love, the joy comes.

- This way?
- All the way... You can see the beach.

Fifty years ago,

the Maldives was mostly inhabited
by local people like Sandy.

But since the first resort
opened here in 1972,

tourists have been coming to discover
the island's secrets for themselves.

You just seem to get so much joy
out of life,

so what advice can you give people?

You really need to connect.

Remove your shoes,
feel the sand, go in the water,

feel the wind, taste the salt,

and then I think
you'll forget about anxiety, depression.

So, just learn to connect.

The resorts offer something spectacular,

but spending an afternoon with Sandy

has shown me
the real magic of the Maldives.

I'll take back with me some of your aura.

That kind of makes this trip worthwhile
for me.

It's really a pleasure.

I always love to show others
the beauty of my country.

This is a lovely man.

Thank you.

Sandy, loved the personality,
wish I had it.

To be honest,
I would rather be around Sandy than me.

As I head back to my island,

I can't help but feel
that Sandy's version of the Maldives

is the kind of paradise you simply
can't package into a vacation,

no matter your budget.

Even before I arrived,

Kudadoo had been promising me
wishes fulfilled.

And in the spirit of Sandy,

they've laid on a stripped back experience
that I'm assured won't disappoint.

Is that for me?

I've got to hand it to Shofa.

I've arrived in my own slice
of Levy heaven.

Come on. Is this my dream meal?

Vanilla shake, truffle fries. Has to be...

a cheeseburger.

Oh, my. I love Edouard.

Guess what?

It's the best cheeseburger
I have ever tasted.

Listen, I get it.
I'm a bit of pain in the ass, okay?

When it comes to things like complaining.

It doesn't get much better than this.

Happiest moments of my life?

My marriage,

birth of my son, Daniel,

birth of my daughter, Sarah.

So, this meal and this day
and this place is in good company.

As Sandy says, simple pleasures.

Once upon a time,

I wouldn't have even entertained
the idea of coming here.

Way too much water for my liking.

But I've discovered a spectacular,
utterly unique, natural paradise.

This is one of the most beautiful spots...

I've ever seen.

Despite beginning the journey
as a bona fide land lover,

the Maldives have made me forget myself.

- Eugene.
- Yeah?

You're in the ocean.

I am in the ocean.

Not just any ocean.

The Indian Ocean.

There's really only one thing
that could top this,

and Shofa has kept good on her promise.

"Don't worry.
The golf balls are fully biodegradable

and contain fish food. Enjoy."

This is insane.

Geez, wow.

I'm getting the incredible beauty
of the Maldives.

I came here looking for paradise,

and by golly, I've found it.