The Real L Word (2010–2012): Season 3, Episode 6 - Lost in a Bush - full transcript

Previously on The Real L Word...

Whoo!

Okay, so let's make some
predictions for this trip.

Will Lauren finally wipe the dust
off of her vagina and get laid?

By the end of it, we're gonna need, like,

IVs and oxygen masks.

And it's like, "where
the fuck am I going?"

I wanna dip my head underwater.

This is Sara and I's
third year going together,

and hopefully it'll be our
first year leaving together.

It just seemed like
everybody was a little aggro.



Sara, like, completely ignored me.

Sara, I thought, was a real friend.

Not only does she not have my back,

she has intentions of
making sure that I'm hurt.

I don't give a shit who you slept with.

I don't give a shit who you made out with.

This shit's not fuckin' for me.

I'm not ready to commit,
and I can't give her

what she fully needs.

Mentally, I am not ready
to be with somebody again.

Don't get me into any trouble.

I see Lauren, and I'm like,
"she's very attractive."

[Chuckles]

I don't like Kiyomi.



I think she's a cocky, obnoxious asshole.

Dude, she's so full of shit...
she totally likes this girl

and is being a defensive bitch about it.

Are you guys going to Dinah?

Shut the fuck up.

Jesus, we haven't left
the house for how long?

And now we're gonna go to Dinah Shore?

- I feel old.
- It's, like, 3:00 A.M.

But it's Dinah.

[Love darling's hazy]

♪ It was just the other night ♪

♪ I don't want to think about it ♪

♪ I don't want to start a fight ♪

♪ I don't want to think about it ♪

♪ every time I take
a step, left, right ♪

♪ yeah, I think I'm gonna
sleep real good tonight ♪

♪ just think about it ♪

♪ you'll find a way to make me crazy ♪

♪ hazy ♪

♪ so hypnotized ♪

♪ think of the blue skies, new eyes ♪

♪ and I will never roam again ♪

♪ and I'm back in love again ♪

♪ and I see the stars again ♪

♪ found my way back home again ♪

[Alternative music]

♪ I'm crazy in love,
I'm crazy in love ♪

♪ somebody call the doctor ♪

♪ check me in ♪ this is insane.

♪ This girl has got me crazy ♪

Already, like, in one minute,

I've seen more lesbians than
I have in my entire life.

I think I've changed
my mind about all this.

- No.
- Ready?

- No.
- [Laughs]

Hold on to your hat.

♪ We're dropping bombs ♪

♪ we're here to party
till we see the sun rise ♪

♪ until the sunrise ♪

♪ we're droppin' bombs,
we're droppin' bottles ♪

♪ until the sunlight ♪

Oh, my God.

This is some lesbian shit.

I think it's just like a club,

but... during the day.

And everyone's half-naked.

It was a little bit like walking into

an alternate universe...

where men did not exist.

Uh-huh. [Both laugh]

Neither did clothes.

I felt out of place with my clothes on.

- Mm-hmm.
- [Giggles]

Are you ready to get grinded on?

No.

Do you want to go dance
first or, like, do some shots?

Can I take a picture with you?

- One, two, threesome!
- Hi, baby.

- Thank you.
- It's okay.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Uh... it did work.

I... I lost her at five months.

- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- Yeah. It's...

It's all right.

When a stranger comes up to
you and asks, "how's the baby?"

What do you say? Like, it's just...

it's hard... it's a
hard situation to be in.

It was really nice to meet you too.

Thank you, and good luck.

- Good luck.
- Stay strong.

- Always. Always.
- Thank you so much.

♪ I wish you'd never said it ♪

♪ some days I regret I said ♪

Let's not talk about it because her and I,

like, hanging out, is another...

Well, just so you know, this girl, like,

- lives with her girlfriend.
- Okay, but how do you...

What's your source of information?

I'm curious how you know this.

Because I met this...
these girls in Williamsburg.

- Oh.
- And my friend Magda told me.

Um... Magda told you.

Is she friends with Kiyomi?

Yeah, they were just
with them the other day.

'Cause we've been texting,
like, since I met her.

And she said, "oh, that
thing's, like, sort of done."

- But every girl says that.
- Duh.

It's not like I'm like,
"oh, I believe you."

[Laughs]

I'm a little confused
as to why I'm getting

so much shit about this Kiyomi thing

because Amanda's been doing
anything she wants anyway,

so why does she worry about me right now?

What am I supposed to say?

"So I've heard you're
living with some chick."

That's so dumb.

I think that it's, like, pretty obnoxious

if, like... if it's true, yeah.

- That's horrible.
- You know what I mean?

Like, I just...

If she's living with her girlfriend.

Not on your part, like, on the...

on... on her part it's obnoxious.

But... [Sniffles]

- You know.
- I'll clear it up, I guess.

I don't wanna, like...

I don't know what to say about that.

Are you gonna make out with her today?

I think she's cool. I dig the girl.

- Oh, you dig the girl?
- Yeah, she's...

- All right, we'll see...
- She's pretty rad.

I'd hit it. [Laughter]

No, I wouldn't, but I would watch you.

Go. Supporting. Not.

But, you know, as a friend,

- I'll support whatever...
- "Supporting... not."

Whatever decisions you
make, I'll support you.

- Thank you. Thank you.
- Except...

- Unless they're bad ones.
- Hear that?

♪ I might have my head
in the clouds, clouds ♪

♪ I don't think I'm
ever coming down, down ♪

♪ you give me energy ♪

♪ even when you are away ♪

[Crowd chatter]

Not that I'm not happy to be here,

but it's just like,

I would rather be at the hospital,

exhausted, knowing that,

in a month, we were gonna have a baby.

[Sighs]

I feel it too. It's hard.

This is not where we're supposed to be.

We will get there.

I love you.

I love you too.

Dinah!

Yeah.

I wonder if everybody else

is having this same conversation

- that we're having right now.
- Yeah, right.

I think we are the biggest debs here.

[Laughs]

If we're gonna be surrounded by lesbians,

people are gonna ask, and..

We're gonna drink through it.

That's what we're gonna do.

Just got in the mindset like,

"okay, this is a question
I'm gonna have to answer

repeatedly today, so... let's get drunk."

Let's not fight it.

Let's just try to enjoy the day,

enjoy each other, enjoy this
experience for what it is.

Bottoms up!

How's it taste?

- A little strong.
- Whoo!

That is... that is horrible.

I'm drunk!

Don't let me get naked, okay?

[Laughter]

Well, when we get back to the room,

I can't promise anything.

♪ You got me wrapped up ♪

♪ in a box with a bow on top ♪

♪ you got me iced out, lipstick pout ♪

♪ never let me out ♪

♪ you got me dolled up, minty fresh ♪

♪ always look my best ♪

Dinah, it's not normally my, you know,

bag of tea or whatever.

Cup of tea.

Uh, I don't drink tea.

But Hunter Valentine was
asked to play at Dinah.

For me, that makes it worth it.

You want this, right, baby?

You want it? You want it?

We're ready to blow the fuckin'
bras off of all the lesbians

at the Dinah Shore.

Oh! [Laughter]

Hey!

- Hey! Hi, honey.
- You're here.

- I love you.
- I love you too.

Are you okay?

Maybe if I didn't hit
the stairs to come in...

We were here for literally two seconds.

And this... I mean,
this couple just came in,

and they were like, "oh, how's the baby?"

- Ohh. Fuck, man.
- "Did you have the baby?"

And it was just like...

I'm glad you guys are there, though.

- Yeah.
- To get your mind off of stuff.

Like, honestly. And it's gorgeous.

- It's beautiful out.
- Yeah.

Like you had to go to the date thing,

like how did the date thing go?

And Whitney and Sara and everyone

were watching my face and her face,

and I sat there, just going...

"Oh, we just got punk'd."

I know they're you're
friends, it's just...

the nicest way I can put it
is, they're very bully-ish.

They're just bullies, man.
It's really sad, at that age.

Yeah. Be away from it.

I'm so happy that Cori and Kacy

are here at Dinah because they're normal,

and they're my friends, and I love them.

And it feels, like, safe to have...

just... a good couple... with us.

Yay! Bye.

I love you. Good to see you.

- I will.
- Take care.

[Upbeat music]

[Indistinct chatter]

Ooh. Hello.

I think I just got the chills.

Oh, my God. Oh, babe, babe.

Are you missing out
what's happening right now?

- What?
- She's sucking on my ear.

I don't know why I'm
sucking on Sara's earlobes,

but Dinah fever is in me.

Oh, God. Oh, oh. Yep.

I came. [Laughs]

I can do it to Whitney too.

Do it... get her, get her,
get her, get her, get her.

I might... I might...

Lauren's attractive and sexy.

Hey.

It's all innocent fun.

Huh?

Orgy without Amanda.

I want you.

We love Amanda, and,
like, I'm kind of turned on

by the thought of you
getting it into Amanda.

Sorry. That's why I love her.

We're confident in one another.

There's no jealousy.

- It's Dinah.
- Dinah!

What happens at Dinah stays at Dinah.

Sara, Whitney just said...

Whitney just said we're having an orgy.

- Hold on. Yes, we are.
- Let me...

[Upbeat music]

[Crowd chatter]

How you doin'?

- Good. How are you?
- Good.

- Hi, guys.
- How are you?

Good. How are you?

I'm a couple drinks in.

Feelin' a little loose, a little tipsy.

- 'Cause I'm like...
- Ohh! This?

Oh, my God. Yeah.

I'm in it to win it. [Laughs] Let's go.

So we'll be here for
a little while longer.

Can we talk about how much I love Dinah?

Let's go!

[Alternative music]

♪ ♪

Hunter Valentine was performing,

but I have no idea who
Hunter Valentine is,

and based on the fact
that they are friends

with Lauren and Whitney and Sara,

God knows what they've said about me.

So I really don't feel like walking in

to watch someone perform
that's probably just gonna

think I'm this bitch.

So I just stayed in my room.

Let's just order.

Bet we'll order some food.

Please give it up. [Cheers and applause]

Dinah Shore, ladies!

Let me ask you this:

Who's doing some things you may regret

at Dinah Shore this weekend?

Put your motherfuckin' hands in the air!

Thank you! All right, ladies.

Give it up, drop some
fist pumping right now,

and get a little rock and roll in you.

We have motherfuckin'
Hunter Valentine, ladies!

Give it up!

[Cheers and applause]

Raise your glasses in the air.

It's really nice to meet y'all.

[Electric guitar note]

Let's see you moving on this one, ladies.

[Rock music]

♪ ♪

♪ you said we'd keep
this pact forever ♪

[Cheers and applause]

♪ Like we have believed ♪

♪ you're cursed from the start ♪

♪ you had your hands
inside my pockets ♪

♪ takin' away everything I own ♪

♪ stick around, make it right ♪

♪ I'm giving up, up on this fight ♪

♪ so cut your crap and
play your hand honestly ♪

When I first met Kiyomi, I
thought she was attractive.

But then they go onstage, and they play.

She was so hot.

And then, hearing her voice,

it was like, "wow."

♪ Honestly ♪

♪ stick around, make it right ♪

♪ I'm giving up, up on this fight ♪

I could practically see

Lauren's full-on erection for Kiyomi

just waving in the wind.

By the end of the performance,

she, like, blew her load on her herself.

♪ Honestly ♪

♪ ♪

Thank you so much, you
guys! We're Hunter Valentine.

[Cheers and applause]

Let's fuckin' party.

[Cheers and applause]

♪ You got me going crazed ♪

♪ you got my mind a slave ♪

[Knocking] Hello!

- Hello?
- Hello?

♪ You've got me spinning wild ♪

♪ I'm gonna show you... ♪

Come to... we've come to seek solace.

Come to... hi, honey.

- Come to...
- Now, who's here?

I just want to know
which... is this the Coco?

Is that what we call her? I'm Romi.

Who are you right now?

Who are you?

Watch your breasts.

Oh, Romi, your boobs are
bigger than I thought.

I see Kacy's face, and what I see is like

sober, supportive wife...

and, "I apologize for this one now."

- Aah!
- [Laughing]

- Oh, yeah.
- Watch out.

- She's grabbing boobs!
- Oh, my God!

- She's an animal!
- Like, oh, my God!

- Whoo!
- Aah!

[Laughter]

She's making you a bottom, baby.

- So much for that top dog.
- I know.

When Cori gets a little tipsy,

she has an alter ego.

And Romi gets introduced to partial Coco.

- Coco at...
- Yeah, I think...

Coco at dusk.

Kelsey got bent over,

Coco-style.

It's happened to all of us.

She doesn't really know you

unless she's bent you over
and smacked you on your ass.

[Whispering] So stupid.

So you're enjoying your Dinah, crazy girl.

Romiaah!

- You looked light.
- Yeah.

For the first time in a long time,

you just looked light.

I think it was the
first time in a long time

that I wasn't battling sadness.

I just let it all go, had some drinks.

Mm. That's good.

That's exactly, I think, what you needed.

There are some drunk bitches out there.

♪ Hey, I got my drink on ♪

♪ I'm doing what I please ♪

♪ tonight we're going big ♪

♪ as we light up the street ♪

Wait, so tomorrow, you
guys don't have any like...

- No.
- Shit to play.

- You're allowed to like...
- No, now, I'm...

- You're free.
- I'm... about to get...

You're about to get fucked up.

Kiyomi just makes me feel
good when I'm around her.

I like hanging out with her.

But it's starting to freak me out

that Amanda said Kiyomi's living
with this girl in New York.

That's not okay.

I would never get involved with someone

that has a girl back home
that she's living with.

I just don't wanna...

I don't have a girlfriend.

All right, just tell me...

what is the deal with that?

Sit down.

Okay, so you want me to tell
you just like... right like this?

Yep.

Um, so I... been dating this girl.

- Right.
- Like, non-monogamous.

Like, she did... but she
not hap... doesn't like that.

My friend was like, "don't do that"

" 'cause she has, like, a
girlfriend she's living with."

- And I'm like, it's not...
- Your friend, you mean Amanda?

Yes. Obviously.

Uh, we went on... we went
to make a record in Canada.

So I, like, rented out my apartment.

And then there was, like,
a week where I came back...

- Yeah.
- And I stayed with her.

Uh-huh.

So if that's living with my girlfriend...

- Oh, I get it.
- Then... I'm not a...

I'm not trying to... I'm
not a manipulator or a liar.

No, no, no. I, like, it's just...

if anything was gonna happen between us,

I would not want to do anything

if you had a girlfriend, obviously.

Maybe we should just be,
like, best friends forever.

- What do you think?
- Totally.

Cheers. [Both laugh]

Do you want to get,
like, matching necklaces?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

I don't know.

You wanna go over there for a minute?

Stop it. You're bad.

- I'm bad?
- You're...

"Do you wanna go over there for a minute?"

- Really?
- I'm serious, yeah.

- Where?
- I don't know.

- Somewhere?
- Away.

- All right. Yeah, I do.
- Okay. Let's go.

I feel like I should
put on clothes, but...

I don't have any clothes.

I'm okay with that.

I think it's okay.

If we go...

- that way?
- Okay.

All of a sudden, I, like, turn around,

and Lauren and Kiyomi are, like, gone.

So either they're fucking in the bathroom,

or they're, like, staring
at each other's eyes,

or they're, like, lost
in the bush somewhere.

I was like, "all right."

So... you go one way, I'll go another,

and then we'll just never
see each other again.

- That sounds great.
- Yeah, sounds good, right?

- No.
- I'm in. No?

[Chuckles]

No, I'm being honest.

It doesn't sound good at all.

[Both laughing]

[Kissing]

[Both laugh]

I'm not. It's already done.

[Both laughing]

Silly goose. What were you doing?

Just kissing.

On the grass.

On the grass?

Oh. That's sweet.

It was very sweet.

So I'm probably just another
fuckin' notch on her belt.

I don't care.

She's a nice girl.

[Laughs]

Cheers.

Dude.

What?

I can't hang out with that girl anymore.

- Why?
- Because.

I got a crush on her.

- That's fine.
- No, it's not okay.

Why?

Because I don't want to like anybody.

You can't control what you like.

Or who you like.

Kiyomi and Lauren just met,

and she seems to be really, really happy.

She's not like the way she is with Ali.

Kiyomi's laughing at a higher pitch.

She, you know, always looks in the mirror,

but I think she's looking
at it, like, five times more.

So you know that Kiyomi
really likes Lauren.

I think it's actually awesome
that you have a crush...

on Lauren.

I think I'm, like...
I'm, like, ready for me

to have a crush on somebody

and for somebody to just be like, "fuck."

I'm ready to chase some lady around

like I'm a fuckin' 12-year-old little boy.

Let's just go outside.

♪ I'm underneath the stars,
I wonder where you are ♪

- ♪ I wonder where... ♪
- So is she going tonight?

- Yeah.
- This is the fucking opposite

of how I expected Dinah to go.

Lauren has been giving me shit

about seeing girls and, like, dating them

or of anything more than just hooking up

with them since I got here.

And talking about Dinah and how

this is our single girls weekend.

And now, all of a sudden,
you're gonna go wife up.

Like, what?

You might get in on that action.

Please, I would rather lop off my vagina.

So we're getting ready
for the White Party.

The White Party is the mecca.

This is the biggest party at Dinah.

Like, if you're going to Dinah,

you will be at the White Party.

Oh, yeah.

Let's see the tighty whities.

[Giggles]

You look really cute.

I look like a fuckin' guy
on a Neil Diamond tour.

Do you want to wear black pants?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, I like those better.

♪ Like every heart you've broken ♪

♪ every heart you've broken ♪

[Indistinct chatter]

♪ Please take my picture ♪

♪ and make me work it out ♪

♪ please take my picture ♪

♪ and make me work it out ♪

♪ please take my picture ♪

♪ and make me work it out ♪

♪ please ♪ that's it, right there.

♪ Take my picture ♪

♪ ooh ♪

♪ you keep on flashin' away ♪

This is my first red
carpet at Dinah Shore.

I put so much time and
energy and love and passion

into Hunter Valentine,

and I think that's a cool part of our job.

- Right here, please.
- Give me that smile right here.

- Look up here.
- One more here.

Okay, one side here.

All the tension from tour and the fighting
and everything just sort of dissipated.

And we're in palm Springs,
and we played this cool show,

and we're on the red carpet,
getting our picture taken,

it's fun when things
come together like that

as a band, and we're just kind of like,

doing these new, exciting things together.

Right here, your eyes here.

Give me those eyes right here.

You guys.

What's going on?

You guys, this way.

Whitney.

That way.

Oh, lookit.

Oh! What do you know?

It's like West Side Story.

I was... it is like the West Side Story.

She's like, "Romi looks really bitchy."

That's exactly what I said
when we walked past them.

I'm like, "that was like
the West Side Story."

She's a bitch.

She's a piece of shit human being.

- Really?
- Yeah.

We walk into the White Party.

We have, like, a crew of people with us.

And, of course, the first
person we see is Romi.

I don't want to deal with drama.

Like, I don't want to see people

that I don't want to
normally see in general.

Why am I gonna surround
myself with people that suck?

- She seems really fake.
- She's shockingly fake.

She's possibly one of the
fakest people you'll ever meet.

Every time I'm around them,

all I'm just praying for is that

they just keep on walking.

I don't want to be, like,

bullied at or attacked.

But... I'm always gonna show up,

whether they're there or not.

I'm gonna hold my head up high.

Kelsey and I are having fun

for one of the first times,
like, completely sober together.

♪ Music, take me up ♪

♪ save me, you can save me ♪

♪ music, take me up ♪

♪ 'cause you can save me ♪

♪ you can save me ♪

♪ you can save me ♪

♪ I can't believe
the turn we've taken ♪

♪ out on the street,
out on the subway ♪

♪ take me up ♪

♪ let the music take me higher ♪

♪ and I know everything... ♪

This is the first time
that we were ever out, like,

- dancing sober together.
- I know, it was fun.

I had the most fun with you

in that, like, 20-minute span of dancing

and seeing you have so much fun.

- I know!
- Not a damn drink.

I'm actually surprised myself.

I had so much fun.

- How do we get home, baby?
- Home, baby.

- How?
- Home is where the heart is.

♪ I want it hard, I'm trippin' ♪

♪ there's one thing
on my mind tonight ♪

♪ and you ain't gettin' away ♪

♪ no zippin' ♪

I don't know.

You make some cute faces.

- I make ridiculous faces.
- They're cute.

This is like a full-on
Dinah Shore romance.

- Whoa!
- It is. Whoa.

- Whoa.
- It is.

Whoever thought fuckin' Dinah Shore...

I'm not jealous of Kiyomi.

I just want, like, some time with Lauren

that she doesn't have, like,
her head up Kiyomi's asshole.

Kiyomi, like, swooped in.

There's something off about
her, and I don't know what it is.

But did you... you didn't say that to her.

No.

[Indistinct chatter]

I can't really shake the fact

that Amanda accused me of having
a girlfriend that I lived with.

So I feel like it's important for me

to call her out on that
in order to clear the air.

I can just tell that you
are a fucker when you...

I can just tell that you're a dick.

We need to just be friends.

I'm not gonna cave in to you being a dick.

All right, well...

You think that I'm an asshole.

Let's just both keep it on
an equal, level playing field.

Okay? All right.

You're already not gonna do it.

I can tell.

I don't... why?

Your eyes.

Nobody calls me on my shit.

Like, dude, if you do like my friend,

I'm the last person you wanna fight with.

Like, come on.

You do not want me to not like you.

It's like... you're not gonna win.

Lauren's an adult,

and so we can't protect her.

She just has to fuckin' figure
it out, you know what I mean?

I don't know. She seems a little sketchy.

She just seems like... this just like...

came out of nowhere.

She has this girlfriend, "ex-girlfriend"

who the fuck knows what's going on?

And all of a sudden, my best friend,

who has wanted to play
the single card forever,

is, like, into this girl who doesn't
even have, like, a clean slate.

And apparently I've already
had an argument with her?

I mean, no, I'm not sold on her.

- Where are they?
- Where are they?

They're, like, making
out in a corner right now.

I know. They're probably...

Let's just go ahead and just go, let's go.

I don't know where she is.

All right.

♪ You would come ♪

♪ not pretending you were there ♪

♪ I pull the string ♪

♪ for you to catch my love ♪

♪ catch my love ♪

♪ catch my love ♪

♪ catch my love ♪

♪ your sense is overwhelming ♪

♪ I'm not the only one ♪

♪ that girl is made of sad fun ♪

♪ I'll be your voodoo doll ♪

♪ not pretending ♪

♪ you were there ♪

♪ I pull the string ♪

[Chuckles]

I knew that you were trouble.

[Laughs]

I'm so not trouble.

Yeah, I said that to you the first
time that I met you in New York.

- [Giggles]
- I was like, "you're trouble."

And I got up and left.

Do you remember that?

[Laughing] Yeah.

I knew right away that she
was going to steal my heart.

Like, immediately.

And that's trouble for me.

That's trouble for a
person who's constantly

trying to keep it protected
and not give it away to anybody.

I know that I have
feelings for her already,

and it makes me nervous.

I'm ready to go...

eat something, you know? [Phone chimes]

All right. Carry me.

[Laughs]

[Phone chimes]

Ugh.

[Thud]

She's gonna be there tomorrow.

Ohh... fun times.

Ali is flying in to Los Angeles

for The Real L Word publicity
photo shoot tomorrow.

I have a lot of anxiety over the fact

that I have to go to this photo shoot

knowing that Ali and Lauren are
going to be in the same place

because I'm not going to be able
to hide these feelings for Lauren.

♪ I'm no longer wasting time ♪

♪ today ♪

♪ I won't run away ♪

♪ I played the fool ♪

♪ I'm over it, honey ♪

♪ I've been around the game ♪

- Good morning, sunshine.
- Good morning.

I'm dressed... it's like
White Party in my bed.

[Laughs]

Ali's texting me this morning a lot.

- Oh, my God.
- And I feel...

Weird.

I haven't spoken to her this whole time.

Fuck.

I feel like it's over.

She's so difficult, and she
recognizes that she's so difficult.

I told her I don't think we're...

either one us are good for each other.

That's what I told her.

Yeah, I think there
should be more closure.

This thing with Ali and I
eds to officially be done.

You know, she's used to us fighting

and then getting back
together and making up.

And I know in my heart that it's
not going to happen this time

and that it's over for good.

♪ And the distance that's in between ♪

♪ will what we were remain? ♪

♪ ♪

♪ and how can I... ♪

- Yeah.
- Hi, lesbians.

This is the real Dinah Shore.

This is why you come
to Palm Springs, right?

Let's tee it up.

- A golf tournament. Yes.
- To play golf?

What most people don't
know is that Dinah Shore

actually has nothing to do with lesbians.

She actually wasn't even a lesbian.

- She wasn't a lesbian.
- She wasn't?

- No.
- No.

Lesbians just happen to love golf.

Dinah shore is actually a golf tournament.

It has nothing to do with
lesbians or drinking by a pool.

It does now.

Let the foursome begin.

That's what I was saying, like...

Then I have done everything once.

- Yes.
- We had a foursome

with Kacy and Cori in Palm Springs.

- Lucky.
- And it was hot.

Let's stroke some shit.

Uhh!

Nice. [Gasps] That was sexy.

Nice shot.

Nice job.

But I can't hit the ball.

- Come on!
- Ohh!

All right.

- Tap that ass.
- Tap it in.

Tap that ass.

Too hard.

No.

I suck. I'm awful.

I don't even care, though.

I'm so, like, turned on by Kelsey golfing

that I don't even care what I'm doing.

I'm just hit... I just
like hitting the balls.

I'm your cheerleader.

Fantastic.

I don't what you did,
but that looked good.

That was hot.

I love hanging out with Cori and Kacy.

- They're sweethearts.
- We love... they're sweet.

They're good people, and I think it's nice

to have couples around
us that are married.

I mean, we'd love to be married like that

and start a family one day.

I want to be married more than anything.

Finally, I had a good one.

High five.

The unfortunate thing is this
is on par with my actual driving.

- Where am I going?
- Wait, wait, wait!

Don't drive on that green part.

- No, no, no!
- That way! That way! That way!

Turn all the way around.

[Screaming]

- That was fun.
- It was fun.

I'm glad we did this. Thank you.

That was a great game, yeah.

It's a nice way to end Dinah.

- It is.
- Nice little game of golf.

- Good friends.
- Mm-hmm.

And not having to go
back to that pool party.

Definitely ready to go home.

[Party chatter]

I gotta go though.

See you girls later.

We're gotta go that way.

All right. We're going.

We're gonna go.

We're going to my room. Let's go.

So it's the last day of Dinah,

and things are winding down.

It's a bittersweet moment.

I'm really happy that I met Lauren,

but I'm, like, sad to
pull myself away from her,

and I can't really seem
to do it at this point.

Do you like... rough?

Sex?

You like...

What do you mean?

Tell me.

Um...

Yeah, neither was I... at all.

I think this might be a little
more than just Dinah fun.

I feel like there's something there.

We should probably just
part ways right now.

[Laughs]

Okay.

Okay?

Okay. Bye.

Okay, bye. [Laughs]

[All cheer]

- Party time, fuckers.
- Yay!

[All giggling]

Oh, my God.

[Laughing]

I feel like Lauren and
I are having a moment,

and then all of her
friends crash the party

and pretty much kill the mood.

- Like, there's...
- There's ass everywhere!

Ass, ass, ass.

- Got it.
- ♪ I'm not in love with you ♪

♪ but I'm in love
with the way you move ♪

[Squeals]

[Laughter]

[Laughing]

It's Dinah. I'm intoxicated.

Whitney and Sara making out is pretty hot,

so I'm gonna jump in.

♪ In the night, I walk
right past the light ♪

♪ and inside ♪

♪ under the flashing lights ♪

♪ I saw you ♪

♪ and wanted to ♪

♪ make my move ♪

♪ so I pushed right through ♪

♪ to dance with you and sweat ♪

♪ just a little bit,
just a little bit ♪

[Giggles]

Just do it.

Lauren is hot. Whitney is hot.

You put them together...

and it could be a sexy explosion.

Just saying. It was hot.

♪ I'm not in love with you ♪

♪ but I'm in love
with the way you move ♪

♪ the way you move ♪

Um...

- [Laughing]
- What the fuck?

Okay, guys. We got ice.

So Amanda and Kiyomi walk in,

and I'm kissing Whitney and
Sara, and all of a sudden,

drunk girl wakes up like,
"whoa, what's going on?

"Who? Where? Who am I?

Where am I, you guys? I have no idea."

It's fine. I'm gonna go have a cigarette.

And maybe lend you one too.

I'm gonna have a drink.

Crazy shit happens at Dinah Shore.

It was a little strange
to walk into that scene.

I just don't really wanna be involved

in some weird lesbian love triangle.

What the fuck?

What are you freaked out about?

It's your fucking fault.

No, it's not my fault.

Okay.

I mean, the make-out is
totally not a big deal,

but if you're walking
into a room with a girl

that you're just starting
to hook up with and a couple,

what's gonna happen here?

Like, are they about to, like, do,

like, a triple scissor next or something?

Like, what would that look like?

[Laughing] It's like double trouble.

[Laughs]

I feel like I need to go
get regrouped with my people.

- ♪ Somebody is jealous ♪
- Lesbians playing tennis.

Somebody's jealous.

You guys are annoying right now.

[Laughs] You're so annoying.

- Are you a jealous person?
- I'm...

A jeal... ah, you're annoying.

You're annoying me right now.

It kind of showed me that she maybe

cared a little bit more
than I thought she did.

And I was just having, like,

fun Dinah times, and it
sort of made me think,

"okay, maybe I need to
reel in a little bit.

This might be going farther than I think."

- [Snickers]
- I'm not upset.

I'm just kind of, like, weirded out,

and I'm not really sure what's happening.

So I think the best thing
for me is to just leave.

Bye.

[Upbeat music]

♪ ♪

♪ bang, bang, I hear
you bang on a bowl ♪

♪ about 8:00 every night ♪

♪ 5, 6, 7, 8 ♪

- ♪ bang, bang ♪
- We'll see you in the morning.

- 7:00 A.M.
- Oh, my God.

- For the shoot.
- Let's go walk to the front.

I'm so over the whole weekend.

I'm over all of Dinah Shore
and, like, all the girls

just being so horrendous,

and right when I think it's over,

I have to go and meet all of them

for The Real L Word photo
shoot in L.A. tomorrow.

Let's get out of here.

Good-bye, Dinah.

I have to do a publicity photo shoot
with all the girls from the cast,

and I'm absolutely dreading it.

♪ And do it all over again ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ring-a-ling ♪

- You sad to go, baby?
- No.

- It was nice to get away.
- I'm ready to go.

So much shit.

All right, I'm gonna just start

bringing some shit out, okay?

Okay.

♪ ♪

I'm tired.

I know, I see.

- Bye.
- Bye, room.

♪ Feel all right, and then you stop ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I said stop ♪

I'm so exhausted.

I feel like I'm gonna cry right now.

Why? What's wrong with you?

No, I'm just tired.

Just really tired.

Okay, cool lesbian festival, day three.

I wanna go to sleep.

My liver is... my liver
wants to murder me.

My eyes are, like, slowly
clothing... closing,

and if I, like, see another
lesbian, I'm gonna freak out.

[Cell phone chimes]

Photo shoot tomorrow
should be interesting.

Yeah. How's that gonna go down?

I know.

Have you, like, even brought it up?

Who?

Have you brought it up to Kiyomi?

Like, how's that gonna happen

like, isn't her girl from
New York gonna be there?

It would be a little awkward,

but I'm just gonna try
to not think about it.

I mean, the whole day is
gonna be so busy and crazy

that I'm really not gonna
be worrying about this...

what this girl's doing, you know.

Kiyomi told me Ali's
flying in from New York,

and I'm feeling a little
sad 'cause I like Kiyomi.

And I don't wanna be
in this situation at all

between two people all...
that are ending their thing.

Thank you.

♪ Wake me, 'cause I'm
the one you're after ♪

♪ show me, just stay ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I've been waiting
for you in my dreams ♪

♪ to come and break this spell ♪

♪ 100 years of silent days ♪

♪ this castle I have dwelled ♪

♪ my prince, you've realized ♪

♪ I am only looking for your love ♪

It was good. It was good.

This is the first time that
I've seen Ali since New York,

since Dinah Shore, since
Lauren, and it's pretty awkward.

♪ Live happily ever after ♪

♪ like they do in fairy tales ♪

♪ wake me, 'cause I'm
the one you're after ♪

♪ show me true love's really there ♪

♪ let's live happily ever after ♪

♪ take me far away from here ♪

♪ wake me, 'cause I'm
the one you're after ♪

I'm feeling uncomfortable,

but I'm trying to be respectful

of them finishing whatever
they had, you know,

and just trying to stay back

'cause I don't wanna make anyone feel bad

or cause any unneeded drama.

It's just one day.

♪ Come to me, fulfill my dreams ♪

♪ and bring me back to life ♪

♪ our journeys end in lovers meeting ♪

♪ but this world's only beginning ♪

♪ come my way and
promise you'll stay ♪

♪ let's live happily ever after ♪

♪ like they do in fairy tales ♪

♪ wake me, 'cause I'm
the one you're after ♪

♪ show me true love's really there ♪

[Beep]

♪ Let's live happily ever after ♪

♪ take me far away from here ♪

♪ wake me, 'cause I'm
the one you're after ♪

I'm, like, text battling with Ali,

and I can tell that Ali's
trying to, like, jab at me

and poke at me to start,
you know, our classic

Kiyomi-Ali fighting, and
I refuse to do it here.

♪ Never could've asked
for more than that ♪

♪ you know what they say ♪

♪ that true love is blind ♪

♪ make no mistake,
we're destined to be ♪

Yeah.

You didn't miss much at the Dinah Shore.

- I'm Ali, by the way.
- Hi. Lauren.

Both: Nice to meet you.

Ali has no clue about everything
that happened at Dinah Shore.

It's awful when, like,

the whole world knows
something, and it's obvious,

and you're sitting there
like a fucking idiot,

like, not knowing, like...
it's a horrible feeling.

♪ Like they do in fairy tales ♪

♪ wake me, 'cause I'm
the one you're after ♪

♪ show me true love's really there ♪

Amanda, you love me in this.

I might bend you over.

I mean, you know...

- I'm gonna get it in.
- Like, okay, lady.

- Hey.
- [Laughs]

Dinah was just a really big eye-opener.

Lauren and Amanda and Whitney and Sara

really wanted to make it
very clear that I knew that,

you know, they were
friends and that they were,

like, the cool kids.

You know, they let me know my place,

and it really confirmed
that these are not people

I want in my life.

Here we go.

And... action.

♪ Every time I hold the fire ♪

♪ closed circuits and open wires ♪

♪ touch water, gonna catch on fire ♪

♪ quickly, 'cause it's comin' ♪

I miss my friendship with Sara and Whit.

I'm looking at people
that I was very close to,

and I'm realizing that was a
chapter in my life that just ended.

♪ Everything about me ♪

♪ everything about her ♪

♪ everything about, everything about ♪

♪ everything about me ♪

When I think about
everything we went through,

it's just sad that it
ended like this, so...

♪ Everything about,
everything about her ♪

♪ she got me twined up,
she got me wined up ♪

♪ she got me transformed... ♪

- Did they see you cry?
- No.

Good.

I know.

Tilt your head back. Sorry.

I think we need to give you a group hug.

I think you need to, like, go
over there and just do your thing.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

- Just...
- It's just them, though.

I got to get out there, though.

This is just them, though.

I see Romi crying,

and that strikes a chord in me

because Romi and I used to be so close.

And I feel like, you know,
we both miss each other

very much, and I don't
want to be in high school.

I don't want to have drama with anybody.

Whether or not you like me or I like you

doesn't mean that it has
to be the way that it is.

So I think it's time to clear the air.

- Okay. Good to go?
- Yeah, you're good.

- Great?
- You're great.

Thank you so much. Thank you.

Here we go. Rolling.

"No."

This is... this is
really fuckin' annoying.

I actually noticed that
Ali was poking her head

through the door,

and I'm sure she saw a lot of things

that she didn't want
to see, and, you know,

I don't want to hurt her.

I really don't, and I
feel like we've already

hurt each other enough, and
it's time for it to be over.

When I took a step away,

I just had all this anxiety
going, like... and...

and I realize that, like, we are not...

compatible, and, like,

you know, a huge part of
it has to do with the fact

that we fight all the time.

Don't forget about that.
I don't want that for you.

I'm just t... I'm t...

I think that...

you're fooling yourself a little bit,

and I think that you know that you are.

I know, but it's not...
it wasn't all good,

like fighting as much
as we do is not helping.

This is not fucking good for me, like...

and it's not fair for you either.

It's taken so much out of me, so much.

♪ The more time that passes by ♪

♪ the more and more it feels like ♪

♪ it was all just a dream ♪

♪ I tried to save my memories ♪

♪ but every time I fall asleep ♪

Anybody wanna go again?

All: No!

- Shut it down.
- All right.

[Cheers and applause]

♪ You and I ♪

♪ we took a shortcut ♪

♪ into the sun ♪

♪ we took a ride, forgot everyone ♪

♪ ♪

Hi.

- Hi.
- How's it going?

Good. How are you?

Romi and I have a lot of history together.

Obviously, things have gone in
a horrible direction between us,

and I decided to be the bigger person

and to put away, you know,
whatever ego that I had

to actually pick up the phone, call her,

and see if we could just
sit down and talk about it.

What did you want to talk about?

Um... I know we're, like,

in the same, like, vicinity of people,

and so we run into each other and,

you know, obviously I wish
that we could still have

the friendship that we once had,

but I don't think that you're
the person that you were

the time that I met you.

And I feel the same way about you.

At the end of the day,

what it really came
down to with me with you

is that last year, when everyone hated you

and you were pulling
shady shit on Whitney...

- How was I pulling shady shit?
- With Erica...

- Because last I checked...
- Just hear me out.

No, 'cause you weren't actually

- there for me during that time at all.
- Actually, I did call you the next day.

I was the only person who called you.

You were sitting there and so was I,

- and you never once came to me.
- And I said to you,

"whether you did something
or you didn't do it,

that's not the point... that's
not why I'm calling you."

I called you because I loved you,

and I called you 'cause
you and me always said,

regardless if you fucked
up or you fucked up,

it wasn't about calling fingers,

it was that we were gonna
be there for each other.

- Of course. Yeah, totally.
- And I've done that.

No, you were not there for
me, though, is the thing.

You weren't. No, you weren't. I'm sorry.

- Aside from what you think.
- Then why did you call me here?

What are you calling me here for, though?

I want you to think about how many

long lasting relationships
that you have with friends.

Think about that.

I have a lot of friends,
Sara, that you and Whitney...

- You do? Really?
- Don't know about.

Because I've been in your life now,

and I've seen them come and go.

- You too!
- Within businesses...

- You too.
- Friendships.

And they've all gone.

The common denominator here is you.

- Okay.
- Okay? Yes.

Did you call me here to tell me this?

I don't know what her
goal is right now with me.

I know that she's hurtful and she's mean.

You didn't call me to work anything out,

and I knew that.

So I don't wanna sit here and be called

to a lunch, so I can be attacked.

I don't want to attack you, okay?

That's not why I'm here. Okay?

I was a really good friend
to you, I was loyal to you,

- I was honest with you, okay?
- Oh, my God.

Really? I wasn't? 'Cause
you used to call me

every day and tell me
I was your best friend.

- So did you!
- Yeah.

I thought you were my best friend.

When you were fucking
around and doing everything,

and Julie and Whit, and you had nobody...

When you moved here, and you know what?

- Who was I fucking around...
- What does that have to do anything?

I was your friend too...
because it's both ways, Sara.

Oh, my God, you are out of your mind.

- I was there for you...
- You know, listen.

- And you were there for me.
- No, babe.

Our friendship fell out.

Sara wants to pull the card
that I was a shady friend

when Sara was fucking everyone in sight

while she dated Whitney,
and I never told Whitney,

and I never said anything.

I don't feel like I have
any... I've done anything wrong.

This is what I want from
this, can you listen to me?

- Please, please.
- Okay.

This is what I want.

I don't want to see you and
it to be weird between us.

It's not weird, Sara. We see each other.

You do your stuff, I do my stuff.

- Yeah.
- That's what it is.

Like, I'm coming here
because, like, I want us to,

like, really talk about
the whole situation.

You have a wall up,
and you're being, like,

aggressive, and you're being rude to me.

Listen, I was driving around Sara.

You called me and said you wanted to talk.

Can you listen to me? Can I talk to you?

What did you ask me to come here for?

- Why do you have get aggro?
- Just tell me.

Why do you have to get aggressive?

'Cause I didn't come here to do this!

What is your problem you have,
like, a chip on your shoulder, dude.

I'm just trying to have
a conversation with you.

Can you relax? What do you want to say?

- What are you so upset about?
- What do you want to say?

- Why are you so upset?
- Just... Sara, please.

- Can you just relax?
- No, so if she asks me...

- I'm not finishing this.
- Then I wanna know what I'm talking about.

I'm, like, pissed about this, really.

Honestly, I fucking am.

Because I had so much invested

into that relationship with Romi,

I really loved her.

You know, I always thought
that maybe there would be a time

where we can put everything
aside and be friends.

So, actually, sitting with her
was really, like, eye-opening,

you know, like there
really is no turning back,

and we will never be friends again.

We can just never go there.

[Sighs] Over it.

I'm disgusted by her.

I'm incredibly hurt by
her, more than anything.

She's consumed in herself right now.

You don't treat people
like that and get ahead.

It will hit you in the
ass. Karma is a bitch.

♪ So have you written me
off, just written me off ♪

♪ again ♪

♪ ♪

♪ quit using me ♪

♪ so you can get your last fix in ♪

♪ so have you cut me off ♪

All right. Are we ready?

Yep.

Ready.

Um...

- I'll see you downstairs.
- Okay.

- Wait for me in the car.
- Is that our...

Is that our cue to meet
you guys downstairs?

- Yeah. Sorry.
- Okay.

- See ya.
- All right.

It's weird saying bye to Kiyomi today

because so much has happened.

We've spent so much time together.

We really like being around each other,

and we have a really good time,

and we just feel comfortable together.

And it's... so weird because
I... I don't really...

before, I didn't even want
to be near someone and...

it's like...

I want to just be around her.

And we're not exiting quickly enough.

[Laughter]

[Door closes]

It was fun hanging out with you.

Yeah, it was awesome.

We both have our own
lives to get back into.

Uh-huh.

So...

Dinah Shore is not reality.

It's going to take a minute
for me to normalize things

in my life, I think, but, yeah.

I just want to get back
to New York and, like,

focus on me for a minute, you know.

Yeah.

♪ Turn up your stereo ♪

♪ and sing this one with me ♪

♪ do you believe in fate ♪

♪ even a little bit? ♪

♪ 'cause this was meant to be ♪

[Sighs] Okay.

I don't want to miss my flight.

Yeah.

- ♪ Written just for you ♪
- Bye.

Bye.

♪ This is a song of love ♪

This Dinah Shore trip-L.A. trip

has been really good for me.

I feel like a lot of weight has
been lifted off my shoulders.

Now that I've let go of
my relationship with Ali,

I feel like can have a clean slate

and have fun again and enjoy life again.