The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 8, Episode 1 - Don't Cry Over Spilled Wine - full transcript
In the eighth season opener, Kyle and Lisa Vanderpump charter a private jet to take the ladies to Las Vegas for a group birthday celebration, but the question of whether Lisa Rinna will ...
This season on
This season on
"The Real Housewives
of Beverly Hills"...
- ♪ I'm the star of the show ♪
- Go, girl.
- Turn it off!
- ♪ That's right ♪
- Enjoying the fruits
of Beverly Hills
is absolutely essential.
I'm just sticking my face
in the caviar.
- I swear to God I'm sexually
aroused right now.
- I told you! It's so much fun!
- You must have heels.
You must have jewelry.
You must have a little dog.
- Oh, my God, Lisa.
- And you mustn't have
a baggy face.
There's no Botox.
I need to get that fixed.
- Yay!
- Let's have
our New York City moment.
[cheers and applause]
- Gorgeous!
- Give us all 5,000.
I won!
- Oh, my God, Tokyo.
All: Hi!
- It's a little slimy.
- Look at you. You're on
the flipping building.
- I would love if you all
would accompany me to Berlin.
[cheering]
- What's going on?
- [grunts]
[cheering]
- Honey, this is my pack.
There they go.
[barking]
- Watch your teeth.
- You people are crazy.
- I'm being an asshole.
- Some of these women make it
very hard to just feel at ease.
- You are psycho.
- I'm not gonna back down
when I know I'm right.
- You didn't like that it
wasn't about you for a minute.
- Don't (BLEEP) with me like
that. You don't want that.
You have to cut the head
off the devil.
- I would never ever
(BLEEP) you over
and I feel (BLEEP)ed over.
- This whole thing boils down
to three bitches
that are competitive
over friendship.
- I'm going home to my husband
who would rather spend time
with me tonight than you would.
[engine revs]
[upbeat music]
- In this town,
fame and money come and go,
but friends should not.
♪ ♪
- Some people call me cold.
But that's not ice...
It's diamonds.
♪ ♪
- I believe in
excess of everything,
except moderation.
♪ ♪
- Having the best
isn't important to me,
but being my best is.
♪ ♪
- I don't have to buy it,
'cause I already own it.
♪ ♪
- The queen of diamonds
always has an ace up her sleeve.
♪ ♪
- ♪ I'm coming back stronger,
oh, oh ♪
- Coming with me
to work today, River?
- ♪ I'm coming back stronger,
oh, oh ♪
♪ ♪
- Where the (BLEEP)
is the sugar?
- Now, let me make you
look sexy.
Come on, you need to
look your best.
- I'm leaving!
- ♪ I'm coming back stronger,
oh, oh ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I'm coming back stronger,
oh, oh ♪
- Call Harry Hamlin.
[phone chimes] - Calling...
[line beeps] Hamlin.
- ♪ Well, I'm coming back
stronger ♪
[cell phone rings]
- Good morning.
- How are you?
- You know, the uzh.
How was the studio last night?
You never called me after.
- Well, I have to
tell you something.
They have created a ballad,
and I think you're
really gonna like it.
It is titled "Missing Piece."
I say yes to everything.
So you want to write a book?
Let's write a (BLEEP)ing book.
You wanna do
"Dancing with the Stars"?
Do "Dancing with the Stars"
right here and now.
Let's make some more music,
let's make it today.
Everything is today,
nothing is tomorrow.
- I'll see you in a few hours.
- Okay. Sounds good.
Talk to you later. Bye-bye.
You're given opportunity
once in your lifetime.
So you really have to take
this moment
and make the most of it.
[upbeat music]
Because this moment is fleeting.
This moment is incredible,
given to very few.
So I'm gonna maximize
my mother(BLEEP)ing time.
[engine revs]
♪ ♪
Listen, I'm sorry I'm
running late. I apologize.
I'm, like, kind of
stuck in traffic.
- It's all good.
Totally understand.
You drive careful. I'll see
you when you get here.
It's all good.
- I would have never thought
that at this time in my life,
in my mid-40s, that I
would be where I am now.
Are you kidding me?
I got parodied on "SNL."
I remember, like, I was like,
"Tom! Tom! Tom!
Wake up! Wake up!"
He's like, "What? What?" You
know, like, "What's going on?"
♪ Bentleys and Benzes
through cash-colored lenses ♪
♪ Them dollars and cents,
cha-ching! ♪
♪ It's expensive to be me ♪
♪ ♪
I mean, I was into it, you know.
Everybody else was excited.
You know, Tom didn't care.
I mean, he's had a lot of
moments like this in his life.
I've had none, so...
- The whole Pretty Mess Krewe
is here.
Glam is setting up.
I got the team under control.
- You know, I'm here today
because of the support
of my husband.
- You hit the jackpot.
- I did more than she did.
Erika, of all
the stuff you've done,
this is the best.
It's very artistic
and beautiful.
- I love him.
He's proud of the growth,
for sure.
My business started at
the kitchen table.
Now I have an office.
So Erika Jayne's life
has exploded.
[upbeat music]
- Attitude. Beautiful.
- But now, like,
the real challenge
is staying on schedule, making
sure all these things happen.
- The demand for you live
in person performing is there.
- You know, the show that we
did at Pride was really good.
♪ Like Tyson ♪
♪ Everybody knows that ♪
♪ I'm a million dollar diamond ♪
♪ I'm reckless, offensive ♪
♪ I'll destroy your defenses ♪
- And the next step is
to go to, you know,
small arenas and theaters.
- So all these great things
are happening at one time.
All right, baby, thank you.
And I need more.
- I'll see you soon, babe.
Love you.
- I'll see you soon. Bye-bye!
[upbeat electronic music]
♪ ♪
- You know what, you guys?
I think they could be
coming through here.
- What are you doing?
- I'm looking for the rat.
- Thank God I'm moving.
- I think I'm with you now.
- Can we go sit down?
- All right, let's go sit
in the kitchen.
I was already getting sick.
That's why I have
a vitamin drip coming.
- Thank God. I love them.
They make you feel so good.
- Aren't they great?
Because we need it. We're busy.
- [coughs]
- You can't be sick
for the travel.
We leave tomorrow morning
at 6:45.
- I don't think I really
want to go tomorrow.
- Oh, really?
- It's just like,
I just got back from Europe
like three days ago.
- You know, I need your help.
- Yeah, 'cause I'll be
checking in to my hotel.
- Because here's the situation.
Amelia's 16 years old
and cannot check into a hotel
herself.
The girls are now both modeling.
It was Delilah's dream
and it was Amelia's dream
to both be signed by IMG.
We made Amelia wait
until she was 16.
My rule was, you have to wait
till you're 17,
but look what happens with
the second child.
Like, it all flies
out the window.
If the tables were turned,
would you want your older
sister to come and be with you?
- I just like... am I a nanny?
- I'll pay you to do it,
how about that?
- But I've been
traveling so much,
I just want to
chill for a second.
- I understand that, but do you
know what I did at your age?
I was working at
a sporting goods shop.
I'm a momager.
And I am working harder
on their careers
than I ever have on mine,
and you guys know I hustle.
Like, you know I work hard.
[intercom chimes]
Oh, will you...
That's the vitamin guy.
[doorbell chimes] Coming.
So I am in charge of everything.
This is Delilah and Amelia.
- Hi, Delilah and Amelia.
- Let's go up and set up
in the bedroom...
- Okay.
- Where you did me last time.
So to try to manage everything
and everybody
and, you know,
God love Harry Hamlin,
but let's just face it.
He's not doing sh...
- This will make me not sick
anymore, right?
- It's like a water with
all the different minerals,
vitamin B12, vitamin C.
It's gonna help you feel better
'cause we're hydrating you.
- Oh, my God.
- You okay?
- No.
- Aah.
- This won't hurt.
This won't hurt.
- Ooh, my arm's cold.
- How does it feel?
- Going real slow.
- Your bag is going so fast.
- I go fast, honey.
I suck that sh... up.
- [laughs] Like, this bag
did not stand a chance.
- No way.
- Do you do cortisone shots
on pimples?
- We do.
- You do that, too?
- Yeah, we do everything.
- Hey, Mom, don't move so much.
It's hurting me. - I'm sorry.
With the girls' newfound career
and success,
I find that it's very important
to keep them grounded.
- I put a little bit of
lidocaine to, like, numb it up.
- Yes! Get rid of my pimp.
- And what that means to me is,
they don't become so...
enamored by themselves.
- You guys are important people.
Got to make sure you're happy.
- Because everyone
is telling them
how fabulous they are,
how gorgeous they are.
That can go to your head.
So you gotta pack after this.
We'll get our nails done.
- Can I hire someone
to pack for me, though?
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Hello.
- Hey.
Both: How are you?
- I'm good. What's happening?
- What is that?
That is a very bad...
- A new addition.
- And your husband's
okay with it?
- I just say,
"Oh, this old thing."
But it needs a chair because
I don't want it to get ruined.
- Are you hiding it?
- I mean, I don't announce it.
It just shows up.
- You've been working
on the show.
You deserve it, right?
- Exactly.
"American Woman" is
inspired by my life
growing up with my mom
in the '70s.
- I want you to know the truth,
because a liar is
the worst thing you can be.
A stripper is also bad.
- It's definitely, you know,
real life with fiction.
Amazing, right?
- Ready to order?
- I'm gonna have
an arugula salad.
Can I add shrimp, please?
- Do you have chicken paillard?
- We have the chicken buzzo.
I can have them pound it
really thin for you.
- Okay, that's great.
I wanted to actually
plan a trip to Vegas
for Erika and Dorit's birthdays.
- Erika and Dorit together?
- Well, they... their birthdays
are, like, days apart.
- And Rinna's.
- That's right,
Rinna's, too.
- All within a few days
of each other, yeah.
I'm not sure how Dorit
is going to react
seeing Lisa Rinna in Vegas.
Rinna really...
She went down and dirty.
She was rolling in the mud.
- Were people doing coke
in your bathroom?
- Oh, come on.
- No.
- I mean, I hope Rinna's
learned her lesson.
You can't just go around
slandering somebody's
reputation.
- We invite them both.
They're gonna have to just,
you know, get over it.
- Coming up...
- I've done renovations
on our house...
- Oh, wow.
- Here in Beverly Hills.
[screeches]
- We can't get
the truck up, babe.
- We went well over our budget.
Oh, my God.
- Well, who else
- Well, who else
would we invite?
- We'll invite Camille.
- Camille.
- She's friends with them. Yeah.
A bouncer for the plane.
- I mean, if you tell Erika
to pack her underwear,
then they'll be good.
- Did you see her on
"Dancing with the Stars"?
I never got to go.
I felt so bad.
- No, I didn't get to go.
I wanted to go,
but you know what?
Whenever I text her,
there's never anything
that comes back to me.
I don't know.
- All of my life
I've been in situations
where one friend doesn't
like another friend.
- Thank you.
- I felt put in the middle
between Lisa Rinna,
Erika, and Dorit,
and I try not to put myself
in that position
with my friends anymore.
So I invite who
I want to invite,
and whoever's not comfortable,
they don't have to come.
- You gonna eat your lunch?
- I'm on a diet. I'm gonna be
in Vegas in a bathing suit.
Do you mind? [laughs]
- Oh, trust me,
my bathing suit days are over.
- Know what we could also do
is go out dancing in Vegas.
Do you want to go dancing?
Erika's got the moves.
- Scratch the puss,
scratch the puss.
- It's not scratch the puss,
it's pat the puss.
- I was gonna buy her
some medication for that.
[lively music]
♪ ♪
- What are you doing?
- I'm making something, Mommy.
- Would that something
be a poo-poo?
Are you making poo-poo?
- No.
- Okay, good.
Jags, are you excited for
your music class?
- Yes.
- Are you excited to meet
some new friends?
- I don't know which friends
and their names.
- We'll meet them for
the first time together.
Jagger and I have always had
this extremely close connection.
I mean, I've always
understood him.
Jagger, what would
you like for lunch?
- Aah.
- Jagger, you can't have
ice cream for lunch.
You ready, munchkin? - No.
- Are you sure?
- No.
- Now, watching him speak,
he gets to verbalize
exactly what's going on
in his head.
Thank you, Juan.
Thank you, okay.
- Thank you Juan.
- Oh.
- I said it, too!
- You do, just like Mommy.
And he loves to be around
other kids,
which is why I really felt like
I needed to get him into
maybe some of these classes.
- Give me a high five.
- Hello!
- Hi, I'm Teddi.
- I'm Dorit. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, Teddi.
- Hi, buddy!
- Hi.
- Look, my son's got the mic.
This is my husband.
This is Edwin.
- Hi. I'm Dorit.
Very nice to meet you.
- Good to meet you.
- You, too.
- Likewise.
- Cruz, come here real quick.
Can we go say hi to Jagger?
- This is Slate.
- Hi, Slate.
- Say, what's up?
- So cool.
- Slate loves
a little fashion, so...
- I know, she's really
into fashion.
- I have a daughter
16 months old
already a massive fashionista.
- I'm like the total opposite.
I grew up riding horses
and was a professional
equestrian,
so I am the world's
most awkward dresser.
So I will need help...
- Well, you're clearly not,
my darling.
You're absolutely not.
Teddi and I have
a mutual friend in common,
and I give a lot of credit
to a woman
who's hosting a music class
for other moms that
she's never even met.
- Come on over, everybody.
Let's play some music together.
We're the BeatBuds. - Whoo!
- Let's sit down.
Let's relax a little bit.
Okay, let's shake it.
♪ Here we go ♪
♪ ♪
- I definitely see a big change
in Jagger's personality.
- [monkey sounds]
- Watching him speak
and he's animated
and he's imaginative.
- ♪ Monkey ♪
- He's all around just
a more confident,
fun, you know, excited child.
- Whoo!
- Very good, everyone.
Could everyone say good-bye
to Mike the Monkey?
Okay, he's Magic Mike,
the monkey.
- Well, fun for everyone then.
- Bye.
- Bye, everybody.
- Come on, Mommy.
- Do you want a glass
of champagne?
- If I'm not the only one.
- No, it's all...
It's all of us, honey.
- Then definitely.
- Do you want any
water or juice?
He's like, I want
the trampoline.
- Oh, my gosh. I've gotta
get him a trampoline.
- No, it's the... it's the...
- Oh, my God!
This is another world for me.
We have spent the last...
Wanna come out, Bubba?
We spent the last
four and a half months
in Miami. - Wow!
- Yes.
- Doing what?
- I've done renovations
on our house...
- Oh, wow.
- Here in Beverly Hills.
So I had to move out
for, like, four months.
The last four months in Miami
was a lot of family time.
I got to reconnect
and spend a lot of time
with my kids,
and I watched them flourish
into these little people.
- He's like, should I go
or should I not?
- He'll go back
and forth ten times.
And now that we're back
in Beverly Hills,
I feel like I can connect
with other moms
whilst our kids are
playing together.
I want to meet moms
that have kids.
- Honestly, the moms
that I met out here...
Like, I lived out here
since I was 17.
I was like, you know what?
I miss riding horses.
It's what I grew up doing,
and so then I did that
for, like, 15 years.
- Wow.
- But I didn't know
any young moms. - Right.
- And so that's when I, like,
started doing things like this.
- Oh, I love it.
- Because it's just something
for the kids to look forward to.
- One of... just, you know,
you mentioned
that you're really into horses,
and one of my best friends,
her name is Lisa,
she's really into horses.
She rides every morning.
She's obsessed.
Her vacations are around
where she can bring the horses.
- That's incredible.
- I know. It's so amazing.
- I'm like, wow.
- Pie in the sky.
- Pie in the sky.
Go for it, Jaggy.
- Whoo!
- Wow!
This is the best thing
ever, Teddi.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Hey, are you having problems
with the Internet?
- I'm on the regular,
not the 5G.
- What?
- Are you 5?
[knock on door]
- Wait, hold on.
We have to get a doorbell
or something.
Nobody can hear anybody.
- Ding-dong.
- Aah!
- Hi!
- How are you?
- Good. How are you?
- Get on in here.
I'm good. Nice to see you.
- Oh! I'm sorry.
Nice to see you, too.
- Welcome to the new place.
- Oh, my God, this is amazing.
- Isn't it fun?
- Wait, is this
what you stand on?
- Yeah, you stand up there
and you get tailored.
- I need to come over here
to get dressed.
- You know, doctors
go to their offices,
lawyers go to their offices,
Erika Jayne goes to her office.
Throw your bag down.
That's cool. That's pretty.
Is that new?
- Maybe, this old thing?
[laughter]
Oh, my gosh, this is giving me
Beverly Hills Hotel
vibes over here.
- You know I'm obsessed
with banana leaves.
Let me show you the most
important room in this place.
So you get in here...
- This is amazing.
- Okay.
- Be prepared, don't get scared.
- One, two...
- Two, three.
- Oh, my God!
- Don't worry,
everybody freaks out.
- Thank God you're gorgeous.
That's a lot of light.
- Let me tell you something,
you can turn it off now.
- Wait.
- Because this is
what this is for.
- We always say if you
look good in this light...
[together]
You look good anywhere.
- This is amazing.
This is giving me ideas.
You know I'm redoing
my whole house?
We're gonna be going to
Croatia, so while we're there,
they're supposed to be
putting our floors in.
Supposedly.
- I love the idea of
the pool like this,
getting a nice, beautiful
feature on the hardscape
over here. - Yeah.
- Let's go sit in our...
In our other room.
- My husband wanted to
buy a new house,
and being in real estate,
he'll call me and he'll say,
"Honey, please come out
and look at this house.
I love it. You've gotta see it."
And every time I go I say, no.
I love my house more. Sorry.
Look at this,
"Dancing with the Stars."
I feel so bad, the whole time
I was either working
or then away. I'm sorry I never
got to come over there.
- That's okay.
- I really wanted to come
and see.
- It's okay.
That was a great experience.
It was tough.
I felt like fish out of water,
style-wise.
Like, all of a sudden,
I had to unlearn everything
that I had learned and let
someone else take control,
which is not something
that I'm familiar with,
performing-wise. - Right.
- So it was very...
They want to have a "Dancing
with the Stars" All-Stars?
Bitch, call me, 'cause
I-I know your number now.
I got... I got...
I got the playbook.
I'm ready. Call me.
- I was thinking...
okay, you know your birthday
is one day before Lisa Rinna's.
- Yes.
- And then Dorit is the 16th,
so I was thinking the other day,
maybe we could,
if everyone was open to it,
do a fun girls' trip.
- Coming up...
- I'm in charge here, buddy.
One, two...
When people find out
my dad's John Mellencamp...
I kind of thought everybody's
dad was on the radio.
- So I was thinking
- So I was thinking
the other day,
maybe we could,
if everyone was open to it,
do a fun girls' trip.
♪ ♪
And I was thinking
to get a plane
and go to Vegas.
- Get the (BLEEP) outta here!
I hate you right now.
- If we were to get on a plane,
go dancing,
stay at the Palazzo...
- Really?
- Go to the stores
at the Venetian.
- You know, with these ladies
at any minute,
the bottom could fall out.
So pack your own chute.
I mean, like... - Well...
- Let's address
the elephant in the room.
- I know.
- What's going on?
- I mean, listen,
a lot of stuff happened.
- You're the only one
in this group
that I haven't managed to
somehow connect with.
- Because I don't like
bullsh..., Dorit,
and that's what I think you are.
- Then why don't you just
(BLEEP) say it? - I just did.
- I just thought
it would be fun.
I was like, well, I don't know
if anyone would be open to it,
but if not, we could do
something here instead, but...
- I want to go to Vegas. Yes!
- Yay!
- Are you serious?
- Yes. I thought it
would be fun.
- I won't... I won't act bad.
When we last left it, I said,
I would be willing to
go slow and try again.
And I mean that.
If there is progress,
it'll be a slow thing.
I'm not totally opposed,
but we need to start over.
Let's see what happens.
Yeah, I think we can...
- All of you are the same sign,
the three of you.
- I want to have fun with you.
- Crazy.
- Cancer crazy.
- Cancer equals crazy.
[upbeat music]
- Let's see the race.
Show Daddy how fast you go.
Ready.
- All right, let's go.
I'm gonna run like a bear.
- Hold on.
You wait till I say go.
I'm in charge here, buddy.
One, two, three!
- Come on.
- Winned. I winned!
- Powey. Powey.
- Where's the competitive
spirit, Cruzy?
- I grew up in a town called
Hilton Head in South Carolina.
Hilton Head Island is like,
you can't get a house there
for under $1 million.
- I passed the line.
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
Growing up, I lived well,
but regardless how much money
my family had,
I knew the value
of a dollar, always.
- Daddy, can you jump in here?
- [gasps]
- Hold on, Mama.
Well, don't you want
your brother to come up?
- But he doesn't... he
wants to play with Mommy.
- How I met my husband,
I could try to
sugarcoat it a little,
but it was a one-night stand.
It was supposed to be
a one-night stand.
I woke up with some guy,
I thought his name was Edward.
His name is Edwin!
Can I have a kiss?
- Powey, do you want to
jump with us?
- Are you ready to
jump high, Powey?
- Aah!
- Oh, golly.
- Powey, your butt crack's
hanging out.
My dad is John Mellencamp.
He is in the Rock and Roll
Hall of Fame.
It kind of makes me laugh
when everybody's like,
oh, do you have a favorite song
that your dad sings?
I mean, let's keep it
in perspective.
In the '80s, like,
my nine-year-old friends,
we didn't give a (BLEEP).
We cared about My Little Pony,
Care Bears.
You wanna come out? [grunts]
I kinda thought everybody's
dad was on the radio.
- You just gonna leave me here?
- You can come.
- I can come?
- Slate, we gotta
get ready for school.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
Ready, Pow? Do you want a snack?
You want one snacky?
Can you say please? Cruz?
Say please. - [murmuring]
- Yeah, don't eat that,
Celeste. I know you want it.
Cruz, you have swimming today.
[groans]
Just because I grew up
with a father
that was considered "famous,"
he didn't live like that.
He didn't act that way.
Thanks so much, Celeste.
Edwin will just pick him up,
and if you can come back
in the afternoon.
Nothing was just handed to me
on a silver platter,
and I want my kids to
know the same,
'cause then you don't
appreciate thing.
You think you deserve them.
- Love you.
- Bye, honey.
I love you.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[screeching]
- Keep going.
[screeches]
- Oh, my God.
- We can't get
the truck up, babe.
- They have to just
bring the boxes, baby.
- Yeah, it looks like it.
- I hope you've got
good tipping money, 'cause
these boys are gonna be
working really hard.
- I'll get some tipping money,
yeah, if they're still alive
after they've done it.
- Oh, my God!
We definitely had a budget
for our renovations
for the house.
PK usually deals with that.
But I can say without
a shadow of doubt
that we went well over
our budget, I'm sure.
I thought it'd be
a great opportunity
to do like
an indoor/outdoor space.
The outside,
we had put teak wood
in both the backdrop
and also the floor.
I felt that the kitchen
really needed
a good face-lift.
I'm gonna go start setting up
the makeup and everything.
Thanks, guys.
And of course, the master closet
is basically always too small.
This new master closet
was custom made
and everything was
brought in from Italy.
It's fit for a princess.
- Boy, it's warm in here.
- It's probably 'cause
we had the doors open, Bubba.
I've got a big week
this week, Bubba.
- You were gonna go to
Vegas with Rinna?
- [groans]
- With Erika?
- Yep.
- I know that, like,
you and Erika have had issues
and Lisa Rinna and all that,
but I feel like, you know,
it's been a while.
Maybe it's time to like just go
and have the best time.
- All right, listen.
- You think I should be worried?
- Last time I saw Erika,
she was really horrible to me.
You know, I've listened
to Rinna call me a pervert
and staring up the dresses
all the time.
- Hey, I'm a whore,
so you know what?
How do you think I feel?
- What I'm saying...
- I'm not worried about
your feelings!
- Rinna was just a joke,
horrible.
- Lisa Rinna deliberately
came after me,
and she did it to
defame my character
and to hurt me.
Are you suggesting that I
got up from the dinner table...
- No. No.
- And went to do drugs?
I've got two little babies,
but they have...
They live in a coke den.
Kyle thinks that we can
all be together
celebrating our birthdays
harmoniously.
- I'm gonna keep my opinions
to myself.
- Coming up...
How do you feel about Erika now?
Well, I'll... I might
pray with you actually.
- [gasps] Ooh.
- I know.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Can I get you something
to drink to start?
- I'll just have
an ice water for now.
- Ice water. Okay, you got it.
♪ ♪
- Thanks, Juan.
- Hi. Are you
joining us for dinner?
- I am, a drink anyway.
- Perfect.
- I'll be back if you need
anything, okay?
- Okay, great. Thank you.
- Hi, Teddi!
- Hey, babe.
- Hi!
- How are you?
- I really want Teddi
to meet Lisa V.
I think that they would
get on really well.
She's great fun. She's got
a great sense of humor.
And obviously, the fact that
they both love horses
is definitely a reason
for them to meet.
- Lisa!
- Hello.
- Hi, gorgeous.
- Hi, darling.
- I want you to meet...
Teddi. - Hi.
- This is Lisa.
- Nice to meet you.
- I so love the name Teddi,
I can't even tell you.
- Actually, my name was
pretty country at...
It was Teddi Jo.
- Teddi Jo?
- Teddi Jo!
- I've got one of those names,
nobody says it right ever.
- But they're called you
a lot worse.
- Oh, yeah, haven't they?
- So where are you from?
- Hilton Head, South Carolina.
- Oh, how long have
you lived here?
- I don't know, 20 years.
- And you're married.
Can I ask all
the questions or not?
- Oh, yeah, you can ask
all the questions.
- Feel free to ask me questions.
One thing about me is if you
don't have a sense of humor
we won't be friends.
- That I'm good with.
I would describe
my sense of humor as dry.
Sometimes people don't know
if I'm joking or not
but, like, you'll see
a glimmer in my eye
and you'll know it's a joke
and if it took you
an extra minute, it's okay.
She mentioned that
you were into horses.
- I knew you would connect.
- I've just gotten off mine...
- What?
- Like two hours ago.
I love him. I mean, I...
He's not just...
I don't just ride him.
He's my pet, you know?
- Right.
- Do you guys want
anything to eat?
- I think we just
need tuna tostada...
- Oh, that's a good choice.
- Just to have
a little something. Thank you.
- Absolutely. Thanks, ladies.
- Kyle and I have decided
we're, like, doing
a trip in Vegas.
It's Dorit's birthday
and then Erika's birthday,
who you don't know, and then
Lisa Rinna's birthday.
And so it's everyone's birthday.
Well, I'll... I might
pray with you actually.
- Oh.
- [gasps] Ooh.
- I know.
- I had a little moment
with her. - Little moment?
- You know, I don't want to...
I like her.
I want her to stay around.
I don't want to, like,
scare her right off the bat.
- On your... something you did
or something they did?
- Well...
there's two different scenarios.
- Okay.
- So there's Erika
and then there's Lisa Rinna,
and they're two
separate instances.
- How do you feel
about Erika now?
- I haven't had any
communication with her.
So I don't really know,
you know.
I think it's a matter of
when we see each other.
Erika and I didn't leave off
on the greatest foot,
and she went after my husband,
which doesn't fly well with me.
If I'm not harboring resentment,
then I am very precautious.
I'm a little bit worried,
because I don't want to
spend three days
with somebody that treated me
as cold as she treated me.
So it's gonna depend on
what attitude she brings.
I thought Erika and I were
gonna be fast friends
because I just thought we had
a lot of things in common,
and she was never
very warm to me.
- You know, she's not that
warm to me either, Dorit.
I've reached out so many times,
trust me.
- I feel like I'm prepared to
kind of like move past it.
We all do have a laugh together.
- So then go have a laugh.
Take all the rest of the stuff
and throw it away. - Exactly.
- I guess that's how I feel,
which is the reason why
I agreed to go on this trip,
because I want...
- So when's your birthday?
- So my birthday's next week.
- Mine's tomorrow.
- Tomorrow?
- Yeah.
- Your birthday's tomorrow?
- Yes.
- Your birthday's tomorrow?
- Yes.
- What are you doing tomorrow?
- Will you come to Vegas?
- Oh, my God!
Oh, my God. I have not been to
Vegas in a long time.
- If you would like to join us...
- Oh, my God.
- No, but I'm serious.
If you're brave enough
after what you've heard.
- Only the strongest survive.
- Will you come?
- What's your husband gonna say?
Will he let you go?
- I think he'll
probably let me go.
- Yay!
- Yeah?
- [squeals]
[upbeat dance music]
- Portia.
Too flashy or good for Vegas?
Do you like this, this bag?
Okay. Well, think about it
and get back to me.
- Okay, so all the shoes
will go on this side.
- What are we gonna put in here?
- That's where
all the clothes go.
- Where does this go?
- You wanna go in there?
- No!
- Let me see if I can fit.
- Ah, bummer.
If you did, you
could've come with me.
- Oh.
♪ ♪
- All right,
so what are we wearing?
- So I was thinking
this whole Gucci...
- Oh, yay! I've been
waiting to wear that.
- This Gucci ensemble.
White pumps fo sheezy.
Obviously, we're bringing
Preston and Clyde with us,
because, you know,
glam always comes first.
- You know, what can I say?
I mean, I don't know.
I like clothes.
- This could be fun for
the plane maybe, right?
- Yeah, I would
plane moment this.
- Plane moment.
- There's the closet,
the overflow closet,
the clubhouse closet.
Pretty soon, I'm gonna
need an aircraft hangar.
- Maybe with
those Versace shoes.
- Cary Grant had one.
- We're always trying to figure
out this Moschino moment.
- No, we have it figured out.
We just don't have
the right place.
- Right.
- This is not the place.
- Not the place, okay.
- No.
- We'll save her.
She's a Pretty Mess Krewe
after-party moment.
- She's not...
- She's not... not these girls.
- No, no, not for these women.
- Coming up...
- Poor ol' Teddi got kind of
thrown in at the last minute.
- I know.
♪ ♪
- Hey, how are you?
- [inhales deeply,
exhales sharply]
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- I hope you haven't kind of
ordered the "Spruce Goose."
- What do you mean,
the "Spruce Goose"?
- An old plane.
- Do you think
I'm gonna do that?
I'm the one who's
the nervous Nelly.
- Hello, my girls!
- Oh, my God.
- Hi.
- Oh, wow.
- You look stunning.
- So do you.
How cool are those? Stella?
- These are Prada.
What's happening?
You look gorgeous.
- Thanks.
I just flew in from Hawaii
and I'm absolutely exhausted.
- Hello!
- Hello, my dear.
- Hey, gorgeous!
- Your hair changes
minute by minute.
- I like it like this.
- Of course it does.
- I have no idea what
Dorit's real hair looks like.
I mean, for all I know,
she could be bald.
- She's going for
the freshly shagged look.
- Yes.
- I love it.
- Freshly shagged, hopefully.
- She's got curly hair,
she's got straight hair,
she's got bangs,
she's got no bangs.
Did you always have bangs?
It reminds me of this doll
I had when I was little.
You could, like,
crank the hair out
and, like, wear it long
and chop it off
and pull it out again.
- Hi, Teddi!
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, too.
- This is Camille.
- Hi.
- Teddi. both: Nice to meet you.
- Teddi and I have
children the same age.
- Poor ol' Teddi got kind of
thrown in at the last minute.
- I know.
- I know.
It got a little bit
in through the side.
- Hi, Erika.
- Hey, how are you? Cute hair.
- Thank you.
- How are you?
Nice to see you.
- Good to see you.
- Thank you.
- How are you?
- Hey, gorgeous. Look at you.
Nice to see you.
- [inhales deeply,
exhales sharply]
Okay, deep breaths.
- This is Teddi.
- Hi. Erika. Nice to meet you.
Let's have fun. I don't want
to fight with anybody.
I don't want to upset anyone.
Fresh beginnings.
Happy birthday. Yay.
- Where's Rinna?
Isn't it her birthday?
Is she coming? - It is.
She said she's gonna
let me know.
- Okay.
- She's in New York.
- She's in New York with her
girls on some modeling job.
- A shoot.
- And she said
I'm gonna try to get there.
- Okay, good.
- I invited Eileen,
but she couldn't come
because she's shooting,
I guess, so...
We're gonna have so much fun!
Lisa Rinna is fun
and she doesn't take things
too seriously,
and it would feel weird
not to include her.
And I do want her to come.
I don't want there
to be an issue
between her and Dorit.
- [laughs]
All right, then.
- I mean, who wants to fight
on their birthday in Las Vegas?
Hopefully nobody.
- What's the temperature?
- Light winds and 75 degrees...
- Chanel.
- And Chanel.
[laughter]
- Lisa's like...
- I know.
- Teddi doesn't like
to shop, guys.
[playful music]
- I know. I think I'm
the odd man out with that one.
- How about carrying bags?
- Only your bags.
[laughter]
- I find that I buy the most
sh... when I've had a cocktail.
A little bit of buzzed shopping,
and everything all of a sudden
looks real good.
Hey, that's pretty.
Could I take a peek at that?
The price on this ring,
please, ma'am.
- 1680.
- I do make some
tipsy purchases.
One time I bought Mikey and I
twin Chanel bags.
We still use them.
[cell phone rings]
- Ooh, Lisa Rinna.
Hello.
- Kyle.
- Yes.
- How are you?
- I'm good. I'm actually
sitting here in the airport.
- Guess what, I figured it out.
I got the girls covered.
I'm getting on a flight
and I'm gonna be able to meet
you guys in Vegas tonight.
- All right.
- Whoo!
- We're gonna be heading
to the plane...
- Yay!
- And taking off here
in a little bit. - Yay!
- So we'll be seeing you there.
- It would definitely be
a better trip for me
if Lisa Rinna wasn't going,
because I do have
unresolved feelings with her.
- Okay, we'll see you there.
Both: Bye.
- But Lisa, Kyle, and I
have such a laugh together.
I mean, when we get together,
it's guaranteed
we're gonna have
such a great time.
[lively music]
♪ ♪
- Hi, welcome. I'm Pat.
I'll be your flight attendant.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
♪ ♪
- You can hold my foot.
Here, let's do this.
- Oh.
- This is how we take off when
we don't have our husbands.
Happy birthday, girls!
- Happy birthday!
Whoo!
- Nice to meet you.
Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
- Happy birthday.
- Good to see you, Camille.
- Good to see you, too.
[clattering]
- What is that sound?
- No...
- No, it works.
- That's what you
fly like every week?
[clattering]
Yay!
- I love life! [laughs]
I'm so thankful for everything.
I don't like turbulence.
(BLEEP)ing hell. Oh, my God.
- Are you crazy?
- Holy (BLEEP)ing sh...
- Pull yourself together.
- Do people enjoy that?
Do people go, "Oh, my gosh!
This is so much fun!"
We're, like, flopping
around in the air
and a wing feels like
it could snap off.
I'm usually good, right?
- You're usually good.
- I don't like that part.
Lisa, you bitch. That's my bag.
Are you kidding me? - Oh!
What are you doing?
- You just dumped that all in
my new Birkin bag, you asshole.
- I didn't go anywhere near you.
Oh, my God, this is
absolutely ridiculous.
I mean, this bag
only costs about $14,000.
[laughs]
- Why do you have
an electric toothbrush?
[laughter]
- I have a whole glass in here.
- I think she should
buy you a new one.
I think that it's my birthday
and Lisa Vanderpump should
buy us all Birkin bags.
- It's the new
Vanderpump Chardonnay.
- I love that.
[laughter]
[upbeat music]
Okay, baby, we're here.
- Vegas, baby!
♪ ♪
- Hello, how are you?
- Hi.
- Hi, how are you?
- Welcome to the Palazzo,
ladies.
- Thank you. Happy to be here.
- Oh, my God.
- We'll head right over
into our VIP lounge,
get you all checked in,
and then we have
one of our beautiful
presidential suites
ready for you for the weekend.
- I knew these two took
the presidential suite.
- [laughs]
- So typical.
- [laughs]
- Throw us in
a (BLEEP)ing broom closet.
- Well, it was available.
- Right.
- Hi, ladies.
- Hello, how are you, Alex?
- Welcome to the Palazzo.
- Nice to meet you. Kyle.
- Great to have you.
- Oh, thank you. It's gorgeous.
- Wow, this is posh.
- I'm going to my room.
I'm gonna set my stuff down.
- Look at the view.
- Oh, lovely.
- Lisa Vanderpump
always wants the best room,
but she's not gonna get it.
I've got my room!
- Kyle.
- Already taken.
I mean, she just destroyed my
brand-new Birkin on the plane.
It's only fair that
I get the better room.
- Is that what you did,
you sneaky cow?
You just ran around
to choose the best bedroom.
- [laughs]
♪ ♪
- Wow! It's beautiful.
You know what?
I don't have any cash.
- It's okay.
- But I promise...
I promise I'm gonna
try to find you later.
- All right. Enjoy.
- Thank you.
- Lisa!
What are you girls
wearing tonight?
Well... I want to
show you some options,
because I'm trying to figure
out what we'll wear tonight
versus tomorrow night. - Okay.
So what's the game plan?
- I booked a reservation
at Chica,
and then we are going to Tao
after, the nightclub.
- Oh, my God, I forgot,
Lisa Rinna's coming.
- Lisa Rinna is coming.
- Is everybody good
with Lisa now?
I haven't see her in a while.
- You know, for me, I just try
to keep it totally separate.
- Mm-hmm.
- Like, you know,
my sister and Lisa and...
I have to.
What else am I gonna do?
I bumped into Harry on a hike,
'cause we hike in the same area.
So I was like, "Hi!"
and he was like...
And I thought,
well, that's kind of weird.
And he says to me, "So what are
we gonna do about your sister?
She obviously cannot be around
this group ever, ever again."
And he was clearly
really upset about it.
- Coming up...
- Hello, everyone.
- Oh!
- Hello!
- Lisa.
- I bumped into Harry
- I bumped into Harry on a hike,
'cause we hike in the same area.
So I was like, "Hi!"
and he was like...
And I thought,
well, that's kind of weird.
And he says to me, "So what are
we gonna do about your sister?
She obviously cannot be around
this group ever, ever again."
- This is for your grandchild.
- Oh, thank you.
I brought the bunny
'cause it didn't feel like
it had good energy.
[dramatic music]
- And he was clearly
really upset about it.
So it was just weird.
- So you've never
discussed it with anybody?
- No.
I can think of so many things
that I would rather do
than talk to Lisa Rinna
about Harry Hamlin.
Pap smear. Root canal.
Enema.
- I'm okay with her,
but I don't know that...
- Mm-hmm.
- Dorit can be.
- Yeah, that would
be a hard one.
- It's a recipe for disaster.
[upbeat music]
- Girls, I have two options.
One is really tight
and really short.
- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
- And the other one
is extremely tight
and extremely short.
Which dress do I go with?
- Definitely go with
the short, tight one.
[laughter]
- I think we're going
to a club tonight.
- Sounds good. Yeah.
Stand up straight.
Thank you. - Oh, Justine!
My hair and makeup stylists
travel with me
wherever I go
to give me this.
[laughs]
I can't live without 'em!
[upbeat music]
- Louboutins?
- No.
- Versace.
- Versace.
- Very important question
number two.
Cartier or are we giving
a banjee girl effect?
- Do that.
- Yeah.
- Are we gonna plump
with a spice lip liner?
- Yep.
- No polite lips.
- No.
- A polite lip is very basic
and nothing that says,
ooh, I want to kiss you,
or let me stick it in there.
It's just kind of like,
eh, eh, whatever.
No one wants a polite anything.
- No. Never.
Always DSLs.
- Always.
- DSL is an overdrawn, over-wet
dick sucking lip.
I always like my mouth
to be overdrawn.
DSL, you know?
Who doesn't like a big mouth?
[upbeat dance music]
♪ ♪
- You look fantastic.
Very Vegas, right?
- Oh, you look gorgeous.
- Wow!
- Oh, wow!
Amazing. - You look gorgeous.
- Thank you.
- You look gorgeous, too.
- Very Vegas appropriate.
[doorbell rings]
- You look beautiful.
- Thank you.
- Shall we have a drink then?
- Yes.
- Oh!
- Oh!
You look gorgeous.
- Hello, girls.
- Hello, darling.
- Come on in.
- Oh, you look stunning.
- Why are the hostesses in
a fabulous presidential suite?
I thought we were
the birthday girls.
- Vodka club soda
coming right up.
- Honey, I don't think I can
drink a vodka club soda
in a champagne glass, though.
- Don't worry,
I have you covered.
- How do I... [laughs]
- You're gonna be drinking that
when Lisa Rinna gets here.
- Where's your butler, Kyle?
- I don't know. [laughter]
[doorbell rings]
- You are definitely not
the hostess with
the mostest, Kyle.
- [laughs]
[doorbell rings] - Oh.
- Hello. Wow!
- Hi.
Both: Look at you.
- Yeah, look at you, sexy mama.
When you look at Teddi,
I would actually like
to see Teddi naked.
I mean, that sounds bizarre,
but from what I see of her,
it's like this tight,
fit little thing.
I think she looks
absolutely fabulous.
[doorbell rings]
- Who is this?
- Hey! Hi!
- Hello!
- Everybody's looking
so sexy and...
- Wow! Hello, everyone.
- Hello!
- Hello!
- Lisa!
- [scoffs] God!
- Hello.
- Hello, Lisa Rinna.
- Next time on
"The Real Housewives
of Beverly Hills"...
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
- Yay!
[all exclaiming]
- It's an ice dildo.
Can I use it on you?
- Just stop it! Whoo!
[laughs and screams]
- I won!
- Oh, my God!
- Aah!
- How was it growing up
with your dad?
- Well, I don't know him.
- Oh.
- Wow.
- All right, well...
- I'm being an asshole.
- Erika comes off to me
like a cool girl,
you know, like
I'm too cool for anything.
- Your words are so low
that they can really
affect people's lives.
- Listen, Dorit,
I would like you
to see me for who I really am.
[dramatic music]
- To learn more about
the housewives,
This season on
"The Real Housewives
of Beverly Hills"...
- ♪ I'm the star of the show ♪
- Go, girl.
- Turn it off!
- ♪ That's right ♪
- Enjoying the fruits
of Beverly Hills
is absolutely essential.
I'm just sticking my face
in the caviar.
- I swear to God I'm sexually
aroused right now.
- I told you! It's so much fun!
- You must have heels.
You must have jewelry.
You must have a little dog.
- Oh, my God, Lisa.
- And you mustn't have
a baggy face.
There's no Botox.
I need to get that fixed.
- Yay!
- Let's have
our New York City moment.
[cheers and applause]
- Gorgeous!
- Give us all 5,000.
I won!
- Oh, my God, Tokyo.
All: Hi!
- It's a little slimy.
- Look at you. You're on
the flipping building.
- I would love if you all
would accompany me to Berlin.
[cheering]
- What's going on?
- [grunts]
[cheering]
- Honey, this is my pack.
There they go.
[barking]
- Watch your teeth.
- You people are crazy.
- I'm being an asshole.
- Some of these women make it
very hard to just feel at ease.
- You are psycho.
- I'm not gonna back down
when I know I'm right.
- You didn't like that it
wasn't about you for a minute.
- Don't (BLEEP) with me like
that. You don't want that.
You have to cut the head
off the devil.
- I would never ever
(BLEEP) you over
and I feel (BLEEP)ed over.
- This whole thing boils down
to three bitches
that are competitive
over friendship.
- I'm going home to my husband
who would rather spend time
with me tonight than you would.
[engine revs]
[upbeat music]
- In this town,
fame and money come and go,
but friends should not.
♪ ♪
- Some people call me cold.
But that's not ice...
It's diamonds.
♪ ♪
- I believe in
excess of everything,
except moderation.
♪ ♪
- Having the best
isn't important to me,
but being my best is.
♪ ♪
- I don't have to buy it,
'cause I already own it.
♪ ♪
- The queen of diamonds
always has an ace up her sleeve.
♪ ♪
- ♪ I'm coming back stronger,
oh, oh ♪
- Coming with me
to work today, River?
- ♪ I'm coming back stronger,
oh, oh ♪
♪ ♪
- Where the (BLEEP)
is the sugar?
- Now, let me make you
look sexy.
Come on, you need to
look your best.
- I'm leaving!
- ♪ I'm coming back stronger,
oh, oh ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I'm coming back stronger,
oh, oh ♪
- Call Harry Hamlin.
[phone chimes] - Calling...
[line beeps] Hamlin.
- ♪ Well, I'm coming back
stronger ♪
[cell phone rings]
- Good morning.
- How are you?
- You know, the uzh.
How was the studio last night?
You never called me after.
- Well, I have to
tell you something.
They have created a ballad,
and I think you're
really gonna like it.
It is titled "Missing Piece."
I say yes to everything.
So you want to write a book?
Let's write a (BLEEP)ing book.
You wanna do
"Dancing with the Stars"?
Do "Dancing with the Stars"
right here and now.
Let's make some more music,
let's make it today.
Everything is today,
nothing is tomorrow.
- I'll see you in a few hours.
- Okay. Sounds good.
Talk to you later. Bye-bye.
You're given opportunity
once in your lifetime.
So you really have to take
this moment
and make the most of it.
[upbeat music]
Because this moment is fleeting.
This moment is incredible,
given to very few.
So I'm gonna maximize
my mother(BLEEP)ing time.
[engine revs]
♪ ♪
Listen, I'm sorry I'm
running late. I apologize.
I'm, like, kind of
stuck in traffic.
- It's all good.
Totally understand.
You drive careful. I'll see
you when you get here.
It's all good.
- I would have never thought
that at this time in my life,
in my mid-40s, that I
would be where I am now.
Are you kidding me?
I got parodied on "SNL."
I remember, like, I was like,
"Tom! Tom! Tom!
Wake up! Wake up!"
He's like, "What? What?" You
know, like, "What's going on?"
♪ Bentleys and Benzes
through cash-colored lenses ♪
♪ Them dollars and cents,
cha-ching! ♪
♪ It's expensive to be me ♪
♪ ♪
I mean, I was into it, you know.
Everybody else was excited.
You know, Tom didn't care.
I mean, he's had a lot of
moments like this in his life.
I've had none, so...
- The whole Pretty Mess Krewe
is here.
Glam is setting up.
I got the team under control.
- You know, I'm here today
because of the support
of my husband.
- You hit the jackpot.
- I did more than she did.
Erika, of all
the stuff you've done,
this is the best.
It's very artistic
and beautiful.
- I love him.
He's proud of the growth,
for sure.
My business started at
the kitchen table.
Now I have an office.
So Erika Jayne's life
has exploded.
[upbeat music]
- Attitude. Beautiful.
- But now, like,
the real challenge
is staying on schedule, making
sure all these things happen.
- The demand for you live
in person performing is there.
- You know, the show that we
did at Pride was really good.
♪ Like Tyson ♪
♪ Everybody knows that ♪
♪ I'm a million dollar diamond ♪
♪ I'm reckless, offensive ♪
♪ I'll destroy your defenses ♪
- And the next step is
to go to, you know,
small arenas and theaters.
- So all these great things
are happening at one time.
All right, baby, thank you.
And I need more.
- I'll see you soon, babe.
Love you.
- I'll see you soon. Bye-bye!
[upbeat electronic music]
♪ ♪
- You know what, you guys?
I think they could be
coming through here.
- What are you doing?
- I'm looking for the rat.
- Thank God I'm moving.
- I think I'm with you now.
- Can we go sit down?
- All right, let's go sit
in the kitchen.
I was already getting sick.
That's why I have
a vitamin drip coming.
- Thank God. I love them.
They make you feel so good.
- Aren't they great?
Because we need it. We're busy.
- [coughs]
- You can't be sick
for the travel.
We leave tomorrow morning
at 6:45.
- I don't think I really
want to go tomorrow.
- Oh, really?
- It's just like,
I just got back from Europe
like three days ago.
- You know, I need your help.
- Yeah, 'cause I'll be
checking in to my hotel.
- Because here's the situation.
Amelia's 16 years old
and cannot check into a hotel
herself.
The girls are now both modeling.
It was Delilah's dream
and it was Amelia's dream
to both be signed by IMG.
We made Amelia wait
until she was 16.
My rule was, you have to wait
till you're 17,
but look what happens with
the second child.
Like, it all flies
out the window.
If the tables were turned,
would you want your older
sister to come and be with you?
- I just like... am I a nanny?
- I'll pay you to do it,
how about that?
- But I've been
traveling so much,
I just want to
chill for a second.
- I understand that, but do you
know what I did at your age?
I was working at
a sporting goods shop.
I'm a momager.
And I am working harder
on their careers
than I ever have on mine,
and you guys know I hustle.
Like, you know I work hard.
[intercom chimes]
Oh, will you...
That's the vitamin guy.
[doorbell chimes] Coming.
So I am in charge of everything.
This is Delilah and Amelia.
- Hi, Delilah and Amelia.
- Let's go up and set up
in the bedroom...
- Okay.
- Where you did me last time.
So to try to manage everything
and everybody
and, you know,
God love Harry Hamlin,
but let's just face it.
He's not doing sh...
- This will make me not sick
anymore, right?
- It's like a water with
all the different minerals,
vitamin B12, vitamin C.
It's gonna help you feel better
'cause we're hydrating you.
- Oh, my God.
- You okay?
- No.
- Aah.
- This won't hurt.
This won't hurt.
- Ooh, my arm's cold.
- How does it feel?
- Going real slow.
- Your bag is going so fast.
- I go fast, honey.
I suck that sh... up.
- [laughs] Like, this bag
did not stand a chance.
- No way.
- Do you do cortisone shots
on pimples?
- We do.
- You do that, too?
- Yeah, we do everything.
- Hey, Mom, don't move so much.
It's hurting me. - I'm sorry.
With the girls' newfound career
and success,
I find that it's very important
to keep them grounded.
- I put a little bit of
lidocaine to, like, numb it up.
- Yes! Get rid of my pimp.
- And what that means to me is,
they don't become so...
enamored by themselves.
- You guys are important people.
Got to make sure you're happy.
- Because everyone
is telling them
how fabulous they are,
how gorgeous they are.
That can go to your head.
So you gotta pack after this.
We'll get our nails done.
- Can I hire someone
to pack for me, though?
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Hello.
- Hey.
Both: How are you?
- I'm good. What's happening?
- What is that?
That is a very bad...
- A new addition.
- And your husband's
okay with it?
- I just say,
"Oh, this old thing."
But it needs a chair because
I don't want it to get ruined.
- Are you hiding it?
- I mean, I don't announce it.
It just shows up.
- You've been working
on the show.
You deserve it, right?
- Exactly.
"American Woman" is
inspired by my life
growing up with my mom
in the '70s.
- I want you to know the truth,
because a liar is
the worst thing you can be.
A stripper is also bad.
- It's definitely, you know,
real life with fiction.
Amazing, right?
- Ready to order?
- I'm gonna have
an arugula salad.
Can I add shrimp, please?
- Do you have chicken paillard?
- We have the chicken buzzo.
I can have them pound it
really thin for you.
- Okay, that's great.
I wanted to actually
plan a trip to Vegas
for Erika and Dorit's birthdays.
- Erika and Dorit together?
- Well, they... their birthdays
are, like, days apart.
- And Rinna's.
- That's right,
Rinna's, too.
- All within a few days
of each other, yeah.
I'm not sure how Dorit
is going to react
seeing Lisa Rinna in Vegas.
Rinna really...
She went down and dirty.
She was rolling in the mud.
- Were people doing coke
in your bathroom?
- Oh, come on.
- No.
- I mean, I hope Rinna's
learned her lesson.
You can't just go around
slandering somebody's
reputation.
- We invite them both.
They're gonna have to just,
you know, get over it.
- Coming up...
- I've done renovations
on our house...
- Oh, wow.
- Here in Beverly Hills.
[screeches]
- We can't get
the truck up, babe.
- We went well over our budget.
Oh, my God.
- Well, who else
- Well, who else
would we invite?
- We'll invite Camille.
- Camille.
- She's friends with them. Yeah.
A bouncer for the plane.
- I mean, if you tell Erika
to pack her underwear,
then they'll be good.
- Did you see her on
"Dancing with the Stars"?
I never got to go.
I felt so bad.
- No, I didn't get to go.
I wanted to go,
but you know what?
Whenever I text her,
there's never anything
that comes back to me.
I don't know.
- All of my life
I've been in situations
where one friend doesn't
like another friend.
- Thank you.
- I felt put in the middle
between Lisa Rinna,
Erika, and Dorit,
and I try not to put myself
in that position
with my friends anymore.
So I invite who
I want to invite,
and whoever's not comfortable,
they don't have to come.
- You gonna eat your lunch?
- I'm on a diet. I'm gonna be
in Vegas in a bathing suit.
Do you mind? [laughs]
- Oh, trust me,
my bathing suit days are over.
- Know what we could also do
is go out dancing in Vegas.
Do you want to go dancing?
Erika's got the moves.
- Scratch the puss,
scratch the puss.
- It's not scratch the puss,
it's pat the puss.
- I was gonna buy her
some medication for that.
[lively music]
♪ ♪
- What are you doing?
- I'm making something, Mommy.
- Would that something
be a poo-poo?
Are you making poo-poo?
- No.
- Okay, good.
Jags, are you excited for
your music class?
- Yes.
- Are you excited to meet
some new friends?
- I don't know which friends
and their names.
- We'll meet them for
the first time together.
Jagger and I have always had
this extremely close connection.
I mean, I've always
understood him.
Jagger, what would
you like for lunch?
- Aah.
- Jagger, you can't have
ice cream for lunch.
You ready, munchkin? - No.
- Are you sure?
- No.
- Now, watching him speak,
he gets to verbalize
exactly what's going on
in his head.
Thank you, Juan.
Thank you, okay.
- Thank you Juan.
- Oh.
- I said it, too!
- You do, just like Mommy.
And he loves to be around
other kids,
which is why I really felt like
I needed to get him into
maybe some of these classes.
- Give me a high five.
- Hello!
- Hi, I'm Teddi.
- I'm Dorit. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, Teddi.
- Hi, buddy!
- Hi.
- Look, my son's got the mic.
This is my husband.
This is Edwin.
- Hi. I'm Dorit.
Very nice to meet you.
- Good to meet you.
- You, too.
- Likewise.
- Cruz, come here real quick.
Can we go say hi to Jagger?
- This is Slate.
- Hi, Slate.
- Say, what's up?
- So cool.
- Slate loves
a little fashion, so...
- I know, she's really
into fashion.
- I have a daughter
16 months old
already a massive fashionista.
- I'm like the total opposite.
I grew up riding horses
and was a professional
equestrian,
so I am the world's
most awkward dresser.
So I will need help...
- Well, you're clearly not,
my darling.
You're absolutely not.
Teddi and I have
a mutual friend in common,
and I give a lot of credit
to a woman
who's hosting a music class
for other moms that
she's never even met.
- Come on over, everybody.
Let's play some music together.
We're the BeatBuds. - Whoo!
- Let's sit down.
Let's relax a little bit.
Okay, let's shake it.
♪ Here we go ♪
♪ ♪
- I definitely see a big change
in Jagger's personality.
- [monkey sounds]
- Watching him speak
and he's animated
and he's imaginative.
- ♪ Monkey ♪
- He's all around just
a more confident,
fun, you know, excited child.
- Whoo!
- Very good, everyone.
Could everyone say good-bye
to Mike the Monkey?
Okay, he's Magic Mike,
the monkey.
- Well, fun for everyone then.
- Bye.
- Bye, everybody.
- Come on, Mommy.
- Do you want a glass
of champagne?
- If I'm not the only one.
- No, it's all...
It's all of us, honey.
- Then definitely.
- Do you want any
water or juice?
He's like, I want
the trampoline.
- Oh, my gosh. I've gotta
get him a trampoline.
- No, it's the... it's the...
- Oh, my God!
This is another world for me.
We have spent the last...
Wanna come out, Bubba?
We spent the last
four and a half months
in Miami. - Wow!
- Yes.
- Doing what?
- I've done renovations
on our house...
- Oh, wow.
- Here in Beverly Hills.
So I had to move out
for, like, four months.
The last four months in Miami
was a lot of family time.
I got to reconnect
and spend a lot of time
with my kids,
and I watched them flourish
into these little people.
- He's like, should I go
or should I not?
- He'll go back
and forth ten times.
And now that we're back
in Beverly Hills,
I feel like I can connect
with other moms
whilst our kids are
playing together.
I want to meet moms
that have kids.
- Honestly, the moms
that I met out here...
Like, I lived out here
since I was 17.
I was like, you know what?
I miss riding horses.
It's what I grew up doing,
and so then I did that
for, like, 15 years.
- Wow.
- But I didn't know
any young moms. - Right.
- And so that's when I, like,
started doing things like this.
- Oh, I love it.
- Because it's just something
for the kids to look forward to.
- One of... just, you know,
you mentioned
that you're really into horses,
and one of my best friends,
her name is Lisa,
she's really into horses.
She rides every morning.
She's obsessed.
Her vacations are around
where she can bring the horses.
- That's incredible.
- I know. It's so amazing.
- I'm like, wow.
- Pie in the sky.
- Pie in the sky.
Go for it, Jaggy.
- Whoo!
- Wow!
This is the best thing
ever, Teddi.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Hey, are you having problems
with the Internet?
- I'm on the regular,
not the 5G.
- What?
- Are you 5?
[knock on door]
- Wait, hold on.
We have to get a doorbell
or something.
Nobody can hear anybody.
- Ding-dong.
- Aah!
- Hi!
- How are you?
- Good. How are you?
- Get on in here.
I'm good. Nice to see you.
- Oh! I'm sorry.
Nice to see you, too.
- Welcome to the new place.
- Oh, my God, this is amazing.
- Isn't it fun?
- Wait, is this
what you stand on?
- Yeah, you stand up there
and you get tailored.
- I need to come over here
to get dressed.
- You know, doctors
go to their offices,
lawyers go to their offices,
Erika Jayne goes to her office.
Throw your bag down.
That's cool. That's pretty.
Is that new?
- Maybe, this old thing?
[laughter]
Oh, my gosh, this is giving me
Beverly Hills Hotel
vibes over here.
- You know I'm obsessed
with banana leaves.
Let me show you the most
important room in this place.
So you get in here...
- This is amazing.
- Okay.
- Be prepared, don't get scared.
- One, two...
- Two, three.
- Oh, my God!
- Don't worry,
everybody freaks out.
- Thank God you're gorgeous.
That's a lot of light.
- Let me tell you something,
you can turn it off now.
- Wait.
- Because this is
what this is for.
- We always say if you
look good in this light...
[together]
You look good anywhere.
- This is amazing.
This is giving me ideas.
You know I'm redoing
my whole house?
We're gonna be going to
Croatia, so while we're there,
they're supposed to be
putting our floors in.
Supposedly.
- I love the idea of
the pool like this,
getting a nice, beautiful
feature on the hardscape
over here. - Yeah.
- Let's go sit in our...
In our other room.
- My husband wanted to
buy a new house,
and being in real estate,
he'll call me and he'll say,
"Honey, please come out
and look at this house.
I love it. You've gotta see it."
And every time I go I say, no.
I love my house more. Sorry.
Look at this,
"Dancing with the Stars."
I feel so bad, the whole time
I was either working
or then away. I'm sorry I never
got to come over there.
- That's okay.
- I really wanted to come
and see.
- It's okay.
That was a great experience.
It was tough.
I felt like fish out of water,
style-wise.
Like, all of a sudden,
I had to unlearn everything
that I had learned and let
someone else take control,
which is not something
that I'm familiar with,
performing-wise. - Right.
- So it was very...
They want to have a "Dancing
with the Stars" All-Stars?
Bitch, call me, 'cause
I-I know your number now.
I got... I got...
I got the playbook.
I'm ready. Call me.
- I was thinking...
okay, you know your birthday
is one day before Lisa Rinna's.
- Yes.
- And then Dorit is the 16th,
so I was thinking the other day,
maybe we could,
if everyone was open to it,
do a fun girls' trip.
- Coming up...
- I'm in charge here, buddy.
One, two...
When people find out
my dad's John Mellencamp...
I kind of thought everybody's
dad was on the radio.
- So I was thinking
- So I was thinking
the other day,
maybe we could,
if everyone was open to it,
do a fun girls' trip.
♪ ♪
And I was thinking
to get a plane
and go to Vegas.
- Get the (BLEEP) outta here!
I hate you right now.
- If we were to get on a plane,
go dancing,
stay at the Palazzo...
- Really?
- Go to the stores
at the Venetian.
- You know, with these ladies
at any minute,
the bottom could fall out.
So pack your own chute.
I mean, like... - Well...
- Let's address
the elephant in the room.
- I know.
- What's going on?
- I mean, listen,
a lot of stuff happened.
- You're the only one
in this group
that I haven't managed to
somehow connect with.
- Because I don't like
bullsh..., Dorit,
and that's what I think you are.
- Then why don't you just
(BLEEP) say it? - I just did.
- I just thought
it would be fun.
I was like, well, I don't know
if anyone would be open to it,
but if not, we could do
something here instead, but...
- I want to go to Vegas. Yes!
- Yay!
- Are you serious?
- Yes. I thought it
would be fun.
- I won't... I won't act bad.
When we last left it, I said,
I would be willing to
go slow and try again.
And I mean that.
If there is progress,
it'll be a slow thing.
I'm not totally opposed,
but we need to start over.
Let's see what happens.
Yeah, I think we can...
- All of you are the same sign,
the three of you.
- I want to have fun with you.
- Crazy.
- Cancer crazy.
- Cancer equals crazy.
[upbeat music]
- Let's see the race.
Show Daddy how fast you go.
Ready.
- All right, let's go.
I'm gonna run like a bear.
- Hold on.
You wait till I say go.
I'm in charge here, buddy.
One, two, three!
- Come on.
- Winned. I winned!
- Powey. Powey.
- Where's the competitive
spirit, Cruzy?
- I grew up in a town called
Hilton Head in South Carolina.
Hilton Head Island is like,
you can't get a house there
for under $1 million.
- I passed the line.
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
Growing up, I lived well,
but regardless how much money
my family had,
I knew the value
of a dollar, always.
- Daddy, can you jump in here?
- [gasps]
- Hold on, Mama.
Well, don't you want
your brother to come up?
- But he doesn't... he
wants to play with Mommy.
- How I met my husband,
I could try to
sugarcoat it a little,
but it was a one-night stand.
It was supposed to be
a one-night stand.
I woke up with some guy,
I thought his name was Edward.
His name is Edwin!
Can I have a kiss?
- Powey, do you want to
jump with us?
- Are you ready to
jump high, Powey?
- Aah!
- Oh, golly.
- Powey, your butt crack's
hanging out.
My dad is John Mellencamp.
He is in the Rock and Roll
Hall of Fame.
It kind of makes me laugh
when everybody's like,
oh, do you have a favorite song
that your dad sings?
I mean, let's keep it
in perspective.
In the '80s, like,
my nine-year-old friends,
we didn't give a (BLEEP).
We cared about My Little Pony,
Care Bears.
You wanna come out? [grunts]
I kinda thought everybody's
dad was on the radio.
- You just gonna leave me here?
- You can come.
- I can come?
- Slate, we gotta
get ready for school.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
Ready, Pow? Do you want a snack?
You want one snacky?
Can you say please? Cruz?
Say please. - [murmuring]
- Yeah, don't eat that,
Celeste. I know you want it.
Cruz, you have swimming today.
[groans]
Just because I grew up
with a father
that was considered "famous,"
he didn't live like that.
He didn't act that way.
Thanks so much, Celeste.
Edwin will just pick him up,
and if you can come back
in the afternoon.
Nothing was just handed to me
on a silver platter,
and I want my kids to
know the same,
'cause then you don't
appreciate thing.
You think you deserve them.
- Love you.
- Bye, honey.
I love you.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[screeching]
- Keep going.
[screeches]
- Oh, my God.
- We can't get
the truck up, babe.
- They have to just
bring the boxes, baby.
- Yeah, it looks like it.
- I hope you've got
good tipping money, 'cause
these boys are gonna be
working really hard.
- I'll get some tipping money,
yeah, if they're still alive
after they've done it.
- Oh, my God!
We definitely had a budget
for our renovations
for the house.
PK usually deals with that.
But I can say without
a shadow of doubt
that we went well over
our budget, I'm sure.
I thought it'd be
a great opportunity
to do like
an indoor/outdoor space.
The outside,
we had put teak wood
in both the backdrop
and also the floor.
I felt that the kitchen
really needed
a good face-lift.
I'm gonna go start setting up
the makeup and everything.
Thanks, guys.
And of course, the master closet
is basically always too small.
This new master closet
was custom made
and everything was
brought in from Italy.
It's fit for a princess.
- Boy, it's warm in here.
- It's probably 'cause
we had the doors open, Bubba.
I've got a big week
this week, Bubba.
- You were gonna go to
Vegas with Rinna?
- [groans]
- With Erika?
- Yep.
- I know that, like,
you and Erika have had issues
and Lisa Rinna and all that,
but I feel like, you know,
it's been a while.
Maybe it's time to like just go
and have the best time.
- All right, listen.
- You think I should be worried?
- Last time I saw Erika,
she was really horrible to me.
You know, I've listened
to Rinna call me a pervert
and staring up the dresses
all the time.
- Hey, I'm a whore,
so you know what?
How do you think I feel?
- What I'm saying...
- I'm not worried about
your feelings!
- Rinna was just a joke,
horrible.
- Lisa Rinna deliberately
came after me,
and she did it to
defame my character
and to hurt me.
Are you suggesting that I
got up from the dinner table...
- No. No.
- And went to do drugs?
I've got two little babies,
but they have...
They live in a coke den.
Kyle thinks that we can
all be together
celebrating our birthdays
harmoniously.
- I'm gonna keep my opinions
to myself.
- Coming up...
How do you feel about Erika now?
Well, I'll... I might
pray with you actually.
- [gasps] Ooh.
- I know.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Can I get you something
to drink to start?
- I'll just have
an ice water for now.
- Ice water. Okay, you got it.
♪ ♪
- Thanks, Juan.
- Hi. Are you
joining us for dinner?
- I am, a drink anyway.
- Perfect.
- I'll be back if you need
anything, okay?
- Okay, great. Thank you.
- Hi, Teddi!
- Hey, babe.
- Hi!
- How are you?
- I really want Teddi
to meet Lisa V.
I think that they would
get on really well.
She's great fun. She's got
a great sense of humor.
And obviously, the fact that
they both love horses
is definitely a reason
for them to meet.
- Lisa!
- Hello.
- Hi, gorgeous.
- Hi, darling.
- I want you to meet...
Teddi. - Hi.
- This is Lisa.
- Nice to meet you.
- I so love the name Teddi,
I can't even tell you.
- Actually, my name was
pretty country at...
It was Teddi Jo.
- Teddi Jo?
- Teddi Jo!
- I've got one of those names,
nobody says it right ever.
- But they're called you
a lot worse.
- Oh, yeah, haven't they?
- So where are you from?
- Hilton Head, South Carolina.
- Oh, how long have
you lived here?
- I don't know, 20 years.
- And you're married.
Can I ask all
the questions or not?
- Oh, yeah, you can ask
all the questions.
- Feel free to ask me questions.
One thing about me is if you
don't have a sense of humor
we won't be friends.
- That I'm good with.
I would describe
my sense of humor as dry.
Sometimes people don't know
if I'm joking or not
but, like, you'll see
a glimmer in my eye
and you'll know it's a joke
and if it took you
an extra minute, it's okay.
She mentioned that
you were into horses.
- I knew you would connect.
- I've just gotten off mine...
- What?
- Like two hours ago.
I love him. I mean, I...
He's not just...
I don't just ride him.
He's my pet, you know?
- Right.
- Do you guys want
anything to eat?
- I think we just
need tuna tostada...
- Oh, that's a good choice.
- Just to have
a little something. Thank you.
- Absolutely. Thanks, ladies.
- Kyle and I have decided
we're, like, doing
a trip in Vegas.
It's Dorit's birthday
and then Erika's birthday,
who you don't know, and then
Lisa Rinna's birthday.
And so it's everyone's birthday.
Well, I'll... I might
pray with you actually.
- Oh.
- [gasps] Ooh.
- I know.
- I had a little moment
with her. - Little moment?
- You know, I don't want to...
I like her.
I want her to stay around.
I don't want to, like,
scare her right off the bat.
- On your... something you did
or something they did?
- Well...
there's two different scenarios.
- Okay.
- So there's Erika
and then there's Lisa Rinna,
and they're two
separate instances.
- How do you feel
about Erika now?
- I haven't had any
communication with her.
So I don't really know,
you know.
I think it's a matter of
when we see each other.
Erika and I didn't leave off
on the greatest foot,
and she went after my husband,
which doesn't fly well with me.
If I'm not harboring resentment,
then I am very precautious.
I'm a little bit worried,
because I don't want to
spend three days
with somebody that treated me
as cold as she treated me.
So it's gonna depend on
what attitude she brings.
I thought Erika and I were
gonna be fast friends
because I just thought we had
a lot of things in common,
and she was never
very warm to me.
- You know, she's not that
warm to me either, Dorit.
I've reached out so many times,
trust me.
- I feel like I'm prepared to
kind of like move past it.
We all do have a laugh together.
- So then go have a laugh.
Take all the rest of the stuff
and throw it away. - Exactly.
- I guess that's how I feel,
which is the reason why
I agreed to go on this trip,
because I want...
- So when's your birthday?
- So my birthday's next week.
- Mine's tomorrow.
- Tomorrow?
- Yeah.
- Your birthday's tomorrow?
- Yes.
- Your birthday's tomorrow?
- Yes.
- What are you doing tomorrow?
- Will you come to Vegas?
- Oh, my God!
Oh, my God. I have not been to
Vegas in a long time.
- If you would like to join us...
- Oh, my God.
- No, but I'm serious.
If you're brave enough
after what you've heard.
- Only the strongest survive.
- Will you come?
- What's your husband gonna say?
Will he let you go?
- I think he'll
probably let me go.
- Yay!
- Yeah?
- [squeals]
[upbeat dance music]
- Portia.
Too flashy or good for Vegas?
Do you like this, this bag?
Okay. Well, think about it
and get back to me.
- Okay, so all the shoes
will go on this side.
- What are we gonna put in here?
- That's where
all the clothes go.
- Where does this go?
- You wanna go in there?
- No!
- Let me see if I can fit.
- Ah, bummer.
If you did, you
could've come with me.
- Oh.
♪ ♪
- All right,
so what are we wearing?
- So I was thinking
this whole Gucci...
- Oh, yay! I've been
waiting to wear that.
- This Gucci ensemble.
White pumps fo sheezy.
Obviously, we're bringing
Preston and Clyde with us,
because, you know,
glam always comes first.
- You know, what can I say?
I mean, I don't know.
I like clothes.
- This could be fun for
the plane maybe, right?
- Yeah, I would
plane moment this.
- Plane moment.
- There's the closet,
the overflow closet,
the clubhouse closet.
Pretty soon, I'm gonna
need an aircraft hangar.
- Maybe with
those Versace shoes.
- Cary Grant had one.
- We're always trying to figure
out this Moschino moment.
- No, we have it figured out.
We just don't have
the right place.
- Right.
- This is not the place.
- Not the place, okay.
- No.
- We'll save her.
She's a Pretty Mess Krewe
after-party moment.
- She's not...
- She's not... not these girls.
- No, no, not for these women.
- Coming up...
- Poor ol' Teddi got kind of
thrown in at the last minute.
- I know.
♪ ♪
- Hey, how are you?
- [inhales deeply,
exhales sharply]
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- I hope you haven't kind of
ordered the "Spruce Goose."
- What do you mean,
the "Spruce Goose"?
- An old plane.
- Do you think
I'm gonna do that?
I'm the one who's
the nervous Nelly.
- Hello, my girls!
- Oh, my God.
- Hi.
- Oh, wow.
- You look stunning.
- So do you.
How cool are those? Stella?
- These are Prada.
What's happening?
You look gorgeous.
- Thanks.
I just flew in from Hawaii
and I'm absolutely exhausted.
- Hello!
- Hello, my dear.
- Hey, gorgeous!
- Your hair changes
minute by minute.
- I like it like this.
- Of course it does.
- I have no idea what
Dorit's real hair looks like.
I mean, for all I know,
she could be bald.
- She's going for
the freshly shagged look.
- Yes.
- I love it.
- Freshly shagged, hopefully.
- She's got curly hair,
she's got straight hair,
she's got bangs,
she's got no bangs.
Did you always have bangs?
It reminds me of this doll
I had when I was little.
You could, like,
crank the hair out
and, like, wear it long
and chop it off
and pull it out again.
- Hi, Teddi!
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, too.
- This is Camille.
- Hi.
- Teddi. both: Nice to meet you.
- Teddi and I have
children the same age.
- Poor ol' Teddi got kind of
thrown in at the last minute.
- I know.
- I know.
It got a little bit
in through the side.
- Hi, Erika.
- Hey, how are you? Cute hair.
- Thank you.
- How are you?
Nice to see you.
- Good to see you.
- Thank you.
- How are you?
- Hey, gorgeous. Look at you.
Nice to see you.
- [inhales deeply,
exhales sharply]
Okay, deep breaths.
- This is Teddi.
- Hi. Erika. Nice to meet you.
Let's have fun. I don't want
to fight with anybody.
I don't want to upset anyone.
Fresh beginnings.
Happy birthday. Yay.
- Where's Rinna?
Isn't it her birthday?
Is she coming? - It is.
She said she's gonna
let me know.
- Okay.
- She's in New York.
- She's in New York with her
girls on some modeling job.
- A shoot.
- And she said
I'm gonna try to get there.
- Okay, good.
- I invited Eileen,
but she couldn't come
because she's shooting,
I guess, so...
We're gonna have so much fun!
Lisa Rinna is fun
and she doesn't take things
too seriously,
and it would feel weird
not to include her.
And I do want her to come.
I don't want there
to be an issue
between her and Dorit.
- [laughs]
All right, then.
- I mean, who wants to fight
on their birthday in Las Vegas?
Hopefully nobody.
- What's the temperature?
- Light winds and 75 degrees...
- Chanel.
- And Chanel.
[laughter]
- Lisa's like...
- I know.
- Teddi doesn't like
to shop, guys.
[playful music]
- I know. I think I'm
the odd man out with that one.
- How about carrying bags?
- Only your bags.
[laughter]
- I find that I buy the most
sh... when I've had a cocktail.
A little bit of buzzed shopping,
and everything all of a sudden
looks real good.
Hey, that's pretty.
Could I take a peek at that?
The price on this ring,
please, ma'am.
- 1680.
- I do make some
tipsy purchases.
One time I bought Mikey and I
twin Chanel bags.
We still use them.
[cell phone rings]
- Ooh, Lisa Rinna.
Hello.
- Kyle.
- Yes.
- How are you?
- I'm good. I'm actually
sitting here in the airport.
- Guess what, I figured it out.
I got the girls covered.
I'm getting on a flight
and I'm gonna be able to meet
you guys in Vegas tonight.
- All right.
- Whoo!
- We're gonna be heading
to the plane...
- Yay!
- And taking off here
in a little bit. - Yay!
- So we'll be seeing you there.
- It would definitely be
a better trip for me
if Lisa Rinna wasn't going,
because I do have
unresolved feelings with her.
- Okay, we'll see you there.
Both: Bye.
- But Lisa, Kyle, and I
have such a laugh together.
I mean, when we get together,
it's guaranteed
we're gonna have
such a great time.
[lively music]
♪ ♪
- Hi, welcome. I'm Pat.
I'll be your flight attendant.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
♪ ♪
- You can hold my foot.
Here, let's do this.
- Oh.
- This is how we take off when
we don't have our husbands.
Happy birthday, girls!
- Happy birthday!
Whoo!
- Nice to meet you.
Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
- Happy birthday.
- Good to see you, Camille.
- Good to see you, too.
[clattering]
- What is that sound?
- No...
- No, it works.
- That's what you
fly like every week?
[clattering]
Yay!
- I love life! [laughs]
I'm so thankful for everything.
I don't like turbulence.
(BLEEP)ing hell. Oh, my God.
- Are you crazy?
- Holy (BLEEP)ing sh...
- Pull yourself together.
- Do people enjoy that?
Do people go, "Oh, my gosh!
This is so much fun!"
We're, like, flopping
around in the air
and a wing feels like
it could snap off.
I'm usually good, right?
- You're usually good.
- I don't like that part.
Lisa, you bitch. That's my bag.
Are you kidding me? - Oh!
What are you doing?
- You just dumped that all in
my new Birkin bag, you asshole.
- I didn't go anywhere near you.
Oh, my God, this is
absolutely ridiculous.
I mean, this bag
only costs about $14,000.
[laughs]
- Why do you have
an electric toothbrush?
[laughter]
- I have a whole glass in here.
- I think she should
buy you a new one.
I think that it's my birthday
and Lisa Vanderpump should
buy us all Birkin bags.
- It's the new
Vanderpump Chardonnay.
- I love that.
[laughter]
[upbeat music]
Okay, baby, we're here.
- Vegas, baby!
♪ ♪
- Hello, how are you?
- Hi.
- Hi, how are you?
- Welcome to the Palazzo,
ladies.
- Thank you. Happy to be here.
- Oh, my God.
- We'll head right over
into our VIP lounge,
get you all checked in,
and then we have
one of our beautiful
presidential suites
ready for you for the weekend.
- I knew these two took
the presidential suite.
- [laughs]
- So typical.
- [laughs]
- Throw us in
a (BLEEP)ing broom closet.
- Well, it was available.
- Right.
- Hi, ladies.
- Hello, how are you, Alex?
- Welcome to the Palazzo.
- Nice to meet you. Kyle.
- Great to have you.
- Oh, thank you. It's gorgeous.
- Wow, this is posh.
- I'm going to my room.
I'm gonna set my stuff down.
- Look at the view.
- Oh, lovely.
- Lisa Vanderpump
always wants the best room,
but she's not gonna get it.
I've got my room!
- Kyle.
- Already taken.
I mean, she just destroyed my
brand-new Birkin on the plane.
It's only fair that
I get the better room.
- Is that what you did,
you sneaky cow?
You just ran around
to choose the best bedroom.
- [laughs]
♪ ♪
- Wow! It's beautiful.
You know what?
I don't have any cash.
- It's okay.
- But I promise...
I promise I'm gonna
try to find you later.
- All right. Enjoy.
- Thank you.
- Lisa!
What are you girls
wearing tonight?
Well... I want to
show you some options,
because I'm trying to figure
out what we'll wear tonight
versus tomorrow night. - Okay.
So what's the game plan?
- I booked a reservation
at Chica,
and then we are going to Tao
after, the nightclub.
- Oh, my God, I forgot,
Lisa Rinna's coming.
- Lisa Rinna is coming.
- Is everybody good
with Lisa now?
I haven't see her in a while.
- You know, for me, I just try
to keep it totally separate.
- Mm-hmm.
- Like, you know,
my sister and Lisa and...
I have to.
What else am I gonna do?
I bumped into Harry on a hike,
'cause we hike in the same area.
So I was like, "Hi!"
and he was like...
And I thought,
well, that's kind of weird.
And he says to me, "So what are
we gonna do about your sister?
She obviously cannot be around
this group ever, ever again."
And he was clearly
really upset about it.
- Coming up...
- Hello, everyone.
- Oh!
- Hello!
- Lisa.
- I bumped into Harry
- I bumped into Harry on a hike,
'cause we hike in the same area.
So I was like, "Hi!"
and he was like...
And I thought,
well, that's kind of weird.
And he says to me, "So what are
we gonna do about your sister?
She obviously cannot be around
this group ever, ever again."
- This is for your grandchild.
- Oh, thank you.
I brought the bunny
'cause it didn't feel like
it had good energy.
[dramatic music]
- And he was clearly
really upset about it.
So it was just weird.
- So you've never
discussed it with anybody?
- No.
I can think of so many things
that I would rather do
than talk to Lisa Rinna
about Harry Hamlin.
Pap smear. Root canal.
Enema.
- I'm okay with her,
but I don't know that...
- Mm-hmm.
- Dorit can be.
- Yeah, that would
be a hard one.
- It's a recipe for disaster.
[upbeat music]
- Girls, I have two options.
One is really tight
and really short.
- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
- And the other one
is extremely tight
and extremely short.
Which dress do I go with?
- Definitely go with
the short, tight one.
[laughter]
- I think we're going
to a club tonight.
- Sounds good. Yeah.
Stand up straight.
Thank you. - Oh, Justine!
My hair and makeup stylists
travel with me
wherever I go
to give me this.
[laughs]
I can't live without 'em!
[upbeat music]
- Louboutins?
- No.
- Versace.
- Versace.
- Very important question
number two.
Cartier or are we giving
a banjee girl effect?
- Do that.
- Yeah.
- Are we gonna plump
with a spice lip liner?
- Yep.
- No polite lips.
- No.
- A polite lip is very basic
and nothing that says,
ooh, I want to kiss you,
or let me stick it in there.
It's just kind of like,
eh, eh, whatever.
No one wants a polite anything.
- No. Never.
Always DSLs.
- Always.
- DSL is an overdrawn, over-wet
dick sucking lip.
I always like my mouth
to be overdrawn.
DSL, you know?
Who doesn't like a big mouth?
[upbeat dance music]
♪ ♪
- You look fantastic.
Very Vegas, right?
- Oh, you look gorgeous.
- Wow!
- Oh, wow!
Amazing. - You look gorgeous.
- Thank you.
- You look gorgeous, too.
- Very Vegas appropriate.
[doorbell rings]
- You look beautiful.
- Thank you.
- Shall we have a drink then?
- Yes.
- Oh!
- Oh!
You look gorgeous.
- Hello, girls.
- Hello, darling.
- Come on in.
- Oh, you look stunning.
- Why are the hostesses in
a fabulous presidential suite?
I thought we were
the birthday girls.
- Vodka club soda
coming right up.
- Honey, I don't think I can
drink a vodka club soda
in a champagne glass, though.
- Don't worry,
I have you covered.
- How do I... [laughs]
- You're gonna be drinking that
when Lisa Rinna gets here.
- Where's your butler, Kyle?
- I don't know. [laughter]
[doorbell rings]
- You are definitely not
the hostess with
the mostest, Kyle.
- [laughs]
[doorbell rings] - Oh.
- Hello. Wow!
- Hi.
Both: Look at you.
- Yeah, look at you, sexy mama.
When you look at Teddi,
I would actually like
to see Teddi naked.
I mean, that sounds bizarre,
but from what I see of her,
it's like this tight,
fit little thing.
I think she looks
absolutely fabulous.
[doorbell rings]
- Who is this?
- Hey! Hi!
- Hello!
- Everybody's looking
so sexy and...
- Wow! Hello, everyone.
- Hello!
- Hello!
- Lisa!
- [scoffs] God!
- Hello.
- Hello, Lisa Rinna.
- Next time on
"The Real Housewives
of Beverly Hills"...
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
- Yay!
[all exclaiming]
- It's an ice dildo.
Can I use it on you?
- Just stop it! Whoo!
[laughs and screams]
- I won!
- Oh, my God!
- Aah!
- How was it growing up
with your dad?
- Well, I don't know him.
- Oh.
- Wow.
- All right, well...
- I'm being an asshole.
- Erika comes off to me
like a cool girl,
you know, like
I'm too cool for anything.
- Your words are so low
that they can really
affect people's lives.
- Listen, Dorit,
I would like you
to see me for who I really am.
[dramatic music]
- To learn more about
the housewives,