The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 6, Episode 2 - Tuscany! - full transcript

- Previously, on "The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills"...

- How are you feeling, Yolanda?
- Not great.

I've been all over the world,

and tried many,
many different treatments.

- Be patient.

- I've been patient
for three years.

- Everybody's just kind of
getting through it.

Vincent's father,
Dick Van Patten,

passed away very recently.

- He was the dad that
I grew up with on TV.

- Right.



- Kim, it can be very
complicated.

- They're always having
a go at you, really.

- Happy birthday.
- Aww!

- We all have this armor
that we wear,

in our hair and our makeup,

and Yolanda showed up vulnerable

without any of her protection.

- She looked terrible.

[upbeat music]

- My lips were made for talking,

and that's just what they'll do.

- In Beverly Hills,
you can be anything,

but it's most important
to be yourself.

- I'm an enigma
wrapped in a riddle and cash.



- I may be an actress,

but that doesn't mean
I'll stick to your script.

- Fake friends
believe in rumors.

Real friends believe in you.

- I'm passionate about dogs,
just not crazy about bitches.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- I'm almost ready, honey. I
know you're on a time crunch.

How many showings
do you have today?

- Five showings.
- Five? On a Saturday?

- Well, we're leaving tomorrow,

so I don't have
much of a choice.

Somebody's got to pay
for the vacation.

- We're starting out
on The French Riviera,

and then going to Tuscany,
Florence,

and then we'll end up
in London for my niece

Nicky Hilton's wedding.

- I love that it's just...
Both: It's just the family.

- No, Lisa and Ken were asking
last night about the boat.

Like, "How come you
only invited us to Italy,

and not on the boat?"

- We're not inviting anybody.
- Okay.

- We're inviting Lisa and Ken
to join us in Tuscany,

it'll be amazing... - Yeah.

- But on the boat, it'll just be
the us, the family, no big deal.

- Nicky is marrying
James Rothschild,

and their wedding is going to
be a fairytale wedding.

They're getting married at
Kensington Palace

in the Kensington Gardens.

And it is going to be...

pretty spectacular.

- I did this wrong,
so don't look.

[laughs]

It'll taste good though,
I promise.

- Amazing.

- Ken? Ken?

- [whispers] Hey ba-ba-ba-ba.

- Does this belong in Italy?
Tell me.

What do you think?

- I love that.

- I've got to take
a dress for Kyle.

The wedding, she asked me...

The wedding she's going to,
Nicky's wedding.

- Why have you got to take it?

- Because she doesn't
know what to wear,

so I said I'd just
take something.

- Will your dresses fit her,
though?

- Yeah, we're the same size...
- Oh, are you?

- I'm just a little taller.

- Six inches taller.

- No I'm not,
I'm like three or four.

But we always exaggerate
when it comes to size

and length, darling, don't we?

- Ah, this is it.

- This is good for the wedding,
right?

It's like, a black tie wedding,

- For Kyle?
- Yeah.

- She's not used to something
as fashionable as that.

- Oh, shut up, you are so mean.

- I mean, you got a... a...
A muumuu?

She loves those.
- They're not bloody muumuus.

I mean, she wears
flowing dresses.

- I feel very Spanish in this.

- Ready, my love?
- Yep.

My butt is gonna show! all: Aah!

- Feels so weird, right?

- A muumuu is something you wear
when you've got a lot to hide.

She doesn't have
anything to hide.

- She loves muumuus.

- But listen, this is
beautiful, right?

Badgley Mischka. It'll fit her.

- I love that dress.

- I just need to know
how many outfits I need.

- You only need two.

And then just have, like,
a little black dress.

- Honey.
- And a little white dress.

And then put different
accessories with it,

and you're done. [laughs]

- What are you, Tom Ford?
That's not happening.

My husband's favorite word
is "efficiency."

We each get one bag
and a carry-on.

So our one bag is... that big.

- What time
do we leave tomorrow?

- I don't know. You're the boss.

When it comes to traveling.

- This is cute.

- I like that,
but am I gonna sit here

and go through everything you're
gonna take on holiday, baby?

- What have you got to do, then?

- I mean, I do work
for a living.

- What do you do, exactly?
Lie there and cuddle puppies?

- Can we hurry up.
- No.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Did you notice anything...
different?

- Those are huge!
- Those are beautiful.

Who got those for you?
- Harry Hamlin.

- Did you get those for your
birthday?

- Yep. Pretty, right?

- Big for me. I deserve it.

Hello.
They're very comfortable too.

You know, I'm not
a big jewelry person.

- Yeah, you never really wear,
like, big pieces.

- I really never wear
anything... hardly.

- Mm-hmm.
- Are they heavy?

- No.
- Really hot.

- I don't feel them at all.

- These earrings are big,
fat fáááing diamonds.

Like, simple, big,
fat fáááing diamonds.

And I've always wanted big,
fat fáááing diamond earrings,

but I didn't think
they'd be that big.

- You know what I was thinking
we should do,

I haven't talked
to Nana and Nampa.

- Yeah.
- Let's just call them

really quick, and say hi.
- Mm-hmm.

- Remember that time that
she sat... was it...

- [gasps]
- Nana or Nampa?

- That's on YouTube!
- That sat...

- Can I find it?

- Yeah, that sat in the chair
and fell back?

- Oh, I found it, I found it.
- Oh!

- [clapping]
- Oh, my God.

- Hi. Hi, there.

[all laugh]

- We were just...

[all gasping, laughing]

- I don't call my parents
as much as I should.

I feel guilty about that.

I wish I could call and be there
more, so when I do,

I really try to connect.

Hello!

- Hello!
- Hi, Mom.

- How are you, Lis?
- Good, how are you?

- Good, where are you?

- We miss you. We're home.

How's Dad? - Oh, he's okay.

- Oh good! There he is.

- I was taught, growing up,
not to wallow in my feelings,

and to see the best
of everything.

My parent situation is
what it is because that's...

the circle of life.

And I'm able to cope because

I try to just live
in the moment.

- Tell him what we...

- He's only been to the
hospital once.

- Mom! What happened?

- I gave him one of his pills,
and about two hours later,

his lips were all swollen.

And... and I said,
"Can you breathe?"

and he said, "Well, sort of."
- Oh, jee...

- They told me to take him
to the hospital again

two days ago. - Why?

- Oh, well, because he's been
having trouble with his urine.

- Oh.

- And she gave him a thing
where they stick this long

rope thing in his penis.

[both laugh]
- I thought he was gonna die.

It hurt so bad.

- I'm afraid to call now.
That was a lot of information

in this phone call,
I wasn't ready for it at all.

We've always laughed
in my family. We laugh.

We go, "Look at this,
it's so painful,

but let's look at how
ridiculously funny it can be."

If you're gonna deflect,
and if you're gonna distract,

laughter's a good way to do it.

- I love you Nana.
- Okay.

- I hope your penis
feels better.

- Oh! [all laugh]

[upbeat music]

- [Siri tone beeps]
Call Lisa Todd, mobile.

[line trills]

- Hello?
- Hello, there.

- What's going on?

- Just getting ready
to come and see you.

All excited for my break.

- I'm so excited.
So I'm gonna be docking, um,

right when you arrive. - Right.

- We'll just meet at the Villa.
- Oh, okay.

- It's going to be very hot
in Tuscany. Very.

Should I bring you the kind of
black and white

Badgley Mischka dress?

The strapless one. That would
be nice for the wedding.

Huh?
- I'm... I don't need a dress.

I don't...
I don't need one anymore.

- What, you've got one,
or you're gonna get one in...

In... uh, in London?

- I'm not going
to London anymore.

I'm not going to London.

I'm no longer
going to the wedding.

- Oh, don't be silly.
What do you mean,

you're not going to the wedding?

- I was... I was told
it would be better

if I didn't come to the wedding,
so, I'm not going.

Family dynamics
can be very complicated,

and my family is no exception.

I've always been very close with
all of my nieces and nephews.

How are you?

But somewhere along the line,
something happened where

I was told it may be a
better idea if I didn't come.

- Do you want me to bring
the dress just in case, or not?

- What am I gonna do
with a dress?

I mean, obviously
I'm not gonna go.

I don't need a dress.

I don't even know how...
to describe,

nor do I want to describe

the relationship between
my sisters and me.

It's just really bad.

- Oh, darling, I'm sorry.

- Heh...
- Are you upset?

- Yes... yes.

- I think this relationship
between Kathy and Kyle

has been pretty tumultuous
the last couple of years.

- I did a deal with
Warner Brothers

for a scripted TV show about
my life growing up in the '70s.

There's gonna be a lot of
funny moments, and moments...

maybe some people
aren't comfortable with, and...

- You mean, your sisters aren't
comfortable with?

- I just can't wait to get away,
and get on the boat,

and have fun, and we're gonna
have a great time.

- This is crazy.

These are decisions that will
last a lifetime, you know?

- Yeah.

- Ugh... okay, you know...
You know best.

- Obviously,
this is not something

that makes me feel good,
but it's Nicky's day,

and my sister Kathy's day
as the mother of the bride,

so I have to...

respect their decisions.

[sighs]

- Don't be upset.
- I'll talk to you...

- Things will work out.
All right, love.

I will see you in Tuscany.
- Thanks, bye.

- Coming up...

- Relax for me, okay?

- I... wait, I'm choking.
[coughing]

- We used
to come to Palm Springs,

'cause my father was always
having a tan contest...

"Who's the tannest?"
And we'd come here...

L.A. was gonna be 70,
but we knew

Palm Springs would be 95.
- Right.

- He loved Palm Springs,
he really did.

- Your dad was a character.
- He is.

Just another memorial,
another place to go...

so I can think about him.
- Yeah.

Dick Van Patten just had
a great love of life,

and a great love for people.

- Okay, here we are.
It's a great spot.

- Dickey made people
feel special.

And the people in Palm Springs,
they showed that

when he received his star

on the Palm Springs
Walk of Fame.

- Hi! We loved your father.
- Oh, thank you so much.

- You're kidding.
- Aw, this man's great.

- Hey, and Sophia Loren.

- Told ya...
- That's awesome.

- Some very pretty people
he's with.

This was it. This is, uh,
Tahquitz right here.

Oh, this is it, yeah. - Ohh...

Honey.

Neither one of our families
had been touched by death,

and then we all got it
very quickly

in a short amount of time
last year.

My sister Connie
was fighting breast cancer,

on her own, basically,

and she did not let anybody know
that she was terminal.

- It's a good spot.
Good spot. Agh.

- I called her doctor,
and she says,

"Your sister's in a coma.

You have to come up here
immediately.

18 hours later,
I was in bed with her,

and she died in our arms.

And your dad wasn't even feeling
that good that day, remember?

- He was, uh...
- You know, but...

- Yeah.
- But he really kinda...

made a point of handling it
for everybody, you know?

- Dad, we love you, and, uh...

not gonna be sad here because...

- Kinda sad.

- No, because he wants us
to be happy.

- His father passing has been
difficult for Vince.

But I think it's
kinda made him want to

really enjoy his life.

- We're gonna live bigger
and better for you,

because you loved life
more than anyone I know, so...

- Okay now you're really
depressing me right now.

- I love you.
- Oh, my God.

It's actually made us
both feel like there's no time

like the present
to just seize the day,

and just go out
and live your life, be happy.

Do you have any tissues with you

because I'm like, totally
snotty right now.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Ha-ha.
- Oh! Oh, my God.

Look at those shoes.
- I know, look at you.

- Look at your boobs!
Oh, my God. I'm just...

- How are you?

- I'm dying over you.
You look good.

- You are?

- Yes, I love it.
Let me see the bag.

[gasps] Shut up. That's good.

I see that.

- Tommy's wife.
- I love her bags.

- I know, right?
- I need to get one.

Lisa Vanderpump just...
sparkles.

I like to be around
sparkly things,

so she's fun to be around.
She's always a good time.

- That never stopped... Hello.

Both: Hi.

- Can I get you started with
some water?

- Maybe, like, a glass of Rosé.

- Rosé? Beautiful. And for you?

- Okay, yeah. Well, I'm always
in for that, so that'd be great.

- Yeah.
- Thank you. Can I have ice

in mine, as well, please?
- Sure.

- Umm, how's Eileen doing?

- Sh... you know, I went to...
To Dick's memorial,

- Oh, you did?
- Or, celebration.

- If Dad knew you
brought a tent here today,

he'd be rolling over
at Forest Lawn.

Okay, my father, he never
turned down a job.

He would go to the opening
of a manhole cover, you know?

- He was obviously very loved,
wasn't he?

- Ugh... loved.

- I... I didn't know him at all.
I met him at that time,

you know, we went to the...
The Burbank Film Festival.

- Hello, hi, Lisa.
Hello, nice to meet you.

- Oh, thank you.
Good to see you again.

- So good to see you.

It's been a long time.
- Yeah, but you're still pretty.

[all laugh]

- That was, like, America's dad.

- Wow.

- You know, for me,
I grew up watching him.

I know how difficult
it is for Eileen

and the whole Van Patten family.

Dick was beloved by everyone.

- I'm going away!
- I know!

You're going to Italy, right?
- Yeah.

It's like I've just been
working, working, working.

- I can't... You work harder than
anybody I know.

And Ken is going to be 70 soon,

so we're gonna do
something small.

He doesn't want to do anything.

- He has to do something.
You have to mark it.

- Yeah. What I was thinking is,
what do I buy somebody that...

- Has everything?
- That has everything.

So what I was thinking, is you
know how he loves his puppies?

He loves horses like that.
- Okay.

- I found this little horse,
right, that's half an inch

bigger than the smallest horse
in the world.

- Shut up.
- It lives in Columbus, Ohio,

and she's gonna send it to me.
- Okay, this is killing me.

- And Ken's, clearly, not gonna
ride anymore... well, I mean

he's... the only thing he's gonna
be riding is me. [laughs]

- So this is gonna be...
[both laugh]

When Ken got to this age,
I always thought

I'd give him the hoof.

So I might as well
give him four, right?

I need you to come
to Ohio with me, and get...

- [laughing]

You're kidding!
- No, I'm serious!

- Seriously?
- I'm serious.

- Of course I will.
- We're gonna get this pony...

- Shut up.
- And we're gonna...

We're gonna bring it back,

but then maybe, you or Kyle
could actually look after it

for a couple of days
when we get back...

but it needs to sleep
in your bed.

It likes to sleep
between a couple.

- Fááá you.
- [laughing]

- Fááá off.

- Watch yourself, Vanderpump.
Watch yourself.

- Lis... listen...

- Okay, are you fáááing with me
or are you telling me the truth?

- No, I'm not. No, we're going,
we're going to Ohio...

- All right, but I don't have to
sleep with the horse?

- No! [both laugh]

- It's like, here's Harry,
and here's the horse...

Spooning Harry... and then me
spooning the horse.

- Don't tell anybody.

- I'm so excited.
I love a secret.

It's gonna blow his mind.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Hi!
- Hello!

- Good morning, good morning.

- You guys can have a seat.

Dr. Hill will be
right with you, okay, hun?

- Okay.
- Perfect.

- Daisy's like my brain.

She survived Lyme Disease,
and made it her mission in life

to go out and help others.

- Nice to see you!
- Nice to see you, you're good?

- Hello! I'm very well.

- Years ago, I had all the
mercury removed

out of my teeth,

and replaced with
white gold crowns.

- Are you guys ready
to come back?

- Yes, we are.
- Okay, let's go.

- Thinking I was doing something
really great for my health.

But the heavy metals
in my blood work

still show really high.

Is that my mouth?
- Yes, that's your mouth.

- I look scary that way.
- [laughs] No, no no.

- So, I'm gonna have
everything removed

to identify
exactly what kind of metals

are inside those crowns.

- So, I'm a little
hesitant to trust

any process that goes
in and out of my body...

- Sure.
- At this point, you know?

Um, and I just wanted
to show you

the heavy metals that are
in my body.

This have been kind of like
trying to be a detective

and trying to uncover
this chronic disease

that's been, you know,
ailing me.

I just want to make sure...

[voice cracks]
You know, that... that...

That whatever you take out
and put in... that it's safe.

- Of course, of course.

- All you can do
is focus on this,

right now, right here,

and making that little step,
and praying

that that's gonna make
a little difference,

to go, you know,
to the next chapter.

How long are the temporaries
gonna be in there?

- Um, usually for a couple
weeks, about a week and a half

for the lab to make the crowns.
- Okay.

- We will make you very,
very beautiful and comfortable

temporaries, so you
won't even think about it.

- Don't worry about the beauty.
- Just relax... perfect.

- Wouldn't it be great if I just
woke up tomorrow, and I have...

I have a normal brain? - Yes.

- I just want
to have my life back.

Take care of my babies.

- I will. You're safe,
sweetheart. It's okay.

Close your eyes.

- [indistinct mumbling]

- Everything's gonna be okay.
Can you just relax for me, okay?

- I hate this.
- I know. She's doing great.

- Hi, baby.
- Hi.

- Hi, babe. You okay?

- I'm just gonna check
your bite.

- I... wait, I'm choking.
[coughing]

[heart monitor beeping]

- Coming up...

- Pisa, exit.

How can it fáááing
be everywhere?

- Apparently, if you have
a penis, you never get lost.

- Must be multiple ways
of getting there.

- [coughing]

[Yolanda groans]

- It's okay, baby.
- Just numb everywhere.

- You're numb in the back
of your throat,

that's why you feel like
you can't breathe.

Just be calm, baby.
- I don't feel well.

- I can't understand you, but
I'm sure what you're saying is

"I love you."

[beeping]

- All right, Yolanda,
lots of pressure, hun.

Lots of pressure, all right?

[drill whirring]

- We're done!
- We're done, we're done.

- Open for us, please.
- Open big.

- Big, big, big. There we go.

- You did good, baby.

- Okay, let her rest...

- What about sex?
No sex for 48 hours, or...

[all laugh]

- Thanks, Doc.
- You're welcome. Bye, David.

- I love you, baby.
- Love you, baby.

- I'm willing to do anything.

Rip my teeth out,

whatever you need to take
from me, take it.

Just please, give me back
my life.

Aren't you happy you married me?

- Thrilled.

No. - I love you, baby.

- [sighs]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Honey, how far is... away is
the... the villa from here?

- Approximately an hour
and a half, I think.

- You told them 45 minutes.

- Well, then I may have
made a mistake.

- My family and I got
on the boat in Nice,

and then we went to San Tropez,
Cannes, Monaco,

and Portofino.

Now we're docking in...

I don't know, something that
sounds like "Le Pizza."

♪ ♪

- It's mozzarella salads.

- The yacht is absolutely
beautiful.

It has five bedrooms,
a media room, a five-star chef,

and the staff is taking
unbelievable care of us.

- It really is just
a "pinch me" moment.

- What is that?
- Oh, my gosh.

- Chicken?

- Ooh, that looks amazing.
- What is that?

- This food is like art.

- There's still four more dishes
coming, guys.

- Don't tell us how to take our
photos, please.

- Yeah. If we wanna
take a photo,

we're gonna take a photo.

- I love seeing my children

have the kind of vacations
I used to fantasize about

when I was a little girl.

We're gonna be rocking
for like, a week, by the way.

- Oh, for sure.

- I don't think I ever went
on one vacation

when I was a child.

Any time we ever travelled
was only for working.

In Tuscany, what is there to do?

- Nothing. It's the countryside.

You're gonna be in the
vineyards, that type of thing.

- How far is Florence?

- But it's a very chill,
relaxed time.

Florence is,
I think, 45 minutes.

- Is there shopping there?
- The shopping's amazing.

And I do want to see
the museums too.

[Mauricio laughs]

♪ ♪

- Oh, hi.
- Nice to meet you. Roberto.

- Lisa.
- How are you doing?

- Wow, it's hot.
- My God.

- I love Italy. I love the
pasture, I love the countryside,

I love the Amalfi Coast.

Some of our friends think
the Amalfi Coast is boring.

- We do, you know,
the Amalfi Coast...

that whole thing every summer,
and it gets old.

You know, it becomes such a...
it becomes a job.

- Could you turn
the air conditioning up

a little bit more, please?

That's the most stupid thing.

The Amalfi Coast
is extraordinary.

- Roberto.
Put the air conditioning up.

Maximum. - It's at the max.

- It's fine, it's only 120
degrees back here. It's fine.

- Oh, there's your car, honey.

- [gasps]

- Buongiorno.

- Keep going. Oh, my gosh.

- Bellissima.

Benoît, could you get
Portia for me?

I can jump myself. Thank you!

- Au revoir. Au revoir.

- Come on, girls.

- Who wants to drive with me?

- Me!

- Boys and their toys.

I appreciate that
this is a beautiful car,

but I really don't want to be
separated from my kids

with the sun beating down
on my face.

Arrivederci, Mauricio.

♪ ♪

- I do miss, in a way,
living in Europe.

I always think,
"Should we go back?" You know?

- I like Beverly Hills, though.

- Well I do too, but I still
have a great kind of...

affinity for France, and I miss
it. It's a love affair.

It's a different sensibility,
living in Europe

to living in Beverly Hills.

There's definitely a slightly
different attitude.

Especially, people drink
at lunchtime,

sleep in the afternoon,
which always worked for me.

- Cut down your work schedule.

- Can't. What about your seven
dogs? Where are they going?

I mean, the last time we came,
we had to charter a plane

because we had
so many dogs with us.

- Exactly.
- It's getting crazy.

- They can... they can travel
private.

- Seven of them?
- Of course.

- This is really
gonna be a great time.

- It's gonna be so much fun.

- Oh, my God,
I'm glad we're here.

I'm so glad to be away
from the restaurant.

Who's running the restaurant?
Nobody.

[Italian music]

♪ ♪

- The only images I have
of a villa in Tuscany

are from the movies, and
this villa does not disappoint.

- Hello.
- Hello!

Welcome to Villa Rosalba.
I am Eduardo.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you too.

- Kyle, very nice to meet you.

Thank you.
How old is this house?

- Don't remember,
but it's very long time.

- I can tell. In a good way.
[laughs]

This is so pretty.
- All those grasshoppers.

- Is that what that is?
Grasshoppers?

- Yeah, they're so, um...

- What other lovely bugs
are here?

There's air conditioning, right?

- Just in the room.
- Just in the rooms, okay.

♪ ♪

- Did I go the right way?

- It says we're
on the right track.

- Please make a U-turn,
if possible.

[cell phone ringing]

- I think you need to...

- Please make a U-turn,
if possible.

- Hi. We're, uh,
3.1 kilometers away.

We've gotten lost
a couple of times.

All right, I gotta...
I got to go.

I got to figure this out.

- I'm scared
- Please make a U-turn.

- My husband is lost.

- Where are they?
- I have no idea.

I love that painting.

Maybe it's haunted.

You guys can just have
this whole section.

I'm gonna give Lisa
that whole little suite area.

They have two bathrooms,
which Ken and Lisa will love.

She doesn't like
to share a bathroom.

There are gonna be bugs and
you have to get used to that.

- Ew.
There's a lot of bugs here.

- [laughs]
There are a lot of bugs.

[cork pops]

- Hello!
- Hello!

- You better have a drink ready
for me, Richards.

- Hello? Look what I have
waiting for you.

- Oh, perfect. Rosé?

- Not only that, you're
favorite, rosé.

Your favorite one.

- Have you got a straw?

- Hi! I do!
- How are you?

Perfect, I don't care if she
wears a muumuu,

she's got a butler
and a glass of rosé.

Oh, don't you think we should
just move here?

- I know, right?
- It's nice, isn't it?

Beautiful. - Isn't it gorgeous?

- Cheers!
- Cheers.

- Where's Mauricio?
- He's... [laughs]... lost.

- I keep seeing "Pisa: exit."
"Pisa: exit."

How can it fáááing
be everywhere?

- You cannot
give a man directions.

Apparently, if you have a penis,
you never get lost.

- Keeps telling me that.

There must be multiple ways
of getting there.

- Must be it.

- Coming up...

- Holy Moses.

- Ohh, my God.

- Holy sháá.

I've never seen
anything like it.

- Oh, my gosh. We were sitting
there, on the boat,

you could hear a pin drop

and all of a sudden,
every light goes out.

And then, all of a sudden,
the loudest explosion.

We think it's a bomb...
- And it's fireworks.

- We dive to the ground.
[both laugh]

- Let me tell you something.

If Mom would have been with me
in the car,

and we would've gotten lost,

it would've been so
not fun for me.

- They have a firework thing?

- Well let me tell you
something, we almost had

a heart attack. I couldn't feel
my legs for 20 minutes.

- Oh, for God's sake.

- I was like,
"This is it, we're done!"

- Did you jump in the water,
really?

- Buongiorno!
- Oh, my gosh.

- Hello, welcome back.
- Buona sera!

- What did you do?
- Where have you been?

- What did you do?
What did you do?

- Kiss me.

- We got lost. [all laughing]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- I'm ready, do a flip!
- All right.

- Whoo!
- Aah!

- Hi, guys.
- Hi, Mom.

- Honey, Lisa and I are gonna go
take the car for a drive.

- You don't go too crazy
with the car.

- Well, I can't make
any promises.

[Mauricio laughs]
- Have fun, you guys.

- Bye, love you.

[growls] - Aah!

♪ ♪

- Do you know how to drive it?

- Yes! I used to steal Kim's
when I was 16.

- Oh, my God.
- When she wasn't home.

- You weren't even
old enough to drive.

- I was 16, I had my license.

Plus, I was driving way before
I had a license.

- What kind of mother
would let her drive?

- A very trusting one.
- Really?

- My mom was a rule-breaker.

She did not give a sháá
about any rules.

- If she wanted to let me
drive to work at 13,

she was gonna do it,
and she trusted me.

But I went the opposite way
in raising my kids.

There are curfews, and they're
certainly not gonna

be driving a car at 13.

[engine revs] - Okay.

- Hold on tight, Vanderpump.

- Go on. Aah!
- Shut up, you fáááer.

- Go on. You could've driven
a double-decker bus

through there,
for goodness' sake.

It's like, come on, Kyle,
get it together.

- You are completely impossible.

♪ ♪

- It's in first gear.

Nobody drives a Ferrari
in first gear.

You're driving it
like a toy car.

Get into it.

- I'm waiting till I get
to the main road.

- Richards, go!
Give it some whirly!

- I haven't driven
a stick shift in a while,

and I'm in a different country!

- Wait, wait, wait,
let me have a look.

- Okay, go out. Aah!
- Don't joke like that!

I've got Lisa making jokes,
trying to scare me,

and it's working.
I'm a little stressed.

- Put the pedal to the metal!
- Yeah, exactly.

- Waah-hoo!
- Come on!

[Lisa screams]

- I've had a lot on my mind,
with my sister Kim,

and Nicky's wedding,
and everything.

So, just to be able to let
that go for a little bit...

feels good.

I'm feeling very
James Bond-esque right now.

You look like a Bond girl.

- I look like, um, Pussy Galore.

- That's for sure. [both laugh]

♪ ♪

[knock at door]

- Hi!
- Hi!

- I'm Daisy.
- Hi, Daisy, I'm Lisa.

- Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you,
you're so pretty!

- Hi, Daisy, Eileen.
- Nice to meet you.

Have a seat and I'll let
Yolanda know you're here.

I know Yolanda
has been fighting a war,

and that it's taking its toll.

- The girls are here to see you.
- Bring them back.

- Bring them back here? Okay.

I love the fact
that they look so different.

It's really something, isn't it?
And look at Anwar.

- It's quite crazy.

- Amelia has
such a crush on Anwar.

She goes, "Mom, I can't
look at him.

I really can't."

- He's so cute.
- Isn't it cute?

Amelia is going to kill me.

I can't help myself though!
It's all I hear.

"Oh, my God, Mom,
I saw him at Coachella.

He looked at me."

I mean, he's like Jesus
in our family right now.

- Yolanda would, uh,
would love to see you...

- Okay.
- In her room.

I'll bring you through.
- Oh, okay.

- ...like a looky-loo,
in the closets...

What's in there?
I know, especially closets.

- Well, there's one closet
that's got all her meds,

and that's quite impressive.

- Can we look?
- Yeah, come, follow me.

- Holy Moses.

- Okay.
- Oh, my God.

- Holy sháá.

This is way bigger than I can
even process right now.

I've never seen anything like
this before, ever in my life.

It's... serious business.

Okay, just give me a little 411.

- There's so much.
Um, she just recently

had her metal crowns removed.
Her Mercury was quite high.

- Being in Yolanda's condo
is reminding me

of my sister,
Connie's battle with cancer.

She had a lot of similar
vitamins and minerals.

I mean, just
boxes and boxes of them,

and it's just bringing up a lot
of unpleasant stuff for me.

- Hi!
- Hello!

- How are you?
- How are you, honey?

- Oh my God, look how cute
you girls are.

- You're cute.
- Hi! Hi, baby.

- Hi!

You're in shape,
you're looking healthy,

suntanned. - I try.

- Do you wanna see the new
living room?

- Sure!
- Yes.

- Yeah, let's sit there.

- Seeing her, in bed,
it's just shocking.

My concern is that she's gotten
a lot worse, and I'm thinking

she's in a dark time.

- We've missed you.
- I'm still in the same place.

It is what it is. I'm not moving
from here until I... get well.

- So you're doing whatever you
have to do to make sure

that you're getting everything...

- Well, I took all the metal
out of my teeth,

because I'm so sick
with heavy metals.

Like, I don't remember...

I don't remember
what it's like to be normal.

I just can't pull it together.

And I had a really extreme
parasite infection

and, you know, that was hell.
- Oh, good Lord.

- Yeah.
- What was the parasites from?

- I don't know, but they were,
like, two feet long.

- Ah...
- I mean, it was awful.

- Don't they usually find
that kind of stuff out

in a colonic tube?

- Yeah.
- You know?

- Yeah. Yeah.

- I'm a big fan of colonics.
- I am too.

- I do colonics, yeah, I do it
every week.

- Well, let's go in
and get a colonic together.

- I would love to, I haven't
been in a while.

So I'm really
full of sháá right now.

[laughs]
- I could've told you that.

- I'm so full of it right now.
Oh, gosh.

- I get it. You would do
anything you could do

to feel better, and cure
yourself of whatever

there... there was going on,
you would do it.

- So, how is Vinny?
- He's okay.

- He's okay? It's so sad,
his daddy died.

- Yeah, really.

- I've never seen,
you know, how...

How you transition to death.

They go when they're
ready to go.

You just never know
what happens.

- Seeing Yolanda
go through this,

and go to all the lengths
she's going through

to get her health back
is very personal to me,

because I understand firsthand
seeing somebody fight...

Literally... for their lives.

- I hope you find relief. I do.

- I'm, like, scared to...

- I know.
- Hope?

- Yeah.

- Hope, have hope.
- Aww.

- Coming up...

- You invest, and your sister's
pulling the strings,

and it's like, "Jeez, come on."

- You know what?
We'll talk about this later.

- Thank you for
letting us come by.

- Bye, guys.
- We love you.

- Love you, sweetie.
- See you!

- Love you.
- Bye-bye.

- Have a good weekend.
- We'll see you soon.

A- I feel a deep sadness,

and it... [sighs]

A darkness.

I see a vibrant young woman

not being able to live her life.

- Oh, Eileen.
- I know.

- Eileen, that was so hard...
- It's hard.

- To see. I mean...
- Especially when you realize,

not that long ago,
how... vital she was.

I always feel bad because I feel
like I'm wearing her out,

and yet, I also want to be there
to support her.

- You can tell that she's just...
She's just succumbed to it,

and allowed herself
now to accept it.

It seems like, at this point,
Yolanda is so desperate

that it's like you're just
stabbing in the dark

at this point.
Like, you'll do anything.

Just think how hard it is
on the kids and David.

It affects everybody.

- I know.

- It makes my heart so heavy.

[sighs]

[Italian music]

♪ ♪

- Oh, come on, let's have a bite
of that. Yum.

♪ ♪

I put this makeup on
on a different continent.

- It looks good.

- It does?
- Yeah.

- Would you tell me
if it didn't?

- It's so hot,
why even bother wearing any?

- Want a margarita?
- Oh, yes please.

- Are you kidding me?
This is absolutely a necessity.

Thank you. I love you. Cheers.

- It's so beautiful
and picturesque here.

You feel like you're walking
around a painting.

Minus the mosquitoes.

- That is so loud.

- I don't wanna hear that noise
when I'm laying bed tonight.

- Might hear a few other noises

when you're laying
in bed tonight.

- Your room is
right next to mine.

- We're on vacation.

There might be
some action going on,

a little puffo and grunto
in the Todd bedroom.

I spoke to Yolanda.
- How's she feeling?

- It's not good.
She's gone and had, like,

all her teeth taken out. - What?

- Yeah.
Like, with this new amalgam.

- So she had all her... mercury
taken out of her mouth?

The silver? - Yeah.

- She thinks that's what's
making her sick?

- Maybe, who knows?

- I've actually spoken
to a doctor about that,

and my doctor said,

taking them out can cause
more problems, 'cause you're

disrupting and opening it up.
Just leave them be.

- I think what she's thinking

is it's not Lyme disease
anymore.

Maybe it was, but there's
something else.

Gotta find it.
I mean, it's destroyed her life.

Yolanda's tried so many
different treatments,

it's hard to understand
what's going on.

I know she's been
to Germany and Korea

for stem cell treatment
I believe.

So, obviously something
is very wrong,

because she's been at home
in bed for months.

- You know, when my mom
passed away...

- Yeah.
- For two years,

I didn't feel well.
They told me I had arthritis.

They told me I had allergies.

They told me I had Epstein-Barr.

I thought I was dying.
For two years.

It hurt me, physically.
I was physically in pain.

And I remember
seeing a commercial

and it said something like,
you know,

"Depression hurts."
and I thought,

"Oh, my God, could I
physically be feeling"...

There was times my arm
was aching, and I mean,

I did have physical symptoms.

- So you believe the mental
state kind of dictates

the physical state, really.

- For me, that's what it was.

- But she doesn't have
a stressful life.

Not like she suffered some
great loss or anything.

- Well, this is like,
it's a full-time job

trying to figure out
what it is, and...

- When you do all these cures,

how do you know
if one's working?

If you do...

- And how do you know
those are safe?

- I don't know.

[upbeat music]

- Guys, let's go outside.

- Where should we sit?

- Aah!
- Oh, what?

- It's a little bug.
- Don't act like that was small.

- It was that big.

I'm feeling very
Sophia Loren right now,

but the flip side is,
we are getting bitten

by a bajillion mosquitoes.

- Cheers to Tuscany.
- Thank you for being here.

Thank you for coming.

A little bit of love
under the Tuscan sun.

- Actually,
it's Ken's birthday...

in a couple of weeks.
- I'm 50 again.

- And he doesn't want... he
doesn't want a birthday party,

so we're gonna have
a lunch, at home.

- When you turn 70,

you feel very lucky
to still be here.

I say to her now, she's got to
start looking now...

[Lisa and Kyle laugh]

I'm just saying,
I know that if I died

in a month's time,
she'd be devastated

and she wouldn't know
what to do.

I would like somebody...

- Why didn't you tell me that

when I was on
"Dancing With the Stars"?

[all laughing]

If I had to replace Ken,
I could go back to that

Gleb Savchenko guy.

- Sexy, like you're enjoying it.
- Oh, shut up.

Eh, okay! - Ooh!

- Stop it, you're not making
noises when you're doing it.

He could fill my void,
so to speak.

♪ ♪

We're going to Monte Carlo now,
now we're not going to London,

and maybe you should
come with us.

- We're going to London now.
I'm going to London.

- For what?
- The wedding.

- Okay?

- Yeah, I'm going
for Nicky's wedding.

- I thought you were uninvited.

- I'm going now.

- Okay, so I didn't
bring you a dress.

- You didn't bring me a dress?

- You told me that you
were uninvited.

- I'm going. Yeah, I'm going.

- What's changed?
- Umm...

- You don't wanna
talk about it, I know.

- Hmm.
- Okay.

- I understand Lisa's confusion,

but I don't think anybody
can understand the dynamics

between my sisters and me.

It's obviously
a very important day, and...

- I think so.

- I spoke with Nicky,
and then...

my sister e-mailed me, and...

I don't wanna miss her
walking down the aisle.

- Oh, I don't blame you.
Oh, my God, no. Absolutely not.

- I personally think that
they should go. 100%.

- Mauri, are you going?
- I'm going to London.

- You going to the wedding?
- I am not going to the wedding.

- Are you going?
- No.

- I don't understand, actually.
Color me stupid.

- I am. I'm in the wedding.

- Are you going?
- No.

- Are you going to the wedding?
- Portia's the flower girl.

- Porti and Farri
are in the wedding.

- How can you choose
two children over the other?

I don't understand that.
- That, I don't understand.

- But I do think that you
invest in your sister's

pulling the strings, and...

you're here, you're there,
and you get upset,

and you're crying, and you're
involved with that,

and then you don't want
to talk about it,

and you tell me, as your friend,

"I'm invited,"
"I'm not invited,"

and it's like, "Jeez, come on."

Who do you side with?

It's like you're being pulled
in both directions.

Your husband and daughters,
or your sister and niece.

It seems
like a no win situation.

- You know what?
We'll talk about this later.

[dramatic music]

- Coming up...

- Maybe I'm speaking
out of turn,

but I don't think that
you should be manipulated...

- I don't really
wanna talk about

why I was disinvited
and reinvited again.

It's nobody's fáááing business.

And you tell me, as your friend,

"I'm invited,"
"I'm not invited,"

and it's like, "Jeez, come on."

- You know what?
We'll talk about this later.

- Sorry, maybe I'm
speaking out of turn,

but I see, as your friend,
that you invest so much,

and then you're devastated,
and I don't think you should be

manipulated by
either one of them.

- I don't really
wanna talk about

why I was disinvited,
then reinvited again.

It's nobody's fáááing business.

- If you wanna go, go.
Absolutely.

I don't have a dress,
by the way.

I don't. Sorry about that.
You should've told me.

- I'm going because I want to
watch her walk down the aisle.

- I have to say,
if my husband wasn't invited...

- He told me to go.
- I told her.

- I don't understand
why the girls aren't going.

- It's unfortunate that
the other girls are not invited.

- Why are they not invited?
I don't understand that.

- I don't know why.

- There has been some tension
amongst my family.

So, that is why
Mauricio will not be

going to the wedding with me

and Alexia and Sophia
won't be going because

they are not having
kids at the wedding.

So... Portia will be there
because she is a flower girl.

- All that matters is,
I'm gonna go. That's it.

- Is it all that matters,
really?

Or is it your emotional
investment where you go

up and down, and up and down?

That whole dynamic
with your family, and Kim,

and all these things
affect you the way it does.

- But, you know,
this is not about that.

It's about my relationship
with my niece.

- You've got to detach yourself
at some point.

None of it makes
any sense to me.

There are so many factors
involved between

Mauricio, and Rick,
and Kathy, and Kyle, and Kim.

It's all very complicated.

I just hope they find their
way back to a better place.

Listen I don't want
to overstep boundaries,

I like Kathy and Rick,
I really do,

but I see you like this

and there's got to be
a time where you say

"Enough, I'm there for all
of you, I support all of you,

but I'm not on this
rollercoaster."

- I really think we should
really stop talking about this.

Please, for the rest
of the trip, let's stop.

- Done.

- Next time on "The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills"...

- Do you want one?
I'll buy you one.

- Okay, fine. [laughs]

It's fun shopping in Europe
because you feel like

you can buy things that you
can't buy in the United States.

- I'm here to support my friend
Yolanda, and that's it.

She said IVs, I said sure.

- I've known Erica
for nine years.

She's a woman with lots
of different colors.

- Pat the puss,
drop it down, bounce.

- I have an alter ego.
Her name is Erica Jane.

All right, all right, all right!

- Oh, it's a pony with a tutu!
- [gasps] Ohh!

- She's so sweet.
I wanna have her.

I think Ken's gonna love her.

- It's really fat.

- I don't think you should
comment on her weight.

All: Happy birthday, Ken!

- What's going on with Yolanda?

- I'm so, like, confused.

It seems strange to me
that she's like,

happy selfie, sick selfie.

- Why is she being so vocal
about this to me?

It makes me uncomfortable.

[all screaming]

- To learn more about
the housewives,