The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 5, Episode 14 - Surprise! - full transcript

(Kyle) Previously on The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills...

What do you actually want?

I want to have fun with you
again.

I'm happy to be friendly
with you.

That's all I ask for.

I just don't want people
to start going around

saying that you're an alcoholic.

If I was, I would get help.

There's no shame in my game.

Whoo!

I'm taking the dildo.



I've been down this road before,
and I don't want to do this.

I don't remember everything
because I took a pain pill.

And so... but I... the thing is...

Kim.

It was so hurting.

(Eileen)
There's something up with Kim.

She was a little out of sorts
from the get-go.

I think Kim's an addict.

If you're an addict,
you can't take anything.

We're all, like,
thinking of protecting her.

You're not. You're not.

You're hurting her.

I had four sisters,

and one of them died
five years ago,



and one of them died
four months ago.

- I'm so sorry.
- Thank you.

(Kyle)
You want to try to make me
look like a bad sister,

and I know I'm not,
and that's not [bleep] fair.

You're gonna let this person
come between us?

You can't leave here tonight?

[bleep] you.

[upbeat music]

(Lisa V) Throw me to the wolves,

and I shall return
leading the pack.

(Yolanda)
Character isn't what you have.
It's who you are.

(Lisa R)
You've heard a lot about me,

but it's only true
when it comes from my lips.

(Eileen)
I'm not a bitch,
but I've played one on TV.

(Kim)
I've been rich,
and I've been famous,

but happiness beats them both.

(Brandi)
I'd rather spending my life
kicking ass than kissing it.

(Kyle)
Planes and yachts are nice,
but my happiness starts at home.

Ugh, so frustrating.

(Brandi) Yoyo, where are you?

(Yolanda) Upstairs.

Hi, honey. How are you?

I'm so frustrated.

I'm trying to figure out the...
[smooches]

I'm trying to figure out...

I want to FaceTime with my mom
in Holland.

Like, I know how to get her
on this,

but I can't get her on this.

Okay, let's forget about this
for right now.

- So how are you?
- I'm good.

How does it feel not drinking?

I miss it.

[both laugh]

It's boring.

(Brandi)
Yolanda is urging me to do
this 21-day cleanse

so I can prove
to the other girls

I don't have a drinking problem.

Every morning,
we do this meditation.

And we eat really healthy.

Try no sugar, no alcohol.

In 21 days, we feel amazing.

Thank God for Xanax.

But you got to admit
that it feels good.

It feels good because...

Really, around the other women

because they're such ass[bleep],
and, like,

they're so judgmental,
and, like,

I just want to show them that
if I put my mind to something,

I can do it, and then...

Well, they're judgmental

because you gave them
a reason to be saying something.

Eh.

(Yolanda)
I know that Brandi drinks

because she thinks it's fun

and she likes to just
check out that way.

How are you, sir?

I'm great. How 'bout yourself?

[door slams] - I'm good.

But for me, at this very
important time of her life

where she has young children

and needs to stay focused
on business,

I think this is a time
where she should,

you know, probably drink less.

I just want to let you know
that my girlfriend

has not had a drink...
No sugar and no alcohol.

Nice. Sweet.

So we're gonna do
more like a flow,

and then we'll go into
a whole warm-up thing.

Let's do child's pose.
You know that pose?

- Oh, yeah. Yes.
- Yeah. Right.

And press your glutes
to your heels.

- Bend the right knee.
- Ow. Jesus.

(Keith) Hands over head.

Baby step at a time.

[Brandi groans]

Just drop.

Let's take the right leg
to the sky.

- Is this, like, speed yoga?
[Keith chuckles]

(Brandi voice-over)
I think I'm willing

to do the cleanse for Yolanda

because she really has
taken me under her wing

and stuck up for me
when a lot of people

were there to kick me
while I was down.

Can you do a crow?

- Crow?
- Yeah.

Yeah. Just like this.

- My husband does that now.
- I can do that.

Isn't that amazing?
You can do that?

(Brandi) Yeah.

(Yolanda) Show me.

That's amazing, Brandi.

[yelps] - Oh.

[all laughing]

I tried.

I used to be able to do it.

(Brandi) Damn it.

I'm getting old. This sucks.

Need a drink.

[women laughing]

(Lisa V)
What do you think
Kyle will want? Tea?

Is it alcohol time,
or is it still teatime?

(Kyle) Hi, you guys.

Hello.

How are you?

(Lisa V) It's lovely out.

(Kyle) It's beautiful out.

Sit down.

Rocio.

What do you fancy?
I mean, whatever you want.

- Hi, Kyle.
- Hi. How are you?

- Thank you. How are you?
- Good, thank you.

Kyle, have a cup of tea
or a glass of rosé

or whatever you want.

I'll have a cup of tea.

- Cup of tea?
- Yeah.

(Rocio) Okay.

You okay?

I'm just...

I'm listening to the text,
but I'm reading the subtext.

I just feel so frustrated.

I mean, my sister's not getting

that I'm concerned
for her well-being.

She's not...
I can't even get through

to... to try to be there for her

because Brandi is, like,
putting a wedge between us.

(Kyle)
I don't know what
Kim has confided in Brandi.

I think it's gonna turn around
and bite Kim in the ass,

and that scares me.

So I said to Kim,
"How did this turn around

"that you're the victim
and I'm the bad guy here

when all of this started
with poker night"...

Because she knows
you're always there

because you're her sister.

And although
that's a good thing,

it's the fact that she can do
whatever she wants with that

because you're...
It's never gonna go away.

You're always there.

But with Brandi,
she has to cultivate that.

(Lisa V voice-over)
The last thing that Kim needs
right now

is to have a dispute
or an altercation

between her sister
and her "best friend."

And I use that term loosely.

Brandi was all of a sudden
acting like, you know,

she's her savior
and I'm this big, bad wolf.

You know what?
You know what I feel?

I see a little bit
of a pattern here.

Brandi's greatest fear
is kind of

being left or cast aside,

and I think with me,

she suddenly felt threatened
by our friendship

kind of being reinstated,

so she thought, "I'll get
in the middle of that."

Be polite to her.
Be nice to her.

You just have to ignore
your relationship with Brandi

and be as civil as you can.

Yeah.

(Kyle)
You know, it's easy for her

to say, "Just be cordial."

I don't think she would have
said that six months ago.

I get myself so upset
and worked up.

Separate that from your sister.

Yeah.

Wait, I might...
Totally might fall.

Don't rush me.

[laughing] I'm not kidding.

These are really high heels.

(Eileen)
Can I get a glass of wine?

Glass of chardonnay or...

Not that I'm so desperate
or anything.

Like a pinot grigio or whatever
you have that's super dry.

Yeah, I've got
an Italian pinot grigio.

(Eileen) Dry wine.

This is a great wine.

(server)
And the chef thought
you might enjoy

some seared scallops
with a soy glaze.

- This is nice.
- There's some sesame on there.

Great.

I'll be back with
the Caesar salad shortly.

- Wow.
- Thank you.

So I told you I talked
to both Kyle and Kim.

Why do you think
that my intention is to hurt you

when I've only wanted
to protect you always ever.

It's weird,
because when you share

that kind of a bond
with somebody,

it's like they have the ability

to hurt you like nobody else
can hurt you

because you have
such a deep connection.

(Eileen)
Your sisters know how to push
your buttons

like nobody else does,
but I know

from having a couple sisters
pass,

at the end of the day,
it really doesn't matter,

and it's really just
the love that you have

that you're left with.

It's... they're making
too much out of it, you know?

Seriously.

I think they are too.

Life is too short.

How come nobody wants to go
to therapy?

[sighs] I love therapy.

So assuming that these sisters

are gonna get along okay...

Mm-hmm.

What's the plan for the reading?

What's your whole plan?

You're making me nervous.
You're not sharing.

Vince has written a couple
screenplays in the past

that have been
made into features.

One was called The Break.

I'll handle it. Don't worry.

Are you gonna...
Do you need photos of them

to assign the right roles?

I'll do it. Don't worry.

God, I'm so afraid.

(Eileen)
Vincent and I decided
that it would be

the perfect thing
to get everybody together

and hear the script
for the first time out loud

with my, you know, chick friends

that actually happen to act...

I'm playing me as Harry's wife.

You're playing Lisa Rinna. Yep.

12,211th episode?

11th, yeah, that's the episode.
Uh-huh.

- Oh, my God.
- [chuckles]

I want to hear
a little more power.

You're the producer. "Hey.

Hey, can you come in
for a couple hours?"

Here and there.

There's not gonna be
any alcohol.

- Why?
- Why?

'Cause it's 1:00
in the afternoon.

We don't need any booze there.

Got to loosen 'em up.

No, we don't.

I think we do.

These are women that do not
have to be loosened up.

Trust me,
all they want to talk about...

Every reading is stiff
in the beginning.

Everybody's, like, really tight.

Got to get the actors loose.

These women are talking about
their vaginas

more than you could
possibly know.

That's what they love to
talk about... their vaginas.

That's just the way it is.

Okay, so you're saying
they're loosened up already.

- Yes.
- What could they do wrong?

You just never know
what's gonna happen.

[chuckles]

(Yolanda) Coming up...

I know it is not our place
to stage an intervention.

We can't do something like that.

We don't even know.

(Lisa V) Come on, give it to me.

Oh, no. Ken, not a good idea.

Oh, this is all too boisterous
for Giggy.

Giggy, come here.
I don't blame you.

You don't want to play
with the big boys, do you?

I understand.

Hello.

- Hi. [dogs yipping]

Well, hi.

Oh, don't let them jump up.
They're all muddy.

They're just gonna ruin
your day.

(Lisa R)
Oh, it's okay. Hello, guys.

- Hi.
- It's hot, isn't it?

It's so hot.

A table read is really
for the writers and producers

and actors to hear it come
to life and hear it out loud.

Wish us luck.

Have fun.

I've sat through quite a few
in my 26 years.

Yes. And they're fun.

Hi.

It's like a workout
trying to find you.

(Brandi)
You look cute.
How are you?

I've had better days,
better weeks.

Just dealing with my breakup.

I know.

I do want to ask you
if maybe I can come

and stay the night
for a few nights.

I kind of need, like,
the old times again.

Yeah, anytime.

I don't want to be alone
for a little bit.

[cell phone jingling]
- Oh, [bleep]. Hello?

(Ken) Brandi, can you hear me?

Yes. Hi, Ken. How are you?

I'm good, thank you.

What's going on?

I'm doing
a surprise birthday party

for Lisa on Tuesday.

Oh, how nice.

That's so sweet.

I don't think she would want me
to leave anybody out, really.

[chuckles]

I'm not sure that she actually
wants me there,

but I'll get her a nice present.

(Brandi)
It was really shocking
but so nice

that he would want me
at Lisa's surprise party.

It makes my heart happy.

(Ken) But, um, having said that,

I want you to be on
your best behavior.

Are you telling this
to everyone or just me?

You, only because
I don't want anything

to sort of spoil her birthday,
you know?

(Brandi) Me on my best behavior

I guess is me not talking,

me not breathing, hopefully.

Okay, perfect.
Thanks for the invite.

I look forward to seeing you.

(Ken) All right, my dear.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Wow.

It's kind of [bleep] up.

It's so hot.

Hello.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- How are you?
- You look nice.

Good. How are you?

(Kyle)
Mauricio has gotten cuter
as he got older.

Everyone always says the girls
look just like him,

but I look at his pictures...
I'm like, "No."

I look at me at, like, 12 or 13.

I'm like, "Ugh. Oh."

What about me?
At least you weren't chubby.

I think I was...

Chubby with braces and...

I was a real winner.

[laughs]

(Kyle) I haven't seen Kim

since the lunch with Eileen.

I think we're both just
pretending everything's okay

because any time we talk lately,
it becomes a bigger problem.

Sometimes it's easier just to

brush it under the carpet.

I don't get
what we're doing today,

but I'm like, "Okay."

She's such a nice person...
Eileen.

I really like her.

Yeah, me too.

Why do you say it like that?

No, I was just thinking
of, like,

when she invited us
to lunch the other day.

Like, I really didn't know
if I was gonna tear her head off

or...

Why?

'Cause I just felt like
it wasn't her business.

I don't have
the warm and fuzzies for Eileen.

(Eileen) I know that you...

You need your relationship
with Brandi,

and I totally get that.

It does seem like she's adding

a lot of fuel
to the fire though.

It's not appropriate

to go into somebody's lives
like that.

When she started talking,
I heard what she said,

and, like, if something
happened to me or to you...

Which, you know, I don't even
like to talk like that...

And we were arguing,

that would be
the most horrible feeling.

I need to learn to control
my emotions better too.

I don't know how I can let
even Brandi get to me

because... I don't...
I don't know why, you know?

I talked to Lisa about it,
and she's like,

"Why do you even get like...

Why would you let anything
she says even affect you?"

(Lisa V) I worry about Kim.

She needs to have
her relationship

with her sister solid.

I agree.

And I know it is not
necessarily our place to,

you know, stage an intervention
or... I don't know.

I don't know the level of
what it is that she needs.

We can't. It's not...

What do you mean,
stage an intervention?

We can't do something like that.
We don't even know.

What is everybody so scared of?

That's what I want to know.

Why is everyone
scared of Kim Richards?

We can't get involved
in something like that.

Well, that... that is true.

(Lisa V) If Lisa feels that

she wants to question
Kim's sobriety,

she's playing with fire.

The last time I witnessed

extremely odd behavior...
In Paris...

I questioned it,
and it all went against me.

Did you take any sleeping pills
or something?

Sleeping pill?
I don't believe Lisa's concern.

I think she's a big...

I think it's all fake and phony.

I've learned
from that experience

to stay out of it.

Unless I see something
that is so worrying...

Well...

I would...
Never could take control.

And I haven't seen that yet.

I've seen it,
and it's very disturbing.

Don't [bleep] feel sorry for me,
you bitch.

Okay, I won't.

You don't know what I go through
at night.

That one time was disturb...
That was enough for me to see.

(Brandi)
I went to lunch with Lisa Rinna.

She asked me why all of us
were pretending

like Kim Richards was sober.

Recently, she took

a pill of Monty's,
and that's why she was...

That's called relapsing.

You don't take
someone else's pills.

You don't take the pills
that you are prescribed

and abuse them either.

I have not seen her
do any drugs or drink...

I haven't either.

But I can tell you,
I can assure you,

if you spot it, you got it.

I work in the field.

I am a recovering
alcoholic drug addict.

Taking her husband's medication
because her back hurts?

My back hurts.
I barely function.

- It was her hernia.
- Okay.

I don't know.

(Brandi) When Kim told me

she took a pain pill
that was not hers...

And after seeing
the way she behaved that night...

It scared the [bleep] out of me

because I know
she's in a fragile state.

Should I be the person
hanging out with her

when I like my vino?

No.

She shouldn't be
in those circles yet.

Like, it took me
five years of my sobriety

until I could finally
be out on my own.

I've just started recently,
like, feeling really weird

a glass of wine
in front of her, which...

She was fine for a while.

(Lisa V)
We don't even know
what she's doing.

I know.

We don't know
what she's doing, Lisa.

You saw her one time.

That behavior,
even just one time...

Everybody should be
very concerned.

- You serious?
- I swear to God.

(Brandi) She tells me

how proud of her sobriety
she is, and she trusts me,

and she loves me,
and I've been there for her.

Does she go to meetings?
Does she have a sponsor?

Does she go to therapy?

Is she involved
in all that stuff?

- Not that I know of.
- Okay.

So that's like me saying,
"I'm happy.

- I'm happy. I'm happy."
- I told her.

I said, "You should have, like,
people to lean on

like a therapist or,
like, sober friends, like"...

Babe, you don't...
You're not equipped

or do you have the tools to,
like, save her or help her.

Like, no one can save Kim
but Kim.

People can help her...

She doesn't have the tools
right now.

First of all, Kyle...

That is not...
That is not the route to go.

Kyle and Kim have

this [bleep] up relationship
where Kim...

Has Kyle gone off on her
recently?

Gone off like crazy.

I don't believe
that Kyle understands

what Kim's going through
at this moment in her life.

Kyle believes that it's history
once again repeating itself,

and there's much more to it.

Oh, my God, what am I gonna do?

(Kim)
Brandi gets like that
when she gets totally heated up.

She does say things
that are mean,

and she owns it usually.

I mean, usually she owns...

No, but, I mean,
when do you not do it anymore?

You're mean, then you own it.

You're mean, you apologize.

- You're mean...
- I know.

I get that 100%. You're right.

(Kyle)
I do not think Brandi
is a trustworthy person.

She will turn on Kim
at some point,

and my sister's gonna be
heartbroken.

But I think some of the stuff
she said,

she really, honestly
in her heart believes.

She doesn't realize how much
you and I have been there

for each other, what
we've really been through...

[phone beeps]
- Through our lives as sisters.

Well, then she should,
in her own words,

shut the [bleep] up.

(Lisa V) Coming up...

- [bleep] you.
- What did you say?

I didn't say anything.

(Eileen)
Should I just put
a few sandwiches out?

(Vince)
Yes, put them out. Yes.
People love to eat.

Okay, these are all
naked sandwiches,

so everybody has to kind of
build their own.

You got the hot mustard?

I need mustard and stuff.

(Eileen)
I'm... I'm just in the middle
right now.

- All right.
- I'm in the process of...

(Ken) Easy does it.

I'll be right down, you guys.
I got to change shirts.

I'm, like, sweating
in this thing.

I'm gonna put on a T-shirt.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Hi.

You guys look so cute.
Hippie chic.

How are you?

Good. Hi.

(Eileen)
Based on everything that
happened at the poker party,

somebody's gonna get hit
in the head with a script.

Oh, my God. I hope it's not me.

But, of course,
Brandi's not here,

so maybe there'll be
a little less drama.

- Good to see you.
- How are you?

I haven't seen you
in a long time.

(Kim)
I've known the Van Pattens
since I was real little.

We saw them all the time
growing up.

Who's the most famous actor
that you worked with?

'Cause I know that you worked
with a lot of big...

Oh.

I would have to say
Darren McGavin.

- Bette Davis.
- Bette Davis?

(Kim)
One of my favorites
was Bette Davis.

One day I just looked over,
and I was like,

"Hey, is that a wig
you're wearing?"

Those are like the legends
of old times.

I climbed into Bette's, like,
sofa bed in her room,

and I waited for her to come in
after she got off the set.

And she came in,
and she, like, took off her wig,

and I was like, "I got it!"

What did you work with
Bette Davis on?

Return to Witch Mountain.
She was on that? Man, wow.

I can't tell you what color hair
she really had

because that's Bette's secret.

What'd we get?

This is Lisa Vanderpump's.

- Lisa barely has any lines.
[doorbell dings]

Hi!

- The Lisas are here.
- Wow.

(Lisa V)
I can't do this
in front of serious people.

- I thought it was just us.
- Hi.

- How are you?
- [chuckles]

- You look so pretty.
- Thank you.

(Lisa V)
I did lots of different things...

Guest leads and stuff...

But none of them were
Emmy award-winning,

that's for sure.

Lisa, do you mind,
I had you reading

as the announcer
of the whole thing,

where you read
the descriptions...

I would be happy to.

What a waste of my talent.

[laughs]

(Vince)
Figured you'd be great at that.

(Lisa R) That's all right.

Let the other girls

who haven't worked
as much as I have

play the parts.

[laughs]

Don't you think I would be
better doing the announcer

and her doing Peanut,
who eats a peanut...

No, you're not recasting.
Excuse me.

Yeah, who said you could recast?

(Kyle)
You get what you get,
and you don't get upset.

This person eats
1/2 a peanut a day.

That's clearly not me.

(Lisa V)
1/2 peanut only has two lines.

I did not sit in the car
for an hour and a half

to play Peanut.

No, no, no.

So let's get started.

First of all, thank you all
for coming here and doing this.

This is very, very nice of you.

- Good luck.
- Okay.

"This story is based on
truths and myths

"from a Hollywood poker game.

We move closer
to reveal Duke Madsen."

"How dare you try to stiff
my family?

You got some nerve."

"Okay, [bleep]head.

Give me your cash
or you're a dead man."

[snickering]

Hi, I'm Kyle Richards,

and I will be playing Chucky,
the degenerate gambler.

"At the poker game, new faces."

"Um, I'd like to play more.
I'm stuck."

(Vince) "I'm sorry, Hank.

"It's 2:00. The game's over.

Okay, guys. Let's settle up."

- "[bleep] you."
- "What did you say?"

"I didn't say anything."

(Eileen)
I think Kim's got
the sock puppet down.

She's not just playing
a sock puppet.

She's playing a puppeteer.

"You can't take her.

That's a $1/2 million
race horse."

"Who's gonna stop me?"

"Look, you crazy bitch.
Give me my horse back."

(Lisa V)
I don't think I really focused
on the story.

I was just looking for
my next line.

Duke sees angry Jim
getting a blowjob

from a trashy girl.

"What the hell is this?

I mean, is this a poker game
or a strip club?"

Vince's screenplay is about
poker, [bleep], and a puppet.

[laughs]

(Vince)
To be continued. The end.

Whoo-hoo-hoo.

(Yolanda) Blankie.

(Blanca)
Ready for your vitamins?

Um, as ready as I'm gonna be,
yeah.

(Yolanda)
I'm on a very strict
vitamin regimen.

I take about 20 different herbs
from all over the world.

It just takes patience
and hard-core dedication

to find the cure
and to find the answers

to get back my health.

[doorbell dings]

- Hi, guys.
- Hi, how's it going?

- How are you?
- Good, how are you?

- Nice to see you.
- Nice to see you.

I was thinking
we would sit outside.

- Sounds great.
- That'd be perfect.

- It's a beautiful day today.
- We'll follow you.

(Yolanda)
You know, I've planned
a big scavenger hunt

around Beverly Hills.

It's so exciting, you know?

It's just a game,

but I just love playing games.

Now, remind us, did you play
one of our races,

or you just organized
one of the races?

I was on the...
Playing with Billy Crystal.

And somehow we got on
the birthday party

that he did for his wife,

and he just spoke about it
so highly.

- Nice.
- That's what we like to hear.

(Yolanda)
And, you know,
the way he told the story,

I was like, "Oh, my God,
I need to do this."

I thought that this would be
just a playful way of...

- Bringing everybody...
- Bringing everybody together...

And also find a newfound respect
for each other

and for each other's brilliance.

(Yolanda) It's being a child.

It's being fun, let go
of all this serious stuff

that's going on in life
and just have pure fun.

I was thinking of doing...
Printing T-shirts,

every T-shirt saying
"Dream Team."

Great. That'll work.

- Okay?
- That'll work.

Considering the fool
I made out of myself

last year by giving
only certain people

a heart next to their name...

(Kyle)
How come some people
have little hearts

on their cards
and some people don't?

Brandi and Lisa got a heart.

- Yes, my team.
- And I got a heart.

- The Dream Team. [laughter]

I just still felt that
I needed to make up for that.

- Sounds great.
- Okay, great.

- Thank you.
- Thanks for coming, guys.

- Awesome.
- I feel so bad.

I didn't even offer you
a water or something.

(Kyle)
Is this just ice tea, maybe?

This is ice tea,
and this is blueberry lemonade.

Where's the Emmy, Eileen?

- My Emmy?
- Yeah, where is it?

It's upstairs.

I think it's time for you
to hand it over.

I want to get my dirty paws
on that Emmy

just to feel it.

Okay, Vanderpump.

(Lisa V) Oh!

In honor of your...

In honor of
your amazing performance,

you are being...
I can let you hold it

for, like, a couple minutes.

- [laughs]
- Wow, it's heavy.

- Isn't it heavy?
- Wow.

(Lisa V)
I slept my way to the top,

make no bones about it.

So this is for
every blowjob I ever gave.

It was worth it.

I could show all these bimbos
a trick or two.

I wouldn't have an Emmy.
I'd have an Oscar.

Thank you.

Your script is fun,
and we had fun today.

I had a lunch with Brandi.

It was very interesting.

- Do tell.
- It was fine.

(Eileen)
Well, honestly, it seems like
she's fine until she's not.

So I'm sure that...
I have no problem with her

until I do,
you know what I'm saying?

- It's not like I'm like...
- Exactly.

And that's what I'm trying
to figure out.

Like, where does that
[bleep] come from?

This is a difficult one,
you know,

just because it's like...

You know, she's my sister,
she's my friend, and...

Yeah, what is that like for you?

It puts me in
a very bad situation.

I want my...
I want to have my sister,

and I want to have my friend.

Right now,
I'm going through a lot.

I know.

(Kim) And I think... I think...

- I know.
- I've been sick.

My friend is... Monty's not well.

Are you ready for today?

Yeah. How 'bout yourself?

Starting to cry again, so...

Watching him not be well
is very hard, and...

So it's just like... you know,
Brandi's like, "Come over"

or "Let's barbecue"
or "Let's do something."

It's just... even
the smallest things like that.

Just for me to go over, like,
maybe for an hour or two

and just say,
"Yeah, I'll be back."

'Cause he's maybe too weak
to go somewhere,

and then I'll just be, "Okay,"
and...

(Lisa R) You just need a break.

I just go for an hour or two.

That's fine.

That's not what
anybody's saying.

We know you need support
right now.

The only thing we're saying is,

don't let her
come between you two.

She just said
some creepy things, you know.

(Lisa V)
That's the only thing,
you know what I mean?

Plus saying those things
about Kyle.

Because she can be,
like, vicious.

You know that.

(Kim) Some of what she says,

she gets, like, riled up
and she does say to be mean

'cause that... Brandi...
She does that sometimes.

But we can't just excuse that.

But she's always done that.

(Kim)
But some of it,
I think she believes.

Like, she believes.

She doesn't know our history.

She doesn't know
what we've been through.

(Kyle) I feel frustrated.

For whatever reason,
she chose to turn to Brandi

and not to me.

How can I be there

if I don't even know
what's going on?

(Kim)
I tend to... and this tends from
when I drank... isolate.

And it's something
I always go back on.

I think we all do.

Just...
It's just something I do, so...

I'll just stay at home
and drink a martini...

Do you do that too?

- I do it.
- I do that too.

And just sit in my room
and just watch TV

and just stay there.

That scares me
when I start to do that.

Yeah, you don't want to do that.

That is a...

That scares me
that I'm gonna go there.

The rift between Kyle and Brandi
is because of Kim.

Why do you want people
to fight over you?

'Cause then maybe
they're too busy

to take a look at what's really
going on with you.

(Lisa V)
I think you should talk
to somebody every day

to keep you strong and keep...
You know what I mean?

- Just to kind of re...
- I feel like I've done that.

I know that maybe I should,
but I'm just like, "Ugh."

I understand that,
but if there's ever, like,

a lot of pressure on somebody,
it's on you now.

(Kim)
Like, I don't know why people
get involved in stuff

that has nothing to do
with them.

People need to mind
their own beeswax.

(Lisa R)
You can get help.
You can talk to people.

You could go to a... you know,
if you feel comfortable

going to a meeting,
going to a group.

Anything so that
you're not alone.

[in singsong]
Blah, blah-blah, blah-blah.

Right?

(Lisa R) Kim doesn't accept

any accountability.

This is going on,

and no one's saying,
"Own your [bleep]."

(Kyle) Coming up...

[all shout]

(Lisa R)
I'm gonna take a deep breath.

- [inhales deeply]
- It's not even on drive yet.

Oh, my God.

(Lisa R) Delilah's been driving

only for a couple of months.

She just got her permit.

And it just makes me nervous,

and I'm a panic-er.

- All right, here we go.
- Oh, I'm scared.

- Why?
- Should I just go straight?

- Just go straight.
- I'm just gonna keep going.

You're... well, just... don't...
[stammers]

Just watch where you're going.

Mom, I was.
I was checking the street.

- Oh.
- [laughs]

- Oh, my God.
- What? I just stopped.

(Lisa R)
I just don't want to scare her

because of her scaring me.

- Don't hit those trash cans.
- Mom!

(Lisa R)
If I don't end up with whiplash

on the way home, I'll be okay.

- Isn't this great?
- Yeah.

I know, it's so pretty.

We're the first ones.

- Let's go to the bar.
- Okay.

I love how we're both in pink.

Of course.

In honor of Lisa,
we had to wear pink.

- Hi.
- Hello.

- How are you?
- Doing great.

(Mark) Has Lisa and Eileen

known each other
for a long time?

Yeah, 'cause they were on
soap operas together.

(Mark)
Oh, they were on the same one?

They were on the same one, yeah.

- Do you know Eileen?
- No.

She's very reserved,
and so she kind of sits back

and makes a lot of judgments
about other people, but...

(Kim)
I think she just has
her favorites,

and we're not them.

And I think that that's...
And that's fine.

I did throw wine in her face
on accident.

- You did?
- [laughs]

(Kim) "On accident"?

(Kathy) Now I'm getting nervous

There's all of this drama
walking in.

No, no. The good thing is...

Do I pretend I know you guys
or not?

[laughs] Oh, you don't know me.

[both laugh]

(Lisa R)
I'm trying to figure out

what's really going on with Kim
and Ky...

And everybody, of course.

And I think you are too.

As Kim was getting emotional

about her life
and what's going on with Monty

and saying, "I'm afraid
if I isolate myself,

I'm gonna go back into..."

- Her old behavior.
- Her old behavior.

And then I felt you
just kind of back away.

Not that I doubted her
having a hard time...

I agree.

But... I don't know.

There's a disconnect there
somewhere for me.

What Kim is saying is not
matching how she's behaving.

If a person who is sober
takes a drink or a hit,

does that mean that
they're no longer sober,

or did they just slip?

I don't know.

I would think that they need
to talk to somebody

and get back on track.

Well, remember...

Does Brandi have
any kind of a insight?

'Cause she's the one
who sees her more.

Well, she's concerned.

Clearly, Brandi says things
that are hurtful to Kyle.

Yes. Which I... yes.

So it's all very interconnected
and weird.

And I don't want to judge
that relationship,

but it seems like, if
you care about your relationship

with your sister, then you need
to tell your friend to shut up.

(Eileen)
Part of the reason why
it's a dogfight

is because Brandi made
really horrible accusations

against Kyle,

and Kim didn't say,
"That's not true."

I never heard Kim say,
"That's not true."

Ever.

- Ooh.
- Oh, so pretty.

Oh, look at the bar.

(woman) So pretty.

(Brandi) Hi. How are you?

Hi, beautiful.

- How are you feeling?
- Good.

- All right.
- Good.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

No, 'cause you're only
having water.

I know, I have a cleanse
with Yolanda, so I can't.

I just wanted to say to you,

I am hearing
all kinds of things,

but I don't want to hear
anything from anybody.

I just want you to know
that I love you,

I'm here to support you,
and I will never judge you.

And wherever I can help you,
allow me to help you.

- Thank you.
- Okay?

- Yeah.
- So remember that, okay?

- And I really mean it.
- I know that.

(Ken) Let's do it.

You look very pretty tonight
on your birthday.

Thank you.
Not bad for an old bag.

(Ken) Not bad.

How old are you?

(Lisa V) 50-[bleep]-4.

(Lisa V voice-over)
Yeah, I've stopped being
one of those women

that worries about
getting older.

Maybe that's got something to do
with the fact

that my husband's
15 years older than me.

I've always felt like
a child to him.

So I've got no choice
but to keep him.

Okay, off we go.

[women chatting]

- How are you?
- Good, how are you?

- Good, how...
- Hi, sisters!

[smooches] Hi. Look how pretty.

(Kyle) I know that Ken and Lisa

are not exactly thrilled
with Brandi these days,

so I don't know
why she would be here.

(Yolanda) Do you want water?

I don't want to...
Look at you guys.

You guys are in
all these colors.

You're so pretty.

(Ken)
Go straight through, driver.

- James.
- James, sorry.

I forgot his name for a moment.

I just got a text from Mike.

I've got to pop into Pump
on the way.

Oh, no, come on.
What's the time?

It's 7:25.

Yeah, we're supposed to be there
at 7:30.

- I told him I'd handle it.
- Oh, bloody hell, Ken.

- It's my birthday.
- I know, but...

- Let's just take a night.
- There's a problem.

I'm not going in there
to sort out a problem.

I'm not... no.

We'll just pop in there.
Two seconds.

No, we're going to Chateau.

Mohamed doesn't like
to be kept waiting.

Everyone, as you know, this is
a surprise party for Lisa.

So we're all gonna hide
behind this bar.

Go on the right then, in case
we have to make a detour.

No, we're not going to stop.
James, don't stop at Pump.

- Keep going.
- Okay.

Stay to the right.

James, we're going to
the Chateau.

(Ken) James.

(Lisa V)
No, I don't want
to go by Pump.

James, I'll tell you when.

Just pull over now.

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Stop.

- She totally...
- She can see us.

Mohamed Hadid, tell the truth.

She totally knows we're here.

[sarcastically]
No, she's never gonna see us,
guys.

(woman) Down! Duck down.

(woman) Okay.

What's the problem that
you can't handle it yourself?

(woman)
Here they come. Here they come.
Here they come.

[all shout]

[all cheering]

(Lisa V) Get me a drink.

Hi, love. What... seriously?

How did you make the cut?

[laughter]

(Lisa V) I didn't have a clue.

Not a bloody clue.

(Mohamed)
Happy birthday, darling.

I will never trust you again.

Never. Well, come out of there.

It's just a lovely feeling
to be surrounded by

some people that have
truly been supportive

and kind and sweet.

And Brandi.

Well, sit, everybody.

Love this.

[indistinct conversations]

Where's my bag?

Um, I don't know.
Giggy stole it.

[glass clinking]

I just have a few words to say

that your loving friends
are here

to celebrate your birthday.

You make our life beautiful.

- We love you.
- Thank you.

(Mohamed) We admire you,

and we trust you as well,
so happy birthday.

(Lisa V)
Oh, I like that. Thank you.

(Brandi)
I think Mohamed's relationship
with Lisa is creepy.

"Yes, Lisa.
Whatever you say, Lisa.

I love you, Lisa.
You're the queen, Lisa."

(Lisa V) Okay. That's it?

We're good to go?
Okay, anybody else?

Excuse me. Oh, I'm sorry.

Okay. Oh, yes, yes.

Yes, okay.

I want to start off with...
Brandi, where is she?

Oh, she's not at the table
so I can talk about her.

[laughs]

She's such a bitch,

and I cannot believe
she had the nerve to show...

I'm joking.

Yolanda, I'm joking.

Cheers to love and happiness
and friendship.

(woman)
We love you. Happy birthday.

[all toasting] - Happy birthday.

(Lisa V) Thank you. Thank you.

(woman) You missed the toast.

- Was I in it?
- Oh, yeah.

Oh, God.

It's probably good
that I wasn't here.

I had to go to the bathroom
at the right time.

Ken, I see you've made amends
with Brandi.

I've made amends?

- What do you mean, "amends"?
- Well, she's here.

I don't hold grudges.

That's a tricky question,
isn't it?

I know. You don't. You're good.

No. Shut up.
What's that supposed to mean?

- Only you do.
- No, shut up.

I didn't say I'd forgiven her.

I invited her 'cause I don't
like to leave anybody out.

(Kyle) If I'm gonna have a party

and invite everybody just to be
politically correct,

then I'm gonna have a room
full of people

that I don't really want to
spend my time with.

You just can't stay away
from me.

- She can't stay away from me.
- Who's sitting here?

- That belongs to me.
- [gasps]

That really hurt.

(man)
There was a thorn on there.

I am going to give you a pass

'cause it is your birthday,
otherwise...

(Kim) Hi, birthday girl.

Hello, darling.

(Brandi) Yes, it was a jab,

but, listen,
if I was turning 73,

I would be a little jab-y too.

I know what would really
make it up to me...

If you got up and sang a song
on your own.

Oh, I will do that.
What would you like?

Do you know Sorry Seems To Be
The Hardest Word?

- No.
- You could start with that.

Okay, I could make up...
You want me to make up a song?

- Love it.
- Perfect.

All right, go on then,
off you go.

- Anything for you. Now?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right. Excuse me.

And let's hear it for Brandi.
She's gonna sing.

Wait, I have to put my shoes on.

(Lisa V)
I know Brandi actually
hates singing,

and I know she can't sing,
so let's see how much

she's willing to put herself out
for my birthday.

Brandi's gonna sing.

Brandi's gonna sing?

(Brandi)
♪♪ What are you gonna do ♪♪

♪♪ When Lisa Vanderpump
doesn't like you ♪♪

[laughter]

♪♪ What you need to do ♪♪

♪♪ Is just sing ♪♪

♪♪ Sorry ♪♪

♪♪ So... ♪♪

[squeaks] ♪♪ Eeek ♪♪

♪♪ ...rry ♪♪

(Brandi) That's it. Yay!

[scattered cheers]

Fantastic!

(Brandi)
Anything for you.
Anything for you.

(Kyle)
This is a pretty
good punishment, I think,

for Brandi, having to sing
"I'm sorry"

in front of everybody
at Lisa's birthday.

That's your gift, Lisa.

♪♪ It's my birthday ♪♪

♪♪ Come and sing with me,
my little friend ♪♪

♪♪ Because you are 50,
and now you're 50 ♪♪

♪♪ Oh, I can't sing,
I'll ruin your night ♪♪

[Lisa V laughs]

♪♪ But happy birthday, Lisa ♪♪

♪♪ I love you very much ♪♪

[piano music playing]

♪♪ I love Lisa Vanderpump ♪♪

♪♪ I love Lisa Rinna too ♪♪

♪♪ We like pink,
and we like sex too ♪♪

[laughs]

♪ Don't speak for me,
you know that's not true ♪

♪♪ But you give
a damn good blowjob ♪♪

♪♪ You know that's not true ♪♪

[both laughing]

♪♪ I love a Lisa sandwich ♪♪

Ay, ay, ay.

This could go on all night.

(Brandi voice-over)
The Menopause Mamas
were fighting over the mic,

and I was not about to
jump in that fight,

'cause Mama still gets the flow,
if you know what that means.

♪♪ Rinna and Pump ♪♪

♪♪ Ass and lips ♪♪

♪♪ Tits and ass ♪♪

[women laughing]

(Kim) Coming up...

We don't feel right not saying
something about it to her.

It's not gonna end well.

[applause]

Whoo!

(man) Blow, Lisa.

(Lisa V) Okay.

(man) Open it.

(man) Open!

Oh, my God.

(man) Oh, my God.

Who wants the old one?

Oh, my God, yes,
I get the leftover.

Yeah. Oh, yes.

(women) Aw.

- Yes.
- I love you.

Thank you.

Oh, my pleasure.

Where's Giggy?

(Lisa V) I might let Ken think

that he's buying me exactly
what he wants to buy me...

I think I'd almost
sell Giggy for this.

Okay, I wouldn't sell Giggy,
but I'd sell Ken.

[laughs]

But I certainly push him
in the right direction.

My foot up his ass.

[laughs]

(Lisa V) Thief! Come back here.

[laughs]

- Thank you so much!
- Thief!

I loved you bloody so much!

Get your skinny ass
back in there.

- Put it back down there. No.
- [squeals]

I can't carry them.

Put them back on the table now.

[bleep] heavy, Lisa!

Hello.

I decided to just
touch up out here.

- Okay.
- It's so hot, right?

I don't want to make you feel
weird, but...

'cause I know that you're very
protective of your sister.

[horn honks]

But, um, we think Kim is, like...

Whatever "the program" is,
she's not doing it,

and that maybe she's deflecting

from other stuff
that's going on.

(Eileen)
I'm feeling really divided
about how to proceed with Kim.

But Lisa Rinna feels
it's a moral obligation,

since we've seen the behavior,
that we have to say something.

And I agree.

You know, I have a lot of
emotions about them.

It's just weird. It's weird.

I feel bad for her.

I-I feel angry.

Does she have a sponsor?

This is the questions
that Lisa and I were asking.

If she's in "the program,"
does she have a sponsor?

Is there somebody checking in
on her?

Is she checking in with them?

She did. I don't know.

That's what I mean.
It's all very wishy-washy.

You know, here's the thing.

I feel like sometimes people...
When she says, you know,

"You're not there for me
every day."

I can't be, Eileen, every day.

- Obviously.
- I have a husband.

I have four children.
I'm trying to work.

I'm trying to do
a million things.

And you know what, the truth is,

we don't do really well
being together

all the time like that,
you know?

I totally get that.

(Kyle) Because of Kim's history.

People are quick to jump
and assume things,

and as much as
people want to help

and they're coming from
a good place,

it's almost impossible.

There's too many things
about her being afraid

that she's gonna slip back into
old behaviors.

She's saying that an awful lot.

Then I'm feeling like if I'm not
there with her every day

that that's gonna happen.

- I mean, I...
- I know.

It's a huge responsibility.

Being around and seeing it...

Not to acknowledge it,
it feels irresponsible.

I'm not asking you
to do anything.

I'm not asking you at all.

I'm just... out of respect to you,
I'm saying

we don't feel right not saying
something about it to her.

(Kyle)
I know that Lisa Rinna
and Eileen

are coming from a good place,

but it's not gonna end well.

It's very complicated.

(Kyle)
Next time on The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills...

[screaming]

(Lisa R)
I've been to a lot
of charity events,

and this one, I have to say,
is quite spectacular.

Welcome to the Fantastic
Beverly Hills Race.

Let's go!

Where's her leg?

[women cheering]

- Okay, this is fun.
- Not really.

We're gonna beat them to a pulp!

I am not trying
to take down your sobriety.

I was concerned about you.

Drop it now.

(Yolanda)
Amsterdam, here we come.

I lost my rolling bag.

So ridiculous.

You don't have a [bleep] butler
on this trip.

Every time I'm ever late,
you always make a big deal,

laughing and leave me.

What is she talking about?

I don't even know
where that just came from.

Welcome to Amsterdam?

I can't even deal.

(Eileen)
To learn more about
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