The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 4, Episode 18 - The Kids Are All Right - full transcript

- PREVIOUSLY ON THE REAL
HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...

- WHEN YOU'RE LAYING
IN YOUR COLLEGE ROOM

AND YOU MISS ME,

YOU CAN LOOK
AT YOUR TATTOO AND GO,

"MOM, I MISS YOU SO MUCH."
AND YOU CALL ME.

- "MOM, I MISS YOU. I LOVE YOU."

- I'M SCARED FOR THE MOMENT
WHEN YOU LEAVE

AND THEN I JUST REALIZE,
LIKE, I'M STAYING HERE.

- I KNOW. IT'S CRAZY.
I CAN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.

- JOYCE IS GOING TO PUERTO RICO.

WOULDN'T IT BE FUN
IF WE WENT TOO?



- YEAH.

- THIS IS WHY WE CAME.

- [laughs]

- AM I YOUR HOLLYWOOD FRIEND,
OR AM I YOUR REAL FRIEND?

- YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M NOT DOING THIS.

- WHY ARE YOU WALKING AWAY?

- BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO...
I DON'T WANT YOU TRYING TO...

- BUT WE'RE HAVING
A CONVERSATION.

- I HAD THE TABLOIDS
AT MY HOUSE.

LISA PUT IT IN MY LUGGAGE AND
GOES, "YOU NEED TO BRING THIS."

- I'M SUCH AN IDIOT.

- I'M JUST [bleep] PISSED.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER?

- YOU'RE CAUGHT.
YOU'RE LYING. YOU'RE CAUGHT.

- I'M [bleep] OUTTA HERE.
- I WANNA KNOW THE TRUTH.



- I DIDN'T SEE THE TABLOIDS
UNTIL I GOT BACK.

- NO, IT'S NOT TRUE.

- COME ON, THIS ISN'T A...

THIS IS A [bleep]
SABOTAGE ATTACK.

YOU ARE SO STUPID!
- DON'T CALL ME STUPID.

- I'M NOT GONNA HAVE THEM
TALKING ABOUT YOU LIKE THAT.

[upbeat music]

- I'M FROM THIS TOWN.

I KNOW WHAT'S REAL
AND WHAT'S FAKE.

- DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE
MY FRIEND, ACT LIKE ONE.

- IN BEVERLY HILLS, THE HIGHER
YOU CLIMB, THE FARTHER YOU FALL.

- EVERYBODY LOVES
A COMEBACK STORY,

ESPECIALLY STARRING ME.

- IN MY WORLD,
MONEY DOESN'T TALK, IT SWEARS.

- YOU COULD NEVER BE TOO YOUNG,
TOO THIN, OR TOO HONEST.

- LIFE IS A SEXY, LITTLE DANCE,
AND I LIKE TO TAKE LEAD.

- I WOKE UP VERY EARLY
AND CALLED ALL MY FRIENDS

ON THE EAST COAST 'CAUSE
I FIGURED THEY WERE AWAKE,

AND I GOT IN A FEW FIGHTS
WITH MY EX-HUSBAND.

- HOW ARE YOUR KIDS?
- THEY'RE, UM... THEY'RE GOOD.

- I CALLED LAST NIGHT.

SOMETIMES 'CAUSE
MY KIDS ARE OLDER,

IT'S HARD TO, LIKE,
TRACK 'EM ALL DOWN,

BUT LAST NIGHT EVERY ONE OF THEM
ANSWERED EXACTLY WHEN I CALLED.

- THAT'S SO NICE. MINE DON'T
LIKE TO TALK ON THE PHONE.

"I LOVE YOU, GOOD NIGHT."

BUT YOU JUST WANT THEM TO KNOW
YOU'RE THINKING OF THEM.

- GOOD MORNING, GIRLS.
- GOOD MORNING.

- HI.
- OH, MY HAIR IS BLOWING.

- HOW ARE YOU?
- HOW ARE YOU?

- YOU'RE REALLY DONE-UP.

- I LOVE THIS OUTFIT.
- THANK YOU.

- HI. THAT LOOKS PRETTY ON YOU.
- MM. THANK YOU.

- HAS ANYBODY HEARD FROM LISA?
- UH...

- NO.
- NO.

- WHEN LISA FELT
THAT I HAD WRONGED HER,

I APOLOGIZED TO HER
OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

NOW I NEED AN APOLOGY.

BUT I DON'T THINK
I'M GONNA GET IT.

I WAS GONNA SEND KEN
A TEXT TODAY FOR LAST NIGHT.

- I'M TIRED
OF YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH.

YOU'RE A BIG, STUBBORN, OLD MAN!

SHUT UP!

- I RENEGE. [laughs]

I KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO.

- SHE SHOULD'VE STAYED
AND RESOLVED IT.

- YEAH. I AGREE.

- AND THEN IT DOESN'T
BECOME THAT BIG OF AN ISSUE.

I THINK IT'S VERY CHILDISH

FOR ADULTS TO WALK AWAY
FROM THE TABLE.

AND IT MAKES YOU LOOK GUILTY,

REGARDLESS IF YOU'RE
GUILTY OR NOT.

- I JUST ASKED A QUESTION.
I DIDN'T WANT TO CAUSE A FIGHT.

I DIDN'T WANT IT
TO TURN INTO THAT,

BUT THERE'S NO WAY
THAT ANYBODY WOULD HEAR THAT

AND NOT SAY, "DID YOU DO THIS?"

I WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT
THE TABLOIDS IN THE SUITCASE.

- I DIDN'T SEE THE TABLOIDS
UNTIL I GOT BACK.

- YEAH, THAT'S US. YEAH.
- YEAH, RIGHT HERE. PERFECT.

ALL RIGHT.

- I FEEL REALLY BAD
ABOUT, YOU KNOW...

- WHAT IS IT?

- ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED
LAST NIGHT.

I THINK IT JUST
NEEDED TO HAPPEN.

IT WAS ONE OF THOSE
THINGS THAT...

- NO, LISTEN, I DON'T THINK
YOU NEED TO FEEL BAD.

HONESTLY, I THINK YOU'RE THE ONE
THAT DESERVES AN ANSWER.

- I LOST IT.

I MEAN, I KNOW THAT WE GENUINELY
LIKE EACH OTHER, I KNOW THAT.

BUT IT'S LIKE... IT'S JUST
A SENSATION OF BETRAYAL.

I'VE NEVER HAD A... I'VE NEVER
FELT LIKE THAT IN MY LIFE.

THEY'VE CLAIMED TO BE MY FRIEND
AND TO HAVE MY BACK,

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN
I'M LEARNING FROM EVERYBODY

THAT THAT WAS NOT THE CASE,
AND, ON THE CONTRARY,

THEY WERE DOING STUFF
TO CAUSE PROBLEMS

TO MY LIFE AND TO MY FAMILY.

THAT'S NOT A FRIEND,
THAT'S STRAIGHT-UP BETRAYAL.

- I FEEL LIKE YOU LOVE HER
SO HARD... I LOVE HER TOO...

BUT, LIKE, IT'S...

- BUT HOW CAN YOU
LOVE SOMEBODY THAT... THAT...

- IT'S ALMOST UNHEALTHY.

- YOU KNOW, THAT THROWS YOU
UNDER THE BUS LIKE THAT?

AND TALKS ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND
THAT WAY? I'M SORRY.

- I NEED THERAPY.
I NEED THERAPY.

- YOU AND KYLE...
YOU DESERVE AN HONEST ANSWER.

I THINK YOU WANT TO KNOW,
AND I THINK

THAT'S WHAT YOU MADE CLEAR.

I THINK YOU WANT TO KNOW,
ARE THESE FRIENDS YOU CAN TRUST,

OR ARE YOU BEING BETRAYED?

THIS IS FAMILY.
I MEAN, THIS IS YOUR FAMILY.

AND YOU DON'T WANT ANYBODY
IN YOUR CIRCLE

THAT POTENTIALLY WISHES YOU ILL
THERE OR, YOU KNOW,

REALLY BETRAYS YOU
ON THAT LEVEL.

SO I THINK YOU...

I THINK YOU STILL ARE OWED
AN ANSWER, HONESTLY.

- I HAD A HARD TIME SLEEPING
LAST NIGHT BECAUSE...

- I BET. I-I CAN IMAGINE.

I CAN IMAGINE KYLE COULDN'T
SLEEP AT ALL, PROBABLY.

- YEAH.
- LOOK, I LIKE THOSE GUYS.

BUT THEM AVOIDING IT
AND LEAVING,

I DON'T THINK THAT'S THE ANSWER.

- RIGHT.
- THAT'S FOR SURE.

I MEAN, YOU MIGHT HAVE
YOUR ANSWER, UNFORTUNATELY.

YOU KNOW THAT.

- AGREED.

- WE DO LOVE THEM,
AND THAT'S WHY THE...

- WELL, I JUST
WENT TO THE BATHROOM,

SO I THOUGHT,
LET ME STOP BY THE CONCIERGE,

AND APPARENTLY THEY ORDERED
A TAXI AT 4:30 THIS MORNING

AND LEFT THE HOTEL AT 5:00 A.M.

- WHERE DID THEY GO?

- TO THE AIRPORT.
THEY WENT HOME.

- THEY'RE GONE.
- WHY LEAVE?

- WELL, BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT
TO HAVE THE CONVERSATIONS

THAT PEOPLE ARE WANTING
WITH THEM, I GUESS.

I DON'T KNOW.

- I JUST WISH THAT KEN AND LISA
DIDN'T LEAVE LIKE THAT

AND CONFIRM WHAT
I ALREADY FELT TO BE TRUE.

- I THINK SHE SHOULD'VE
AT LEAST CALLED ME AND SAID,

"LISTEN, I'M SORRY
I'M LEAVING FROM THE TRIP,

I JUST DON'T WANT TO CONFRONT
THIS CONVERSATION.

- I'M SORRY THAT THEY LEFT.
I FEEL THAT THAT'S TOO BAD.

THAT, UM...

NO, I'M NOT.

I'M NOT SORRY THEY LEFT.

- LET'S MAKE A DEAL,
GIRLS, HANDS ON.

- LET'S TALK ABOUT IT IN L.A.
- NO MORE. THE WHOLE DAY.

WE'RE NOT TALKING
ABOUT IT ANYMORE.

- WE DON'T TALK ABOUT LISA
OR KEN FOR THE REST OF THE DAY.

- YEAH, WE'RE GONNA...

YOU GUYS SMELL THAT? [sniffs]

- WHAT?
- STORES.

[laughter]

- [laughs]

- ARE MY GLASSES THERE?

- HE'S BEAUTIFUL. YOUR BABY?

YOUR BABY IS BEAUTIFUL.

- NO! I DON'T WANT THAT NEAR ME.
- [screams]

- SO CUTE,
BUT I DON'T WANT IT NEAR ME.

IT'S REALLY CUTE.
- I GOT YOU A PRESENT...

- IT GOES GOOD
WITH YOUR OUTFIT, YOLANDA.

- I GOT YOU A PRESENT.
- YOLANDA...

I DON'T WANT IT
TO COME OVER HERE!

NO, PLEASE! I'M SERIOUS!
DON'T! I'M SCARED! NO!

[moans]

I DON'T LIKE CREATURES
WITH LONG NAILS.

- DO YOU LIKE IT?
YOU CAN TAKE IT TO L.A.

- IT DOESN'T EXACTLY LOOK LIKE
A FLUFFY KITTY TO ME, OKAY?

- OKAY, ONE, TWO, THREE.

- GRACIAS. OH...

- CAN I HOLD HIM?

OH...

THEY'RE SO CUTE.
THEY'RE SO CUTE.

[tiny voice] THEY'RE SO CUTE!

EE! THEY'RE SO CUTE.

I LOVE THEM.

I LOVE THEM!

I LOVE THEM. I LOVE THEM.

I DO, I LOVE THEM.

GET AWAY FROM ME.

I WANT A PICTURE ALONE
WITH HIM FOR A WHILE.

- KIM WILL GO UP AND FEED A
SQUIRREL THAT COULD HAVE RABIES.

SHE DOESN'T CARE.

- OKAY, CALM DOWN. OH, MY GOSH.

- DO IT QUICK,
DO IT QUICK, DO IT QUICK.

- THANK YOU.
- THANK YOU.

- GRACIAS.

- THANK YOU.

- SO THIS IS THE CHRISTOPHER
COLUMBUS STATUE.

YOU KNOW CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS
DISCOVERED PUERTO RICO.

SO THIS IS, LIKE, THE MIDDLE
OF THE CITY RIGHT HERE.

SAN JUAN ALMOST FEELS LIKE
YOU'RE IN LITTLE SPAIN.

LOOK AT ALL THE COLORS,
AND YOU SEE THE COBBLESTONE.

I LOVE WALKING DOWN SAN JUAN,
UP AND DOWN THE STREETS.

IT'S BAD FOR THE HEELS,
BUT IT'S REALLY FUN TO DO.

- KYLE, I'M GONNA...

- OH, I'M NOT DOING THAT.
YOU'RE TALLER THAN ME.

- LOOK AT YOU.
- YOLANDA'S GONNA GET HURT.

- COME ON, DO IT, GIRLS.

- OH! THE DRESS.
- UH-OH!

- WE ALL HAVE TO DO THIS?
- WAIT, WHAT HAVE I DONE?

- [laughs]

- MY BUTT IS GONNA SHOW!
- OH!

- OKAY, NEXT.

- COME ON.
- YEAH, THERE YOU GO.

- GO AHEAD.
- YOU DO IT, YOU DO IT.

- I'M GONNA HURT MYSELF.

- BRANDI JUST WALKS OVER IT.

- [laughs]
- THAT'S TRUE. SHE'S TALL.

- I WISH EVERY DAY
WAS LIKE THIS WITH THESE GIRLS.

SEEMS TO BE, LIKE,
A HUGE SHIFT IN THE ENERGY.

- BEAUTIFUL.

- THIS IS ALL, UM...
HOW DO YOU CALL IT?

[both laughing]

- DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT REMINDS
ME OF? THE TOP OF THAT?

- WHAT?

- IT REMINDS ME OF YOLANDA
AT THE TOP OF THE EIFFEL TOWER.

- WHOO!

- OH!

- YOLANDA,
DON'T JOKE AROUND LIKE THAT.

- SHE HAS A PENIS.

- OH, THAT'S A MAN, THOUGH.
- IS THAT A MAN?

- GET BACK, GIRLS.

- ONE, TWO...

- I'M GONNA HAVE TO GET
IN THIS FOUNTAIN.

- LET'S GO IN!

- YOU'RE NOT REALLY FRIENDS

UNTIL YOU'VE COMMITTED
YOUR FIRST CRIME TOGETHER.

- [laughs]

- YOU THINK WE'LL
GET IN TROUBLE?

- HEY, GUYS!

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN
A PUERTO RICAN PRISON?

WELL, YOU'RE ABOUT TO.

- IT'S A VERY RISKY THING

WHEN YOU'RE IN
A STRANGE PLACE LIKE THAT,

WHEN A LOT OF THE PEOPLE
SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE.

- WE DIDN'T HAVE A PENNY,
SO WE JUST GOT...

'CAUSE SHE DIDN'T HAVE ONE.

- I DIDN'T HAVE A PENNY
FOR A WISH.

- THE POLICE ARE COMING!
GET OUT, GET OUT!

- I DON'T KNOW THEM.
- [screams, giggles]

- POLICE!

[speaking gibberish]

OH, NO!

- I DO SPEAK SPANISH.

BUT NOT ENOUGH
TO GET THEM OUT OF JAIL.

- GUESS WHAT.

BYE.

- AYE YI-YI.

- WE SHOULD GO TO A SALSA BAND.

- I KNOW. I WANT TO.

- [humming]

- YO, YO.
- YO, YO.

- HELLO. [knocks]

- KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.

OH, MY GOD,
IT FEELS SO GOOD IN HERE.

- I'M ALWAYS PROUD WHEN PEOPLE

TELL ME STORIES ABOUT HOW MUCH
FUN THEY HAD IN PUERTO RICO.

IT JUST MAKES ME FEEL
SO OVERWHELMED WITH JOY,

BECAUSE I WOULD LOVE THE WORLD

TO LOVE PUERTO RICO
AS MUCH AS I DO.

- OH, MY GOD, YOU GUYS,
THIS IS FUNNY.

LOOK AT YOU GUYS ON THE RUN.
- THAT'S A GIANT WINE BOTTLE.

- OH!
- [laughs]

- LOOK AT YOU AND BRANDI
ON THE RUN WHEN THE POLICE CAME.

- THE PO-PO IS COMING.

- GET OUT NOW!

- BRANDI WAS LIKE,
"NO, THEY'RE REALLY COMING."

AND SHE WAS LIKE...

- EVERYBODY JUST WANTED

TO PUT WHAT HAPPENED WITH LISA
BEHIND US AND GO AND HAVE FUN.

LIFE'S TOO SHORT
TO DWELL ON THE NEGATIVITY.

THEY'RE DOING A PARTY
AT THE BEVERLY HILTON,

THE BEVERLY HILLS
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE,

CELEBRATING THE 100 YEARS
OF BEVERLY HILLS.

I WANT YOU GUYS TO COME.

- WE SHOULD GO.

- ANY EXCUSE FOR A PARTY, RIGHT?
- RIGHT, YEAH.

- WE'RE THERE.
- I'M EXCITED.

YOU NEVER KNOW
WHO YOU'RE GONNA MEET.

I MET ALL OF YOU GIRLS THERE.

- KIMBERLY'S PACKING
FOR COLLEGE, SO...

- SO WHAT IS SHE
DOING RIGHT NOW?

- SHE'S, LIKE, STARTING TO PUT
STUFF FROM HER DAD'S HOUSE,

AND THEN FROM OUR HOUSE.

- SHE'S GONNA BE
LIVING IN A DORM, RIGHT?

- SHE'S LIVING IN A DORM.

THEY'RE MAKING HER LIVE
ON CAMPUS BECAUSE SHE'S...

A F... A FRESHMAN.

- NO...
- SHE KNOW HER ROOMMATE?

- SHE DOESN'T KNOW YET.

AND OF COURSE, YOU KNOW...

- YOU NEVER KNOW
WHO YOU'RE GONNA GET.

IT'S LIKE, OH, MY GOD.

- I'M A BIT CONCERNED
FOR HOW I'M GOING TO DO.

I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GONNA BE
WITHOUT KIMBERLY.

BUT I KNOW SHE NEEDS TO GET
SETTLED INTO HER NEW WORLD.

- MINE IS GOING NEXT WEEK.
I HAVE EIGHT MORE DAYS.

- AW, COME ON.

- AWW.
- EIGHT MORE DAYS.

- SHE'S GOING TO NEW YORK.
- SHE'S GOING TO NEW YORK.

- YOU'RE GONNA GO WITH HER?

- I'M GONNA SPEND ONE WEEK TO,
YOU KNOW, PUT ALL HER CLOTHES...

- YEAH.

- PUT ALL THE FURNITURE IN
AND GET HER, LIKE,

SLEEPING.

- DO WE NEED TO PICK YOU UP
AT THE AIRPORT

TO GIVE YOU A BIG HUG
WHEN YOU COME BACK?

- YES, PROBABLY.

- YOU THINK THERE'S GONNA BE
SOME TEARS INVOLVED, HUH?

- OH, FOR SURE.

- YEAH.

I AM JUST SO EXCITED
THAT GIGI WILL BE

THE FIRST CHILD IN MY FAMILY
TO GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL.

LIFE THREW ME THE OPPORTUNITY
TO BECOME A PROFESSIONAL MODEL

AND MAKE A LOT OF MONEY
AND PROVIDE FOR MY FAMILY.

I NEVER FOUND MY WAY BACK TO
SCHOOL OR COLLEGE OR ANYTHING.

- MICHAEL, JOYCE, THANK YOU SO
MUCH FOR INVITING US ALL TO...

[rolls tongue] PUERICO!

- THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY.

- IT'S NOT "PUERICO,"
IT'S "PUERTO RICO."

- [rolls tongue] PUERICO!

PUERTO RICO. - SHE'S GOOD!

WE PRACTICED IT AT PILATES.

- [sighs]
- [snorts]

[laughter]

- COMING UP...

- I FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING
THAT I SAY IS BEING QUESTIONED.

I FEEL THEY'RE JUST,
LIKE, ALL GANGING UP.

IT'S REALLY HARD.
I DON'T WANT TO CRY.

- THANK YOU. [door closes]

WELCOME TO MY HUMBLE HOME.
- [chuckles]

- HI, GUYS.
- HELLO.

- LOOK HOW CUTE YOU ARE.

WELCOME. HI, GUYS.
- HI, YOLANDA.

- YOLANDA REALLY FIXED
SO MANY THINGS FOR ME.

MY DAD FELL DEEPLY
IN LOVE WITH HER.

- YOU'RE LUCKY YOU GOT
A BEAUTIFUL BODYGUARD

TO PROTECT YOU.
- I KNOW. TRUST ME.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD HAVE
DONE WITHOUT HER.

WE STARTED TO MEND FENCES,
AND WE'RE GETTING BACK ON TRACK.

- OH, THANK YOU.
YOU DIDN'T NEED TO DO THAT.

- I TOLD HIM YOU LIKE BELLINIS

AND YOU MIGHT, YOU KNOW...

- I MIGHT GET DRUNK?
ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY THAT?

- NO, NO!

WE ALL KNOW THAT'S ME.
[laughter]

- EVER SINCE PUERTO RICO

I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT
ABOUT MY FRIENDSHIPS.

EVEN WHEN I SCREW UP,
YOLANDA'S BEEN THERE FOR ME.

- WHEN YOU STING,
YOU STING HARD, AND IT HURTS.

BUT YOU'RE DOING IT IN A WAY NOW
THAT'S NOT CHARMING.

- LISA WAS LIKE... "CRICKET,
CRICKET, CRICKET, WHO'S BRANDI?"

- OF COURSE I GOTTA SHOW
YOUR MOM THE REFRIGERATOR.

- OH, MY GOD...
- OH.

- SO YOU NEED A STEPLADDER
TO GET THERE, DON'T YOU?

- IT'S A PIECE OF ART.

- IT IS, IT'S GORGEOUS.
- IT IS.

- ANYBODY BAD IN THE HOUSE, I
PUT IN HERE AND CLOSE THE DOOR.

[laughter] THE DOGHOUSE.

- HEY, ON A HOT DAY
THIS COULD WORK REALLY WELL.

- [playing piano]

♪ ♪

- [giggles]

- WHAT IS...

THAT WAS HILARIOUS.

- I WISH I COULD PLAY THE PIANO.

OR HAVE ANY KIND
OF MUSICAL TALENT.

- WELL, I'M STRUGGLING
RIGHT NOW TOO.

OH, PEOPLE.
- THESE ARE MY PARENTS.

- HOW ARE YOU? I'M DAVID.
- THIS IS JUDY.

- HI, JUDY.

- NICE TO MEET YOU.

- AND THIS IS GUY.
- HI, GUY. I'M DAVID.

- A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.

- NICE TO MEET YOU, MAN.
WELCOME.

- THANK YOU FOR...
- LETTING US COME TO YOUR HOME.

- YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL HOUSE.
- WE'RE HAPPY TO HAVE YOU.

- WE'RE VERY IMPRESSED
WITH THE HOUSE. IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

- YEAH, SHE DID A GREAT JOB.
YEAH.

YOU'RE NOT IMPRESSED
WITH MY PIANO PLAYING?

- UM, IT WAS OKAY.
I'VE HEARD BETTER.

I KNOW MY DAD GETS
VERY INTIMIDATED WITH WEALTH.

HE'S NERVOUS ABOUT
WHAT HE'S WEARING,

AND IF HE SHOULD WEAR A HAT
OR NOT WEAR A HAT,

BUT I KNOW HOW DOWN-TO-EARTH
DAVID AND YOLANDA ARE,

SO I KNEW ONCE MY DAD GOT OVER
THE GRANDIOSE EVERYTHING

OF THE HOUSE THAT HE WOULD
FEEL COMFORTABLE,

BECAUSE THEY'RE JUST...
THEY'RE NORMAL PEOPLE.

- I LOVE THE INFINITY POOL.
- IT IS GORGEOUS.

- YEAH.
- I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

- OKAY.

- YOU KNOW, BRANDI AND I
WENT OUT THIS MORNING

TO GET A PROPANE TANK.

- YEAH.

- THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- HELLO. YOU'RE WELCOME.

- MY PARENTS, STILL TO THIS DAY,

WORK 9:00 TO 5:00,
WORK EXTREMELY HARD.

THEY DESERVE
THE FINER THINGS IN LIFE.

- OUR SIDE OF THE FAMILY HAVE...

WE HAVE SKELETAL PROBLEMS.

- HE'S COLLAPSED
HIS LEFT LUNG THREE TIMES.

- OH, MY GOD.

- YEAH.

- IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

- YEAH, IT'S JUST WE...
WE HAVE TO GET GOING.

- YOU DO? WHAT HAPPENED?
- I JUST ORDERED THE CAR.

- WOW. IN AND OUT.

- YOU CAN WALK US OUT
IF YOU WANT.

- LEAVING IS DIFFICULT.
- LEAVING IS TOUGH.

- LET'S GO.

- HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
- NO WAY!

- IS THAT A DAUGHTER OR WHAT?

- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

- ISN'T THAT GREAT?

- SHE HAS GOOSEBUMPS.

- I GOT GOOSEBUMPS.
WHAT'RE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- A LITTLE STEP OUT. YOU READY?

- OH, MY... I'M IN...
THIS IS TOTAL...

- YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD DAUGHTER.

- I FIGURE IF I GIVE THEM
THE CAR AT YOLANDA'S HOUSE

MY DAD CAN'T NOT ACCEPT IT,

'CAUSE IT'S YOLANDA
HIS GIRLFRIEND.

- BYE, GUYS.
- BYE.

- OKAY. THANK YOU.
- ENJOY!

- WOW.
- OH, MY GOD.

- MY PARENTS DESERVE IT.

- BYE, NOW.
- BYE.

- LISA.

I'M HERE. [laughs] - HELLO.

- HOW ARE YOU?

- OKAY.
- YEAH?

YOU LIE LIKE A DOG.

I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT WENT DOWN IN PUERTO RICO...

- DO YOU WANT TEA, DARLING?
- I WOULD LOVE A CUP OF TEA.

BUT I CAN TELL
SHE'S LEGITIMATELY HURT.

DID YOU CHOOSE AN OUTFIT YET?
- NO.

I DON'T REALLY WANT TO GO TO THE
BEVERLY HILLS 100th YEAR PARTY.

I DON'T REALLY FEEL COMFORTABLE

BEING AROUND
THIS GROUP OF PEOPLE.

SO WE'LL SEE.

- WELL, YOU HAVE TO GO.
- WHY?

- BECAUSE IT'S
THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE

AND BECAUSE YOU HAVE

AN AMAZING, THRIVING BUSINESS
IN BEVERLY HILLS.

YEAH, YOU DO.

- YEAH, BUT...

I DON'T WANT TO BE OVERDRAMATIC

AND SAY "AMBUSHED, ATTACKED,"
ALL THOSE KIND OF THINGS,

BUT THAT'S HOW I FELT.

- YEAH, WELL,
THAT'S LEGITIMATE, THEN.

- ENOUGH FOR KEN TO SAY, "OKAY,
WE'RE DONE. WE'RE OUTTA HERE."

I HAVE VERY LITTLE TIME OFF,

AND I WANT TO SPEND IT
JUST RELAXING

AND HAVING FUN WITH FRIENDS.

BUT TO DEAL WITH THIS NEGATIVE,
AGGRESSIVE BULL[bleep]...

NO, I'M NOT GONNA DO IT.

APPARENTLY BRANDI SAID TO KYLE

THAT I TOOK THE TABLOID
ABOUT RICHARD AND PUT IT

IN HER BAG AND SAID, "BRING IT
WITH YOU TO PALM SPRINGS."

- THERE WAS NO MAGAZINE,
'CAUSE I WOULD HAVE SEEN IT.

- AND THEN KYLE GOES,
"I NEED TO ASK THIS QUESTION.

DID YOU PUT THE MAGAZINE?"

- OH, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
IT'S JUST... IT'S JUST...

I WOULDN'T EVEN WANT TO SAY
"CHILD'S PLAY,"

BECAUSE MY CHILDREN
BEHAVE BETTER THAN THAT.

- IT WASN'T CHILD'S PLAY,
IT WAS UPSETTING.

- NO, IT'S VICIOUS. [sighs]

- EACH ONE OF THEM
WITH HER OWN LITTLE GAME PLAN

SYSTEMATICALLY COMING AFTER ME.

"YOU HAVEN'T BEEN A FRIEND,"
"YOU'RE THIS," "YOU'RE THAT,"

"YOU'RE THIS"... ALL HAVE
A LITTLE LIST OF THINGS.

WHO DOES THAT?

SO I THOUGHT, WE'RE DONE.
WE'RE OUT OF HERE.

I DON'T CARE IF I HAVE
TO WALK BACK TO BLOODY L.A.

WE'RE LEAVING.

- THESE WOMEN, WHO ARE
SUPPOSEDLY YOUR FRIENDS,

HAVING A GO AT YOU AT ONE TIME.

THIS IS WHAT I CANNOT STAND
ABOUT INSECURE WOMEN.

BECAUSE THEY SAY THEY'RE
GIRLS' GIRLS AND THEY'RE NOT.

- I FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING
THAT I SAY IS BEING QUESTIONED.

AND I FEEL THEY'RE JUST,
LIKE, ALL GANGING UP.

[sighs] - OH, GOD.

OH, DARLING.

- IT'S REALLY HARD.

I DON'T WANT TO CRY.

I JUST KNOW I'VE BEEN
SUCH A GOOD FRIEND TO BRANDI.

SOMETIMES SOME THINGS SHE'S DONE
HAVE BEEN VICIOUS.

I'VE ALWAYS DEFENDED HER.

SO HAS KEN, AND IT'S BEEN
REALLY DIFFICULT.

- US BRITS HAVE IT BE
STIFF UPPER LIP, AND WE USUALLY

DON'T SHOW OUR EMOTIONS,

ESPECIALLY WHEN WE FEEL LIKE
IT'S A SIGN OF WEAKNESS.

- I DON'T WANT TO CRY.
I HAVE TO GO TO WORK IN AN HOUR.

OH, [bleep].

BRANDI ALWAYS PRIDES HERSELF
ON BEING BRUTALLY HONEST.

IF YOU WANT MY OPINION, I THINK
IT'S MORE BRUTAL THAN HONEST.

- WHEN THERE'S DISSENTION, IT'S
LIKE SHARKS THAT TASTE BLOOD.

- TRUST ME,
I KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING.

THEY'RE ALL UNITING
IN THEIR COMMON ENEMY.

AND PROBABLY
CELEBRATING BECAUSE...

I'VE GONE.

- COMING UP...

- HAVE YOU TALKED TO LISA?

- I HAVEN'T TALKED
TO LISA AT ALL.

- WE'RE ADULTS HERE,
AND WHO RUNS AWAY?

WHAT IS SHE AFRAID OF?

- WHAT'S IN THAT BAG?

- WANNA SEE?

BUTTERFLIES...

- ARE YOU SERIOUS?
- THAT LIGHT UP AT NIGHT.

- EMERGEN-Cs.

- MOM...

MOM, I CAN'T BRING A CANDLE.

- YOU CAN,
'CAUSE IT'S A HOLY CANDLE.

- NO, IT DOESN'T MATTER
IF IT'S A HOLY CANDLE.

- WELL, YOU CAN LOOK AT IT.
- NO FIRE.

- AND YOU CAN SAY
A LITTLE PRAYER ON THE BACK.

- HEY, AM I
THE ONLY ONE LOADING?

- WE'RE LOADING.

- AND LOOK. A COFFEE CUP
WITH YOUR LAST NAME.

KIMBERLY'S DAD AND I
ARE GETTING READY

TO TAKE HER DOWN TO COLLEGE
IN SAN DIEGO.

I DON'T THINK THAT I'VE EVER

REALLY ANTICIPATED
THIS DAY WOULD COME.

OH!

THAT BETTER NOT...
Both: GUADALUPE.

- IT'S ALMOST 10:30.
WE GOTTA GET GOING.

THERE IS A TON OF STUFF.
- A LITTLE HEAVY.

- THIS IS SO LIGHT.

- [grunts]

JOHN AND I WERE ENGAGED.

WE WERE TOGETHER FIVE YEARS,
AND THEN WE HAD KIMBERLY.

AND THEN WE STAYED TOGETHER
TWO YEARS AFTER THAT.

I JUST WASN'T GONNA SEE KIMBERLY

GO THROUGH THAT CUSTODY BATTLE
BULL[bleep].

"MY WEEK" AND "YOUR WEEK."

WE JUST WEREN'T GONNA ALLOW THAT
TO HAPPEN TO KIMBERLY.

SHE WANTS TO PUT A CURTAIN UP

ASIDE FORM MY BED SO THAT I AM
BLOCKED OFF FROM MY ROOMMATES.

- NO. NO.
- THAT'S LIKE RUDE, RIGHT?

- YEAH, THAT IS.

- HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO
FIT BACK HERE?

- YOU WILL,
'CAUSE I'LL MOVE ALL THAT.

I'LL... I'LL MOVE
A LOT OF IT BACK HERE,

I JUST GOTTA GET EVERYTHING OUT,
KIMBERLY.

JUST TRUST ME,
I CAN PACK A CAR, OKAY?

- THIS IS ALL YOUR STUFF, MOM.
THANKS.

- I CAN PACK A MEAN TRUCK.
- WAIT, MOM...

- NO, YOU CAN JUST
FILL A MEAN TRUCK.

- MOM, DIDN'T YOU GET CONTAINERS
THAT ARE IN THE GARAGE?

- YEAH.
- IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. RELAX.

- BUT DO YOU WANT THOSE LITTLE
BOXES FLYING AROUND?

- OH, YOUR DAD CAN PACK A TRUCK.
- I DON'T.

- I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE
THAT KIMBERLY

HAS EVERYTHING THAT SHE NEEDS.

NOT NECESSARILY FOR THE NEXT
FOUR YEARS, BUT BASICALLY...

FOR THE NEXT FOUR YEARS.

PONYTAIL, BOBBY PIN, CHAPSTICKS,

SHAMPOOS, CREAM RINSES...

HAIRBRUSHES, YOU KNOW,
STRAIGHT, ROLL BRUSH.

SOCKS.

LOTS OF S... JUST,
YOU NAME IT, KIMBERLY HAS IT.

- ALL RIGHT, LET'S BOOG.
- COME ON, MOM.

BYE, HOUSE.

- LET'S GO, LET'S GO, LET'S GO.
- LET'S GO, LET'S GO.

- SO MUCH SCHLEPPING
OF GROCERIES.

- I HAVE THE WATER BOTTLES.
DO YOU WANT TO TAKE THESE?

- NO. [laughs]

THAT'S WHY YOU'RE YOUNG
AND I'M OLD.

I ENDED UP IN NEW YORK
WHEN I WAS 17

WITH NO MONEY,
NO CELL PHONE, NO APARTMENT.

MY MOTHER GAVE ME 100 GUILDERS,
WHICH, I BELIEVE, IS $50.

SO THE TIMES,
THEY'RE VERY DIFFERENT.

THE WAY GIGI, YOU KNOW,
IS SET UP TODAY.

I MEAN, WHEN I FIRST
MOVED TO NEW YORK, I WAS LIKE...

I HAD... MY WHOLE APARTMENT
WAS THE SIZE OF YOUR BEDROOM.

- REALLY?

- AND IT HAD A LITTLE LADDER
WITH A LITTLE PLATFORM

UNDER THE CEILING,
AND THAT'S WHERE I HAD TO SLEEP.

I WOULD SLEEP, LIKE,
THIS CLOSE TO THE CEILING.

- REALLY?
- YEAH.

I THINK GIGI'S EXCITED TO BE
RUNNING HER OWN HOUSEHOLD.

I ALWAYS FELT THAT
SHE SHOULD TAKE A YEAR OFF

AND JUST WORK AND MAKE
AS MUCH MONEY AS SHE CAN,

AND SHE DIDN'T WANT TO.

SHE WAS GONNA HAVE A ROOMMATE,
BUT THE ROOMMATE'S PARENTS

DECIDED THAT THEY WANT HER
TO LIVE IN THE DORM.

AND I DIDN'T WANT GIGI
TO LIVE IN A DORM

BECAUSE I WANTED HER TO MORE
BE IN A WORK ENVIRONMENT.

IS IT... I THINK IT LOOKS
A LITTLE BIT CROOKED TO ME.

IS IT?

KIDS PARTY AND GO OUT
AND GET DRUNK, AND, YOU KNOW,

AND I WANTED HER
TO REALLY FOCUS ON HER CAREER

WHERE SHE HAS TO GET UP
AT 5:00 IN THE MORNING

AND GO TO WORK
AND SHOOT ALL DAY.

AND, YOU KNOW,
THAT WAS IMPORTANT TO ME.

LOOK HOW CUTE.

THIS IS STARTING
TO FEEL LIKE HOME?

- YEAH.

I'M JUST REALLY EXCITED TO BE,
LIKE, HERE ALONE.

- LIKE YOU CAN'T WAIT
FOR ME TO LEAVE?

IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?

- WELL, I MEAN,
THAT'S A MEAN WAY OF PUTTING IT.

BUT, LIKE...

- NO, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
JUST TO SETTLE IN AND...

- YEAH.

- PUT ALL THE THINGS
THE WAY YOU WANT IT.

- YEAH.

- I MEAN, IT'S REALLY CUTE.
- YEAH.

- OKAY, HERE WE GO.
- ALL RIGHT, GIRLS.

- EE!
- SHE'S SO EXCITED.

- HI.
- HELLO.

- I CALLED ABOUT MY DAUGHTER
GETTING HER EARS PIERCED.

- UH-HUH.

- KENNEDY ALREADY HAS HERS,
SO...

- SHE'S HERE FOR MORAL SUPPORT.
- YES.

- SHE'S ALSO GONNA DO IT,
TOO, BY THE WAY.

- OKAY.
- SHE'S GONNA...

THIS ONE CLOSED,
AND SHE WANTS A SECOND.

THANK GOD I HAVE SOPHIA
AND PORTIA STILL AT HOME,

BUT I HAVE BEEN
DREADING THE MOMENT

THAT ALEXIA GOES OFF TO COLLEGE.

SO BEING WITH MY DAUGHTERS,

THESE ARE THE MOMENTS
I REALLY, REALLY APPRECIATE.

- WHAT'S THAT?

- THAT'S HOW I PUT
THE EARRING IN YOUR EAR.

SO YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT HER.

ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS
A VERY BRAVE PRINCESS.

AND SHE LIVED IN THE JUNGLE.
[gun clicks]

THAT'S IT. PERFECT.
- OH, MY GOD!

[laughter]

PORTIA, YOU HAVE AN EARRING.

- GREAT.
- OH, MY GOSH.

- IS IT PRETTY?
- YEAH.

- IT'S PRETTY.
- BEAUTIFUL.

- PORTIA, DID IT HURT?

- A LITTLE BIT.

- SO NOW WE DO THE NEXT ONE,
YOU'RE DONE.

- IT'S TOO MUCH.
- IT'S TOO MUCH?

- [chuckles] IT'S TOO MUCH.

- NOW WE REALIZE THAT A GUN JUST
SHOT A NEEDLE THROUGH YOUR EAR.

AND NOW THE SECOND EAR,
NOT SO EASY.

- [whining]

- THINK ABOUT BASEBALL.

- I'LL HELP YOU.
OKAY, GO. LET'S GO.

- [whining]

- WELL, HONEY, YOU'RE MAKING
ME FEEL LIKE I'M...

THEN DON'T DO IT. WE'LL LEAVE
WITH THE ONE EAR PIERCED.

- YOU CAN COME BACK ANOTHER DAY.

- PORTIA, DO YOU WANT ME
TO GO BEFORE YOU GO?

- YOU WANT TO DO YOURS?
- YEAH.

- OKAY.

- SOPHIA, YOU HAVE TO BE
B-R-A-V-E.

I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING YOU.

- WELL, MOM,
I CAN'T PROMISE YOU THAT.

- OKAY.

- IT'S GONNA GO SO FAST.

- OH, WAIT, NO, NOT ME.

[whimpers] - IT'S JUST MY HAND.

- [whining]

I DON'T LIKE THAT.
- OKAY, AND SHE'S READY.

DON'T WAVE YOUR
SHOULDERS AROUND...

- BUT I'M NOT READY YET,
I'M NOT READY.

- I'M GONNA PINCH YOU.

- SHE'S ACTING LIKE HER EAR
IS BEING SAWED OFF.

- [sobbing]
- OKAY, THAT'S PERFECTLY...

- I'M NOT DOING IT. I'M SORRY.
- OKAY.

- MOM, NOW YOU'RE
MAKING ME LOOK BAD!

- I'M DOING IT, OKAY, ARMS.
- OKAY.

- LEAN ON HER SHOULDER.
- OKAY, GO.

DO IT. YOU'RE DONE. [gun clicks]

YAY! YOU DID IT! YAY!

THIS WAS NOT MY IDEA.
THIS WAS TOTALLY THEIR THING.

- HOLD ME.
- OKAY.

- [crying]
- YAY.

HOLD ON, BABY.

YOU GOT IT. - YOU DID IT, PORTY!

YOU DID IT!

- THIS IS JUST PUTTING YOUR TOE

INTO THE "SUFFER FOR BEAUTY"
POOL.

AND IT'S TIME FOR A COCKTAIL.

- HALLELUJAH, EVERYONE.

- HALLELUJAH.
- HALLELUJAH, EVERYONE.

- WE HAD A HECK
OF A TIME FINDING

THE THREAD COUNT SHEETS
I WANTED, AND...

- [laughs] MY GOD.
- 'CAUSE NOTHING WAS IN TWIN XL.

NOTHING. - SO I'M... I MEAN...

- WHAT THREAD COUNT
DID WE GET? 500?

EGYPTIAN COTTON?

- SO BEAUTIFUL.

- OH, MY GOODNESS.

IT'LL BE THE QUEEN'S PALACE.
- IT'S SO GORGEOUS.

THIS ONE BEDDING, OH.

I KNEW THE ROOM
WAS GOING TO BE SMALL,

SO I FIGURED IF NOTHING ELSE

HER BED HAD TO BE
THE MOST COMFORTABLE.

I WASHED THE SHEETS AT HOME

WITH SNUGGLES

LIKE...

12 TIMES?

SO IF I COULD MAKE THAT BED
LIKE A LITTLE HOUSE.

RIGHT? LIKE HOME.

- I JUST... I KNOW
ALL MY OTHER FRIENDS,

LIKE, THEY WERE
SO EXCITED TO GO AWAY,

BECAUSE THEY DON'T LIKE
BEING HOME THAT MUCH.

- [laughs]

- BUT I LOVE BEING HOME.

- THAT'S SO NICE.

- I'M SERIOUS.
- I KNOW YOU DO.

- I'M JUST GONNA BE
SO OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE.

IT'S SO WEIRD.

- I'M GONNA BE OUT OF
MY COMFORT ZONE HOME ALONE.

- YEAH, SO WILL WE. WE'RE ALL...

EVERYBODY'S OUT
OF THEIR COMFORT ZONE.

- IT DEFINITELY MAKES IT EASIER
THAT KIMBERLY'S

AN HOUR AND A HALF AWAY.
[laughs]

I CAN HOP IN THE CAR
AND JUST GO DOWN AND SEE HER.

BUT IF SHE WAS IN BOSTON
I WOULD DEFINITELY BE

RACKING UP THOSE
FREQUENT FLYER MILES.

FOR SURE.

- SO YOU GUYS
ARE GONNA COME DOWN AND VISIT

ALL THE TIME, RIGHT?

- I'M NOT LEAVING.
DID YOU SEE MY SUITCASE?

I GOT AN APARTMENT DOWN HERE.

- [laughs] OH, MY GOSH.

- HEY, B.
- HEY, HOW ARE YOU?

- GOOD. I WAS JUST
THINKING ABOUT YOU.

I WAS HANGING YOUR PICTURE
THAT YOU MADE.

- GOOD. HOW IS IT...
HOW'S IT GOING IN NEW YORK?

- IT'S GOING. IT'S LIKE, UH...
I'M EXHAUSTED.

I FEEL LIKE I RAN A MARATHON,
BUT WE'RE ALMOST DONE.

JUST... I'M HANGING
THOSE LITTLE PICTURES

THAT WE PAINTED TOGETHER.

MOVING GIGI TO COLLEGE
IS PART OF MY JOB.

MOHAMED CAN'T JUST PICK UP
AND GO FOR A WEEK.

I MEAN, HE'S RUNNING A BUSINESS,

AND IT'S NOT MOHAMED'S JOB.

- ARE YOU GONNA BE OKAY?

- WELL, I'M PROBABLY GONNA BE
BAWLING MY EYES OUT

ONCE I'M IN THE TAXI,
BUT YOU KNOW...

- I KNOW.
- IT'S GONNA BE SAD.

HAVE YOU TALKED TO LISA?

- HAVEN'T TALKED TO LISA AT ALL.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THEY WENT,
WHAT THEY DID.

- IT'S JUST SO STRANGE.

WHO TAKES OFF
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?

WHAT FRIEND WOULD DO THAT?

- SOMEONE WHO CAN'T
DEAL WITH CONFRONTATION

OR EVEN HAVING A CONVERSATION.

YOU KNOW WHAT, HONESTLY?

SHE'S AFRAID OF THE TRUTH,
AND THE TRUTH IS SHE LIED.

AND SHE JUST NEEDS TO SAY,

"MAYBE I DID DO THAT,
AND I WAS WRONG."

BUT SHE CAN'T, SO SHE LEFT.

- YEAH, WELL, IT JUST...
IT SOUND...

IT'S SUCH A STRANGE STORY TO ME.

I MEAN, COME ON. WE'RE...
WE'RE ADULTS HERE.

AND WHO RUNS AWAY?

WHAT IS SHE AFRAID OF?

LISA IS BLOWING THIS
WAY OUT OF PROPORTION

BY DISTANCING HERSELF FROM ME
AND HIDING BEHIND HER HUSBAND

RATHER THAN GOING, "OKAY,
BRING IT ON, GIRL, WHAT..."

YOU KNOW, LET'S TALK.

- I THINK I'M GETTING AN ULCER.

- YOU'RE GETTING AN ULCER
JUST FROM PUERTO RICO?

- I THINK I AM.
- NO.

- JUST ALL THE DRAMA. I JUST...

JUST NEED A BREAK,
YOU KNOW, FROM EVERYTHING.

- YEAH, BUT YOU KNOW,
WE CAN'T TAKE A BREAK

UNTIL WE PUT ALL THE APPLES
OUT ON THE TABLE.

I'M TAKING INVENTORY IN MY LIFE.

I WISH YOU WOULD HAVE
CALLED ME YESTERDAY

AND NOT TEXTED ME
TWO MINUTES BEFORE.

- HUH?

- I THOUGHT WE WERE
CLOSER THAN THAT.

I WANT TO KNOW THE FRIENDS
THAT I AM GONNA GIVE MY TIME TO

ARE FRIENDS.

OKAY, TALK TO YOU LATER,
ALLIGATOR. BYE.

- OKAY, BYE.

- HI, MOMMY.
- HI, MY LOVE.

- IT LOOKS SO GOOD.
- WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- I LOVE IT.
- YEAH?

- YEAH. IT'S REALLY COOL.

- THIS IS ALL YOUR FAMILY
AND THE FRIENDS...

AND ALL THE PEOPLE
THAT LOVE YOU, BABY.

- I KNOW. I LOVE IT.

- REMIND YOU OF HOME?
- YEAH.

I LOVE THAT
I CAN LOOK AT EVERYONE

AND I KNOW EXACTLY
WHO DID ALL OF THEM.

- REALLY?
- YEAH.

- THAT'S SO CUTE.

IT'S DONE. - COOL.

- WE HAVE ONE THING MORE
OFF OUR TO-DO LIST, RIGHT?

- SO ARE YOU FEELING
EXCITED AT ALL?

- NOT YET.

- OH, MY GOD,
WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN THESE?

- OH, MY GOSH.

- THOSE ARE MY JACKETS.

- [chuckles]

- OH... OH.
- I GOT IT. I GOT IT.

- THIS IS MY ROOM RIGHT HERE.

- IT FITS? KEY TURNS.

ALL RIGHT.

- ALL RIGHT.
- [chuckles]

- Y'KNOW...

- GO ON IN. [laughing]
LET'S GIVE IT A SHOT.

- THAT'S MY CLOSET.

- THAT'S NOT A CLOSET.
- THAT'S MY CLOSET.

- DID YOU SEE THESE SUITCASES?
- I KNOW.

THIS IS NOTHING.
THERE'S A WHOLE TRUCK.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- JOHN, WHERE ARE WE
GONNA PUT EVERYTHING?

- I DON'T KNOW, BUT SLIDE ON IN.
LET'S FIGURE IT OUT.

- IT'S VERY SMALL.

YOU COULD BARELY OPEN THE DOOR.

- THIS IS... OH...

THIS IS REALLY BAD.

- JESUS, WHAT'D YOU DO?
RAID A, LIKE, APPLIANCE STORE?

- I'VE BEEN SHOPPING
FOR THREE MONTHS.

HERE'S YOUR VACUUM. - HOLY SH...

- HERE'S YOUR OTHER
MATTRESS COVER.

- HOW MANY MATTRESS COVERS
DID YOU GET HER?

- I WANT THE CHILD
TO BE COMFORTABLE.

- WHAT'S THE PINK BOW FOR?
- I TIE HER BEDDING WITH THAT.

- IS THAT ANOTHER
MATTRESS COVER?

- SHE'S GOT TO BE COMFORTABLE.
- WHAT... WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- PUT A MUZZLE ON IT, JOHN.

SERIOUSLY.

- WHAT'S THAT?

- THAT'S HER FLUFFY BLANKET.
- OH, MY GOD.

- COMING UP...

- I HAVE, LIKE, 1,000 THINGS
IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW

THAT... OF ALL THE THINGS
I STILL WANT TO TELL YOU.

- STAY STRONG...

WHEN I'M NOT THERE...

TO WATCH AFTER YOU.

- IS THAT WHAT YOU'VE
BEEN DOING? [laughs]

- OKAY, MOMMY, SO I HAVE TO
WRITE A THING ABOUT YOU.

AND I HAVE TO INTERVIEW YOU,
SO...

SO WHAT IS THEIR BIRTHPLACE?
- GUERNSEY.

SO "WHAT IS THEIR
NATIONAL HERITAGE?"

I AM A LITTLE BIT OF A MUTT,
SO...

- WHAT'S A MUTT?

- A MUTT'S A DOG
THAT HAS NO BREEDING.

MOMMY HAS CLASS, THOUGH.

I PICK THE GIRLS UP
FROM SCHOOL EVERY DAY,

WE GET HOME, AND WE REALLY DO
HAVE A RITUAL.

WE WALK IN THAT BLOODY DOOR,

WE SIT DOWN
ON THE KITCHEN ISLAND,

AND THEY DO THEIR HOMEWORK.

I LOVE IT.

HI. - HI.

- HI, ELIZY.
- HI, BABY.

- WE HAVE TO DO THIS ABOUT YOU.

AND IT'S ABOUT THE MOM.
IT'S NOT A CHOICE.

- LET ME SEE.

- LOOK, YOU HAVE TO...

- YOU HAVE TO...
- OH, MY GOSH, LET ME SEE IT!

- "MY MOMMY KNOWS ME
LIKE NOBODY KNOWS ME,

BUT I KNOW HER
PRETTY WELL, TOO."

- MY MOMMY'S REALLY HOT.

- [laughs]

- WHY DON'T YOU DO DADDY?

- YOU'RE PUTTING
FRESH WATER FOR THE BIRDS?

- THE BIRDBATH?

- YEAH.
- OH.

- HOW YOU DOING, HONEY?
- I'M GOOD.

- ALEXIA WAS OUT
ON OUR FRIEND'S BOAT

AND CUT HER FOOT ON THE LADDER.

AS A MOM OF FOUR DAUGHTERS,

I'M ALWAYS WORRIED
WHEN THE KIDS ARE OUT.

YOU KNOW,
"DON'T WALK IN AN ALLEY."

I THINK IT'S
VERY IMPORTANT FOR WOMEN

TO KNOW HOW
TO PROTECT THEMSELVES.

WALKING DOWN A DARK ALLEY,

HANGING OUT
WITH WOMEN AT LUNCH...

YOU CAN KILL SOMEBODY
BY THE WAY YOU HOLD THEIR NECK.

LIKE THAT, YOU CAN KILL THEM.

AUNT KIM ALMOST KILLED ME.

- ON THE GROUND.

- THIS IS THE SIDE
YOU DON'T SEE!

- ON THE GROUND.
- THIS IS THE KIM...

SO YOU COME UP TO SOMEBODY
LIKE... HOLD ON.

LIKE THIS.

AND THEN YOU GRAB YOUR BICEP.

YOU PUT YOUR ARM BACK HERE,
AND IF YOU SQUEEZE...

DOES THAT FEEL SCARY?
- NO. IT FEELS COMFORTABLE.

- [laughs]

- SOPHIA, YOU'RE BIGGER THAN ME.
- THIS IS A CHANCE TO BEAT MAMA.

- COME JUMP ON ME.

- [grunts]
- [laughs]

- THEN I WOULD... HERE,
I'M GONNA KICK YOU IN THE BALLS.

THEN I WOULD DO THIS.

THEN I WOULD DO THAT.

- STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP.
- AND THEN I WOULD DO THIS.

NO, I'M GONNA SHOW YOU. NO!

I'M NOT... I'M NOT GONNA...

SEE, YOU'RE STRONGER
THAN YOU REALIZE.

SOPHIE. - OW, THIS REALLY HURTS!

[laughs]

OH, MY GOD,
THE DOG IS HELPING ME.

- HEY!
- AAH!

NO, BUT LOOK. WAIT.

DON'T ALL GIRLS
WANT TO BEAT THEIR MOM UP?

HEY! PORTIA!

- [laughing]
- STOP IT! STOP!

STOP.

- [laughing hysterically]

- OH, MY GOD. OKAY.

- BIG NAILS ARE IN... NO, NO,
THEY'RE IN THE OTHER BOX.

- YOU KNOW, I WOULD HAVE...

I FORGOT TO... WE FORGOT
TO GET YOU A SEWING KIT.

- I WAS GOING TO GRAB ONE TODAY,

BUT I THOUGHT YOU HAD
ALREADY GOTTEN IT.

SO IT'S OKAY.
I KNOW WHERE THEY ARE.

- I'VE GIVEN HER ADVICE
FOR 18 YEARS.

AS MUCH AS I'M GONNA BE, I MEAN,

HEARTBROKEN
NOT TO SEE HER EVERY DAY,

I'M EXCITED FOR HER
TO SPREAD HER WINGS.

- ALL RIGHT,
SO WE'LL PUT THE SHORT ONES...

- THERE, AND PUT THIS ONE...

PUT THOSE NEXT TO YOUR BED.

- NO, WAIT, THIS ISN'T BAD.

- YEAH, BUT YOU'RE GONNA BE
COVERING THE PICTURE...

LET ME SEE... TAKE THAT ONE.

SEE, THIS IS BETTER 'CAUSE IT
DOESN'T COVER THE PHOTO.

- OKAY.

IF IT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

- [laughs]

I KNOW, IN AN HOUR FROM NOW
YOU'RE PROBABLY GONNA...

- YEAH.
- YOU'RE GONNA CHANGE THE PLA...

- THAT'S GONNA BE OVER THERE.

- I DON'T WANT
TO SOUND LIKE A BABY

BECAUSE THERE'S
MILLIONS OF MOTHERS

THAT ARE DOING THE SAME THING
THAT I'M DOING RIGHT NOW.

BUT IT'S JUST... IT'S A LOT HARDER
THAN I EVER IMAGINED.

I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD'VE
WRITTEN A MANUAL FOR...

WITH A CHECKLIST
OF ALL THE THINGS

YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT
WITH YOUR DAUGHTER

WHEN SHE GOES OFF TO COLLEGE.

[laughs]

- YOU NEEDED TO WRITE
A MANUAL ABOUT IT?

- YEAH, BECAUSE I FEEL
LIKE I FORGOT

A WHOLE BUNCH OF THINGS.

- [laughs] OH, MY GOD.

- LIKE MY BRAIN IS GOING CRAZY,
LIKE, I'M THINKING, OKAY,

MAKE SURE YOU
SAVE ALL YOUR RECEIPTS

FOR YOUR HAIR APPOINTMENTS.

[both laugh] - OH, GOD.

- AND LIKE, IF YOU GO
AND GET YOUR NAILS DONE,

YOUR HAIR, MAKE SURE
YOU SAVE THE RECEIPTS

BECAUSE IT'S ALL TAX-DEDUCTIBLE.

I HAVE, LIKE, 1,000 THINGS
IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW

OF ALL THE THINGS
I STILL WANT TO TELL YOU.

- WELL, THERE'S, LIKE, A PHONE,

AND, LIKE, FACETIME
AND STUFF, YOU KNOW.

LIKE, WE CAN EMAIL EACH OTHER.

I'M NOT, LIKE, DYING,
I'M GOING TO COLLEGE.

- I KNOW. I KNOW.
- IT'S OKAY. I'LL BE FINE.

- I KNOW YOU'RE
GOING TO BE FINE.

IT'S JUST MY...

- THERE'S A REASON THAT YOU WAIT
18 YEARS TO GO TO COLLEGE.

- YEAH.

- BECAUSE IF YOUR KID'S NOT
READY TO GO TO COLLEGE AT 18,

YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T DO
A VERY GOOD JOB PARENTING.

- NO, I KNOW. I KNOW.

BUT DID YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO
SAVE YOUR RECEIPTS?

BECAUSE IT'S TAX-DEDUCTIBLE?
- YES, MOM.

I ALREADY MADE A FOLDER FOR IT
THAT YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT.

- OKAY, YOU SEE, YEAH, NO,
I GOTTA JUST TRUST YOU.

YOU'RE A LOT SMARTER THAN I WAS
WHEN I WAS 18, FOR SURE.

WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME?

- THANKSGIVING.

- AND HOW MANY WEEKS IS THAT?

- NOT THAT FAR.

- WELL, I'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU
AT HOME, MY LOVEY.

I LEFT MY FAMILY VERY EARLY ON,

AND I WOULDN'T SEE THEM
FOR MONTHS AT A TIME.

SO I KNOW THE LIFE.
THIS TIME IT'S FOR REAL.

HUGGY.

I LOVE YOU, BABY.

I LOVE YOU. - YOU, TOO.

- I MISS YOU ALREADY.

- YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY.

WE'RE NOT CRYING.
WE'RE NOT CRYING.

- I LOVE YOU.
- I LOVE YOU TOO.

- OKAY, BE SAFE.
- I WILL. I'LL BE FINE.

I WILL BE FINE.
PLEASE DON'T CRY.

- I KNOW YOU... I'M NOT...
I KNOW YOU'RE FINE.

I TRUST THAT YOU'RE FINE.
I JUST MISS YOU.

- I MISS YOU TOO.

LOVE YOU. - I LOVE YOU. BYE.

I LOVE YOU.

- WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- I'M GONNA MISS HER.

- THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME DO
EVERYTHING AND CARRY EVERYTHING.

- ABSOLUTELY.

I'M GONNA RUN DOWN TO THE CAR.
I LOVE YOU.

I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOU.
ALL RIGHT?

- I LOVE YOU.
- SEE YOU LATER.

- I'LL CALL YOU IN A LITTLE BIT.

IT'S WEIRD.

- HOW GRATEFUL I AM

TO BE HERE TODAY.

TO WATCH HER GO OFF TO COLLEGE.

- WE'RE GOOD.

- YOU'RE GONNA DO GOOD,
AND I'M GONNA DO GOOD,

AND WE'RE GONNA BE GREAT.

- THERE WAS A TIME

WHEN I ALMOST WASN'T HERE

FOR THIS.

THAT... [sniffles]

EVERY DAY SINCE YOU'VE BEEN
IN MY LIFE HAS BEEN A JOY.

I HAVE LOVED WATCHING YOU GROW.

ALL RIGHT.

WITH YOU THERE'S BEEN A BOND.

- MY BEST FRIEND.

- YEAH.

- STAY STRONG WHEN I'M NOT THERE

TO WATCH AFTER YOU.

- IS THAT WHAT YOU'VE
BEEN DOING? [laughs]

WILL YOU MISS ME?

[both sniffle]

YOU LOOK HERE.

CLOSE YOUR EYES AND THINK OF ME.

I'M RIGHT HERE. RIGHT...
I'M EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.

I LOVE YOU.

- COMING UP...

- IT'S RIDICULOUS
IF WE DON'T GO JUST BECAUSE

YOU'RE WORRIED
WHO WE'RE GONNA RUN INTO.

- YEAH, BUT AFTER THE LAST TIME
MEETING YOUR FRIENDS...

- THEY'RE YOUR FRIENDS TOO.
- THEY WERE.

[dogs barking] - STOP IT.

[dog whimpers, barks]

YOU'RE LIKE OUR FRIENDS,
AREN'T YOU?

FIGHTING FOR FIRST PLACE.

KEN, COME ON.

- SORRY, BABY.
I KNOW I'M LATE. I'M COMING.

- YOU'RE LATE BECAUSE
YOU DON'T WANT TO GO.

- I DON'T WANT TO GO.
YOU'RE RIGHT.

- I MEAN, WE'VE GOT TO GO
SUPPORT BEVERLY HILLS.

WE HAVE TO.

IT'S RIDICULOUS
IF WE DON'T GO JUST BECAUSE

YOU'RE WORRIED
WHO WE'RE GONNA RUN INTO.

- YEAH, BUT AFTER THE LAST TIME
MEETING YOUR FRIENDS...

- YOU JUST DON'T LIKE IT
THAT SOMEBODY

MAY BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN
THE GODDAMN STORY RIGHT, KEN.

- ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.

ALL RIGHT, WE'VE BEEN SET UP.
WELL DONE.

- THERE'S NOBODY
WHO'S BEEN SET UP.

BUT LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING...
- THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

- THEY'RE YOUR FRIENDS TOO.
- THEY WERE.

NOT MY FRIENDS. - WELL...

- NOBODY TREATS YOU LIKE THAT
AND I CALL THEM A FRIEND.

- KEN...
- I'M SORRY.

THEY'RE NOT MY FRIENDS.

- I WOULD RATHER TONIGHT
WAS JUST GO DO

WHAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DO
AS PART OF THE COMMUNITY

AND THEN GET OUT.

- I'M SWEATING, BECAUSE...

- LISTEN, IF THERE'S A PROBLEM,
WE'LL LEAVE,

JUST THE WAY WE DID
IN PUERTO RICO.

I'M OKAY WITH THAT.

I GET IT. I'M STRONGER NOW.

- I'M THE STRONG ONE.
COME ON, LET'S GO.

- YEAH, BUT I DON'T WANT YOU
TO GET INVOLVED.

- I WON'T. I'LL JUST HAVE THE...
- NO, SERIOUSLY, DON'T.

RISE ABOVE IT. - DON'T WORRY.

I'LL HAVE
THE MAYOR THROW THEM OUT.

- OH, STOP.

I'M GONNA BE POLITE, AREN'T I?

BUT WHEN I LEFT PUERTO RICO,

I DIDN'T CARE IF I SAW
ANY OF THESE WOMEN AGAIN,

APART FROM CARLTON AND JOYCE,
I SUPPOSE.

I STILL FEEL THAT WAY.

I'M SORRY, BUT I DO.

- NEXT TIME ON THE SEASON FINALE

OF THE REAL HOUSEWIVES
OF BEVERLY HILLS...

- ARE YOU MY FRIEND?
DO YOU CARE ABOUT ME?

I NEED TO KNOW THAT.

- I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. OKAY?

- SHE'S IN YOUR EAR, AND I'VE
HAD HER IN MY EAR BEFORE.

- SHE'S NOT IN MY EAR, I'M JUST
SAYING I DIDN'T SEE A MAGAZINE.

- WHY DID YOU LEAVE
WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING?

- OH, IT'S COMPLICATED.

- THEY COULD HAVE BEEN DEAD
ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD.

THAT'S JUST NOT RIGHT.

DON'T TOUCH ME.

DO NOT TOUCH ME, KEN.

- WHO GIVES A [bleep]
ABOUT A [bleep] WHORE?

I'M SORRY, I DON'T.

- DARLING, I DON'T SEE HER
LIKE THAT. I'M SORRY.

- SO THEN WE'RE NOT
TRULY FRIENDS.