The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 4, Episode 1 - A Catered Affair to Remember - full transcript
The beautiful, wealthy ladies of Beverly Hills and the sexy, dramatic servers of SUR are back for a special two-hour crossover event. To celebrate the centennial of Beverly Hills and meet other local business owners, Kyle throws a cocktail party at her home for the city's Chamber of Commerce. She hires Lisa's posh restaurant, SUR, to cater the event but in typical fashion, one of her servers begins talking back and Lisa has to send her home before the guests begin to arrive. At the party, Kyle tries to put aside her differences with Yolanda after last year's explosive reunion, while Lisa struggles to keep tensions down between Brandi and Scheana. After the party wraps up, SUR staffers Stassi, Jax, Katie, Tom and Scheana head out to meet up with Kristen when serious tensions flare up. In an effort to mend her relationship with the group, Scheana invites everyone to her birthday party, but it doesn't take long for catfights to erupt.
- LAST SEASON ON THE REAL
HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...
[applause] - BEAUTIFUL!
- VOOM-VOOM! SHA-BANG!
- [bleep]! [all screaming]
OH, [bleep]!
- YOLANDA, THIS IS KIM.
- HI, KIM, HOW ARE YOU?
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
BEAUTIFUL WOMEN LOVE RICH MEN.
STILL [bleep] YOUR HUSBAND
FOR A CHANEL BAG.
DON'T YOU GUYS... CAN JUST
DISCUSS LIKE NORMAL WOMEN?
- YOLANDA, DARLING...
NOBODY'S LISTENING TO YOU.
EVERY TIME MY PHONE RANG
IN THE NIGHT,
I THOUGHT THEY WERE GONNA SAY,
"YOUR SISTER'S GONE."
- IT HAPPENED TO ME, KYLE.
- THAT'S A LIE!
- I AM NOT LYING, BITCH!
- AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
- YOU CALLED MY WIFE A BITCH?
- [bleep] YOU!
- YOU'RE A PIECE OF [bleep].
- I DON'T SIT AND PRETEND TO BE
SOMETHING I'M NOT.
IF YOU'RE WORRIED
I'M A LOOSE CANNON,
NO, I'M THE TRUTH CANNON.
I WILL TELL YOU
WHAT YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR.
- YOU DESERVE ALL OF THAT.
- SHUT THE [bleep] UP!
- IT'S ALWAYS NICE TO HAVE
A FRIEND THAT TURNS AROUND
AND SAYS, "YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M ON YOUR SIDE."
- AND I JUST SAID...
- SHUT THE [bleep] UP.
WHY AREN'T YOU
MY FRIEND ANYMORE?
AND YOU'RE NOT THE SAME.
I KNOW, BUT IT'S CHANGED.
SO WHAT?
- I'M FROM THIS TOWN.
I KNOW WHAT'S REAL
AND WHAT'S FAKE.
- DON'T TELL ME
YOU'RE MY FRIEND.
ACT LIKE ONE.
- IN BEVERLY HILLS,
THE HIGHER YOU CLIMB,
THE FARTHER YOU FALL.
- EVERYBODY LOVES
A COMEBACK STORY,
ESPECIALLY STARRING ME.
- IN MY WORLD,
MONEY DOESN'T TALK.
IT SWEARS.
- YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO YOUNG,
TOO THIN, OR TOO HONEST.
- LIFE IS A SEXY LITTLE DANCE,
AND I LIKE TO TAKE THE LEAD.
- ONE, TWO, THREE...
[camera shutter clicking]
- BEAUTIFUL.
- BEAUTIFUL.
SLOWLY. OOPS.
- COME IN CLOSE
FOR A BEAUTY SHOT NOW.
- OH, OH, OH!
- YEAH!
- [laughs]
- GIGI'S MODELING CAREER
IS GOING INCREDIBLE.
SHE'S ESTABLISHING
HER OWN BRAND AT THE AGE OF 18.
AND SHE'S WORKING.
SHE'S MAKING A LOT OF MONEY.
- YEAH.
- WOW.
YOUR BODY LOOKS AMAZING, GIGI.
- ALL RIGHT, READY?
- THE HARD WORK PAID OFF, GIRL.
SHE GOT THE COVER
OF SANTA BARBARA MAGAZINE.
SHE'S GOT THE FALL 2013 GUESS
CAMPAIGN, WHICH IS AMAZING.
- THE BELT.
- THE BELT, THE BELT...
LET'S FIX THE BELT A LITTLE.
SHE'S JUST LIKE MOMMY.
LOOK, SHE'S FIXING
EVERYTHING HERSELF.
OH, MY GOD, THAT'S AMAZING.
WHEN I LOOK AT GIGI,
I'M JUST SO INCREDIBLY PROUD
BECAUSE ALL I SEE
IS JUST A MUCH, MUCH BETTER
VERSION OF ME.
YOU'RE DOING
SUCH A GOOD JOB, GIGI.
- THANKS.
- AREN'T YOU PROUD?
SEE, IT'S HARD TO EXERCISE
SIX DAYS A WEEK,
AND IT'S HARD
TO NOT EAT ANY SUGAR,
AND IT'S HARD TO HAVE
TO EAT SALAD EVERY DAY.
BUT NOW YOU SEE HOW IT PAYS OFF.
- YEAH.
LIKE, WHEN I'M WORKING OUT,
I'M LIKE,
"[bleep], I DON'T WANT
TO DO THIS ANYMORE."
- YEAH.
- BUT THEN...
- WHO WANTS TO BE
A MODEL, RIGHT?
- BUT THEN WHEN I'M SHOOTING,
I'M LIKE,
"I'LL DO ANOTHER
3 MILLION SIT-UPS IF YOU WANT."
- [laughs]
I FEEL JUST SO BLESSED
TO BE ABLE TO GO
ON A PHOTO SHOOT WITH GIGI
BECAUSE THE PAST YEAR
HAS BEEN SUCH AN EXTRAORDINARY
STRUGGLE FOR ME.
IT'S HARD TO CHANGE
IN FRONT OF 20 PEOPLE.
OKAY. - NO, WE'RE GOOD.
- OW.
- DEALING WITH LYME DISEASE
WAS A HUGE LESSON
FOR OUR ENTIRE FAMILY.
IT REALLY SHOWED ME
WHO MY TRUE FRIENDS ARE.
AND BRANDI HAS BEEN THERE
FOR ME, AND KYLE HASN'T.
[camera shutter clicking]
- I THINK WE GOT IT.
[all cheering]
THAT WAS GORGEOUS. GREAT.
- THAT'S MY BABY.
- [laughs]
- BEAUTIFUL.
- WHOOPS. WATCH YOUR HEAD.
- THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHTY.
- YEAH, I KNOW YOU SAID
THE BOYS MAY RUN
UP AND DOWN THIS.
- MY LITTLE ANGELS
TERRORIZING SOMETHING?
- [laughs]
TA-DA!
- TA-DA.
- WELCOME HOME.
- [laughs] MAYBE.
HOPEFULLY.
- I THINK YOU'RE MAKING
THE RIGHT CHOICE
IF YOU DO THIS HOUSE...
I REALLY DO.
- BASICALLY I'M A WHITE VERSION
OF THE JEFFERSONS,
AND I'M MOVING ON UP.
COUCH, MAYBE CHAIR OR LOVESEAT,
MAYBE SOMETHING SMALLER
THAN WHAT I HAVE.
YOU KNOW HOW BIG MY...
- I THINK THAT'S NOT
GONNA FIT HERE, YEAH.
- YEAH. I GAVE MY HOUSEKEEPER
ALMOST EVERYTHING I OWN, SO...
- DID YOU?
- YEAH.
- LET'S GET YOU SOME FURNITURE.
- WE JUST HAVE OUR BEDROOM SETS,
AND THAT'S ABOUT IT.
SO I JUST... YOU KNOW,
I WANT TO START FRESH.
I WANT TO START NEW.
I WANT IT TO BE, LIKE, MY SPACE.
- THIS IS GONNA BE YOUR SPACE.
- I AM VERY BLESSED TO HAVE
A NUMBER ONE BEST-SELLING BOOK,
AND SO WE ARE LOOKING TO LEASE
A HOUSE
THAT'S A LITTLE MORE FANCY.
THE PROBLEM IS,
THERE'S ALL THESE WINDOWS,
AND I TEND TO WALK AROUND
WITHOUT MY CLOTHES ON,
AS YOU KNOW.
SO THAT MIGHT HAVE TO STOP.
- WELL, I THINK
YOU HAVE PRIVACY.
THERE'S NOBODY THAT LIVES
ACROSS THE STREET, SO...
- BUT WHAT IF SOMEONE'S
WALKING THEIR DOG?
- WELL, IF SOMEONE
WALKS THEIR DOG, THEN...
- YES.
- THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE
A GOOD MORNING, YEAH.
- I MET J.R. AT THE WHITE PARTY
AT KYLE'S HOUSE LAST YEAR.
MY BOYFRIEND'S HERE, BY THE WAY.
- OOH, WHAT'S YOUR BOYFRIEND?
- HE'S MY BOYFRIEND.
- A REAL BOYFRIEND?
- HE'S GOT, LIKE,
A SEXY GAP IN HIS TEETH
THAT I JUST WANT TO SUCK ON.
THERE WAS NO BATHROOM SEX,
AS EVERYONE THINKS.
SINCE THEN, YES,
THERE'S BEEN LOTS OF SEX
IN A LOT OF DIFFERENT PLACES.
MAMA'S GOT A BOYFRIEND.
DEFINITELY BEATS BEING HOMELESS.
- [laughs]
I WAS NEVER GONNA
LET YOU BE HOMELESS.
YOU KNOW THAT.
- OH, THE KIDS AND I ARE GONNA
MOVE INTO YOUR APARTMENT?
- [laughs] NO.
- WE ARGUE A LOT, AND THEN
WE HAVE REALLY GOOD MAKEUP SEX.
AND THAT'S J.R.
IS THERE ANYONE ELSE
THAT'S INTERESTED IN THIS HOUSE?
ARE THERE OTHER CONTENDERS?
- WELL, I WAS GONNA WAIT
TILL THE END, BUT, YES.
YOU HAVE TODAY
TO MAKE YOUR DECISION.
LISTEN, YOU DECIDE
IF YOU WANT IT,
WHICH, HOPEFULLY,
THE THINGS WE'VE SEEN...
I THINK YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT,
BUT IT'S UP TO YOU.
- I THINK I WANT IT.
I THINK I NEED TO HAVE IT.
- COME ON. IT'S TIME.
YOU JUST GOT TO MAKE A DECISION
'CAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE
MUCH TIME ANYMORE.
[both laugh] - I KNOW.
WELL, WILL YOU GET IT FOR ME?
- IF YOU WANT IT.
- I AM MAKING MY OWN MONEY NOW.
IT'S SO EMPOWERING, AND I JUST
FEEL LIKE I DON'T NEED
AND I WILL NEVER HAVE A MAN
PAY FOR THINGS FOR ME AGAIN.
- TELL ME YOU WANT IT,
AND I'LL GO GET IT.
- GET IT.
DON'T [bleep] IT UP. - NICE.
- I STILL WOULD LIKE
TO HAVE SEX WITH A MAN,
BUT I DON'T NEED A MAN
TO TAKE CARE OF ME.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO
GET YOU THIS HOUSE.
- YOU HAVE SOME WORK TO DO,
MY FRIEND.
- ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR,
FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT.
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR,
FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT.
ONE, TWO, THREE,
FOUR, FIVE, SIX...
WHOA.
- EASY NOW.
I'VE BEEN ASKED TO BE
ON DANCING WITH THE STARS.
I THINK, "WELL, THEY OBVIOUSLY
HAVEN'T SEEN ME DANCE."
IT'LL PROBABLY BE MORE LIKE
"DANCING ON MY ASS."
ARE YOU SURE
YOU WANT THAT IN THERE?
- WHERE YOU GONNA HAVE THAT?
- OH, GOD, MY FAMILY
ARE GONNA BE WATCHING.
I BEGGED DANCING WITH THE STARS
FOR A GAY DANCE PARTNER.
IT WOULD MAKE MY LIFE
SO MUCH EASIER.
IF I'VE GOT TO WRAP MY LEGS
AROUND SOMEBODY,
PLEASE, HELP ME, GOD, HE'S GAY.
AND THEN IN WALKS GLEB...
THIS STRAIGHT HUNK
OF BURNING LOVE.
- SEXY, LIKE YOU ENJOY IT.
- OH, SHUT UP.
- YEAH?
- WELL...
- AND...
- OKAY.
- [moans]
- STOP IT.
YOU'RE NOT MAKING NOISES
WHEN YOU'RE DOING IT.
THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE DANCING.
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE,
LIKE, CLINICAL, OKAY?
SO DON'T DO ANY FUNNY NOISES.
- READY?
- NO. NO FUNNY NOISES.
IT IS A LITTLE BIT STRANGE
FOR ME,
BEING SO KIND OF, UM,
PHYSICALLY ENTWINED
WITH SOMEBODY
OTHER THAN MY HUSBAND.
BUT I'M NOT COMPLAINING.
I'M GETTING USED TO IT
REAL QUICK.
- MORE SEXY.
I HAVE TO ENJOY... I HAVE...
- [moans]
- YES!
- [chuckles]
- DO IT AGAIN.
- [moans]
- OPEN YOUR ARMS.
WHOOM, BOOM, BOOM.
ONE, TWO.
BA, DA-DA.
ARCH. THAT'S MUCH MORE RELAXED.
- OH, YEAH, I FEEL
REALLY RELAXED.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
- COMING UP...
- I KNOW THE TRUTH, KIM KNOWS
IT, AND YOLANDA KNOWS THE TRUTH.
- OKAY, WELL, THEN YOU
DEAL WITH IT WITH HER.
- OKAY, WELL, JUST BEWARE.
- [sighs]
- HONEY BUNNY,
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAND?
- I DIDN'T TELL YOU?
- NO.
- I SLIPPED AND FELL
ON DOG PEE ON MY MARBLE.
- OH.
- [laughs]
- I KNOW... TORTURE.
BUSINESS IS GOING REALLY WELL,
BUT IT'S MUCH MORE WORK
THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.
I NEVER REALIZED HOW MUCH
RESPONSIBILITY THIS IS.
I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST GONNA BE
A LITTLE FUN THING ON THE SIDE.
DID WE GET
ANY OF THE NEW BOXES IN?
- YEAH, WE GOT A BIG ONE.
- YES. HUGE.
- WE DID?
- YES.
- IT SEEMS LIKE SO LONG AGO
THAT WE CHOSE THIS STUFF...
AND THEN IT FINALLY GETS HERE.
- NO, BUT I'M REALLY EXCITED.
- THAT'S WHY I THINK WE FORGET.
- OH, MY GOD!
- OH, MY GOD.
- ARE YOU DEAD? ARE YOU DEAD?
- DEAD.
- DYING.
- DEAD. DYING.
WHY IS THERE ONLY ONE?
THE CUSTOMER'S NOT GETTING ANY.
SOMETIMES I'LL BE IN THE STORE,
AND I FORGET THAT
I'M SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING.
CAN YOU IMAGINE ME
WEARING THESE?
- I LOVE IT.
- I'M GONNA SCARE MAURICIO.
- ON HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD.
[laughter]
- AND I'VE BEEN TRYING ON
CLOTHES,
AND CUSTOMERS ARE GRABBING
THE LAST SIZE THAT I WANT,
AND I'M LIKE,
"HEY, THAT'S MY SIZE."
AND THEN I REALIZE,
"OH, THAT'S RIGHT...
CUSTOMER FIRST."
- IS KYLE AVAILABLE AT ALL?
- SURE.
- THERE'S SOMEONE HERE
TO SEE ME?
- HI.
- HI.
- I'M ALEX.
- HI, ALEX.
- I'M WITH THE BEVERLY HILLS
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE.
- OH, HI. NICE TO MEET YOU.
- WE HAVE A MUTUAL FRIEND.
- WHO?
- ANDY.
- WIEDERHORN?
- ANDY WIEDERHORN.
- OH, YEAH,
HE'S ONE OF OUR BEST FRIENDS.
- SO I TALKED TO ANDY,
AND HE SAID,
"YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T THINK
KYLE IS A CHAMBER MEMBER YET."
- I'M NOT. AM I SUPPOSED TO BE?
- "YOU MIGHT WANT TO GIVE HER
A VISIT." I THINK SO.
- I DON'T EXACTLY KNOW
WHAT IT DOES.
- THE CHAMBER?
- IS THAT SILLY?
I'M SO EMBARRASSED.
- NO, IT'S NOT SILLY.
- COME SIT DOWN.
- CHAMBER OF COMMERCE IS...
THINK ABOUT IT AS A ONE-STOP
RESOURCE FOR BUSINESSES.
- OKAY, I LIKE THAT.
- BUSINESSES DEVELOP SYNERGIES
WITH EACH OTHER.
IF YOU CONNECTED
WITH AN ART GALLERY...
YOU KNOW, YOU COULD PROVIDE
AN INCREDIBLE SYNERGY
BETWEEN FASHION AND ART.
- DO WE VOTE ON THINGS?
- YEAH.
THAT'S ONLY ONE THING
THAT WE DO.
WE HAVE EVENTS
THROUGHOUT THE YEAR.
- I LOVE THAT.
- AND SOMETHING ELSE...
I WOULD ASSUME YOU'RE AWARE
THAT BEVERLY HILLS
IS CELEBRATING
ITS 100TH ANNIVERSARY NEXT YEAR.
- I AM AWARE OF THAT.
- IT'S GONNA BE HUGE.
- I'M ACTUALLY
BORN AND RAISED HERE, SO...
- OH, OKAY, COOL.
THE CHAMBER'S VERY INVOLVED
IN THE CENTENNIAL.
SO ONE MORE THING...
FOR A BUSINESS TO GET INVOLVED
WITH THE CHAMBER, YOU KNOW,
YOU FIND SOME EXTRA EXPOSURE
DURING THAT EXCITING TIME
OF THE CENTENNIAL.
- OH, THAT'S AMAZING.
I'M A NEW STORE.
I WANT TO SUCCEED.
SO IF JOINING THE BEVERLY HILLS
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE
IS GONNA HELP ME SUCCEED,
THEN I'M JOINING.
I MEAN, HELLO?
I'VE GOT BILLS TO PAY.
- IF YOU ARE OPEN TO IT...
- MM-HMM.
- WE COULD DO A LITTLE RECEPTION
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
- I WOULD LOVE TO DO THAT.
ABSOLUTELY. - AWESOME.
- I COULD THROW A PARTY FOR,
LIKE, 300 PEOPLE
IN 24 HOURS, SO...
- I BET YOU CAN.
- AND, YOU KNOW, MORE CUSTOMERS
MEANS MORE PINK JACKETS FOR ME.
I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME IN.
- THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.
- THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?
- OH, THAT MAN?
HE WAS FROM THE BEVERLY HILLS
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE. - OKAY.
- AND HE'S TRYING
TO GET ME TO JOIN.
SO NOW I TOLD HIM I WOULD DO
A LITTLE COCKTAIL PARTY
TO MEET
SOME OF THE OTHER PEOPLE,
WHICH WOULD BE GOOD
FOR BUSINESS.
- YEAH, I'M GOOD WITH THAT.
- OH, CHIC.
- MAYBE I'LL HAVE LISA...
ONE OF HER RESTAURANTS CATER IT.
- OKAY.
IS THAT A GOOD IDEA?
- WELL, IF I HAD HER...
YEAH, IT'S A STEP
IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.
SOMEONE HAS TO MAKE
THE FIRST MOVE,
AND I KNOW
IT'S NOT GONNA BE LISA.
I DON'T WANT TO KEEP
MAKING THIS EFFORT
AND FEELING HURT BY YOU.
- YOU WANT IT TO BE
THE SAME AS IT WAS.
BUT DON'T YOU REALIZE
THAT YOU KEEP SAYING THINGS?
"YOU'RE MANIPULATIVE.
YOU HOLD A GRUDGE."
- I THINK IT'S A NICE WAY
JUST TO SORT OF SAY,
"LET'S JUST PUT EVERYTHING
BEHIND US AND MOVE FORWARD."
- I THINK YOU REACH OUT
TO HER ENOUGH
AND A LOT.
- IT'S SO CUTE.
- WOW.
I LOVE THE COLOR.
- OH, THAT'S CUTE.
- HI. GOOD MORNING. HOW ARE YOU?
- HI. HOW ARE YOU? MORNING.
HI. NICE TO SEE YOU. WELCOME.
- YOLANDA.
- BRANDI. THANK YOU.
I GOT THE HOUSE,
AND IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME
TO MAKE IT FEEL LIKE A HOME
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE,
SO I'M GONNA GET IT TOGETHER
WHIPPETY-SNIPPETY SNAP.
[chuckles]
- I THINK IN YOUR BEDROOM,
YOU GOT TO PUT YOUR NIGHTSTANDS
A LITTLE HIGHER.
I THINK THE ONES YOU HAVE
ARE A LITTLE LOW.
YOU SEE HOW GREAT THAT IS?
- YEAH.
I GOT RID OF THE THINGS
THAT WERE...
MY LIFE WITH EDDIE.
THE ONE THING I STILL DO HAVE
IS MY STRIPPER POLE.
THAT WILL BE
AT EVERY HOUSE FOREVER.
- HOW MUCH IS THIS? I LOVE THIS.
- THIS TAG ALWAYS FALLS OFF.
- OH, IT'S FREE.
- IT'S FREE.
- YAY.
- EXACTLY. FOR YOU, IT'S FREE.
- I MEAN,
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL PIECE.
- HOW MUCH IS THIS?
- THE LEATHER, IT'S, UM...
$5,400.
- I'M MOVIN' ON UP,
BUT, I MEAN, CLEARLY...
I DON'T HAVE THE BUDGET
THAT YOLANDA OR LISA HAS,
BECAUSE THEY'RE RICH.
- HELLO?
- HELLO.
IT'S YOUR CATERER.
- OH, HELLO. HI...
- GIVE ME THAT MUFFIN.
- YOU TINY LITTLE THING, YOU.
YOU LOOK SO SMALL.
YOU'RE LIKE THE...
- I LOOK SO SMALL?
- INCREDIBLE SHRINKING WOMAN.
- OH, GOD.
IT'S THE DANCING.
IT'S KILLING ME.
- SO SKINNY.
- GIVE ME THE MUFFIN.
HOW IS EVERYTHING?
- THEY LOVE TO TRY TO ESCAPE.
- OH, MY GOD, SO BETWEEN
THE DANCING AND THE BUSINESS,
I'M JUST FAILING AT EVERYTHING.
I'M A LOUSY MOTHER RIGHT NOW,
A LOUSY WIFE, A LOUSY FRIEND.
I MEAN... JUST DON'T JUMP
ON THAT "LOUSY FRIEND" THING.
- [laughs]
- I SEE YOU GETTING EXCITED.
- I'VE ASKED LISA
TO HAVE SUR CATER MY PARTY
BECAUSE I REALLY WANT
TO GET PAST OUR PROBLEMS.
- SUR'S KIND OF
MORE ROCK AND ROLL.
I MEAN, IT'S KIND OF CASUAL,
AND YOU KNOW
WHAT THE STAFF ARE LIKE.
IT'S NOT GONNA BE THAT FORMAL.
IF YOU GOT
A FORMAL DINNER PARTY...
- NO, IT'S NOT FORMAL.
IT'S A COCKTAIL.
- ALL RIGHT, THIS HOT MESS
COMING OVER HERE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
THEY'RE YOUNG. THEY'RE FUN.
THEY COME OVER
IN THEIR LITTLE SHORT DRESSES.
- WELL, I LIKE FUN AND CUTE.
- OKAY.
OKAY, AS LONG AS YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE GETTING INTO.
NO, IT'LL BE FINE.
- AS LONG AS... THEY KNOW
HOW TO MIX DRINKS, RIGHT?
- WELL, CLEARLY THEY DO.
- [laughs]
- THEY MIGHT DRINK THEM ALL.
- AS LONG AS THEY CAN MIX
THE DRINKS AND SERVE THE FOOD
THAT YOUR PEOPLE PREPARE,
THEN WE'RE FINE.
- THEY MIGHT END UP IN THE POOL.
[laughs]
HOW MANY PEOPLE?
- MAX, 50.
40 TO 50.
- AND YOU'RE
ON THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE.
THAT IS THE FUNNIEST
BLOODY THING I'VE EVER HEARD.
I'M NOT INVOLVED
WITH THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE
IN BEVERLY HILLS.
I REALLY DON'T HAVE
THE TIME RIGHT NOW.
I JUST DON'T IMAGINE
KYLE BEING INVOLVED
IN THE KIND OF BUREAUCRACY
OF THE CITY,
BUT, OKAY, IF THEY NEED KYLE,
I GUESS...
[chuckles]
I GUESS
SHE'LL, UM, FILL A SPACE.
- HAVE YOU TALKED
TO ANYBODY ELSE?
- YOLANDA... YEAH, I MEAN,
I'VE SPOKEN TO HER.
- I HEAR
SHE'S REALLY SICK STILL.
- NO, NO,
SHE'S DOING MUCH BETTER.
- I MEAN, TO ME, HONESTLY,
I'VE NEVER HAD
AN ISSUE WITH HER.
WE'VE GOTTEN ALONG.
I'VE NEVER HAD AN ISSUE.
BUT TO ME, A LIE...
I CAN'T TOLERATE A LIE.
ONCE SOMEONE I KNOW IS A LIAR...
WHY DON'T YOU SAY WHAT YOU SAID
ABOUT LISA IN PARIS?
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- YOU SAID
SHE'S FULL OF [bleep].
- OH, MY GOD.
YOU'RE A LIAR. PLEASE.
- YOLANDA, YOU ARE A LIAR.
- COME ON, COME ON.
- DID YOU GET THE INVITE
FROM KYLE
FOR THE HUNDREDTH BIRTHDAY
OF BEVERLY HILLS PARTY?
- I SAW THE INVITATION,
BUT, YOU KNOW, I'M KIND OF...
I'M CONFUSED.
I MEAN, WHY WOULD I GO
TO SOMEBODY'S HOUSE
THAT JUST CALLED ME A LIAR?
I DO NOT LIE.
YOU KNOW, ONE OF MY BIGGEST
FAULT IS THAT I'M TOO STRAIGHT,
AND I TOO MUCH SAY AS IT IS.
- WELL, DO IT FOR THE HUNDREDTH
BIRTHDAY PARTY OF BEVERLY HILLS.
IT'S NOT ABOUT KYLE.
IT'S ABOUT BEVERLY HILLS.
- HONEY, I'VE JUST...
I'VE BEEN SICK FOR NINE MONTHS.
I JUST... YOU KNOW,
I'M JUST GETTING MY MOJO BACK.
DO I REALLY GO AND STAND AT
SOMEBODY'S HOUSE FOR SOME PARTY
THAT DOESN'T HAVE
GOOD INTENTIONS WITH ME?
I JUST DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
I REALLY DON'T HAVE ANY INTEREST
TO GO TO HER HOUSE.
I JUST NEED ACKNOWLEDGMENT
IN ORDER TO MOVE ON,
AND KYLE SEEMS TO LIVE HER LIFE
BY SWEEPING EVERYTHING
UNDER THE CARPET.
I'M EXPECTING A PHONE CALL
FROM HER.
YOU KNOW, WOULD YOU SEND
SOMEBODY AN INVITATION
AND NOT CALL AND SAY,
"HEY, CAN WE MOVE BEYOND THIS?"
- WHEN I LOOK AT YOLANDA,
EVER WOULD I ASSOCIATE HER
WITH BEING A LIAR?
NO. - RIGHT.
WELL, I DO...
BECAUSE I KNOW, AND SHE KNOWS.
THAT'S MY ISSUE WITH HER.
I KNOW THE TRUTH.
- OKAY, WELL, THEN...
- I KNOW THE TRUTH, KIM KNOWS
IT, AND YOLANDA KNOWS THE TRUTH.
- OKAY, WELL, THEN YOU DEAL
WITH IT WITH HER.
- OKAY. WELL, JUST BEWARE.
- [sighs]
- IT JUST...
YOU KNOW, I FEEL LIKE...
- SO I'VE SEEN
THE GOSSIP MAGAZINES.
I HAVE TO ASK YOU,
BECAUSE IT KEEPS SAYING,
AND I WONDER IF THEY'RE JUST
CONJURING UP BULL[bleep]...
"LISA ATTACKED ME LAST TIME."
- [groans]
- THAT'S NOT YOU
SAYING THAT, RIGHT?
- NO, NO.
- 'CAUSE I DIDN'T ATTACK YOU.
I MEAN, I'D LIKE TO. [laughs]
- NO, NO,
THIS IS ALWAYS WHAT HAPPENS.
AND I'M SO GLAD I HAD
SO MANY PEOPLE SITTING THERE.
THEY SAID,
"DID YOU FEEL ATTACKED?"
AND I SAID,
"WELL, YEAH, YOU KNOW, I DID.
I FELT ATTACKED, WELL, YEAH."
AND THEN IT COMES OUT,
"KYLE SLAMS LISA."
- WELL, I KEEP SEEING IT,
AND I DON'T KNOW.
- I KNOW. ME TOO, AND I'M LIKE,
"OH, MY GOD."
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA
TALK ABOUT THE OTHER RUMOR.
THERE'S A RUMOR ALL OVER
THE PLACE THAT I'M PREGNANT.
- BUT THERE'S ALL THESE
NASTY RUMORS ABOUT MAURICIO.
THERE'S ALL THIS...
YOU KNOW, AT WHAT POINT...
- IT'S TERRIBLE.
- WE CAN'T INVEST
IN ANY OF THEM.
THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF GOSSIP
IN THE TABLOIDS...
VICIOUS, NASTY STUFF,
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.
AND IT'S LIKE
THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM.
I DON'T FEEL I CAN IGNORE IT
WITH KYLE.
SO THE BEST THING TO DO, I FEEL,
IS TO HIT IT HEAD-ON.
OH, HERE HE IS. - OH.
- WHAT'S UP?
- HE'S COME HOME
TO IMPREGNATE YOU.
- HI, HONEY.
- TO IMPREGNATE HER?
- YEAH, THERE ARE RUMORS
OUT THERE THAT I'M PREGNANT.
- WELL, THERE'S SO MANY RUMORS,
BUT WE JUST TALKED ABOUT THAT.
- THAT WAS ONE OF THE RUMORS.
- YEAH.
ARE YOU TAKING PORTIA
OUT TO LUNCH?
- I'M GONNA TAKE HER
OUT TO LUNCH.
I'M GONNA TAKE HER
TO RUN MY ERRANDS WITH ME.
- OKAY.
- AND THEN I'M GONNA...
- THIS IS WHERE THE RUMOR COMES
THAT HE'S BEEN SEEN
WITH A YOUNGER WOMAN.
[chuckles]
- WHY WOULD YOU
JUST JOKE LIKE THAT?
THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
AND I DON'T WANT YOU TALKING
LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF MY CHILD.
WILL YOU STOP THAT? I'M SERIOUS.
- NO, RIGHT.
NO, BUT YOU'VE JUST GOT
TO CONFRONT IT, AND IT'S DONE.
- NO, I DON'T LIKE
THAT APPROACH.
I FEEL LIKE LISA
IS NOT DONE PUNISHING ME.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS BEGINNING
TO FEEL LIKE A GAME TO ME,
AND I DON'T WANT TO PLAY GAMES
WITH MY FRIENDS.
- COMING UP...
STOP, KINGSLEY.
WELL, KINGSLEY
NEEDS SOME TRAINING.
[dog yelps]
[dog panting]
[dogs panting]
- WHAT DO YOU HAVE
IN YOUR MOUTH?
WHAT IS THAT? LET ME HAVE THAT.
KINGSLEY!
LET ME SEE THAT. WHAT IS THAT?
LET ME HAVE IT.
KINGSLEY!
SIT DOWN.
LET ME HAVE THAT TOY.
I HAVE HAD KINGSLEY ONE YEAR.
AND KINGSLEY...
WELL, KINGSLEY
NEEDS SOME TRAINING.
COME... COME...
KINGSLEY!
IF I'M NOT PLAYING WITH HIM,
HE'LL GO GET ANYTHING OF MINE
AND JUST START CHEWING ON IT.
YOU NEED TO GIVE ME THAT
RIGHT NOW.
RIGHT NOW! DROP IT.
WHA...
KINGSLEY LOVES SHOES.
KINGSLEY LOVES MY CUSHIONS.
KINGSLEY LOVES MY SOFA.
KINGSLEY EATS EVERYTHING.
COME ON.
LET'S MAKE KIMBERLY'S BED...
SO IT'S PRETTY
WHEN SHE COMES HOME.
THIS IS A GREAT TIME FOR ME.
KIMBERLY WILL BE GRADUATING
FROM HIGH SCHOOL
AND TAKING HER NEW JOURNEY
OFF TO COLLEGE.
SO I'M VERY EXCITED FOR HER.
WOOF!
THIS IS NOT YOURS.
OH, YOU ALREADY
ATE A HOLE IN THIS?
AND YOU TOOK HIS EYES OFF.
KINGSLEY, WHAT AM I
GONNA DO WITH YOU?
MY KIDS ARE VENTURING OUT,
AND I HAVE THIS NEW PUPPY NOW,
WHICH I MUST SAY HAS FILLED
A HUGE VOID FOR ME.
NO, I'M GONNA MAKE THE BED.
STOP, KINGSLEY.
I STARTED WITH
THE BASIC TRAINING OF KINGSLEY.
YOU TAKE THAT END.
I'LL DO THIS END.
BUT HE'S GETTING BIGGER,
AND HE'S BECOMING, LIKE...
[scoffs] A LOT.
NO!
KINGSLEY.
DUDE, I'M ALMOST DONE.
KINGSLEY, YOU WANT THE BALL?
KINGSLEY, LOOK.
FIVE MORE MINUTES.
OH!
OH, MY GOD.
KINGSLEY, THIS TIME,
IT'S WAY UNDER THERE.
DON'T HURT ME.
AH!
LAST YEAR, WHEN I WAS RECOVERING
FROM HAVING MY NOSE DONE,
HE GOT A LITTLE OVEREXCITED
AND BUMPED INTO IT
AND RE-BROKE MY NOSE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN
YOU GOT HIT IN THE FACE?
- I GOT HIT IN THE FACE.
- BY WHO?
- MY DOG.
THERE'S JUST DAYS
I JUST, LIKE, THINK...
"I DON'T KNOW
IF I CAN HANDLE THIS."
KINGSLEY, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
WAIT, WAIT.
WAIT, WA... [laughs]
- PORTIA, CAN YOU PUT
YOUR LITTLE CAR AWAY?
- NO.
- EXCUSE ME.
MAYBE YOU WANT TO RETHINK
THAT ANSWER.
CAN YOU PLEASE
PUT YOUR CAR AWAY?
- OKAY.
- THANK YOU.
OH, MY GOD, I GOT TO CHANGE.
[girl shouts]
- I'VE SEEN BETTER.
- MY HOUSE IS MUCH NICER.
- AH!
[smooches] GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- GREAT TO SEE YOU.
- OOH, THAT LOOKS GOOD.
- BEAUTIFUL HOUSE.
- WHAT IS THAT?
- CHICKEN MEATBALLS.
IS THERE ANYWHERE
WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE?
- NOT SUPPOSED TO BE?
- IS THERE ANYWHERE... YEAH.
- OKAY, YEAH, AND, JAX,
YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTERS.
- THAT'S NOT A PROBLEM.
- [laughs]
EVEN IF I CAN'T NECESSARILY
COUNT ON THE SUR STAFF,
I KNOW THAT THE FOOD
WILL ALWAYS BE GOOD.
THAT'S NICE OF ME TO SAY...
CONSIDERING. [laughs]
I GET TO TEST NOW? - YOU DO.
- WHAT KIND OF PIZZA IS THAT?
- THIS IS GONNA BE
A PHILLY CHEESESTEAK PIZZA...
CARAMELIZED ONIONS,
FILET MIGNON,
YELLOW CHEDDAR-CHEESE SAUCE.
- UGH, GOD, I HOPE
THEY BEHAVE THEMSELVES.
I MEAN, NOT OUR FRIENDS...
WELL, OUR FRIENDS TOO,
BUT OUR STAFF. - [laughs]
- I DON'T REALLY THINK OF KYLE
AS A BUSINESSWOMAN.
CLEARLY, I THINK,
SHE LOVES FASHION,
AND THAT'S WHY SHE GOT
INTO OPENING THIS SHOP.
I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT SHE'LL BRING
TO THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE...
I GUESS WE'LL SEE.
- [gasps] HELLO.
- ARE YOU ALL READY, THEN?
- WHY ARE YOU SO DRESSED UP?
I SAID "JEANS."
- I DIDN'T GET THE MEMO.
- JUST KIDDING.
I'M NOT CHANGED YET.
COME IN QUICKLY. HURRY.
- WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
- I'M GONNA GO CHANGE RIGHT NOW.
- YOU LOOK BETTER
THAN YOU NORMALLY DO.
- OH, THANK YOU. YOU'RE SO NICE.
- AND SERIOUS.
- OKAY, I GOT TO GO CHANGE.
MAYBE YOU CAN GO KEEP AN EYE
ON YOUR STAFF.
- OH, GOD, ARE THEY MISBEHAVING?
- NOT YET, BUT ONE DID SAY
HE WISHED HE BROUGHT
HIS BATHING SUIT.
- HEY. HI. HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. AND YOU?
NICE TO SEE YOU. - GOOD.
- HONEY, I'M GONNA
GO AND CHANGE.
- HEY, DARLING. HOW ARE YOU?
- HOW YOU DOING?
- OW, MOTHER[bleep]!
THAT'S, LIKE, THE MOST
INTERESTING PART OF MY DAY.
- YOU NEED TO GET THIS MOVING.
ALL RIGHT,
WHAT COCKTAILS HAVE YOU GOT?
- THERE'S, LIKE, A SUR COSMO,
AND THERE'S THE CUCUMBER MARTINI
AND THEN THE MARGARITA.
- YOU HAVE THIS BULGE
IN THE WAY.
- NO, DON'T SAY THAT EITHER.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.
- JUST DON'T TALK.
AND I HAVE
TWO DIFFERENT SHOES ON.
DON'T LET ME WALK OUT LIKE THAT.
IT'S NOT THAT HARD. - [gasps]
- IF THAT MEANS
I GET TO GO HOME,
I WILL ACTUALLY
JUST CUT MY FINGER RIGHT NOW.
I'LL GET OVER IT.
- LOOKING HOT, BABY.
- THANK YOU, HONEY.
- I LOVE THAT.
- YOU DO?
- I LOVE THAT DRESS.
- OH, THEY'RE IN THE KITCHEN.
- OKAY, THERE'S ARIANA
AND KRISTEN IN HERE
AND JAX AND TOM OUTSIDE.
- YEAH, AND KRISTEN SAID
THAT'S NOT HAPPENING.
- WHY?
- SHE SAID NATHALIE TOLD HER
THAT SHE'S WORKING THE BAR
WITH TOM.
AND I SAID,
"WELL, LISA SAID YOU'RE NOT...
GIRLS INSIDE, GUYS OUTSIDE."
AND SHE SAID SHE'D RATHER
GO BACK TO HER SHIFT AT SUR.
- WHO? KRISTEN DID?
- I SAID, "THEN GO."
- YOU'RE WORKING
THE BAR OUTSIDE.
- YOU NEED ME OUTSIDE?
- YEAH.
- ALL RIGHT.
- NATHALIE SAID THAT
TOM AND I COULD BE INSIDE.
I DON'T WANT TO BARTEND IT.
- WELL, WHY...
YOU DON'T WORK WITH TOM,
LIKE, BARTEND WITH TOM.
- YES, WE DO.
- NO, NOT NOW, YOU DON'T.
NOT A COUPLE WORKING THE BAR
TOGETHER.
- SO WE'RE GONNA HAVE ME
INSIDE BY MYSELF AND JAX...
- NO, I DON'T WANT TO ARGUE
WITH YOU.
- IT'S FINE. WHO CARES?
- UGH, EXACTLY.
- I CARE. THAT'S WHY. I CARE.
- I DON'T WANT TOM AND KRISTEN
WORKING TOGETHER
ON THE SAME BAR.
THEY'RE ALWAYS BICKERING.
THEY HAVE A VERY
KIND OF VOLATILE RELATIONSHIP,
AND I DON'T WANT IT TO RIPPLE
OVER INTO KYLE'S PARTY.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH
OF YOUR ATTITUDE.
GO BACK TO SUR.
JEEZ.
- SO AM I GONNA WALK HOME?
- YEAH.
- WHATEVER.
- WHAT HAPPENED TO NATHALIE?
- KRISTEN,
YOU'RE NOT GOING HOME.
- ARE YOU REALLY?
- SHE TOLD ME TO LEAVE.
- I THOUGHT SHE WOULD
ACTUALLY BEHAVE TONIGHT.
- I'M SO SICK
OF THIS [bleep] BULL[bleep].
LIKE, IT'S PISSING ME OFF.
- KRISTEN.
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE OUT OF CONTROL HERE.
- YOU'RE BEING REALLY RUDE
TO ME RIGHT NOW, THOUGH.
- NO, I'M NOT BEING RUDE.
- I'M AN ADULT.
- I'M NOT RUDE TO YOU.
- YOU ARE.
AND WHEN I SAY HELLO TO YOU
OUT OF RESPECT
AND YOU ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME...
- NO, NO, NO.
- I'M A 30-YEAR-OLD WOMAN.
- BUT WE'RE NOT GONNA
TALK ABOUT THIS NOW, OKAY?
- I'M GONNA GO BACK TO WORK.
I HAVE TO CUT FRUIT.
- OKAY.
- IT'S BULL[bleep].
- SHE IS SO RUDE, SO IMPULSIVE.
- OF COURSE SHE IS.
- THIS IS A [bleep] JOKE.
- COMING UP...
- LOOK AT THE BACK.
ISN'T THAT HOT?
- SO I CAN UNZIP IT?
JUST DO IT LIKE THIS?
- YEAH,
BUT I DON'T HAVE UNDERWEAR ON.
- OH, THAT'S OKAY.
LET'S HAVE A LOOK.
- LISA!
- [laughs]
- ♪♪ DO, DO, DO ♪♪
OKAY.
TONIGHT'S
AN EXCITING NIGHT FOR ME
BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE
I'M A BUSINESSWOMAN.
TO BE A MEMBER
OF THE BEVERLY HILLS
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE NOW
AND OWNING THIS STORE
IN BEVERLY HILLS
IS SOMETHING THAT'S NEW TO ME.
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN JUST A MOM
AND A WIFE,
AND NOW I'M A STORE OWNER.
- I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU JUGGLE
TWO RESTAURANTS AND...
- I USED TO HAVE 26.
OH, YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW.
YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW MY LIFE.
WELL, LET ME GET MYSELF A DRINK.
[laughter]
AND THIS IS WHY I DRINK.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- GOOD TO SEE YOU.
THIS IS MY FRIEND MARK.
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?
WE'VE MET BEFORE.
YEAH. NICE TO SEE YOU.
NOW, YOU HAVE A...
- I HAVE A MAKEUP STUDIO
ON BEDFORD,
SO I'M YOUR NEIGHBOR.
- OH, YOU'RE RIGHT NEXT
TO MY STORE.
- RIGHT.
- SO WHAT'S GOING ON?
SO YOLANDA'S COMING?
- SHE'S COMING?
- IS SHE COMING?
- WELL, I SENT THE EMAIL.
AND THEN I CALLED HER
BECAUSE I FIGURED
SHE'S NOT GONNA FEEL COMFORTABLE
JUST FROM AN EMAIL,
BECAUSE WE STILL HAVEN'T, LIKE,
SPOKEN SINCE EVERYTHING, SO...
- YOU KNOW WHAT? LET IT GO.
I DON'T CARE,
AND IF I DON'T CARE...
- YOU LET IT GO... THAT'S THE
FUNNIEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD.
- NO, I DON'T CARE.
WHY IS THAT FUNNY?
- I THINK THAT LISA IS
A LITTLE INTIMIDATED BY YOLANDA.
AND I THINK THAT
SHE JUST THINKS IT'S EASIER
TO PRETEND THAT SHE THINKS
YOLANDA IS TELLING THE TRUTH.
- SO... OKAY.
NO, WHAT I'M SAYING TO YOU
IS IF IT'S ABOUT...
IF IT'S "SUPPOSEDLY"
ABOUT WHAT SHE SAID ABOUT ME
AND I DON'T CARE,
WHY NOT JUST LET IT GO?
- WELL, OBVIOUSLY, IT'S MORE
THAN THAT BECAUSE SHE LIED.
- NO, BUT...
- YOU'RE SAYING, "LET IT GO,"
BUT YOU NEVER LET GO
OF ANYTHING.
- I LET GO OF EVERYTHING.
- WELL, WITH ME,
YOU DIDN'T LET GO.
SO WHY ARE YOU
TELLING ME TO LET GO?
- OH, PLEASE, WELL, WHY AM I
EVEN HERE IF I DIDN'T LET IT GO?
- IT TAKES A LITTLE LONGER
THAN JUST... BOOM.
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.
I INVITED HER.
THAT WAS MY EFFORT I MADE.
- BUT SHE MAINTAINS
THAT SHE NEVER SAID IT.
THAT'S WHY SHE'S UPSET.
- WELL, YOU KNOW DAMN WELL
SHE SAID THAT.
IF YOU WANT TO BELIEVE HER
OVER ME,
WHEN I KNOW
AND EVERYONE ELSE KNOWS...
- MAYBE IT GOT LOST
IN TRANSLATION.
- LISTEN, I KNOW, KIM KNOWS,
YOLANDA KNOWS, AND GOD KNOWS.
- I'VE HAD A HISTORY WITH HER
AND HER FAMILY FOR YEARS.
- NO, YOU'VE HAD A HISTORY
WITH HER FAMILY...
NOT REALLY WITH HER.
- THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
- YOU'VE HAD A HISTORY
WITH ME MORE THAN HER.
- MOHAMED IS ONE
OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS.
- RIGHT, BUT NOT YOLANDA.
- YEAH... NO.
NO, I SAID WITH HER
AND HER FAMILY.
IT'S KYLE'S PERCEPTION
THAT HER AND I ARE CLOSER,
BUT I DON'T THINK
SHE'S HELPING MATTERS RIGHT NOW.
SHE'S TRYING TO GET ME
TO CHOOSE SIDES.
THERE ARE NO SIDES.
- OKAY, THAT'S FINE.
- THAT'S IT.
- IF YOU WANT TO DO THAT FOR
YOURSELF TO BE FRIENDS WITH HER,
GO AHEAD... THAT'S FINE.
- I AM FRIENDS WITH HER.
- SO NOW IT'S BETWEEN US.
- OKAY.
- RIGHT. THAT'S GOOD.
IT'S BETWEEN US.
- [sighs]
- IT FEELS LIKE
A SLAP IN THE FACE TO ME.
LISA KNOWS ME.
AND SHE KNOWS I'M NOT A LIAR.
- WE GIVE OUT AWARDS, ACTUALLY,
TO DIFFERENT BUSINESSES
WITHIN BEVERLY HILLS OR PEOPLE
WHO BELONG TO THE CHAMBER.
- WELL, IT'S THE BEST THING
THAT EVER HAPPENED
TO BEVERLY HILLS, THAT BUSINESS.
- IT'S A BELL PEPPER
ON CRISPY RICE.
- HEY, KIM.
- HI.
- HOW ARE YOU?
I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU FOREVER.
- FOR QUALITY CONTROL.
- HI.
HOW ARE YOU? - OH, MY GOSH.
YOU LOOK GORGEOUS.
- THANK YOU. SO DO YOU.
- THANK YOU.
- YOU LOOK GOOD.
- HEY. OH, I LOVE YOUR DRESS.
- THANK YOU.
I LOVE YOUR DRESS TOO.
- IT'S A KATHY HILTON DRESS.
- IT IS?
I LOVE IT. IT'S GORGEOUS.
- THANK YOU.
- DO WE RING THE BELL,
OR WE JUST WALK IN?
- HI.
- HI.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- HI. CARLTON GEBBIA.
- CARLTON?
- YEAH.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.
- HI, DAVID GEBBIA.
- DAVID, NICE TO MEET YOU.
COME ON IN. - THANK YOU.
- ARE YOU WITH THE BEVERLY HILLS
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE TOO?
- YES. STOCKCROSS.
- OH, OKAY.
WELL, COME ON IN.
SAY HI TO EVERYBODY.
NOW, I HAVE TO PUT IN
MY DISCLAIMER
BECAUSE I'M EMBARRASSED.
MY ROOM IS NOT DONE YET, SO
THE WOOD IS NOT STAINED, SO...
- WE'RE EASY.
- NO, I GET IT, THOUGH.
- OH, YOU'RE ENGLISH.
- YEAH.
- OH, YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL...
I LOVE YOUR ACCENT.
- I FIND BUSINESS COCKTAIL
PARTIES RATHER BORING,
BUT I CERTAINLY HAVE MET
SOME VERY INTERESTING PEOPLE.
- LISA, WE HAVE
A SIMILAR ACCENT IN THE HOUSE.
THIS IS MY FRIEND
LISA VANDERPUMP.
- HELLO. REALLY?
- CARLTON.
- CARLTON
AND HER HUSBAND, DAVID.
- WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
- WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
- SOUTH LONDON, GREENWICH.
- REALLY?
MAYBE TO AMERICANS
WE SOUND THE SAME.
TO ME, IT'S A LITTLE DIFFERENT.
GREENWICH... WELL, I WAS
BROUGHT UP IN DULWICH.
- ALL RIGHT.
- IT'S NEAR.
- I WAS BORN IN GUERNSEY,
THE CHANNEL ISLANDS.
- HER ACCENT'S NOT...
IT'S NOT THE SAME AS MINE.
- ANYWAY, I'LL WALK...
SHOW YOU OUTSIDE.
COME ON AND FOLLOW ME.
COME ON OUTSIDE.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.
- VERY GOOD TO MEET YOU.
- BYE.
SHE SEEMS NICE.
- THAT'S MY LITTLE ONE.
DO YOU GUYS HAVE KIDS?
- YEAH, THREE.
- YEAH, WE HAVE THREE.
- OH, YOU DO? HOW OLD ARE THEY?
- WELL, DESTINY'S GONNA BE 11
IN JUNE, THEN MYSTERI'S 9,
AND THEN OUR SON'S
GONNA BE 2 NEXT WEEK.
- WAIT. OH, MY GOSH,
YOU HAVE A LITTLE BABY.
- YEAH.
- WHAT'S HIS NAME?
- CROSS.
- I LOVE THOSE NAMES.
WHAT MADE YOU COME UP
WITH THOSE NAMES?
- UH, DESTINY, BECAUSE
WHEN I FIRST MET DAVID,
THAT WAS
WHAT HE REPRESENTED TO ME.
- AW, THAT'S SO CUTE.
- AND MYSTERI...
WE MET A CAB DRIVER IN HAWAII.
[laughter] - NO, NO, IT'S TRUE.
- HIS DAUGHTER, YEAH.
- AND THAT'S THE FATHER.
- EXACTLY, THAT'S THE FATHER.
- I'M JOKING, JUST JOKING.
- YEAH, IT WAS A LONG NIGHT.
YEAH, YEAH.
- MY WIFE ALWAYS GETS
THE HICCUPS FROM SPICY FOOD.
- [laughs]
IT'S SO FUNNY BECAUSE I...
- WHERE IS YOUR WIFE?
SHE DIDN'T MAKE IT TONIGHT?
- NO, NO, NO, NO.
SHE... SHE'S JAZZERCISING.
- NICE.
- OH.
- THAT'S FUN.
- [laughs]
- THIS IS THE LAST PLACE
I WANT TO BE TONIGHT,
BUT I SAID IF KYLE
WOULD CALL ME, I WOULD GO.
SO I KEPT MY PART OF THE DEAL.
- HELLO. GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- LOOK AT YOU.
HOW ARE YOU, LOVE?
- I LIKE THIS DRESS.
WHOSE IS THIS?
- VICTORIA BECKHAM.
LOOK AT THE BACK.
ISN'T THAT HOT?
- I LIKE IT. SO I CAN UNZIP IT?
JUST DO IT LIKE THIS?
- YEAH,
BUT I DON'T HAVE UNDERWEAR ON.
- OH, THAT'S OKAY.
LET'S HAVE A LOOK.
- LISA!
- [laughs]
- HER KIDS' NAMES ARE
DESTINY, MYSTERI, AND CROSS.
- OH, I LOVE IT.
- AREN'T THEY BEAUTIFUL NAMES?
- OH, WOW.
- WE'RE GOING TO SOCIALIZE.
THANK YOU.
WHERE ARE THE, UH...
- HAVE YOU SAID
HELLO TO KYLE OR NOT?
- NO, WE JUST WALKED IN.
- OKAY. ALL RIGHT. OKAY.
- YEAH, WAIT.
- YEAH, WAIT.
- IT'S A 5,000-SQUARE-FOOT
CLOSET,
WHICH IS NOT SAYING MUCH
IN BEVERLY HILLS,
'CAUSE EVERYONE SEEMS
TO HAVE ONE LIKE THAT.
- YOU NEVER KNOW IN THIS GROUP
WHEN YOU'RE GONNA NEED
SOME BRASS KNUCKLES.
- OH, LORD. HERE COMES...
- [laughs] WHAT?
- [sighs]
- HI, KIMMY!
- I GOT TO SAY HI REALLY QUICK.
- HELLO.
- HI, GIRLY.
HOW ARE YOU? - HEY, MAURICIO.
- HEY, YOLANDA. HOW ARE YOU?
IS DAVID HERE? - HOW ARE YOU?
NO, HE'S WORKING.
HE'S DOING A CHARITY.
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?
THIS IS THE WEIRDEST PARTY
I'VE EVER THROWN.
90% OF THE PEOPLE,
I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
HI, YOLANDA, HOW ARE YOU?
- HI, GIRLS. HI.
HOW ARE YOU?
- THANK YOU FOR COMING.
- THANK YOU FOR HAVING US.
- THANK YOU FOR COMING.
AND THE OTHER 10%
OF MY "FRIENDS,"
I'M NOT SO SURE
THEY'RE MY FRIENDS.
- JOYCE.
- HI, JOYCE. HOW ARE YOU?
NICE TO MEET YOU.
- I'M GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?
- WELCOME TO NOT MY PARTY,
BUT WELCOME.
- YEAH, THANK YOU.
- THANK YOU.
- YOU LOOK GORGEOUS.
- THANK YOU.
THESE ARE MY FRIENDS, LISA...
- HELLO. HI.
- I'M MICHAEL OHOVEN.
- AND BRANDI.
- MICHAEL, HELLO.
- HI, LISA.
- WAIT. DO YOU GO TO DR. LANCER?
BECAUSE I SWEAR
I'VE SEEN YOU IN THERE BEFORE.
- NO, BUT YOU KNOW
WHERE I'VE SEEN YOU?
AT JANELLE'S
BABY'S BIRTHDAY PARTY.
- OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
I'M LIKE, "WHY DO I KNOW YOU?
I KNOW THIS GIRL."
- I'M LIKE, "YOU KNOW
WHERE I'VE SEEN YOU ACTUALLY?"
- I THREW THE BABY SHOWER
FOR HER.
I'M LIKE, "I KNOW THIS GIRL
FOR SOME REASON."
- HONEY.
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?
- MIKE.
- HI. I'M KYLE.
- MICHAEL OHOVEN.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- HI, KYLE. I'M JOYCE.
THANKS FOR HAVING US.
- HI. NICE TO MEET YOU.
THANKS FOR COMING.
- THANK YOU.
- JOYCE IS FROM PUERTO RICO.
- OH, WOW. WE JUST CEL...
- PUERTO RICO.
- TU TAMBIEN HABLA?
DO YOU ALSO SPEAK SPANISH?
- [speaks Spanish]
- [speaks Spanish]
I'M A YOUNG GIRL
FROM PUERTO RICO,
BUT I LIVE IN BEVERLY HILLS NOW.
I'VE BEEN
A TWO-TIME MISS PUERTO RICO.
I WAS SECOND RUNNER-UP
IN THE MISS UNIVERSE.
I'M A TOTAL PAGEANT GIRL.
I LOVE BEAUTIFUL GIRLS.
[speaks Spanish]
- [speaks Spanish]
- I DO UNDERSTAND IF SHE'S
NOT TOO FAST WITH THE GIRLS.
THEN IT GETS REALLY TOUGH.
- IF I'M FAST,
HE KIND OF GETS LOST.
MY BABY'S A PRODUCER,
AND HE'S DONE FANTASTIC MOVIES.
I'M REALLY PROUD OF HIS WORK.
HE WAS NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR
FOR THE MOVIE CAPOTE.
[trills tongue]
- COUPLE OF MARGARITAS,
AND I'M BETTER, ACTUALLY.
- AND THEN IT'S BETTER.
- THEN I'M FLUENT,
REALLY FLUENT.
- BEAUTIFUL HAIR.
- SHE'S GORGEOUS.
- JOYCE IS CUTE AND FOR SURE
HAS BETTER HAIR THAN KYLE.
- KYLE, YOU HAVE
HAIR COMPETITION.
I'M SORRY, BUT THIS MIGHT...
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
- BE BETTER THAN YOUR HAIR.
- YOU HAVE STUNNING HAIR.
- I TOLD HER,
I'M ABOUT TO CHOP MINE OFF.
- I THINK YOU SHOULD DO
A COMMERCIAL FOR PANTENE.
- YES. [laughter]
- REALLY?
- NO, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
- LISA'S LITTLE DIGS
COME WITH A SMILE,
SO YOU THINK,
"OH, THAT WAS A JOKE."
AND THEN A LITTLE WHILE LATER,
YOU REALIZE,
"OKAY, THAT WAS AN INSULT."
- THESE ARE FABULOUS.
- TEQUILA?
- ARE YOU SURE?
- NO, NO TEQUILA.
- TEQUILA, THEN I BECOME WILD.
- ME TOO.
- YOU TOO?
- THAT'S WHY WE DRINK IT.
- CUTE TO SEE THE GIRLS
WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL HAIR...
THEY'RE, LIKE, HITTING IT OFF.
- ONE TEQUILA,
AND I'M, LIKE, DONE.
I'M A VERY CHEAP DATE.
- YOU'RE OKAY WITH KYLE,
THOUGH, YEAH?
IT'S OKAY? IT WAS OKAY.
- YEAH, I MEAN, TONIGHT IS NOT
THE NIGHT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
- NO, BUT IT WAS OKAY.
- IT'S FINE.
KYLE IS ABOUT KYLE.
WHATEVER WORKS FOR KYLE
IS HOW SHE'S GONNA MANEUVER
CERTAIN SITUATIONS.
AS OF NOW, WE'RE NOT GONNA
BE FRIENDS ANYTIME SOON.
- HOW FUNNY IS THAT CAKE?
- [laughs]
- CAN WE EAT IT?
- NO WAY! KIM!
- KYLE, I WANT A BITE.
- MAYBE WE CAN TAKE IT FROM
THE BACK WHERE NOBODY SEES IT.
- PEEL ME OFF SOME CHOCOLATE.
- [laughs]
- YOLANDA AND I NEED
TO HAVE A CONVERSATION.
HOWEVER, I KNOW THAT SHE LIED.
AND I HAVE A FEELING
THAT THIS WOMAN
IS NOT GONNA BACK DOWN
AND TELL THE TRUTH.
- STAY CLOSE.
- I KNOW.
- JOYCE, MICHAEL, I WANTED YOU
TO MEET CARLTON AND DAVID.
- HELLO. HI.
- HI.
- HI. I'M JOYCE.
- JOYCE AND MICHAEL.
- HI. DAVID. NICE TO MEET YOU.
- HI, DAVID. NICE TO MEET YOU.
- I'M MICHAEL.
- CARLTON.
- NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.
- ARE YOU GRABBING MY ASS?
- YEAH, I LIKE IT.
I'M JUST... I'M NOT USED TO IT
BEING SO TIGHT.
I LOVE IT. KEEP DANCING.
- DON'T TELL KEN.
- [clicks tongue]
- DON'T TELL KEN.
- KEEP DANCING.
- 11, 9, AND 2 NEXT WEEK.
SON IS GONNA BE 2 NEXT WEEK.
- HOLD ON. 11?
- SHE HAS A 2-YEAR-OLD.
- I HAVE A 2-YEAR-OLD...
- REALLY?
- BOY.
- I HAVE A 2-YEAR-OLD BOY
AND A 3-YEAR-OLD BOY.
- I WANT A 2-YEAR-OLD.
- OH, NO, HONEY, WE GOT...
- I WANT A 2-YEAR-OLD.
[laughter]
- YOU WANT ANOTHER ONE?
WHAT'S YOUR YOUNGEST AGAIN?
SORRY.
- HE'S GONNA BE, ACTUALLY,
2 NEXT WEEK.
YEAH, HE'S CROSS.
I MEAN, HIS NAME IS CROSS.
- YEAH?
- HE'S NOT CROSS.
- HOLD ON. CROSS?
- YEAH.
DESTINY AND MYSTERI. - WHOA.
THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE.
- DESTINY AND MYSTERI...
THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.
- THANK YOU.
- THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.
I LIKE THAT EVEN BETTER
THAN CROSS.
- I ALWAYS GIVE PEOPLE THE
BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT INITIALLY,
BUT MY THING IS DON'T [bleep]
WITH MY CHILDREN'S NAMES.
- THAT'S GREAT NAMES, ANYWAY.
- LOOK AT WHAT JUST HAPPENED.
- WHAT DID YOU DO?
- NO, UH...
I FORGOT HER NAME, BUT...
I KNOW HER, BUT SOMEBODY
JUST BUMPED INTO ME...
THE GUY... HER HUSBAND.
AND I HAVE STUFF ALL OVER ME.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
- YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
- THANK YOU.
- THIS IS VERY GOOD.
- YEAH, EVERYTHING'S
REALLY GOOD.
- I RUN INTO SCHEANA
ALL THE TIME.
I MEAN, THERE'S ALWAYS GONNA BE
A LITTLE HISTORY THERE.
I KNOW YOU WERE
[bleep] MY HUSBAND.
I GOT THAT. I GET THAT.
I MEAN, I FORGIVE 100%,
BUT I CAN'T FORGET.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR TOOTH?
- I HAD AN ACCIDENT,
KNOCKED MY TWO FRONT TEETH OUT.
- [gasps]
- I HAD A BAD INFECTION
IN THIS ONE.
- WOW.
- HAD TO HAVE IT EXTRACTED.
- 'CAUSE IT'S, LIKE,
GRAY OR SOMETHING, RIGHT?
- YEAH. SO IT'S JUST GLUED
TO THESE TWO RIGHT NOW.
- SO ARE YOU GONNA GET...
IS THAT PERMANENT?
- I HAVE TO HAVE AN IMPLANT.
- IS IT TEMPORARY?
- THIS IS TEMPORARY
UNTIL THE BONE HEALS.
- [grunts]
- YEAH.
- THAT SUCKS.
- I KNOW. IT'S BEEN TERRIBLE.
- SHE HAD, LIKE,
A GRAY AND PURPLE TOOTH.
AND SHE SAYS SHE FELL,
AND SHE KNOCKED HER TEETH OUT.
KARMA.
- LIKE, MOST PEOPLE
WOULDN'T MENTION IT,
BUT YOU WERE LIKE,
"WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR TEETH?"
- LISTEN, SHE USED
TO [bleep] MY HUSBAND,
I'M GONNA MENTION A GRAY TOOTH.
- [laughs]
- COMING UP...
- YOU LOVE ME.
- NO. NO, NO, NO.
THAT'S WISHFUL THINKING.
- [laughs]
LISA IS PETTING MY HEAD
LIKE I'M A DOG OR SOMETHING.
SO CONDESCENDING.
- I DON'T KNOW
IF I SHOULD ADMIT IT RIGHT NOW,
BUT I ACTUALLY
DID DO A PORNO MOVIE.
- YOU DID A PORNO?
- YEAH.
IT WAS CALLED, UH...
- LET ME SEE IF I RECOGNIZE YOU.
- NOT CHARLIE'S ANGELS XXX.
- [laughs]
- AND I PLAYED
THE LEAD ROLE IN IT.
BUT SERIOUSLY, I DID IT.
IT WAS A VOICE-OVER THING
I DID YEARS AGO.
- THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY.
ISN'T THAT WHAT LISA SAID TOO?
- I CAN TELL.
- [laughs]
- APPARENTLY, LISA
HAS DONE SOME MOVIES
WHERE SHE SHOWED A LITTLE SKIN.
LISA SAID...
[British accent] "OH, PLEASE.
IT WAS 3/4 OF A NIPPLE."
WELL, 3/4 OF A NIPPLE,
WHOOP DE DOO.
- I HEARD ABOUT THAT...
- [laughs]
- LISA'S LITTLE NIPPLE ACTION.
[both laugh]
- I WAS SHOCKED THAT KYLE
WOULD START TALKING
ABOUT LISA AND HER NIPPLES.
I JUST THOUGHT
IT WAS REALLY DISTASTEFUL.
- LISTEN,
EVERY HOME VIDEO SHOWS MORE.
THAT'S FINE.
- YEAH, WHAT DO WE CARE?
- DOESN'T COUNT.
- WELL, MAYBE IN YOUR HOUSE.
- [laughs] FOR SURE.
- FOR SURE.
- FOR SURE IN MY HOUSE.
[laughter]
- OH, WE WENT TO VEGAS
FOR HIS BIRTHDAY.
- OH, NICE.
- YEAH, WE HAD
ONE NIGHT OF DEBAUCHERY,
AND THAT WAS ABOUT IT.
- I CAN ONLY DO VEGAS
FOR ONE NIGHT, LIKE, HARD.
- PROPERLY.
- DO YOUR ACCENTS SOUND
THE SAME TO YOU OR DIFFERENT?
- DIFFERENT.
- THEY DO?
- DON'T THEY
SOUND DIFFERENT TO YOU?
- [British accent]
I'VE ONLY PERFECTED YOURS.
[laughs] - CLEARLY YOU HAVEN'T.
TWO PEOPLE YOU CAN TAKE
THE PISS OUT OF NOW.
- OH, BELIEVE ME, I WILL.
I LOVE IT.
- AND GET YOURSELF
IN BIG TROUBLE.
YOU HAVEN'T PERFECTED MINE.
- I CAN DO YOLANDA TOO.
- I DON'T THINK SO.
- [imitating Yolanda]
MY HUSBAND'S A GENIUS.
[laughs]
- THAT'S NOTHING LIKE IT.
- [laughs]
- THAT IS NOTHING LIKE IT.
IF I HELD A GRUDGE,
I WOULDN'T BE AT KYLE'S PARTY.
BUT YOU HAVE TO SHOW YOLANDA
YOU HAVE THE COURAGE
OF YOUR CONVICTIONS.
- OH, I'LL TELL HER ONE NIGHT
WHEN SHE HAS A PERSONALITY
AND WILL LAUGH.
[laughs] - OH!
IF I HELD A GRUDGE,
I WOULDN'T CALL HER.
I WOULDN'T SOMETIMES
HAVE LUNCH WITH HER.
HOLDING A GRUDGE IS CUTTING
SOMEBODY OUT OF YOUR LIFE.
I HAVEN'T DONE THAT.
- EVERYTHING'S
SO DIFFERENT LATELY.
RIGHT? - I KNOW.
NOW YOU'RE WISHING
YOU'D STAYED BEST FRIENDS
WITH ME, AREN'T YOU?
- [laughs]
- NOW YOU'RE REGRETTING IT,
AREN'T YOU?
- OH, YOU MISS ME, LISA.
LOOK HOW YOU'RE PETTING ME.
- YOU MISS ME.
- LOOK HOW YOU'RE PETTING ME.
- YOU MISS ME.
- YOU LOVE ME.
- NO. NO, NO, NO.
THAT'S WISHFUL THINKING.
- [laughs]
LISA IS PETTING MY HEAD
LIKE I'M A DOG OR SOMETHING.
SO CONDESCENDING.
OF COURSE, SHE'S DOING IT
WITH A SMILE,
LIKE SHE'S JOKING,
BUT I KNOW SHE'S NOT.
- IT'S COLD.
- THIS SEASON ON THE REAL
HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...
- READY?
- THIS IS THE SIDE
YOU DON'T SEE.
- ON THE GROUND. YEAH, KIM!
AAH! - THE POLICE ARE COMING!
- DAVID FOSTER.
- OH, GOD, I REALLY DON'T LIKE
THAT SPOT YOU JUST WENT ON.
KINGSLEY! KINGSLEY! - OH! OH!
- WOULD IT BE WRONG
TO HAVE PUPPY SEX?
- LOOK AT YOU.
- BACK TO WORK.
- I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE
FAINT SO PRETTY.
- [sighs]
[thud] [laughs]
- WE CAN'T FIND CHICA.
- WHAT THE [bleep]
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- SHE LOOKS LIKE
A LITTLE BROKEN BIRD.
- IT'S GONNA BE PERFECT, OKAY?
I'LL SEE YOU IN RECOVERY.
- I HAVE NEVER SUFFERED
THIS DEEPLY IN MY LIFE.
- KYLE, THERE IS THAT STORY
ABOUT MAURICIO CHEATING
AND WHATNOT.
- A LOT OF TIMES,
THESE STORIES COME OUT AND...
- YOU'RE SAYING
THERE'S NO SMOKE WITHOUT FIRE.
- EXACTLY.
- I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S TRUE.
I REALLY DON'T.
- [voice breaking]
[bleep] ALL OF YOU.
- I LOOK THE PART,
BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
- JOYCE IS BEAUTIFUL AND BUBBLY,
BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO BE
ON HER BAD SIDE.
[gunshot] - BAM!
AY, DIOS MIO!
[all cheering]
- AAH!
- CARLTON IS A BADASS.
OOH, MY GOD.
SHE'S HOT. I LIKE HER.
- YES, I'M A WITCH.
- BUT SPELLS ONLY GET TO YOU
IF YOU BELIEVE IN IT.
- [bleep] YOU.
WHEN YOU GO HOME TONIGHT,
WATCH OUT.
- GIVE IT TO ME NOW.
- I'M GETTING DRUNK-ISH.
- I CAN ALREADY SEE BRANDI
GOING TO THE DARK SIDE.
- JOYCE IS A BIG, FAT PIG.
IF I WAS A BULLY,
I WOULD HAVE KNOCKED
YOUR [bleep] TEETH OUT BY NOW.
- DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK
THAT SHE IS, LIKE,
BLACKMAILING MAURICIO AND KYLE?
- EVERYBODY KNOWS
IT'S A [bleep] LIE.
AND THAT'S BULL[bleep].
- WE ARE ALL HER PUPPETS.
- I THOUGHT
YOU JUST NEEDED REHAB,
BUT OBVIOUSLY IT'S JUST YOU.
- SHUT THE [bleep] UP.
- YOU'RE SO STUPID.
- WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE
TO CALL ME STUPID?
- YOU'RE A BIG,
STUBBORN OLD MAN.
- WHY DO I HAVE
TO EXPLAIN MYSELF?
- YOU DON'T.
- I'VE BEEN SUCH A GOOD FRIEND
TO BRANDI.
SOMETIMES, SOME THINGS
SHE'S DONE HAVE BEEN VICIOUS.
- IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE
JUDGED FOR BEING A WICCAN,
THEN DON'T ACT LIKE A WITCH.
- YOU DON'T [bleep] DARE
COMMAND ME!
- I KNOW YOU'RE THE CHESS PLAYER
OF ALL TIME,
BUT I JUST [bleep]
CHECKMATED YOU, BITCH.
- TO LEARN MORE
ABOUT THE HOUSEWIVES,
HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...
[applause] - BEAUTIFUL!
- VOOM-VOOM! SHA-BANG!
- [bleep]! [all screaming]
OH, [bleep]!
- YOLANDA, THIS IS KIM.
- HI, KIM, HOW ARE YOU?
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
BEAUTIFUL WOMEN LOVE RICH MEN.
STILL [bleep] YOUR HUSBAND
FOR A CHANEL BAG.
DON'T YOU GUYS... CAN JUST
DISCUSS LIKE NORMAL WOMEN?
- YOLANDA, DARLING...
NOBODY'S LISTENING TO YOU.
EVERY TIME MY PHONE RANG
IN THE NIGHT,
I THOUGHT THEY WERE GONNA SAY,
"YOUR SISTER'S GONE."
- IT HAPPENED TO ME, KYLE.
- THAT'S A LIE!
- I AM NOT LYING, BITCH!
- AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
- YOU CALLED MY WIFE A BITCH?
- [bleep] YOU!
- YOU'RE A PIECE OF [bleep].
- I DON'T SIT AND PRETEND TO BE
SOMETHING I'M NOT.
IF YOU'RE WORRIED
I'M A LOOSE CANNON,
NO, I'M THE TRUTH CANNON.
I WILL TELL YOU
WHAT YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR.
- YOU DESERVE ALL OF THAT.
- SHUT THE [bleep] UP!
- IT'S ALWAYS NICE TO HAVE
A FRIEND THAT TURNS AROUND
AND SAYS, "YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M ON YOUR SIDE."
- AND I JUST SAID...
- SHUT THE [bleep] UP.
WHY AREN'T YOU
MY FRIEND ANYMORE?
AND YOU'RE NOT THE SAME.
I KNOW, BUT IT'S CHANGED.
SO WHAT?
- I'M FROM THIS TOWN.
I KNOW WHAT'S REAL
AND WHAT'S FAKE.
- DON'T TELL ME
YOU'RE MY FRIEND.
ACT LIKE ONE.
- IN BEVERLY HILLS,
THE HIGHER YOU CLIMB,
THE FARTHER YOU FALL.
- EVERYBODY LOVES
A COMEBACK STORY,
ESPECIALLY STARRING ME.
- IN MY WORLD,
MONEY DOESN'T TALK.
IT SWEARS.
- YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO YOUNG,
TOO THIN, OR TOO HONEST.
- LIFE IS A SEXY LITTLE DANCE,
AND I LIKE TO TAKE THE LEAD.
- ONE, TWO, THREE...
[camera shutter clicking]
- BEAUTIFUL.
- BEAUTIFUL.
SLOWLY. OOPS.
- COME IN CLOSE
FOR A BEAUTY SHOT NOW.
- OH, OH, OH!
- YEAH!
- [laughs]
- GIGI'S MODELING CAREER
IS GOING INCREDIBLE.
SHE'S ESTABLISHING
HER OWN BRAND AT THE AGE OF 18.
AND SHE'S WORKING.
SHE'S MAKING A LOT OF MONEY.
- YEAH.
- WOW.
YOUR BODY LOOKS AMAZING, GIGI.
- ALL RIGHT, READY?
- THE HARD WORK PAID OFF, GIRL.
SHE GOT THE COVER
OF SANTA BARBARA MAGAZINE.
SHE'S GOT THE FALL 2013 GUESS
CAMPAIGN, WHICH IS AMAZING.
- THE BELT.
- THE BELT, THE BELT...
LET'S FIX THE BELT A LITTLE.
SHE'S JUST LIKE MOMMY.
LOOK, SHE'S FIXING
EVERYTHING HERSELF.
OH, MY GOD, THAT'S AMAZING.
WHEN I LOOK AT GIGI,
I'M JUST SO INCREDIBLY PROUD
BECAUSE ALL I SEE
IS JUST A MUCH, MUCH BETTER
VERSION OF ME.
YOU'RE DOING
SUCH A GOOD JOB, GIGI.
- THANKS.
- AREN'T YOU PROUD?
SEE, IT'S HARD TO EXERCISE
SIX DAYS A WEEK,
AND IT'S HARD
TO NOT EAT ANY SUGAR,
AND IT'S HARD TO HAVE
TO EAT SALAD EVERY DAY.
BUT NOW YOU SEE HOW IT PAYS OFF.
- YEAH.
LIKE, WHEN I'M WORKING OUT,
I'M LIKE,
"[bleep], I DON'T WANT
TO DO THIS ANYMORE."
- YEAH.
- BUT THEN...
- WHO WANTS TO BE
A MODEL, RIGHT?
- BUT THEN WHEN I'M SHOOTING,
I'M LIKE,
"I'LL DO ANOTHER
3 MILLION SIT-UPS IF YOU WANT."
- [laughs]
I FEEL JUST SO BLESSED
TO BE ABLE TO GO
ON A PHOTO SHOOT WITH GIGI
BECAUSE THE PAST YEAR
HAS BEEN SUCH AN EXTRAORDINARY
STRUGGLE FOR ME.
IT'S HARD TO CHANGE
IN FRONT OF 20 PEOPLE.
OKAY. - NO, WE'RE GOOD.
- OW.
- DEALING WITH LYME DISEASE
WAS A HUGE LESSON
FOR OUR ENTIRE FAMILY.
IT REALLY SHOWED ME
WHO MY TRUE FRIENDS ARE.
AND BRANDI HAS BEEN THERE
FOR ME, AND KYLE HASN'T.
[camera shutter clicking]
- I THINK WE GOT IT.
[all cheering]
THAT WAS GORGEOUS. GREAT.
- THAT'S MY BABY.
- [laughs]
- BEAUTIFUL.
- WHOOPS. WATCH YOUR HEAD.
- THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHTY.
- YEAH, I KNOW YOU SAID
THE BOYS MAY RUN
UP AND DOWN THIS.
- MY LITTLE ANGELS
TERRORIZING SOMETHING?
- [laughs]
TA-DA!
- TA-DA.
- WELCOME HOME.
- [laughs] MAYBE.
HOPEFULLY.
- I THINK YOU'RE MAKING
THE RIGHT CHOICE
IF YOU DO THIS HOUSE...
I REALLY DO.
- BASICALLY I'M A WHITE VERSION
OF THE JEFFERSONS,
AND I'M MOVING ON UP.
COUCH, MAYBE CHAIR OR LOVESEAT,
MAYBE SOMETHING SMALLER
THAN WHAT I HAVE.
YOU KNOW HOW BIG MY...
- I THINK THAT'S NOT
GONNA FIT HERE, YEAH.
- YEAH. I GAVE MY HOUSEKEEPER
ALMOST EVERYTHING I OWN, SO...
- DID YOU?
- YEAH.
- LET'S GET YOU SOME FURNITURE.
- WE JUST HAVE OUR BEDROOM SETS,
AND THAT'S ABOUT IT.
SO I JUST... YOU KNOW,
I WANT TO START FRESH.
I WANT TO START NEW.
I WANT IT TO BE, LIKE, MY SPACE.
- THIS IS GONNA BE YOUR SPACE.
- I AM VERY BLESSED TO HAVE
A NUMBER ONE BEST-SELLING BOOK,
AND SO WE ARE LOOKING TO LEASE
A HOUSE
THAT'S A LITTLE MORE FANCY.
THE PROBLEM IS,
THERE'S ALL THESE WINDOWS,
AND I TEND TO WALK AROUND
WITHOUT MY CLOTHES ON,
AS YOU KNOW.
SO THAT MIGHT HAVE TO STOP.
- WELL, I THINK
YOU HAVE PRIVACY.
THERE'S NOBODY THAT LIVES
ACROSS THE STREET, SO...
- BUT WHAT IF SOMEONE'S
WALKING THEIR DOG?
- WELL, IF SOMEONE
WALKS THEIR DOG, THEN...
- YES.
- THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE
A GOOD MORNING, YEAH.
- I MET J.R. AT THE WHITE PARTY
AT KYLE'S HOUSE LAST YEAR.
MY BOYFRIEND'S HERE, BY THE WAY.
- OOH, WHAT'S YOUR BOYFRIEND?
- HE'S MY BOYFRIEND.
- A REAL BOYFRIEND?
- HE'S GOT, LIKE,
A SEXY GAP IN HIS TEETH
THAT I JUST WANT TO SUCK ON.
THERE WAS NO BATHROOM SEX,
AS EVERYONE THINKS.
SINCE THEN, YES,
THERE'S BEEN LOTS OF SEX
IN A LOT OF DIFFERENT PLACES.
MAMA'S GOT A BOYFRIEND.
DEFINITELY BEATS BEING HOMELESS.
- [laughs]
I WAS NEVER GONNA
LET YOU BE HOMELESS.
YOU KNOW THAT.
- OH, THE KIDS AND I ARE GONNA
MOVE INTO YOUR APARTMENT?
- [laughs] NO.
- WE ARGUE A LOT, AND THEN
WE HAVE REALLY GOOD MAKEUP SEX.
AND THAT'S J.R.
IS THERE ANYONE ELSE
THAT'S INTERESTED IN THIS HOUSE?
ARE THERE OTHER CONTENDERS?
- WELL, I WAS GONNA WAIT
TILL THE END, BUT, YES.
YOU HAVE TODAY
TO MAKE YOUR DECISION.
LISTEN, YOU DECIDE
IF YOU WANT IT,
WHICH, HOPEFULLY,
THE THINGS WE'VE SEEN...
I THINK YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT,
BUT IT'S UP TO YOU.
- I THINK I WANT IT.
I THINK I NEED TO HAVE IT.
- COME ON. IT'S TIME.
YOU JUST GOT TO MAKE A DECISION
'CAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE
MUCH TIME ANYMORE.
[both laugh] - I KNOW.
WELL, WILL YOU GET IT FOR ME?
- IF YOU WANT IT.
- I AM MAKING MY OWN MONEY NOW.
IT'S SO EMPOWERING, AND I JUST
FEEL LIKE I DON'T NEED
AND I WILL NEVER HAVE A MAN
PAY FOR THINGS FOR ME AGAIN.
- TELL ME YOU WANT IT,
AND I'LL GO GET IT.
- GET IT.
DON'T [bleep] IT UP. - NICE.
- I STILL WOULD LIKE
TO HAVE SEX WITH A MAN,
BUT I DON'T NEED A MAN
TO TAKE CARE OF ME.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO
GET YOU THIS HOUSE.
- YOU HAVE SOME WORK TO DO,
MY FRIEND.
- ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR,
FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT.
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR,
FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT.
ONE, TWO, THREE,
FOUR, FIVE, SIX...
WHOA.
- EASY NOW.
I'VE BEEN ASKED TO BE
ON DANCING WITH THE STARS.
I THINK, "WELL, THEY OBVIOUSLY
HAVEN'T SEEN ME DANCE."
IT'LL PROBABLY BE MORE LIKE
"DANCING ON MY ASS."
ARE YOU SURE
YOU WANT THAT IN THERE?
- WHERE YOU GONNA HAVE THAT?
- OH, GOD, MY FAMILY
ARE GONNA BE WATCHING.
I BEGGED DANCING WITH THE STARS
FOR A GAY DANCE PARTNER.
IT WOULD MAKE MY LIFE
SO MUCH EASIER.
IF I'VE GOT TO WRAP MY LEGS
AROUND SOMEBODY,
PLEASE, HELP ME, GOD, HE'S GAY.
AND THEN IN WALKS GLEB...
THIS STRAIGHT HUNK
OF BURNING LOVE.
- SEXY, LIKE YOU ENJOY IT.
- OH, SHUT UP.
- YEAH?
- WELL...
- AND...
- OKAY.
- [moans]
- STOP IT.
YOU'RE NOT MAKING NOISES
WHEN YOU'RE DOING IT.
THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE DANCING.
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE,
LIKE, CLINICAL, OKAY?
SO DON'T DO ANY FUNNY NOISES.
- READY?
- NO. NO FUNNY NOISES.
IT IS A LITTLE BIT STRANGE
FOR ME,
BEING SO KIND OF, UM,
PHYSICALLY ENTWINED
WITH SOMEBODY
OTHER THAN MY HUSBAND.
BUT I'M NOT COMPLAINING.
I'M GETTING USED TO IT
REAL QUICK.
- MORE SEXY.
I HAVE TO ENJOY... I HAVE...
- [moans]
- YES!
- [chuckles]
- DO IT AGAIN.
- [moans]
- OPEN YOUR ARMS.
WHOOM, BOOM, BOOM.
ONE, TWO.
BA, DA-DA.
ARCH. THAT'S MUCH MORE RELAXED.
- OH, YEAH, I FEEL
REALLY RELAXED.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
- COMING UP...
- I KNOW THE TRUTH, KIM KNOWS
IT, AND YOLANDA KNOWS THE TRUTH.
- OKAY, WELL, THEN YOU
DEAL WITH IT WITH HER.
- OKAY, WELL, JUST BEWARE.
- [sighs]
- HONEY BUNNY,
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAND?
- I DIDN'T TELL YOU?
- NO.
- I SLIPPED AND FELL
ON DOG PEE ON MY MARBLE.
- OH.
- [laughs]
- I KNOW... TORTURE.
BUSINESS IS GOING REALLY WELL,
BUT IT'S MUCH MORE WORK
THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.
I NEVER REALIZED HOW MUCH
RESPONSIBILITY THIS IS.
I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST GONNA BE
A LITTLE FUN THING ON THE SIDE.
DID WE GET
ANY OF THE NEW BOXES IN?
- YEAH, WE GOT A BIG ONE.
- YES. HUGE.
- WE DID?
- YES.
- IT SEEMS LIKE SO LONG AGO
THAT WE CHOSE THIS STUFF...
AND THEN IT FINALLY GETS HERE.
- NO, BUT I'M REALLY EXCITED.
- THAT'S WHY I THINK WE FORGET.
- OH, MY GOD!
- OH, MY GOD.
- ARE YOU DEAD? ARE YOU DEAD?
- DEAD.
- DYING.
- DEAD. DYING.
WHY IS THERE ONLY ONE?
THE CUSTOMER'S NOT GETTING ANY.
SOMETIMES I'LL BE IN THE STORE,
AND I FORGET THAT
I'M SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING.
CAN YOU IMAGINE ME
WEARING THESE?
- I LOVE IT.
- I'M GONNA SCARE MAURICIO.
- ON HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD.
[laughter]
- AND I'VE BEEN TRYING ON
CLOTHES,
AND CUSTOMERS ARE GRABBING
THE LAST SIZE THAT I WANT,
AND I'M LIKE,
"HEY, THAT'S MY SIZE."
AND THEN I REALIZE,
"OH, THAT'S RIGHT...
CUSTOMER FIRST."
- IS KYLE AVAILABLE AT ALL?
- SURE.
- THERE'S SOMEONE HERE
TO SEE ME?
- HI.
- HI.
- I'M ALEX.
- HI, ALEX.
- I'M WITH THE BEVERLY HILLS
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE.
- OH, HI. NICE TO MEET YOU.
- WE HAVE A MUTUAL FRIEND.
- WHO?
- ANDY.
- WIEDERHORN?
- ANDY WIEDERHORN.
- OH, YEAH,
HE'S ONE OF OUR BEST FRIENDS.
- SO I TALKED TO ANDY,
AND HE SAID,
"YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T THINK
KYLE IS A CHAMBER MEMBER YET."
- I'M NOT. AM I SUPPOSED TO BE?
- "YOU MIGHT WANT TO GIVE HER
A VISIT." I THINK SO.
- I DON'T EXACTLY KNOW
WHAT IT DOES.
- THE CHAMBER?
- IS THAT SILLY?
I'M SO EMBARRASSED.
- NO, IT'S NOT SILLY.
- COME SIT DOWN.
- CHAMBER OF COMMERCE IS...
THINK ABOUT IT AS A ONE-STOP
RESOURCE FOR BUSINESSES.
- OKAY, I LIKE THAT.
- BUSINESSES DEVELOP SYNERGIES
WITH EACH OTHER.
IF YOU CONNECTED
WITH AN ART GALLERY...
YOU KNOW, YOU COULD PROVIDE
AN INCREDIBLE SYNERGY
BETWEEN FASHION AND ART.
- DO WE VOTE ON THINGS?
- YEAH.
THAT'S ONLY ONE THING
THAT WE DO.
WE HAVE EVENTS
THROUGHOUT THE YEAR.
- I LOVE THAT.
- AND SOMETHING ELSE...
I WOULD ASSUME YOU'RE AWARE
THAT BEVERLY HILLS
IS CELEBRATING
ITS 100TH ANNIVERSARY NEXT YEAR.
- I AM AWARE OF THAT.
- IT'S GONNA BE HUGE.
- I'M ACTUALLY
BORN AND RAISED HERE, SO...
- OH, OKAY, COOL.
THE CHAMBER'S VERY INVOLVED
IN THE CENTENNIAL.
SO ONE MORE THING...
FOR A BUSINESS TO GET INVOLVED
WITH THE CHAMBER, YOU KNOW,
YOU FIND SOME EXTRA EXPOSURE
DURING THAT EXCITING TIME
OF THE CENTENNIAL.
- OH, THAT'S AMAZING.
I'M A NEW STORE.
I WANT TO SUCCEED.
SO IF JOINING THE BEVERLY HILLS
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE
IS GONNA HELP ME SUCCEED,
THEN I'M JOINING.
I MEAN, HELLO?
I'VE GOT BILLS TO PAY.
- IF YOU ARE OPEN TO IT...
- MM-HMM.
- WE COULD DO A LITTLE RECEPTION
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
- I WOULD LOVE TO DO THAT.
ABSOLUTELY. - AWESOME.
- I COULD THROW A PARTY FOR,
LIKE, 300 PEOPLE
IN 24 HOURS, SO...
- I BET YOU CAN.
- AND, YOU KNOW, MORE CUSTOMERS
MEANS MORE PINK JACKETS FOR ME.
I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME IN.
- THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.
- THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?
- OH, THAT MAN?
HE WAS FROM THE BEVERLY HILLS
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE. - OKAY.
- AND HE'S TRYING
TO GET ME TO JOIN.
SO NOW I TOLD HIM I WOULD DO
A LITTLE COCKTAIL PARTY
TO MEET
SOME OF THE OTHER PEOPLE,
WHICH WOULD BE GOOD
FOR BUSINESS.
- YEAH, I'M GOOD WITH THAT.
- OH, CHIC.
- MAYBE I'LL HAVE LISA...
ONE OF HER RESTAURANTS CATER IT.
- OKAY.
IS THAT A GOOD IDEA?
- WELL, IF I HAD HER...
YEAH, IT'S A STEP
IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.
SOMEONE HAS TO MAKE
THE FIRST MOVE,
AND I KNOW
IT'S NOT GONNA BE LISA.
I DON'T WANT TO KEEP
MAKING THIS EFFORT
AND FEELING HURT BY YOU.
- YOU WANT IT TO BE
THE SAME AS IT WAS.
BUT DON'T YOU REALIZE
THAT YOU KEEP SAYING THINGS?
"YOU'RE MANIPULATIVE.
YOU HOLD A GRUDGE."
- I THINK IT'S A NICE WAY
JUST TO SORT OF SAY,
"LET'S JUST PUT EVERYTHING
BEHIND US AND MOVE FORWARD."
- I THINK YOU REACH OUT
TO HER ENOUGH
AND A LOT.
- IT'S SO CUTE.
- WOW.
I LOVE THE COLOR.
- OH, THAT'S CUTE.
- HI. GOOD MORNING. HOW ARE YOU?
- HI. HOW ARE YOU? MORNING.
HI. NICE TO SEE YOU. WELCOME.
- YOLANDA.
- BRANDI. THANK YOU.
I GOT THE HOUSE,
AND IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME
TO MAKE IT FEEL LIKE A HOME
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE,
SO I'M GONNA GET IT TOGETHER
WHIPPETY-SNIPPETY SNAP.
[chuckles]
- I THINK IN YOUR BEDROOM,
YOU GOT TO PUT YOUR NIGHTSTANDS
A LITTLE HIGHER.
I THINK THE ONES YOU HAVE
ARE A LITTLE LOW.
YOU SEE HOW GREAT THAT IS?
- YEAH.
I GOT RID OF THE THINGS
THAT WERE...
MY LIFE WITH EDDIE.
THE ONE THING I STILL DO HAVE
IS MY STRIPPER POLE.
THAT WILL BE
AT EVERY HOUSE FOREVER.
- HOW MUCH IS THIS? I LOVE THIS.
- THIS TAG ALWAYS FALLS OFF.
- OH, IT'S FREE.
- IT'S FREE.
- YAY.
- EXACTLY. FOR YOU, IT'S FREE.
- I MEAN,
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL PIECE.
- HOW MUCH IS THIS?
- THE LEATHER, IT'S, UM...
$5,400.
- I'M MOVIN' ON UP,
BUT, I MEAN, CLEARLY...
I DON'T HAVE THE BUDGET
THAT YOLANDA OR LISA HAS,
BECAUSE THEY'RE RICH.
- HELLO?
- HELLO.
IT'S YOUR CATERER.
- OH, HELLO. HI...
- GIVE ME THAT MUFFIN.
- YOU TINY LITTLE THING, YOU.
YOU LOOK SO SMALL.
YOU'RE LIKE THE...
- I LOOK SO SMALL?
- INCREDIBLE SHRINKING WOMAN.
- OH, GOD.
IT'S THE DANCING.
IT'S KILLING ME.
- SO SKINNY.
- GIVE ME THE MUFFIN.
HOW IS EVERYTHING?
- THEY LOVE TO TRY TO ESCAPE.
- OH, MY GOD, SO BETWEEN
THE DANCING AND THE BUSINESS,
I'M JUST FAILING AT EVERYTHING.
I'M A LOUSY MOTHER RIGHT NOW,
A LOUSY WIFE, A LOUSY FRIEND.
I MEAN... JUST DON'T JUMP
ON THAT "LOUSY FRIEND" THING.
- [laughs]
- I SEE YOU GETTING EXCITED.
- I'VE ASKED LISA
TO HAVE SUR CATER MY PARTY
BECAUSE I REALLY WANT
TO GET PAST OUR PROBLEMS.
- SUR'S KIND OF
MORE ROCK AND ROLL.
I MEAN, IT'S KIND OF CASUAL,
AND YOU KNOW
WHAT THE STAFF ARE LIKE.
IT'S NOT GONNA BE THAT FORMAL.
IF YOU GOT
A FORMAL DINNER PARTY...
- NO, IT'S NOT FORMAL.
IT'S A COCKTAIL.
- ALL RIGHT, THIS HOT MESS
COMING OVER HERE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
THEY'RE YOUNG. THEY'RE FUN.
THEY COME OVER
IN THEIR LITTLE SHORT DRESSES.
- WELL, I LIKE FUN AND CUTE.
- OKAY.
OKAY, AS LONG AS YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE GETTING INTO.
NO, IT'LL BE FINE.
- AS LONG AS... THEY KNOW
HOW TO MIX DRINKS, RIGHT?
- WELL, CLEARLY THEY DO.
- [laughs]
- THEY MIGHT DRINK THEM ALL.
- AS LONG AS THEY CAN MIX
THE DRINKS AND SERVE THE FOOD
THAT YOUR PEOPLE PREPARE,
THEN WE'RE FINE.
- THEY MIGHT END UP IN THE POOL.
[laughs]
HOW MANY PEOPLE?
- MAX, 50.
40 TO 50.
- AND YOU'RE
ON THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE.
THAT IS THE FUNNIEST
BLOODY THING I'VE EVER HEARD.
I'M NOT INVOLVED
WITH THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE
IN BEVERLY HILLS.
I REALLY DON'T HAVE
THE TIME RIGHT NOW.
I JUST DON'T IMAGINE
KYLE BEING INVOLVED
IN THE KIND OF BUREAUCRACY
OF THE CITY,
BUT, OKAY, IF THEY NEED KYLE,
I GUESS...
[chuckles]
I GUESS
SHE'LL, UM, FILL A SPACE.
- HAVE YOU TALKED
TO ANYBODY ELSE?
- YOLANDA... YEAH, I MEAN,
I'VE SPOKEN TO HER.
- I HEAR
SHE'S REALLY SICK STILL.
- NO, NO,
SHE'S DOING MUCH BETTER.
- I MEAN, TO ME, HONESTLY,
I'VE NEVER HAD
AN ISSUE WITH HER.
WE'VE GOTTEN ALONG.
I'VE NEVER HAD AN ISSUE.
BUT TO ME, A LIE...
I CAN'T TOLERATE A LIE.
ONCE SOMEONE I KNOW IS A LIAR...
WHY DON'T YOU SAY WHAT YOU SAID
ABOUT LISA IN PARIS?
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- YOU SAID
SHE'S FULL OF [bleep].
- OH, MY GOD.
YOU'RE A LIAR. PLEASE.
- YOLANDA, YOU ARE A LIAR.
- COME ON, COME ON.
- DID YOU GET THE INVITE
FROM KYLE
FOR THE HUNDREDTH BIRTHDAY
OF BEVERLY HILLS PARTY?
- I SAW THE INVITATION,
BUT, YOU KNOW, I'M KIND OF...
I'M CONFUSED.
I MEAN, WHY WOULD I GO
TO SOMEBODY'S HOUSE
THAT JUST CALLED ME A LIAR?
I DO NOT LIE.
YOU KNOW, ONE OF MY BIGGEST
FAULT IS THAT I'M TOO STRAIGHT,
AND I TOO MUCH SAY AS IT IS.
- WELL, DO IT FOR THE HUNDREDTH
BIRTHDAY PARTY OF BEVERLY HILLS.
IT'S NOT ABOUT KYLE.
IT'S ABOUT BEVERLY HILLS.
- HONEY, I'VE JUST...
I'VE BEEN SICK FOR NINE MONTHS.
I JUST... YOU KNOW,
I'M JUST GETTING MY MOJO BACK.
DO I REALLY GO AND STAND AT
SOMEBODY'S HOUSE FOR SOME PARTY
THAT DOESN'T HAVE
GOOD INTENTIONS WITH ME?
I JUST DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
I REALLY DON'T HAVE ANY INTEREST
TO GO TO HER HOUSE.
I JUST NEED ACKNOWLEDGMENT
IN ORDER TO MOVE ON,
AND KYLE SEEMS TO LIVE HER LIFE
BY SWEEPING EVERYTHING
UNDER THE CARPET.
I'M EXPECTING A PHONE CALL
FROM HER.
YOU KNOW, WOULD YOU SEND
SOMEBODY AN INVITATION
AND NOT CALL AND SAY,
"HEY, CAN WE MOVE BEYOND THIS?"
- WHEN I LOOK AT YOLANDA,
EVER WOULD I ASSOCIATE HER
WITH BEING A LIAR?
NO. - RIGHT.
WELL, I DO...
BECAUSE I KNOW, AND SHE KNOWS.
THAT'S MY ISSUE WITH HER.
I KNOW THE TRUTH.
- OKAY, WELL, THEN...
- I KNOW THE TRUTH, KIM KNOWS
IT, AND YOLANDA KNOWS THE TRUTH.
- OKAY, WELL, THEN YOU DEAL
WITH IT WITH HER.
- OKAY. WELL, JUST BEWARE.
- [sighs]
- IT JUST...
YOU KNOW, I FEEL LIKE...
- SO I'VE SEEN
THE GOSSIP MAGAZINES.
I HAVE TO ASK YOU,
BECAUSE IT KEEPS SAYING,
AND I WONDER IF THEY'RE JUST
CONJURING UP BULL[bleep]...
"LISA ATTACKED ME LAST TIME."
- [groans]
- THAT'S NOT YOU
SAYING THAT, RIGHT?
- NO, NO.
- 'CAUSE I DIDN'T ATTACK YOU.
I MEAN, I'D LIKE TO. [laughs]
- NO, NO,
THIS IS ALWAYS WHAT HAPPENS.
AND I'M SO GLAD I HAD
SO MANY PEOPLE SITTING THERE.
THEY SAID,
"DID YOU FEEL ATTACKED?"
AND I SAID,
"WELL, YEAH, YOU KNOW, I DID.
I FELT ATTACKED, WELL, YEAH."
AND THEN IT COMES OUT,
"KYLE SLAMS LISA."
- WELL, I KEEP SEEING IT,
AND I DON'T KNOW.
- I KNOW. ME TOO, AND I'M LIKE,
"OH, MY GOD."
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA
TALK ABOUT THE OTHER RUMOR.
THERE'S A RUMOR ALL OVER
THE PLACE THAT I'M PREGNANT.
- BUT THERE'S ALL THESE
NASTY RUMORS ABOUT MAURICIO.
THERE'S ALL THIS...
YOU KNOW, AT WHAT POINT...
- IT'S TERRIBLE.
- WE CAN'T INVEST
IN ANY OF THEM.
THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF GOSSIP
IN THE TABLOIDS...
VICIOUS, NASTY STUFF,
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.
AND IT'S LIKE
THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM.
I DON'T FEEL I CAN IGNORE IT
WITH KYLE.
SO THE BEST THING TO DO, I FEEL,
IS TO HIT IT HEAD-ON.
OH, HERE HE IS. - OH.
- WHAT'S UP?
- HE'S COME HOME
TO IMPREGNATE YOU.
- HI, HONEY.
- TO IMPREGNATE HER?
- YEAH, THERE ARE RUMORS
OUT THERE THAT I'M PREGNANT.
- WELL, THERE'S SO MANY RUMORS,
BUT WE JUST TALKED ABOUT THAT.
- THAT WAS ONE OF THE RUMORS.
- YEAH.
ARE YOU TAKING PORTIA
OUT TO LUNCH?
- I'M GONNA TAKE HER
OUT TO LUNCH.
I'M GONNA TAKE HER
TO RUN MY ERRANDS WITH ME.
- OKAY.
- AND THEN I'M GONNA...
- THIS IS WHERE THE RUMOR COMES
THAT HE'S BEEN SEEN
WITH A YOUNGER WOMAN.
[chuckles]
- WHY WOULD YOU
JUST JOKE LIKE THAT?
THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
AND I DON'T WANT YOU TALKING
LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF MY CHILD.
WILL YOU STOP THAT? I'M SERIOUS.
- NO, RIGHT.
NO, BUT YOU'VE JUST GOT
TO CONFRONT IT, AND IT'S DONE.
- NO, I DON'T LIKE
THAT APPROACH.
I FEEL LIKE LISA
IS NOT DONE PUNISHING ME.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS BEGINNING
TO FEEL LIKE A GAME TO ME,
AND I DON'T WANT TO PLAY GAMES
WITH MY FRIENDS.
- COMING UP...
STOP, KINGSLEY.
WELL, KINGSLEY
NEEDS SOME TRAINING.
[dog yelps]
[dog panting]
[dogs panting]
- WHAT DO YOU HAVE
IN YOUR MOUTH?
WHAT IS THAT? LET ME HAVE THAT.
KINGSLEY!
LET ME SEE THAT. WHAT IS THAT?
LET ME HAVE IT.
KINGSLEY!
SIT DOWN.
LET ME HAVE THAT TOY.
I HAVE HAD KINGSLEY ONE YEAR.
AND KINGSLEY...
WELL, KINGSLEY
NEEDS SOME TRAINING.
COME... COME...
KINGSLEY!
IF I'M NOT PLAYING WITH HIM,
HE'LL GO GET ANYTHING OF MINE
AND JUST START CHEWING ON IT.
YOU NEED TO GIVE ME THAT
RIGHT NOW.
RIGHT NOW! DROP IT.
WHA...
KINGSLEY LOVES SHOES.
KINGSLEY LOVES MY CUSHIONS.
KINGSLEY LOVES MY SOFA.
KINGSLEY EATS EVERYTHING.
COME ON.
LET'S MAKE KIMBERLY'S BED...
SO IT'S PRETTY
WHEN SHE COMES HOME.
THIS IS A GREAT TIME FOR ME.
KIMBERLY WILL BE GRADUATING
FROM HIGH SCHOOL
AND TAKING HER NEW JOURNEY
OFF TO COLLEGE.
SO I'M VERY EXCITED FOR HER.
WOOF!
THIS IS NOT YOURS.
OH, YOU ALREADY
ATE A HOLE IN THIS?
AND YOU TOOK HIS EYES OFF.
KINGSLEY, WHAT AM I
GONNA DO WITH YOU?
MY KIDS ARE VENTURING OUT,
AND I HAVE THIS NEW PUPPY NOW,
WHICH I MUST SAY HAS FILLED
A HUGE VOID FOR ME.
NO, I'M GONNA MAKE THE BED.
STOP, KINGSLEY.
I STARTED WITH
THE BASIC TRAINING OF KINGSLEY.
YOU TAKE THAT END.
I'LL DO THIS END.
BUT HE'S GETTING BIGGER,
AND HE'S BECOMING, LIKE...
[scoffs] A LOT.
NO!
KINGSLEY.
DUDE, I'M ALMOST DONE.
KINGSLEY, YOU WANT THE BALL?
KINGSLEY, LOOK.
FIVE MORE MINUTES.
OH!
OH, MY GOD.
KINGSLEY, THIS TIME,
IT'S WAY UNDER THERE.
DON'T HURT ME.
AH!
LAST YEAR, WHEN I WAS RECOVERING
FROM HAVING MY NOSE DONE,
HE GOT A LITTLE OVEREXCITED
AND BUMPED INTO IT
AND RE-BROKE MY NOSE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN
YOU GOT HIT IN THE FACE?
- I GOT HIT IN THE FACE.
- BY WHO?
- MY DOG.
THERE'S JUST DAYS
I JUST, LIKE, THINK...
"I DON'T KNOW
IF I CAN HANDLE THIS."
KINGSLEY, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
WAIT, WAIT.
WAIT, WA... [laughs]
- PORTIA, CAN YOU PUT
YOUR LITTLE CAR AWAY?
- NO.
- EXCUSE ME.
MAYBE YOU WANT TO RETHINK
THAT ANSWER.
CAN YOU PLEASE
PUT YOUR CAR AWAY?
- OKAY.
- THANK YOU.
OH, MY GOD, I GOT TO CHANGE.
[girl shouts]
- I'VE SEEN BETTER.
- MY HOUSE IS MUCH NICER.
- AH!
[smooches] GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- GREAT TO SEE YOU.
- OOH, THAT LOOKS GOOD.
- BEAUTIFUL HOUSE.
- WHAT IS THAT?
- CHICKEN MEATBALLS.
IS THERE ANYWHERE
WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE?
- NOT SUPPOSED TO BE?
- IS THERE ANYWHERE... YEAH.
- OKAY, YEAH, AND, JAX,
YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTERS.
- THAT'S NOT A PROBLEM.
- [laughs]
EVEN IF I CAN'T NECESSARILY
COUNT ON THE SUR STAFF,
I KNOW THAT THE FOOD
WILL ALWAYS BE GOOD.
THAT'S NICE OF ME TO SAY...
CONSIDERING. [laughs]
I GET TO TEST NOW? - YOU DO.
- WHAT KIND OF PIZZA IS THAT?
- THIS IS GONNA BE
A PHILLY CHEESESTEAK PIZZA...
CARAMELIZED ONIONS,
FILET MIGNON,
YELLOW CHEDDAR-CHEESE SAUCE.
- UGH, GOD, I HOPE
THEY BEHAVE THEMSELVES.
I MEAN, NOT OUR FRIENDS...
WELL, OUR FRIENDS TOO,
BUT OUR STAFF. - [laughs]
- I DON'T REALLY THINK OF KYLE
AS A BUSINESSWOMAN.
CLEARLY, I THINK,
SHE LOVES FASHION,
AND THAT'S WHY SHE GOT
INTO OPENING THIS SHOP.
I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT SHE'LL BRING
TO THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE...
I GUESS WE'LL SEE.
- [gasps] HELLO.
- ARE YOU ALL READY, THEN?
- WHY ARE YOU SO DRESSED UP?
I SAID "JEANS."
- I DIDN'T GET THE MEMO.
- JUST KIDDING.
I'M NOT CHANGED YET.
COME IN QUICKLY. HURRY.
- WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
- I'M GONNA GO CHANGE RIGHT NOW.
- YOU LOOK BETTER
THAN YOU NORMALLY DO.
- OH, THANK YOU. YOU'RE SO NICE.
- AND SERIOUS.
- OKAY, I GOT TO GO CHANGE.
MAYBE YOU CAN GO KEEP AN EYE
ON YOUR STAFF.
- OH, GOD, ARE THEY MISBEHAVING?
- NOT YET, BUT ONE DID SAY
HE WISHED HE BROUGHT
HIS BATHING SUIT.
- HEY. HI. HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. AND YOU?
NICE TO SEE YOU. - GOOD.
- HONEY, I'M GONNA
GO AND CHANGE.
- HEY, DARLING. HOW ARE YOU?
- HOW YOU DOING?
- OW, MOTHER[bleep]!
THAT'S, LIKE, THE MOST
INTERESTING PART OF MY DAY.
- YOU NEED TO GET THIS MOVING.
ALL RIGHT,
WHAT COCKTAILS HAVE YOU GOT?
- THERE'S, LIKE, A SUR COSMO,
AND THERE'S THE CUCUMBER MARTINI
AND THEN THE MARGARITA.
- YOU HAVE THIS BULGE
IN THE WAY.
- NO, DON'T SAY THAT EITHER.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.
- JUST DON'T TALK.
AND I HAVE
TWO DIFFERENT SHOES ON.
DON'T LET ME WALK OUT LIKE THAT.
IT'S NOT THAT HARD. - [gasps]
- IF THAT MEANS
I GET TO GO HOME,
I WILL ACTUALLY
JUST CUT MY FINGER RIGHT NOW.
I'LL GET OVER IT.
- LOOKING HOT, BABY.
- THANK YOU, HONEY.
- I LOVE THAT.
- YOU DO?
- I LOVE THAT DRESS.
- OH, THEY'RE IN THE KITCHEN.
- OKAY, THERE'S ARIANA
AND KRISTEN IN HERE
AND JAX AND TOM OUTSIDE.
- YEAH, AND KRISTEN SAID
THAT'S NOT HAPPENING.
- WHY?
- SHE SAID NATHALIE TOLD HER
THAT SHE'S WORKING THE BAR
WITH TOM.
AND I SAID,
"WELL, LISA SAID YOU'RE NOT...
GIRLS INSIDE, GUYS OUTSIDE."
AND SHE SAID SHE'D RATHER
GO BACK TO HER SHIFT AT SUR.
- WHO? KRISTEN DID?
- I SAID, "THEN GO."
- YOU'RE WORKING
THE BAR OUTSIDE.
- YOU NEED ME OUTSIDE?
- YEAH.
- ALL RIGHT.
- NATHALIE SAID THAT
TOM AND I COULD BE INSIDE.
I DON'T WANT TO BARTEND IT.
- WELL, WHY...
YOU DON'T WORK WITH TOM,
LIKE, BARTEND WITH TOM.
- YES, WE DO.
- NO, NOT NOW, YOU DON'T.
NOT A COUPLE WORKING THE BAR
TOGETHER.
- SO WE'RE GONNA HAVE ME
INSIDE BY MYSELF AND JAX...
- NO, I DON'T WANT TO ARGUE
WITH YOU.
- IT'S FINE. WHO CARES?
- UGH, EXACTLY.
- I CARE. THAT'S WHY. I CARE.
- I DON'T WANT TOM AND KRISTEN
WORKING TOGETHER
ON THE SAME BAR.
THEY'RE ALWAYS BICKERING.
THEY HAVE A VERY
KIND OF VOLATILE RELATIONSHIP,
AND I DON'T WANT IT TO RIPPLE
OVER INTO KYLE'S PARTY.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH
OF YOUR ATTITUDE.
GO BACK TO SUR.
JEEZ.
- SO AM I GONNA WALK HOME?
- YEAH.
- WHATEVER.
- WHAT HAPPENED TO NATHALIE?
- KRISTEN,
YOU'RE NOT GOING HOME.
- ARE YOU REALLY?
- SHE TOLD ME TO LEAVE.
- I THOUGHT SHE WOULD
ACTUALLY BEHAVE TONIGHT.
- I'M SO SICK
OF THIS [bleep] BULL[bleep].
LIKE, IT'S PISSING ME OFF.
- KRISTEN.
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE OUT OF CONTROL HERE.
- YOU'RE BEING REALLY RUDE
TO ME RIGHT NOW, THOUGH.
- NO, I'M NOT BEING RUDE.
- I'M AN ADULT.
- I'M NOT RUDE TO YOU.
- YOU ARE.
AND WHEN I SAY HELLO TO YOU
OUT OF RESPECT
AND YOU ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME...
- NO, NO, NO.
- I'M A 30-YEAR-OLD WOMAN.
- BUT WE'RE NOT GONNA
TALK ABOUT THIS NOW, OKAY?
- I'M GONNA GO BACK TO WORK.
I HAVE TO CUT FRUIT.
- OKAY.
- IT'S BULL[bleep].
- SHE IS SO RUDE, SO IMPULSIVE.
- OF COURSE SHE IS.
- THIS IS A [bleep] JOKE.
- COMING UP...
- LOOK AT THE BACK.
ISN'T THAT HOT?
- SO I CAN UNZIP IT?
JUST DO IT LIKE THIS?
- YEAH,
BUT I DON'T HAVE UNDERWEAR ON.
- OH, THAT'S OKAY.
LET'S HAVE A LOOK.
- LISA!
- [laughs]
- ♪♪ DO, DO, DO ♪♪
OKAY.
TONIGHT'S
AN EXCITING NIGHT FOR ME
BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE
I'M A BUSINESSWOMAN.
TO BE A MEMBER
OF THE BEVERLY HILLS
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE NOW
AND OWNING THIS STORE
IN BEVERLY HILLS
IS SOMETHING THAT'S NEW TO ME.
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN JUST A MOM
AND A WIFE,
AND NOW I'M A STORE OWNER.
- I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU JUGGLE
TWO RESTAURANTS AND...
- I USED TO HAVE 26.
OH, YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW.
YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW MY LIFE.
WELL, LET ME GET MYSELF A DRINK.
[laughter]
AND THIS IS WHY I DRINK.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- GOOD TO SEE YOU.
THIS IS MY FRIEND MARK.
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?
WE'VE MET BEFORE.
YEAH. NICE TO SEE YOU.
NOW, YOU HAVE A...
- I HAVE A MAKEUP STUDIO
ON BEDFORD,
SO I'M YOUR NEIGHBOR.
- OH, YOU'RE RIGHT NEXT
TO MY STORE.
- RIGHT.
- SO WHAT'S GOING ON?
SO YOLANDA'S COMING?
- SHE'S COMING?
- IS SHE COMING?
- WELL, I SENT THE EMAIL.
AND THEN I CALLED HER
BECAUSE I FIGURED
SHE'S NOT GONNA FEEL COMFORTABLE
JUST FROM AN EMAIL,
BECAUSE WE STILL HAVEN'T, LIKE,
SPOKEN SINCE EVERYTHING, SO...
- YOU KNOW WHAT? LET IT GO.
I DON'T CARE,
AND IF I DON'T CARE...
- YOU LET IT GO... THAT'S THE
FUNNIEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD.
- NO, I DON'T CARE.
WHY IS THAT FUNNY?
- I THINK THAT LISA IS
A LITTLE INTIMIDATED BY YOLANDA.
AND I THINK THAT
SHE JUST THINKS IT'S EASIER
TO PRETEND THAT SHE THINKS
YOLANDA IS TELLING THE TRUTH.
- SO... OKAY.
NO, WHAT I'M SAYING TO YOU
IS IF IT'S ABOUT...
IF IT'S "SUPPOSEDLY"
ABOUT WHAT SHE SAID ABOUT ME
AND I DON'T CARE,
WHY NOT JUST LET IT GO?
- WELL, OBVIOUSLY, IT'S MORE
THAN THAT BECAUSE SHE LIED.
- NO, BUT...
- YOU'RE SAYING, "LET IT GO,"
BUT YOU NEVER LET GO
OF ANYTHING.
- I LET GO OF EVERYTHING.
- WELL, WITH ME,
YOU DIDN'T LET GO.
SO WHY ARE YOU
TELLING ME TO LET GO?
- OH, PLEASE, WELL, WHY AM I
EVEN HERE IF I DIDN'T LET IT GO?
- IT TAKES A LITTLE LONGER
THAN JUST... BOOM.
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.
I INVITED HER.
THAT WAS MY EFFORT I MADE.
- BUT SHE MAINTAINS
THAT SHE NEVER SAID IT.
THAT'S WHY SHE'S UPSET.
- WELL, YOU KNOW DAMN WELL
SHE SAID THAT.
IF YOU WANT TO BELIEVE HER
OVER ME,
WHEN I KNOW
AND EVERYONE ELSE KNOWS...
- MAYBE IT GOT LOST
IN TRANSLATION.
- LISTEN, I KNOW, KIM KNOWS,
YOLANDA KNOWS, AND GOD KNOWS.
- I'VE HAD A HISTORY WITH HER
AND HER FAMILY FOR YEARS.
- NO, YOU'VE HAD A HISTORY
WITH HER FAMILY...
NOT REALLY WITH HER.
- THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
- YOU'VE HAD A HISTORY
WITH ME MORE THAN HER.
- MOHAMED IS ONE
OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS.
- RIGHT, BUT NOT YOLANDA.
- YEAH... NO.
NO, I SAID WITH HER
AND HER FAMILY.
IT'S KYLE'S PERCEPTION
THAT HER AND I ARE CLOSER,
BUT I DON'T THINK
SHE'S HELPING MATTERS RIGHT NOW.
SHE'S TRYING TO GET ME
TO CHOOSE SIDES.
THERE ARE NO SIDES.
- OKAY, THAT'S FINE.
- THAT'S IT.
- IF YOU WANT TO DO THAT FOR
YOURSELF TO BE FRIENDS WITH HER,
GO AHEAD... THAT'S FINE.
- I AM FRIENDS WITH HER.
- SO NOW IT'S BETWEEN US.
- OKAY.
- RIGHT. THAT'S GOOD.
IT'S BETWEEN US.
- [sighs]
- IT FEELS LIKE
A SLAP IN THE FACE TO ME.
LISA KNOWS ME.
AND SHE KNOWS I'M NOT A LIAR.
- WE GIVE OUT AWARDS, ACTUALLY,
TO DIFFERENT BUSINESSES
WITHIN BEVERLY HILLS OR PEOPLE
WHO BELONG TO THE CHAMBER.
- WELL, IT'S THE BEST THING
THAT EVER HAPPENED
TO BEVERLY HILLS, THAT BUSINESS.
- IT'S A BELL PEPPER
ON CRISPY RICE.
- HEY, KIM.
- HI.
- HOW ARE YOU?
I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU FOREVER.
- FOR QUALITY CONTROL.
- HI.
HOW ARE YOU? - OH, MY GOSH.
YOU LOOK GORGEOUS.
- THANK YOU. SO DO YOU.
- THANK YOU.
- YOU LOOK GOOD.
- HEY. OH, I LOVE YOUR DRESS.
- THANK YOU.
I LOVE YOUR DRESS TOO.
- IT'S A KATHY HILTON DRESS.
- IT IS?
I LOVE IT. IT'S GORGEOUS.
- THANK YOU.
- DO WE RING THE BELL,
OR WE JUST WALK IN?
- HI.
- HI.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- HI. CARLTON GEBBIA.
- CARLTON?
- YEAH.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.
- HI, DAVID GEBBIA.
- DAVID, NICE TO MEET YOU.
COME ON IN. - THANK YOU.
- ARE YOU WITH THE BEVERLY HILLS
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE TOO?
- YES. STOCKCROSS.
- OH, OKAY.
WELL, COME ON IN.
SAY HI TO EVERYBODY.
NOW, I HAVE TO PUT IN
MY DISCLAIMER
BECAUSE I'M EMBARRASSED.
MY ROOM IS NOT DONE YET, SO
THE WOOD IS NOT STAINED, SO...
- WE'RE EASY.
- NO, I GET IT, THOUGH.
- OH, YOU'RE ENGLISH.
- YEAH.
- OH, YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL...
I LOVE YOUR ACCENT.
- I FIND BUSINESS COCKTAIL
PARTIES RATHER BORING,
BUT I CERTAINLY HAVE MET
SOME VERY INTERESTING PEOPLE.
- LISA, WE HAVE
A SIMILAR ACCENT IN THE HOUSE.
THIS IS MY FRIEND
LISA VANDERPUMP.
- HELLO. REALLY?
- CARLTON.
- CARLTON
AND HER HUSBAND, DAVID.
- WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
- WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
- SOUTH LONDON, GREENWICH.
- REALLY?
MAYBE TO AMERICANS
WE SOUND THE SAME.
TO ME, IT'S A LITTLE DIFFERENT.
GREENWICH... WELL, I WAS
BROUGHT UP IN DULWICH.
- ALL RIGHT.
- IT'S NEAR.
- I WAS BORN IN GUERNSEY,
THE CHANNEL ISLANDS.
- HER ACCENT'S NOT...
IT'S NOT THE SAME AS MINE.
- ANYWAY, I'LL WALK...
SHOW YOU OUTSIDE.
COME ON AND FOLLOW ME.
COME ON OUTSIDE.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.
- VERY GOOD TO MEET YOU.
- BYE.
SHE SEEMS NICE.
- THAT'S MY LITTLE ONE.
DO YOU GUYS HAVE KIDS?
- YEAH, THREE.
- YEAH, WE HAVE THREE.
- OH, YOU DO? HOW OLD ARE THEY?
- WELL, DESTINY'S GONNA BE 11
IN JUNE, THEN MYSTERI'S 9,
AND THEN OUR SON'S
GONNA BE 2 NEXT WEEK.
- WAIT. OH, MY GOSH,
YOU HAVE A LITTLE BABY.
- YEAH.
- WHAT'S HIS NAME?
- CROSS.
- I LOVE THOSE NAMES.
WHAT MADE YOU COME UP
WITH THOSE NAMES?
- UH, DESTINY, BECAUSE
WHEN I FIRST MET DAVID,
THAT WAS
WHAT HE REPRESENTED TO ME.
- AW, THAT'S SO CUTE.
- AND MYSTERI...
WE MET A CAB DRIVER IN HAWAII.
[laughter] - NO, NO, IT'S TRUE.
- HIS DAUGHTER, YEAH.
- AND THAT'S THE FATHER.
- EXACTLY, THAT'S THE FATHER.
- I'M JOKING, JUST JOKING.
- YEAH, IT WAS A LONG NIGHT.
YEAH, YEAH.
- MY WIFE ALWAYS GETS
THE HICCUPS FROM SPICY FOOD.
- [laughs]
IT'S SO FUNNY BECAUSE I...
- WHERE IS YOUR WIFE?
SHE DIDN'T MAKE IT TONIGHT?
- NO, NO, NO, NO.
SHE... SHE'S JAZZERCISING.
- NICE.
- OH.
- THAT'S FUN.
- [laughs]
- THIS IS THE LAST PLACE
I WANT TO BE TONIGHT,
BUT I SAID IF KYLE
WOULD CALL ME, I WOULD GO.
SO I KEPT MY PART OF THE DEAL.
- HELLO. GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- LOOK AT YOU.
HOW ARE YOU, LOVE?
- I LIKE THIS DRESS.
WHOSE IS THIS?
- VICTORIA BECKHAM.
LOOK AT THE BACK.
ISN'T THAT HOT?
- I LIKE IT. SO I CAN UNZIP IT?
JUST DO IT LIKE THIS?
- YEAH,
BUT I DON'T HAVE UNDERWEAR ON.
- OH, THAT'S OKAY.
LET'S HAVE A LOOK.
- LISA!
- [laughs]
- HER KIDS' NAMES ARE
DESTINY, MYSTERI, AND CROSS.
- OH, I LOVE IT.
- AREN'T THEY BEAUTIFUL NAMES?
- OH, WOW.
- WE'RE GOING TO SOCIALIZE.
THANK YOU.
WHERE ARE THE, UH...
- HAVE YOU SAID
HELLO TO KYLE OR NOT?
- NO, WE JUST WALKED IN.
- OKAY. ALL RIGHT. OKAY.
- YEAH, WAIT.
- YEAH, WAIT.
- IT'S A 5,000-SQUARE-FOOT
CLOSET,
WHICH IS NOT SAYING MUCH
IN BEVERLY HILLS,
'CAUSE EVERYONE SEEMS
TO HAVE ONE LIKE THAT.
- YOU NEVER KNOW IN THIS GROUP
WHEN YOU'RE GONNA NEED
SOME BRASS KNUCKLES.
- OH, LORD. HERE COMES...
- [laughs] WHAT?
- [sighs]
- HI, KIMMY!
- I GOT TO SAY HI REALLY QUICK.
- HELLO.
- HI, GIRLY.
HOW ARE YOU? - HEY, MAURICIO.
- HEY, YOLANDA. HOW ARE YOU?
IS DAVID HERE? - HOW ARE YOU?
NO, HE'S WORKING.
HE'S DOING A CHARITY.
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?
THIS IS THE WEIRDEST PARTY
I'VE EVER THROWN.
90% OF THE PEOPLE,
I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
HI, YOLANDA, HOW ARE YOU?
- HI, GIRLS. HI.
HOW ARE YOU?
- THANK YOU FOR COMING.
- THANK YOU FOR HAVING US.
- THANK YOU FOR COMING.
AND THE OTHER 10%
OF MY "FRIENDS,"
I'M NOT SO SURE
THEY'RE MY FRIENDS.
- JOYCE.
- HI, JOYCE. HOW ARE YOU?
NICE TO MEET YOU.
- I'M GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?
- WELCOME TO NOT MY PARTY,
BUT WELCOME.
- YEAH, THANK YOU.
- THANK YOU.
- YOU LOOK GORGEOUS.
- THANK YOU.
THESE ARE MY FRIENDS, LISA...
- HELLO. HI.
- I'M MICHAEL OHOVEN.
- AND BRANDI.
- MICHAEL, HELLO.
- HI, LISA.
- WAIT. DO YOU GO TO DR. LANCER?
BECAUSE I SWEAR
I'VE SEEN YOU IN THERE BEFORE.
- NO, BUT YOU KNOW
WHERE I'VE SEEN YOU?
AT JANELLE'S
BABY'S BIRTHDAY PARTY.
- OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
I'M LIKE, "WHY DO I KNOW YOU?
I KNOW THIS GIRL."
- I'M LIKE, "YOU KNOW
WHERE I'VE SEEN YOU ACTUALLY?"
- I THREW THE BABY SHOWER
FOR HER.
I'M LIKE, "I KNOW THIS GIRL
FOR SOME REASON."
- HONEY.
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?
- MIKE.
- HI. I'M KYLE.
- MICHAEL OHOVEN.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- HI, KYLE. I'M JOYCE.
THANKS FOR HAVING US.
- HI. NICE TO MEET YOU.
THANKS FOR COMING.
- THANK YOU.
- JOYCE IS FROM PUERTO RICO.
- OH, WOW. WE JUST CEL...
- PUERTO RICO.
- TU TAMBIEN HABLA?
DO YOU ALSO SPEAK SPANISH?
- [speaks Spanish]
- [speaks Spanish]
I'M A YOUNG GIRL
FROM PUERTO RICO,
BUT I LIVE IN BEVERLY HILLS NOW.
I'VE BEEN
A TWO-TIME MISS PUERTO RICO.
I WAS SECOND RUNNER-UP
IN THE MISS UNIVERSE.
I'M A TOTAL PAGEANT GIRL.
I LOVE BEAUTIFUL GIRLS.
[speaks Spanish]
- [speaks Spanish]
- I DO UNDERSTAND IF SHE'S
NOT TOO FAST WITH THE GIRLS.
THEN IT GETS REALLY TOUGH.
- IF I'M FAST,
HE KIND OF GETS LOST.
MY BABY'S A PRODUCER,
AND HE'S DONE FANTASTIC MOVIES.
I'M REALLY PROUD OF HIS WORK.
HE WAS NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR
FOR THE MOVIE CAPOTE.
[trills tongue]
- COUPLE OF MARGARITAS,
AND I'M BETTER, ACTUALLY.
- AND THEN IT'S BETTER.
- THEN I'M FLUENT,
REALLY FLUENT.
- BEAUTIFUL HAIR.
- SHE'S GORGEOUS.
- JOYCE IS CUTE AND FOR SURE
HAS BETTER HAIR THAN KYLE.
- KYLE, YOU HAVE
HAIR COMPETITION.
I'M SORRY, BUT THIS MIGHT...
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
- BE BETTER THAN YOUR HAIR.
- YOU HAVE STUNNING HAIR.
- I TOLD HER,
I'M ABOUT TO CHOP MINE OFF.
- I THINK YOU SHOULD DO
A COMMERCIAL FOR PANTENE.
- YES. [laughter]
- REALLY?
- NO, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
- LISA'S LITTLE DIGS
COME WITH A SMILE,
SO YOU THINK,
"OH, THAT WAS A JOKE."
AND THEN A LITTLE WHILE LATER,
YOU REALIZE,
"OKAY, THAT WAS AN INSULT."
- THESE ARE FABULOUS.
- TEQUILA?
- ARE YOU SURE?
- NO, NO TEQUILA.
- TEQUILA, THEN I BECOME WILD.
- ME TOO.
- YOU TOO?
- THAT'S WHY WE DRINK IT.
- CUTE TO SEE THE GIRLS
WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL HAIR...
THEY'RE, LIKE, HITTING IT OFF.
- ONE TEQUILA,
AND I'M, LIKE, DONE.
I'M A VERY CHEAP DATE.
- YOU'RE OKAY WITH KYLE,
THOUGH, YEAH?
IT'S OKAY? IT WAS OKAY.
- YEAH, I MEAN, TONIGHT IS NOT
THE NIGHT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
- NO, BUT IT WAS OKAY.
- IT'S FINE.
KYLE IS ABOUT KYLE.
WHATEVER WORKS FOR KYLE
IS HOW SHE'S GONNA MANEUVER
CERTAIN SITUATIONS.
AS OF NOW, WE'RE NOT GONNA
BE FRIENDS ANYTIME SOON.
- HOW FUNNY IS THAT CAKE?
- [laughs]
- CAN WE EAT IT?
- NO WAY! KIM!
- KYLE, I WANT A BITE.
- MAYBE WE CAN TAKE IT FROM
THE BACK WHERE NOBODY SEES IT.
- PEEL ME OFF SOME CHOCOLATE.
- [laughs]
- YOLANDA AND I NEED
TO HAVE A CONVERSATION.
HOWEVER, I KNOW THAT SHE LIED.
AND I HAVE A FEELING
THAT THIS WOMAN
IS NOT GONNA BACK DOWN
AND TELL THE TRUTH.
- STAY CLOSE.
- I KNOW.
- JOYCE, MICHAEL, I WANTED YOU
TO MEET CARLTON AND DAVID.
- HELLO. HI.
- HI.
- HI. I'M JOYCE.
- JOYCE AND MICHAEL.
- HI. DAVID. NICE TO MEET YOU.
- HI, DAVID. NICE TO MEET YOU.
- I'M MICHAEL.
- CARLTON.
- NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.
- ARE YOU GRABBING MY ASS?
- YEAH, I LIKE IT.
I'M JUST... I'M NOT USED TO IT
BEING SO TIGHT.
I LOVE IT. KEEP DANCING.
- DON'T TELL KEN.
- [clicks tongue]
- DON'T TELL KEN.
- KEEP DANCING.
- 11, 9, AND 2 NEXT WEEK.
SON IS GONNA BE 2 NEXT WEEK.
- HOLD ON. 11?
- SHE HAS A 2-YEAR-OLD.
- I HAVE A 2-YEAR-OLD...
- REALLY?
- BOY.
- I HAVE A 2-YEAR-OLD BOY
AND A 3-YEAR-OLD BOY.
- I WANT A 2-YEAR-OLD.
- OH, NO, HONEY, WE GOT...
- I WANT A 2-YEAR-OLD.
[laughter]
- YOU WANT ANOTHER ONE?
WHAT'S YOUR YOUNGEST AGAIN?
SORRY.
- HE'S GONNA BE, ACTUALLY,
2 NEXT WEEK.
YEAH, HE'S CROSS.
I MEAN, HIS NAME IS CROSS.
- YEAH?
- HE'S NOT CROSS.
- HOLD ON. CROSS?
- YEAH.
DESTINY AND MYSTERI. - WHOA.
THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE.
- DESTINY AND MYSTERI...
THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.
- THANK YOU.
- THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.
I LIKE THAT EVEN BETTER
THAN CROSS.
- I ALWAYS GIVE PEOPLE THE
BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT INITIALLY,
BUT MY THING IS DON'T [bleep]
WITH MY CHILDREN'S NAMES.
- THAT'S GREAT NAMES, ANYWAY.
- LOOK AT WHAT JUST HAPPENED.
- WHAT DID YOU DO?
- NO, UH...
I FORGOT HER NAME, BUT...
I KNOW HER, BUT SOMEBODY
JUST BUMPED INTO ME...
THE GUY... HER HUSBAND.
AND I HAVE STUFF ALL OVER ME.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
- YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
- THANK YOU.
- THIS IS VERY GOOD.
- YEAH, EVERYTHING'S
REALLY GOOD.
- I RUN INTO SCHEANA
ALL THE TIME.
I MEAN, THERE'S ALWAYS GONNA BE
A LITTLE HISTORY THERE.
I KNOW YOU WERE
[bleep] MY HUSBAND.
I GOT THAT. I GET THAT.
I MEAN, I FORGIVE 100%,
BUT I CAN'T FORGET.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR TOOTH?
- I HAD AN ACCIDENT,
KNOCKED MY TWO FRONT TEETH OUT.
- [gasps]
- I HAD A BAD INFECTION
IN THIS ONE.
- WOW.
- HAD TO HAVE IT EXTRACTED.
- 'CAUSE IT'S, LIKE,
GRAY OR SOMETHING, RIGHT?
- YEAH. SO IT'S JUST GLUED
TO THESE TWO RIGHT NOW.
- SO ARE YOU GONNA GET...
IS THAT PERMANENT?
- I HAVE TO HAVE AN IMPLANT.
- IS IT TEMPORARY?
- THIS IS TEMPORARY
UNTIL THE BONE HEALS.
- [grunts]
- YEAH.
- THAT SUCKS.
- I KNOW. IT'S BEEN TERRIBLE.
- SHE HAD, LIKE,
A GRAY AND PURPLE TOOTH.
AND SHE SAYS SHE FELL,
AND SHE KNOCKED HER TEETH OUT.
KARMA.
- LIKE, MOST PEOPLE
WOULDN'T MENTION IT,
BUT YOU WERE LIKE,
"WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR TEETH?"
- LISTEN, SHE USED
TO [bleep] MY HUSBAND,
I'M GONNA MENTION A GRAY TOOTH.
- [laughs]
- COMING UP...
- YOU LOVE ME.
- NO. NO, NO, NO.
THAT'S WISHFUL THINKING.
- [laughs]
LISA IS PETTING MY HEAD
LIKE I'M A DOG OR SOMETHING.
SO CONDESCENDING.
- I DON'T KNOW
IF I SHOULD ADMIT IT RIGHT NOW,
BUT I ACTUALLY
DID DO A PORNO MOVIE.
- YOU DID A PORNO?
- YEAH.
IT WAS CALLED, UH...
- LET ME SEE IF I RECOGNIZE YOU.
- NOT CHARLIE'S ANGELS XXX.
- [laughs]
- AND I PLAYED
THE LEAD ROLE IN IT.
BUT SERIOUSLY, I DID IT.
IT WAS A VOICE-OVER THING
I DID YEARS AGO.
- THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY.
ISN'T THAT WHAT LISA SAID TOO?
- I CAN TELL.
- [laughs]
- APPARENTLY, LISA
HAS DONE SOME MOVIES
WHERE SHE SHOWED A LITTLE SKIN.
LISA SAID...
[British accent] "OH, PLEASE.
IT WAS 3/4 OF A NIPPLE."
WELL, 3/4 OF A NIPPLE,
WHOOP DE DOO.
- I HEARD ABOUT THAT...
- [laughs]
- LISA'S LITTLE NIPPLE ACTION.
[both laugh]
- I WAS SHOCKED THAT KYLE
WOULD START TALKING
ABOUT LISA AND HER NIPPLES.
I JUST THOUGHT
IT WAS REALLY DISTASTEFUL.
- LISTEN,
EVERY HOME VIDEO SHOWS MORE.
THAT'S FINE.
- YEAH, WHAT DO WE CARE?
- DOESN'T COUNT.
- WELL, MAYBE IN YOUR HOUSE.
- [laughs] FOR SURE.
- FOR SURE.
- FOR SURE IN MY HOUSE.
[laughter]
- OH, WE WENT TO VEGAS
FOR HIS BIRTHDAY.
- OH, NICE.
- YEAH, WE HAD
ONE NIGHT OF DEBAUCHERY,
AND THAT WAS ABOUT IT.
- I CAN ONLY DO VEGAS
FOR ONE NIGHT, LIKE, HARD.
- PROPERLY.
- DO YOUR ACCENTS SOUND
THE SAME TO YOU OR DIFFERENT?
- DIFFERENT.
- THEY DO?
- DON'T THEY
SOUND DIFFERENT TO YOU?
- [British accent]
I'VE ONLY PERFECTED YOURS.
[laughs] - CLEARLY YOU HAVEN'T.
TWO PEOPLE YOU CAN TAKE
THE PISS OUT OF NOW.
- OH, BELIEVE ME, I WILL.
I LOVE IT.
- AND GET YOURSELF
IN BIG TROUBLE.
YOU HAVEN'T PERFECTED MINE.
- I CAN DO YOLANDA TOO.
- I DON'T THINK SO.
- [imitating Yolanda]
MY HUSBAND'S A GENIUS.
[laughs]
- THAT'S NOTHING LIKE IT.
- [laughs]
- THAT IS NOTHING LIKE IT.
IF I HELD A GRUDGE,
I WOULDN'T BE AT KYLE'S PARTY.
BUT YOU HAVE TO SHOW YOLANDA
YOU HAVE THE COURAGE
OF YOUR CONVICTIONS.
- OH, I'LL TELL HER ONE NIGHT
WHEN SHE HAS A PERSONALITY
AND WILL LAUGH.
[laughs] - OH!
IF I HELD A GRUDGE,
I WOULDN'T CALL HER.
I WOULDN'T SOMETIMES
HAVE LUNCH WITH HER.
HOLDING A GRUDGE IS CUTTING
SOMEBODY OUT OF YOUR LIFE.
I HAVEN'T DONE THAT.
- EVERYTHING'S
SO DIFFERENT LATELY.
RIGHT? - I KNOW.
NOW YOU'RE WISHING
YOU'D STAYED BEST FRIENDS
WITH ME, AREN'T YOU?
- [laughs]
- NOW YOU'RE REGRETTING IT,
AREN'T YOU?
- OH, YOU MISS ME, LISA.
LOOK HOW YOU'RE PETTING ME.
- YOU MISS ME.
- LOOK HOW YOU'RE PETTING ME.
- YOU MISS ME.
- YOU LOVE ME.
- NO. NO, NO, NO.
THAT'S WISHFUL THINKING.
- [laughs]
LISA IS PETTING MY HEAD
LIKE I'M A DOG OR SOMETHING.
SO CONDESCENDING.
OF COURSE, SHE'S DOING IT
WITH A SMILE,
LIKE SHE'S JOKING,
BUT I KNOW SHE'S NOT.
- IT'S COLD.
- THIS SEASON ON THE REAL
HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...
- READY?
- THIS IS THE SIDE
YOU DON'T SEE.
- ON THE GROUND. YEAH, KIM!
AAH! - THE POLICE ARE COMING!
- DAVID FOSTER.
- OH, GOD, I REALLY DON'T LIKE
THAT SPOT YOU JUST WENT ON.
KINGSLEY! KINGSLEY! - OH! OH!
- WOULD IT BE WRONG
TO HAVE PUPPY SEX?
- LOOK AT YOU.
- BACK TO WORK.
- I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE
FAINT SO PRETTY.
- [sighs]
[thud] [laughs]
- WE CAN'T FIND CHICA.
- WHAT THE [bleep]
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- SHE LOOKS LIKE
A LITTLE BROKEN BIRD.
- IT'S GONNA BE PERFECT, OKAY?
I'LL SEE YOU IN RECOVERY.
- I HAVE NEVER SUFFERED
THIS DEEPLY IN MY LIFE.
- KYLE, THERE IS THAT STORY
ABOUT MAURICIO CHEATING
AND WHATNOT.
- A LOT OF TIMES,
THESE STORIES COME OUT AND...
- YOU'RE SAYING
THERE'S NO SMOKE WITHOUT FIRE.
- EXACTLY.
- I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S TRUE.
I REALLY DON'T.
- [voice breaking]
[bleep] ALL OF YOU.
- I LOOK THE PART,
BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
- JOYCE IS BEAUTIFUL AND BUBBLY,
BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO BE
ON HER BAD SIDE.
[gunshot] - BAM!
AY, DIOS MIO!
[all cheering]
- AAH!
- CARLTON IS A BADASS.
OOH, MY GOD.
SHE'S HOT. I LIKE HER.
- YES, I'M A WITCH.
- BUT SPELLS ONLY GET TO YOU
IF YOU BELIEVE IN IT.
- [bleep] YOU.
WHEN YOU GO HOME TONIGHT,
WATCH OUT.
- GIVE IT TO ME NOW.
- I'M GETTING DRUNK-ISH.
- I CAN ALREADY SEE BRANDI
GOING TO THE DARK SIDE.
- JOYCE IS A BIG, FAT PIG.
IF I WAS A BULLY,
I WOULD HAVE KNOCKED
YOUR [bleep] TEETH OUT BY NOW.
- DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK
THAT SHE IS, LIKE,
BLACKMAILING MAURICIO AND KYLE?
- EVERYBODY KNOWS
IT'S A [bleep] LIE.
AND THAT'S BULL[bleep].
- WE ARE ALL HER PUPPETS.
- I THOUGHT
YOU JUST NEEDED REHAB,
BUT OBVIOUSLY IT'S JUST YOU.
- SHUT THE [bleep] UP.
- YOU'RE SO STUPID.
- WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE
TO CALL ME STUPID?
- YOU'RE A BIG,
STUBBORN OLD MAN.
- WHY DO I HAVE
TO EXPLAIN MYSELF?
- YOU DON'T.
- I'VE BEEN SUCH A GOOD FRIEND
TO BRANDI.
SOMETIMES, SOME THINGS
SHE'S DONE HAVE BEEN VICIOUS.
- IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE
JUDGED FOR BEING A WICCAN,
THEN DON'T ACT LIKE A WITCH.
- YOU DON'T [bleep] DARE
COMMAND ME!
- I KNOW YOU'RE THE CHESS PLAYER
OF ALL TIME,
BUT I JUST [bleep]
CHECKMATED YOU, BITCH.
- TO LEARN MORE
ABOUT THE HOUSEWIVES,