The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 3, Episode 11 - Stars and Strips - full transcript

NARRATOR: Previously
on "The Real Housewives

of Beverly Hills..."

I miss my husband.

I'm not used to working
out without him.

I always want to stay on
the tip of my toe to be

in the best shape I can be.

I want to be married
to him longer

than any of his ex-wives.

Brandi, what really did go
down between you and Adrienne?

BRANDI GLANVILLE:
Adrienne thought

that I was her little
whipping girl, but guess what?



I'm not your puppet, bitch.

I flat out told her that she
was completely out of line.

She got very upset with me.

You deserve all of that.

Shut the [BLEEP] up!

Hey, Kyle.

You know Mauricio and I
had an issue the last time

we saw each other.

And I just want to know
that moving forward we're

in a good place.

My allegiance is, of
course, to Adrienne,

but I have been working on
my friendship with Brandi.

It's a balancing act.

You know what?



Don't worry.

I really don't hold a grudge.

I have a little
Vegas trip coming up.

And I would love
for you to come.

And I know that you're
probably weary about spending

a couple days with me.

We don't want to come.

LISA VANDERPUMP: Life isn't
all diamonds and rosé,

but it should be.

BRANDI GLANVILLE: Money
doesn't give you class.

It just gives you money.

ADRIENNE MALOOF:
Know your friends.

Show your enemies the door.

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG: I fought
too hard for this zip code

to go home now.

YOLANDA FOSTER: I like to have
fun, but I don't play games.

KIM RICHARDS: Life is a journey.

And I'm finding
myself every day.

KYLE RICHARDS: I'm born and
raised in Beverly Hills.

This is my town.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

It's really important for me
to live a healthy lifestyle.

In Beverly Hills, ageing is
a huge thing for the women.

They shoot up their
face with Botox,

and, you know, pull the face.

And they don't look any younger.

They just look more pulled.

So why not embrace ageing?

Let's just hold
onto it gracefully.

Hi.

Hi, honey.

How are you?

Good to see you.

My beautiful friend.

How are you?

You look so gorgeous.

Look at yourself.

I've known Suzanne Somers
for about six years.

And I've heard about
"Three's Company,"

but I've never seen the show.

How is everything?

Great.

You see, that's the
great thing about you.

You always say great.

I see the glass half full.

I just am always in a
state of feeling uplifted.

And I think that's why.

Let's go in and
learn about hormones.

Come on.

My hormones are raging.

Hey, girls.

You're here.

And on time!

Yeah.

Oh, my god.

That is great.

It wasn't me that was
late that time, remember?

Hi, darling.

I'm teasing.

How are you?

Girls, I wanted
you to meet Suzanne.

Hello, how are you?

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

Nice to see you.

How are you?

Nice to see you too.

Would you like... you guys
like a real European Bellini?

Yeah, absolutely.

I made the peaches
myself this morning.

Here I am having
lunch with Lisa,

Yolanda, and Chrissy Snow.

Cheers, girls.

Cheers.

Who's Chrissy Snow?

Cheers.

Thanks.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Look at this.

Oh, my goodness.

It's a little chilly...
It's a little chilly today.

It's Maliby.

It's fabulous.

I hope you all like chicken.

I made my favourite...

Did you make this?

Yes, I made my favourite salad.

Great.

Yum.

All the yummy things.

And beautiful.

She has a sense of
aesthetics that is just

beyond what most people have.

Oh, you're so cute.

No, it's true.

The greatest event
I ever went to

was her wedding, walking
from tent to tent.

And just when you think
Botticelli is the big thing,

you look behind you,
and it's Mohamed Ali.

Anyway, enough about me.

I just wanted you
guys all to meet,

and I thought it'd be fun.

I am actually a very big
fan of Suzanne Somers' books.

I'm interested in the
topic she talks about.

She says, basically, that
if you eat the right foods,

you take the right vitamins,
that you can live forever.

I just never thought
at my age that I

could feel this good or...

Look this good.

Look at her.

She's better than ever.

[LAUGHS] Well, I do this a lot.

- That's all anti...
- I do these.

WOMAN: Oh, Lord.
- ... anti-ageing?

No, but I couldn't
take 40 pills a day.

I plan to live to be 110.

Yay!

I honestly do.

Me, too!

LISA VANDERPUMP (VOICEOVER):
There's no way I can swallow

that many pills in one day.

I'm not good at swallowing
things... just ask my husband.

If your brain is working,
and you've got energy...

And you're sexual, and there's
nothing wrong with you...

You want to be sexual at 110?

Yes.

Oh, good Lord.

KIM RICHARDS: Yeah,
there's a new way to age.

My grandmother lived
till she was 100.

But the thought of having sex?
KIM RICHARDS: Well, but that's...

[LAUGHS]

I think... [INAUDIBLE].

Nobody wants to think of
their grandmother having sex.

You need hormone
replacement, Lisa.

I do not need h...

I'm running perfectly.

I've always felt like...

Yeah, you have a high sex drive?

I don't know.

Compared to?

CAST MEMBER: Come on...
Tell us the truth.

[STUTTERS INCOHERENTLY]

It's working, guys.

If it ain't broken,
don't try and fix it.

I don't even know.

I wouldn't even know.

I don't have any symptoms.

Oh, come on, Lisa.

You better get some
of those pills, Lisa.

LISA VANDERPUMP: Give
me the whole bag.

[LAUGHTER]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

BRANDI GLANVILLE (VOICEOVER):
I was asked to host

Brandi's Night School 4 Girls...

Stripper classes and
burlesque classes...

Party party.

Hi!

- I'm Brandi [INAUDIBLE].
- [INAUDIBLE]

So nice to meet you.

Wow, you are tall and beautiful.

Aw, thank you. I'm so excited!

Yeah, so.

All right, let me get naked.

Yeah, get naked.

BRANDI GLANVILLE (VOICEOVER):
I was never a stripper,

but my ex-husband bought
me a pole for our bedroom...

Trying to save the marriage
at the stripper pole.

So stupid.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

So I'm doing these
things in Vegas,

and I'm doing these parties.

And part of the parties
are pole dancing.

And I'm thinking... they
have, like, Las Vegas

people teaching the classes.

Absolutely.

But I want to
not be an [BLEEP]..

I want to be able to do
a little bit of stuff.

TEACHER: Yeah.

Like, show me a couple moves
today that'll be like, oh, I

bet she's a freak behind doors.

TEACHER: Yeah.

And then really not.

I just want to look
good, but I really need

to have a little bit of sass.

TEACHER: [INAUDIBLE]

You know?

BRANDI GLANVILLE (VOICEOVER):
It is my first time

I'm going to be kind of
financially independent,

so I have to do things that
are going to make me be OK.

So this came along,
and I said yes.

Well, let's get warmed up.
BRANDI GLANVILLE: OK.

Because the first thing
you have to do is you

got to get your sexy on, and
you got to get your body moving.

And when the female body
moves into the integrity

of her body... oh, there's
nothing more beautiful.

OK, first thing I
want you to do...

Look at how I'm rippling.

I'm taking my back,
and I'm concaving it...

Yes!

Stretch it like a kitty
cat, and then inhale...

Come forward all the way.

Lift those gorgeous curves...

Beautiful.

Lift your face up, Brandi, and
then come around to the left...

A big, slow, yummy circle.

And then exhale
all the way back.

So like... I love
that... let your leg

lift... let everything ripple.

You should just move like...

Hilarious.

[LAUGHS]

When you give your body
over to the pole, boom!

It just shows off the
beauty of your body.

I want a pole to give my
body over to, like a real one.

Yes!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Whatever!

BRANDI GLANVILLE
(VOICEOVER): I think that

by inviting the girls to Vegas
and showing them a fun time,

like, I want to show them
all the sides of Brandi.

What!

Hello, merry Christmas!

I am fun, but I can also be
sophisticated at the same time.

I definitely let all
of my inhibitions go.

Hip out... yeah!

OK.

OK, suckers.

Now, that's going to be killer.

I found my mojo...

A little.

Look at that!

Yes!

Wow!

That was hot!

Yo-ho!

We're done!

Thank you again!

Super super fun.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Everybody come downstairs!

Sophia?

I'm already down here!

Oh, OK... Alexia?

KYLE RICHARDS (VOICEOVER):
Today is Sophia's sixth grade

graduation, and
we're celebrating

with family and friends.

I'm so proud of her.

She's growing so fast, and next
year's already her bat mitzvah.

How cute is this?

That's beautiful.

KYLE RICHARDS: Auntie Faye!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[KNOCKING]

Hello!

Yay!

You made it.

Oh, my Gosh.

Mmm.

CAST MEMBER (VOICEOVER): I do
need support from my friends,

and a few have reached out.

Come on in and grab plate.

Where's the girl?

CAST MEMBER (VOICEOVER):
Kyle and Mauricio...

Faye... Camille and Kim
have been very supportive.

I wouldn't expect Lisa to, and
I wouldn't expect Brandi to.

Hi!

Sit next to Adrienne.

Hi, pretty.

Hi, [INAUDIBLE]!

How are you?

I miss you!

The situation with
Brandi and Adrienne

is just hanging over all of us.

You want chicken?

Here... this piece...

I got it.

OK, just p...

I got it.

Jesus, here we go again.

Even if we're not
talking about it,

it's just there
lurking in the corner.

I wouldn't mind being on a
deserted island at this point.

Why do we want a vacation?

Don't we know anyone who owns
an island, for God's sake?

We do know somebody
who owns an island.

That's what she said.

I knew you were
going to say that.

Richard Branson... but
his house just burned down.

Farrah's father... we
could use his house in Bali.

It's beautiful... huge.

Where's your sisters?

[SIGHS]

I though you said...

They were supposed to be here.

Kim couldn't end up coming,
'cause Chad got sick.

And she had to take care of him.

And then Kathy...

I don't know.

She hurt her tooth or something.

Thank you, by the way.

I wanted to tell you that.

Well, I told him that
you were very defensive

and had their back.

From what I've seen
from you, Brandi, is a lot

of really cruel behaviour.

And I think you
viciously attack people.

I don't viciously attack people.

FAYE RESNICK: Well, you do

I don't attack people
viciously for no reason.

I come back at you.

Some people stab
you in the heart

and then say, oh, I'm so sorry.

KYLE RICHARDS: Yeah.

Did that hurt?

Well, Faye was on
fire at that dinner.

When Faye is on fire,
she's at her best.

Because it means that she
really believes in something.

Well, Faye is a
passionate person,

and she gets very defensive
when she cares about somebody.

No, when she believes in...

KYLE RICHARDS
(VOICEOVER): Saying

negative things about
someone affects them

in all areas of their life.

Not only that, though... this
is a private family matter

that nobody should know about.

It's nobody's business.

When you see somebody
that you care for attacked,

of course you can't let that go
on if you're a caring person.

PAUL NASSIF (VOICEOVER):
Faye did what was right.

I'm glad that Brandi
heard a mouthful.

I mean, you know what?

Hey, it happens.

That's too bad.

Just deal with it
like we have to.

I'm happy to see
you feeling better.

Let's go, my darling.

Thanks.

[KISSES] I love you guys.

Thanks for everything.

KYLE RICHARDS
(VOICEOVER): Adrienne

and Paul have to leave early.

It's actually fine, because
of course, the fight came up

and Brandi again, and this
isn't about Brandi today.

It's about Sophia.

KYLE RICHARDS: Bye, guys!

I'll see you later.

NARRATOR: Coming up.

Darling, you don't need
lessons at pole dancing.

Yeah, there's life in
the old dog, yet, right?

Exactly.

But save it for me.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Can everyone come
in the living room?

[INAUDIBLE] come in here.

Honey?

Sophia?

We're all going to go in the
living room for a minute.

Let's go in the
living room, guys.

OK.

Anyway, we all
obviously are here to...

Well, where's my dad?

Oh, here he is.

KYLE RICHARDS: There's your dad.

Everybody's here.

Anyway, we all are
celebrating Sofia today, who

graduated elementary school.

She's been going to the same
schools since she was a baby...

As far back as you can remember.

And I know that you have
a lot of exciting times

coming up at your new school,
and you're a big girl now.

And I love you.

I love you so much.

[KISSES]

I love you, too.

GUEST: Yay! [CLAPPING]

GUEST: Good luck to you, Sophia.

My kids are just
growing so quickly,

and I really want to
enjoy every moment.

You know, it really touches
me from the bottom of my heart,

and I get very emotional to
see my grandchildren grow

and graduate and be
such fine individuals.

Not everybody has the fortune
to have their grandparents,

and I want you to know
that I so much appreciate

seeing all of you guys.

Congratulations, and please
continue the good work.

Thank you.

I love you.

And speaking of grandparents...

[GUESTS EXPRESS SYMPATHY]

(CHOKING BACK TEARS) Even
though my mum and dad aren't

here today, they are in spirit.

And my mum and dad would
be so proud of you.

Thank you for coming, everybody.

I appreciate it.

MAURICIO UMANSKY (VOICEOVER):
Sophia is a princess.

To watch my daughter,
who has just grown up

to be such an unbelievable girl,
graduate from the same school

that I graduated
from... there's going

to be tremendous excitement.

She's the best.

GUEST: Yay.

GUEST: Good luck to you, Sophia.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

KIM RICHARDS: So excites
I finally get to,

like, hang pictures
in my own house again.

So this is Kimberly.

If we don't put this
in the hallway...

Let's get a little
stack of Kimberly.

Kimberly... Whitney...

Whitney... mmm, my Brookie.

Oh, my gosh.

Look at Brooke.

MILTON: Mmm.

Look at Brooke.

Is that a face?

Beautiful.

KIM RICHARDS: I know, right?

Just like Mum.

Do you think she looks like me?

She looks beautiful.

KIM RICHARDS (VOICEOVER): I
look at myself in the mirror

sometimes, and I feel like
there's all these changes going

on inside my body...
And in and outside

and all around my
life... and I've decided

I'm going to do my nose.

The second row here...
We'll start with this.

Yeah.

And we're going to
start the rest, right?

You want me put
that right there?

We'll start that in the centre.

I took a friend
for a consultation

to Dr. Grigoryants,
and while I was there,

I said, hey, I'm glad kind
of the mood to do something.

And he said, well,
what do you want to do?

And I said, what about this?

And he said, I just...

I can't.

Really, you're flattering me.

But don't.

Really... I'm old.

And he said, you are not old!

And I said, could
you do something?

What about just the eyes?

And he said, I really can't.

It's not right.

And it's... mmm.

What about my nose?

And he said, your
nose, I could do.

[INAUDIBLE] look
what a ham she is.

She was always [INAUDIBLE].

All my kids are hams.

Jeez, what did I do?

And I'm like, hmm,
OK, nose got to go.

I don't know about this.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[KNOCKING]

- Hello!
- Hello!

- How are you?
- I'm good.

And you? - Ugh!

It's good to see you again.

You, too.

I'm so glad you're here.

I need help packing desperately.

OK, well, you know me.

I love clothes.

BRANDI GLANVILLE: I'm
just trying to figure

out what I'm taking for Vegas.

This is cute, right?

For a cover-up?

I do like that.

And this is a really
cute cover-up up, too.

So what do you ladies have
on the itinerary for Vegas?

We're going to eat
and drink and pole dance

and have sex with strange men.

No, I'm kidding.

I just have to practise
hosting this event,

which I've never done before.

So I don't really know
what I have in store.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Oh, these could be cute...

My sober pants.

Remember your scallop skirt?

Yes!

At least I've never
changed since I was 19.

I'm still a hoochie.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

You want to come help me pack?

OK.

I'll help you pack, but
I want to be able to go

through your closet for once.

And I want to throw
some things away.

Will you let me do it?

What?

Please don't take this.

This is hideous.

It's absolutely hideous.

- You're crazy.
- Look at this.

It's cute.

GAYLE LINER: It looks
like Mother Hubbard.

No, stop.

Honey, please don't take it.

It's really awful.

You look like somebody from,
like, out in the boondocks.

MARISA ZANUCK: Oh, my God.

That's a boondock type of dress.

Tell me how much it was.

No.

Oh, my God. $20 is
more than it's worth.

$20?

It was like 600.

I could find that in a
secondhand store for you

for 10.

I like it.

Oh, honey, I swear
to you it's ugly.

LISA VANDERPUMP: Shall I take
my thong and my high heels

for a little pole dancing?

Darling, you don't need
lessons at pole dancing.

Could show them
all a thing or two.

I probably could, actually.

There's life in the
old dog yet, right?

Exactly.

But save it for me.

LISA VANDERPUMP
(VOICEOVER): I do not

want to wrap my legs
around anything in Vegas...

Not a Chipmunk or a pole.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

Brandi's, like,
practicing on us...

Hosting something
about empowering women.

I don't understand
empowering women.

What's that mean?

I think it's got something
to do with... wait for it...

Stripping.

If it involves
stripping, I don't think

you should go anywhere near it.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Mum, you don't
like anything cool.

You only like that.

I know, I know.

Well.

I mean, you've had the
same style for 30 years.

I know, and I wear my hair
the same way for 30 years.

- Yeah, I know.
- But you know what?

But you got to
branch a little bit.

People give me compliments,
and they love my hair.

Why would I change my hair?

MARISA ZANUCK: Mum, we know.

GAYLE LINER: Oh, what
hotel are you staying at?

We're staying at
the Four Seasons.

Well, that's great.

Brandi said it's attached
to the Mandalay Bay.

Right.

I stayed at the Mandalay
about four years ago.

Yeah?

Listen, I haven't
been there since.

That's why I thought if you
would invite me, I could go.

Mum, come on.

I'll pay for myself.

I'm going with all these girls.

No, I could go in another plane.

No, it's weird.

You don't even have
to talk to me there.

Please!

All right, dresses...

Underwear.

Oh, I don't need
underwear in Vegas, do I?

You need the big,
thick, brown underwear.

The iron knickers.

KEN TODD: Yes.

You're not staying at the palms?

LISA VANDERPUMP: No.

KEN TODD: [LAUGHS]

Don't even go there.

It's all looking very pink.

I wonder why.

NARRATOR: Coming up.

Your husband is more in love
with you than you are with him.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Excited?

- Yes!
- Whoo!

Sometimes I get sick.

I'm going over here.

This is it.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

Everybody say, penis!

Why?

Oh, my God.

Why?

Why would you say that?

Because they weren't smiling.

You need a reaction
for the picture.

Have you ever heard
of cheese before?

We're going to have real
Vegas showgirls showing us

how to pole dance a little bit.

CAMILLE GRAMMER: Wait,
do we wear stripperwear?

- So excited.
- Whoo!

U-huh, uh-huh.

CAMILLE GRAMMER (VOICEOVER): And
I'm looking forward to support

brandy in her new ventures.

It's time for her
to move forward...

Heal... move on with her life.

Now, are you going to
be dancing on the pole?

Oh, yeah.

Of course, it's never
going to happen.

Oh, yes, it is.

Unless they've
got a pole in Gianni

Versaci and Hermes [INAUDIBLE]

CAST MEMBER: So are you excited?

CAST MEMBER: Yes.
CAST MEMBER: Whoo!

Vegas.

Welcome to the Four
Seasons Hotel, Las Vegas.

Oh, wow.

It's so pretty.

This is our 180
degree strip view suite,

so you'll have a panoramic view
of the Las Vegas Boulevard.

Did you say strip?

BRANDI GLANVILLE (VOICEOVER):
Jen is my best friend.

She's my rock.

She just there for me.

She's like my other half.

She's like my husband.

This room is gorgeous.

Oh, wow.

BRANDI GLANVILLE (VOICEOVER):
Like, I really just

want to see the fun
side of all the girls,

and I want them to see
the fun side of me.

I don't want them
to just think of me

as the girl that says, shut
the [BLEEP] up, all the time.

BRANDI GLANVILLE: Thank you.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

You want a little tomato?

OK, well, that's
why you make extra.

So if you ruin one,
you got an extra one.

Ow, I should have worn shoes.

Ow!

Now I'm going to have to
give you a piece of chicken

when you get up there, right?

YOLANDA FOSTER
(VOICEOVER): Let's get

it straight... men
love beautiful women,

and beautiful women
love rich men.

Still [BLEEP] your
husband for a Chanel bag.

There is temptation everywhere.

A woman can get hit on
in the grocery store.

A guy walks on the Sunset plaza,
and there's beautiful women

trotting up and down.

But if you really found
your true love, I mean,

it should be easy.

Hi, baby.

YOLANDA FOSTER: Hi, my love!

[KISSES] How are you?

Are you tired?

Exhausted?

I am tired.

Hi

Hey, baby.

I love you.

I missed you.

I missed you, too, baby.

- I'm happy you're home.
- Let me just put this here.

YOLANDA FOSTER
(VOICEOVER): I absolutely

cater to my husband's
needs, and I love doing it.

You know, my husband
is king in my house,

and I think that's
the way it should be.

That's what keeps
two people together.

OK, come on.

I have a beautiful
dinner waiting for you.

You do?

Yes.

Come!

I made you your
favourite chicken...

Potatoes... gravy.

DAVID FOSTER: Mmm.

And I tried to make
you a chocolate souffle.

I made two sets.

One... and I screwed
them up... both sets.

These didn't come up.

Those look OK.

Let me taste it first.

Yeah, of course.

It's yours.

Not good, no?

No, it's good.

I think that men are
really simple beings,

if you really think about it.

The most important thing is that
they're acknowledged as a man.

The sex is very
important, and feeding

them... and you know, cook
them a dinner once in a while.

I think, for a guy,
that's really important.

And why not?

Are you very hungry, my love?

Yeah.

You want me to me help you?

Let me just wait on you.

Is it good?

They're my favourite.

I love the fact that you
make two of everything

in case one ruins.

And people don't believe you.

This was right from the first
second, and it stayed right.

Unless she kicks me to
the curb, I'm a lifer.

I'm a Yolanda lifer.

Well, I missed you.

I missed you too, baby.

I don't think we
ever need to be apart.

Who was I telling?

Somebody that's married or
lives with a rock and roller,

and they're, like, two
or three months apart.

I said, you know,
my wife's rule is

no more than two weeks apart.

- Yeah.
- Ever.

Not even two weeks.

I mean, eight
days is the maximum.

Two weeks is a long time.

- Eight days?
- Yeah.

Wow.

Most of my friends
have been divorced

at some point of their lives.

Like, you know Heidi and Seal,
I mean, it's heartbreaking.

But 95%, for sure, I think
this is it for both of us.

And you know, God willing, it's
going to stay as great as it's

been the first six years.

Wow.

Isn't that pretty?

YOLANDA FOSTER: It's gorgeous.

DAVID FOSTER: Yeah, it is.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, perfect.

We'll leave the wine
list for you ladies here.

Do you guys have a
bottle of rosé that's...

We sure do, miss.
I'll [INAUDIBLE] right there.

Let me see.

I have a specific one.

Do you have a rosé
that's not sparkling?

No rosés.

[INAUDIBLE]

OK.

So all right.

So do you have, like,
a sauvignon blanc?

I don't know.

I don't know these two.

You guys, we're
not buying a house.

Pick the wine.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

LISA VANDERPUMP: They're all
sounding better by the minute.

BRANDI GLANVILLE: Yeah.
CAST MEMBER: Thank you.

So Kyle, tell us
about your store.

Are you going to do a big party?

I am going to do a big party,
and you'll all be invited.

LISA VANDERPUMP: Oh, please.

KYLE RICHARDS: What?

LISA VANDERPUMP: Not
everybody... come on.

Yes.

Everyone's invited.

I'm really excited.

It's going to be fun.

I'm excited.

I can't wait to shop there.

Oh, my God.

This is like a big gulp.

[LAUGHTER]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Good evening.

Welcome to Charlie Palmer Steak.

Everything on our menu
is served a la carte.

On the left hand side, we have
a nice variety of appetisers.

You'll find plenty
of fresh seafood.

We have great steaks.

We have both wet
and dry aged beef.

And at the bottom
are vegetables,

starches, and the sauces.

CAST MEMBER: Thank you.

We'll let you have a
few minutes with these,

and we'll come back and
answer any questions for you.

CAST MEMBER: Thanks.

BRANDI GLANVILLE:
So I just wanted

to say thank you to all of you
beautiful women for coming.

CAST MEMBER: Thank
you for having us.

And I'm not even sure
exactly what it is,

and it's a test run tomorrow.

But I'm so glad
that we could all

do it together and
hopefully have a little fun

and get to know each
other a little better.

Wait, is Yolanda coming?

I liked her the other night.

Is she coming?

CAST MEMBER: Yolanda's
coming tomorrow.

BRANDI GLANVILLE: Yeah.

Yeah, she's coming.

Marisa, you're so mellow.

I know.

I'm just... - What?

Are you missing your husband?

I got to [INAUDIBLE]... no.

Are you missing your man?

No.

Your kids?

I miss my babies.

Oh!

Not the husband, but the babies.

But I say to you, Marisa...

Your husband...

Mm-hmm.

BRANDI GLANVILLE:... is
more in love with you

than you are with him.

But that was that
night at dinner.

I don't know.

I almost felt bad for him.

It's like I ended up
marrying exactly opposite

of what I'm interested in.

The thing with us is we kind of

had this banter that
goes back and forth,

and I think it
can be read wrong.

But he is the most
wonderful man ever.

I kind of want to shake
her a little bit and be like,

if you really love this man,
you'll shut the [BLEEP] up.

I'm very, very lucky.

I really am.

I mean, we've been together...

Don't you forget that.

...for 16 years.

No, I'm super lucky.

It gives me the chills!

Like, I want that.

I love weddings.

I love love.

I do.

I love love.

But right now, you
guys know me as,

like, the tough girl that always
fights back... and yelling.

You don't need to be the
tough girl all the time.

I have to be. I have to be.

That's what you guys
don't understand.

I have to be, because I have
to be strong for my children.

CAST MEMBER: Yeah.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]

LISA VANDERPUMP: But
that's not the tough girl.

[INAUDIBLE]

CAST MEMBER: You have to be
strong with your children,

but that doesn't mean you
have to be the tough girl.

Exactly.

BRANDI GLANVILLE: Well,
it's HARD with this group.

LISA VANDERPUMP: Cheers.

Maybe if you trusted more
of showing that softer side,

you would bring out the
softer side of everyone else.

They need to see, like...

[INAUDIBLE] say, oh, she's fun.

[INAUDIBLE] But I'm
waiting to see that side.

I know. I get it.

I mean, I don't think we've
actually seen the best sides

of one another, to be honest.

Right.

It's been kind of, since
we've met, a train wreck.

We both have very
strong personalities.

Yeah.

I just don't want to
fight with strong women.

I don't want to fight
with strong women, either.

BRANDI GLANVILLE: I know.
It's scary.

But I'm also very defensive.

You know?
BRANDI GLANVILLE: Yeah.

So.

No, me, too.

And that's the thing.

Because I have had to be.

Do you know what I mean?

Like, I've been fighting
for a few years now,

and I feel like, gosh,
I can't stop fighting.

BRANDI GLANVILLE (VOICEOVER): I
really want Kyle to understand

that it's been [BLEEP] hard.

It's been really hard.

And I think because
she's been married

before, maybe she can
find a little soft spot

in her heart for me.

For two years straight,
I was a train wreck.

I was depressed.

I was sad.

[INAUDIBLE]

Well, when your
husband leaves, you are.

I mean we were both... - Right.

- ... you were devastated.
- Right, right.

I mean, that's a horrible
thing to go through.

I was in love with the life.

I thought I ha...

You know what I mean?

It wasn't what I thought it was.

I care about him still.

I love him, because he's
the father of my children.

But I'm also...

I'm so... I don't
know if it's hate.

I think it's like...

There's so much animosity.

That's what it is.

And it never goes away, though.

KYLE RICHARDS: You know what?

One day when you find someone
else that you're love with who

treats you the way you
deserve to be treated,

that will go away.

But that's it.

If you hold on to the
anger, you just stay angry,

and it just makes you sick.

CAMILLE GRAMMER
(VOICEOVER): Brandi

and I shared a
similar experience,

having both of our exes leave.

I empathise with her.

It's a tough thing to
go through a divorce...

And watching your ex-husband
with his new wife.

Speaking of exes, how long did
you not have intercourse for?

There would be times where
there... months would go by.

[INAUDIBLE], you lucky thing.

CAST MEMBER: Brandi's like...

Oh, my God.

CAST MEMBER: Oh, my God!

That's insane!

I didn't know if I knew
how to want it anymore.

CAST MEMBER: Brandi actually
shed a tear over that one.

Did I lose it?

Do I still have it?

CAST MEMBER: Yeah, you lose it.

So do you have it?

You have it.

You know you have it, right?

Well, it was painful,
because it was...

[INAUDIBLE]

CAMILLE GRAMMER (VOICEOVER):
During my marriage with Kelsey,

I guess we lost our intimacy
there for a few years.

And I was afraid that I lost
it, but I have found it.

And it's better than ever.

I'm tough, though.

I mean, now I don't
like to go back.

I don't like to go...

Even talking about it
puts a pit in my stomach.

Because he was the love of my
life, and so to have had that

and then to have lost
it and then to be

back where I am right now?

I feel so blessed.

I have to say that, you
know, I mean, I'm so in love

with my husband and our
family and what we've created

that if that happened to me?

Oh!

BRANDI GLANVILLE: Your
kids would save you.

I could never...

I don't even think
I could move on.

I really don't
- Your kids would save you.

They would, though.
That's what I'm saying.

Yeah, but it feels
like that my mind.

- I know.
- I don't think I could go on.

So when I hear you
talk like that?

BRANDI GLANVILLE: Yeah.
- I get it.

I don't know what I would do.

Isn't it weird
how the person that

loved you the most in the whole
world could hate you that much?

Ugh, it gives me a
stomachache, honestly.

LISA VANDERPUMP: Did he
leave and go to LeAnn Rimes?

I said, I'm going to
Beverly Hills Hotel.

I go, you have to get
your [BLEEP] out...

I'm done.

That day, my friend that
worked at "Us Weekly"

called me and said, Eddie's
in Malibu with LeAnn

Rimes on his motorcycle.

KYLE RICHARDS (VOICEOVER): To be
pregnant and have your husband

cheating on you
and leave like that

and marry someone
else is devastating.

I can only begin to imagine
how bad that would feel.

[INAUDIBLE], , thank
you for sharing that.

Yeah.

I think I like this softer side.

Good.

Let's make out.

I'm kidding.

[LAUGHS] I'm just kidding.

[LAUGHTER]

But you know what I
find is interesting is

LeAnn has the body of you.

CAST MEMBER: Oh, she wishes!

No, she gets with
this guy, and now

she wears these
skimpy little shorts

and these little outfits.

She could never dress like that.

She has the same car Brandi has.

She has the same bag Brandi has.

She has the same
shoes Brandi has.

She has similar bathing
suits... cover-ups are similar.

She... does that
woman own any clothing?

Put some frickin' clothes on.

It kind of makes me laugh.

CAST MEMBER: She
dresses like you.

She chose the same
wedding dress designer.

BRANDI GLANVILLE: Yes. Yeah.

Are you kidding me?

And she was a friend of yours?

She chose the same man!

That is bizarre.

NARRATOR: Coming up.

CAST MEMBER: That is so nasty.

BRANDI GLANVILLE: But
you have to do it.

Oh, for God's sake.

Ugh!

[LAUGHTER]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

They say the proper word,
Mommy, is blah blah blah.

Vagina.

Jakey calls it B-A.

- So does Portia.
- "Bagina."

[LAUGHS]

So does Portia.
LISA VANDERPUMP: Oh, God.

Is that your "bagina?"
I'm like, yes.

Can you use another word?

I don't even like that word.

Anything that doesn't
sound pretty and pink...

Even though a vagina, it
could be pretty in pink...

[IMITATES LISA'S ACCENT]
you can't say it.

And that word's ugly.

I don't want to hear it.

Vagina.

Vagina... I mean,
it just sounds awful.

- "Vageen," "vageen."
- "Vageen," vagina, "vajayjay."

I don't like it.

I think there are other nice
words, like pussy or "peachy."

He said, why does your
"bagina" have a tail?

Because I had a tampon.

Oh, God!

Oh, my God!

No!

I don't even want to hear it.

Well, I will say that
Alexia, when she was little,

said to me, why does your pee
pee have a price tag on it?

Yeah, but why would it
have a for sale sign on it

as well, though?

CAST MEMBER: Now
it's set for lease!

[LAUGHTER]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Well, thank you for listening.

I'm not a whiner, and I
don't want to go backwards.

CAST MEMBER: No.

But I want you guys to kind
of understand my journey.

So this is why this branding
company came and found me,

and they said... you know,
my divorce was so public,

and they saw how I kind of
overcame it and fought back.

And they approached
me for this thing

tomorrow, so it kind of
goes hand-in-hand with it.

And that's why I'm
just like, sure...

Party and I get paid
and it's for women?

Let's do it. So.

But anyway.

But I'm over him,
and we're having fun.

So that's what matters.

Thank you.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[CHATTER AND LAUGHTER]

CAST MEMBER: No!

CAST MEMBER: No, I'm good.

CAST MEMBER: Clam?

Oyster?

I can't do a clam,
but I could do this one.

You love those clams.

I am doing an oyster.

Oh, God, no.

That is so nasty.

Well, it tastes like a vagina.

CAST MEMBER: No, it
doesn't taste like it.

It looks like it.

Well, how do you
know it [INAUDIBLE]

It feels like it.

[LAUGHTER]

I mean, I think.

BRANDI GLANVILLE: I
want everyone to do it.

You have to do it.

CAST MEMBER:
[INAUDIBLE] There is

no oyster going passed my lips.

Come on... what if I
throw it down your throat?

Oh, for God's sake.

OK, I'll do it. - No.

I cannot put an
oyster in my mouth.

BRANDI GLANVILLE: Hey, it's
going to be really good.

CAST MEMBER: Oh, she's gagging.

Oh, you're gagging, and
you want to feed to me?

You bitch!

Ugh!

BRANDI GLANVILLE:
We're going to do it.

All right, hold on.

Get this.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]
- Are you doing it as well?

Are you all gagging
and looking at it?

BRANDI GLANVILLE:
I'm going to do it.

I'm not doing it.
I'm going to throw up.

Yeah, you're going to do it.

We're going to do it. [LAUGHTER]

[INAUDIBLE] Open your mouth.
- You're such a liar.

Open your mouth.
Open your mouth.

What is it? Oh, my God!

[INAUDIBLE]

CAST MEMBER: Yay!

CAST MEMBER: [INAUDIBLE]
- Did you swallow?

CAST MEMBER: Swallow...
Don't eat it.

Don't chew. Don't chew.

CAST MEMBER: Swallow,
swallow, swallow.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

I feel like I'm
on "Fear Factor."

KYLE RICHARDS
(VOICEOVER): I don't

like slimy, squishy things
that are in that shape.

Why would anybody
want to do that?

I know, right?

I'd rather have a hot dog.

So that was your first?

Yeah, that was my
first experience.

Wow.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[CHATTER AND LAUGHTER]

No, honestly, I was so
happy we did this tonight.

And it was, like,
serious and not serious.

But I feel like we're
going to have a good time.

We'll be there to support
you, but I'm not swinging

around the bloody pole.
- Oh, you are.

LISA VANDERPUMP: No, I'm not.
- Yeah, you are.

LISA VANDERPUMP: No, I'm not.

Lisa is very, very
adamant about not

wanting to pole dance.

But I think that Lisa would
be really good on the pole.

We're going to teach
you some moves, Lisa.

[LAUGHTER]

Oh.

I'm going to get the dinner
tonight, because really...

I got it.

No, I already paid.

My credit card is [INAUDIBLE]

KYLE RICHARDS: [INAUDIBLE]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hi.

Hi, good morning.

- [INAUDIBLE]
- How are you?

Good. Kim Richards.

- For Dr. Grigoryants?
- Yeah.

OK.

I really just decided
I wanted to do my nose

in these last few months.

I want to put a change
with the change...

A change with the change...

I don't know.

I don't know... a new me.

Hi, Kim.

- Hi!
- How are you?

Good to see you.

Nice to see you, too.

How have you been?

Good. And yourself?

You look great. - Good.

Thank You.

Thank you.

Oh.

VLADIMIR GRIGORYANTS:
All right, Kim.

Well, how can I help you today?

Well, I'm just
kind of thinking I'd

like to do a little makeover.

VLADIMIR GRIGORYANTS: Mm-hmm.

I thought maybe my nose.

VLADIMIR GRIGORYANTS: OK.

My sister brought
up doing my nose

over the last couple of years.

You need to make over.

So it's my nose you
really want to go.

Well, that's like
one of the main things.

If you had a magic wand, how
would you change your nose?

Maybe just... not much.

VLADIMIR GRIGORYANTS: Mm-hmm.

'Cause I like my nose.
I like my face.

VLADIMIR GRIGORYANTS: You
want to keep it natural?

OK.

Actually, I know I joke
about changing things,

but I like me today.

I love who I... how I am.

I just think that...

Maybe just take down a
little bit right here.

OK.

The reason why I'm not asking
Paul to perform the surgery...

If for some reason I wasn't
happy with my surgery,

I don't want to look
at Paul every day

and just go, oh, you know what?

You're my friend, and I can't
believe you let me do this.

It seems to me that
your tip is well shaped,

so there is not much that
needs to be done with it.

Maybe we'll just
lift it a little bit

to just give it a little
bit of a more youthful look.

Does it hurt... this surgery?

You know, most of
the swelling that

takes place the first couple of
days will probably scare you.

But it's not a very
painful surgery.

KIM RICHARDS (VOICEOVER):
Dr. Grigoryants... he

specialises in beautiful noses.

I know he knows about noses.

But I heard you're amazing,
so I know [INAUDIBLE]..

Well, you know,
no one's perfect.

Thank you. - All right.

VLADIMIR GRIGORYANTS: All right?

OK.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hello, girls.

CAST MEMBERS: Hello!

Oh, you guys are matching.

Yeah, yeah.

Kind of, yeah.

I had so much fun last night.

KYLE RICHARDS: I did, too.
- It was fun.

It was really fun.

Well, you have to save
a little for tonight.

I know. Tonight...

Thank you.

You'll see a happy Marisa.

Hello. CAST MEMBER: Hey, girls!

Hello. - Good morning.

CAST MEMBER: Good morning!

Wasn't that fun last night?

One too many margaritas, maybe.

CAST MEMBER: Thank you.

Perfect.

Oh, my goodness.

Alcohol?

CAST MEMBER: We're in Vegas.

CAST MEMBER: [LAUGHS]

So hold on a second...
You've got a bug in your hair.

CAST MEMBER: OK.
- You're real funny.

- You have.
- Shut up, Lisa!

Get it off her. Get it off her.

If you're lying to me,
I'm going to be really mad.

Is it a bug? - Yes, yes.

Stop it!

Get it off my hair! - It's off!

It's off!

CAST MEMBER: What kind
of a bug was that?

Spider? [INAUDIBLE]

It was not a little
mini little thing.

It was a big, fat, hairy bug.

CAST MEMBER: She's
so cute, this one.

She's always wanting to
start a little trouble.

I'm going to squeeze her.

LISA VANDERPUMP: I'm
going to go shopping.

I can't sit in this seat.

No, now we're going
to get on a pole.

No, we're not.

KYLE RICHARDS: Oh,
here's Yolanda.

Hello!

Good morning!

KYLE RICHARDS: How are you?

YOLANDA FOSTER (VOICEOVER):
David was only in town for one

night, so I needed
to be with my love.

I mean, he's my best friend.

He's my love, my life, my
happiness... and no girlfriend

can even come close to that.

I wish I could eat this
[BLEEP] all day long.

LISA VANDERPUMP: Who says that?

- Brandi does.
- Brandi.

Brandi does.

Ladies, I have a carrot
with spinach juice?

What the hell is that?

It's like green slime.

I mean, come on.

Let me just have a sip.

Just be a big girl.

Have a sip.

BRANDI GLANVILLE:
It's green... not pink.

She can't drink it.

Oh, it's not good.

I'm being honest. It's not good.

Put a little tequila in it.

Exactly, right?

You knock it back at once.

You are what you
eat or what you drink.

When you're past 45,
things just don't

stay in shape eating bacon.

Wimpies!

Beverly Hills wimpies here.

NARRATOR: Coming up.

I'm going to ask like a
difficult, disgruntled student

and see how you handle it.

"Act... "she's going
to "act" like that.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

So Brandi, tell us...

So what are we doing?

CAST MEMBER: You
look frightened.

No, I'm just excited.

You know, any big hurdle in
your life... or whether it be...

But isn't Adrienne really upset

that you're not
supporting her business

by stripping at the bars?

You girls are bad.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

YOLANDA FOSTER: Oh, we're
here, guys... soundstage one.

Hello!

Hi!

Oh, wow, how cute.

Hi, honey.

How are you?

Oh, my God, you
look so adorable.

This is Night School 4 Girls.

We are a pole dancing
and burlesque class.

You're not going
to come out this

being a professional stripper.

It's all about having fun.

You know, I'm not
really feeling this.

I'm here to support my friends.

You'll get on it.

Don't worry.

I'm going to act like a
difficult, disgruntled student

and see how you handle it.

"Act... "she's going
to "act" like that.

And I'm going to
see how you handle it.

[INAUDIBLE]

BRANDI GLANVILLE (VOICEOVER):
It's my moment right now to get

up and talk, and I am a wreck.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

OK.

So in the spirit of practicing
for this, I just want to say

thank you all for
being here tonight.

I'm really happy that you
guys all came out support me.

And whatever you guys are
going through... whether it be...

Life?

Divorce?

Divorce... marriage...

Just anything that...

This is about you finding
yourself, because...

I'm horrible!

LISA VANDERPUMP: [INAUDIBLE]
You're doing good!

Because you need to
empower yourself.

You need to find
your inner sexy.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

LISA VANDERPUMP: Come on!

Find your inner sexy!

Come on, Brandi!

Yeah, that's a lot how it is.

It's not judging.

It's not what you look like.

It's not how tall
you are... how much

you weigh... how old you are.

It's not if...

LISA VANDERPUMP:
Thank God for that.

...you're married... divorced.

No, I wasn't talking to you.

It's just about not judging
and feeling beautiful and sexy

for that moment with your
friends in the safe environment

with a couple of drinks.

Because we're all
braver with drinks.

And just having a wonderful
time, celebrating other women...

And just have fun, because
life is short as we all know.

And it's really important.

So party, girls.

CAST MEMBER: Yay!

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

It's hard for me to
find my words sometimes.

And then I got some
support from my friends,

and I realised you
can't be wrong when

you're just speaking the truth.

Brandi, good job,
Brandi darling.

BRANDI GLANVILLE:
Come on down, ladies.

Work it out.

[CLAPPING]

NARRATOR: Next time,
on "The Real Housewives

of Beverly Hills."

CAST MEMBER: Whoo!

CAST MEMBER: Oh, my God!

Oh, she's been
practicing... you big liar!

[SERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

[INAUDIBLE] my sister,
don't forget about me.

LISA VANDERPUMP (VOICEOVER):
Kyle stands up for everyone...

But me.

You try to be loyal to
somebody who's a friend,

and that gets chipped away.

She ought to have a lesson
in what a true friend is.

This is not my battle.

This is not my fight. - It is.

You choose to make
it your battle.

I agree!

[INAUDIBLE]

That's the point, Yolanda!

Shh.

Do we talk about who
owns your restaurants?

I own my restaurants.

No, you don't, no sir.

[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

NARRATOR: To learn more
about the housewives,

[MUSICAL FLOURISH]