The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Wealthiness - full transcript

- the sun always shines
in beverly hills,

but not on everyone.

- everything might look perfect,
but it's not.

it's a land of make-believe.

- this town runs on status.

status can come from money,

connections, fame,
or even looks.

- you could be the toast
of the town one day

and a nobody the next.

it can all go away
in an instant.

- but if you can play
the game,



there's nowhere better
to live.

[upbeat music]

- it may look like
I have it all,

but I want more.

- in beverly hills,
it's who you know,

and I know everyone.

- money is what I have,
not who I am.

- I was a child star,
but now my most important role

is being a mother.

- in a town full of phonies,

i'm not afraid to be real.

- it's time for me to come out
of my husband's shadow

and shine.

- breakfast.



my name's lisa vanderpump.

good boy.

do you want a drinkie first?

and I live in a gated community
in beverly hills.

i love living here.

i mean, it really is like
a fantasy land.

i just love this house
and it's so romantic

and it's kind of designed
like a french chateau.

i just think there's everything
you need here.

you can literally live here and
not go anywhere else.

ken?
- Yes?

- darling?

ken?

- yeah?
- Where are you?

- I'm in the sitting room.

- let's go find daddy.

i married ken todd
when I was 21.

my husband calls me
a sex object.

he says every time he wants sex,
I object.

- thanks a lot.

- I say to him, "you know what?

"christmas and birthdays,

"and it's your birthday,
not mine.

that's another day off."

- she is a very funny person.

- [chuckles]

i have two children.

pandora's 24.

max is 18.

they've fled the nest,

so they've left me
with a big old empty house,

so I had no choice
but to fill it

with my little furry friends.

this is jiggy who goes
everywhere with me.

give me a kiss, jiggy.

mwah.

[dog barks]

- my two...

pikachu and lollipop.

they are my little boys
and girls.

- I'm not doing--
Tell me when you're ready.

- we should at least do weight.

it's a bit more manly
than just doing this.

- stop trying
to be such a man.

ken and I have 26 restaurants,
bars, clubs.

we used to have a gay club in
london called the shadow lounge.

the front guy was cedric.

- did you see my photos,
by the way?

- I like the headshots.
I thought they were great.

- my eyes are amazing.

have you noticed a difference?

- yeah.

he used to kind of be the--

you know, the beautiful face
on the door.

yeah, no, your eyes
do look good.

- what else is good?
Give me compliments.

you know I like it.
- That's it.

that's the only thing
that's good.

[laughter]

but he did kind of start

to just merge with our family.

- I just hope he really
is gay,

because he spends a lot
of time with my wife.

if he wasn't gay,
I would be very annoyed.

- cedric was living in london
when we moved to l.a.

we tried to get away from him,

but he followed us over here.

- ken and lisa have tried
to sort of lose me

on their way.

they moved from
three different continents

and I still found them.

- I said he could stay
with us for--

well, until he got sorted.

he's lived with us for a year,

9 months, 3 weeks,
2 days, and 14 hours.

- at the moment,
i'm okay here.

and I think
i'll stay for a bit.

- you're living here
for two years?

- I'm never leaving.

- oh, yes, you are.

- never.
- Yes, you are.

[dog barks]

- my name is adrienne maloof...

paul!

and I live across
the street from lisa.

i grew up being
very independent.

of course, with all brothers,
I had to be.

i'm part of
the maloof companies,

which is a very diversified
family business.

our family business consists
of an nba basketball team,

the sacramento kings...

the palms casino
in las vegas...

we're in the
skateboarding business.

- ♪♪ do not say good-bye ♪♪

- we're in the music business,

partners with interscope
records.

my father instilled
in us a work ethic that

it's wonderful to have money,
but you have to work for it.

we've been hard workers
our whole life.

- that hand up.
One.

- hey. Ha ha ha!

- Miss vegas is back.
- Mike!

i'm married
to a plastic surgeon.

his name is paul nassif.

i just saw the president
of the united states.

- come on.

- can I kiss you hello
or am I too sweaty for you?

- no.
Ooh.

- [indistinct]

- ugh.
You smell.

um, check that out.

- wow.
- Wow.

george maloof
and the maloof family.

- paul is not involved
in the maloof companies at all.

paul and I keep
everything separate.

- and a $1 million fundraiser
for the dnc.

- guess who didn't go.

- oh, what's up with that,
paul?

- she's a democrat.
- Who cares?

- I'm a republican.

- listen.

the first african-american
president.

that is history.

our children will
be reading this

and he doesn't go.

- if I ever do my thing,

would you go?
- Yes.

- you never went
with me on many things.

- listen.
I may have not agreed with

the last president
and his policies--

- well, same thing here.
- Let me finish.

but guess what.

i respect him as the leader
of our country.

- well, of course.

i'm sure he's very charismatic.

- so as the leader
of our country,

it would have been nice
if you went.

- we're both
type "a" personalities,

so the two
type "a" personality

is obviously once
in a while gonna do this.

i'm in the middle
of working out right now and--

- okay, well, I'm not--
- [Indistinct]

- no, he won't do a takedown.
Him?

i tried one on him.
Did he tell you what happened?

no, no, no, no.

- she ruined my back
for two weeks.

she's the most powerful
petite woman

I've ever met in my
entire life.

- so let's just say somebody
approaches me

and they're grabbing my arm.
- All right.

- I would do this.

see that?

i would say I have
a few close friends

and a lot of acquaintances.

- um, I'll have
a three-shot latte.

- girl?

growing up in extreme wealth,

you have to sometimes
be careful.

i choose wisely
who my friends are.

i was thinking about inviting
some of my friends--

and of course
I want you to come--

to the last game of
the kings nba season,

which we play the lakers.

I've known taylor
for three years.

our children go
to school together

and that's how I originally
met her.

i know you're gonna
be a kings fan.

- of course I'm gonna
be a kings fan.

you know, I'm loyal, baby.

- I know.

- adrienne is a godmother
of my daughter kennedy.

- so I thought you, lisa,
myself.

and, you know, I don't think
you've met camille yet.

camille grammer.

- no, but I've heard
so much about her.

she sounds lovely.
- Yeah.

- I'm sure we'll
have a good time.

- oh, a blast.
Are you kidding?

- my name is camille grammer.

i'm a dancer and I have been
my whole life.

i used to dance on club mtv.

dance, for me, is freedom.

it's how I express myself.

a lot of people think
they know me,

'cause I'm married to
a celebrity, but they don't.

hey.
Give me a hug.

mmm.
I just love you so much.

i'm a mother of two.

this is gonna sound crazy
and don't judge me.

no, I have four nannies
and they rotate.

- there's two sets of nannies.
Two for each child.

- not only do we take care
of the kids here,

we travel with them
all over the place.

- a typical day is basically,
you know,

waking up with
the kids and, um,

getting them ready for school.

- and then take him
to his various

extracurricular activities.

- and just because somebody
hires nannies,

that doesn't mean they're
not a good mother

and they're not there
for their children.

i'm here all the time
for my children.

so how's your brother?
- Okay.

- how's jude--okay?

hey, ash, how's jude feeling?

- he seemed all right.
- Is he doing better?

- yeah, he's doing okay now.
- That's great.

- yeah.

- I feel like I live
in my own private retreat.

17 acres total.

it's basically a small park
with a, you know, pond.

we have a pool.

a tennis court.

um, we had horses.
No longer.

- dad!

- hi, honey.

- um, yeah, I'm married
to kelsey grammer and,

yes, he's an actor
and a character.

- hey, buddy.
Good to see you.

- do it.
Do it!

- I've spent 13 years married
to camille.

she has taken a, uh--

what you might say
a backseat to my life.

i think it's time
for camille to--

to get a little attention.

- ahh!

- [chuckles]

yes, big joe.
Huh, who's romeo joe?

good boy.
All right.

leaving the family
is never easy.

it's just sometimes there
are things that call us away.

we have to do it.

- why don't I start
grabbing some shirts

out of the closet for you?

- all right, sure.
- Okay.

- thanks.

get the shirts that
make me look really gay.

- the ones that make
you look gay?

is that because you're doing
a gay show?

- I got a call mentioning
la cage aux folles

and it seemed to me like this
was really a great idea

and a great opportunity
and certainly

the right role
to go play in new york.

- what do I do when the kids
start getting all crazy?

just say, "dad"?

- tell 'em you're gonna
tell their father.

- okay.

i love you.

be safe.

i'm used to him going away
for two weeks

at the most,
but not a whole year.

- bye, babe!

- bye!

- good-bye-bye!

- bye!

but I feel that this
is an opportunity

for me to show
that I am my own person.

- coming up on
the real housewives...

- what if I want to--
- We've looked at everything.

there's nothing out.
- Another what?

she all of a sudden
throws at me that,

you know, "maybe I'll have
another baby."

don't need a husband first?

- my name's taylor armstrong.

i grew up in oklahoma,

you know, in a normal
middle-class family.

I've always had a feeling
inside of me since I was small

that there was something really
big for me in my life.

i was almost envious
in some respects

of people who were content
in living

the middle-class lifestyle
that they had.

it would have been much
easier not to have

such enormous aspirations.

it's a lot of pressure.

- hi, honey.
- Hi.

so we ready to have fun?

okay, this, unfortunately,
has to move.

can you put that--

- see?
Already directing.

okay.
- Just put that over there.

please. Please.

- taylor had wanted
to get some filler done

on the side of her temples,

so she went to my husband.

i thought that that procedure
probably didn't need

to be done on taylor.

is that supposed to happen?

- what?

- that?

- that's lidocaine.

- I know the surprise
on my face was,

like, that of terror.

- that's what it is.

- I'm starting to sweat.

- no, it's fine.
It's fine, adrienne.

- all right.

i was a little shocked.

and that was only the second
time he had done that.

- beautiful women are
a dime a dozen around here,

especially 20-year-old
beautiful women.

and my husband is masculine.

there's no blurring that issue.

oh, my goodness.
Help me.

like, "oh, lord, he's gonna
leave me for a 20-year-old."

very pretty.

i am married
to russell armstrong.

he's a venture capitalist
and investment banker.

- so what's the latest
with your little company?

- I would love it if you
wouldn't call my company little.

my current business is
high-level management consulting

and I don't want to put
myself in a position

where I don't have the ability
to care for myself

in the event that one
of these days,

you know, the younger,
better thing comes along

and--and--
You know, things happen.

- by the way,

heather's gonna be
in town next week.

- I just read online that
you put $10 million

into her phone company.

i love how I'm getting
the forbes magazine

press release that you invested
$10 million.

- I know it's very risky,

but I'm actually
very excited about it.

- I would say our marriage
is about 80% business

and 20% romance.

but that's something
I signed up for.

- did you guys want
to use bubble wrap or--

- I heard everybody
loved that movie.

- what?

- are you gonna sit there
or are you gonna do something?

i'm kim richards
and I'm a single mom.

i have four kids.

three from two marriages
and one

from a long-term relationship.

- stop.
That's my hair.

that's not funny.
You jerk.

- I share custody
with my kids' fathers,

but right now,
all four are home with me.

are you just gonna sit there
or are you gonna do something?

- I'm gonna help.

- look at grandma.

- let me see. What?

- my mom gave me amazing advice.

"be careful not to make your
whole life your kids, kimberly.

because one day you'll
end up all by yourself."

she chose to make her life all
about her kids.

i chose to follow
my mom's footsteps.

it's a choice I made.

- I'm gonna look through these.

- that's mom when
she was little.

- I know.

- so what's wrong with that?

- we've seen all that.
- Don't look at those.

that's just mom when
she's little.

- yeah, well, you have seen 'em,
like, a thousand times.

- my childhood was different
than the average child.

when we moved to california,
I had already done

several commercials,

and by the time I was four,

i was on a television
series called

nanny and the professor.

by the time I was ten,

i was signed
to walt disney studios.

i was not just a child actress.

i was, you know,
the "disney girl."

- we don't know why we do
all these things.

we don't know how
it all started.

look at my stand-in.

his name was angelo and--

- that was your stand-in?
- Yes.

- what?

- I did magnum p.i.,

police woman, medical center,
medical story,

chips.

- you're making it all sound so
easy and it's not.

- I know it's not, baby.

- ponch, I've hurt
so many people.

- I was quite famous.

thank you.
I love you.

you've all been so good to me.

i like this picture too.

i definitely didn't
do the same things

that other teenagers did.

i didn't go to school.

i didn't get to, you know,
be a brownie

or a girl scout.

i didn't get to ride
on the school bus,

but I had an amazing career.

I've had my fame,
and I gracefully walked away,

and in that time frame
I became a full-time mom.

- was this when
aunt kathy had--

- paris.
- That's aunt kathy,

aunt kyle, and i,
and paris.

i have two sisters.

my oldest sister
is kathy hilton.

her daughter is paris.

paris decided
she was gonna go out

and be something
for herself and she did.

and I'd gone out
to dinner with her

and as we came out,
they're like,

"kim! Kim! Paris! Paris!"

and paris looked over
at me like, "who are you?"

and I'm like--they're like,
"paris, don't forget.

your aunt was here first,"
and I was like,

"oh, yeah, honey.
Step aside.

don't forget.
I was here first."

and she was like, "aunt kim!"

and they're like, "paris,
your aunt's an icon."

[mumbles]
and she's like, "wait.

i'm an icon too."

they're like, "yeah, but your
aunt was an icon first."

I've been looking for a bigger
home for months,

but right now,
i'm really under the gun.

my current lease ends
in two weeks

and I hope that
this one is the one.

come on, portia.

[sighs]

- okay, so you get
to see

the full lay of the land
when you walk in,

which is nice
and bright and open.

a big kitchen.
- That's what I really love.

- big kitchen.
There's a screen that goes

over this if it's too bright.

- even though
i'm younger than kim,

i feel a sense
of responsibility for her.

her divorce set her back
financially for sure

and I worry about her.

- it's so charming
and so pretty,

but I need more bedrooms.

- I'm scared you're gonna
end up, you know,

trying to get five bedrooms
for the kids

and they both might,
you know, move out.

- but I still want them
to have a place

even when they do leave,

to come home and say,
"oh, here's my space."

- kim has really made her kids
so much the focus of her life

that she doesn't have
a lot of great girlfriends.

she's very isolated.

for you to have all of that,
that's gonna be a fortune.

you also have to be thinking,
you know, four kids.

you're putting them
all through college.

kim has always
been a big spender.

as soon as she turned 18
and got the money

from her movies
and her tv shows,

that day, she went out and
bought a gorgeous porsche.

she definitely has
an issue with spending.

seems perfect, right?

- no, I like it.

- but?

- kim's in school.

it's gonna be too much--

i think it might be too far out
for me to make the drive.

- first, you tell me that you
want to be closer to me

and all of us and then you tell
me that it's too far

from kimberly's school.

i cannot keep looking like this.

i don't want you just to settle.

this is your home,
which is your sanctuary.

i get that,
but seriously--

we've looked at everything.
There's nothing out there.

another what?

- baby.

don't look at me like that.

- you did not just say that.

- babies bring so much joy
to a home.

i might want my own.

and why not?
I make beautiful babies.

- okay, you've lost it.

there's no way you're having
another baby.

i'm sorry.

she all of a sudden
throws at me that,

you know, "maybe
i'll have another baby."

don't need a husband first?

- coming up on the real
housewives...

- holy [bleep].

- she's like, "oh, my god.
Lisa! Lisa! Lisa!"

and I'm like,
"oh, for god's sake."

[thud]
- oh, my god.

- don't start without me.

- I'm sorry.
Sorry.

- hey, guess what.
- I couldn't wait any longer.

- adrienne just called.

- adrienne maloof?
- Yeah.

adrienne and i,
we've lived across the road

from each other for five years.

she's into all
this kind of funny kickboxing

and stuff like that,
and she goes,

"hey, you know what?

i can take
a 200-pound man down."

and I'm like, "why would
you want to do that?"

she invited us to see
the sacramento kings

play the lakers.

when adrienne says,
"come with me,"

you know, and she's
chartering a jet--

it's like,
"you're going with adrienne?

say yes."

what should I do with jiggy?

- well, doesn't adrienne
or her family own the kings?

- yeah.
- Surely, they have an assistant

up there that could
look after him.

- would look after
him during the game.

- yeah, well, when will we go?
When is it?

- no, not you.
Kyle and i.

kyle's my partner in crime.

we're very close.

i adore her.

she's very funny.
She makes me laugh.

she's also got a handbag fetish
that every time

she finds a new handbag,
she acts like

she's found the cure
for cancer.

- good to go.

i'm kyle richards-umansky.

i grew up as a child actress.

i started acting when
I was three years old.

as my mom used to say,
I started very late,

because my sister kim started
at six months old.

hi.
- How are you?

- good.
How are you?

my first feature film,
I played

the younger version
of kim

in the movie escape
to witch mountain.

from there, I went on and I--

my first tv series was
little house on the prairie.

- mine.
I'm gonna name him "mine."

- I did the original movie
halloween.

- where are you?

[screams]

- when is the last time
you watched the movie?

have you ever watched it
as an adult?

- I have watched it
as an adult

and it is really scary.

i'm being interviewed
this morning

regarding the movie halloween.

first day on set,
they said,

"let me hear you scream."

i was a good screamer.

i just take little breaks
in between children.

i work, have a baby.

i work again,
I have another baby.

in this movie friendships,
secrets, and lies,

tina louise walks up to me
and she looks at me

and she goes,
"your mother's a whore!"

especially if somebody upsets me
in this business,

i think, "screw them.
I'm gonna have another baby."

you want to go with sophia
and help with the salad?

- wait.
How can she help with the salad?

- don't be mean.

she likes to think
she's helping.

see?
[mouthing silently]

i had a very different
upbringing

than I'm giving my children.

go give daddy his--

- if I have to start packing,

can you get a bag out for me
for washington d.c.?

- oh, my god.

she's leaving for five days.

my mom was not your
typical mom

and I definitely did not have
your average upbringing.

i drove myself
to work every day.

not exactly your typical
13-year-old girl.

- in sixth grade, when I was
going to malibu for a night--

it was, like, a sleepover.

she sobbed for hours.

- first of all--

[laughter]

they don't believe me.

- I do believe you.

- and farrah was looking
out the window going--

no talking.
No talking.

anybody who knows me knows that
I am obsessed with my kids.

bordering on abnormal,
but that's okay.

my husband is in real estate.

very high-end real estate.

crazy-expensive homes

on upwards to $100+ million.

- we need to set the table.

- alexia did.

- she did already?
- Yeah.

- kind of chilly outside.
I'm gonna get a sweatshirt.

- I don't want to sit out there.
It's cold.

- we're not sitting outside.
We're sitting in.

- he's cooking outside.

- one of the issues
that we tend to have

is sometimes--is really
just spending habits.

i do however live
by the philosophy

that I'd rather
be happy than right.

sometimes I just allow her
to be right

even though I know I'm right.

- so on your off time,
will you please,

i beg you, not play golf?

- it's the partners match play
on that weekend.

- you're lying to me.
- I swear to god.

- I'm very fortunate that my
husband is successful enough

that I don't have to work.

i do Miss it sometimes and I do
work occasionally,

but most important thing
is being a mom.

play in that match,
I am gonna be doing

major damage shopping.

- so if I don't play,
you spend nothing, zero?

- no, not zero.
- Zero?

- no.
- Let's make a deal.

for every $1,000 you spend,
I play 1 hour of golf.

- you know what?
Maybe you should play one day.

[laughter]

- when you first bring
six girls together

for an event,
it's a little scary,

basically 'cause
you don't know

how all the personalities
are all gonna fit.

but, lakers, kings--

wow.
What a great way

for a bunch of girls to bond.

we're just going up
for the day,

so I chartered a private jet.

just makes it a lot easier.

- how you doing?
Andres.

- I invited my sister kim
to sacramento

with the girls and I
because I really wanted her

to get to know my friends.

woo-hoo!

- hi, I'm chris.

- I'm friends with adrienne.

she was my neighbor
when I lived in beverly hills.

- I wasn't exactly sure what
to expect, you know?

i hadn't met all the ladies,
although we seemed

to be connected one way
or another

through people in town.

you know, beverly hills
is a small place

and we all end up at
charity events

or social events together.

- can everybody raise their
glasses, please?

here's to a great trip
to sacramento

and thank you all for coming.

[overlapping chatter]

and go kings.

- that's right.
- Go lakers.

- here's to hoping my boob
doesn't fall out.

- yes.

- here's to the exact opposite.

[laughter]

- I'll drink to that.
- I'll drink to that.

- god, this is gonna sound
so obnoxious.

but kelsey and I have been
flying private for years

until recently.

now we're taking
more commercial.

so, you know,
we're--we try to be green.

- never fly without this.

we are all safe.

- oh, the bible?

oh, no.
Zohar.

- it's a jewish--kind of.

it's not a torah.
It's a zohar.

very different.

i do fly private a lot,

but I don't necessarily
enjoy it

as much as other people do.

we're good.

would you stop?

I've always had
a fear of flying.

every time I fly,
it's like a big production.

it's like, you know, this is,
like, my last meal perhaps.

it really is.

why are you acting scared?

- just helping you out.

trying to identify with you.

flying with kyle is not such
a great experience.

love her dearly,
but I'd rather meet her there.

[electronic beeping]
here we go.

are you okay?
- You ready?

here I go.

- this is mean.
Do you see what she's doing?

you're doing that on purpose.

i'm not looking at you.

- please check your seatbelts.

once again, 50 minutes up
to sacramento.

- I will be the first chicken.

- clear skies, 60 degrees.

- clear skies.
Woo-hoo!

- would you be quiet?
I'm praying.

- oh.
Sorry.

- windy storm ahead.
Here we go.

- okay, now I want
to see outside.

- shh!
I'm serious. Be quiet.

shut up.
- You interrupted my prayer.

i love turbulence
and here's kyle like,

"oh, my god.
Oh."

- holy [bleep].

- what are you doing?
- Kyle, it's okay.

- the wheels are going up.

- no, it felt like
it was going back down.

- it's okay.
It's not.

it's just gonna rev back.

it's gonna pull back.

- no, but that was weird.

- she's a pain in the butt.

she's nervous.

every bump, she's like,
"oh, my god.

lisa! Lisa! Lisa!"
and I'm like,

"oh, for god's sake."

[thud]

- oh, my god.

[screams]
- oh, god.

- coming up on
the real housewives...

- kim was avoiding me
and giving me the cold shoulder

all through
the sacramento trip.

jury's out on kim.

[thud]

- oh, my god.

- kyle, calm down.

- I don't like the feeling
of not knowing

the pilots at all and my life
is in their hands

and that really
stresses me out.

- kyle, you've got to think
that, like,

a car on the road.

it's like bumps on the road.

- my car doesn't fly up
in the air like this.

- just pull yourself together.

she's kind of strange.

she does have
a few neurotic things

that I find difficult
to understand.

i mean, if she's got
a headache,

she's got a brain tumor,
or a cold,

she's got swine flu or
something.

she's like a nervous wreck.

- I thought I had a stroke.
Hold on.

i thought I had a stroke,
but it was my false eyelashes

were making one eye smaller
than the other.

- [laughs]

- this is the big man
right here.

- oh, this is the man
of my life.

- it's so beverly hills
to have the little dog.

i think, you know,
the women in beverly hills

have sort of made
that the thing to do

is to carry a dog as opposed
to just a purse as an accessory

and lisa does it well.

she can pull it off.

- this is a teacup.

- yeah.

- oh, jiggy's a riot.

it looks like it's not real.

it looks like it runs
on batteries or something.

- when I first met kyle,
we were at

a birthday party
for a one-year-old.

- yeah.
Exactly.

- so she has--how many children
do you have now?

- I have four daughters.

and I was, like, breastfeeding
my youngest, portia,

and she's like,
"do you want any more?"

i'm like, "maybe."
And she's like,

"what is wrong with you?"

- I had a surrogate--

surrogate carry
my two children.

so that makes it
a lot easier.

- I know some of my friends
would give

their right arm to be able
to carry a baby, so--

- it's such a positive
experience, if you can.

- the great perk is you get
to keep that great figure.

that seems to work out nicely.

[laughter]

- kyle, you survived.

- okay, we landed.

- I'm alive!
- Whoo!

- yoo-hoo!

- now I can have fun.

- okay, bring it on.

- come on.

wee-wee.

no, stop scratching.

can you take that?

thank you.

- adrienne really went
all out for this trip,

between the jet
and the limo,

and then as soon
as we landed

we were whisked off
to a beautiful restaurant.

- I'm just gonna have
the tuna tartare.

- these are party favors.

[overlapping chatter]

everybody grab your party favor.

[laughter]

kim, this one's for you.

- kyle is very comfortable
around a lot of people

and I'm not.

- does jig--does he ever walk
on the ground?

- he just did.
- Where?

- he did four steps
and a wee-wee.

[overlapping chatter]

- four steps and a wee-wee.

- [in british accent]
four steps and a wee-wee

when no one looks.

- that is not an english accent,
darling.

- whatever.

- we need to work on it.

they keep going on with this
faux english accent.

i'm like, "oh, god."

- [in british accent]
no, this is exactly--

this is how you talk.
- Do I talk like that?

- she can--when she says
"jiggy,"

it sounds exactly like you.

- that's the only word
she gets right.

see?

i love to tease her
about it

and she says that
i'm not good at it,

but I really, really am.

you know, I don't give
a flying frog, you know?

and it's like, oh,
so elegant.

- or "cover your rat."

- cover your what?
- Cover your rat.

- what's that mean?

- it's your--

- lisa's like, "what?"
- your rat?

- your rat is your--

- why would your rat
be uncovered anyway, camille?

[laughter]

- your rat or kelsey's rat?

- the cast of frasier
came to me and they said,

"please get him
to wear underwear.

we're sick of him
not wearing any."

I've been called a trophy wife
and I'm lot more than that.

i'm the powerhouse
behind kelsey grammer.

I've kept him alive,
I've saved his life,

and I'm still here
working with him.

- wait.
What?

- yes.

- I know camille really wants
to be her own person

and she wants to be seen
as an individual.

her best bet would be
to maybe not

talk about kelsey and
make it more about camille.

- are you serious?

- we're sick of seeing him.

- growing up as a child actress,

i had not a whole
lot of friends.

i know I have to work harder
being more social,

but I wasn't connecting
with anybody really.

- how are you doing?

- so good of you to bring your
girlfriends out to meet us all.

we're gonna have fun.

do they know how
fabulous you are?

should I tell 'em?
- You can tell 'em.

- okay.
- We don't mind that.

- hi.
- I'm taylor.

- it's nice to meet you.
Welcome to sacramento.

- martina.
- How are you?

- maloof style.

it was vip all the way.
Love it.

- that's my brother.

- oh, I want to say hi.
- Yeah.

- adrienne's family
owns this whole place

and we were treated
like queens.

- how are you?

- hi.
Good to see you again.

- hi. How are you?
Nice to see you.

- hi.
- Hello. How are you?

welcome.

- I've met gavin
and joe maloof before

at family functions
with adrienne.

they're such a dynamic family

and you can just see why they
have such an amazing empire.

- hi, omri.
Yeah. How are you?

good luck.
Nice to see you.

come meet my girlfriends.

as an nba owner,
you learn to really

develop friendships
with your players,

so it's like a big family.

- how's the baby?
- Who's gonna take it for me?

- yeah?

[overlapping chatter]

- okay, come here, darling.

- we met ron artest
and, um,

i think I met a couple
of the kings players,

but I don't remember
their names.

how awful is that?
But--

- hey, tyreke.
How are you?

- doing good.
How are you?

- good to see you again.

- it's so funny watching
adrienne

with these tall players
and she's this

beautiful, little,
petite woman.

think, "this is their boss."

- I love being courtside
on a basketball game,

and anytime kelsey gets tickets
courtside, I'm there.

i never hesitate.

it's just a,
"yes, we're going, honey.

yes, yes.
We'll be there courtside, yes."

[cheers and applause]

- if you get a chance to go
and see a game with adrienne,

absolutely,
it's a different experience.

[whistle blows]

- oh!

no.
Oh, my god.

people always ask me,
"what's it like

to own an nba basketball team?"

and it's nerve-racking.

you not only are a fan,
but you're an owner,

so every dribble of the ball,
every pass,

those nerves start up
and it can be brutal at times.

- camille's definitely not shy.

she got up, she danced,
she was just kind of

showing off a little bit.

- camille was dancing
with this

pantomime lion.

- it's called a mascot.

- woo-hoo!

i'm a lakers fan,
so I felt a little bit guilty.

[whistle blows]

[screams]

i was cheering for the lakers,
but every time,

i felt like, "oh, my god.
I keep forgetting that,

you know, I'm sitting with
the owners as their guest."

- I know that kim was sitting
down on the end

with taylor and she wasn't
quite comfortable.

it takes her a while
to trust other women.

she's a little more judgmental.

- it was all good fun,
but kim seemed

much more reserved and much more
on the outside.

maybe she went back
to witch mountain.

- the thing was I hadn't had a
real big connection with taylor

and so I just really was not
having the best time at all.

- felt like kim was
avoiding me

and giving me the cold shoulder
all through the sacramento trip.

[air horn blows]

i cannot figure kim out.

- coming up on
the real housewives...

- I take time out of my life
to help you.

- you have a husband.
You have kids.

you know where
you're gonna live.

i don't.

- hi.
How are you?

thank you.
- Did you enjoy the game?

- yes.
Thank you.

would have been
a perfect evening,

of course, had we won,

but the lakers.

yeah, they pulled through.

it was a close game though,
so.

well, but we'll
get 'em next year.

- thank you so much.

so much fun.
I loved it.

thank you.

- I was really happy
that kyle included me

to be with all the girls,

but I'm not gonna jump
all in and be friends

with everybody at first.

takes me time.

- mwah.

- in the beginning
of the sacramento trip,

i was trying to engage
with kim,

but toward the end
of the trip,

i just stopped trying
with her,

because I could tell
there was a wall there,

and I was not in the mood
to climb it.

- I brought a man.
- Oh, my gosh.

- muscle to move.
Hi.

- I'm finding all these little
baby pictures of us and stuff.

- hi, kim.
- Look at mom.

- hi.
Sorry.

- hey, kim, look at this picture
of mom I just found.

this is one of my copies
I've noticed--

- hey!
- Careful, guys.

- I know, but seriously,
you have one of dad.

kim is a very
co-dependent person.

i know that worried my mom,

so I promised my mom
when she was dying

that I would look
after my sister kim,

and I'm gonna keep that promise.

i think the last house
we saw was a good one.

i don't know why you don't
just take that one.

- because it didn't
have enough bedrooms

and my kids would have
to share.

- I feel like she--really
it's hard for her

to stand on her own.

it's making her
feel maybe insecure

and having to lean on
her family

and her kids more
than she should.

brooke's always
with her boyfriend

and whitney's
with her boyfriend

and kimberly's with john.

you're gonna end up being
in this big house by yourself.

- I feel like kyle oversteps
her boundaries.

i stay out of her
personal space

and I think that
she likes to be

very much a part
of what's in mine.

- anyway, I don't want you
to feel like I'm, like,

being hard on you
or mean to you.

i just feel like--

- well, then don't act
like that.

- I'm trying to help you find
a life outside of your kids

and I feel like you could
make more of an effort

with all of these girls.

- me even going to sacramento,

me getting on that plane
and leaving my kids,

was a huge thing.

- well, sacramento
was a lot of fun,

but you didn't seem
to want to have fun.

- maybe in those situations,

maybe you could help me
out a little.

- what do you mean,
helping you out?

i brought you in to meet all
of my friends.

adrienne invited you.

- you, like, kind of walk away
and leave me sitting there.

- I'm not gonna hold
your hand every second.

- no, I don't expect you
to hold my hand.

but it's like, honestly--

- I said, "go sit with one
of the girls--"

- but I don't know
any of the girls.

- well, maybe you can get
to know them.

- who can meet anybody
when you sit next

to somebody like taylor
who purposely

sits with her back
to you like this?

being a child actress,
I never really got

the opportunity to spend a lot
of time with other kids,

so when I'm in a group,
I do tend to stick

to someone close to me.

I've got a lot on my plate
right now and I'm--

- I do too.
- Well, you know what?

- first of all,
you don't think that--

- you have a house.
You have a husband.

you have kids.

you know where
you're gonna live.

i don't, so right now,

even though I want
to make friends,

it's really not
on my big priority list.

- I have a family too.
I have four kids.

i have a husband.
- I just said that.

- and I take time out
of my life to help you.

sometimes I think I cannot keep
this promise to my mom.

i just can't do this
anymore with her.

sometimes I just get so
overwhelmed by her.

and by the way,
a little "thank you"

now and then wouldn't hurt.

- and by the way,
I thank you all the time.

- why don't you just
do it on your own?

- I've been doing it
on my own for a long time.

i don't think that kyle
could understand

what it's like to be
a single parent.

- this season, on the real
housewives of beverly hills...

[cheering]

- yeah, baby!

- something happened in vegas.

totally out of left field.

- she said, "why would they be
interested in you

without kelsey there?"

- let's get the story straight.
I didn't say those things.

- don't throw jabs at me.

- it's good.

- what is this?

- you're gonna be gorgeous.

- we have to suffer for beauty.

- you're so dramatic.

- I can't breathe though.

- come on!

[chuckles]

- what is wrong with you?

- bend over.
It's not gonna hurt a bit.

- that's what you said
last time.

- ow!

okay, this one feels
like a really bad one.

oh, my god!

[cheering]

- kelsey!
- Thank you. How you doing?

- kelsey was nominated
for a tony.

it was very hard walking
down the red carpet

knowing that my marriage
was almost over.

i was absolutely devastated.

- I want to give my son
this chance.

i'm scared.

- russell and I are so
disconnected lately.

- if you can't change that,
what would you do?

- I don't want her to lose
anything in her life.

- you're such a [bleep] liar,
camille.

- do not [bleep]
drag me into this.

- oh, really?
Don't piss me off.

- that was a misunderstanding.

- you live in my house,
drive my car.

that's not cool.

- she posed naked in playboy
after the o.j. Trial.

that's her.

- as the host
of a dinner party,

i wouldn't have said it.

- I can tell you
when she will die

and what will happen
to her family.

- I was waiting for kyle
to fly across the table.

- this is all bull[bleep]
to me, okay?

- enough! Enough!

- why are they arguing?

- because women love to argue.

- oh, excuse me?

- can you do me a favor and just
stay away from me?

- oh, well, this is my party,

so do me a favor
and stay away from me.

- I wish, you know,
that night never happened.

after everything
that I have done for you--

- everything you've done for me?
- Yeah.

[bleep] you for talking
like that.

you better [bleep]--

- stop it!
- Stop! Stop it! Stop it!

- to learn more
about the housewives,