The Ray Bradbury Theater (1985–1992): Season 5, Episode 6 - The Utterly Perfect Murder - full transcript
As a boy, piano prodigy Douglas was tormented by a gang of bullies led by Ralph. Now, fifty years later, Doug looks for closure in his life--by traveling back to his hometown and murdering Ralph.
[theme music playing]
RAY BRADBURY: People ask,
where do you get your ideas?
Right here.
All of this is my
magician's toy shop.
I'm Ray Bradbury and this is--
[piano playing]
Please stop!
Don't!
I'm scared!
WOMAN: Hey, happy
birthday, Doug.
21.
MAN: The big 2-1, Dougie.
Join the club, man.
RALPH UNDERHILL:
(ON PHONE) Hello?
DOUG: Hello, Ralph.
Ralph Underhill?
MAN ON PHONE: Yes?
Who is it?
Hello?
Please, Ralph,
I don't want to.
I don't.
Got ya!
[inaudible], Dark Doug.
MAN: I can't believe
you're only 40 years old.
Seems like time
passes so quickly.
MAN: Very
distinguished, Douglas.
Big four oh.
[phone ringing]
MAN ON PHONE: Hello?
Who's calling?
They were playing?
That's what the
Underhill boy says.
He says he heard something,
and got scared and ran.
Then he was scared
to tell his folks.
Good lord.
This was a game?
WOMAN: Happy birthday, Doug.
MAN: Happy birthday, Doug.
MAN: Hey, Doug, happy birthday.
WOMAN: Bye.
WOMAN: See ya.
Thank you so much--
WOMAN: We'll see you next week.
I hate you, Ralph.
I loved you, Ralph Underhill.
YOUNG DOUG (VOICEOVER): Hey,
Ralph, best eggs in the world.
You want to see?
You will see it, Ralph.
Remember that birthday?
I do.
[beeping]
Good morning, honey.
Morning.
That's pretty catchy.
Uh-huh.
[music playing]
Oh-- when was the
armistice signed?
People will little
note nor long remember.
Ah-- no.
But you remembered.
Ah.
I must rise and go now.
But not to a be loud glade.
Ah.
I must pack.
Want a hand?
No, no.
I'm just going to put
a couple of things
in a bag for a couple of days.
- Chicago, you said?
- Yeah.
Chicago.
- They couldn't hate that.
No, as a matter of
fact, they like that one.
In fact, I think
I may be sentenced
to the entire campaign.
Meet Doug, king of the jingle.
YOUNG DOUG (VOICEOVER):
Hey, Ralph, gotta paint it.
What do you think?
RALPH (VOICEOVER): Who
wanted your stupid dinosaur?
Go play piano, sissy!
You don't look much
standing next to me, shrimp.
Wanna step on the piano stool?
[beeping]
Ralph Underhill.
MAN ON PHONE: Hello?
It's time, Ralph.
It's time to show and tell.
[piano music]
WOMAN (VOICEOVER): But you've
got a special gift, Doug.
That's far more important
than being in some club.
RALPH (VOICEOVER): Piano
players don't shoot marbles.
Marbles are for normal kids.
If it's so great,
Doug, let me see it.
Come on.
Gimme.
Who needs it?
Need anything else?
Huh?
No, just a--
check, thanks.
You're welcome.
RALPH (VOICEOVER): You'll
probably chicken out, Spalding.
But we'll give you a chance.
So, you want to be in
the club, eh, Doug?
So, it's simple.
Come on.
All of us have done
old Wiley's windows.
You're chicken, Spalding!
Go home!
[clucking]
[laughter]
Outta my way, sucker!
Damn fools!
I told you not to
run away, sucker!
It only makes me madder, right?
Don't worry, though--
I won't hurt these
pretty little fingers.
You ain't part of
our club, Spalding.
You'll never belong anywhere.
And you try to think
you're OK, but we know.
Don't we, Doug?
Just look me up when
you're old and gray.
I'll remind you.
I'll look you up, Ralph.
RALPH (VOICEOVER): So, you want
to be in the club, eh, Doug?
So, it's simple.
Come on.
We've all done old
Wiley's windows.
Well, hello.
This your place?
It used to be mine.
See up there?
My bedroom window.
I used to lie up
there summer mornings,
waiting for my pals to come
and toss pebbles on the window.
And call me out to play.
They didn't like me
playing the piano.
All that practice-- even
winning competitions.
They thought I was weird.
Said I was nuts.
Maybe they were right.
Oh-- you, too?
OK.
All right.
I'm going.
[piano music]
Please, Ralph?
Be a pal?
No chickening out
once you got started.
That's the rule.
I made a mistake, Ralph.
Please!
Let me go!
Uh-uh.
Got ya!
[inaudible], Dark Doug.
Please, Ralph-- don't!
I hate it here!
I'm scared.
I'm scared.
It's the only way, Doug.
Guys who want to
be part of our club
have to spend their birthday
night in the ravine.
Sometimes they get in.
And sometimes they just die.
Come on.
Please, Ralph!
I hate the dark!
[laughter]
Hell, Spalding,
what do you want?
You, Ralph.
You!
Underhill.
WOMAN: I think there's
someone on the porch, Raph.
Initiation fee, Ralph.
Initiation fee to the club.
[doorbell]
RALPH: Who is it?
Your old buddy.
Me.
[doorbell]
RALPH: Who's there?
Me.
Me!
Who?
My god.
Yes.
My god.
Bang.
You're dead, Ralph.
Bang.
You're dead.
Doug?
Doug-- is that you?
Doug?
Doug, is-- is that you?
Doug?
Doug?
[barking]
Doug!
Doug!
Come on out and play.
Wait for me!
Wait up!
Wait.
[music playing]
RAY BRADBURY: People ask,
where do you get your ideas?
Right here.
All of this is my
magician's toy shop.
I'm Ray Bradbury and this is--
[piano playing]
Please stop!
Don't!
I'm scared!
WOMAN: Hey, happy
birthday, Doug.
21.
MAN: The big 2-1, Dougie.
Join the club, man.
RALPH UNDERHILL:
(ON PHONE) Hello?
DOUG: Hello, Ralph.
Ralph Underhill?
MAN ON PHONE: Yes?
Who is it?
Hello?
Please, Ralph,
I don't want to.
I don't.
Got ya!
[inaudible], Dark Doug.
MAN: I can't believe
you're only 40 years old.
Seems like time
passes so quickly.
MAN: Very
distinguished, Douglas.
Big four oh.
[phone ringing]
MAN ON PHONE: Hello?
Who's calling?
They were playing?
That's what the
Underhill boy says.
He says he heard something,
and got scared and ran.
Then he was scared
to tell his folks.
Good lord.
This was a game?
WOMAN: Happy birthday, Doug.
MAN: Happy birthday, Doug.
MAN: Hey, Doug, happy birthday.
WOMAN: Bye.
WOMAN: See ya.
Thank you so much--
WOMAN: We'll see you next week.
I hate you, Ralph.
I loved you, Ralph Underhill.
YOUNG DOUG (VOICEOVER): Hey,
Ralph, best eggs in the world.
You want to see?
You will see it, Ralph.
Remember that birthday?
I do.
[beeping]
Good morning, honey.
Morning.
That's pretty catchy.
Uh-huh.
[music playing]
Oh-- when was the
armistice signed?
People will little
note nor long remember.
Ah-- no.
But you remembered.
Ah.
I must rise and go now.
But not to a be loud glade.
Ah.
I must pack.
Want a hand?
No, no.
I'm just going to put
a couple of things
in a bag for a couple of days.
- Chicago, you said?
- Yeah.
Chicago.
- They couldn't hate that.
No, as a matter of
fact, they like that one.
In fact, I think
I may be sentenced
to the entire campaign.
Meet Doug, king of the jingle.
YOUNG DOUG (VOICEOVER):
Hey, Ralph, gotta paint it.
What do you think?
RALPH (VOICEOVER): Who
wanted your stupid dinosaur?
Go play piano, sissy!
You don't look much
standing next to me, shrimp.
Wanna step on the piano stool?
[beeping]
Ralph Underhill.
MAN ON PHONE: Hello?
It's time, Ralph.
It's time to show and tell.
[piano music]
WOMAN (VOICEOVER): But you've
got a special gift, Doug.
That's far more important
than being in some club.
RALPH (VOICEOVER): Piano
players don't shoot marbles.
Marbles are for normal kids.
If it's so great,
Doug, let me see it.
Come on.
Gimme.
Who needs it?
Need anything else?
Huh?
No, just a--
check, thanks.
You're welcome.
RALPH (VOICEOVER): You'll
probably chicken out, Spalding.
But we'll give you a chance.
So, you want to be in
the club, eh, Doug?
So, it's simple.
Come on.
All of us have done
old Wiley's windows.
You're chicken, Spalding!
Go home!
[clucking]
[laughter]
Outta my way, sucker!
Damn fools!
I told you not to
run away, sucker!
It only makes me madder, right?
Don't worry, though--
I won't hurt these
pretty little fingers.
You ain't part of
our club, Spalding.
You'll never belong anywhere.
And you try to think
you're OK, but we know.
Don't we, Doug?
Just look me up when
you're old and gray.
I'll remind you.
I'll look you up, Ralph.
RALPH (VOICEOVER): So, you want
to be in the club, eh, Doug?
So, it's simple.
Come on.
We've all done old
Wiley's windows.
Well, hello.
This your place?
It used to be mine.
See up there?
My bedroom window.
I used to lie up
there summer mornings,
waiting for my pals to come
and toss pebbles on the window.
And call me out to play.
They didn't like me
playing the piano.
All that practice-- even
winning competitions.
They thought I was weird.
Said I was nuts.
Maybe they were right.
Oh-- you, too?
OK.
All right.
I'm going.
[piano music]
Please, Ralph?
Be a pal?
No chickening out
once you got started.
That's the rule.
I made a mistake, Ralph.
Please!
Let me go!
Uh-uh.
Got ya!
[inaudible], Dark Doug.
Please, Ralph-- don't!
I hate it here!
I'm scared.
I'm scared.
It's the only way, Doug.
Guys who want to
be part of our club
have to spend their birthday
night in the ravine.
Sometimes they get in.
And sometimes they just die.
Come on.
Please, Ralph!
I hate the dark!
[laughter]
Hell, Spalding,
what do you want?
You, Ralph.
You!
Underhill.
WOMAN: I think there's
someone on the porch, Raph.
Initiation fee, Ralph.
Initiation fee to the club.
[doorbell]
RALPH: Who is it?
Your old buddy.
Me.
[doorbell]
RALPH: Who's there?
Me.
Me!
Who?
My god.
Yes.
My god.
Bang.
You're dead, Ralph.
Bang.
You're dead.
Doug?
Doug-- is that you?
Doug?
Doug, is-- is that you?
Doug?
Doug?
[barking]
Doug!
Doug!
Come on out and play.
Wait for me!
Wait up!
Wait.
[music playing]