The Ray Bradbury Theater (1985–1992): Season 5, Episode 5 - The Concrete Mixer - full transcript
An invasion force from Mars heads to Earth, prepared to overcome a strong military resistance. Instead, when they arrive they are greeted by glad-handing community representatives, a marching band, and the key to the city. The ali...
[theme music]
RAY BRADBURY
(VOICEOVER): People ask,
where do you get your ideas?
Right here.
All of this is my
magician's toy shop.
I'm Ray Bradbury.
And this is--
[theme music]
[music playing]
Have you changed your mind?
No, Assignor.
I have not and I will not.
You know what you're doing?
Very well.
It is you who does not
know what he is doing.
A splendid historical thing.
And you, Ettil Vyre, bearer
of the most famous name
in our military tradition,
should be ashamed
that you refuse to go with us.
It is an
ill-conceived escapade.
You will all be destroyed.
I choose to die at home.
As you wish.
[music playing]
About!
About face!
Why are they here?
You gave me your word.
I'm sorry.
We need you.
TYLLA: We need you.
I'm glad he broke
his word, Ettil.
But there is no hope.
Here, none indeed.
But there, at least some hope.
Don't die, father.
Please go with them.
And come back to us.
You may die in shame in
front of your own wife and son
or rise up in glory to
travel across space.
I will rise up in glory--
to die later.
We leave at dawn.
I shall grant you house
arrest to say your farewells.
MAN: All dismissed!
[music playing]
Father?
Why was it hard to choose?
Ket, up there,
millions of miles
away, is a planet called Earth.
They call us,
strangely, Martians.
And tomorrow, we Martians
fly to invade Earth.
But you are a soldier.
Let me show you
something, Ket.
These are treason.
"Fantasy on Mars."
"Unbelievable Stories."
[chuckles]
Earth magazines.
Forbidden.
Forbidden?
Why?
Your great-grandfather
brought these back when we
made our first visit to Earth.
He thought they were amusing.
But our leaders did not and
ordered them to be burned.
But he saved some
for me to read.
Well, why should
they be burned?
Because they say all
our invasions failed.
Invariably, our heroic
warriors, our grand warships
were destroyed in this long-ago
literature by one young man,
usually lean and well-muscled.
Someone called Mick, or
Rick, or Connors, or Banyon,
but most often Rick.
But that's stupid.
But generations
of Earthmen have
read and absorbed these stories,
the literature of winning--
always winning against
the green monsters, us.
They'll be waiting
and ready for us.
Yet, we fly to attack and die.
But we're not green monsters.
And I don't think that Rick is
waiting there to destroy you.
You may be right.
But I'm sure something is.
Earth!
What a silly name.
What a silly planet
and a silly people.
We shall crush them, and grow
them up and crush them again.
It is our destiny.
Earth is doomed.
Doomed.
[whistling and static]
Calling Martian
invasion fleet.
What?
This is Earth calling.
I am William Summers,
president of the Association
of United American Consumers.
What did he say?
Land, and we
welcome all of you.
Our planet, Earth, is yours.
We are all brothers.
Must be a trick.
We shall soon find out.
[music playing]
[clanking]
[powering down]
They're ready for us.
Uniforms.
I can see strange weapons.
For valor, Martian boys.
Now!
[music - "national emblem"]
Earth.
ASSIGNOR: On your guard, men.
[music playing]
A war song.
What are the words?
[clicking]
[beep]
Oh, the monkey wrapped his
tail around the flagpole.
Monkey.
Flagpole.
[music playing]
[applause]
Earthmen, I call
on you to surrender!
What's he saying, Bob?
You must realize your
position is hopeless.
You must give up!
What?
What?
I said you must give in!
JOURNALIST: Why are you here?
Come on, men!
JOURNALIST: Wait!
Come back, come back!
[music playing]
What's that?
I'm not sure.
But be careful.
[music playing]
The key, sir.
Symbolic, of course.
The key to Earth.
You conquered our hearts.
What?
Conquered?
And won us over.
Won?
And not a shot fired.
Come up here and
give us a few words.
[chatter]
[clears throat]
Well, uh, thank you
for accepting the, uh--
we are glad to be here.
[cheering and applause]
[MUSIC - "FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD
FELLOW"]
[squeals]
[giggles]
MAN: Have one, buddy.
Thank you, no.
MAN: Greetings, pal.
Earthly popcorn!
[music playing]
What's this?
It's called "hot dog."
How do you know?
I used to read
banned literature.
Assignor, don't you feel it?
Feel what?
I'm not sure.
But something's going
to happen to us.
You've got a plan?
Something evil and terrible?
Look, all I know is they're
going to do something to us.
Ettil Vyre,
they're mystic rats.
Vile rats.
Well, they're sincere.
But I feel as if we were in
a big acid fat melting away.
ASSIGNOR: Thanks
for the science.
All right, we'll kill
every one of them.
How can you kill people
who give you flowers
and call you "pal" and "buddy"?
Do you know what "hail,
fellow well met" means?
Why, sir, it's the glad hand.
We're big hearted.
Yes, sirree.
Chug-a-lug.
You chug-a-lug first.
Don't mind if I do.
There's nothing
to worry about.
We take their food and drink.
Now we take their town.
Men, fall in!
Attention!
GREETER: A parade?
No, we are moving into town.
We shall place small
garrisons of men
about to be sure all is well.
Hey, I'm sure you've got ships
all over doing the same thing.
I admire your
professionalism, sir.
Forward!
Our band is yours, sir.
[drumroll]
[marching music]
MAN: Hey, everyone.
Stay alert.
Stay alert.
MAN: Hurry, here they come.
Here they are.
[chatter]
[music playing]
MAN: Over here, over here!
Hey!
Ah, look.
They look so nice.
Oh-ho!
Oh-ho!
Oh-ho!
[laughter]
[engine revving]
[music playing]
WOMAN: I like the suit, honey.
Come on over.
I like the suit, honey.
WOMAN: Come on over.
WOMAN: Want some action?
[rock music from radio]
[dog barking]
[laughter]
[horn honking]
- Aah!
[tires screeching]
[music playing]
Let him go, men.
He's a coward.
[music playing]
[heartbeat]
[pants]
[chatter]
All you Martians are cute.
[laughter]
You want something to eat?
Hey, buddy.
Have another one.
[dance music from car radio]
ASSIGNOR: Attention!
Men!
Men, attention!
[chatter]
[car radio playing]
[crickets chirping]
[music playing]
ETTIL (VOICEOVER): Dear
Tylla, it is Ettil.
Ket, it's your father.
He is talking to us.
ETTIL (VOICEOVER): To
think that in my naivety,
I had imagined the Earthmen
would have to counterattack
with guns and bombs.
But no, no.
I was sadly wrong.
There is no Rick,
or Mick, or Banyan.
There are robots with
pink rubber bodies.
Real, but somehow unreal.
Alive, but somehow
automatic in all responses.
ETTIL (VOICEOVER):
We have been dropped
like a shovelful of seeds
into a large concrete mixer.
Nothing of us will survive.
We will be destroyed not by
the gun, but by the glad hand.
Good night, Tylla.
I shall now go back and make a
last attempt to save our souls.
I shall probably
die in the attempt.
My love to our son.
My love to our son.
Have you been saved, sir?
What?
Have you been saved?
This will save me?
Yes, sir.
Then you will go to
that far better place
where we all are one day going.
A better place than this?
A peaceful land
of milk and honey.
Why, yes.
Everyone happy.
Yes, yes.
I remember.
You can't.
You haven't been there yet.
But I was born there.
No, no.
You got to die to go there.
But first, you must be saved.
[singing] Shall we
gather at the river
where bright angel
feet have trod?
With its crystal tide forever--
[horn honking]
[laughter]
[horn honking]
You're cut.
It's cheese.
[chatter]
[laughter]
[car radio playing]
Whoops!
Oh, yeah, breaking the law.
Ha, ha!
WOMAN: Full house.
I win.
Hey!
Hey!
[inaudible]
[chatter]
ASSIGNOR: Ettil!
Ettil!
You were right.
It's happened!
No!
Our men have gone--
[horn honking]
[screaming]
[music playing]
OK.
Yeah, I got it.
[police radio]
Oh, I'm sorry about
your pal, friend.
He just came out of nowhere,
you know what I mean?
Where are they taking him?
To the best mortician
money can buy.
And not to worry, son.
He'll look as good as new.
I'll take you to
see him in a bit.
But first, you need a drink.
You are a Martian, right?
Yeah.
Come dance with me.
Oh, oh!
I just love the way you move.
Waiter!
Three Manhattans here.
Don't touch your wallet, kid.
This is on me and Big Studios.
Big Studios?
Yeah, movies, son.
The silver screen.
The name is Van Plank.
Maybe you've heard of me.
What's-- what's this?
Well, you don't do
movies without a contract.
You know, the idea
came to me in a flash.
Mars invades Earth.
Great idea for a movie.
All I had to do was to
find a true Martian hero.
And bingo, like
fate, there you were.
Skoal, kid.
Ah!
Now you're gonna want money,
and we got plenty of it.
Plus, I got a little black
book here filled with peaches--
I don't like your
Earth food much.
Now, here's what I
got in mind, all right?
Martians, the night before they
leave for Earth, all right?
This big pow-wow.
They're drumming and
drumming, boomba, boomba.
Everybody's getting stewed.
We don't get stewed on Mars.
There's a golden
city in the background.
There's no gold on Mars.
There is now, kid.
Skoal.
Ah!
Cut to the Martians.
They're all dancing
around this big fire.
Then the lovely
Martian lady comes in.
She's blonde.
She's tall.
Martian women are dark.
Not anymore, they ain't.
Look, kid, you're
making a hit movie here.
You got to give the
fans what they want.
Anyway, what's your name?
Ettil.
A woman's name.
From now on, you're Joe.
Joe, Martian superstar.
What'll it be, Joe?
What do you say?
I'll give you 100 grand
guaranteed, plus an option
on three more epics.
So, uh, come on, kid.
Sign it up.
ETTIL: RR Van Plank.
Yeah, that's, uh, Richard.
Richard Robert.
Richard?
Do your friends--
I mean, do they
ever call you Rick?
Rick, yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Rick.
[glass clank]
- Rick!
So you're the one.
It was you all along.
No bulging muscles.
No blond hair.
No lean jaw.
Just fistfuls of
drinks and a fat belly.
Hey!
Rick!
Oh, destroyer of Mars!
Rick!
Rick!
Hey, you ain't signed
your contract yet!
Rick!
Ha!
I can make you a star!
[chatter]
MAN: Yeah, that's it.
Come on!
[punch]
[punch]
[music playing]
Do you all have the same name?
[screaming]
[music playing]
KET (VOICEOVER): What song
are you playing, mother?
TYLLA (VOICEOVER): One of
Earth's victory marches.
He said they never had a chance.
[music playing]
[music playing]
RAY BRADBURY
(VOICEOVER): People ask,
where do you get your ideas?
Right here.
All of this is my
magician's toy shop.
I'm Ray Bradbury.
And this is--
[theme music]
[music playing]
Have you changed your mind?
No, Assignor.
I have not and I will not.
You know what you're doing?
Very well.
It is you who does not
know what he is doing.
A splendid historical thing.
And you, Ettil Vyre, bearer
of the most famous name
in our military tradition,
should be ashamed
that you refuse to go with us.
It is an
ill-conceived escapade.
You will all be destroyed.
I choose to die at home.
As you wish.
[music playing]
About!
About face!
Why are they here?
You gave me your word.
I'm sorry.
We need you.
TYLLA: We need you.
I'm glad he broke
his word, Ettil.
But there is no hope.
Here, none indeed.
But there, at least some hope.
Don't die, father.
Please go with them.
And come back to us.
You may die in shame in
front of your own wife and son
or rise up in glory to
travel across space.
I will rise up in glory--
to die later.
We leave at dawn.
I shall grant you house
arrest to say your farewells.
MAN: All dismissed!
[music playing]
Father?
Why was it hard to choose?
Ket, up there,
millions of miles
away, is a planet called Earth.
They call us,
strangely, Martians.
And tomorrow, we Martians
fly to invade Earth.
But you are a soldier.
Let me show you
something, Ket.
These are treason.
"Fantasy on Mars."
"Unbelievable Stories."
[chuckles]
Earth magazines.
Forbidden.
Forbidden?
Why?
Your great-grandfather
brought these back when we
made our first visit to Earth.
He thought they were amusing.
But our leaders did not and
ordered them to be burned.
But he saved some
for me to read.
Well, why should
they be burned?
Because they say all
our invasions failed.
Invariably, our heroic
warriors, our grand warships
were destroyed in this long-ago
literature by one young man,
usually lean and well-muscled.
Someone called Mick, or
Rick, or Connors, or Banyon,
but most often Rick.
But that's stupid.
But generations
of Earthmen have
read and absorbed these stories,
the literature of winning--
always winning against
the green monsters, us.
They'll be waiting
and ready for us.
Yet, we fly to attack and die.
But we're not green monsters.
And I don't think that Rick is
waiting there to destroy you.
You may be right.
But I'm sure something is.
Earth!
What a silly name.
What a silly planet
and a silly people.
We shall crush them, and grow
them up and crush them again.
It is our destiny.
Earth is doomed.
Doomed.
[whistling and static]
Calling Martian
invasion fleet.
What?
This is Earth calling.
I am William Summers,
president of the Association
of United American Consumers.
What did he say?
Land, and we
welcome all of you.
Our planet, Earth, is yours.
We are all brothers.
Must be a trick.
We shall soon find out.
[music playing]
[clanking]
[powering down]
They're ready for us.
Uniforms.
I can see strange weapons.
For valor, Martian boys.
Now!
[music - "national emblem"]
Earth.
ASSIGNOR: On your guard, men.
[music playing]
A war song.
What are the words?
[clicking]
[beep]
Oh, the monkey wrapped his
tail around the flagpole.
Monkey.
Flagpole.
[music playing]
[applause]
Earthmen, I call
on you to surrender!
What's he saying, Bob?
You must realize your
position is hopeless.
You must give up!
What?
What?
I said you must give in!
JOURNALIST: Why are you here?
Come on, men!
JOURNALIST: Wait!
Come back, come back!
[music playing]
What's that?
I'm not sure.
But be careful.
[music playing]
The key, sir.
Symbolic, of course.
The key to Earth.
You conquered our hearts.
What?
Conquered?
And won us over.
Won?
And not a shot fired.
Come up here and
give us a few words.
[chatter]
[clears throat]
Well, uh, thank you
for accepting the, uh--
we are glad to be here.
[cheering and applause]
[MUSIC - "FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD
FELLOW"]
[squeals]
[giggles]
MAN: Have one, buddy.
Thank you, no.
MAN: Greetings, pal.
Earthly popcorn!
[music playing]
What's this?
It's called "hot dog."
How do you know?
I used to read
banned literature.
Assignor, don't you feel it?
Feel what?
I'm not sure.
But something's going
to happen to us.
You've got a plan?
Something evil and terrible?
Look, all I know is they're
going to do something to us.
Ettil Vyre,
they're mystic rats.
Vile rats.
Well, they're sincere.
But I feel as if we were in
a big acid fat melting away.
ASSIGNOR: Thanks
for the science.
All right, we'll kill
every one of them.
How can you kill people
who give you flowers
and call you "pal" and "buddy"?
Do you know what "hail,
fellow well met" means?
Why, sir, it's the glad hand.
We're big hearted.
Yes, sirree.
Chug-a-lug.
You chug-a-lug first.
Don't mind if I do.
There's nothing
to worry about.
We take their food and drink.
Now we take their town.
Men, fall in!
Attention!
GREETER: A parade?
No, we are moving into town.
We shall place small
garrisons of men
about to be sure all is well.
Hey, I'm sure you've got ships
all over doing the same thing.
I admire your
professionalism, sir.
Forward!
Our band is yours, sir.
[drumroll]
[marching music]
MAN: Hey, everyone.
Stay alert.
Stay alert.
MAN: Hurry, here they come.
Here they are.
[chatter]
[music playing]
MAN: Over here, over here!
Hey!
Ah, look.
They look so nice.
Oh-ho!
Oh-ho!
Oh-ho!
[laughter]
[engine revving]
[music playing]
WOMAN: I like the suit, honey.
Come on over.
I like the suit, honey.
WOMAN: Come on over.
WOMAN: Want some action?
[rock music from radio]
[dog barking]
[laughter]
[horn honking]
- Aah!
[tires screeching]
[music playing]
Let him go, men.
He's a coward.
[music playing]
[heartbeat]
[pants]
[chatter]
All you Martians are cute.
[laughter]
You want something to eat?
Hey, buddy.
Have another one.
[dance music from car radio]
ASSIGNOR: Attention!
Men!
Men, attention!
[chatter]
[car radio playing]
[crickets chirping]
[music playing]
ETTIL (VOICEOVER): Dear
Tylla, it is Ettil.
Ket, it's your father.
He is talking to us.
ETTIL (VOICEOVER): To
think that in my naivety,
I had imagined the Earthmen
would have to counterattack
with guns and bombs.
But no, no.
I was sadly wrong.
There is no Rick,
or Mick, or Banyan.
There are robots with
pink rubber bodies.
Real, but somehow unreal.
Alive, but somehow
automatic in all responses.
ETTIL (VOICEOVER):
We have been dropped
like a shovelful of seeds
into a large concrete mixer.
Nothing of us will survive.
We will be destroyed not by
the gun, but by the glad hand.
Good night, Tylla.
I shall now go back and make a
last attempt to save our souls.
I shall probably
die in the attempt.
My love to our son.
My love to our son.
Have you been saved, sir?
What?
Have you been saved?
This will save me?
Yes, sir.
Then you will go to
that far better place
where we all are one day going.
A better place than this?
A peaceful land
of milk and honey.
Why, yes.
Everyone happy.
Yes, yes.
I remember.
You can't.
You haven't been there yet.
But I was born there.
No, no.
You got to die to go there.
But first, you must be saved.
[singing] Shall we
gather at the river
where bright angel
feet have trod?
With its crystal tide forever--
[horn honking]
[laughter]
[horn honking]
You're cut.
It's cheese.
[chatter]
[laughter]
[car radio playing]
Whoops!
Oh, yeah, breaking the law.
Ha, ha!
WOMAN: Full house.
I win.
Hey!
Hey!
[inaudible]
[chatter]
ASSIGNOR: Ettil!
Ettil!
You were right.
It's happened!
No!
Our men have gone--
[horn honking]
[screaming]
[music playing]
OK.
Yeah, I got it.
[police radio]
Oh, I'm sorry about
your pal, friend.
He just came out of nowhere,
you know what I mean?
Where are they taking him?
To the best mortician
money can buy.
And not to worry, son.
He'll look as good as new.
I'll take you to
see him in a bit.
But first, you need a drink.
You are a Martian, right?
Yeah.
Come dance with me.
Oh, oh!
I just love the way you move.
Waiter!
Three Manhattans here.
Don't touch your wallet, kid.
This is on me and Big Studios.
Big Studios?
Yeah, movies, son.
The silver screen.
The name is Van Plank.
Maybe you've heard of me.
What's-- what's this?
Well, you don't do
movies without a contract.
You know, the idea
came to me in a flash.
Mars invades Earth.
Great idea for a movie.
All I had to do was to
find a true Martian hero.
And bingo, like
fate, there you were.
Skoal, kid.
Ah!
Now you're gonna want money,
and we got plenty of it.
Plus, I got a little black
book here filled with peaches--
I don't like your
Earth food much.
Now, here's what I
got in mind, all right?
Martians, the night before they
leave for Earth, all right?
This big pow-wow.
They're drumming and
drumming, boomba, boomba.
Everybody's getting stewed.
We don't get stewed on Mars.
There's a golden
city in the background.
There's no gold on Mars.
There is now, kid.
Skoal.
Ah!
Cut to the Martians.
They're all dancing
around this big fire.
Then the lovely
Martian lady comes in.
She's blonde.
She's tall.
Martian women are dark.
Not anymore, they ain't.
Look, kid, you're
making a hit movie here.
You got to give the
fans what they want.
Anyway, what's your name?
Ettil.
A woman's name.
From now on, you're Joe.
Joe, Martian superstar.
What'll it be, Joe?
What do you say?
I'll give you 100 grand
guaranteed, plus an option
on three more epics.
So, uh, come on, kid.
Sign it up.
ETTIL: RR Van Plank.
Yeah, that's, uh, Richard.
Richard Robert.
Richard?
Do your friends--
I mean, do they
ever call you Rick?
Rick, yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Rick.
[glass clank]
- Rick!
So you're the one.
It was you all along.
No bulging muscles.
No blond hair.
No lean jaw.
Just fistfuls of
drinks and a fat belly.
Hey!
Rick!
Oh, destroyer of Mars!
Rick!
Rick!
Hey, you ain't signed
your contract yet!
Rick!
Ha!
I can make you a star!
[chatter]
MAN: Yeah, that's it.
Come on!
[punch]
[punch]
[music playing]
Do you all have the same name?
[screaming]
[music playing]
KET (VOICEOVER): What song
are you playing, mother?
TYLLA (VOICEOVER): One of
Earth's victory marches.
He said they never had a chance.
[music playing]
[music playing]