The Ray Bradbury Theater (1985–1992): Season 2, Episode 4 - Gotcha! - full transcript
At a masquerade party, a lonely man dressed as comedian Oliver Hardy is about to leave, when he meets a woman costumed as Hardy's comic partner Stan Laurel ! Captivated with each other, they run off into the night. They stay in love and in their fantasy, until the man muses if this dream can last ? The woman suggests they see, by playing a game she calls Gotcha !
[music playing]
[door creaks]
[foot steps]
RAY BRADBURY
(VOICEOVER): People ask,
where do you get your ideas?
Well, right here.
All of this is my
martian landscape.
Somewhere in this room
is an African veldt.
Just beyond perhaps is a small
Illinois town where I grew up.
And I'm surrounded on every
side by my magician's toy shop.
I'll never starve here.
I just look around, find
what I need, and begin.
I'm Ray Bradbury.
And this is--
Well, then, right
now, what shall it be?
Out of all this, what do
I choose to make a story.
I never know where the
next one will take me.
The trip, exactly one
half exhilaration,
exactly one half terror.
[music playing]
[dog barking]
[distant party chatter]
[music playing]
I told him not to
invest in that stock.
But would he listen to me.
I got out ahead of everyone.
JOHN (VOICEOVER): I
guess the place to start
is at the beginning, they're
at that boring party,
where we first met.
My psychoanalysis said that--
No, like he became a dictator.
Excuse me.
I think I'm supposed
to be somewhere else.
Oh, I don't know.
Want a drink?
No, no, I'm fine.
Thanks.
Stanley, this is another
fine mess you've got me into.
Excuse me.
[party chatter]
[music playing]
Stanley.
Ollie.
Well, Stanley, this is another
fine mess you've got me in.
I'm sorry, Ollie.
I was just about to say
the same thing myself.
Don't just do
something, stand there.
I mean, why don't
you do something
instead of standing there?
I will.
Trust me.
Yes.
Well then.
JOHN (VOICEOVER): And trust
her I did as though I've
known her all my life
instead of five minutes,
ready and willing to place my
faith completely in her hands.
What--
Come with me.
I don't-- sh, sh.
OK, where are we?
Don't you know?
Look.
What?
[bell tolling]
It's can't be.
It is.
But Laurel and Hardy
never made a movie here.
4,000 miles from here.
The music box, 57 years ago.
But then what
is that up there?
The piano box.
The music box that
Laurel and Hardy carried
all the way up the
steps and then it chased
them all the way back again.
In 19--
31.
We shot this one-minute
commercial here today
with Laurel and
Hardy lookalikes.
And we couldn't afford
to fly Los Angeles.
So we found this hill
by God and these steps.
And we paid 40 bucks
for that piano crate.
You want to see?
Uh-- we were going up there?
Together.
How long do you think
it'll take to get to the top?
Oh, six months, or if
we're lucky, 30, 40 years.
Race you to the top.
No, no, I don't
want us both to win.
And when we get to
the top, what then?
We'll be in the
need for a kiss.
Ah, suddenly I can't move.
[music playing]
Oh, Stanley.
Oh, Ollie.
I don't want to go to the top.
Why?
Because then we'll just
have to come back down.
Oh.
OK, about face.
You be Oliver Hardy.
And I'll be the piano
case chasing you down.
JOHN (VOICEOVER): And like
that music box, head over heels
I fell in love.
And then there's
the one they did
about a gorilla who
wore a ballet outfit
and then did a
dance in their room.
The one about when
the bad guys twisted
their heads around backwards.
And then there's
the one where--
Yeah.
Stan lighted his thumb
like a cigarette lighter.
And--
Thank you.
Thank you.
It's the one where they
adopted a baby, remember?
Mm, hm.
And then his wife left him.
And they had to
take care of it alone.
- Whose wife?
- Stan's.
Ollie's.
Ollie's.
I got an idea.
JOHN (VOICEOVER):
Incredibly in love.
We said it.
We knew it.
When we weren't staring at
each other, we were hugging.
When we weren't hugging,
we were kissing.
[giggling]
Here's another fine
mess you got me in.
Well, good night.
Good night.
[music playing]
JOHN (VOICEOVER): Ours
was a love affair,
printed out in capitals.
Underline it.
Find some metallics.
And exclamation points.
Put up the fireworks.
Tear down the clouds.
[music playing]
JOHN (VOICEOVER): Anyway it was
the 4th of July every night,
New Year's every day.
It was a bobsled downhill,
and everything cold racing by
and beauty and two
warm people holding
tight and yelling with joy.
[music playing]
JOHN (VOICEOVER):
Laurel and Hardy
we would be forever, or almost
forever, until everything went
to hell.
I never laughed
so much in my life.
But it-- but it has to
stop sometime, doesn't it?
What?
Well, the laughter.
Why should it?
It always does.
Not with us.
Why did you ask that?
All good things end.
Gotcha.
What?
You never played
the game Gotcha?
I never even heard of it.
Ah, I've been
playing it all my life.
Where do you buy
it, in a store?
No no, I made it up.
I almost made it up.
And if you're real good,
one night soon Gotcha.
[honking horn]
[click of buttons]
[scratching of pen]
[phone rings]
Yeah.
ALICIA (OVER PHONE): Hello.
Well, Hello.
ALICIA (OVER PHONE): Spur
of the moment, wild idea.
Be ready.
I'm taking you on
a vacation to--
- Paris?
- No.
London?
- No.
- Rome?
Gotcha.
Uh--
You remember.
JOHN (OVER PHONE) Oh, the game.
What's it called again?
Gotcha.
JOHN (OVER PHONE) That's the
game I never heard of, right?
You'll love it.
I love everything we do.
It'll scare the
hell out of you.
[music playing]
Here we are.
Do you realize what
part of town this is?
[distant yelling]
- Um--
- That'll be $15.
Rates are kind of high in
this placement, aren't they?
Cash.
Yeah
[low grow]
Yeah.
Do you have an
elevator in this place?
If there is, I ain't seen it.
Line from an old movie.
[humming]
Hold it.
Hold it.
[fan whirring]
[faucet dripping]
Oh, good, good, that's great.
Crackers and cheap
champagne, that's wonderful.
Tuna fish, all right.
So this is a vacation, huh?
Open the cheap champagne.
[loud traffic sounds]
[pop of champagne]
Here we go.
Uh-- just a minute.
I'm all wet.
Darling, darling, darling,
don't worry about the scarf.
Here's to the last
night of your life.
I beg your pardon.
White silk pajamas?
For a Chinese funeral.
In there.
Uh, uh, uh, uh.
[music playing]
This is really--
uh--
[music playing]
This is a game, right?
[nervous laughter]
Come on.
Um-- yeah.
Um-- what-- what-- what are we--
Sh.
You must follow my
instructions now.
Now--
No arguments.
For the next half
hour, not a word.
Not a sound, no matter what.
Science, complete
and utter silence.
Time for Gotcha?
Time, sh.
When the alarm goes
off, it's over.
Not a second before.
[nervous giggle]
Not a second.
OKAY?
OKAY.
Proceed.
OKAY.
[eerie music playing]
Gotcha.
Well done.
ALICIA: You're not
supposed to talk.
Uh-- I--
I--
ALICIA: Sh.
[music playing]
I--
[music playing]
[clock ticking]
[whistles]
[shower running]
- How do you you like it so far?
- I don't--
Don't speak.
[music playing]
[meowing]
[siren blaring]
[clock ticking]
[electrical buzzing]
[window slams shot]
Alicia?
I don't like this game.
Can we stop this
game now, please?
Alicia, where are you?
[music playing]
[clock ticking]
[music playing]
Do you hear me?
Could you answer me, please?
[music playing]
Alicia, you OK?
[music playing]
Two minutes.
Two minutes.
Two-- two minutes.
[heart beating]
[music playing]
Gotcha, gotcha.
[alarm clock rings]
Gotcha.
[light sobbing]
Oh, John, oh, honey, ah,
honey, don't cry, don't cry.
[sobbing]
Please don't.
I-- I didn't--
I didn't realize--
[sobbing]
[tense music playing]
John?
We're all right, aren't we?
We're OK?
Everything's all right?
OK.
Listen, I have a great idea.
Let's play the game
again tomorrow night.
Yes, yes, this time, I'll
be in the bed waiting,
and you can hide and
jump out and say gotcha.
No.
What?
No No.
Let's go, John.
Gotcha.
[music playing]
[door creaks]
[foot steps]
RAY BRADBURY
(VOICEOVER): People ask,
where do you get your ideas?
Well, right here.
All of this is my
martian landscape.
Somewhere in this room
is an African veldt.
Just beyond perhaps is a small
Illinois town where I grew up.
And I'm surrounded on every
side by my magician's toy shop.
I'll never starve here.
I just look around, find
what I need, and begin.
I'm Ray Bradbury.
And this is--
Well, then, right
now, what shall it be?
Out of all this, what do
I choose to make a story.
I never know where the
next one will take me.
The trip, exactly one
half exhilaration,
exactly one half terror.
[music playing]
[dog barking]
[distant party chatter]
[music playing]
I told him not to
invest in that stock.
But would he listen to me.
I got out ahead of everyone.
JOHN (VOICEOVER): I
guess the place to start
is at the beginning, they're
at that boring party,
where we first met.
My psychoanalysis said that--
No, like he became a dictator.
Excuse me.
I think I'm supposed
to be somewhere else.
Oh, I don't know.
Want a drink?
No, no, I'm fine.
Thanks.
Stanley, this is another
fine mess you've got me into.
Excuse me.
[party chatter]
[music playing]
Stanley.
Ollie.
Well, Stanley, this is another
fine mess you've got me in.
I'm sorry, Ollie.
I was just about to say
the same thing myself.
Don't just do
something, stand there.
I mean, why don't
you do something
instead of standing there?
I will.
Trust me.
Yes.
Well then.
JOHN (VOICEOVER): And trust
her I did as though I've
known her all my life
instead of five minutes,
ready and willing to place my
faith completely in her hands.
What--
Come with me.
I don't-- sh, sh.
OK, where are we?
Don't you know?
Look.
What?
[bell tolling]
It's can't be.
It is.
But Laurel and Hardy
never made a movie here.
4,000 miles from here.
The music box, 57 years ago.
But then what
is that up there?
The piano box.
The music box that
Laurel and Hardy carried
all the way up the
steps and then it chased
them all the way back again.
In 19--
31.
We shot this one-minute
commercial here today
with Laurel and
Hardy lookalikes.
And we couldn't afford
to fly Los Angeles.
So we found this hill
by God and these steps.
And we paid 40 bucks
for that piano crate.
You want to see?
Uh-- we were going up there?
Together.
How long do you think
it'll take to get to the top?
Oh, six months, or if
we're lucky, 30, 40 years.
Race you to the top.
No, no, I don't
want us both to win.
And when we get to
the top, what then?
We'll be in the
need for a kiss.
Ah, suddenly I can't move.
[music playing]
Oh, Stanley.
Oh, Ollie.
I don't want to go to the top.
Why?
Because then we'll just
have to come back down.
Oh.
OK, about face.
You be Oliver Hardy.
And I'll be the piano
case chasing you down.
JOHN (VOICEOVER): And like
that music box, head over heels
I fell in love.
And then there's
the one they did
about a gorilla who
wore a ballet outfit
and then did a
dance in their room.
The one about when
the bad guys twisted
their heads around backwards.
And then there's
the one where--
Yeah.
Stan lighted his thumb
like a cigarette lighter.
And--
Thank you.
Thank you.
It's the one where they
adopted a baby, remember?
Mm, hm.
And then his wife left him.
And they had to
take care of it alone.
- Whose wife?
- Stan's.
Ollie's.
Ollie's.
I got an idea.
JOHN (VOICEOVER):
Incredibly in love.
We said it.
We knew it.
When we weren't staring at
each other, we were hugging.
When we weren't hugging,
we were kissing.
[giggling]
Here's another fine
mess you got me in.
Well, good night.
Good night.
[music playing]
JOHN (VOICEOVER): Ours
was a love affair,
printed out in capitals.
Underline it.
Find some metallics.
And exclamation points.
Put up the fireworks.
Tear down the clouds.
[music playing]
JOHN (VOICEOVER): Anyway it was
the 4th of July every night,
New Year's every day.
It was a bobsled downhill,
and everything cold racing by
and beauty and two
warm people holding
tight and yelling with joy.
[music playing]
JOHN (VOICEOVER):
Laurel and Hardy
we would be forever, or almost
forever, until everything went
to hell.
I never laughed
so much in my life.
But it-- but it has to
stop sometime, doesn't it?
What?
Well, the laughter.
Why should it?
It always does.
Not with us.
Why did you ask that?
All good things end.
Gotcha.
What?
You never played
the game Gotcha?
I never even heard of it.
Ah, I've been
playing it all my life.
Where do you buy
it, in a store?
No no, I made it up.
I almost made it up.
And if you're real good,
one night soon Gotcha.
[honking horn]
[click of buttons]
[scratching of pen]
[phone rings]
Yeah.
ALICIA (OVER PHONE): Hello.
Well, Hello.
ALICIA (OVER PHONE): Spur
of the moment, wild idea.
Be ready.
I'm taking you on
a vacation to--
- Paris?
- No.
London?
- No.
- Rome?
Gotcha.
Uh--
You remember.
JOHN (OVER PHONE) Oh, the game.
What's it called again?
Gotcha.
JOHN (OVER PHONE) That's the
game I never heard of, right?
You'll love it.
I love everything we do.
It'll scare the
hell out of you.
[music playing]
Here we are.
Do you realize what
part of town this is?
[distant yelling]
- Um--
- That'll be $15.
Rates are kind of high in
this placement, aren't they?
Cash.
Yeah
[low grow]
Yeah.
Do you have an
elevator in this place?
If there is, I ain't seen it.
Line from an old movie.
[humming]
Hold it.
Hold it.
[fan whirring]
[faucet dripping]
Oh, good, good, that's great.
Crackers and cheap
champagne, that's wonderful.
Tuna fish, all right.
So this is a vacation, huh?
Open the cheap champagne.
[loud traffic sounds]
[pop of champagne]
Here we go.
Uh-- just a minute.
I'm all wet.
Darling, darling, darling,
don't worry about the scarf.
Here's to the last
night of your life.
I beg your pardon.
White silk pajamas?
For a Chinese funeral.
In there.
Uh, uh, uh, uh.
[music playing]
This is really--
uh--
[music playing]
This is a game, right?
[nervous laughter]
Come on.
Um-- yeah.
Um-- what-- what-- what are we--
Sh.
You must follow my
instructions now.
Now--
No arguments.
For the next half
hour, not a word.
Not a sound, no matter what.
Science, complete
and utter silence.
Time for Gotcha?
Time, sh.
When the alarm goes
off, it's over.
Not a second before.
[nervous giggle]
Not a second.
OKAY?
OKAY.
Proceed.
OKAY.
[eerie music playing]
Gotcha.
Well done.
ALICIA: You're not
supposed to talk.
Uh-- I--
I--
ALICIA: Sh.
[music playing]
I--
[music playing]
[clock ticking]
[whistles]
[shower running]
- How do you you like it so far?
- I don't--
Don't speak.
[music playing]
[meowing]
[siren blaring]
[clock ticking]
[electrical buzzing]
[window slams shot]
Alicia?
I don't like this game.
Can we stop this
game now, please?
Alicia, where are you?
[music playing]
[clock ticking]
[music playing]
Do you hear me?
Could you answer me, please?
[music playing]
Alicia, you OK?
[music playing]
Two minutes.
Two minutes.
Two-- two minutes.
[heart beating]
[music playing]
Gotcha, gotcha.
[alarm clock rings]
Gotcha.
[light sobbing]
Oh, John, oh, honey, ah,
honey, don't cry, don't cry.
[sobbing]
Please don't.
I-- I didn't--
I didn't realize--
[sobbing]
[tense music playing]
John?
We're all right, aren't we?
We're OK?
Everything's all right?
OK.
Listen, I have a great idea.
Let's play the game
again tomorrow night.
Yes, yes, this time, I'll
be in the bed waiting,
and you can hide and
jump out and say gotcha.
No.
What?
No No.
Let's go, John.
Gotcha.
[music playing]