The Office (2005–2013): Season 7, Episode 8 - Viewing Party - full transcript

They caught
the Scranton Strangler.

They trapped him
in his house.

FEMALE NEWSCASTER ON COMPUTER:
...and then
photographing them,

is believed to be inside.

Police have now surrounded
the apartment complex.

Police have surrounded.
And we

now see what appears to
be a SWAT van pulling up.

SWAT, SWAT's arriving.

It is unknown if he
is armed with any...

They should
do that thing
where they play

the really good music
to get him to come out.



Ugh! They shouldn't
televise any of this.
It just encourages copycats.

Just say copies.
Why do you have to
drag cats into this?

Okay, while this is
interesting, we should
get back to work.

These standoffs
can last a long time.

What if it's
another Waco?

It's pronounced "wacko."

Some events
are so newsworthy,

so historic,
that you have to stop
everything to watch.

Balloon boy,
Michael Jackson's funeral...

Uh, things that,
if you didn't
see them live,

you wouldn't really
care that you didn't
see them at all.

FEMALE NEWSCASTER:
Coming to you
from the corner of...

Columbia Street
and Washington Ave.

God, when is he
gonna come out?



For what we all
pray is the last...

ANDY: I bet he's wishing
he had a hybrid, right?

Sixty miles
to the gallon
in the city!

No, I bet he's wishing
he was strangling someone.

Okay, that's our street.

That's our street.
He's going down
our street.

Come on, everybody.

KEVIN: Go. Go, go, go.

There it is.
There it is.

I saw it.
ANDY: Where? Where?

I saw it. It's gone.

ANDY: Oh!

He went right by.

You missed it.
You missed it.

MICHAEL: "Grandpa,
where were you the day

"the Scranton Strangler
was caught?"

And I'll tell you what,

you go sell these
and buy yourself
a nice spaceship.

Michael.

Walk with me.

Gabe and I are
having a party,

and everyone's invited,
and it's at his apartment.

And we're gonna watch Glee.
Glee? What is Glee?

Some sort of
television program?

Jim, I need
that thing, stat.

Okay.
ERIN: Yeah,
it's a TV show.

Dwight. Signing.

I don't have time for
parties. I don't have
time for TV shows.

Stanley,
what time is that thing
that I have to do?

I...
Cancel it.
Are you still here?

Oh, it's just...
It's our first
party together.

So...
Mmm-mmm!

Did you hear
what I said?

I'm a very busy man.
I don't have time
for your TV show.

Okay, sorry.
I'm joking.

Wait, which...
I'm joking.

I'm kidding around.

I'm not actually angry.

I'm not busy at all.
I'm not doing anything.

And I know what Glee is.
I am a total Gleek.

Oh, me too.
You know who my
favorite character is?

The invalid.

Yes, I'd love to
come to your party.

Oh, my gosh.

I don't know
if Michael likes
Gabe that much,

but there's
this thing on Glee
called mash-up,

where two things
that don't go together
make one great song.

Take Gabe, take Michael,
you make "Gaymike."

Best friends.

No, really?

Is there time
to change this?
That show...

I mean,
first they say
that Mr. Schue

doesn't know
anything about
choreography,

and then, like,
three episodes later,

he's this fantastic
choreographer.

Pick a lane, people.

And what was with
Jesse's sudden turn

on Rachel between
Dream On and Funk?

Where the heck
did that come from?

Honestly,
that show, it's just...
It's irresponsible.

Are you going?

Not because I want to.

Of all feelings,
to base a show
around glee?

Thirst. Now that's
a show I'd watch.

I would watch that.

Tonight might be
a convenient night

for us to have
some intercourse.

You're having a party
at Gabe's apartment?
Mmm-hmm.

I'd love it if
you were there.
You would?

You and Michael
are always the
life of the party.

Try and keep me
from coming.

Why would I keep
you from coming?

Try and hide it,
I will track
this party down.

Kevin.

Hey. You going tonight?

Yes, I am. Are you?

Yeah. You got to go
to the boss's party, right?

Mmm-hmm.

What? No, Gabe...
Gabe is not the boss.

No, he's not the boss.

Why did you just
say he was the boss?

'Cause you're the boss.

Guys, do you consider
Gabe to be the boss?

It's a make-your-own-pizza
night.

MICHAEL: Okay.

Isn't Gabe's
place so nice?
Uh-huh.

Look at the size
of those wine glasses,
Michael.

They're big.

Those posters used
to be real French ads.

All right.

So, these are your
cheeses, your hams,

your sausages,
your herbs and
your vegetables.

Here's what's been done.
Start creating.

Sometimes it helps
to think of a part
of the world

and then make...
Okay. Okay. Okay.

Gabe likes to
entertain a lot,

and he cooks in an oven,
and all that jazz.

I just have
a different lifestyle.

They have these
bags of vegetables

that steam right
inside their own bag.

So, I'll get a glass
of sangria,

sit down in front
of the TV,

my bag of vegetables...

Before you know it,
I'm ready for bed.

Okay.

You don't really
toss the dough.

Try to destroy
the old ways, Gabe.

I will not let you.

So, welcome
to my man cave.

I did my senior
year abroad in Japan.
Best year of my life.

You play?

I like to create
soundscapes.

Imagine one instant of
a song expanded to be
the size of the universe.

I can't even do that.

She's up. Great.

Cece is reverse cycling,

which means she
sleeps all day,
and she's up all night,

which basically means
I'm up all day,
and I'm up all night.

And if it doesn't stop soon,
I am gonna be up all night.

The show's starting.
The show's starting.

The show's starting.

Show's starting.

FINN: All right,
let's gather around.

Who's that?

KELLY: Finn.

Who's that?
Rachel.

Okay. Which one's Glee?

You have to stop.

Where's Michael?
Where's Michael?

We can't start
without Michael.

Oh, here he is.
Oh, yay, and let
the show begin.

GABE: That's a little loud.

Well, actually, I think
it's not loud enough. May I?

Excuse me.
Thank you, sir.

There you go.
It's Glee, right?

Rock and roll.

Turn it up to 11.

Come on, Michael.

Spinal cord.

Some of us are trying
to have a conversation.

Well, some of us
are trying to...

I'll just turn
the captions on.

Well, I will turn
the volume up.

That's for the other box.

Okay.

Okay.

Here's what
we're gonna do.

Right down the hall
is a bedroom.

All the real Glee fans
are gonna go down the hall

to the real Glee
party in the bedroom.

Follow me

where we can crank it.

What's your angle?
That woman.

She's been in
a couple of episodes
of Friday Night Lights.

You know what?
I'm so confused.

Is this a Glee watching
party or is this
a Glee pausing party?

Yeah. Yeah, I know.
Because we keep stopping it

to get a history
lesson about
television...

OSCAR: I didn't
know the rules.

There. It's on, it's on.

I didn't read
the rule book.

Hey, Michael.

Maybe you should try going
in the other room again.

You can have my seat.
It's closer to the TV.

It'll seem louder.

Pam, I have a loaded gun
in my desk at work.

And if I ever start
acting like that
weenie, Gabe,

I want you to
take that gun,

and I want you
to shoot me,
like, 100 times

in the groin
till I'm dead, okay?

You have a gun
in your desk?

Somewhere.

Hey. Marantz tube
stereo from the 1970s!

I respect that.
I respect that a lot.

The five Chinese
virility herbs.

No kidding.
This is powdered
seahorse.

They say that 15
Chinese soldiers

fought off the entire
army of Genghis Khan
just using this stuff.

You know what they say...
No, what?

What is this,
samurai woodcuts? Yup.

Pretty erotic.

Hmm. Yeah.

Better men than Gabe
have tried to be my boss.

David got fired.

Charles got fired.
Jan went crazy.

Ed Truck,
who I liked,
got decapitated.

Michael.
Yes.

I find it
absolutely disgraceful

that no one
followed you in here
for your walk-out.

I took the liberty of
making a list of everyone
who didn't follow you in here.

Jim, Oscar, Creed,

me, at first... Kelly...
Maybe I should go.

Are you gonna
quiet that baby
or do I have to?

In the Schrute family,
the youngest child
always raises the others.

I've been raising
children since
I was a baby.

Take a shot.

Oh, thanks.

So much Asian stuff!

I wonder if there's
a guy in China right now

looking at
a bunch of our stuff.

Why does Erin
like Gabe?

Andy, look,

all I know is,
if I was a girl
and I had to choose

between a tall
dude who loved Asia

and a you-looking dude
who loved sweaters
and wearing sweaters,

I'd choose you.

That's really nice.
Thank you.

And I'd blow your mind.

OSCAR: Jim, what
are you doing?

It's a commercial break,
so I just wanted
to check the scores.

Flip it back, please.

Okay.

The show's back on.
What happened?

We were behind.

Go to the recorded version.

Oh, my God.
What song was that?

I wasn't recording it.
What?

What song was it?

Wait, why do you
have to record it?

Right now is why, Erin.
We're living it.

Start recording now.
Jim.

Okay, they did
Blinded by the Light,

and they did it with
an actual blind guy.

Was it worth it, Jim?
'Cause we missed it.

If I could get her
sleeping normally,
I would get my life back.

That would be nice,
wouldn't it?

I can't even
talk about it.

You know, it's not
really necessary for me

to sit here
holding her all night.

Just go to
Gabe's refrigerator,
get a lump of suet,

or any kind of
congealed animal
fat will do, really.

Tie a piece of string to it,
tie the other end to her toe,

pop the suet
in her mouth,

she'll be happy for hours.

I kind of doubt
Gabe has suet.

Really?

Well, then here we are.

Michael.

Gabe is making
the pigs in a blanket,

so he was wondering
if you could help him.

Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome Phyllis Vance.

Is that White Diamonds
by Elizabeth Taylor?

You know your perfumes.

My nanny used
to wear that.

I just ate an
entire seahorse.

I have to admit,
I did not think
it was gonna work,

but it's totally working.

I feel exactly
like a seahorse.

Look who I found.

Yeah, well, I wasn't
very hard to find.

Let's go ahead
and wash your hands.

Is this the same dough
that you used for
the pizza crust?

Yeah. Waste not, right?

So, these are pizza dogs.
These aren't
pigs in a blanket,

per se.

Michael knows
everything there is
to know about snacks.

Well.

Gabe was born in 1982.

He was the longest
baby in the hospital.

He's the longest
baby in this room.

What's the longest thing
you've ever seen?

For me,
it was the tail
from a jet...

Erin, you don't have to...

Yeah, you know what,
Erin, you do have to.
Michael,

you are making this
harder than it has to be.

That's what she said.

Hey.

PAM: It's a miracle.

She loves him.

I don't know
about "love."

She loves me.

Outside. My car.
Two minutes.

All right. Something's
come up. I gotta go.

No, no, no,
she'll wake up.

No, I have
something to do.

I know what you have to do.
Please stay with Cece.

Dwight,
I've always considered us
to be very good friends.

Great friends.

Remember your concussion?

I do,

but you married
my worst enemy.

I know.
Well, I think
enemy's a strong word,

'cause I think we have
a really charming
back-and-forth...

Enough.

I will require
beer and pizza
to think this over.

Absolutely.
From Jim.

Well, I don't
think that's...

Do it.

What kind of pizza
would you like?

Surprise me. No.

Pepperoni.

Okay.

All right.

And the winner is,
by two votes, Sam and...

Hey, Creed.
Do you read Chinese?

Better than English.

What does this say?

Hello, UPS, still waiting
on that five minutes
with Erin I ordered.

Oh, never mind,
it's here.

Well, if it isn't
the belle of the ball.

You throw
a lovely party, milady.

Are you having
a good time?

Did you wear
my favorite outfit
on purpose?

Andy, you look awful.

You're four seasons
in a day.

You got the autumn
thing going on.

But if you put on baby...

But if you put
on a blue...

It's springtime
in the Rockies.

Are you all right?
No!

Mmm-mmm.
Insert it in my mouth.

Okay, that's not
gonna make your

pizza-eating experience
any better, trust me.

Oh, try me.

Jim, just don't
think of it as
degrading.

Think of it as you happen
to be moving the pizza

six inches this way,
and he happens
to be biting it.

I'd prefer for him to
think of it as degrading.

Okay.

Crust first.

Okay. Now the beer.

Beer me, Jim.

Gentle.

Mmm, mmm.

Now I've got to
go meet Angela.

What? No, wait.
You said you
were gonna help us.

I have a legal
obligation to Angela,
okay?

She needs to be serviced.

You need to stop talking.
Oh, God.

Oh, come on.

Can we stop
the fake prissy act?

Join the real world.

Sex contracts exist, okay?

Okay, fine, there
must be some way

to get out of it,
even just for tonight.

Yeah, sure.
Jim can go see her.

Okay.
You've been with
a blonde before?

It's the big leagues.

I'm going home,
and I'm taking my baby.

No, no, don't.

I will go
talk to Angela.

She is in heat.

She will eat
your face off.

The reverse cycling
ends tonight.

A single piece of
pepperoni, please.

I'm not...

What are you doing?

I wanted to eat
a pig in a blanket
in a blanket.

PHYLLIS: Are you all right?

Erin likes Gabe.

I know.

I thought you two
were nice together.

Do you think
that they've ever...

Made love?

I don't know.

Well, girls tell each
other things, right?

I'll see what
I can find out.

Where you been?

I just went out
for a walk.

Cable's out.

What? Really?

That stinks.

It's still on upstairs.

What does that mean?
Party's over?
Everybody leaves?

CREED: Are you sure?

Hey,
Puck and Finn worked it out,
and the solo is now a duet.

Are you kidding me?
No.

Now, that's going on.
Yep.

KEVIN: I can't believe
we're missing that.

Boy, I wish
I could see that.

You know what?
I have an idea.

I don't know if
it's gonna work,

but let me give
it this... Okay.

I'm gonna
give it a shot.

Please, Michael,
just make the Glee happen.

Good luck, Michael.

Erin.

So, how long have you
two been going out now?

Oh, like three months.

I imagine things are
starting to heat up.

I don't know.

Of course, you don't
want to rush things.

I mean, the anticipation
can be so exquisite.

Bob and I
took our time.

The first time we
saw each other naked,
we didn't even make love.

We just stared at each other
until we fell asleep.

It was magical.

I have to go, Phyllis.
Really magical.

Hey in there.
It's me, Pam.

It's not Dwight.
Don't think it's Dwight.

What are you doing here?

I know you and Dwight
have this weird deal.

He sent me out here
to see if you
could postpone.

Are you authorized
to do this?

Yes. I have been
so authorized.

Okay, well, tell him
that we'll do this
tomorrow night instead.

Okay.
Wait, Pam. Pam.

How did he seem?
You know, like, did
he seem disappointed?

You know, there are
a lot of guys out there

who would just love

and appreciate a woman...
You know what,
Pam, just save it.

You did this?

No, I was just check...
Yes, I did. Yes. Yes.

Why won't you like him?

What is there to like?
He's just...

He's a weird, little,
skeevy guy with no waist.

Why do you care
whether we like
him or not?

I care if you like him.

Why? I'm not
your father.

All right.

Okay.
Go to your room.

What?

Go to your room,
young lady.

I'm not going
to my room.

You listen to me.

You listen good.

You are not to see
that boy anymore.

You listen to me.

You are not to
tell me what to do.

As long as you are
living under this roof,

you are going
to do what I say.

I hate your roof.

Do not raise
your voice to me.

I'll raise it all I want.
I'll raise the roof.

I will pull
this car over.

I hate it.
I hate your car.

See you, Oscar.

If you break that girl's
heart, I will kill you.

It's just a figure
of speech.

But seriously, if you
break that girl's heart,

I will literally kill you
and your entire family.

Gabe, just go
and have fun with Erin,

but not too much fun.

That girl's gonna
turn my hair gray.

What happened?

I accidentally
ate some seahorses.

How much?

I don't know.
It's powdered, so...

Like, four or five,
I don't know.

I've got just the thing.

This one is called
"Earthrise on the Moon."

üNEW AGE
INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYINGä

That's so beautiful.