The Office (2005–2013): Season 3, Episode 7 - Branch Closing - full transcript

- Hey.
- Hey.

Who are you faxing so early
in the morning?

Oh, um...

Kinda hard to explain.

I don't have a ton of contact

with the Scranton branch,

but before I left,

I took a box
of Dwight's stationery.

So from time to time,
I send Dwight faxes.

From himself.

From the future.



"Dwight,

"At 8:00 A.M. today,
someone poisons the coffee.

"Do not drink the coffee.

"More instructions will follow.

"Cordially, Future Dwight"

Nooo!

You'll thank me later.

There she is.

- Jan Levinson.
- Michael.

First thing in the morning.

I love to start my day

with a hearty bowl of Jan.

- Michael.
- Just call me Levinson.

In the morning.



Baby.

- Michael.
- Yes.

I'm here to tell you
that we are closing

the Scranton branch.

I don't understand.

The board voted last night
to close your branch.

On whom's authority?

The board's.

W-what?

I'm very sorry.
I-I... pssh.

I don't relish

telling you this.

Uh, you've been a big part
of this company.

And the board asked me
to thank you

for your years of service.

You're welcome.

A small number of people
will be transferred

to the Stamford branch,

and the rest will be getting
severance packages.

Am I a small number person
or a severance package person?

Well, we haven't made

final decisions
about personnel yet.

But you're a severance
package person.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

No!

What are they talking about?

I don't know.

Is it serious?

I don't know, Kev.

If you find out anything...

Call me.

You got it, buddy.

You all right, Michael?

Do you want me
to get you some water

or a tissue?

All right.

You know what, I don't get it.

I don't...

I don't get it.

Because our numbers
aren't that bad.

Things are looking up.

It's not all
about numbers, Michael.

- Well...
- It's... it's about talent.

Oh, you gotta...
Josh?

Our CFO believes

- that Josh is going to play an important role...
- Josh.

In our company's future.

Oh, really?
What role is that?

- Yes, really.
- King of the stupid universe?

Okay.

Don't do this...

I... I think
we're finished.

And I need to go...

We are not...

I would appreciate it if you
would please use discretion

until we get our ducks in a row.

I know you're mad,
but don't do this to me.

I know...
I know I hurt you.

But please do not do this to me.

Don't hurt me like I hurt you.

Jan.

Jan.

It is an outrage.

That's all.

It's...

They're making a huge,
huge mistake.

Let's see Josh
replace these people.

Let's see Josh
find another Stanley.

You think Stanleys
grow on trees?

Well, they don't.

There is no Stanley tree.

Do you think the world
is crawling with Phyllises?

Show me that farm.

With Phyllises and Kevins
sprouting up

all over the place,
ripe for the plucking.

Show me that farm.

Pictures.

Memories.

Look at that.

They grow up so fast.

Hey, stranger.
Don't say that.

That just sounds weird.
Please.

Sorry, I just feel like
we haven't talked in a while.

Well, we have nothing
to talk about, Dwight.

Just do your work.

While you still can.

When you become close
with someone,

you develop a kind
of sixth sense.

You can read their moods
like a book.

Right now, the title
of Michael's book

is Something Weird Is Going On.

Colon:

What Did Jan Say?

The Michael Scott Story.

By Michael Scott.

With Dwight Schrute.

Hey, um, did you hear
about your friends

in Pennsylvania?

Rumor has it that
the Scranton branch is "gklch."

Really?

Wow, that's too bad.

Um...

Sorry.

Scranton branch is closing?

In your face.

Well, I work here now.

Mmmm! Sucka.

Are you okay?
D... Yeah.

Great, amazing.

Best physical condition
of my life.

What did Jan want?

Nothing.
Just checking in.

I can't tell you, so.

What can't you tell me?

Nothing.
Pam.

What difference does it make?

We'll all be gone
in a few weeks anyway.

- What?
- What?

You just said
that we're gonna be gone...

Do I have any messages?

Michael, what's going on?

What did Jan say to you?

- Nothing.
- Was she mean to you?

No, she...

Okay.
Okay.

Listen up, everybody.

I have some news.

All I can do right now
is put on a brave face

and go out there
and be their leader.

It's over.

We are screwed.

Dunder-Mifflin Scranton
is being shut down.

Michael, uh...

We shouldn't be talking
about this

until all the decisions
have been made.

You knew about this
all along, didn't you?

Jan told me just a few minutes
before she told you.

Traitor.

You are a traitor.

What about us, Michael?
Do we still have jobs?

I don't know.

Probably not.

This is the worst.

So this has been great.

So let's get back to work

and do the best job that we can.

Toby, I'd like to see you
in my office, please.

All right.

Oh, my God, you walk so slowly.

It makes perfect sense
that it would happen today

because I just received this
in the mail.

1,000 business cards

with this address
and phone number.

I don't want to blame anyone
in particular.

I think everyone's to blame.

If I get to stay
and Ryan is laid off,

I will kill myself.

Like Romeo and Juliet.

The Claire Danes one.

What happened?

I think the word got out
about Scranton.

Hm...

Hey, uh, do you know
any more details on that?

Like, is, uh,
anybody transferring here?

Yeah, nothing's definite.

In fact, you know what.

Um, excuse me, everyone.

I know there are
some rumors going around,

but nothing is definite,
all right?

Um, you guys
have done a great job

getting our numbers up
around here,

but until this thing
is official,

let's just keep working.

Huh, yeah?
Be professional.

Ladies and gentlemen,

our fearless leader,
Josh Porter.

Josh, take a bow.
Take a bow.

I think
it would be kind of weird

if everyone from Scranton
came here.

It'd be like, uh,

going to
your high school reunion,

and you saying,
"Hey, I missed you guys."

And then they're all like,
"Oh, don't worry about it.

"We're all
gonna move in with you...

forever."

Yeah?

Hey.

Meredith, hello.

Tough day.

Yes.

So listen,

I know you're seeing someone,

but I'm still willing
if you are.

What... willing?

You remember.

Like six years ago we said
that on our last day of work

that we would...

sleep together.

Oh...

God, uh,

um, I did not say that.

Was that not you?

No, not... not me.

Oh.

Never mind.

Day just gets worse and worse.

It's a blessing in disguise.

Actually, not even in disguise.

In my fantasy,

I always thought
I would slap someone,

make a big speech
and storm out forever.

But this is good too.

- You're kidding.
- No.

Wh... What does that mean?

Well, some of us are fired.

And a few are going
to Connecticut.

Do you guys know
who's going where?

Oh, don't worry.
You're gonna be fine, Roy.

You're very... strong.

And capable.

Thanks.

Oh, grow up.

I don't wanna work here
without Pam.

That'd just be like

loading trucks
without any meaning.

You know?

I couldn't be happier.

I'm gonna take the severance
and retire.

My wife and I are gonna travel.

I really couldn't be happier.

Feeling nostalgic?

Yeah, nostalgic.

- Hey, Mike.
- Darrel.

Noble Darrel.

- Look, I heard about the office.
- Oh.

- Tough break.
- I know.

I know.

Well, I'll land on my feet.

Yeah.
Don't worry about me.

I wasn't.

So you'll be okay too.

You're a warrior.
You're smart, capable.

You'll find something else,
and...

Actually, Bob Vance bought out
the warehouse.

So he's keeping on
the whole crew.

So we're good.

Awesome.

This is my house.

The CFO's taking away my house
and giving it to Josh.

And Josh is giving the garage
to Bob Vance.

Pah.

All right, listen up.

Some of you may have heard

some rumors
about the branch closing.

Um, like when you said
the branch was closing?

But I am not

going to take this lying down.

I have a plan,

and I am going to save our jobs.

So just hang in there.
Let's go.

Yes!

Oh, good.
You're bringing Dwight.

Yes.
This might get ugly.

I'm gonna need backup.

What's the plan?

Go to New York.

Confront the CFO.

Show him he's making a mistake.
Save the branch.

- Can I drive?
- No way.

Shotgun!

No, there's no one else.

Still.

Thank you very much.
Okay.

- Secretary says Wallace is away for the day...
- Agh.

And won't be coming back
into the office.

Okay, okay.
Um...

But...

do not worry.

I have his home address...

right here.

Why?

Christmas card list.

You send him cards?

You've never met him.

Well, when I do,

we'll have something
to talk about.

Hey, do you have a second?

Sure, what's up?

I-I know it's not definite,
or whatever,

but, uh, do you know
who's coming over here

from Scranton?

I honestly don't.
I don't know.

Okay.

So is it, like, sales
or... accountants or...

You know what, Jim?
I wouldn't worry about it.

What does that mean?

- Hi.
- Jan, hey.

Oh, good, you're both here.

Ready to talk logistics?

I just feel like it could have
been something special

if we could have kept
working together.

But...

I'm gonna go someplace else,

and you're gonna go
someplace else.

It just doesn't make sense.

This kind of worked out
perfectly for me.

I got some good experience.

Um, Michael's gonna write me
a great recommendation.

And as far as
me and Kelly goes...

I think it's for the best.

Okay.

This is it.

This is exactly
what Michael Moore does.

Famous documentarian.

He goes up to people
with a camera,

and he's like,

"Why did you do this?

"Why did you pollute?

You are bad.
You're a bad person."

It's very dramatic.

Although I can't say
I was a big fan

of Bowling For Columbine.

Because I thought it
was gonna be

a bowling movie.

Like Kingpin.

And it wasn't.
It was something else.

So.

Josh will be running
what is now called

Dunder-Mifflin Northeast,

which is all the offices
north of Stamford.

And Jim, if you want the job,

you'll be his number two.

Wow. Uh, sure.
Absolutely.

- Awesome. - 'Scuse me, Jan.
I'm sorry.

I'm gonna have
to stop you there.

I, um...

will not be taking the job.

W...

Excu... why not?

As of today, I have accepted

a senior management position
at Staples.

Today.

Mm-hmm.

You leveraged your new position
with us

into another offer?

Damn it, Josh.

This whole restructuring thing
was based around keeping you.

I...

I'm sorry, all right?
It's done.

It's done.

I gotta make some calls.

Excuse me.
I'm sorry, Jim.

Say what you will
about Michael Scott.

But he would never do that.

Okay.

All visible
points of access are covered.

So.

Do you know
what you're gonna say

when he shows up?

I will improvise.

I will speak from the heart.

No.
Bad idea.

You need an attack plan.

Here, I'll be him.
You be you.

Let's practice.

Okay.

All right.

- Coming home from work.
- 'Scuse me.

Mr. Wallace?
David Wallace?

Yes?
What is the meaning of this?

Can you tell us why
you are shutting down Scranton

and putting 15 people
out of work?

Well, the branch is no longer
financially viable.

It's simple dollars and cents.

Yes, but these
are employees, sir.

These are human beings.

Listen, Scott.

It's no longer
financially viable.

We're losing money, okay?

It's not a charity.
It's a business.

And it's a dying business.

Look, the whole business model

of the small regional
paper company

simply doesn't
make sense anymore.

Stop... stop it.
Just...

Okay, he's not gonna say
any of that.

It...
Wh... hey, why not?

Because he'd be intimidated.
And I just...

Let's start again.

- Just be more scared of me, okay?
- Okay.

Don't touch me this time.

- Excuse me, Mr. Wallace?
- Coming home from w... Agh!

Pam, would you please sign
my company directory?

Are you serious?

Sure.

"Kelly, best wishes.
Love, Pam"?

"P.S.

What a long, strange trip
it's been."

So we are still scrambling
here, but, uh...

Mm-hmm?

It looks like Scranton
is going to absorb Stamford.

Wow.

And I know that you
just left there

couple of months ago,

but we would like to offer you
the number two position

at that branch.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

Um...

No, it's just,
I'm not sure if I, um...

Well, to be quite honest
with you, Jan,

I-I have a few unpleasant
memories of Scranton.

And, um...

Michael.

No, no, no.

Just, um, some personal stuff.

And I'm not really ready
to revisit that,

I don't think.

Ah.

Well.

Please think about it.

And call me.

We will do whatever we can
to get you to stay.

Okay.

Hey, Meredith,
how you holding up?

I'm fine.

Hey, did we
ever have a conversation

about doing something
on the last day of work?

Does that ring a bell?

No, I don't think so.

Do you remember
hearing a rumor about me

and anybody, last day of work?

Something sexual?

No.

Okay.

I'm kind of
okay with it actually.

Oh, that's good.
That's... That's great.

Um, do you know
what you're gonna do then?

Well, you know,
I've got art school.

Oh, that's...

Yeah, of course,
you should totally do that.

That's a great idea.

Yeah, um...

I am already.

I started a while ago.

Wow, that's...
that's terrific.

That's awesome.

Well, cool.

I'm glad you're doing that.

You can learn a great deal about
a man from his trash.

Case in point:

Satellite TV bill.

Hm, lesson learned:

He's rich.

Hm...

Coffee grounds.

Was he enjoying
a delicious hot beverage?

Or disguising
the scent of cocaine

from drug-sniffing dogs?

It's a nice house.

Hey, guys.

Uh, I'm trying to organize
a little group lunch

for everybody, since, you know,

we're never gonna see
each other again.

Where are we going?

I thought maybe DJ's?

Mmm...

How 'bout Cugino's?

I don't wanna go
all the way to Dunmore.

How 'bout Cooper's, then?

No seafood.

Well, I don't want
to go to DJ's.

Oh, now, all of a sudden,
you get picky?

Okay.
Forget it.

Hooters.

No.

400 for the CPU.

Done.

Ah!
Here.

Replenish your fluids.

Where's Michael?

He's not here.

I don't know where he is.

What d...

What's going on here?

We know the branch is closing.

Michael told us.

Oh, God.

Okay.
You know what, everybody?

I'm sure there is
a better way to do this,

but I've driven something
like 400 miles today,

and I'm completely exhausted.

So I'm just gonna tell you.

Your branch is not closing.

Stamford is closing.

Um, for the time being, it seems

that all of your jobs are safe.

Yes.

Yeah!

Stanley.

Is it because of Michael?

Did he actually do something?

Well, reasons are not important.

Would you just call him, please,
wherever he is,

and tell him?

Sure.
Uh, Jan.

Um, do you know... is anyone
coming back to Scranton?

Back?

Coming to Scranton.

Is anyone coming to Scranton?

Uh, y... we don't know.

Probably a few.

Maybe we should take a break,

get some food.

Negative.
We could miss him.

I'm really hungry.

Who is it?

The office.

- Are you gonna get it?
- No.

Not until I have
some good news for them.

Not until I have some good news.

Bulum-bulum-bump-
Belum-bump.

Dunder-Mifflin Action News.

Jim Halpert,

will Big Tuna
be transferring to Scranton?

Oh, I don't know.

Jan offered me the job,

and I haven't
really decided yet.

Yeah, well, even if
I don't get transferred,

I'll probably be fine.

Cornell has an extensive
alumni network so...

We look out for each other.

Probably go back
and teach or something.

Where'd you go to college?

Hm, Cornell.

Oh...

That's good.

I guess some new people
might be coming from Stamford.

Should be fun.
New blood.

Is Jim coming back?

That's, um...

I hadn't thought about it.

I don't know.
Huh.

I just don't want it
to be weird.

You know?

I mean,

I took his old job

and his old desk.

Yeah, yeah, that might be weird.

Overall, though,

we still all have our jobs,
so good news, right?

Oh, yeah.
Totally.

I'm so happy!

We don't have
to break up now, Ryan!

Mm, mm, mm!

It is the best day
of my whole life.

I don't know.

I can't explain it.

What are you gonna do?

I really don't know.

How you doing with all this?

You know, I'm fine.

I'll be better when I know
if I have a job.

You'd actually move to Scranton?

Yeah, if they let me.

I think I...
I think I would.

New York City is 45 minutes
down the road from here.

And you wanna move to Scranton.

I don't know.

If I were you,
I'd move to New York.

Yeah, you know, I...
I might do that.

I mi... who knows?

I... I might do that.

Guh!
K-k-kah!

Hey, Andy.

What's up, Josh?

Hey, man, just wanted
to say thanks.

Good luck.

Thanks, man.
You, too.

Totally.

Oh, well, what can you do?

It was nice
to have those few hours

when I thought it was over.

Now I have something
to look forward to.

Hey, Creed, congratulations.

Thank you.

Made like 1,200 bucks.

Meredith Palmer.

Hey, gorgeous.

Who's this?

Gary Trendel, from the old days.

Worked in the warehouse.

Oh, hey.

Hey, yeah, listen,
I heard through the grapevine

that your branch is closing,

and it got me to thinking
about our deal, remember?

Oh, yes.

Well, actually, the branch is...

Can you be at my place
in 20 minutes?

Yes, I can.

Anything?

Nothing.

What if this doesn't work?

What if the office
actually goes under?

Then it was an honor
to have worked with you.

All right.

Favorite moments
in Dunder-Mifflin history.

Go.

My first day, when you hazed me

by spraying me
with a fire extinguisher.

That was hilarious.

The foam.

Um, my first sale.
Uh-huh.

My promotion to assistant
regional manager.

Our basketball game.

Uh-huh.

And when you took me
to the hospital...

and told me
that you cared about me.

Oh, right. Okay.

That's enough.
That's good.

What were your favorite moments?

Oh...

All of 'em.

I loved 'em all.

Every single one.

What about when Jan said
the branch was closing?

God, Dwight.

Well, I just...

Hey, Pam.

We're going to Poor Richard's.

Creed's buying shots.

No, thanks, guys.

- All right.
- Have fun, though.

Cool.

Hey, I hear Jim's coming back.

Really?
Where did you hear that?

- Well, I was...
- Hey, Ryan, you coming?

Uh, yeah, we'll meet you there.

Awesome.
Let's go.

I'll tell you later.

Okay.

Hi.

Crazy day, huh?

Yeah.
Yeah.

Man.

I'm, uh...

I'm really glad you're still
gonna be working here.

Yeah, me, too.

I mean, it'd...

It's be a pain to have
to find another job so...

Yeah.

Totally.

All right, I'll see ya.

Okay.

I was expecting a severance.

Some time off.

But, um, maybe this is good.

Finding another job is a pain.

There's another annoying boss,

another desk.

I'd have to learn everything
all over again.

So...

there are reasons to stay.

Hey, um...

I think I am
gonna take that job.

And...

Scranton?

It's not that bad.

So if they offer you
a job there...

I think you should take it.

Okay, yeah.
Maybe I will.

Okay.

Yeah, I'm...
I'm happy he said that.

I mean, I don't think
he's into me or anything.

But...

I'm kind of into him.

So... there you go.

What are we still doing here?

It's over.

Let's go home.

Get the car.

Ohhh, this was such
a stupid idea.

This was so stupid.

I'm such a stupid idiot.

I let everybody down.

Everybody hates me.

I lost everybody's jobs.

Nobody likes me anymore!

Oh, my God!

What?

Stamford is closed!

Michael, we're not closed.

Stamford is closed!

Stamford is closed!
We did it?

We did it!
We did it!

We did it!

Yaaahhhh!
We did it!

We did it!
Yeah!

We did it!

Yeah!
Right here, right here.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

Ho, ho, ho, ho, hoooo!

Yeah, baby!

In your face!

We did it.

Oh, man.

How did we do it?

I don't know.
I have no idea.

I don't understand.

Well, for a minute there,
I saw myself

selling my house,
moving to Costa Rica,

learning how to surf.

But Costa Rica
will still be there...

...when I'm 65.