The Office (2005–2013): Season 3, Episode 7 - Branch Closing - full transcript

- Hey. - Hey.
Who are you faxing so early in the morning?
Oh, um...
Kinda hard to explain.
I don't have a ton of contact
with the Scranton branch,
but before I left,
I took a box of Dwight's stationery.
So from time to time, I send Dwight faxes.
From himself.
From the future.
"Dwight,
"At 8:00 A.M. today, someone poisons the coffee.
"Do not drink the coffee.
"More instructions will follow.
"Cordially, Future Dwight"
Nooo!
You'll thank me later.
There she is.
- Jan Levinson. - Michael.
First thing in the morning.
I love to start my day
with a hearty bowl of Jan.
- Michael. - Just call me Levinson.
In the morning.
Baby.
- Michael. - Yes.
I'm here to tell you that we are closing
the Scranton branch.
I don't understand.
The board voted last night to close your branch.
On whom's authority?
The board's.
W-what?
I'm very sorry. I-I... pssh.
I don't relish
telling you this.
Uh, you've been a big part of this company.
And the board asked me to thank you
for your years of service.
You're welcome.
A small number of people will be transferred
to the Stamford branch,
and the rest will be getting severance packages.
Am I a small number person or a severance package person?
Well, we haven't made
final decisions about personnel yet.
But you're a severance package person.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
No!
What are they talking about?
I don't know.
Is it serious?
I don't know, Kev.
If you find out anything...
Call me.
You got it, buddy.
You all right, Michael?
Do you want me to get you some water
or a tissue?
All right.
You know what, I don't get it.
I don't...
I don't get it.
Because our numbers aren't that bad.
Things are looking up.
It's not all about numbers, Michael.
- Well... - It's... it's about talent.
Oh, you gotta... Josh?
Our CFO believes
- that Josh is going to play an important role... - Josh.
In our company's future.
Oh, really? What role is that?
- Yes, really. - King of the stupid universe?
Okay.
Don't do this...
I... I think we're finished.
And I need to go...
We are not...
I would appreciate it if you would please use discretion
until we get our ducks in a row.
I know you're mad, but don't do this to me.
I know... I know I hurt you.
But please do not do this to me.
Don't hurt me like I hurt you.
Jan.
Jan.
It is an outrage.
That's all.
It's...
They're making a huge, huge mistake.
Let's see Josh replace these people.
Let's see Josh find another Stanley.
You think Stanleys grow on trees?
Well, they don't.
There is no Stanley tree.
Do you think the world is crawling with Phyllises?
Show me that farm.
With Phyllises and Kevins sprouting up
all over the place, ripe for the plucking.
Show me that farm.
Pictures.
Memories.
Look at that.
They grow up so fast.
Hey, stranger. Don't say that.
That just sounds weird. Please.
Sorry, I just feel like we haven't talked in a while.
Well, we have nothing to talk about, Dwight.
Just do your work.
While you still can.
When you become close with someone,
you develop a kind of sixth sense.
You can read their moods like a book.
Right now, the title of Michael's book
is Something Weird Is Going On.
Colon:
What Did Jan Say?
The Michael Scott Story.
By Michael Scott.
With Dwight Schrute.
Hey, um, did you hear about your friends
in Pennsylvania?
Rumor has it that the Scranton branch is "gklch."
Really?
Wow, that's too bad.
Um...
Sorry.
Scranton branch is closing?
In your face.
Well, I work here now.
Mmmm! Sucka.
Are you okay? D... Yeah.
Great, amazing.
Best physical condition of my life.
What did Jan want?
Nothing. Just checking in.
I can't tell you, so.
What can't you tell me?
Nothing. Pam.
What difference does it make?
We'll all be gone in a few weeks anyway.
- What? - What?
You just said that we're gonna be gone...
Do I have any messages?
Michael, what's going on?
What did Jan say to you?
- Nothing. - Was she mean to you?
No, she...
Okay. Okay.
Listen up, everybody.
I have some news.
All I can do right now is put on a brave face
and go out there and be their leader.
It's over.
We are screwed.
Dunder-Mifflin Scranton is being shut down.
Michael, uh...
We shouldn't be talking about this
until all the decisions have been made.
You knew about this all along, didn't you?
Jan told me just a few minutes before she told you.
Traitor.
You are a traitor.
What about us, Michael? Do we still have jobs?
I don't know.
Probably not.
This is the worst.
So this has been great.
So let's get back to work
and do the best job that we can.
Toby, I'd like to see you in my office, please.
All right.
Oh, my God, you walk so slowly.
It makes perfect sense that it would happen today
because I just received this in the mail.
1,000 business cards
with this address and phone number.
I don't want to blame anyone in particular.
I think everyone's to blame.
If I get to stay and Ryan is laid off,
I will kill myself.
Like Romeo and Juliet.
The Claire Danes one.
What happened?
I think the word got out about Scranton.
Hm...
Hey, uh, do you know any more details on that?
Like, is, uh, anybody transferring here?
Yeah, nothing's definite.
In fact, you know what.
Um, excuse me, everyone.
I know there are some rumors going around,
but nothing is definite, all right?
Um, you guys have done a great job
getting our numbers up around here,
but until this thing is official,
let's just keep working.
Huh, yeah? Be professional.
Ladies and gentlemen,
our fearless leader, Josh Porter.
Josh, take a bow. Take a bow.
I think it would be kind of weird
if everyone from Scranton came here.
It'd be like, uh,
going to your high school reunion,
and you saying, "Hey, I missed you guys."
And then they're all like, "Oh, don't worry about it.
"We're all gonna move in with you...
forever."
Yeah?
Hey.
Meredith, hello.
Tough day.
Yes.
So listen,
I know you're seeing someone,
but I'm still willing if you are.
What... willing?
You remember.
Like six years ago we said that on our last day of work
that we would...
sleep together.
Oh...
God, uh,
um, I did not say that.
Was that not you?
No, not... not me.
Oh.
Never mind.
Day just gets worse and worse.
It's a blessing in disguise.
Actually, not even in disguise.
In my fantasy,
I always thought I would slap someone,
make a big speech and storm out forever.
But this is good too.
- You're kidding. - No.
Wh... What does that mean?
Well, some of us are fired.
And a few are going to Connecticut.
Do you guys know who's going where?
Oh, don't worry. You're gonna be fine, Roy.
You're very... strong.
And capable.
Thanks.
Oh, grow up.
I don't wanna work here without Pam.
That'd just be like
loading trucks without any meaning.
You know?
I couldn't be happier.
I'm gonna take the severance and retire.
My wife and I are gonna travel.
I really couldn't be happier.
Feeling nostalgic?
Yeah, nostalgic.
- Hey, Mike. - Darrel.
Noble Darrel.
- Look, I heard about the office. - Oh.
- Tough break. - I know.
I know.
Well, I'll land on my feet.
Yeah. Don't worry about me.
I wasn't.
So you'll be okay too.
You're a warrior. You're smart, capable.
You'll find something else, and...
Actually, Bob Vance bought out the warehouse.
So he's keeping on the whole crew.
So we're good.
Awesome.
This is my house.
The CFO's taking away my house and giving it to Josh.
And Josh is giving the garage to Bob Vance.
Pah.
All right, listen up.
Some of you may have heard
some rumors about the branch closing.
Um, like when you said the branch was closing?
But I am not
going to take this lying down.
I have a plan,
and I am going to save our jobs.
So just hang in there. Let's go.
Yes!
Oh, good. You're bringing Dwight.
Yes. This might get ugly.
I'm gonna need backup.
What's the plan?
Go to New York.
Confront the CFO.
Show him he's making a mistake. Save the branch.
- Can I drive? - No way.
Shotgun!
No, there's no one else.
Still.
Thank you very much. Okay.
- Secretary says Wallace is away for the day... - Agh.
And won't be coming back into the office.
Okay, okay. Um...
But...
do not worry.
I have his home address...
right here.
Why?
Christmas card list.
You send him cards?
You've never met him.
Well, when I do,
we'll have something to talk about.
Hey, do you have a second?
Sure, what's up?
I-I know it's not definite, or whatever,
but, uh, do you know who's coming over here
from Scranton?
I honestly don't. I don't know.
Okay.
So is it, like, sales or... accountants or...
You know what, Jim? I wouldn't worry about it.
What does that mean?
- Hi. - Jan, hey.
Oh, good, you're both here.
Ready to talk logistics?
I just feel like it could have been something special
if we could have kept working together.
But...
I'm gonna go someplace else,
and you're gonna go someplace else.
It just doesn't make sense.
This kind of worked out perfectly for me.
I got some good experience.
Um, Michael's gonna write me a great recommendation.
And as far as me and Kelly goes...
I think it's for the best.
Okay.
This is it.
This is exactly what Michael Moore does.
Famous documentarian.
He goes up to people with a camera,
and he's like,
"Why did you do this?
"Why did you pollute?
You are bad. You're a bad person."
It's very dramatic.
Although I can't say I was a big fan
of Bowling For Columbine.
Because I thought it was gonna be
a bowling movie.
Like Kingpin.
And it wasn't. It was something else.
So.
Josh will be running what is now called
Dunder-Mifflin Northeast,
which is all the offices north of Stamford.
And Jim, if you want the job,
you'll be his number two.
Wow. Uh, sure. Absolutely.
- Awesome. - 'Scuse me, Jan. I'm sorry.
I'm gonna have to stop you there.
I, um...
will not be taking the job.
W...
Excu... why not?
As of today, I have accepted
a senior management position at Staples.
Today.
Mm-hmm.
You leveraged your new position with us
into another offer?
Damn it, Josh.
This whole restructuring thing was based around keeping you.
I...
I'm sorry, all right? It's done.
It's done.
I gotta make some calls.
Excuse me. I'm sorry, Jim.
Say what you will about Michael Scott.
But he would never do that.
Okay.
All visible points of access are covered.
So.
Do you know what you're gonna say
when he shows up?
I will improvise.
I will speak from the heart.
No. Bad idea.
You need an attack plan.
Here, I'll be him. You be you.
Let's practice.
Okay.
All right.
- Coming home from work. - 'Scuse me.
Mr. Wallace? David Wallace?
Yes? What is the meaning of this?
Can you tell us why you are shutting down Scranton
and putting 15 people out of work?
Well, the branch is no longer financially viable.
It's simple dollars and cents.
Yes, but these are employees, sir.
These are human beings.
Listen, Scott.
It's no longer financially viable.
We're losing money, okay?
It's not a charity. It's a business.
And it's a dying business.
Look, the whole business model
of the small regional paper company
simply doesn't make sense anymore.
Stop... stop it. Just...
Okay, he's not gonna say any of that.
It... Wh... hey, why not?
Because he'd be intimidated. And I just...
Let's start again.
- Just be more scared of me, okay? - Okay.
Don't touch me this time.
- Excuse me, Mr. Wallace? - Coming home from w... Agh!
Pam, would you please sign my company directory?
Are you serious?
Sure.
"Kelly, best wishes. Love, Pam"?
"P.S.
What a long, strange trip it's been."
So we are still scrambling here, but, uh...
Mm-hmm?
It looks like Scranton is going to absorb Stamford.
Wow.
And I know that you just left there
couple of months ago,
but we would like to offer you the number two position
at that branch.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
Um...
No, it's just, I'm not sure if I, um...
Well, to be quite honest with you, Jan,
I-I have a few unpleasant memories of Scranton.
And, um...
Michael.
No, no, no.
Just, um, some personal stuff.
And I'm not really ready to revisit that,
I don't think.
Ah.
Well.
Please think about it.
And call me.
We will do whatever we can to get you to stay.
Okay.
Hey, Meredith, how you holding up?
I'm fine.
Hey, did we ever have a conversation
about doing something on the last day of work?
Does that ring a bell?
No, I don't think so.
Do you remember hearing a rumor about me
and anybody, last day of work?
Something sexual?
No.
Okay.
I'm kind of okay with it actually.
Oh, that's good. That's... That's great.
Um, do you know what you're gonna do then?
Well, you know, I've got art school.
Oh, that's...
Yeah, of course, you should totally do that.
That's a great idea.
Yeah, um...
I am already.
I started a while ago.
Wow, that's... that's terrific.
That's awesome.
Well, cool.
I'm glad you're doing that.
You can learn a great deal about a man from his trash.
Case in point:
Satellite TV bill.
Hm, lesson learned:
He's rich.
Hm...
Coffee grounds.
Was he enjoying a delicious hot beverage?
Or disguising the scent of cocaine
from drug-sniffing dogs?
It's a nice house.
Hey, guys.
Uh, I'm trying to organize a little group lunch
for everybody, since, you know,
we're never gonna see each other again.
Where are we going?
I thought maybe DJ's?
Mmm...
How 'bout Cugino's?
I don't wanna go all the way to Dunmore.
How 'bout Cooper's, then?
No seafood.
Well, I don't want to go to DJ's.
Oh, now, all of a sudden, you get picky?
Okay. Forget it.
Hooters.
No.
400 for the CPU.
Done.
Ah! Here.
Replenish your fluids.
Where's Michael?
He's not here.
I don't know where he is.
What d...
What's going on here?
We know the branch is closing.
Michael told us.
Oh, God.
Okay. You know what, everybody?
I'm sure there is a better way to do this,
but I've driven something like 400 miles today,
and I'm completely exhausted.
So I'm just gonna tell you.
Your branch is not closing.
Stamford is closing.
Um, for the time being, it seems
that all of your jobs are safe.
Yes.
Yeah!
Stanley.
Is it because of Michael?
Did he actually do something?
Well, reasons are not important.
Would you just call him, please, wherever he is,
and tell him?
Sure. Uh, Jan.
Um, do you know... is anyone coming back to Scranton?
Back?
Coming to Scranton.
Is anyone coming to Scranton?
Uh, y... we don't know.
Probably a few.
Maybe we should take a break,
get some food.
Negative. We could miss him.
I'm really hungry.
Who is it?
The office.
- Are you gonna get it? - No.
Not until I have some good news for them.
Not until I have some good news.
Bulum-bulum-bump- Belum-bump.
Dunder-Mifflin Action News.
Jim Halpert,
will Big Tuna be transferring to Scranton?
Oh, I don't know.
Jan offered me the job,
and I haven't really decided yet.
Yeah, well, even if I don't get transferred,
I'll probably be fine.
Cornell has an extensive alumni network so...
We look out for each other.
Probably go back and teach or something.
Where'd you go to college?
Hm, Cornell.
Oh...
That's good.
I guess some new people might be coming from Stamford.
Should be fun. New blood.
Is Jim coming back?
That's, um...
I hadn't thought about it.
I don't know. Huh.
I just don't want it to be weird.
You know?
I mean,
I took his old job
and his old desk.
Yeah, yeah, that might be weird.
Overall, though,
we still all have our jobs, so good news, right?
Oh, yeah. Totally.
I'm so happy!
We don't have to break up now, Ryan!
Mm, mm, mm!
It is the best day of my whole life.
I don't know.
I can't explain it.
What are you gonna do?
I really don't know.
How you doing with all this?
You know, I'm fine.
I'll be better when I know if I have a job.
You'd actually move to Scranton?
Yeah, if they let me.
I think I... I think I would.
New York City is 45 minutes down the road from here.
And you wanna move to Scranton.
I don't know.
If I were you, I'd move to New York.
Yeah, you know, I... I might do that.
I mi... who knows?
I... I might do that.
Guh! K-k-kah!
Hey, Andy.
What's up, Josh?
Hey, man, just wanted to say thanks.
Good luck.
Thanks, man. You, too.
Totally.
Oh, well, what can you do?
It was nice to have those few hours
when I thought it was over.
Now I have something to look forward to.
Hey, Creed, congratulations.
Thank you.
Made like 1,200 bucks.
Meredith Palmer.
Hey, gorgeous.
Who's this?
Gary Trendel, from the old days.
Worked in the warehouse.
Oh, hey.
Hey, yeah, listen, I heard through the grapevine
that your branch is closing,
and it got me to thinking about our deal, remember?
Oh, yes.
Well, actually, the branch is...
Can you be at my place in 20 minutes?
Yes, I can.
Anything?
Nothing.
What if this doesn't work?
What if the office actually goes under?
Then it was an honor to have worked with you.
All right.
Favorite moments in Dunder-Mifflin history.
Go.
My first day, when you hazed me
by spraying me with a fire extinguisher.
That was hilarious.
The foam.
Um, my first sale. Uh-huh.
My promotion to assistant regional manager.
Our basketball game.
Uh-huh.
And when you took me to the hospital...
and told me that you cared about me.
Oh, right. Okay.
That's enough. That's good.
What were your favorite moments?
Oh...
All of 'em.
I loved 'em all.
Every single one.
What about when Jan said the branch was closing?
God, Dwight.
Well, I just...
Hey, Pam.
We're going to Poor Richard's.
Creed's buying shots.
No, thanks, guys.
- All right. - Have fun, though.
Cool.
Hey, I hear Jim's coming back.
Really? Where did you hear that?
- Well, I was... - Hey, Ryan, you coming?
Uh, yeah, we'll meet you there.
Awesome. Let's go.
I'll tell you later.
Okay.
Hi.
Crazy day, huh?
Yeah. Yeah.
Man.
I'm, uh...
I'm really glad you're still gonna be working here.
Yeah, me, too.
I mean, it'd...
It's be a pain to have to find another job so...
Yeah.
Totally.
All right, I'll see ya.
Okay.
I was expecting a severance.
Some time off.
But, um, maybe this is good.
Finding another job is a pain.
There's another annoying boss,
another desk.
I'd have to learn everything all over again.
So...
there are reasons to stay.
Hey, um...
I think I am gonna take that job.
And...
Scranton?
It's not that bad.
So if they offer you a job there...
I think you should take it.
Okay, yeah. Maybe I will.
Okay.
Yeah, I'm... I'm happy he said that.
I mean, I don't think he's into me or anything.
But...
I'm kind of into him.
So... there you go.
What are we still doing here?
It's over.
Let's go home.
Get the car.
Ohhh, this was such a stupid idea.
This was so stupid.
I'm such a stupid idiot.
I let everybody down.
Everybody hates me.
I lost everybody's jobs.
Nobody likes me anymore!
Oh, my God!
What?
Stamford is closed!
Michael, we're not closed.
Stamford is closed!
Stamford is closed! We did it?
We did it! We did it!
We did it!
Yaaahhhh! We did it!
We did it! Yeah!
We did it!
Yeah! Right here, right here.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!
Ho, ho, ho, ho, hoooo!
Yeah, baby!
In your face!
We did it.
Oh, man.
How did we do it?
I don't know. I have no idea.
I don't understand.
Well, for a minute there, I saw myself
selling my house, moving to Costa Rica,
learning how to surf.
But Costa Rica will still be there...
...when I'm 65.