The Odd Couple (2015–2017): Season 3, Episode 1 - London Calling - full transcript
Felix told Emily, who went to London for a career opportunity, that they will stay in touch no matter what time. Three months later, Felix is a wreck over Emily's absence. He even gets between Oscar and Charlotte. And when Emily tells him she won't coming home as scheduled, he freaks out especially when he learns she's hanging out with a guy. Charlotte complains that Oscar is not romantic with her. He tries to find a way to show her. And Felix decides to go to London to be with Emily but when he takes a pill, Oscar gave him to keep him calm while he's in flight, just as he's leaving, he's unable to go, so Oscar goes, forgetting about his date with Charlotte.
FELIX (into phone):
We'll be right down.
Car's here.
Your London internship awaits.
Felix, I can't do this.
Of course you can.
Just remember, women are
birds, men are blokes,
and a shag is more than
just a kind of carpet.
Don't shag any blokes.
No, I mean I can't be away
from you for three whole months.
How about this?
We can have breakfast
together every single day
via the miracle of video conferencing.
You can't do that.
That'll be, like, 3:00 a.m. for you.
Nonsense!
Or as they say across
the pond, codswallop.
You're so calm about this.
Just a week ago,
you were begging me to stay.
Well, I thought about it,
and I trust you and I
trust our relationship.
And even though we'll be
an ocean apart,
I couldn't feel more secure.
Where is she?!
Why hasn't she called me?
Maybe she met someone!
Yes, that's it.
I knew this would happen!
(video call ringtone)
Oh, hey, sweetie.
There you are.
Hi, sorry I'm late.
I was out until 2:00 in the morning.
Fergus took all of the
interns to the coolest pub.
(laughs)
That Fergus, what a guy.
Handsome, charming,
always blurring the line
between boss and employee.
Fergus has taught me so much.
This experience has been amazing.
I can't believe that
it's over in three days.
Oh, thank God.
Just three more days until
the ceremonial shaving
of my beard of devotion.
There's a ceremony?
So, what's on tap for today?
Oh, I forgot to tell you!
This morning, I got a text from Fergus.
Yay! More him!
And he is so happy with
what I've been doing
that he asked me to
spend the weekend...
(voice breaking up)
Spend the weekend doing what?
Emily, you froze up.
Doing what?
Hello? Hello?!
Hello?
Damn it!
Which way is England?
Emily, hello?
What is going on?
Oh, just a nightmare.
That moved in with me
and refuses to leave.
I'm looking for a hotspot!
You're about an hour late.
Put your hand down.
EMILY: Felix? Hello?
Oh, good, you're back.
Hi...
guys.
That's a pretty scarf.
Thanks.
There's a woman in Camden
Market who makes them by hand.
Yeah, because now is definitely
the time for scarf talk.
You were saying something
about you and Fergus
and a weekend?
Oh, yes.
He asked me to spend the weekend
designing pieces for the fall line
while he's out of town!
Oh, thank God.
That, um...
that he is recognizing your talent
which was bestowed on you
by our Lord, amen.
All right, well, Felix,
I should go, but...
I love you.
I love you more.
No way, mister... I love you more.
That's impossible, because
I love you so much...
Sorry, I didn't see that ever ending.
I know.
These last three months
have taken quite a toll.
I just miss Emily so much,
and I'm terrified of
someone coming between us.
We know the feeling.
Not the threesome I was hoping for.
Me neither.
♪
(blender whirring loudly)
(blender pulsing loudly)
(relieved sigh)
- (blender whirring)
- Will you stop with the blender?
Sorry.
I'm making Emily's welcome home dinner.
I thought Emily wasn't
coming home till tomorrow.
A romantic dinner requires preparation.
And now if you'll excuse me,
I have to tenderize my goose.
You won't have to do that
when Emily gets back.
Why does everybody hate high-fives?
(faint shouting)
Dani, what are you doing?
Storing my stuff here.
Now that Emily's coming back,
I have to clear out of her place
and find myself an apartment.
What about your apartment?
I can't go back there,
with the high rent and the bad plumbing
and the creepy neighbor who spies on me
through the bullet hole in the wall.
Well, I'm sure you'll
find someplace great.
Not as good as Emily's,
with the free cable
and the clear water,
and is no one concerned
about the bullet hole?
Well, if you'll excuse me,
I have to glaze my strudel.
He won't have to do that
when Emily gets back.
I believe you're on the clock.
- Hi, Dani.
- Hi, Charlotte.
I'm off to work.
I'll see you tonight?
I'll pick you up at 8:00.
Ooh, big plans?
Yes, a little birdie reminded me
that it's our three-month anniversary.
So that birdie's
boyfriend is taking her
to a romantic dinner.
Yes, they're going to be
the cutest couple at Langford's.
Langford's?
The sports bar where
we go all the time?
Where you're so comfortable,
you've literally worn pajama bottoms?
You're saying good things,
but in a tone that makes me feel shame.
I just assumed we were
going someplace special,
given the occasion,
but Langford's is fine.
That's right, I mean, let's face it,
we've only been going
out for three months,
and at our age, three months
goes by in, like, a day.
"Our age"?
My age.
Not our age.
I was just thinking that for me,
time goes by really fast,
except for now.
Which feels like forever.
This is how walls get bullet holes.
I will see you tonight.
Why don't you wear your fancy pajamas?
Ooh, the one with the feet!
(video call ringtone)
Emily, what a surprise.
I should warn you,
if this is a booty call,
we are not alone.
Ugh.
I'm calling because
I have some great news.
Well, at least I think it's great,
and I hope that you do too.
I'm sure I will... what is it?
Well, Fergus just called.
Of course he did!
He calls you all the time!
And he's so happy with
what I've been doing
that he asked me to help him
at the big jewelry show in Paris.
And that's tonight?
No, it's in three weeks, so...
I'd be home in a month.
Damn it, the screen froze.
Felix?
Screen didn't freeze.
He's just in shock.
Right, Felix?
Oh, wow.
Wow, another month.
Whoo!
Exciting news, though.
Hey listen, don't you worry
about your apartment.
I will get your mail,
water your plants,
and upgrade your cable to premium.
The Walking Dead is coming back!
You know, I was kind of disappointed
in that tapas restaurant.
Is that because you
thought I said "topless"?
No!
Yes.
Actually, let's go to your place.
Why aren't we going in?
It's Felix.
He's moping over Emily.
I can ignore him,
but you'll get sucked in.
You've got a girl heart.
Emily?
Oh, sorry.
I heard a woman's voice
and thought I might
have a reason to live.
Phew!
That was a close one.
Let's go.
Girl heart.
Felix,
what are you doing?
Just because Emily can't be here
is no reason to let this
delicious meal go to waste.
I thought I could use it
to plug the empty hole
where my heart used to be.
Plug away, pal!
Charlotte, let's go!
Oscar!
We can't leave him alone like this.
He's in pain.
I wish I were in pain.
That would mean I could still feel.
Here we go.
Oscar!
We're staying.
Wonderful.
Help yourselves to goose.
I will grab some extra plates.
And yes, Oscar, your Batman fork.
How can you be so callous?
I'm just sick of it.
He's been wallowing over
Emily for three months now.
He's a wallower,
and I will no longer
swallow that wallow.
He's a romantic.
Not that I'd expect you to understand.
What's that supposed to mean?
I was afraid you were
going to abandon me,
like so many others.
Thank you for being here.
Well, the vote was a tie.
CHARLOTTE: Felix,
have you told Emily how upset you are?
Oh yes, and show her that I'm
the neediest man in the world?
Women love that.
You need to tell her how you feel.
It's just so hard to talk about
feelings over the computer.
Have you thought
about flying to London?
Talking to her in person?
What? That's insane.
Who does that?
Oh, I don't know,
someone with romance in his soul?
Who's never heard of a telephone.
That's a great idea.
I could fly out tomorrow morning,
surprise her, take her in my arms,
and kiss her enthusiastically
on the mouth.
I can do this.
I mean, I'm terrified of flying,
but I'm more terrified of
another month without Emily.
I'm going!
Should I pack the goose or carry it on?
You know what,
they have geese in England!
I'll have you know I can
be pretty damn romantic.
Remember last night,
when we shared that
milkshake at Langford's?
It was your third one.
You couldn't finish it,
so you pushed it over to me
and said you had to
unbutton your pants.
And that is why I wear pajama bottoms.
Thanks for helping me plan my date.
I really want Charlotte to
know that I'm a romantic guy.
You got it.
I'm your agent...
...of love.
Here's what I got so far:
put on a suit...
One that fits.
Good, that's good.
Then a carriage ride through the park,
followed by dinner...
At a place that doesn't
serve curly fries.
Damn it, Teddy, you're on fire!
Yeah!
Then we come back here,
I put on a little mood music...
she loves her Boyz II Men.
That's one classy lady.
Then I'll light some candles
and wow her with...
Oh, Oscar, I'm flattered,
but I think my wife might
have a problem with that.
No, not that!
I need you to help me come
up with some grand gesture.
Something that will show Charlotte
that I have romance in my soul.
If only I had a way of
knowing what women think,
what goes on in their brains.
Well, you know, Oscar...
Not now, Dani!
Now I don't feel so bad
about taking your toaster.
Why does this have to be so hard?
Charlotte and I have been
going out for three months.
I thought we were way past
this whole having-to-prove-
yourself thing.
(laughing)
Oh, you poor, magnificent man-child.
I've been married almost 20 years,
and let me tell you,
you always have to
keep proving yourself.
- Seriously?
- Yes.
Women need to feel
loved and appreciated.
"Romance" is just a fancy word
for showing you give a crap.
Damn.
You should give a seminar.
I'll make some calls
and see if I can come up
with a romantic surprise for tonight.
Thanks, Teddy.
"Give... a... crap."
Well, I'm off to the airport.
Quick question:
do you know where my arm is?
Maybe you packed it in your suitcase?
Aha!
What's going on?
Hm? Oh, maybe it was
those pills that you gave me.
The sleeping pills?
I told you to take those at the airport
so you wouldn't freak out on the plane!
I took them early
so that I would not
freak out in the Uber.
I'll be all right.
Oh, look, this monkey wants
me to take a nap with him.
Felix, come on!
You're going to miss your plane.
No, no, can't do that.
Must show Emily that she's
worth crossing an ocean for.
I'm not going to make it!
Tell Emily I love her
more than life itself!
I'm not going to England.
I was talking to the monkey.
Felix, I hate seeing
you torn up like this.
(knock at door)
Somebody call a car for the airport?
Felix, come on!
You gotta get up and
tell Emily how you feel!
So nobody's going to the airport?
You know what?
I guess I am.
Just get some ticket money...
Ooh, I'm gonna be flying first class!
(rapid knocking)
Who is it?
I should warn you, I'm American,
so I'm aggressive and overconfident!
OSCAR: It's me... Oscar.
Oscar?
What are you doing here?
It's 3:00 a.m.
And... England.
Felix can't live without you.
You gotta come back to New York.
And can I use your loo?
What?
Loo. It's British for
"bathroom," right?
I don't understand.
It was a really long flight,
and there was always
somebody in the bathroom,
and those signs at the airport
can be really confusing.
Not that.
If Felix is missing me so
much, why did he send you?
Why didn't he just come himself,
or I don't know, call me?
Are there dishes in
your sink right now?
Bathroom's right there.
Okay, thank you.
(video call ringtone)
Surprise!
I am... not in London.
What time is it?
It's 3:00 in the morning.
What?
What's happening?
We need to talk.
(toilet flushing)
Was that a toilet flush?
Is someone there with you?
Yeah, that's what we
need to talk about!
I knew it!
It's Fergus, isn't it?!
You're leaving me for that
scone-munching tea-slurper!
Felix, what are you talking about?
I never should have trusted you.
Okay.
First of all, Fergus is gay.
Exactly... he's just your type.
And you couldn't trust me?
Is that why you sent your
lackey to spy on me?
What?
Oh, man!
I didn't think that was ever gonna end.
Oscar, what are you doing there?
When I saw you couldn't go to England,
I felt bad for you.
So I figured I'd go for you
and tell Emily how you feel.
Oh, he just told me how he feels.
He thinks I'm a slut.
I never said that.
Felix, have you seen Oscar?
Honey, look where I am!
Are you in London?
What are you doing?
Felix sent him to spy on me.
Oscar, we're supposed
to be having dinner.
Didn't you get my text?
Uh, yeah, I did.
"Airplane, British flag,
watermelon, cactus."
I've got big thumbs!
So you just flew to London?
All right, it's a long story.
See, when Felix...
(voice breaking up)
Frozen.
To Oscar's bedroom!
And that about explains everything.
Oscar, can you do that again?
That's not the first time
you've said that in that bed.
Felix missed Emily,
and he wanted to tell her in person.
But he couldn't make his flight,
so I came for him.
Seriously?
I'm sorry I missed our dinner.
I can't believe you did that.
That is... incredibly romantic.
Right!
Because...?
Flying halfway around the
world in the name of love?
It's beautiful!
Well, what can I say?
I love love.
EMILY: Well!
Now that that's settled,
maybe I can get back to whoring around.
Right, Felix?
That's not what I meant.
Then why don't you just
tell me what you did mean?
Okay, Emily.
From the bottom of my heart...
TEDDY: Oscar? Charlotte?
BOTH: In here.
Hello!
We're Boyz II Men.
Ta-da!
You must be Charlotte.
Oscar thinks you're a
very special lady.
And that's why
he wants you to...
♪ Close your eyes ♪
♪ Make a wish ♪
♪ And blow out the candlelight ♪
♪ I'll make love to you, ♪
♪ like you want me to ♪
♪ And I'll hold you tight, ♪
♪ baby, all through the night ♪
Wait, wait, wait!
(singing stops)
Where's Oscar?
Hey, Teddy!
Guess where I am?
I'm sorry I didn't tell you.
I'm in London!
Damn it, Oscar!
Do you know how many
strings I had to pull
to get Boyz II Men here?
I sat in the fourth row
at your Madison Square Garden concert.
I remember.
Oh, you do not!
How could I forget
such a beautiful face?
Oh!
Back off, Boyz II Men!
Everyone shut up!
Not you guys, obviously,
you guys sound really great.
Maybe you could give me
some back-up, in fact?
♪ I'll make love to you... ♪
I'm sorry that I didn't trust you.
I guess I was just afraid.
But when you said you weren't
coming back for another month,
part of me was worried that
you weren't coming back at all.
That's crazy!
Of course I'm coming back.
I love you.
I love you too, Emily.
If you're worried,
I'll come back right now.
No, no, no.
Now that I see how silly I've been,
I want you to stay.
I'll be waiting for you
when you get back.
Um, you know,
we have a show here
if you want to come check us out.
OSCAR: Hey, Boyz II Men, get
your mitts off my girl!
I'm sorry.
I'm taken by my very
romantic boyfriend.
Fair enough... our job is done.
Uh, hey!
Oscar's paying you for a full hour,
so you mind swinging by my place?
You know any Fifth Dimension?
Oscar Madison,
you get back here as soon as you can.
I'll be on the next plane.
And Felix, I'll be thinking
about you every minute.
I love you, Emily.
All right.
Oh!
Only a few more boxes... and I am back
in Emily's apartment.
I don't know why I'm holding
on to these Beanie Babies.
Oscar says he's in the lobster.
I think he means "lobby."
You know, I'm starting to
think it's not his thumbs.
Buongiorno!
I'm back from England!
Can't help it... I love him.
Got something for you.
Oh no, Oscar,
you've already done too much for me.
You sure?
He says he doesn't want you.
Emily!
What about your jewelry show?
Paris is the most
romantic city in the world.
I didn't want to be there without you.
Thank you, Oscar.
Oh!
Hey, Dani, I'm back!
Son of a bitch!
We'll be right down.
Car's here.
Your London internship awaits.
Felix, I can't do this.
Of course you can.
Just remember, women are
birds, men are blokes,
and a shag is more than
just a kind of carpet.
Don't shag any blokes.
No, I mean I can't be away
from you for three whole months.
How about this?
We can have breakfast
together every single day
via the miracle of video conferencing.
You can't do that.
That'll be, like, 3:00 a.m. for you.
Nonsense!
Or as they say across
the pond, codswallop.
You're so calm about this.
Just a week ago,
you were begging me to stay.
Well, I thought about it,
and I trust you and I
trust our relationship.
And even though we'll be
an ocean apart,
I couldn't feel more secure.
Where is she?!
Why hasn't she called me?
Maybe she met someone!
Yes, that's it.
I knew this would happen!
(video call ringtone)
Oh, hey, sweetie.
There you are.
Hi, sorry I'm late.
I was out until 2:00 in the morning.
Fergus took all of the
interns to the coolest pub.
(laughs)
That Fergus, what a guy.
Handsome, charming,
always blurring the line
between boss and employee.
Fergus has taught me so much.
This experience has been amazing.
I can't believe that
it's over in three days.
Oh, thank God.
Just three more days until
the ceremonial shaving
of my beard of devotion.
There's a ceremony?
So, what's on tap for today?
Oh, I forgot to tell you!
This morning, I got a text from Fergus.
Yay! More him!
And he is so happy with
what I've been doing
that he asked me to
spend the weekend...
(voice breaking up)
Spend the weekend doing what?
Emily, you froze up.
Doing what?
Hello? Hello?!
Hello?
Damn it!
Which way is England?
Emily, hello?
What is going on?
Oh, just a nightmare.
That moved in with me
and refuses to leave.
I'm looking for a hotspot!
You're about an hour late.
Put your hand down.
EMILY: Felix? Hello?
Oh, good, you're back.
Hi...
guys.
That's a pretty scarf.
Thanks.
There's a woman in Camden
Market who makes them by hand.
Yeah, because now is definitely
the time for scarf talk.
You were saying something
about you and Fergus
and a weekend?
Oh, yes.
He asked me to spend the weekend
designing pieces for the fall line
while he's out of town!
Oh, thank God.
That, um...
that he is recognizing your talent
which was bestowed on you
by our Lord, amen.
All right, well, Felix,
I should go, but...
I love you.
I love you more.
No way, mister... I love you more.
That's impossible, because
I love you so much...
Sorry, I didn't see that ever ending.
I know.
These last three months
have taken quite a toll.
I just miss Emily so much,
and I'm terrified of
someone coming between us.
We know the feeling.
Not the threesome I was hoping for.
Me neither.
♪
(blender whirring loudly)
(blender pulsing loudly)
(relieved sigh)
- (blender whirring)
- Will you stop with the blender?
Sorry.
I'm making Emily's welcome home dinner.
I thought Emily wasn't
coming home till tomorrow.
A romantic dinner requires preparation.
And now if you'll excuse me,
I have to tenderize my goose.
You won't have to do that
when Emily gets back.
Why does everybody hate high-fives?
(faint shouting)
Dani, what are you doing?
Storing my stuff here.
Now that Emily's coming back,
I have to clear out of her place
and find myself an apartment.
What about your apartment?
I can't go back there,
with the high rent and the bad plumbing
and the creepy neighbor who spies on me
through the bullet hole in the wall.
Well, I'm sure you'll
find someplace great.
Not as good as Emily's,
with the free cable
and the clear water,
and is no one concerned
about the bullet hole?
Well, if you'll excuse me,
I have to glaze my strudel.
He won't have to do that
when Emily gets back.
I believe you're on the clock.
- Hi, Dani.
- Hi, Charlotte.
I'm off to work.
I'll see you tonight?
I'll pick you up at 8:00.
Ooh, big plans?
Yes, a little birdie reminded me
that it's our three-month anniversary.
So that birdie's
boyfriend is taking her
to a romantic dinner.
Yes, they're going to be
the cutest couple at Langford's.
Langford's?
The sports bar where
we go all the time?
Where you're so comfortable,
you've literally worn pajama bottoms?
You're saying good things,
but in a tone that makes me feel shame.
I just assumed we were
going someplace special,
given the occasion,
but Langford's is fine.
That's right, I mean, let's face it,
we've only been going
out for three months,
and at our age, three months
goes by in, like, a day.
"Our age"?
My age.
Not our age.
I was just thinking that for me,
time goes by really fast,
except for now.
Which feels like forever.
This is how walls get bullet holes.
I will see you tonight.
Why don't you wear your fancy pajamas?
Ooh, the one with the feet!
(video call ringtone)
Emily, what a surprise.
I should warn you,
if this is a booty call,
we are not alone.
Ugh.
I'm calling because
I have some great news.
Well, at least I think it's great,
and I hope that you do too.
I'm sure I will... what is it?
Well, Fergus just called.
Of course he did!
He calls you all the time!
And he's so happy with
what I've been doing
that he asked me to help him
at the big jewelry show in Paris.
And that's tonight?
No, it's in three weeks, so...
I'd be home in a month.
Damn it, the screen froze.
Felix?
Screen didn't freeze.
He's just in shock.
Right, Felix?
Oh, wow.
Wow, another month.
Whoo!
Exciting news, though.
Hey listen, don't you worry
about your apartment.
I will get your mail,
water your plants,
and upgrade your cable to premium.
The Walking Dead is coming back!
You know, I was kind of disappointed
in that tapas restaurant.
Is that because you
thought I said "topless"?
No!
Yes.
Actually, let's go to your place.
Why aren't we going in?
It's Felix.
He's moping over Emily.
I can ignore him,
but you'll get sucked in.
You've got a girl heart.
Emily?
Oh, sorry.
I heard a woman's voice
and thought I might
have a reason to live.
Phew!
That was a close one.
Let's go.
Girl heart.
Felix,
what are you doing?
Just because Emily can't be here
is no reason to let this
delicious meal go to waste.
I thought I could use it
to plug the empty hole
where my heart used to be.
Plug away, pal!
Charlotte, let's go!
Oscar!
We can't leave him alone like this.
He's in pain.
I wish I were in pain.
That would mean I could still feel.
Here we go.
Oscar!
We're staying.
Wonderful.
Help yourselves to goose.
I will grab some extra plates.
And yes, Oscar, your Batman fork.
How can you be so callous?
I'm just sick of it.
He's been wallowing over
Emily for three months now.
He's a wallower,
and I will no longer
swallow that wallow.
He's a romantic.
Not that I'd expect you to understand.
What's that supposed to mean?
I was afraid you were
going to abandon me,
like so many others.
Thank you for being here.
Well, the vote was a tie.
CHARLOTTE: Felix,
have you told Emily how upset you are?
Oh yes, and show her that I'm
the neediest man in the world?
Women love that.
You need to tell her how you feel.
It's just so hard to talk about
feelings over the computer.
Have you thought
about flying to London?
Talking to her in person?
What? That's insane.
Who does that?
Oh, I don't know,
someone with romance in his soul?
Who's never heard of a telephone.
That's a great idea.
I could fly out tomorrow morning,
surprise her, take her in my arms,
and kiss her enthusiastically
on the mouth.
I can do this.
I mean, I'm terrified of flying,
but I'm more terrified of
another month without Emily.
I'm going!
Should I pack the goose or carry it on?
You know what,
they have geese in England!
I'll have you know I can
be pretty damn romantic.
Remember last night,
when we shared that
milkshake at Langford's?
It was your third one.
You couldn't finish it,
so you pushed it over to me
and said you had to
unbutton your pants.
And that is why I wear pajama bottoms.
Thanks for helping me plan my date.
I really want Charlotte to
know that I'm a romantic guy.
You got it.
I'm your agent...
...of love.
Here's what I got so far:
put on a suit...
One that fits.
Good, that's good.
Then a carriage ride through the park,
followed by dinner...
At a place that doesn't
serve curly fries.
Damn it, Teddy, you're on fire!
Yeah!
Then we come back here,
I put on a little mood music...
she loves her Boyz II Men.
That's one classy lady.
Then I'll light some candles
and wow her with...
Oh, Oscar, I'm flattered,
but I think my wife might
have a problem with that.
No, not that!
I need you to help me come
up with some grand gesture.
Something that will show Charlotte
that I have romance in my soul.
If only I had a way of
knowing what women think,
what goes on in their brains.
Well, you know, Oscar...
Not now, Dani!
Now I don't feel so bad
about taking your toaster.
Why does this have to be so hard?
Charlotte and I have been
going out for three months.
I thought we were way past
this whole having-to-prove-
yourself thing.
(laughing)
Oh, you poor, magnificent man-child.
I've been married almost 20 years,
and let me tell you,
you always have to
keep proving yourself.
- Seriously?
- Yes.
Women need to feel
loved and appreciated.
"Romance" is just a fancy word
for showing you give a crap.
Damn.
You should give a seminar.
I'll make some calls
and see if I can come up
with a romantic surprise for tonight.
Thanks, Teddy.
"Give... a... crap."
Well, I'm off to the airport.
Quick question:
do you know where my arm is?
Maybe you packed it in your suitcase?
Aha!
What's going on?
Hm? Oh, maybe it was
those pills that you gave me.
The sleeping pills?
I told you to take those at the airport
so you wouldn't freak out on the plane!
I took them early
so that I would not
freak out in the Uber.
I'll be all right.
Oh, look, this monkey wants
me to take a nap with him.
Felix, come on!
You're going to miss your plane.
No, no, can't do that.
Must show Emily that she's
worth crossing an ocean for.
I'm not going to make it!
Tell Emily I love her
more than life itself!
I'm not going to England.
I was talking to the monkey.
Felix, I hate seeing
you torn up like this.
(knock at door)
Somebody call a car for the airport?
Felix, come on!
You gotta get up and
tell Emily how you feel!
So nobody's going to the airport?
You know what?
I guess I am.
Just get some ticket money...
Ooh, I'm gonna be flying first class!
(rapid knocking)
Who is it?
I should warn you, I'm American,
so I'm aggressive and overconfident!
OSCAR: It's me... Oscar.
Oscar?
What are you doing here?
It's 3:00 a.m.
And... England.
Felix can't live without you.
You gotta come back to New York.
And can I use your loo?
What?
Loo. It's British for
"bathroom," right?
I don't understand.
It was a really long flight,
and there was always
somebody in the bathroom,
and those signs at the airport
can be really confusing.
Not that.
If Felix is missing me so
much, why did he send you?
Why didn't he just come himself,
or I don't know, call me?
Are there dishes in
your sink right now?
Bathroom's right there.
Okay, thank you.
(video call ringtone)
Surprise!
I am... not in London.
What time is it?
It's 3:00 in the morning.
What?
What's happening?
We need to talk.
(toilet flushing)
Was that a toilet flush?
Is someone there with you?
Yeah, that's what we
need to talk about!
I knew it!
It's Fergus, isn't it?!
You're leaving me for that
scone-munching tea-slurper!
Felix, what are you talking about?
I never should have trusted you.
Okay.
First of all, Fergus is gay.
Exactly... he's just your type.
And you couldn't trust me?
Is that why you sent your
lackey to spy on me?
What?
Oh, man!
I didn't think that was ever gonna end.
Oscar, what are you doing there?
When I saw you couldn't go to England,
I felt bad for you.
So I figured I'd go for you
and tell Emily how you feel.
Oh, he just told me how he feels.
He thinks I'm a slut.
I never said that.
Felix, have you seen Oscar?
Honey, look where I am!
Are you in London?
What are you doing?
Felix sent him to spy on me.
Oscar, we're supposed
to be having dinner.
Didn't you get my text?
Uh, yeah, I did.
"Airplane, British flag,
watermelon, cactus."
I've got big thumbs!
So you just flew to London?
All right, it's a long story.
See, when Felix...
(voice breaking up)
Frozen.
To Oscar's bedroom!
And that about explains everything.
Oscar, can you do that again?
That's not the first time
you've said that in that bed.
Felix missed Emily,
and he wanted to tell her in person.
But he couldn't make his flight,
so I came for him.
Seriously?
I'm sorry I missed our dinner.
I can't believe you did that.
That is... incredibly romantic.
Right!
Because...?
Flying halfway around the
world in the name of love?
It's beautiful!
Well, what can I say?
I love love.
EMILY: Well!
Now that that's settled,
maybe I can get back to whoring around.
Right, Felix?
That's not what I meant.
Then why don't you just
tell me what you did mean?
Okay, Emily.
From the bottom of my heart...
TEDDY: Oscar? Charlotte?
BOTH: In here.
Hello!
We're Boyz II Men.
Ta-da!
You must be Charlotte.
Oscar thinks you're a
very special lady.
And that's why
he wants you to...
♪ Close your eyes ♪
♪ Make a wish ♪
♪ And blow out the candlelight ♪
♪ I'll make love to you, ♪
♪ like you want me to ♪
♪ And I'll hold you tight, ♪
♪ baby, all through the night ♪
Wait, wait, wait!
(singing stops)
Where's Oscar?
Hey, Teddy!
Guess where I am?
I'm sorry I didn't tell you.
I'm in London!
Damn it, Oscar!
Do you know how many
strings I had to pull
to get Boyz II Men here?
I sat in the fourth row
at your Madison Square Garden concert.
I remember.
Oh, you do not!
How could I forget
such a beautiful face?
Oh!
Back off, Boyz II Men!
Everyone shut up!
Not you guys, obviously,
you guys sound really great.
Maybe you could give me
some back-up, in fact?
♪ I'll make love to you... ♪
I'm sorry that I didn't trust you.
I guess I was just afraid.
But when you said you weren't
coming back for another month,
part of me was worried that
you weren't coming back at all.
That's crazy!
Of course I'm coming back.
I love you.
I love you too, Emily.
If you're worried,
I'll come back right now.
No, no, no.
Now that I see how silly I've been,
I want you to stay.
I'll be waiting for you
when you get back.
Um, you know,
we have a show here
if you want to come check us out.
OSCAR: Hey, Boyz II Men, get
your mitts off my girl!
I'm sorry.
I'm taken by my very
romantic boyfriend.
Fair enough... our job is done.
Uh, hey!
Oscar's paying you for a full hour,
so you mind swinging by my place?
You know any Fifth Dimension?
Oscar Madison,
you get back here as soon as you can.
I'll be on the next plane.
And Felix, I'll be thinking
about you every minute.
I love you, Emily.
All right.
Oh!
Only a few more boxes... and I am back
in Emily's apartment.
I don't know why I'm holding
on to these Beanie Babies.
Oscar says he's in the lobster.
I think he means "lobby."
You know, I'm starting to
think it's not his thumbs.
Buongiorno!
I'm back from England!
Can't help it... I love him.
Got something for you.
Oh no, Oscar,
you've already done too much for me.
You sure?
He says he doesn't want you.
Emily!
What about your jewelry show?
Paris is the most
romantic city in the world.
I didn't want to be there without you.
Thank you, Oscar.
Oh!
Hey, Dani, I'm back!
Son of a bitch!