The Odd Couple (2015–2017): Season 1, Episode 3 - The Birthday Party - full transcript
When Oscar realizes he forgot Felix's birthday, he plans an impromptu surprise party.
Hey, Oscar.
Casey,
you're back.
Hey.
I thought you were shooting
a commercial in Madrid,
then a week in Turkey,
then back on the 21st,
British Airways Flight 117.
Or something like that.
That was the plan,
but it got changed
because of a war.
Ugh, rude.
So I'm back,
but then off to London
in the morning.
Oh, sounds like we have
just enough time
for another date.
Oh, I'd love to,
but I should probably
sleep off this jet lag.
Sleep? For jet lag?
That's, like,
the worst thing you can do.
I'm glad you ran into me.
Oh, really?
What would you suggest?
Well, your body needs a workout.
You really need
to keep it moving.
So, like a run?
Yes, but with less vertical
pressure on the knees.
What you're looking for
is something high-intensity,
really get the heart pounding.
Definitely indoors.
And maybe...
maybe with a partner.
Huh.
It sounds
like you're describing sex.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
where'd that come from?
Wow, if this is your A-game,
Madison,
you should be sent down
to the minors.
A sports reference.
God made you right.
Okay, we don't have
enough time for a date,
but can I at least
offer you a drink?
I do like to drink.
God, we have so much in common.
Here, let me get that.
Oh, thanks.
Wow, surprisingly light.
Oh, it's mostly bikinis.
Oscar?
Yes, I'm Oscar!
Hey, Felix.
Casey.
Oscar said you wouldn't be back
until 8:35
on the morning of the 21st.
OSCAR:
Just ignore him.
And whatever you do,
don't ask him about the...
Is that a vacuum cleaner?
...vacuum cleaner.
Yes, I'm doing
my monthly deep cleaning.
Did you know that the inside
of the vacuum cleaner
is the dirtiest part
of the home? And why?
Because all of the dirt from
the home goes into the vacuum.
Ah.
The more you know, huh?
Let's get that cocktail.
Yeah.
This one's on its last legs, but
I just can't bring myself to...
pull the plug.
(laughs)
It's good to have
a sense of humor.
Especially today
of all days.
Why? What's today?
Hmm? Huh? Oh, uh, nothing.
(mumbling):
Just... my birthday.
What?
Hmm?
Happy birthday!
Oh.
Come here.
(chuckles)
No, I don't want any fuss.
As you wish.
Here we go.
Uh, first birthday
as a newly single man.
Whoo, hoo, hoo.
Ugh. Are you gonna be okay?
Oh, no, the birthday part's
fine. It just...
also happens to be
the anniversary of the day
that I met Ashley, so...
You met your wife
on your birthday?
It's a cute story.
I'll tell you some other time.
Okay.
But if you like cute stories,
it's right up there.
I want to hear it.
He was cleaning a vacuum.
We just had to go ten feet.
I was at my local roller rink,
taking advantage
of their "skate for free
on your birthday" policy.
You're a skater?
(chuckling):
Oh, please.
I caught the bug
when I was a boy.
Aw.
And you know what they say
about roller skating.
Nothing. They say nothing
about roller skating.
"You can't get that feeling till
you're out there a-wheeling."
(chuckles)
Anyway, I'm out there
gliding along,
and I see this gorgeous
creature stumble.
Oscar.
She scrapes
her perfect knee,
and then we get to talking.
I invite her back to my place
because I have
a first aid kit, which...
(laughing):
I know sounds
like a sexual ploy...
(chuckles sarcastically)
It really doesn't.
And the rest is history.
Anyway, every year after that,
Ashley and I would just...
happen to meet each other there
on the rink on my birthday.
Oh, my God, that's so cute.
Even though we haven't
been talking,
part of me wonders
if maybe she might...
lace up the old skates and...
No, no, no.
She's not gonna be there.
She kicked you out.
She's moving on.
You've got to move on, too.
Yep.
That's right. I'm... Yep.
Um, excuse me.
I'm just gonna get some air.
Attaboy. Okay.
Yep.
Oscar, stop. How could
you treat him like that?
You're supposed
to be his friend.
I am his friend.
I told him the truth.
(sighs loudly)
What was that?
That's Felix.
I'll take care of it.
(sighing loudly)
That's your solution?
Unbelievable.
Your friend is in pain,
and all you can think about
is scoring with a pretty girl.
Really? You think you're
pretty? I don't see it.
And you're wrong about me.
I do care about him.
In fact, I have something
planned for him for later.
It's gonna be
really exciting.
Well, he doesn't seem
so excited.
Well, he doesn't
know about it yet.
So it's like
a surprise birthday party?
Yes, like a surprise
birthday party!
That's so nice.
So what do you
think of me now?
FELIX:
I'll tell you what I think
of you, Oscar Madison.
I think you are the best friend
a fella's ever had. Come here!
(grunts)
And don't worry, I will do
my best to look surprised.
Is this a friend or what?
Oscar, I thought
you were this gruff guy,
but when I see
how protective you are of Felix,
it's kind of sweet.
So how about that drink?
Well, I would really love to,
but I just remembered
there's a few last-minute things
I need to take care of
for tonight.
I mean, all the big stuff's done
'cause I planned this,
like, way in advance.
But I do need to pop
into that party store,
the one on, uh...
71st Street?
Yes. Good.
And it has that
obscure cross street...
Broadway?
Yes, that's the one.
So I'll go there, and why don't
you go upstairs to sleep off
some of that jet lag,
and I'll meet you here tonight.
I thought you said
sleeping was bad for jet lag.
You know I'm not really
a doctor, right?
What's going on?
All I could hear
on the phone was
"emergency."
All I heard was
"life or death."
"Doughnuts."
Look, it's Felix's birthday,
and it kind of got past me,
and I need you guys to help me
put together a party
for tonight.
This is your
life-or-death emergency?
I figured you got shot
by a jealous husband
or a... an angry athlete
or your ex-wife.
Damn, a lot
of people hate you.
I'm getting
a sinking feeling
about the doughnuts.
Oscar, you... you know
this is my day off, right?
Yes, but I didn't call you
as my assistant;
I called you as my friend.
No, Roy's your friend.
I'm getting
time and a half.
Come on, guys, this is Felix,
and he needs us.
And it's just
a few small things.
What do you need?
Food and drinks.
Also ice, cake, decorations,
gifts, music and guests.
So you've done everything
except all of it.
All right,
I'll take care
of ice and guests.
Oh, and I need you guys
to be the guests.
Guests.
All right, what the hell?
My daughter's having
a sleepover tonight,
so I'm happy
to get out of the house.
Where's Felix now?
Oh, he'll be gone
the whole rest of the day.
I sent him
to the Container Store.
It's his happy place.
He always says
the only thing
that they can't contain
is his enthusiasm
for the Container Store.
(phone rings)
Here you go,
Time and a Half.
Oscar Madison's office.
It's someone about the party.
Yeah, I've been calling people
from a list of his contacts.
Hi. Hello.
Yes, I didn't get your RSVP
for Felix Unger's
birthday party.
Really? Damn post office!
No, you don't have to worry
about bringing a gift.
Although, if it's on your way,
I could use 50 pounds of ice.
Great.
Ice.
(violin playing)
Okay, we got guests,
food, music.
Isn't that the weird guy that
plays on the subway for change?
Go away, Roy.
And Teddy's coming by
later with the cake.
Am I forgetting anything?
Uh, let's see. To reimburse me
for all the stuff I bought.
To tell me I look nice
for the party.
To show some appreciation
for me working on my day off.
I don't have a lot
of time. Pick one.
(doorbell rings)
Tell me I look pretty.
Well, you do.
You look beautiful.
Boy, you better stop playing
with me.
Hey, Emily, where's your sister?
Until I was ten, I thought
"Where's your sister?"
was my last name.
Ooh, that must have been rough.
So, you know, where is she?
Casey's still getting ready,
but it shouldn't take long.
She just holds her arms out
and the birds dress her.
Nice vacuum. Here,
let me go in on that with you.
Here's 20 bucks.
It cost $300.
Well, write my name small.
Here's your cake.
Sorry I can't stay.
The hell you can't.
Hey, watch
your language.
My wife reminded me that I
promised to host the sleepover.
I'm not sure I did, but...
is this the hill
I want to die on?
Well, bring them in here.
I need bodies to
fill out the room.
But we're supposed to play games
and tell stories
and have a tea party.
You can do all that in here.
This is the perfect place
to have a princess party.
Is it okay to mix rum and
antianxiety medication?
Welcome to the enchanted
castle, miladies.
Milady.
Yeah.
Hey, sweetie,
you remember Mr. Madison.
He talks about sports
on the radio.
Daddy's
favorite client.
Oh, yeah. You take ten percent,
and he does all the work.
(Teddy chuckles)
Oh, honey, that's
an at-home joke.
(jangling)
Ooh, ooh. It's Felix.
FELIX:
Oh, what a long,
disappointing day!
No friends around
to cheer me up. Oh, well!
I guess I'll just spend
a quiet night alone
drinking tea.
Just boil up some wa...
wa... What?!
ALL:
Surprise!
Happy birthday, buddy.
Oh,
Oscar, thank you.
This is exactly what I needed
to keep my mind off of Ashley:
being surrounded
by my closest...
my close...
my... I don't think
I know some of these people.
What are you
talking about?
There's your friend Ken and
your old neighbors the Fishers,
who were kind
enough to bring ice.
And there's your
favorite waitress
from Santino's Deli,
who looks a lot different
when she's not wearing
her name tag.
Maureen.
Maureen. Yes. Maureen.
Happy Birthday, Gluten-free.
Thanks for coming,
Maureen.
You got it, Extra Bacon.
And I have a
surprise for you.
I'm sure you'll recognize
eight-time NBA All-Star
Dwight Howard.
Hi, Felix. I'm eight-time
NBA All-Star Dwight Howard,
and I want to wish you
a happy birthday.
I hope it's a real slam dunk.
Uh... thank you?
Now, now,
Dwight, let's not
hog the birthday boy.
Roy, fix this man a drink.
Oscar, you know I get paid
for appearances like this?
Hey, you lost a bet, man.
That's what happens
when you question
my Beyoncé knowledge.
(grunts)
Oh, did you just run out
and get this today?
Oh, no, I bought it a month ago
after I searched public records
and found out when
Felix's birthday was.
Mmm, sounds like somebody's
got a little crush.
They're public records.
Anyone can look.
Anyone with a crush.
Hey. Hey, sorry I'm late.
There she is,
the guest of honor.
After Felix.
Of course,
after Felix.
Wow, it looks great.
Now, now.
Tonight's not about me.
It's about my buddy Felix
and how he was
pulled back from the abyss...
by me.
Speaking of which.
Happy birthday, Felix.
Thank you. Oscar,
I was just having
an odd conversation
with a man called Milos.
Oh, you know Milos.
He's our FedEx guy.
Loves Felix.
Okay, well, he told me
he was delivering a package
this afternoon
and you invited him.
Yes,
invited him to RSVP to something
that I sent him a month ago.
Look, I know
he's your friend, Felix,
but next year,
I don't want him here.
Come on.
Do you like it,
Daddy?
Ooh, I love it.
I look so beautiful. Mm.
Doesn't he look
like a pretty princess?
Well, Roy? Don't I look
like a pretty princess?
Yes?
Damn right. Keep walking.
(violin playing)
He is very good.
Where have I seen him play?
He looks like the guy
who plays in the subway.
All right, gifts,
everybody, gifts.
Everybody gather
around the birthday boy.
Uh, Oscar, shouldn't we do
the singing and cake first?
We can do that
on your birthday, Roy.
Oh. You know, I didn't
want to say anything,
you know, 'cause Felix
is in kind of a bad place,
but coincidentally,
today is also my b...
Here we go.
Hooray!
Wow, you guys
did not have to do this.
Whoa, is this
what I think it is?
It is.
It's from Casey and me.
And me, but you'll see that
when you read the card.
Wow. An actual Verschlagen.
What is it, like
a fancy vacuum?
Are you kidding me?
The Verschlagen
makes the Wolfmarten
look like a Steinlutz.
Wow,
these are not available in
America. How did you get this?
Oh, it was nothing. I searched
online and I found a guy
in Stuttgart who was
willing to make a trade.
Once a month,
I just have to send him
a picture of Casey's bare feet.
Wait, what?
Don't worry, I'll just do it
when you're sleeping.
Well, thank you.
We should take it
for a test drive.
Open mine.
Whoa.
Oh, I see holes in the lid.
Mm-hmm.
No, it can't be. I...
(gasps)
Whoa. Oh.
Aw.
Adorable.
Right? She's so cheerful
and happy, and I thought
you could use some company.
That is so thoughtful of you.
You know, this bird
is actually quite symbolic.
(bird tweets)
Look at her,
singing her happy song,
even as she starts a new
life in a strange place.
Maybe I, too, should be
looking forward to the future
with optimism and hope.
In fact, that will be your name.
Aw. (chuckles)
Hope.
Sorry.
Um, hey, Oscar,
it's a great party, but my
flight leaves
in eight hours, so...
No, no, don't leave.
I was thinking maybe we could go
to my place and have that drink.
Leave, leave.
Why are we standing here?
Wow, Maureen,
that is a lot of half and half.
Label says they're expired,
but don't worry--
they always build in
some wiggle room.
I will cherish these until...
last September.
♪ Good night, ladies ♪
♪ Good night, ladies ♪
♪ Good night, ladies ♪
What's happening?
What am I watching?
♪ We're going to
leave you now. ♪
Jim. (laughs)
Jim and I were in a singing
group together in college.
That doesn't make it okay.
Great to see you, Jim.
You look great.
Where's Ashley?
Oh, um...
No, we're, uh...
You split up?
But you were so happy.
We were, yes.
I'm shocked.
We all thought you were
the perfect couple.
I thought so, too.
♪ The sun'll come out ♪
♪ To... ♪
Great to see you, Jim.
I got the Verschlagen working.
(bird shrieking)
(Felix screaming)
Oh, God! Make it stop...
Rever... Reverse
the flow.
Reverse it.
Make it stop.
I don't know how. I can't.
Oh...
I'm so sorry, Felix, it...
it looks like Hope is gone.
For a brief moment,
you had Hope,
but no more.
When you find your soul mate,
it's like this radar
that goes,
"Ping, that's the one.
Ping, that's the one."
But the question is,
when she leaves,
how do you stop pinging?
Because that...
that is the torture.
You're making Buddy sad.
Sorry, Buddy.
I guess what I'm saying, girls,
is life is not
like a princess movie.
Sometimes the princess leaves.
Why?
Oh. Good luck getting
a straight answer.
No, it could be
a million things.
Could be the way
that he re-cleans the castle
after she spent
the whole day on it.
Maybe it's his insistence
on the proper usage
of the word "whom."
A prince doesn't
let a princess get away.
Even if she hates him.
He always comes back.
Even if it takes 100 years.
Oh, God... Oh, God,
I'm sorry about the mess.
I hate to clean.
Marry me.
Whoa,
I didn't realize
it had gotten so late.
My plane leaves in seven hours.
Seven hours, huh?
Usually I'd insist
on stretching first,
but since we're in a race
against the clock, I'll just
have you sign a release.
Do you have a pen?
Casey, I'm looking for Oscar.
He's not here.
Felix disappeared
from the party,
and he seemed really depressed.
He's not answering his phone.
I mean, what if he's out
wandering the streets?
Well, you've got a Verschlagen.
Just suck him back up.
Oscar.
(sighs)
Did he just leave?
Did he talk to anybody?
Last time I saw him, he was
talking to the princesses.
They were having tea
and talking about true love
and happy endings.
I think I know
where he went.
Well, where? I'll go get him.
No, I'll go.
Oscar, why don't we let
Emily go get him?
No, I should go.
He needs a friend right now.
I'm going.
Here I go.
I can't move.
My body's at war
with itself.
No, this feels wrong.
He's been doing that
nearly an hour.
Just around...
...and around.
Guess I should tell him
we're closing soon.
Just give me one second
with him. It's his birthday.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
No one allowed past that
line without skates.
Felix.
Oscar. What are you doing here?
I came to bring you
back to the party.
Everybody's
worried about you.
I'm not leaving till they close.
I don't think she's
coming back, man.
How do you know?
Maybe she had a change of heart
or she got stuck in traffic
or a million other things.
I know this is really hard,
but you got to let it go.
Do you think that she at least
thought about it?
Do you think that she
looked at the date
and was tempted
to see if I was here?
Of course she thought...
I've fallen.
Just give me one second.
Okay, okay, sure.
You know, this is probably a
really hard day for Ashley, too.
Did you ever
think of that?
No.
Look, I don't know what's
going on over there,
but I can guarantee
you one thing:
she didn't forget you.
Felix Unger is many things,
but he's not forgettable.
Thank you, Oscar.
You are a good friend.
No, I'm not.
Why not?
I completely forgot about
your birthday, and I just
threw the whole party
together at the last minute.
Yes, yes, I kind of
figured that out.
Really? How?
Well, the guest list
gave it away.
Also, I caught
the violinist using my shower.
Ah.
Still, you are a good friend.
Aw, how can you say that?
Because you showed up.
Oh. We should go.
Ooh, that knee
does not look good.
You know what? I have a first
aid kit back at the apartment.
You know, when you
say it that way,
it does sound
like a sexual ploy.
So, you going over to Casey's?
No, it's past midnight.
I think I blew it.
(phone dings)
That you?
Yes.
Oh.
"Hope you had a good birthday."
Ashley?
Yeah.
Oh, that's great, buddy.
I'm glad. You deserve it.
(phone dings)
That's you.
"This is what
I'm wearing right now."
Yikes.
Casey?
Maureen the waitress,
wearing only her name tag.
Yikes.
Well, this phone's ruined.
Happy birthday, buddy.
That's a funny place
for a name tag.
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
Casey,
you're back.
Hey.
I thought you were shooting
a commercial in Madrid,
then a week in Turkey,
then back on the 21st,
British Airways Flight 117.
Or something like that.
That was the plan,
but it got changed
because of a war.
Ugh, rude.
So I'm back,
but then off to London
in the morning.
Oh, sounds like we have
just enough time
for another date.
Oh, I'd love to,
but I should probably
sleep off this jet lag.
Sleep? For jet lag?
That's, like,
the worst thing you can do.
I'm glad you ran into me.
Oh, really?
What would you suggest?
Well, your body needs a workout.
You really need
to keep it moving.
So, like a run?
Yes, but with less vertical
pressure on the knees.
What you're looking for
is something high-intensity,
really get the heart pounding.
Definitely indoors.
And maybe...
maybe with a partner.
Huh.
It sounds
like you're describing sex.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
where'd that come from?
Wow, if this is your A-game,
Madison,
you should be sent down
to the minors.
A sports reference.
God made you right.
Okay, we don't have
enough time for a date,
but can I at least
offer you a drink?
I do like to drink.
God, we have so much in common.
Here, let me get that.
Oh, thanks.
Wow, surprisingly light.
Oh, it's mostly bikinis.
Oscar?
Yes, I'm Oscar!
Hey, Felix.
Casey.
Oscar said you wouldn't be back
until 8:35
on the morning of the 21st.
OSCAR:
Just ignore him.
And whatever you do,
don't ask him about the...
Is that a vacuum cleaner?
...vacuum cleaner.
Yes, I'm doing
my monthly deep cleaning.
Did you know that the inside
of the vacuum cleaner
is the dirtiest part
of the home? And why?
Because all of the dirt from
the home goes into the vacuum.
Ah.
The more you know, huh?
Let's get that cocktail.
Yeah.
This one's on its last legs, but
I just can't bring myself to...
pull the plug.
(laughs)
It's good to have
a sense of humor.
Especially today
of all days.
Why? What's today?
Hmm? Huh? Oh, uh, nothing.
(mumbling):
Just... my birthday.
What?
Hmm?
Happy birthday!
Oh.
Come here.
(chuckles)
No, I don't want any fuss.
As you wish.
Here we go.
Uh, first birthday
as a newly single man.
Whoo, hoo, hoo.
Ugh. Are you gonna be okay?
Oh, no, the birthday part's
fine. It just...
also happens to be
the anniversary of the day
that I met Ashley, so...
You met your wife
on your birthday?
It's a cute story.
I'll tell you some other time.
Okay.
But if you like cute stories,
it's right up there.
I want to hear it.
He was cleaning a vacuum.
We just had to go ten feet.
I was at my local roller rink,
taking advantage
of their "skate for free
on your birthday" policy.
You're a skater?
(chuckling):
Oh, please.
I caught the bug
when I was a boy.
Aw.
And you know what they say
about roller skating.
Nothing. They say nothing
about roller skating.
"You can't get that feeling till
you're out there a-wheeling."
(chuckles)
Anyway, I'm out there
gliding along,
and I see this gorgeous
creature stumble.
Oscar.
She scrapes
her perfect knee,
and then we get to talking.
I invite her back to my place
because I have
a first aid kit, which...
(laughing):
I know sounds
like a sexual ploy...
(chuckles sarcastically)
It really doesn't.
And the rest is history.
Anyway, every year after that,
Ashley and I would just...
happen to meet each other there
on the rink on my birthday.
Oh, my God, that's so cute.
Even though we haven't
been talking,
part of me wonders
if maybe she might...
lace up the old skates and...
No, no, no.
She's not gonna be there.
She kicked you out.
She's moving on.
You've got to move on, too.
Yep.
That's right. I'm... Yep.
Um, excuse me.
I'm just gonna get some air.
Attaboy. Okay.
Yep.
Oscar, stop. How could
you treat him like that?
You're supposed
to be his friend.
I am his friend.
I told him the truth.
(sighs loudly)
What was that?
That's Felix.
I'll take care of it.
(sighing loudly)
That's your solution?
Unbelievable.
Your friend is in pain,
and all you can think about
is scoring with a pretty girl.
Really? You think you're
pretty? I don't see it.
And you're wrong about me.
I do care about him.
In fact, I have something
planned for him for later.
It's gonna be
really exciting.
Well, he doesn't seem
so excited.
Well, he doesn't
know about it yet.
So it's like
a surprise birthday party?
Yes, like a surprise
birthday party!
That's so nice.
So what do you
think of me now?
FELIX:
I'll tell you what I think
of you, Oscar Madison.
I think you are the best friend
a fella's ever had. Come here!
(grunts)
And don't worry, I will do
my best to look surprised.
Is this a friend or what?
Oscar, I thought
you were this gruff guy,
but when I see
how protective you are of Felix,
it's kind of sweet.
So how about that drink?
Well, I would really love to,
but I just remembered
there's a few last-minute things
I need to take care of
for tonight.
I mean, all the big stuff's done
'cause I planned this,
like, way in advance.
But I do need to pop
into that party store,
the one on, uh...
71st Street?
Yes. Good.
And it has that
obscure cross street...
Broadway?
Yes, that's the one.
So I'll go there, and why don't
you go upstairs to sleep off
some of that jet lag,
and I'll meet you here tonight.
I thought you said
sleeping was bad for jet lag.
You know I'm not really
a doctor, right?
What's going on?
All I could hear
on the phone was
"emergency."
All I heard was
"life or death."
"Doughnuts."
Look, it's Felix's birthday,
and it kind of got past me,
and I need you guys to help me
put together a party
for tonight.
This is your
life-or-death emergency?
I figured you got shot
by a jealous husband
or a... an angry athlete
or your ex-wife.
Damn, a lot
of people hate you.
I'm getting
a sinking feeling
about the doughnuts.
Oscar, you... you know
this is my day off, right?
Yes, but I didn't call you
as my assistant;
I called you as my friend.
No, Roy's your friend.
I'm getting
time and a half.
Come on, guys, this is Felix,
and he needs us.
And it's just
a few small things.
What do you need?
Food and drinks.
Also ice, cake, decorations,
gifts, music and guests.
So you've done everything
except all of it.
All right,
I'll take care
of ice and guests.
Oh, and I need you guys
to be the guests.
Guests.
All right, what the hell?
My daughter's having
a sleepover tonight,
so I'm happy
to get out of the house.
Where's Felix now?
Oh, he'll be gone
the whole rest of the day.
I sent him
to the Container Store.
It's his happy place.
He always says
the only thing
that they can't contain
is his enthusiasm
for the Container Store.
(phone rings)
Here you go,
Time and a Half.
Oscar Madison's office.
It's someone about the party.
Yeah, I've been calling people
from a list of his contacts.
Hi. Hello.
Yes, I didn't get your RSVP
for Felix Unger's
birthday party.
Really? Damn post office!
No, you don't have to worry
about bringing a gift.
Although, if it's on your way,
I could use 50 pounds of ice.
Great.
Ice.
(violin playing)
Okay, we got guests,
food, music.
Isn't that the weird guy that
plays on the subway for change?
Go away, Roy.
And Teddy's coming by
later with the cake.
Am I forgetting anything?
Uh, let's see. To reimburse me
for all the stuff I bought.
To tell me I look nice
for the party.
To show some appreciation
for me working on my day off.
I don't have a lot
of time. Pick one.
(doorbell rings)
Tell me I look pretty.
Well, you do.
You look beautiful.
Boy, you better stop playing
with me.
Hey, Emily, where's your sister?
Until I was ten, I thought
"Where's your sister?"
was my last name.
Ooh, that must have been rough.
So, you know, where is she?
Casey's still getting ready,
but it shouldn't take long.
She just holds her arms out
and the birds dress her.
Nice vacuum. Here,
let me go in on that with you.
Here's 20 bucks.
It cost $300.
Well, write my name small.
Here's your cake.
Sorry I can't stay.
The hell you can't.
Hey, watch
your language.
My wife reminded me that I
promised to host the sleepover.
I'm not sure I did, but...
is this the hill
I want to die on?
Well, bring them in here.
I need bodies to
fill out the room.
But we're supposed to play games
and tell stories
and have a tea party.
You can do all that in here.
This is the perfect place
to have a princess party.
Is it okay to mix rum and
antianxiety medication?
Welcome to the enchanted
castle, miladies.
Milady.
Yeah.
Hey, sweetie,
you remember Mr. Madison.
He talks about sports
on the radio.
Daddy's
favorite client.
Oh, yeah. You take ten percent,
and he does all the work.
(Teddy chuckles)
Oh, honey, that's
an at-home joke.
(jangling)
Ooh, ooh. It's Felix.
FELIX:
Oh, what a long,
disappointing day!
No friends around
to cheer me up. Oh, well!
I guess I'll just spend
a quiet night alone
drinking tea.
Just boil up some wa...
wa... What?!
ALL:
Surprise!
Happy birthday, buddy.
Oh,
Oscar, thank you.
This is exactly what I needed
to keep my mind off of Ashley:
being surrounded
by my closest...
my close...
my... I don't think
I know some of these people.
What are you
talking about?
There's your friend Ken and
your old neighbors the Fishers,
who were kind
enough to bring ice.
And there's your
favorite waitress
from Santino's Deli,
who looks a lot different
when she's not wearing
her name tag.
Maureen.
Maureen. Yes. Maureen.
Happy Birthday, Gluten-free.
Thanks for coming,
Maureen.
You got it, Extra Bacon.
And I have a
surprise for you.
I'm sure you'll recognize
eight-time NBA All-Star
Dwight Howard.
Hi, Felix. I'm eight-time
NBA All-Star Dwight Howard,
and I want to wish you
a happy birthday.
I hope it's a real slam dunk.
Uh... thank you?
Now, now,
Dwight, let's not
hog the birthday boy.
Roy, fix this man a drink.
Oscar, you know I get paid
for appearances like this?
Hey, you lost a bet, man.
That's what happens
when you question
my Beyoncé knowledge.
(grunts)
Oh, did you just run out
and get this today?
Oh, no, I bought it a month ago
after I searched public records
and found out when
Felix's birthday was.
Mmm, sounds like somebody's
got a little crush.
They're public records.
Anyone can look.
Anyone with a crush.
Hey. Hey, sorry I'm late.
There she is,
the guest of honor.
After Felix.
Of course,
after Felix.
Wow, it looks great.
Now, now.
Tonight's not about me.
It's about my buddy Felix
and how he was
pulled back from the abyss...
by me.
Speaking of which.
Happy birthday, Felix.
Thank you. Oscar,
I was just having
an odd conversation
with a man called Milos.
Oh, you know Milos.
He's our FedEx guy.
Loves Felix.
Okay, well, he told me
he was delivering a package
this afternoon
and you invited him.
Yes,
invited him to RSVP to something
that I sent him a month ago.
Look, I know
he's your friend, Felix,
but next year,
I don't want him here.
Come on.
Do you like it,
Daddy?
Ooh, I love it.
I look so beautiful. Mm.
Doesn't he look
like a pretty princess?
Well, Roy? Don't I look
like a pretty princess?
Yes?
Damn right. Keep walking.
(violin playing)
He is very good.
Where have I seen him play?
He looks like the guy
who plays in the subway.
All right, gifts,
everybody, gifts.
Everybody gather
around the birthday boy.
Uh, Oscar, shouldn't we do
the singing and cake first?
We can do that
on your birthday, Roy.
Oh. You know, I didn't
want to say anything,
you know, 'cause Felix
is in kind of a bad place,
but coincidentally,
today is also my b...
Here we go.
Hooray!
Wow, you guys
did not have to do this.
Whoa, is this
what I think it is?
It is.
It's from Casey and me.
And me, but you'll see that
when you read the card.
Wow. An actual Verschlagen.
What is it, like
a fancy vacuum?
Are you kidding me?
The Verschlagen
makes the Wolfmarten
look like a Steinlutz.
Wow,
these are not available in
America. How did you get this?
Oh, it was nothing. I searched
online and I found a guy
in Stuttgart who was
willing to make a trade.
Once a month,
I just have to send him
a picture of Casey's bare feet.
Wait, what?
Don't worry, I'll just do it
when you're sleeping.
Well, thank you.
We should take it
for a test drive.
Open mine.
Whoa.
Oh, I see holes in the lid.
Mm-hmm.
No, it can't be. I...
(gasps)
Whoa. Oh.
Aw.
Adorable.
Right? She's so cheerful
and happy, and I thought
you could use some company.
That is so thoughtful of you.
You know, this bird
is actually quite symbolic.
(bird tweets)
Look at her,
singing her happy song,
even as she starts a new
life in a strange place.
Maybe I, too, should be
looking forward to the future
with optimism and hope.
In fact, that will be your name.
Aw. (chuckles)
Hope.
Sorry.
Um, hey, Oscar,
it's a great party, but my
flight leaves
in eight hours, so...
No, no, don't leave.
I was thinking maybe we could go
to my place and have that drink.
Leave, leave.
Why are we standing here?
Wow, Maureen,
that is a lot of half and half.
Label says they're expired,
but don't worry--
they always build in
some wiggle room.
I will cherish these until...
last September.
♪ Good night, ladies ♪
♪ Good night, ladies ♪
♪ Good night, ladies ♪
What's happening?
What am I watching?
♪ We're going to
leave you now. ♪
Jim. (laughs)
Jim and I were in a singing
group together in college.
That doesn't make it okay.
Great to see you, Jim.
You look great.
Where's Ashley?
Oh, um...
No, we're, uh...
You split up?
But you were so happy.
We were, yes.
I'm shocked.
We all thought you were
the perfect couple.
I thought so, too.
♪ The sun'll come out ♪
♪ To... ♪
Great to see you, Jim.
I got the Verschlagen working.
(bird shrieking)
(Felix screaming)
Oh, God! Make it stop...
Rever... Reverse
the flow.
Reverse it.
Make it stop.
I don't know how. I can't.
Oh...
I'm so sorry, Felix, it...
it looks like Hope is gone.
For a brief moment,
you had Hope,
but no more.
When you find your soul mate,
it's like this radar
that goes,
"Ping, that's the one.
Ping, that's the one."
But the question is,
when she leaves,
how do you stop pinging?
Because that...
that is the torture.
You're making Buddy sad.
Sorry, Buddy.
I guess what I'm saying, girls,
is life is not
like a princess movie.
Sometimes the princess leaves.
Why?
Oh. Good luck getting
a straight answer.
No, it could be
a million things.
Could be the way
that he re-cleans the castle
after she spent
the whole day on it.
Maybe it's his insistence
on the proper usage
of the word "whom."
A prince doesn't
let a princess get away.
Even if she hates him.
He always comes back.
Even if it takes 100 years.
Oh, God... Oh, God,
I'm sorry about the mess.
I hate to clean.
Marry me.
Whoa,
I didn't realize
it had gotten so late.
My plane leaves in seven hours.
Seven hours, huh?
Usually I'd insist
on stretching first,
but since we're in a race
against the clock, I'll just
have you sign a release.
Do you have a pen?
Casey, I'm looking for Oscar.
He's not here.
Felix disappeared
from the party,
and he seemed really depressed.
He's not answering his phone.
I mean, what if he's out
wandering the streets?
Well, you've got a Verschlagen.
Just suck him back up.
Oscar.
(sighs)
Did he just leave?
Did he talk to anybody?
Last time I saw him, he was
talking to the princesses.
They were having tea
and talking about true love
and happy endings.
I think I know
where he went.
Well, where? I'll go get him.
No, I'll go.
Oscar, why don't we let
Emily go get him?
No, I should go.
He needs a friend right now.
I'm going.
Here I go.
I can't move.
My body's at war
with itself.
No, this feels wrong.
He's been doing that
nearly an hour.
Just around...
...and around.
Guess I should tell him
we're closing soon.
Just give me one second
with him. It's his birthday.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
No one allowed past that
line without skates.
Felix.
Oscar. What are you doing here?
I came to bring you
back to the party.
Everybody's
worried about you.
I'm not leaving till they close.
I don't think she's
coming back, man.
How do you know?
Maybe she had a change of heart
or she got stuck in traffic
or a million other things.
I know this is really hard,
but you got to let it go.
Do you think that she at least
thought about it?
Do you think that she
looked at the date
and was tempted
to see if I was here?
Of course she thought...
I've fallen.
Just give me one second.
Okay, okay, sure.
You know, this is probably a
really hard day for Ashley, too.
Did you ever
think of that?
No.
Look, I don't know what's
going on over there,
but I can guarantee
you one thing:
she didn't forget you.
Felix Unger is many things,
but he's not forgettable.
Thank you, Oscar.
You are a good friend.
No, I'm not.
Why not?
I completely forgot about
your birthday, and I just
threw the whole party
together at the last minute.
Yes, yes, I kind of
figured that out.
Really? How?
Well, the guest list
gave it away.
Also, I caught
the violinist using my shower.
Ah.
Still, you are a good friend.
Aw, how can you say that?
Because you showed up.
Oh. We should go.
Ooh, that knee
does not look good.
You know what? I have a first
aid kit back at the apartment.
You know, when you
say it that way,
it does sound
like a sexual ploy.
So, you going over to Casey's?
No, it's past midnight.
I think I blew it.
(phone dings)
That you?
Yes.
Oh.
"Hope you had a good birthday."
Ashley?
Yeah.
Oh, that's great, buddy.
I'm glad. You deserve it.
(phone dings)
That's you.
"This is what
I'm wearing right now."
Yikes.
Casey?
Maureen the waitress,
wearing only her name tag.
Yikes.
Well, this phone's ruined.
Happy birthday, buddy.
That's a funny place
for a name tag.
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