The O.C. (2003–2007): Season 1, Episode 22 - The L.A. - full transcript

Previously on The O.C.:

ANNOUNCER:
Previously on The Valley...

WOMAN:
Stay in Tarzana...

Previously on The Valley...

MAN:
I feel I don't fit here in Tarzana.

You owe it to yourself.
Get out, get free.

Why do I need to leave?

You're here.
Exactly.

Luke?
Luke just came by to de-frag my hard drive.

You look so hot.

JIMMY:
Now, forgive me.



This can't possibly
be happening, right?

I mean, I'm-I'm crazy.

I have this whole life
to figure out, and so does Ryan.

Take care of him.

I'll see you.

SETH:
So... then did you take your watch off

during the deed,
or... when exactly?

Want to wait in the car?
I can pick those up.

That's cool, few more questions.
I don't understand.

Did you take it off during foreplay?
Was it before foreplay?

That would seem presumptuous

No, seriously. You can stay in
there... radio on, windows up...

I like to leave it
know how I'm doing,

if I'm beating my old time.
(groans)



It's sort of a sex marathon,

not a sex sprint.
Excuse me? Hi.

I'm the guy
that called earlier

about the watch
that was left here.

Uh, room 204, right?

Yeah, such a nice girl
was staying in there.

Beautiful, too, huh?

Your girlfriend?

Okay, that's a little awkward.

No. No, she's not,
but thank you.

Girl like that--
you would be a lucky guy...

Okay, thank you
for your time.

Or his time--
the timepiece.

Thanks, thanks a lot.

One day, we're going to look back
and we're just going to laugh.

and we're gonna laugh some more.
We're gonna have a good laugh.

Not at my joke.
You know, the situation.

I'm fine, really.
I mean, Theresa's back with Eddie.

Where she'd be, right?

Yes! Absolutely.
Listen, man,

This is a good time for you.
Okay, Ryan?

This is clean-slate Ryan.
Finally, you have no women to protect

from violent, goateed factory workers
or pill-popping manic-depressives.

I guess you're right.
I do have a clean slate.

You do!
Yeah.

Dude, since day one
of you getting here,

it's been nothing but
lady drama with you.

Marissa, Theresa,
Luke, Oliver, Eddie.

I'm getting exhausted just
thinking about it.

I'm kind of tired.

You should be, but you know what?
You're gonna get a break,

'cause you deserve it.

I think I'm going
to declare this month

"Angst-Free Ryan Month."

Month? Think this'll last all month?
"Angst-Free Ryan Week."

With an option for an additional
week if you like it.

Oh. Okay.
Thanks, buddy.

Right on.

Hey, what's Luke doing here?

Did you tell him
about your watch?

No, why would I?

* Wild women, wild women

* Wild women...

* Uh-huh, huh!

It didn't even last the night.

(piano and acoustic guitar
strumming gentle melody)

S01E22
The L.A.

* California, here we come

* Right back where
we started from *

* California

* California...

* Here in Cal...

* California

* California

* Here we come.

I can't believe
they were at a motel.

It's just...

It's so cheap,
it's so tawdry.

Yeah, that's the real moral
of the story here.

You know, we're going to see Luke
at school today, right?

How could he do it?

Well, I mean,
I get how he could do it.

It's Mrs. Cooper, but...

What about her?
It's her daughter's ex-boyfriend.

If Marissa found out...
No, she cannot find out.

She doesn't handle
the bad news well at all.

So, it's got to end, before she finds out.
I agree.

Maybe you should sort of
take the reins on this one.

I would, but I feel like
it's more your speed.

Uh, Sandy,
Jimmy's here.

Whoa! Hot, hot, hot.

Hey!
How are you, Jimmy?

We're screwed.
Good!

Nothing like a little
optimism in the morning.

I'm serious.

Opening day is right around the corner.
We got no contractor, no designer...

When was the last time
you looked at the books?

I don't. That's your job.

Well, we've basically
blown through our entire budget.

Well, you're really not so good at
managing the money, are you, Coop?

No, I'm really not.

Wow.
How did that happen?

Construction, labor, permits.

Oh, wow!

It's a letter from Hailey.

She's an aerobics instructor
at Club Med in Turks and Caicos.

Turks and Caicos.

Wow.

Unbelievable.

That is unbelievable.

Hailey got a job.

So, um,
I'm going to spend the weekend

interviewing designers--

not that we can afford
any of them.

Julie's going to take Marissa,
so I can work.

I better get to work,

so I can make some money
that we can lose.

Oy.

Uh, so, you want a
designer on the cheap.

How cheap? Like free?

Free is cheap.

Julie.

No.

No way!

She's good.

Yeah, at-at manipulating others

and backstabbing, pot-stirring,

and generally creating an atmosphere
of hate and distrust.

She did a hell of a job
on the Newport Group offices.

They were elegant
and-and tasteful.

It was shocking, really.

This restaurant is supposed
to be my oasis, my happy place.

A place to...

rebuild after Julie, not...

She's not doing
to the Lighthouse

what she did to my marriage.

Well, free is cheap, Jimmy.

I mean, what choice do we have?

SUMMER:
You asked me, Coop, and I think it's best.

You need some time off.

Ever since I've known you,
you've had a boyfriend.

You're right.

You need to be independent,

or how else are you going
to find a new guy?

You can't be with someone
until you can be by yourself.

I can be by myself.

I mean still hanging with me.

Okay, good.
Thank God!

What's going on here?

...we'll bring in
some reflectors.

Our ol' boy Grady had
a late night last night, you know?

Well, I don't know. I guess
they're filming something.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, Coop!

What? What?

That's Grady Bridges.

Who's Grady Bridges?

Jake Needleman?
The Valley!

He is so cute.

Really? You think?

Yeah, not in your traditional
kind of way, but he's hilarious!

He's so funny.

I hear he, like,
improvises all of his scenes.

Let's go say hi.
Well, I...

Be cool, okay?

Hey, Grady, we're your biggest fans!

The Valley is my favorite show.

Thank you, I'm glad you like it.

Oh, I love it.

Obsessed, addicted.

MARISSA:
So, um,

what are you guys doing here?

Well, we are on
what they call, uh, location.

Which basically means
that we're shooting a scene...

My character starts dating
this girl from Newport...

No, you'll ruin it!

Okay! Okay.
Geez, are you

as obsessed as she is?

Oh... Oh, actually,
I've never seen your show...

Coop!
What?!

(laughs)

See, now that's funny.

Oh, that's funny!

That was funny.

She's a funny girl.

Maybe they're not having sex.

Maybe they just go to a motel
to spoon and watch Charlie Rose.

You're right.
That's probably it.

Oh, my God,
you guys!

We have the craziest news ever.

I mean, nothing you could
tell us could top this.

We met Grady Bridges.

Star of The Valley--
the best show ever!

Okay. Anyways, he invited us

to his birthday party
tomorrow night.

The star
of a hit TV show invited you

to his cool Hollywood
birthday party?

That is awesome.

There's no need
for jealousy, Cohen.

SUMMER:
I could never date an actor.

Really?
Yes!

I got us a couple of plus-ones.
Great.

I have to go show everybody the
pictures of me and Grady.

Thank God I had
my camera phone.

They are the autograph
of the 21st century.

Photos, Summer?
I would like to see these photos.

Why don't we share them?

So, how's Theresa?

Uh... she's good.
She's back with Eddie.

Have you talked to
her since she left?

Yeah, we have, but we, uh...

We're taking some time apart.
It was the best thing, I guess.

Yeah.

(bell rings)

Oh. We should go.

Yeah.

Good light.

Exposed brick.

It's a bit '80s,
but these trends are cyclical.

South-facing windows.

Hmm, these floors
could be sanded,

and the beams
are rather oppressive.

Well, some white enamel
could lighten it right up.

Hmm.

I'll do it.

Now, you know,
we can't pay you.

Well, you know, everybody
has to start somewhere.

And the value it'll add
to my portfolio alone will be worth it.

It'll be my calling card.

And we should get started right away.

Well, you will have to pay for the floors,
the linens, the silverware.

Unless you want your patrons
eating with their hands,

like Jimmy does.
Whoa, happy place.

Happy place,
happy place...

How much, Julie?

What do you think, Kirsten,
low six?

What?! We don't have that kind of
money! What are you...

What are you, skimming off the top?

No, sweetie, that was you.
Oh, my-my oasis

is-is is
being violated.

My happy place is very unhappy right now...

Now, calm down, Jimbo.

Just breathe.
I could pitch in.

No! No, please.

I appreciate it, I do, but don't.

I mean... separation
of church and state.

This is my thing.

So, what are
you saying?

That, uh, this is
your happy place?

No.

Caleb could help.

No. This is my happy place. It's my
oasis from the rich and insufferable.

It would be a good investment for him.

And the best thing that
could happen to you two.

No, it would be the wor...
No.

Kirsten, please,
back me up.

He could be a silent partner.

A silent assassin.
He would ruin everything.

He'll... He'll... want goulash on the menu.

I don't think
we have any choice.

We can't raise that kind
of cash in time.

Oh.

Hey, man.
What's up?

Nothing.

So, did you have sex
with Julie Cooper today?

Wha-what?

I saw you at the motel.

What are you thinking, man?

Marissa's mom?

I know, I know.
I know what it...

what that must
have looked like

or-or seemed like,
but it's not like that.

We've got a connection.

Yeah, not anymore,
you don't.

If Marissa finds out...

She won't.

Just like she didn't find out
about you in Tijuana?

It's a small town.

People find out,
and then they talk.

It's only a matter of time.

(sighs)

I've never felt this
way about a girl--

woman-- before.

Yeah. I don't care.

Tomorrow, Marissa's
going to L.A.

You? You're going
to Julie's.

It's going to end.

Got it?

It's gonna end.

GRADY (on TV):
...complete lack of culture.

Oh! Let me guess...

Hey, man. What
are you doing?

Shh.
Watching The Valley.

I picked up
the first season on DVD.

Oh, yeah?
So, I talked to Luke.

the end of the episode,
please?

Is that Grady?

Yeah.

He's kind of like you.

What,
handsome and charming?

Geeky and sarcastic.

GRADY: ...watch my lips-- maybe a
consonant, sometimes a vowel...

Oh, God, he is like me.

He is like me,
except with his own TV show.

I was kidding.
He's just a character.

He's probably not like you at all.
No, no, no. He improvises all his lines.

That's totally him,
and he's totally me.

Except on a prime-time soap.
And Ryan, if you could've the real me

or you could've the TV me, which one?
You'd totally take the TV me.

We're not going to L.A.
'cause I'm going to lose Summer

to the real-life TV Seth Cohen.
No.

We're going to L.A.
We're taking the girls.

Luke's breaking up with Julie
while we're gone.

You took care of it?

Yeah.
That's good.

I told you you'd be back
to angst-free Ryan in no time.

Yeah.
( doorbell rings )

I'll get it.

Hey.

Can we talk?

Uh, sure.

So, I'm not
going to L.A.

What? Why?

You know how you said
sometimes time apart

is the best thing?

Well, I think time apart
might be the best thing,

for us.

You do?

Since you showed up,

it's been...
pretty intense.

Good and bad, but intense.

And I don't know, maybe we just
need to be away from each other.

Independent.

For a little while.

And you want to start
this independent thing today?

( clears throat )

We both have
clean slates.

This is a good time for
us to be by ourselves.

So you go to L.A.,

and I'm going to spend
some time with my mom.

See ya.

So, that was it?

That's your big plan
you'd to sleep on?

If I don't go, Marissa will.

Fine, except you're going. You don't even
know if your parents're gonna let us go.

I'm gonna handle it.
You're gonna lie?

No, that was the old me.
I have evolved and now I'm a man of honor.

I need you to talk to them.
It's kinda more your specialty.

It seems you're making a lot of
things my specialty.

Great leadership
is all about delegation.

So, now I'm your employee?
No, we're partners.

What do you do?

I'm working on
the business plan, okay?

And that's going to be awesome.

I just need you to convince
my parents, convince Marissa,

and I'm going
to supervise.

God, it's so easy!

I should go into business
for myself.

SETH:
Oh, we crane up, through the bushes...

That's perfect.

I'm sorry, Ryan,
is it just me

or do my parents get
better looking every day?

Ah, here we go.

SETH: What?
Mm-hmm. Uh-huh.

What do you want, Seth?

Mom, can't a child just admire
the beauty of his parents

in the morning light?

You don't look
a day over perfection.

Also, there's a party
in Hollywood tonight.

Hell, no.
Why?

I don't have to tell you why.
I'm just telling you no.

Come on. Do you see what you're doing?
I do.

I came here
to tell you the truth

and establish a bond of trust.
I could've lied.

I could've said that I was going
to Comicon or an IMAX movie.

All these little devices
at my fingertips.

I knew that you never went
to the IMAX movie.

Tag. You're tagged in.

It's just a birthday party.
We'll be home by midnight.

No drinking, no drugs,
no fighting. See?

Alright, now that
we've covered the obvious,

whose birthday?

Grady Bridges.

The guy from The Valley?

Yes.
I love him.

He's so cute.

And you guys, he can get
any girl in the world he wants,

and right now he
wants Summer, okay?

I have to go.

Please. I have to go.

You call when you get there
and you're home by 11:30.

Don't spend an extra
minute in L.A.

The town will steal
your soul.

Right now it's about
to steal my girlfriend.

I'm the only thing that stands between
Summer and a development deal, thank you.

Can you get his autograph?

Your cell phone
takes pictures, right?

Now all you've to do
is convince Marissa.

You're gonna make me
do that alone, too?

We're business partners, okay?
We serve different functions.

I'm the brains,
you're the brawn.

I'm in the ivory tower, you're down
there on the streets making it happen.

Hey.

Call you back.

So, when I said we needed
to spend some time apart,

I meant more than
a couple hours.

I know.

What... what's that?

Oh, Luke's puka shells.

I just found them.

Blast from the past, huh?

Uh-huh. Okay, here's the thing.

Uh, not going to L.A.
'cause I'm not going,

that's not independent.

To be really independent

we both need to go to L.A.
independently,

but together
at the same time.

Okay, you're starting
to sound like Seth.

I know, it rubs off.
Look, I got to go.

Seth, unsupervised
in a big city...?

Okay, no, I get that.
Okay.

I don't want you to miss out
'cause of me.

And, you know,

we haven't had fun
in a long time.

This is going to be fun.

Usually you don't think
anything is fun.

It's always me
talking you into going.

People change.

We're going to be living
in the same town

for a while, right?

You know,
going to the same school.

And we're friends.
Yeah, so, you know,

we're going to have to do things
independently but-but together.

You're right.

So, you really want me to go?

It's not about what I want.

It's about what you need.

( laughs ):
Okay.

Maybe just a little.

Alright,
let me just go get ready.

Alright, cool.

So, you need me,
eh, Sanford?

Oh, here we go.

Dad.

Look, you did me a favor.

Now it's my turn
to do one for you.

Don't do me any favors.

Let's-let's hear
him out, okay?

CALEB:
Your chef, what's he done?

Nothing really.

TV dinners mostly.

He's terrible.

Look, I know
when I'm not wanted.

And yet,
you're always at our house.

Marco was a sous-chef
at Aubergines.

He's fantastic.

Aubergines? That's a good spot.

He could prepare
some meals for you,

like, tonight.
Good thinking.

No, I can't, I'm busy.
I'm having a business dinner

with the Board
of the Philharmonic.

Doesn't that include
the editor-in-chief

of Riviera magazine,

the owner of the Daily Pilot,
owner of the Mighty Ducks?

Yeah, some of them
used to be Jimmy's clients,

before, well, you know.

Point being there, Julie?

They're the tastemakers
of Newport Beach, James.

Why don't you have Marco
cook for all of them?

You can't buy free
publicity like that.

If you're gonna have
a restaurant,

you've got to cook
for a lot of people.

"You gonna've a restaurant,
you gotta cook for

a lot of people."

That's our mission statement.

Sandy, we need the money
and the press.

I know.
Good idea, Jules.

Except for the fact
that we just gutted the place.

There's dust all over.
There's no furniture.

You can do it at our house.
We've the place to ourselves.

The kids are on their way to
L.A. It's perfect.

( Seth sighs )

Oh, my God.

We haven't moved in...

it's been forever now.

How do people live like this?
How do you do it?

I don't know.
It's times like these,

I wish we'd
a Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

I always wish we'd
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

It's a fine car.

You know, my mom's
never home anymore.

She's always sending
Caitlin to my grandma's.

You know what
it sounds like to me?

Speaking as a child
of divorce.

You think she's
having an affair.

When my mom started blowing me off,
it was because she started...

Oh, it's a flying car!

No, that's my bad.
Actually, that's a plane.

She's probably just
working a lot, you know?

Professional woman.
Yeah, busy.

Or getting busy.

Who you guys think is
gonna be there?

SUMMER:
I hope Orlando Bloom.

Legolas is so hot.

SETH:
Right on.

I'm hoping for a little
Natalie Portman,

Keira Knightley, maybe
Kate Bosworth myself. Ow!

What?!

It's okay for you to
pine over Legolas?

Yeah, he's an elf, okay?
He saved Middle-earth.

That is a huge part
of European history.

Don't worry about it.
Tonight's going to be fun.

( quietly ):
Luke better get it done.

Well, see you soonishly.

What about that date, JuJu?

Let's just see
how tonight goes, Caleb.

I want you focused.

Bye.

Hey! Hey!

We need to talk!
Luke!

What if Caleb saw you?

What are you doing with him?

Shouldn't he be washing
his dentures or something?

Are you guys
back together?

Don't start.

You were just using me

until grandpa came back?

Okay, I don't have
a lot of time.

Okay, but...
but we'll talk after?

Yeah, yeah. Come on.

( heavy rock music blaring )

Why wouldn't they let
that heavyset girl in?

That was a guy.

Hey, girls.
Hey, what's up?

I'm glad you made it.

I want to introduce you to some people.
Okay.

Come on.
Okay, wait.

How's that guy
play high school?

Hollywood, man.

I thought it was a cliché--

young Hollywood
doing coke with strippers.

You know, I didn't think
they ate bread anymore.

Let me borrow your phone.

Hey, boys, I want you
to meet some people.

This is Summer, Marissa
and some guy.

Are they on the show?

No. No, this is Team Grady,
right?

This is my agent.

This is my manager,

this is my lawyer,
this is my publicist,

and then this...
this is my producing partner.

You have a
producing partner?

Yeah, yeah, we actually...

we control
several properties, man.

We just got the rights
to The Golden Girls.

Oh, my God, no way!

We're going
to make it into a movie.

But we're going
to make the Golden Girls,

you know, young and hot.

Oh.

RYAN:
Luke, it's me.

I'm just calling to make sure
you took care of it.

Take care of it.

Hey.
Hey.

So, do you want
to meet the cast?

Not really, you?

Yeah, not really.

Excuse me.

Whoa.

Oh, my God.

What is with you?
Ow. What?

Relax.

All you L.A. chicks are so lame.

We're not from L.A.
We're from Orange County.

Orange County? Ew.

( Summer gasps )

Glad to see we're not the ones
fighting for a change.

Yeah, I'm glad to see we're
not one of those couples.

Or any kind of couple.

Right,
this is definitely better.

Yep.

WOMAN:
Having fun yet?

Hailey?
Ryan?

What are you, uh...?

What are you...?

Hailey, keep it movin'.

Couples pay extra.

Got to go.

Wait, is that...?

Kirsten's sister Hailey.

Does Kirsten know she's here?

I-I doubt it.
This is Kirsten's worst nightmare.

All she does is worry about Hailey.
Come on.

I'm late. I thought we're only
going to do it once.

Can we talk now,
because I really need...

Can't now, hon. Got to go
be with the adults.

I'll talk to you later.

Newport used to be
a glamorous town,

an escape for
Hollywood stars

like John Wayne, Robert Mitchum.

The Lighthouse
could be our chance

to bring those
people back.

Now, wait a minute, Cal,
I don't think

even the Lighthouse
can bring back the Duke.

( laughter )

What I mean is we think
the Lighthouse is step one

in the renaissance of Newport
for destination dining,

a magnet for glitz
and glamour and...

well, cash.

( laughter )

Look, Jimmy and I view
the Lighthouse as a chance

to restore the restaurant
to its former glory, you know?

It-it's just something
from Newport for Newport.

We think it can be
a bit of both,

an icon of the past,

a beacon for the future.

A bridge from the past
to the present,

from Newport to...
the rest of the world.

Hello, everybody.

Hi, Julie.

So sorry I'm late.

I hope I didn't miss
anything.

Hey.
You are glowing.

Well, I am just
so... excited.

( alarm chirps )

( engine starts )

( automated voice ):
You have one new message.

RYAN:
Luke, it's me.

I'm just calling to make sure
you took care of it.

Take care of it.

( sighs )

Hey.

Are you happy, Coop?

Are these the kind
of people we want,

because these're the people
we're going to be stuck with.

I know, it's not
what we wanted exactly.

Mm... no, it's exactly not
what we wanted at all.

Look, we need the money.

Without Caleb,
we've got nothing.

Maybe nothing
is better than this.

that's an easier position to
take if you've another job.

This is all I have.

Hello?

Sandy, hey, it's me.

Ryan? Is everything okay?

Uh, not really.

We-we found Hailey.

What do you mean,
you found Hailey?

Hailey?

Well, she got a job...
as a stripper.

There're strippers
at this party?

Strippers?

God, I never
should've agreed to this.

What do you...
what do you want us to do?

There is nothing you can do.

Hailey is not
your responsibility.

Where-where are they?

Is she okay?

Look, what club are you at?

It's, uh, Luna Chicks.

Luna Chicks?

Well, that's just great.

What are you going to do?

I will deal with Hailey
tomorrow.

Meanwhile, I want
you guys home pronto.

Alright.

What's going on?

They found Hailey...
working as a stripper

at this party.

Is, uh... she okay?

No, of course not, no.
She's Hailey.

Should we do something?
I, uh...

You know
what we should do?

We shouldn't let Hailey ruin
another evening.

We got enough
to contend

and if Kirsten finds out
about this...

I don't know.

You know what?
We'll deal with it

tomorrow.
Everything is going so well.

Everyone seems
really excited.

What the hell's that smell?

What are we
even cooking here?

It's meat loaf.
It's my mother's specialty.

I got the most important people
in the county in there,

the most sophisticated
palates in Newport,

and you're going to offer them Nana
Cohen's meat loaf?

Dad, it's their menu.

The menu if you're lunatics.
Well, this is a disaster.

I've to call Catherine
Zeta Jones' people.

I was trying to get her
for the opening.

Marco, how quickly can you get
down to the Crab Shack

and pick us up some...

Whoa, no, no, Marco, no.
This is our restaurant.

You don't have a restaurant
without me,

and neither
me with meat loaf.

Then, maybe we're better off.

A man's life comes down

to a few decisive moments,
and maybe this-this... meat loaf

is one of 'em.

This restaurant
was-was supposed to be fun,

and if you wanna go ahead
and ruin everything

that this restaurant
is about,

then go ahead, fine.

I don't want any part of it.

Good night. Good luck.

That's why the man is bankrupt.

Do what you like.

Sink the ship...

but make it quick--
I'm starving.

Hey, Marco,

there's a lot riding
on this meat loaf.

Julie, is that a...?

Curling iron burn.

Yeah, um... I'm going
to go check on Cal.

MARISSA:
This place is just too crowded.

Alright, as soon as we find Seth and
Summer, we're out of here.

And Hailey.

I don't know.
It-it's none of my business.

Yeah, it is.
It's your family.

We need to find her
and get out of here.

Alright, uh, you wait here.

If you see Seth, don't let him move,
and I'll just go try to find her.

Not without me.

Come on.

GRADY:
Cheers, cheers...

to me and all of my glory,
and a second season.

Mm.

Hey.

Hi, hi. How's it, uh...
how's it goin'?

I'm so exhausted.
Yeah?

Yeah, been up all night
working on my thesis:

magical realism
in American literature.

Are you familiar with the works
of Thomas Pynchon?

I've only read The
Crying of Lot 49.

Gravity's Rainbow
is his masterpiece.

Don't tell anyone
I'm in grad school.

Okay.

So, I've got

a new episode
that hasn't aired yet.

Do you wanna see it?
No way! You've a new episode?

Yeah, on tape. Yeah?

Well... yeah!

Alright, let's go.
Hold on, I just have to...

Oh, yeah, no, I-I'm not foreign
or anything.

( clears throat )

Um... yeah,
that's, uh...

Cameraphone.

It's the autograph
of the 21st century.

Yeah, that's what they say,
that's what they say.

Let's go.

Call me sometime.

I will.

There you are.

I thought you'd flown
the coop as well.

Just trying to get
a little peace and quiet.

Wax philosophical about
why your partner up and quit.

He hasn't quit.

He went after Hailey.

What are you
talking about?

Hailey's in Club Med.

Well, she's in a club,

but in Hollywood...
working as a stripper.

Ryan just called.
They found her.

Anyway... that's where
my partner went...

and that's why he's my partner.

This is so cool.

You're here... and
here. It's awesome!

Shh, shh, shh!

GRADY ( on TV ):
I'm outta here. Late-tro.

Oh, my God!
I bet that was improvised.

Listen, I'm really glad
that you came to my...

No, wait, shh.
I want to watch.

Why? I'm-I'm not
in this scene.

It's just so good.

I wish I was from the Valley.

Hey, where's Summer?

I don't know,
off with Grady somewhere.

I talk about Pynchon for,
like, two seconds, suddenly, she's gone.

Yeah, well, I got
something else for you.

You've a clean slate now, okay,
so if I was you,

I'd procure a little
private dance time with, uh...

Oh, my God, that's Hailey.
Yeah, yeah, that's- that's what I...

Hey, hey.

What the hell
are you doing?

I thought you're
an aerobics instructor

in the Caribbean
or something.

Well, I figured if I told the truth,
it wouldn't go over so well.

My mom's going to freak
when she finds out.

So, don't tell her,
not that she'd care.

I'm shure she would if she knew.

What's wrong?
I make good money.

What're you talking?

You look terrible.
You work here?

Let me just grab my girlfriend,
and we'll go.

Get up there. What're you tired today?
Didn't do enough coke?

Take it easy, man.

Just get back to work.

Don't tell her what
to do, alright?

Excuse me? You got a problem?

Yeah, I do!
No, he doesn't.

I'm sorry. We're just going
to grab my girlfriend,

grab my aunt--
more gently than,

and we're leaving.

You're leaving now.
Get out of my club.

Get 'em out of my club.

Out, out, out.

Get 'em out.
Hey, hey.

Good-bye. Nice meeting you.

Good-bye.

I don't want to see these guys
in my club again.

Are we going
to just leave Hailey?

I don't think we have
a choice.

We can't leave
without her.

I can't get ahold
of Summer.

I think we should split up.
Let's scale a wall, find a fire escape,

climb through a window,
the ushe...

I was All-Camp, uh,
Capture the Flag, Camp Takahoe.

I'm very stealth.

That's kind of dewy.
I'm going to go around.

We're going to the VIP entrance.

We're not VIP.

This is Hollywood.

Meet me in a minute.
I have an idea.

WOMAN:
This meat loaf is fantastic.

This is what we had planned.

Back to basics,
comfort food.

What's old
is new again.

I couldn't have said that better myself,

even though
I already did.

So glad that you like it.

I'm going to get more wine.
Anyone?

WOMAN:
Oh, terrific.

Excuse me.

JuJu...

bring the wine, dear.

Um, thi-this one's empty.
I'm going to get another.

What the hell
are you doing here?!

We need to talk.
Wait outside my house.

Go hide in the bushes
or something. Go!

Go!

Back to work.

I told you VIPs only.

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!

I love you so much!

You are my favorite character!

Okay, do you
watch The Valley?

No. I have a job.

It's only, like,
the best show ever!

You are... actually
a little shorter

than I imagined,
but still so hot!

Thanks.

You here for the party?

Yeah.

Oh, my God, wait.
Can I come with you?

Seriously, it would mean
so much to me--

it really is my favorite show.

Take advantage, kid.

You're only a
teen idol once.

Thanks, buddy.

Thanks, too!

I can't believe
we're watching dailies.

Okay, but seriously,
which take did you like better,

because I kind of like
the acting

in that one, you know,

Mm-hmm.
but the lighting wasn't as good

as the one before.
Okay, I don't know.

Could we go back to the party?
This is boring.

Well, how 'bout, uh, how 'bout some,
uh, some music, huh?

That'll liven it up.

Little party in here.

Party in my Caddy.

What's this?

Uh, this is, uh,
this is my band.

It's our, uh... it's our first CD.
No kidding.

I like you.

I don't know why,
but you just...

you've got...

I don't know,
you've just got something,

you know?

I'm just... I'm a
big fan of yours.

( Grady's band
playing rock music )

Oh, my God,
what are you doing?!

Wha...?

Cohen!

Summer!
Hi.

Hi. I heard some really,
really awful music,

and I knew it could only be self-indulgent
actors with instruments.

What are you doing?
Leaving.

Grady,

there you are!
April, hi.

Oh, my God.
You're on the show.

You are, like, the best thing
on that show.

What are you doing
with her?

Uh... I, uh, uh...

Wait. You two are dating?

God, don't-don't you think
that's a bad idea?

What if things don't work out,
you guys break up?

Isn't that bad
for the show?

I guess we're
about to find out.

April, Ap... hey, lock up the
car for me, please.

April, wait!

( door shuts )

Hey.

I'm sorry.
Let's go home...

someplace with real people.

Think we'll find that at home--
we live in Newport Beach.

Let's get
out of L.A.

GRADY ( on TV ):
I love her and she loves me...

-Is that a new episode?
-I already saw it.

Grady's probably ad-libbing. Ooh!

What're you gils doing?
You're coming with us.

You know what--
you're sweet

with this save the stripper
campaign, but I'm fine.

You're fine?
Yeah.

Get out of here,
before he sees you.

Not without you.
Look, we came...

What are you doing
here?

RYAN:
Hands off me.

You're gonna
have a problem.

Out. You, too, Hailey.

Good-bye, good-bye.
Good-bye, Hailey.

Oh, what are you going
to do now, big shot?

What you going
to do?

What are you going
to hit a kid?

Dad?

What are you, the dad?

What are you?

A guy who's my age
and still thinks he's 25?

You keep your kids
out of my club.

You all right?
Yeah.

Look, Sandy got
held up, so, uh...

No, it's okay.
Thank you.

Why don't you guys
head back? I'll give Hailey a lift.

Okay, yeah. We'll just
go find Seth and Summer.

All right.
Okay.

Drive safe.

I wish you would've
called first.

I would've
washed my hair.

Are you okay?

I'm fine. I just...

I was supposed to get a job
managing this other bar,

and it fell through,
and I needed

the money and...
It's okay. It's okay.

It's all right.
It doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter.

Do you want to come home?

Yeah.

And could we've parked
any further away?

At least we get to look forward
to a little Saturday night rush hour.

I think we did pretty good in there,
and I told you we make a good team.

I'm the brains,
you're the brawn.

How come
you're the brains?

I'm the one who talked us
into that club.

I'm sorry, I'm the brains.

You can be the beauty.
Yeah, that's exactly right.

You're the beauty, he's the brawn,
I'm the brains. Perfect.

Great, and what am I,
Cohen?

Uh... the boobs?

Uh, the bitch?

Okay, I'll take
the boobs.

Hey... so will I.
Oh...!

CALEB:
Never seen so much meatloaf in my life.

Ah, it was a
beautiful sight.

Hey, where were you?
It went great.

I, uh... have a surprise.

Oh, my God.

Picked her up
from the airport,

fresh from Turks
and Caicos.

It's the best Club Med.

I can't wait to
hear the details.

Thanks, Jimmy...
for bringing her back.

Why don't I draw you
a bath, Hail?

Well, we should
wrap this up,

do some business.

Ah, and there is my cue.
You boys discuss the money.

Call me when you want
to discuss linens.

Okay, fellas, I'm in.
We'll do it your way.

It's the only way we can do it.

Maybe you guys were right.

At the end of the day,
it's good food

good people coming together.

Tonight was a good start.

Apparently.

Thanks.

Luke, what is so important
that you--

We can't do
this anymore.

Excuse me?

You're breaking up with me?

It was just, um...

It's not a good idea..

...and, uh...it never
could've worked.

You're right.

Well, okay.

Right.

Okay.

Hi, Cal, it's me.

When you're ready for that date,
let me know.

I can't believe they're watching
"The Valley" after all that.

Hey, Summer says
it's addictive.

So, is it okay if I hang out
in here... not watching TV?

Yeah, sure.

So, did you have
fun tonight?

Watching you get kicked out
of a club... twice?

Yeah, actually,
I kind of did.

Yeah? You were pretty
good with the bouncer.

- Impressed?
- Kind of was.

I should be the brains.

No, Seth's the brains.

Well, you're clearly not
the beauty.

Oh, and now someone's the bitch.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Okay.
Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Come on, fight back.

I win.

Yeah, yeah, you win.

I'll be right back.

Hey, Mrs. Cohen,
uh, is-is Ryan around?

Yeah, he's in
the pool house.

( knocking )
Luke.

-Hey, man, okay...
-It's over.

I'm done having sex with Julie Cooper.

Marissa.

I...

You...

Okay, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait.

J-J-Just stop.

Marissa...

That's why
you took me to L.A.?

I didn't want you to find out,
not-not like this.

I-I've got to go.

by paulonline