The New Adventures of Old Christine (2006–2010): Season 3, Episode 8 - Burning Down the House - full transcript
When Barb and Christine find an old joint in the gym's lost and found box, they decide to make a night of it. When they go out to Christine's garage (because Richie breathes the air in the house), Barb remarks on all the paraphernalia from failed projects -- including a chicken coop Christine bought to raise her own eggs. Goaded on by this observation, she goes through with the plan to smoke the joint, which promptly self-destroys when lit. When Richard and his colleague Tom stop by, Christine coerces Tom into going to buy some more pot, and he points out that she actually never finished their date either.
okay,here we go.
Lost and found day.
All items left over 30
days will be disposed of.
All right,let's see
what we won this month.
Blind grab,no peeking.
Oh,a fanny pack.
And for quite a fanny.
Okay,it's my turn.
Oh,I just love this.
This is like christmas without
all the giving and the jesus.
What do we got? A flip-flop.Great.
okay,let's see.
Hello,consumer electronics.
oh,my god! An ipod?
You get an ipod,and I get a flip-flop?
Sorry,I can't hear you.
I'm listening to my ipod.
You got to share that.
Okay,you take the bag.
What is this?
is...?
Is this a marijuana?
I think it is.
Will you look at that.
It's a tiny little thing.
Should we call the police?
Give it to me. I know
how to get rid of it.
I'm going to light it on fire and
inhale the smoke to destroy the evidence.
You are going to smoke reefer?
Yeah. Why not?
It's just like a glass of wine.
Oh,barb,it is not.
When is the last time you ever heard
of somebody getting addicted to wine?
Talk to the guys who
collect your recycling.
Look,I'm a grown woman.
If I want to recreate in the privacy of my
own home,that's exactly what I'm going to do.
Well,I'm a grown woman.
Maybe I'll smoke it with you.
christine,you're not going to smoke it.
You know what? You come
to my house tonight.
Ritchie's at a sleepover.
We'll spark this doobie up.
You know,you've always
talked a big game,
but when it comes right down
to it,nothing's going to happen.
Oh,I'll smoke this thing right now.
Well,not right now,'cause I'm at work,and
I need to be alert when I order my lunch.
Okay,tonight,my crib. We burn.
This is going to be the
worst pot party ever.
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sync:??????
The New Adventures of Old Christine
Season03 Episode08
okay,sweetheart,well,you
have fun at henry'S.
And,lisn,remember,if you need to
be picked up early,you call daddy,
because I'm going to be at home,uh...
baking.
Okay,lovie? Okay,I love you,darling.
Have fun. Bye.
- hello.
- Hello.
I am so excited.
I can't believe we're
actually going to do this.
Okay,I got air
freshener,I got eye drops,
I got cheddar and sour
cream potato chips.
Ooh,I got a dvd of
the royal tennenbaums.
Everybody thought this was
so funny. I didn't get it.
What do you think is going to happen?
We have a very small
amount of marijuana here.
There's probably more thc in one of
matthew's burps than in this thing.
Let me see it.
Richard,you can't just
walk into somebody's house.
It's totally uncool,and
I'm not cool with it.
Why are you talking like that?
Why all the questions?
What are you,a cop?
What are you doing here?
I'm looking for some
blueprints. I think they're here.
Are you a cop?
No,I'm an architect.
I'm,uh,christine.
Yes,I-I know. We've met.
We went on a date.
Oh,yeah,yeah,I know. We went on a date.
Yes,I'm kidding.
Yeah,we had a great time.
I had diarrhea.
Well,i had a great time.
oh,um,have you met my
friend,barb? Barb,this is,um,uh...
that's the guy that I
went out on the date with.
You don't remember my name,do you?
Yeah,of course I remember your name.
I remember we shared a
meal or a movie together.
And then,barbie,it was so funny.
He had diarrhea.
Oh,I would shake your
hand,but I don't want to.
Christine: Richard,get out.
What's going on here?
Nothing's going on here.
I'm just not cool having you around,man.
All right,fonzie,we'll leave.
You lost a good one.
Uh,nice seeing you again,christine.
Yeah,nice to see you,too... you.
Whoa,that was close.
Okay.
Oh,you know what?
We can't do this in here.
Ritchie breathes this air.
Let's go out in the garage,okay?
He never goes in there.
He saw a rake in there once.
He thought it was a
mmy with a machine gun.
Man,two feet tall,and scared of rakes?
Private school is the
right place for him.
Where is it?
Wait a minute. What am I looking for?
Oh,oh,wait...
I'm not shaking your hand,either.
a little bit messy,but there's
an old futon here we can party on.
hey,barb,I need to tell you something.
I've never ud d fore.
You're kidding.
Then where'd you learn
all the hip lingo?
Tv.
Starsky and hutch,mostly.
A little baretta.
You know,they make new shows.
Uh,you know,wait. I-I...
I don't think we should do this.
But you said you wanted to.
No,I know.
But now that we're actually doing
it,I don't think it's the best idea.
I mean,what if somebody finds out?
You know,richard and that
guy were already suspicious.
I knew you weren't going
to go through with it.
You did not.
I was going to go through
with it,but,I mean,look.
There's oily rags all
over the place in here.
It's like a molotov cocktail.
Oh,I have a good idea.
Let's have cocktails.
There's always some excuse.
What? What are you talking about?
What am I talking about? Look.
Here's the kayak we were
going to paddle around baja in.
There's the bikes we were going to
ride across the continental divide on.
The chicken coops so we would never
have to buy another supermarket egg.
Let me ask you something,christine.
Where are you getting your eggs from?
The supermarket.
I thought so.
You know,with the exception of
men,you're all talk,no action.
All right,you want to
do this? Let's do it.
- Good.
- Yeah. Hand me the lighter.
- You're going to cough.
- I'm not going to cough.
give it to me.
I'm starving.
We didn't get anything.
Are you sure,'cause...
my teeth feel weird.
I knew this wasn't going
to happen. I'm going home.
Stop saying that,barb. Come on.
I know,you're right about me,barb.
I never finish anything I start.
I mean,look at this place.
This garage is a monument
to my half-assedness.
God,I am sick of it. I...
I am not going to sit here next to my
unbuilt birdhouses and unopened french tapes
and just say,"je quit."
All right,you stay here.
I'm going to finish this.
We're getting stoned tonight.
Hey,uh,listen,matthew.
I was wondering if
you were,um... holding.
Uh,holding what?
You know.
Do you have any grass?
What? No.
I don't think anyone's
had any grass since 1972.
Are you watching
starsky and hutch again?
Come on,punk,don't waste
my time. Where's your stash?
I-I don't have a
stash. I don't do drugs.
Why do you think I do drugs?
what?
Well,your hair,the robe. Your life.
What do you mean,my life?
You gave me this robe. I like my hair.
All right,I'm sorry,I was wrong.
I just wanted to finish
something I started.
When did you start smoking pot?
I started wanting to this afternoon,but now
it's gone the way of all my other dreams.
Traveling,learning
languages,knitting,juggling,
training f bor aiathlon,raising
llamas,mastering...
breath control so that I can learn
how to play a wind instrument.
Are you sure you're n higignow?
No,but you know what? I will be.
Oh,here it is!
My high school yearbook.
This thing is loaded with stoners.
And yet you still graduated
near the bottom of your class.
Hey,I was street smart.
"Bless this ho".
It's not finished.
I wasn't sure.
be cool. Everyone maintain.
What's going on?
I knew you were up to something.
Richard,what are you doing back here?
I remember where my blueprints were.
Hiya,christine.
pal.
What are you guys doing in here?
Nothing.
No. We always hang out in here.
We're trying to get
stoned. You got any weed?
Barb!
What?
It wasind d a dare that
turned into kind of a dream.
And now it's turned into just
another thing I'm not going to do.
Well,if you're looking for weed,I
wouldn't think you'd have to look very far.
I don't do drugs! Why
does everyone like,assume?
You know,if you're,if you're
really looking for something,
I might know a guy from
my old apartment complex.
Oh,really?
If you want,I can take
you over there right now.
That would be so great.
All right,barb,please,don't
go home. Stay here.
I'll be back in,like,half
an hour. I promise.
All right,if you're not back in a half
hour,I'm taking the salmon jerky machine.
I'm tired of paying so
much for salmon jerky.
Okay,it's a deal.
All right,let's go. Man.
Here we go.
Uh,I'd better go in by myself.
So,how much do you want?
I guess one medium,and
barb and I'll split it.
Do you have any idea what you're doing?
Not a lot.
Then,do you mind my
asking,why are you doing it?
I just want to prove to myself
that I can finish something.
You know,I have all
these things that I start,
and then I find some excuse
and I never finish and I quit.
Kind of like us.
Oh,you do that,too?
No,no,no,I mean,you did that with me.
We never finished our date.
And I thought we were really having fun,you
know,right up until I had to go to the emergency room.
Yeah,I,I did have fun.
Yeah,well,you said we
would reschedule but you,uh,
you never,you know,called me back.
Yeah,well,you know,it was
a weird time for me. I...
there was this guy that
I was interested in.
And then he became
interested in me and...
How's that going?
He lost interest.
- And then you turned to drugs?
- Yeah.
But you know what?
I'm really sorry if I
didn't call you back.
And if I said I would go out with you
again,then I should have done that.
I'm really going to
try to stop doing that.
Well,maybe today is your chance
to finally complete something.
Yeah. It might be.
Really?
Yeah. I'll wait in the
car.Go get the stuff.
- Go.Go get the stuff.
- Okay.All right.All right.
This reminds me of high school.
Sitting around in someone's garage,trying to
make conversation with a stoner on a dirty futon.
I am not a stoner.
My ears stick out,I have
to grow my hair long.
Man,look at all this crap.
Okay.
Who's brave enough to
look in the pet carrier?
A lot of grateful guys
signed her yearbook.
Looks like she's the one thing
the debate team could agree on.
You're talking about
the mother of my child.
She did it right.
Sleeping with everything that
moved before she settled down.
Mother of my child!
Oh,come on,barb. You
must have got around.
Why would you think that?
I-I don't know. The way
you look,and act,and drink.
And your hair seems slutty.
I'll tell you something.
I'm not exactly proud of this,but pete is
the only man that I've gone all the way with.
Nah-uh.
I know for a fact you
were with mikey pines.
I was with him,he wasn't with me.
I'm scared to know what that means.
Come on.
I can't believe this.
What's so hard to believe?
Matthew doesn't do drugs,you're not
easy,christine has llama food in her garage.
What the hell is going on?
I don't want to talk about
this anymore. Too personal.
Yeah. All right,I'm
going to get out of here.
If tom comes back,tell him
I went home to feed my llama.
you can go,too,if you want.
Oh,that's okay. I don't
mind waiting with you.
Hey,let's go through
christine's unfinished memoir,
I'm no hero: The
christine campbell story.
Wh... what's it say?
That's all she's got.
How could she say she's not a hero?
All right,I'm back.
Good news,I managed to
snag my old welcome mat.
Bad news,no marijuana.
What? What happened?
Oh,I guess I just completely
forgot about the welcome mat.
Which is odd,I must have walked over it a
thousand times when I was moving my stuff out.
Dude,where's my drugs?
Oh,well,you know,it turns out he's
not so much a dealer as a lawyer.
Yeah,no,I guess I just
assumed he was a dealer.
I mean,he was always playing loud music,and
he had a kucinich bumper sticker. I mean...
are you kidding me,man?
You drove me all the
way here for nothing?
Sorry. I guess I just wanted
to spend time with you.
This night's a bust.
I've completed exactly nothing,and for
some reason I still have the munchies.
Well,then why don't we go get dinner?
I'm kind of busy.
You devoted an entire night to
finding pot to smoke in your garage.
Well,I know,but,you know,I just feel
sort of,like,going home right now.
Christine,you say you
want to finish something.
All right,we're sitting here
in a car with nothing to do,
and I'm asking you to
let me take you to dinner.
And that's all it is,just one dinner.
It won't take very long.
You don't have to call me tomorrow.
You don't even have to learn my name.
I'm giving you a chance
to finish something.
Finish me,christine.
Finish me.
How long are you waiting for christine?
I don't know,probably all night.
I got nothing else to do.
I gave christine a hard time,but the
truth is,I haven't done anything,either.
At least she has the debate team.
What have I got?
Oh,you got stuff.
I mean,you got that great hair,and,well,
in about seven minutes you're going
to be the proud owner of a fish dryer.
You know,pete and i
split up six months ago,
and I haven't even
gone out on a date yet.
Why haven't you?
Because I'm scared.
I've only been with one man.
I don't know what it's going to be like.
Well,uh,pete was six-five
with a size-14 shoe,
so you might want to start
by lowering your expectations.
I don't know anything.
You know,being with only
one man,I have no context.
You know what I'm saying?
I need context.
I'm sure you won't have
a problem finding context.
Smaller context than you're
used to,maybe,but context.
Yeah... maybe.
Mmm,god...
I love eating in a
car. It's like camping.
Well... you're really good at it.
I mean,your balance is remarkable.
And using the soda lid as a ketchup
reservoir,that's just,that's ingenious.
I developed this system when ritchie was born because
he wouldn't sleep unless he was in a moving car.
That's the only way I could eat.
I got so good at it I could drive,eat a
three-course meal and nurse all at the same time.
I don't know why that's sexy,but it is.
Yeah,and to this day,if somebody
says,"can I take your order?"
I lactate a little.
Slightly less sexy,but still...
I'm glad you talked me into this.
Really because,honestly,I
wouldn't have done it otherwise.
Just because I wasn't attracted to you right
off the bat,you know,physically,or otherwise.
I just wouldn't have pursued it.
Now you're just trying to flatter me.
No,you know what I mean.
No,no,I had fun tonight.
You know,even without the drugs.
I'm starting to think that
drugs aren't the answer.
Well,no,not the whole answer.
I'm glad we got to finish outer .
- Well,me,too.
- Yeah.
And it's important to follow through.
I mean if you don't,sometimes you
might miss out on something great.
I mean,not that I'm saying I'm great.
I mean,I'm not great.
There are things that I do great.
I mean,do you like card magic?
Adults rarely do; please stop me.
You're cute.
Thank you,christine.
No,thank you...
bud.
You still don't know my name.
All right,then what is it?
Okay,I'll tell you what.
Let's both say it on the count of three.
- Okay.Okay?Okay.
- Fine.
One,two,three.
- Tom.
- Tom,right.
Ah,you're a good kisser...
s-sugar.
It's tom.
I don't know why it won't stick.
Brab
chicken.
Lost and found day.
All items left over 30
days will be disposed of.
All right,let's see
what we won this month.
Blind grab,no peeking.
Oh,a fanny pack.
And for quite a fanny.
Okay,it's my turn.
Oh,I just love this.
This is like christmas without
all the giving and the jesus.
What do we got? A flip-flop.Great.
okay,let's see.
Hello,consumer electronics.
oh,my god! An ipod?
You get an ipod,and I get a flip-flop?
Sorry,I can't hear you.
I'm listening to my ipod.
You got to share that.
Okay,you take the bag.
What is this?
is...?
Is this a marijuana?
I think it is.
Will you look at that.
It's a tiny little thing.
Should we call the police?
Give it to me. I know
how to get rid of it.
I'm going to light it on fire and
inhale the smoke to destroy the evidence.
You are going to smoke reefer?
Yeah. Why not?
It's just like a glass of wine.
Oh,barb,it is not.
When is the last time you ever heard
of somebody getting addicted to wine?
Talk to the guys who
collect your recycling.
Look,I'm a grown woman.
If I want to recreate in the privacy of my
own home,that's exactly what I'm going to do.
Well,I'm a grown woman.
Maybe I'll smoke it with you.
christine,you're not going to smoke it.
You know what? You come
to my house tonight.
Ritchie's at a sleepover.
We'll spark this doobie up.
You know,you've always
talked a big game,
but when it comes right down
to it,nothing's going to happen.
Oh,I'll smoke this thing right now.
Well,not right now,'cause I'm at work,and
I need to be alert when I order my lunch.
Okay,tonight,my crib. We burn.
This is going to be the
worst pot party ever.
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sync:??????
The New Adventures of Old Christine
Season03 Episode08
okay,sweetheart,well,you
have fun at henry'S.
And,lisn,remember,if you need to
be picked up early,you call daddy,
because I'm going to be at home,uh...
baking.
Okay,lovie? Okay,I love you,darling.
Have fun. Bye.
- hello.
- Hello.
I am so excited.
I can't believe we're
actually going to do this.
Okay,I got air
freshener,I got eye drops,
I got cheddar and sour
cream potato chips.
Ooh,I got a dvd of
the royal tennenbaums.
Everybody thought this was
so funny. I didn't get it.
What do you think is going to happen?
We have a very small
amount of marijuana here.
There's probably more thc in one of
matthew's burps than in this thing.
Let me see it.
Richard,you can't just
walk into somebody's house.
It's totally uncool,and
I'm not cool with it.
Why are you talking like that?
Why all the questions?
What are you,a cop?
What are you doing here?
I'm looking for some
blueprints. I think they're here.
Are you a cop?
No,I'm an architect.
I'm,uh,christine.
Yes,I-I know. We've met.
We went on a date.
Oh,yeah,yeah,I know. We went on a date.
Yes,I'm kidding.
Yeah,we had a great time.
I had diarrhea.
Well,i had a great time.
oh,um,have you met my
friend,barb? Barb,this is,um,uh...
that's the guy that I
went out on the date with.
You don't remember my name,do you?
Yeah,of course I remember your name.
I remember we shared a
meal or a movie together.
And then,barbie,it was so funny.
He had diarrhea.
Oh,I would shake your
hand,but I don't want to.
Christine: Richard,get out.
What's going on here?
Nothing's going on here.
I'm just not cool having you around,man.
All right,fonzie,we'll leave.
You lost a good one.
Uh,nice seeing you again,christine.
Yeah,nice to see you,too... you.
Whoa,that was close.
Okay.
Oh,you know what?
We can't do this in here.
Ritchie breathes this air.
Let's go out in the garage,okay?
He never goes in there.
He saw a rake in there once.
He thought it was a
mmy with a machine gun.
Man,two feet tall,and scared of rakes?
Private school is the
right place for him.
Where is it?
Wait a minute. What am I looking for?
Oh,oh,wait...
I'm not shaking your hand,either.
a little bit messy,but there's
an old futon here we can party on.
hey,barb,I need to tell you something.
I've never ud d fore.
You're kidding.
Then where'd you learn
all the hip lingo?
Tv.
Starsky and hutch,mostly.
A little baretta.
You know,they make new shows.
Uh,you know,wait. I-I...
I don't think we should do this.
But you said you wanted to.
No,I know.
But now that we're actually doing
it,I don't think it's the best idea.
I mean,what if somebody finds out?
You know,richard and that
guy were already suspicious.
I knew you weren't going
to go through with it.
You did not.
I was going to go through
with it,but,I mean,look.
There's oily rags all
over the place in here.
It's like a molotov cocktail.
Oh,I have a good idea.
Let's have cocktails.
There's always some excuse.
What? What are you talking about?
What am I talking about? Look.
Here's the kayak we were
going to paddle around baja in.
There's the bikes we were going to
ride across the continental divide on.
The chicken coops so we would never
have to buy another supermarket egg.
Let me ask you something,christine.
Where are you getting your eggs from?
The supermarket.
I thought so.
You know,with the exception of
men,you're all talk,no action.
All right,you want to
do this? Let's do it.
- Good.
- Yeah. Hand me the lighter.
- You're going to cough.
- I'm not going to cough.
give it to me.
I'm starving.
We didn't get anything.
Are you sure,'cause...
my teeth feel weird.
I knew this wasn't going
to happen. I'm going home.
Stop saying that,barb. Come on.
I know,you're right about me,barb.
I never finish anything I start.
I mean,look at this place.
This garage is a monument
to my half-assedness.
God,I am sick of it. I...
I am not going to sit here next to my
unbuilt birdhouses and unopened french tapes
and just say,"je quit."
All right,you stay here.
I'm going to finish this.
We're getting stoned tonight.
Hey,uh,listen,matthew.
I was wondering if
you were,um... holding.
Uh,holding what?
You know.
Do you have any grass?
What? No.
I don't think anyone's
had any grass since 1972.
Are you watching
starsky and hutch again?
Come on,punk,don't waste
my time. Where's your stash?
I-I don't have a
stash. I don't do drugs.
Why do you think I do drugs?
what?
Well,your hair,the robe. Your life.
What do you mean,my life?
You gave me this robe. I like my hair.
All right,I'm sorry,I was wrong.
I just wanted to finish
something I started.
When did you start smoking pot?
I started wanting to this afternoon,but now
it's gone the way of all my other dreams.
Traveling,learning
languages,knitting,juggling,
training f bor aiathlon,raising
llamas,mastering...
breath control so that I can learn
how to play a wind instrument.
Are you sure you're n higignow?
No,but you know what? I will be.
Oh,here it is!
My high school yearbook.
This thing is loaded with stoners.
And yet you still graduated
near the bottom of your class.
Hey,I was street smart.
"Bless this ho".
It's not finished.
I wasn't sure.
be cool. Everyone maintain.
What's going on?
I knew you were up to something.
Richard,what are you doing back here?
I remember where my blueprints were.
Hiya,christine.
pal.
What are you guys doing in here?
Nothing.
No. We always hang out in here.
We're trying to get
stoned. You got any weed?
Barb!
What?
It wasind d a dare that
turned into kind of a dream.
And now it's turned into just
another thing I'm not going to do.
Well,if you're looking for weed,I
wouldn't think you'd have to look very far.
I don't do drugs! Why
does everyone like,assume?
You know,if you're,if you're
really looking for something,
I might know a guy from
my old apartment complex.
Oh,really?
If you want,I can take
you over there right now.
That would be so great.
All right,barb,please,don't
go home. Stay here.
I'll be back in,like,half
an hour. I promise.
All right,if you're not back in a half
hour,I'm taking the salmon jerky machine.
I'm tired of paying so
much for salmon jerky.
Okay,it's a deal.
All right,let's go. Man.
Here we go.
Uh,I'd better go in by myself.
So,how much do you want?
I guess one medium,and
barb and I'll split it.
Do you have any idea what you're doing?
Not a lot.
Then,do you mind my
asking,why are you doing it?
I just want to prove to myself
that I can finish something.
You know,I have all
these things that I start,
and then I find some excuse
and I never finish and I quit.
Kind of like us.
Oh,you do that,too?
No,no,no,I mean,you did that with me.
We never finished our date.
And I thought we were really having fun,you
know,right up until I had to go to the emergency room.
Yeah,I,I did have fun.
Yeah,well,you said we
would reschedule but you,uh,
you never,you know,called me back.
Yeah,well,you know,it was
a weird time for me. I...
there was this guy that
I was interested in.
And then he became
interested in me and...
How's that going?
He lost interest.
- And then you turned to drugs?
- Yeah.
But you know what?
I'm really sorry if I
didn't call you back.
And if I said I would go out with you
again,then I should have done that.
I'm really going to
try to stop doing that.
Well,maybe today is your chance
to finally complete something.
Yeah. It might be.
Really?
Yeah. I'll wait in the
car.Go get the stuff.
- Go.Go get the stuff.
- Okay.All right.All right.
This reminds me of high school.
Sitting around in someone's garage,trying to
make conversation with a stoner on a dirty futon.
I am not a stoner.
My ears stick out,I have
to grow my hair long.
Man,look at all this crap.
Okay.
Who's brave enough to
look in the pet carrier?
A lot of grateful guys
signed her yearbook.
Looks like she's the one thing
the debate team could agree on.
You're talking about
the mother of my child.
She did it right.
Sleeping with everything that
moved before she settled down.
Mother of my child!
Oh,come on,barb. You
must have got around.
Why would you think that?
I-I don't know. The way
you look,and act,and drink.
And your hair seems slutty.
I'll tell you something.
I'm not exactly proud of this,but pete is
the only man that I've gone all the way with.
Nah-uh.
I know for a fact you
were with mikey pines.
I was with him,he wasn't with me.
I'm scared to know what that means.
Come on.
I can't believe this.
What's so hard to believe?
Matthew doesn't do drugs,you're not
easy,christine has llama food in her garage.
What the hell is going on?
I don't want to talk about
this anymore. Too personal.
Yeah. All right,I'm
going to get out of here.
If tom comes back,tell him
I went home to feed my llama.
you can go,too,if you want.
Oh,that's okay. I don't
mind waiting with you.
Hey,let's go through
christine's unfinished memoir,
I'm no hero: The
christine campbell story.
Wh... what's it say?
That's all she's got.
How could she say she's not a hero?
All right,I'm back.
Good news,I managed to
snag my old welcome mat.
Bad news,no marijuana.
What? What happened?
Oh,I guess I just completely
forgot about the welcome mat.
Which is odd,I must have walked over it a
thousand times when I was moving my stuff out.
Dude,where's my drugs?
Oh,well,you know,it turns out he's
not so much a dealer as a lawyer.
Yeah,no,I guess I just
assumed he was a dealer.
I mean,he was always playing loud music,and
he had a kucinich bumper sticker. I mean...
are you kidding me,man?
You drove me all the
way here for nothing?
Sorry. I guess I just wanted
to spend time with you.
This night's a bust.
I've completed exactly nothing,and for
some reason I still have the munchies.
Well,then why don't we go get dinner?
I'm kind of busy.
You devoted an entire night to
finding pot to smoke in your garage.
Well,I know,but,you know,I just feel
sort of,like,going home right now.
Christine,you say you
want to finish something.
All right,we're sitting here
in a car with nothing to do,
and I'm asking you to
let me take you to dinner.
And that's all it is,just one dinner.
It won't take very long.
You don't have to call me tomorrow.
You don't even have to learn my name.
I'm giving you a chance
to finish something.
Finish me,christine.
Finish me.
How long are you waiting for christine?
I don't know,probably all night.
I got nothing else to do.
I gave christine a hard time,but the
truth is,I haven't done anything,either.
At least she has the debate team.
What have I got?
Oh,you got stuff.
I mean,you got that great hair,and,well,
in about seven minutes you're going
to be the proud owner of a fish dryer.
You know,pete and i
split up six months ago,
and I haven't even
gone out on a date yet.
Why haven't you?
Because I'm scared.
I've only been with one man.
I don't know what it's going to be like.
Well,uh,pete was six-five
with a size-14 shoe,
so you might want to start
by lowering your expectations.
I don't know anything.
You know,being with only
one man,I have no context.
You know what I'm saying?
I need context.
I'm sure you won't have
a problem finding context.
Smaller context than you're
used to,maybe,but context.
Yeah... maybe.
Mmm,god...
I love eating in a
car. It's like camping.
Well... you're really good at it.
I mean,your balance is remarkable.
And using the soda lid as a ketchup
reservoir,that's just,that's ingenious.
I developed this system when ritchie was born because
he wouldn't sleep unless he was in a moving car.
That's the only way I could eat.
I got so good at it I could drive,eat a
three-course meal and nurse all at the same time.
I don't know why that's sexy,but it is.
Yeah,and to this day,if somebody
says,"can I take your order?"
I lactate a little.
Slightly less sexy,but still...
I'm glad you talked me into this.
Really because,honestly,I
wouldn't have done it otherwise.
Just because I wasn't attracted to you right
off the bat,you know,physically,or otherwise.
I just wouldn't have pursued it.
Now you're just trying to flatter me.
No,you know what I mean.
No,no,I had fun tonight.
You know,even without the drugs.
I'm starting to think that
drugs aren't the answer.
Well,no,not the whole answer.
I'm glad we got to finish outer .
- Well,me,too.
- Yeah.
And it's important to follow through.
I mean if you don't,sometimes you
might miss out on something great.
I mean,not that I'm saying I'm great.
I mean,I'm not great.
There are things that I do great.
I mean,do you like card magic?
Adults rarely do; please stop me.
You're cute.
Thank you,christine.
No,thank you...
bud.
You still don't know my name.
All right,then what is it?
Okay,I'll tell you what.
Let's both say it on the count of three.
- Okay.Okay?Okay.
- Fine.
One,two,three.
- Tom.
- Tom,right.
Ah,you're a good kisser...
s-sugar.
It's tom.
I don't know why it won't stick.
Brab
chicken.