The Nanny (1993–1999): Season 6, Episode 8 - Making Whoopi - full transcript
Fran is depressed over her inability to conceive. She finds out that she is ovulating just as they are making an appearance on Hollywood Squares.
I can't wait any longer.
-Sweetheart.
-Mom.
How is she? How is the baby?
Fran, I am so sorry.
I lost the baby?
Well, let me explain.
In rare instances,
the HCG levels can elevate
to such a vast concentration
that it emulates--
What the hell are you talking about?
A false positive. It turns out
you were never pregnant.
What?
My married daughter isn't pregnant?
How could you screw up like this?
Screw up has a negative connotation.
We prefer to use the word mishap.
Well, what was all that
stomach pain I was feeling?
That was caused by something you ate.
Fran, I can't tell you how sorry I am.
Darling, everything is okay.
-The important thing is you're all right.
-Yeah.
But you, however...
You are going to call
Myra Needleman herself,
and explain why the Hadassah Newsletter
suddenly has no headline!
Sweetheart, I'm so sorry.
You must be feeling--
I can't even imagine how you're feeling.
It's okay. It-- You know,
what are you gonna do?
I guess, it just-- It wasn't meant to be.
Look on the bright side, now this'll give
you time to get used to the name, Shlomo.
Why don't you go pay the bill
and I'll get my things together
and then we'll go home.
-You sure you're all right?
-I'm fine. I'm absolutely, perfectly fine.
All right.
Yeah.
Honey, you forgot to kiss me goodbye.
I'm sorry, sweetheart.
You're gonna be all right?
You don't want me to stay with you here?
I'm okay. You can go to work.
All right.
-Love you.
-Love you.
Darling, you do realize,
you're still holding on?
Yes, I do.
Sweetheart, would you like to talk?
Yes, I would.
Do you mind if we do it sitting down?
Okay.
There we are.
Now, darling, what's the matter?
Honey, I know that I was really strong
at the hospital, but...
to tell you the truth,
I already started loving that baby.
Darling, I know, so did I.
But you know what they say,
"If at first you don't succeed,
try and try again and again."
I love you so much right now.
Come with me, I wanna show you something.
Look at this.
I already did a little shopping.
Fran.
-What if it's a boy?
-Well.
Darling, the child isn't even born yet
and already you're pressuring him
to be a doctor.
Well, they didn't have
little lawyer suits.
-Darling, I love you so much.
-I love you.
I can't wait to come home, climb into bed
and start again-ing again.
Ma, guess what.
Maxwell and I decided that we're gonna try
and make a baby right away.
-Mazel tov, darling.
-No jumping.
-Love you.
-I love you, son.
Everything is gonna be wonderful.
You'll have a baby before you know it.
It's gonna take forever.
He's over 40 and his sperm
are practically in a coma.
Ma, what are you saying?
I'm saying his little fish are gonna need
a little help swimming upstream.
-Frannie?
-What?
I know, someone with the exact
same problem.
Just got married, thought she's pregnant,
found out she wasn't.
Yetta, that's me.
Well, then you tell it.
You know something?
When my mother couldn't get pregnant,
she went to an herbologist.
And then, she had three of--
Of the dumbest kids I have ever met.
-Yetta, you're talking about Val.
-Yeah.
Well, then you tell it.
You know, it might not be a bad idea
going to a herbologist.
Your cousin Merle went. Remember?
Mr. Fu?
Ma, you want me to put my husband's
little swimmers in the hands of a man
whose office is in a Chinese restaurant?
It's Cantonese.
And it's behind the restaurant.
Meanwhile, he gave Merle
a bunch of roots and crap...
And bam, she got pregnant.
All right, I'll talk to Max about it.
No!
-Why?
-He'll lose confidence,
he'll feel emasculated
and then he'll never wanna have sex
with you again
-and then he'll--
-And then you'll have her marriage.
-Would you look at all this stuff.
-Yeah.
I wonder what this is for?
This is very good for the brain.
Makes you smart.
Fifty cents a bottle.
And how much for two bottles?
You better take the large.
Thank you.
Hi Mr. Fu, I'm Fran. And, you know,
we're having a little trouble conceiving.
Say no more.
This is an ancient Chinese mushroom root.
You put it in a shake and he takes
one every 24 hours.
But how many times a day?
Thank you.
So, this stuff is really gonna make
his little soldiers swim faster?
Just ask Mrs. Fu.
Congratulations, Mrs. Fu.
So the shake got you pregnant?
No, unfortunately,
I also had to use Mr. Fu.
-And if you need a little extra help...
-Yeah?
...eat these special almond cookies.
It'll make the two of you
really hot for each other.
Wow! That's very thoughtful,
but to tell you the truth,
my husband and I don't need any help
in that department.
Yeah.
Why would a woman under 30
need any help?
You know what?
You better give me three dozen.
Yeah. Here, just give me the whole box.
Val, I find these instructions
so confusing.
No, it's easy, Fran.
Look. Here's the protein shake
that'll help Max's swimmers.
And if he's not in the mood, here are
the cookies that'll help make him frisky.
Val, I'm the cookie
that'll make him frisky.
Meanwhile, I think it is high time
that the Western medical community
recognize the value
in ancient Chinese medicine.
Val, those smart pills are
really beginning to kick in.
Isn't it prodigious?
Well, now you're just showing off.
Fran, you have time to help me
with my homework?
Sure, honey, I always have time for you.
What's the subject?
Honors Algebra II.
Look, sweetie, your square root's all off.
-Fran, look, her square root's all off.
-Yeah.
-Yes. I see.
-Yeah.
Valerie, why don't you take
young Gracie upstairs
and, you know, do whatever
to make it more prodigious.
What's that, Nanny Fine? Slim fast?
No. Swim fast!
Why would a woman go to such lengths
to have a baby?
You know, in fact I was thinking
about having one of those operations,
but then I thought what if I marry
a wealthy man
who insists I produce an heir?
Stop deluding yourself.
Go ahead and have the vasectomy.
Niles. I have such a good comeback.
But don't you have to go wash
your boss's underwear?
You know, Nanny Fine may not know
how to work an oven,
but she knows how to get good takeout.
These cookies are delicious.
Well, they are pretty good, aren't they?
In fact, they're not bad at all.
Niles, is that a new apron
you're wearing?
Have you guys seen Mom or Dad
in the past couple of days?
Yeah, what have they been doing?
Hey, Niles, you know what Mom
and Dad have been up to?
They're trying to co-produce
a new project.
How, Dad's gonna let Fran handle
his business?
Eat your eggs.
Hi, baby.
Hi, dumpling.
You smell good. What is that?
Lemon bowl fresh.
You're wearing those extra-wide
shoulder pads today, aren't you?
I'm not wearing any.
Better.
Should we worry about this?
Let them experiment.
I hope it's just a phase.
-Niles!
-What?
Niles, quick. Throw this pregnancy test
away. Quick as you can.
Well, I could have done that.
I meant throw it away outside.
Well, you could have done that too.
It's another negative. I've been trying
to hold off this bad news
as long as possible.
The poor thing will fall apart.
Yeah.
As long as I have you here,
there's some business
we need to take care of.
It seems that--
Stop it.
It seems Andrew Lloyd Webber was slated
to do Hollywood Squares this week.
That is so typical of the man.
He's all commercial.
Honestly, he'd sell out at the drop
of a hat.
And he has the gall to call himself a man
of the theater?
Well, they couldn't get him.
They want you instead.
I'm gonna do Hollywood Squares?
Honey.
Honey.
You seen my pregnancy test?
Sweetheart, guess who's going
to meet nine celebrities
and I'm gonna let her bring her camera?
What are you talking about?
I'm gonna do Hollywood Squares.
Hollywood Squares!
I love Hollywood Squares.
Honey, that's so exciting.
Have you seen my pregnancy test?
Whoopi Goldberg's
gonna be on the show and--
I know, why don't you invite your mother?
You're inviting my mother too?
The test was negative, wasn't it?
Darling, I'm so sorry.
I don't understand this.
Why aren't we getting pregnant?
-I mean, we keep trying again and again.
-I know, darling. I know.
Look, I'm tired, you're tired.
What do you say we just rest for a while,
and wait a bit until we try again?
What do you say I go and make
the arrangements for Hollywood Squares
and then I'll take my beautiful wife out
for a lovely, romantic dinner.
That's so sweet. I love you.
We're not going to wait. We're gonna try
again right now, aren't we?
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
Fran, don't be so depressed.
Dr. Reynolds said, there's nothing wrong
with you or Maxwell.
Well, then why'd she prescribe
those stupid hormones for me?
Darling, taking hormones
is a natural thing.
Your Aunt Addie and your Uncle Artie
both took them.
Ma, that's because Aunt Addie
was Uncle Artie.
She's collecting
two Social Security checks.
All right.
You know, I never understood
why people buy toilet water.
You ever smell the water in a toilet?
It's not that great.
What's the matter, Val?
You stop taking your smart pills?
I had to, it gave me terrible gas.
What is the use of being brilliant
when nobody wants to come near you?
Mrs. Fran Sheffield,
your hormones are ready.
Does everybody have to know my business?
It's not like when you had
that nauseous-making rash.
Stop it.
Just give me my prescription,
and I'll take an ovulation kit, please.
-And here.
-Are you a mess.
I'm glad I didn't ask you out
like your mother wanted me to.
Ma!
Well, you weren't married and...
that was really it.
Well, Val, we better hurry up
because Maxwell's expecting me back
at the house in an hour.
You know, the one good thing
that has come out of all of this
is that it's made me and Max inseparable.
You know what I mean.
And remember, until you're ovulating,
you and your husband cannot have any sex.
Well, so far I think,
abstaining is going quite well.
Darling, it's been five minutes.
Would you like to watch television?
No, then we'll just have to go
downstairs.
No, we've got one right up here.
Really?
-We just haven't had occasion to use it.
-Why don't we just try talking?
Right. That's a good idea.
Sweetheart, what's wrong?
Maybe sex is the only thing
we have in common.
Now, darling, don't be ridiculous.
We have lots of things in common.
-I don't think we do.
-Yes, of course we do.
All right, darling, we should stop this.
I know.
No, darling, really.
I know.
All right, I'm serious now. Stop.
All right, you know what?
Why don't we just count to three,
and then we'll pull apart.
All right. On three or count to three
and then pull apart?
I know. We'll make it easy.
Let's just count to 300.
Right.
No, I don't wanna do anything that's going
to jeopardize us making a baby.
Honey, this is ridiculous.
It can't be as hard as all that.
I mean, you abstained for five years.
How on Earth did you manage that?
More M&M's, sweetheart?
And in our center square,
as always Whoopi Goldberg.
-Yetta.
-Ma, are you nuts?
Why are you dressed like that?
I didn't know what to wear
to this game show,
so I put on what I wore to the last one.
This is so exciting.
I can't believe that I'm this close
to Whoopi Goldberg and Howie Mandel.
Now, Fran, don't take this the wrong way,
but why is your husband up there
with all those famous people?
Val, a lot of people know who Max is.
I'll take that guy who replaced
Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Okay, Maxwell Sheffield,
famous Broadway producer.
Four shows on Broadway, Tony Award winner,
recently knighted.
What have you got to say for yourself?
Actually, Tom,
that's Andrew Lloyd Webber's bio.
Sorry. All right, here's your question,
Maxwell.
"In England, what do you get
when you ask a waitress for a banger?"
Well, Tom, I've got--
I'll tell you what I got,
I got six months of penicillin shots.
Thank you, Martin.
I'll just wait for the laughter
to die down before I give my answer.
Well, Tom, when I ask for a banger,
I get a slap in the face.
Sausage?
Buy a vowel.
-I agree.
-Sausage is right, yes. X gets the square.
I'll take Howie Mandel to block.
All right, that's it. I want a new square.
Brad Pitt wouldn't get picked in this box.
I wanna be on top of Whoopi.
Honey, if you was Brad Pitt, you would be.
All right, now.
Howie, In the story of Hanukkah
what miraculously lasted for eight days?
Esther's husband.
Where is Fran, already?
She went to the bathroom to take
her ovulation test.
-Now?
-Yeah, she has to take it
the exact same time every day.
Val, I'm ovulating.
Now is the perfect time
for me to be with Maxwell.
-What am I gonna do?
-What can you do?
-He's in the middle of a TV show.
-I know.
All right. Relax, Fran. You know,
you've gone without sex for this long,
is another month really gonna kill you?
-Excuse me? What are you doing?
-Ms. Whoopi Goldberg.
I'm so sorry, I just--
I have to have sex right now.
You know, usually they ask
for my autograph. What is this?
Honey, my temperature's right. It's time.
I think that one took.
-Is that lemon bowl fresh I smell again?
-Yes.
Well, it's disgusting.
It smells like a men's room.
And you'd know.
I don't know what I found attractive
about you the last few days,
-but you are totally back to repulsive.
-Ditto.
Would you be interested
in taking a Jacuzzi?
-Sweetheart.
-Mom.
How is she? How is the baby?
Fran, I am so sorry.
I lost the baby?
Well, let me explain.
In rare instances,
the HCG levels can elevate
to such a vast concentration
that it emulates--
What the hell are you talking about?
A false positive. It turns out
you were never pregnant.
What?
My married daughter isn't pregnant?
How could you screw up like this?
Screw up has a negative connotation.
We prefer to use the word mishap.
Well, what was all that
stomach pain I was feeling?
That was caused by something you ate.
Fran, I can't tell you how sorry I am.
Darling, everything is okay.
-The important thing is you're all right.
-Yeah.
But you, however...
You are going to call
Myra Needleman herself,
and explain why the Hadassah Newsletter
suddenly has no headline!
Sweetheart, I'm so sorry.
You must be feeling--
I can't even imagine how you're feeling.
It's okay. It-- You know,
what are you gonna do?
I guess, it just-- It wasn't meant to be.
Look on the bright side, now this'll give
you time to get used to the name, Shlomo.
Why don't you go pay the bill
and I'll get my things together
and then we'll go home.
-You sure you're all right?
-I'm fine. I'm absolutely, perfectly fine.
All right.
Yeah.
Honey, you forgot to kiss me goodbye.
I'm sorry, sweetheart.
You're gonna be all right?
You don't want me to stay with you here?
I'm okay. You can go to work.
All right.
-Love you.
-Love you.
Darling, you do realize,
you're still holding on?
Yes, I do.
Sweetheart, would you like to talk?
Yes, I would.
Do you mind if we do it sitting down?
Okay.
There we are.
Now, darling, what's the matter?
Honey, I know that I was really strong
at the hospital, but...
to tell you the truth,
I already started loving that baby.
Darling, I know, so did I.
But you know what they say,
"If at first you don't succeed,
try and try again and again."
I love you so much right now.
Come with me, I wanna show you something.
Look at this.
I already did a little shopping.
Fran.
-What if it's a boy?
-Well.
Darling, the child isn't even born yet
and already you're pressuring him
to be a doctor.
Well, they didn't have
little lawyer suits.
-Darling, I love you so much.
-I love you.
I can't wait to come home, climb into bed
and start again-ing again.
Ma, guess what.
Maxwell and I decided that we're gonna try
and make a baby right away.
-Mazel tov, darling.
-No jumping.
-Love you.
-I love you, son.
Everything is gonna be wonderful.
You'll have a baby before you know it.
It's gonna take forever.
He's over 40 and his sperm
are practically in a coma.
Ma, what are you saying?
I'm saying his little fish are gonna need
a little help swimming upstream.
-Frannie?
-What?
I know, someone with the exact
same problem.
Just got married, thought she's pregnant,
found out she wasn't.
Yetta, that's me.
Well, then you tell it.
You know something?
When my mother couldn't get pregnant,
she went to an herbologist.
And then, she had three of--
Of the dumbest kids I have ever met.
-Yetta, you're talking about Val.
-Yeah.
Well, then you tell it.
You know, it might not be a bad idea
going to a herbologist.
Your cousin Merle went. Remember?
Mr. Fu?
Ma, you want me to put my husband's
little swimmers in the hands of a man
whose office is in a Chinese restaurant?
It's Cantonese.
And it's behind the restaurant.
Meanwhile, he gave Merle
a bunch of roots and crap...
And bam, she got pregnant.
All right, I'll talk to Max about it.
No!
-Why?
-He'll lose confidence,
he'll feel emasculated
and then he'll never wanna have sex
with you again
-and then he'll--
-And then you'll have her marriage.
-Would you look at all this stuff.
-Yeah.
I wonder what this is for?
This is very good for the brain.
Makes you smart.
Fifty cents a bottle.
And how much for two bottles?
You better take the large.
Thank you.
Hi Mr. Fu, I'm Fran. And, you know,
we're having a little trouble conceiving.
Say no more.
This is an ancient Chinese mushroom root.
You put it in a shake and he takes
one every 24 hours.
But how many times a day?
Thank you.
So, this stuff is really gonna make
his little soldiers swim faster?
Just ask Mrs. Fu.
Congratulations, Mrs. Fu.
So the shake got you pregnant?
No, unfortunately,
I also had to use Mr. Fu.
-And if you need a little extra help...
-Yeah?
...eat these special almond cookies.
It'll make the two of you
really hot for each other.
Wow! That's very thoughtful,
but to tell you the truth,
my husband and I don't need any help
in that department.
Yeah.
Why would a woman under 30
need any help?
You know what?
You better give me three dozen.
Yeah. Here, just give me the whole box.
Val, I find these instructions
so confusing.
No, it's easy, Fran.
Look. Here's the protein shake
that'll help Max's swimmers.
And if he's not in the mood, here are
the cookies that'll help make him frisky.
Val, I'm the cookie
that'll make him frisky.
Meanwhile, I think it is high time
that the Western medical community
recognize the value
in ancient Chinese medicine.
Val, those smart pills are
really beginning to kick in.
Isn't it prodigious?
Well, now you're just showing off.
Fran, you have time to help me
with my homework?
Sure, honey, I always have time for you.
What's the subject?
Honors Algebra II.
Look, sweetie, your square root's all off.
-Fran, look, her square root's all off.
-Yeah.
-Yes. I see.
-Yeah.
Valerie, why don't you take
young Gracie upstairs
and, you know, do whatever
to make it more prodigious.
What's that, Nanny Fine? Slim fast?
No. Swim fast!
Why would a woman go to such lengths
to have a baby?
You know, in fact I was thinking
about having one of those operations,
but then I thought what if I marry
a wealthy man
who insists I produce an heir?
Stop deluding yourself.
Go ahead and have the vasectomy.
Niles. I have such a good comeback.
But don't you have to go wash
your boss's underwear?
You know, Nanny Fine may not know
how to work an oven,
but she knows how to get good takeout.
These cookies are delicious.
Well, they are pretty good, aren't they?
In fact, they're not bad at all.
Niles, is that a new apron
you're wearing?
Have you guys seen Mom or Dad
in the past couple of days?
Yeah, what have they been doing?
Hey, Niles, you know what Mom
and Dad have been up to?
They're trying to co-produce
a new project.
How, Dad's gonna let Fran handle
his business?
Eat your eggs.
Hi, baby.
Hi, dumpling.
You smell good. What is that?
Lemon bowl fresh.
You're wearing those extra-wide
shoulder pads today, aren't you?
I'm not wearing any.
Better.
Should we worry about this?
Let them experiment.
I hope it's just a phase.
-Niles!
-What?
Niles, quick. Throw this pregnancy test
away. Quick as you can.
Well, I could have done that.
I meant throw it away outside.
Well, you could have done that too.
It's another negative. I've been trying
to hold off this bad news
as long as possible.
The poor thing will fall apart.
Yeah.
As long as I have you here,
there's some business
we need to take care of.
It seems that--
Stop it.
It seems Andrew Lloyd Webber was slated
to do Hollywood Squares this week.
That is so typical of the man.
He's all commercial.
Honestly, he'd sell out at the drop
of a hat.
And he has the gall to call himself a man
of the theater?
Well, they couldn't get him.
They want you instead.
I'm gonna do Hollywood Squares?
Honey.
Honey.
You seen my pregnancy test?
Sweetheart, guess who's going
to meet nine celebrities
and I'm gonna let her bring her camera?
What are you talking about?
I'm gonna do Hollywood Squares.
Hollywood Squares!
I love Hollywood Squares.
Honey, that's so exciting.
Have you seen my pregnancy test?
Whoopi Goldberg's
gonna be on the show and--
I know, why don't you invite your mother?
You're inviting my mother too?
The test was negative, wasn't it?
Darling, I'm so sorry.
I don't understand this.
Why aren't we getting pregnant?
-I mean, we keep trying again and again.
-I know, darling. I know.
Look, I'm tired, you're tired.
What do you say we just rest for a while,
and wait a bit until we try again?
What do you say I go and make
the arrangements for Hollywood Squares
and then I'll take my beautiful wife out
for a lovely, romantic dinner.
That's so sweet. I love you.
We're not going to wait. We're gonna try
again right now, aren't we?
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
Fran, don't be so depressed.
Dr. Reynolds said, there's nothing wrong
with you or Maxwell.
Well, then why'd she prescribe
those stupid hormones for me?
Darling, taking hormones
is a natural thing.
Your Aunt Addie and your Uncle Artie
both took them.
Ma, that's because Aunt Addie
was Uncle Artie.
She's collecting
two Social Security checks.
All right.
You know, I never understood
why people buy toilet water.
You ever smell the water in a toilet?
It's not that great.
What's the matter, Val?
You stop taking your smart pills?
I had to, it gave me terrible gas.
What is the use of being brilliant
when nobody wants to come near you?
Mrs. Fran Sheffield,
your hormones are ready.
Does everybody have to know my business?
It's not like when you had
that nauseous-making rash.
Stop it.
Just give me my prescription,
and I'll take an ovulation kit, please.
-And here.
-Are you a mess.
I'm glad I didn't ask you out
like your mother wanted me to.
Ma!
Well, you weren't married and...
that was really it.
Well, Val, we better hurry up
because Maxwell's expecting me back
at the house in an hour.
You know, the one good thing
that has come out of all of this
is that it's made me and Max inseparable.
You know what I mean.
And remember, until you're ovulating,
you and your husband cannot have any sex.
Well, so far I think,
abstaining is going quite well.
Darling, it's been five minutes.
Would you like to watch television?
No, then we'll just have to go
downstairs.
No, we've got one right up here.
Really?
-We just haven't had occasion to use it.
-Why don't we just try talking?
Right. That's a good idea.
Sweetheart, what's wrong?
Maybe sex is the only thing
we have in common.
Now, darling, don't be ridiculous.
We have lots of things in common.
-I don't think we do.
-Yes, of course we do.
All right, darling, we should stop this.
I know.
No, darling, really.
I know.
All right, I'm serious now. Stop.
All right, you know what?
Why don't we just count to three,
and then we'll pull apart.
All right. On three or count to three
and then pull apart?
I know. We'll make it easy.
Let's just count to 300.
Right.
No, I don't wanna do anything that's going
to jeopardize us making a baby.
Honey, this is ridiculous.
It can't be as hard as all that.
I mean, you abstained for five years.
How on Earth did you manage that?
More M&M's, sweetheart?
And in our center square,
as always Whoopi Goldberg.
-Yetta.
-Ma, are you nuts?
Why are you dressed like that?
I didn't know what to wear
to this game show,
so I put on what I wore to the last one.
This is so exciting.
I can't believe that I'm this close
to Whoopi Goldberg and Howie Mandel.
Now, Fran, don't take this the wrong way,
but why is your husband up there
with all those famous people?
Val, a lot of people know who Max is.
I'll take that guy who replaced
Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Okay, Maxwell Sheffield,
famous Broadway producer.
Four shows on Broadway, Tony Award winner,
recently knighted.
What have you got to say for yourself?
Actually, Tom,
that's Andrew Lloyd Webber's bio.
Sorry. All right, here's your question,
Maxwell.
"In England, what do you get
when you ask a waitress for a banger?"
Well, Tom, I've got--
I'll tell you what I got,
I got six months of penicillin shots.
Thank you, Martin.
I'll just wait for the laughter
to die down before I give my answer.
Well, Tom, when I ask for a banger,
I get a slap in the face.
Sausage?
Buy a vowel.
-I agree.
-Sausage is right, yes. X gets the square.
I'll take Howie Mandel to block.
All right, that's it. I want a new square.
Brad Pitt wouldn't get picked in this box.
I wanna be on top of Whoopi.
Honey, if you was Brad Pitt, you would be.
All right, now.
Howie, In the story of Hanukkah
what miraculously lasted for eight days?
Esther's husband.
Where is Fran, already?
She went to the bathroom to take
her ovulation test.
-Now?
-Yeah, she has to take it
the exact same time every day.
Val, I'm ovulating.
Now is the perfect time
for me to be with Maxwell.
-What am I gonna do?
-What can you do?
-He's in the middle of a TV show.
-I know.
All right. Relax, Fran. You know,
you've gone without sex for this long,
is another month really gonna kill you?
-Excuse me? What are you doing?
-Ms. Whoopi Goldberg.
I'm so sorry, I just--
I have to have sex right now.
You know, usually they ask
for my autograph. What is this?
Honey, my temperature's right. It's time.
I think that one took.
-Is that lemon bowl fresh I smell again?
-Yes.
Well, it's disgusting.
It smells like a men's room.
And you'd know.
I don't know what I found attractive
about you the last few days,
-but you are totally back to repulsive.
-Ditto.
Would you be interested
in taking a Jacuzzi?