The Nanny (1993–1999): Season 6, Episode 1 - The Honeymoon's Overboard - full transcript

Previously on The Nanny.

Oh, my God, Fran, you...

You look exquisite in this moonlight.

Well, after 29, a girl's best light
is candle and or moon.

-I love you, my darling.
-I love you.

Don't move. Don't move an inch.
I wanna remember you just like this.

-Let me get a camera.
-Okay.

Don't forget to put the red eye on.

Fran...

Fran?

Darling? Fran!



Miss Fine!

It's Mrs. Sheffield.

Hang on, darling. I'm coming!

Hello?

Oh, God.

Sylvia, they're on their honeymoon.
Your daughter is not here.

Why are you?

I smell bacon.

Well, it must be coming from next door.

Well, I don't know them.

I had so much to drink at the reception.

I had the strangest nightmare
that Santa Claus was trying

to have his way with me.

-Oh, my God.
-Oh, God.



We didn't, did we?

Well, I'm not sure.

Say, "Ho, ho, ho."

No one can ever know
that this might possibly have happened.

Well, it ain't going on my résumé.

Well, of course,
I can't talk if my mouth is full.

-I'll make omelets.
-I'll make the pancakes.

Oh, dear.

Sheffield residence.

What? It's the Coast Guard.

The Coast Guard?

Why would they call?

The yacht reached its first port

and neither Mr. Sheffield
nor your daughter were onboard.

What does that mean?

They think they might have fallen
off the ship.

Oh, my God.

They found Mr. Sheffield's shoes
and robe strewn on the deck.

That doesn't prove anything.

Beside an untouched tray
of hors d'oeuvres.

My daughter is dead.

Sylvia, Sylvia.
Here, here. Here you are.

She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, Queens

'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenes

What was she to do, where was she to go,
She was out on her fanny

So over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffield's door,

She was there to sell make-up
But the father saw more,

She had style, she had flair,
She was there,

That's how she became the Nanny

Who would have guessed
That the girl we described

Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?

Now the father finds her beguiling,
Watch out C.C.,

And the kids are actually smiling,
Such joie de vivre!

She's the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tan

The flashy girl from Flushing,
The Nanny named Fran

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Land. Land.

Oh, my God.

Oh no. Oh no.

Oh, please God, no.

Yes!

Sweetie. Sweetie.
Wake up. Wake up.

-Wake up. Wake up, honey. Thank God.
-You're hurting me, sweetheart.

-Honey. I love you.
-Oh, God. Darling.

-Can you stand?
-Yes.

Sweetie.

Oh, my God,
it's a miracle we both stayed afloat.

Well, you know, I had help
because I was wearing a padded--

so where do you think we are
around here?

I don't know. I don't know.
The important thing is, are you all right?

-Yes. Yes. And you?
-Yes, yes, I'm fine. I--

Hey, I'm all here.

Well, that is except my Rolex.

Sweetie, who cares about that?
Those are just material things.

The important thing is,
that your wife

lost her diamond.

Oh, my God! My diamond! My diamond!

Oh, wait, here it is. It turned around.

It flipped around. I've got it.
I've got it.

Who the hell am I talking to?
There's nobody here.

-We're alone on this island!
-Okay, calm down.

Calm down. We don't know anything yet.

Now, come on,
let's just take a little walk around.

-I'm sure we'll be able to find some help.
-Honey, honey, take it easy.

I'm wearing my slipper-pumps.

How on earth, did you manage
to hold onto those?

They cost a fortune. I clenched.

I don't believe these reporters have got
the entire street blocked.

Look, that pizza kid
can't even get his bike through.

Why don't you animals leave us alone?

I can't believe this is happening.

I know, yesterday we were at their wedding
and now they're gone?

Hey, come on.

Look, now, they're gonna find them
and bring them home.

And until then, I'm the man of the house,
so I'm in charge.

-Now, Niles...
-Sir?

What do we do if Mommy and Daddy
don't come home?

I don't know.

I pretend to know everything
but I'm just the butler.

I'm nothing without him.

What's going to happen to me?

He must have watched The Dresser again.

Why hasn't the Coast Guard
called us already?

Something is wrong. Very, very wrong.

I always had a strong psychic connection
with my daughter.

But now I don't feel anything.

Don't worry Sylvia.
Everything's gonna be okay.

She's right.
You just think good thoughts.

How can you be so calm?
Your Daddy could be dead!

Sylvia. Girls.

-Now, girls, try not to worry.
-Perfect. The grieving family.

-Excuse me. Excuse me.
-Don't cry.

We all wanted to thank the public
for their support.

And we know in our hearts
that they're okay.

Like the character says
in our revival of Bye, Bye Birdie.

Currently at the 45th Street Theater.

Box office opens at 8 a.m.

They've got a lot of living to do.

Cut. Okay, let's try one without the kids.

Honey, I went to the forest
and I picked us up some berries

and some Charmin.

-Wait, don't, don't. Wait.
-What? Why?

How do we know
those aren't poisonous?

I guess we don't unless
someone tries it first.

-Niles!
-Niles!

So, sweetheart, what do you think?

Wow, you know, as a second house,
I think that it is just gorgeous.

And, well, maybe it's just me but...

don't you think that all this bamboo

is sort of competing
with the view a little bit?

Well, it's shelter, sweetheart.

-It's to protect us from the elements.
-I see.

But, what are people going to think

when they pull up of the couple
that lives inside?

That they're alone and abandoned
on a deserted island.

Now, I need one more palm frond
for the powder room,

so if you wouldn't mind,

Sarcasm, I don't really need.

Look, the heel of my shoe broke on me.

And they're the first pair
that I ever bought retail.

-There, there, darling.
-Sweetie.

I hate this honeymoon so much.

I mean, where is my little complimentary
aloha cocktail?

Where is the little hangers
without the hooks that don't work at home?

And where is my 20-dollar toast
with the little jellies

that I can never open?

There, there, darling, darling,
sweetheart.

You know you are doing an awful
lot of complaining.

Now, sweetheart, we have to keep
this fire going through the night

so why don't you run off
and find some twigs, huh?

All right, I'll find you little twigs.

Boy, I never worked this hard for him
when I worked for him.

It's very hot.

And it's a wet heat.

I'm getting bitten up alive...

-in a house with no view.
-All right. That's it.

That is it. Will you stop it?
Will you just stop it?

Now, I'll get us through this thing,

if you do what I tell you,
when I tell you to do it!

I'm sick of you tripping all the time,
so get rid of this bloody thing.

Now, will you go and get some more sticks
for the fire?

All right.

Oh, my darling.
I've waited so long for this moment.

You've waited so long.

Maxwell.

Darling.

-Something bit me.
-Sorry.

Now order me around some more.

No, no, sweetheart, I'm serious.
Something just bit me.

Sweetie, I'm lying on a starfish
and I'm not complaining.

It's nothing, sweetie. Don't panic.
It's just a little bite.

Well, darling,
half my body's going numb.

Oh, my God. Which half?

The lower half.

Help!

Stay awake, honey. Stay awake.

Don't go unconscious.

-Please. You'll be okay.
-I feel, I feel terrible. I feel so sick.

Sweetie, fortunately
I know exactly how to deal with this.

Because the same exact thing happened
to Snapper on The Young and the Restless.

And Sally had to suck out
all of his poison.

I remember because it was sweeps.

And there was,
everything was going haywire.

Mrs. Chancellor was getting a face-lift
on national television.

-They paid for it. What?
-Sweetheart, I'm dying.

I'm going. I'm going.

Honey, how will I know where the bite is?

It's okay. It's not so bad.

Remember, sweetheart, don't swallow.
It could kill you.

You mean my mother was right?

-Miss Babcock.
-Miss Babcock.

It's been over a week.

Have you gotten any reports
from the Coast Guard?

I'm afraid not, but I am certain
that Maxwell Sheffield is still alive.

Miss Babcock, Isn't it true
that you were in love with him and felt

that it should've been your wedding?

No.

Excuse me, isn't true here,
that you were so bitter

that you wished them to die
a miserable and horrible death?

No.

You can tell the truth, my child
and the truth will set you free

and that's the truth of it.

All right, it's true. It's true.
I wished it.

I wished them dead!

I'm sorry, it's my fault. I confess.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Sorry.

-I'm sorry.
-Miss Babcock.

Miss Babcock.

I had a dream about Maxwell
and Nanny Fine.

You had a dream about my daughter?

Why can't I have a dream about her?

Why can't I get a feeling on her?

I feel nothing.

This is my fault.

Don't you see? I wished it to happen.

Miss Babcock, please. If just wishing
could make someone dead, then...

well, do I really need
to complete the thought?

Why hasn't the Coast Guard called?

I'm gonna call Morty and tell him
to bring my nightgown. I'm sleeping over.

Is that really necessary?

Well, actually, I could sleep
in the nude...

but there's the boy.

If the Coast Guard won't find them,

then I will.

C.C. Babcock doesn't give up.

I have stuck by Maxwell
through 16 girlfriends and two dead wives.

One dead wife.

I will find Maxwell Sheffield.

And?

I'll bring him home.

You've got to give a little

Take a little

And let your poor heart

Break a little

That's the story of

That's the glory of love

As long as there's the two of us

We've got the world and all its charms

And when the world is through with us

We've got each other's arms

You've got to win a little

Lose a little

Darling, I'm feeling so much better.

Where?

You know, what I think I'm ready for?

Same thing that I'm ready for,
God willing?

Max, I was so scared I was gonna lose you.

No. You're never gonna lose me.

I love you so much.

I love you.

That's the story of

That's the glory of love.

I'm afraid, we have to start
heading back now.

What? You told me this eggbeater
could stay up for six hours at a time.

I'm sorry, ma'am, the more weight
you carry, the more fuel you burn.

You see anything?

If she were, say, to fall out...

how much time would that buy us?

-I heard that.
-Well, this is your fault.

You had to come
and bring this big bag of candy.

My blood sugar drops at high altitudes.

It's prescription dark chocolate.

You and your stupid family
had to come into our lives, didn't you?

Well, why don't you go back
to the nuthouse where you belong?

Ladies, ladies, ladies.

Your loved ones are missing.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I just can't connect with my daughter.
I can't get a feeling if she's alive.

I can't feel if she's in pain.

I can't feel!

Max. Max. Max.

Max, Max, Max.

Mr. Sheffield!

Wait. I got a feeling. She's alive.

And she's happy.

Well, really, what choice did I have?

I mean, it was either watch the man
that I love die or suck the poison.

And you know, how I know how to do this,
don't you?

Because she's seen on
The Young and the Restless,

where Sally sucked poison out of Snapper
after he found out he was...

Well, why don't you tell the story,
darling?

You tell it so much better than I do.

What's the point?
Really, it's already been told, hasn't it?

Sir, it's just so good to have you back.

I don't know what I would've done
if you hadn't returned.

Only take the jacket
that goes with my pants.

Sir.

There's a jacket?

We were so scared.
We thought we'd never see you again.

Oh, my God, we thought about you guys
every single second.

You were all we had on our minds.

Absolutely. Consumed our every thought.

You know, what kids?

We love you guys so very much

but would you mind, if we finish
the rest of this in the morning?

I mean, your father
and I are just exhausted.

Yes. It was, it was such an ordeal.
It really was. I--

I'm not even sure I'm gonna be able
to drag myself up the stairs.

He's so tired.

-We'll talk in the morning.
-In the morning.

-Good night.
-Good night.

We love you guys.