The Nanny (1993–1999): Season 5, Episode 6 - A Decent Proposal - full transcript

Maxwell, I have found the perfect subject
for our one-person play.

Your sex life.

Niles, I didn't recognize you.

Wait. Stand in Maxwell's shadow.

C.C., I've told you, I'm really not very
keen on the idea of a one-person show.

Maxwell, come on. It's a sure thing.
It's cheap, it's easy--

And still he won't ask me out
on a second date.

Would you change your mind if the star
of this show were Chevy Chase?

Oh my God, I love Chevy Chase.
I have seen every one of his movies.

Vacation, European Vacation,
Vegas Vacation.

He is very versatile.



Well, it's certainly true.
He's very popular.

All right, C.C., tell you what,
why don't you run with it?

Great! He's playing in Atlantic City
this weekend.

I'll set up a meeting for us.

I love Atlantic City!

You know, Ma just gave me a coupon,

you can get a complete prime rib dinner
for 17 cents.

Seventeen cents?

Well, it comes with a fine Chablis.

-Nanny Fine.
-Yeah?

Why don't you fry up a Sizzlean
and whip out the Monopoly game

'cause that's as close to the Boardwalk
as you're getting.

Miss Fine, what Miss Babcock is trying
to tell you, in her own delicate way,

is that this is her strictly
a business trip.



Yep.

That's fine. I've got a date
Saturday night, anyway.

A date?

Yeah. He's a very nice looking guy.

No gray hair, so...

I just realized, of course,
you're gonna have to come to Atlantic City

to take care of the children.

Maxwell, this is my project.
I am in charge.

And there aren't gonna be any children

and there's certainly not gonna be
any butler.

-Well, I want the children to come.
-Okay.

-And I'll need a butler.
-Fabulous.

Good.

It's all settled then.
Niles, you make the arrangements.

Ms. Fine, you'll have to cancel that date.

Fine.

Hello, George Clooney?
Yeah, Saturday's off.

She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, Queens

'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenes

What was she to do, where was she to go?
She was out on her fanny

So, over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffields' door

She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more

She had style, she had flair
She was there

That's how she became the Nanny

Who would have guessed
That the girl we described

Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?

-Now the father finds her beguiling
-Watch out, C.C.

-And the kids are actually smiling
-Such joie de vivre!

She's the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tan

The flashy girl from Flushing
The Nanny named Fran

Welcome to Trump's Taj Mahal Resort
and Casino.

Would you look at all this glitz.

Stunning.

May I have your last name, sir?

Good luck,
I've been waiting five years for it.

Now, that's a real woman.

Not the parts you're looking at, honey.

So are you here for the casino
or for the shows?

Actually, I'm here to take care
of the children. That's my job.

Why the sour puss?

You're in a hotel, full of drunken men.

Who've been up gambling for 72 hours.

You could get lucky.

You think?

Anyway, when I go home tonight,

and I'm relaxing and lying in my Jacuzzi,

testing some wines with my wife, Marv,

I will be thanking the Lord
that none of you know where I live.

Thank you and good night. Thank you.

How is he hysterical.

I'm so sorry that Niles is missing this.

Where is Niles, anyway?

He said he didn't feel well.

He went up to his room.
He thought he had a temperature.

I'm hot. Come on, seven. Come to papa.

Seven, seven, seven.

-Seventeen is the number.
-No.

-Yes.
-No.

Don't touch the wheel, sir.

-This game is rigged.
-Security!

Kidding. Kidding.

I just can't get over what a riot
that Chevy Chase is.

You know, I've had a crush on him
since Saturday Night Live.

Miss Fine, weren't you little too young
to be watching that?

Well, not if you consider...

three young.

Excuse me, ma'am.

The gentleman you've been sending
the drinks to all night,

he said he's had enough.

I'll be the judge of that.

Hi. I'm Fran Fine.

-Chevy, you were so incredible.
-Thank you.

Maxwell Sheffield.
It's a pleasure to meet you, Chevy.

Mr. Chase is good.

What a sense of humor.

No, I'm serious.

But how come you let her call you Chevy?

Well actually, she called me,
"Chevy, you were so incredible"

which happens to be my full name.

Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow at the
casino and we'll talk about the show.

-Okay, thank you, Chevy
-All right.

-...you're so incredible.
-All right.

I think, I just felt someone's lips.

Right here.

Good night. Nice meeting you, Mitch.

Maxwell.

B, have you seen Niles anywhere?

-Nope
-Well, wait a minute. Where're you off to?

To a show.

What kind of show?

You know, some craft show called...

String and Paste.

-String and Paste?
-Yeah, String and Paste.

Let me see that.

"G-strings and pasties"?

-I thought it was a typo.

Yeah well, how did you expect to even get
into this? What do you have, a fake ID?

Yeah, I went to the guy that took 10 years
off your license.

It cost me 15 bucks.

I am horrified.

I paid 25.

Let me see yours.

Now I know, why mine cost more.

Mine's laminated.

It doesn't tear.

Go see Muppets On Ice.

Bye.

Niles, have you been up gambling
all night?

Leave me alone. I won a hundred dollars.

Well, how much did you put in?

Three hundred dollars.

Niles, after all the money that you lost
on the cruise,

I can't believe, you haven't learned
your lesson.

-Give me your wallet.
-No, I'm a mature, responsible adult.

That's not fair.
The Wilsons let their butler gamble.

You're such a meanie. I hate you.

Well, now, Mr. Smart-mouth,

you can just march yourself upstairs
and go to bed.

Go ahead. You know you can't win
at these things.

Everything you make you put back in.
What's the matter with you?

I won, I won, I won.

Honey, you wanna get me an Apricot Sour
and make it sweet?

Excuse me.

My daddy's in the shower
and I just locked myself out of our room.

Thank you.

Good girl, sweetie.

Okay, hold on to my stuff

and I'm gonna go in
and get Niles' wallet back.

Okay, I copped a conditioner
and a couple of mints.

The torch has been passed.

Come on, three cherries. Come to Papa.

No, you don't have a gambling problem.

Wait, now, where is your wallet?

I'll just get it.

You keep your wallet
in your front pocket, don't you?

I'm getting lucky.

-Hi, Chevy.
-Twenty-one.

Twenty-nine but thank you.

Player wins.

How you doing?

A lot better now. You like to gamble?

Well, I'm betting everything I got
on a guy that took four years

to ask me on a first date,
so I guess that would qualify me as a--

Sucker?

Yeah.

-Player wins again.
-Thank you very much.

You know you have a beautiful face?

Have you ever thought about acting?

Are you deaf?

Player wins again.

-Hey, you're bringing me luck, Fran.
-Thank you.

Hey, I'm having a very big poker game
in my room tonight.

I sure could use you by my side.

Wow! Chevy, you know,

I'm a nanny, so my first responsibility
really is to find a sitter.

Hello, Che-- Mr. Chase.

-Hi there, Billy.
-Maxwell.

Is this a good time to discuss the play?

No.

How about this evening?

I'm afraid I'm spending the evening
with your beautiful nanny.

Maybe you'll even get lucky.

I'm counting on it.

Niles.

Niles, wake up!

Wake up, old man. We have to talk.

Niles, Miss Babcock's moving in with us.

Why?

Niles, hypothetical question.

Let's say someone's down in the casino
and they ask a certain nanny,

if she would spend the night with him.

And she tells him, "He could get lucky."

-What do you think that means?
-Congratulations, sir!

Finally, after four years.

You know, to tell you the truth, I was
beginning to think you were a big weenie.

Not me, you idiot!

Chevy Chase!

I presume I'm fired?

Just go ahead and give me
my severance pay.

Preferably in five dollar chips.

Look at this from Chevy Chase.

It's that beautiful dress
that I saw downstairs in the boutique,

that I wanted to wear tonight.
But how did he know?

Because you took him into the boutique
and you said,

"This is the dress I wanna wear tonight."

But how did he pick up on the subtlety?

"Dear Fran. Meet me in front
of the baccarat room at 11."

He wants to buy me crystal.

That's sweet.

"Then up to my suite for the game."

-Miss Fine?
-What?

Give me back my wallet.

No, you are a compulsive gambler
and I will not be your enabler.

If you give it back,
I'll tell you something

about Mr. Sheffield
that you really want to know.

All right fair enough,
tell me what you got,

I'll tell you where your wallet is.

Mr. Sheffield is insanely jealous
that you are spending the night

with Chevy Chase and thinks
that you are going

to end up in bed together.

He's insanely jealous.

-I bet, I know, where he got that idea--
-The wallet, baby. The wallet.

Well, I'll give you a hint.

I gave it to somebody
that's really gonna enjoy having

this power over you.

Babcock.

Next time someone asks
for an extra Twinkie in their lunch,

we'll see who gives me attitude.

Fran, I can't believe that Dad is jealous
of you and Chevy Chase.

Well, honey, just don't make it worse
by telling your father that Chevy got me

this really expensive, sexy gown.

And that I'm gonna be in his room tonight
at 11:15.

-Well, I wasn't gonna--
-Yeah, you were.

Hi, Gracie. How's the babysitter?

No, that's not really Diana Ross.

No, he's in the show here at the hotel.

Meanwhile, is your father on his way up?

Did he seem upset?

How awful.

Okay, good night, sweetie. I love you.

-Niles.
-Not now, Miss Babcock has my wallet

and I can't find her anywhere.

No, Niles, Miss Fine is in there
with Chevy Chase right now.

But, sir, a Lucky Seven is paying
$110,432.98.

Now, I'm beginning to think you might have
something of a gambling problem, old boy.

Nonsense, sir.

-Damn.
-What?

I just lost the trifecta.

Give me that!

Chevy.

Chevy, I'm so hot.

That's some great hand you got there,
baby.

Fran, I didn't bring you up here to talk.

I think, I'm not quite ready
for prime time players,

beginning to take advantage of Miss Fine,
right now.

I'll take that bet. What are the odds?

Care for a little sweet stuff?

Fran, take it off.

Fran, we can't play until you take it off.

Okay.

She's stopped talking. That's a bad sign.

Courage, sir, perhaps she just discovered
the mini fridge.

Fran, would you get me a Coke?

Yes. Yes!

Yes, Chevy.

I've gotta get in there.

Here, hold this. Get back. Get back.

I bet you I can do that, sir.

All right. I'll bet you $50. Go on, go on.

Can you spot me the 50?

Here.

It's open.

All right. That's it. I've had it.

She's leaving with me.

Now, what in God's name possessed you to--

Fold with three queens?

Mr. Sheffield, what are you doing?

Feeling like a huge ass.

Nothing personal.

Well, good night, gentlemen.

-Good night, Chev.
-Night, Fran.

Mr. Sheffield, I can't believe you barged
in there and carried me out.

It's so '50s.

Luckily, I'm an old-fashioned girl.

Well, I only did it, Miss Fine,
because I was concerned for your welfare.

You did not.
You did it because you thought

that I was in the arms of another man
and you got jealous.

Now, why can't you just tell me?

First, you tell me why a gentleman
in a sequined gown

is singing Grace to sleep
with "Ain't No Mountain High Enough".

Damn.

Give it to me, Babcock.

-Give what to you?
-Don't play coy.

I'm getting what I came for.

I'll tie you down if I have to.

Niles, you animal.

I've never seen this side of you.

What are you doing?

What do you think I'm doing?
I'm ransacking your drawers.

Well, are you looking
for something specific?

I have peignoirs, teddies...

A hand puppet.

I am looking for my wallet.

Niles.

You don't have to pay me.

Well, it's good to be home.

Told you, he'd say that.

You are such a worthless tool.

It's like an embarrassment
to have you as a relative.

You are amazing. Verbatim.

You know, I don't understand
this whole gambling thing.

Look at this.

Chevy sent me a hundred dollars'
worth of chips.

I thought, that he was sending me,
Pringles.

And I'll bet you're relieved it's money
and not food.

How long you know me?

You know, I can't believe,
I still don't know if Chevy-- Mr. Chase...

Chevy... is doing my show or not.

Well, you know, if you want,
I'd be happy to talk to him.

I mean, we did have quite a rapport
going there.

You know, that's not a bad idea.
I think I'll give him a call.

-See if I can get the two of you together.
-Okay.

Chevy, listen, would you like
to get together with Miss Fine?

No? Shame.