The Nanny (1993–1999): Season 5, Episode 14 - Not Without My Nanny - full transcript

Good afternoon, Miss Fine.

Good afternoon, Mr. Sheffield.

You know, the kids are at school,

Niles is shopping,

we could do it.

All right.

Hi, Fran.

Hi, Max.

You look beautiful, Fran.

Over 40,
and you can say it again so quick.

I'm home.



-Eyelash, right there. I got it Miss Fine.
-Thanks. Thanks.

Good cover there, "Max."

-Who told you about the first-name thing?
-The guy that owns the fruit stand.

How the hell does he know?

I'm making ambrosia tonight.

-Fran, guess what?
-What?

My friend Billy invited me
to spend term break

with his family in the Middle East.

That is so exciting, sweetheart.
You know, his father is royalty.

Yeah, he's the sultan of Koorestan.

Wow, gee, I wonder if he knows
my cousin Barry, the Waterbed King.

So, can I go, Daddy?
Maggie and Brighton are going away.

Sweetheart, as much as I'd like you to go
to Koorestan, it's very, very far away.

Yeah, honey.
We'll have a good time here.



The house will be empty.
It'll just be your father and me and--

You know, I don't think Niles
has ever been to the Middle East.

No, not Niles. I need him here.

I have a mountain of work to do.

I tell you what, Miss Fine.
Why don't you take her?

Excuse me, honey. You know...

I think this little girl will be
very disappointed

if she doesn't go with Niles.

Grace has never been anywhere
with Niles.

This little girl.

Honey, honey, honey. Go upstairs.

-Let me talk to your father.
-Okay.

I'm obviously being
a little too subtle here,

but with all the kids out of the house...

we could call each other Fran and Max
in every room of the house.

Tempting as that sounds, Fran,
this is a very busy time for me.

I have investors to entertain,

and I'd like to serve them something
other than Gino's Pizza Rolls.

One brunch, and I'm branded for life.

I don't understand
why you don't wanna spend time with me.

Wait, who said I don't wanna spend time
with you?

I have to earn a living.

Yeah, that's right. I have expenses.

You know, this year alone,
my food bill doubled.

Now, please let's not bring my mother
into this.

Oh, God!

I guess I'm going back to the desert.

But I might not return that quickly.

Our people tend to dilly-dally there.

-Fran, come on.
-Miss Fine!

You and Nanny Fine are having
a big old fight

about shipping her off to the Middle East.

-Who told you that?
-The garbage man.

She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, Queens

'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenes.

What was she to do, where was she to go?
She was out on her fanny

So, over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffields' door

She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more

She had style, she had flair
She was there

That's how she became the Nanny

Who would have guessed
That the girl we described

Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?

-Now the father finds her beguiling
-Watch out C.C.

-And the kids are actually smiling
-Such joie de vivre!

She's the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tan

The flashy girl from Flushing
The Nanny named Fran

I know, honey. It's just
that I keep running this fight

that I had with your father over
and over in my mind,

and I don't know how I'm gonna be able
to have a good time.

Wow. Is this place drop-dead gorgeous?

This is even more beautiful
than the Taj Mahal.

Fran, when were you in India?

Trump opened another one in India?

Now, this would be your room.

Miss Grace's room is connected
through that door.

Wow, you guys really went all out
at the Bombay Company.

Now, His Majesty the Sultan
is expecting you for dinner.

Okay.

And he requests that you both wear
traditional garb,

which you'll find in your closets.

Oh, boy!

Gee, do you have anything
that breathes a little bit?

Because I know that it's a dry heat,

but at 117 degrees,
any way you look at it, it's a schvitz.

Gracie, if I die tomorrow...

I can honestly say
I was treated like royalty.

We napped in satin sheets,
we bathed in lilac-scented water,

and even in Arabic,

ALF transcends the language barrier.

Gracie! I'm so happy to see you.

-Hi, Billy.
-Smile.

Fran, this is my friend, Billy.

Hi. My compliments on your beautiful home.

Who designed it?

It was built during the First Dynasty
by the Sultan Ali.

Wow, do you have his card?

Because my Aunt Ceil is thinking
of adding an island to her kitchen.

Billy, you said you had a camel.
Can we go see it?

Sure. But while you're here,

it's customary to address me
as Prince Mohammed.

But, Prince Mohammed,
your nickname at school is Goober.

His Highness, the Sultan...

King Hassan Ibn-E-Abdul Ali ibn Mutalib
Ibn-e-Muhammad--

It is a pleasure finally to meet
my son's American guests.

Miss Sheffield, Miss Fine.

-Hi.
-Welcome.

You know, you look exactly like...

like you do on the back
of the Koorestan shekel.

Yes.

Sometimes I like to make a bet
with someone,

so I can flip it in the air and shout,

"Tails or me!"

-Tails or me.
-That's a good one.

Can I take a picture of us?

I have it all set for self-timer.

Come on, everybody. Smoosh together.

Cheese.

I'll make copies for everybody.
It'll be a very nice memento.

Master Brighton, just because
your vacation plans fell through,

you don't sit around like a zombie.

This is the most exciting city
in the world.

Go out. There are parks,
museums, concerts.

Yeah. Can you move?
I can't see Yasmine Bleeth's butt.

Hello, I was watching that.

Well, now you're watching this.

You watching Clueless?
Wouldn't that be a little bit redundant?

Well, at least I'm not watching

the "women I'll never get
within 100 miles of" channel.

You know what? Shut up!
I'm so sick of this!

All right! That's it!

Everybody up and out,
or I will tell your father that you...

that you've...

God, you kids are dull.

Just go out and get something pierced!

Honestly, Niles. Am I the only one
who does any work around here?

I'm going to let that pass.

I know that you are angry
because you had a fight with Miss Fine.

And she has to understand
that I cannot just drop everything

to spend time with her.

Right. She has to understand
that men are the providers.

The warriors. The hunters.

I'm killing myself.
I didn't get tulips.

Why can't a woman be more like a man?

There's your prototype.

Your Highness,
this has been an incredible five days.

Thank you so much
for inviting me to this party.

You know, Fran?

I did not even think
I would have a chance to dance with you.

When Hosni Mubarak gets a few drinks
in him, he becomes quite the chatterbox.

Here.

Thank you.

Gee, you know, I love your pin.
It's so gorgeous.

Then it is yours.

No. No, I couldn't.

But you must.

It is customary in our country,
when a guest admires a possession...

she must have it.

Oh, did I say "pin"?

I meant "palace."

No, you know, it's very beautiful,
but it's really more my mother.

Then I think I should love your mother.

Now she's yours.

I'll be honest with you, Your Highness.

I really didn't wanna come here at first,

but I'm having a wonderful time.

Are you not homesick?

I was a little homesick,
but then I went downtown

and I found a Golden Arches.

I'll tell you, they'd make a mint selling
that "McShawarma" back in the States.

Thank you.

-Fran.
-Yes?

I have enjoyed your company immensely.

And my son, he adores you.

He is such a sweet boy.

I'll tell you, everybody has been so nice.
I'm gonna miss this place.

Then why don't you stay?

Well, you know I would, but...

I'm on a restricted ticket,

and that would mean another $72.50 if I--

No... no, no, no.

Fran, I mean why don't you stay
and live with us here in the palace...

forever?

Forever?

Oh, Your Highness.

Well, that would mean
that I wouldn't be home

in time for the last episode of Seinfeld.

I'll get it.

Hello, Sheffield residence.

Ma, I gotta talk to you.

How did you know I was here?

I got calls from Brighton, Maggie,
Niles, and Roger Clinton next door.

He said his pizza was never delivered.

He should thank me.

Chunky runs in that family.

Ma, I gotta tell you something
you're not gonna believe.

I think I just got a marriage proposal.

What?
You live with a gorgeous millionaire

who is this close to a son to me.

Who is this yutz?

The king of this country.

Is he tall?

Ma!

Six-one-ish.

The point is,
I'm in love with Mr. Sheffield.

Has he mentioned me? Does he miss me?

I have not seen him all week.

If I didn't know better,
I would think it was intentional.

Ma, I gotta go.

I think that's my lady-in-waiting
bringing me my Diet Pepsi. Bye.

Coming!

Your Highness!

What are you doing here?

I sent a message for you
to meet me on the veranda.

You meant my veranda.

'Cause, you know, there's like 200
verandas sticking out of this place.

You'll have to be more specific.

If this is awkward for you, I can leave.

No, no, you might as well stay.
I mean, you walked the two miles

down the corridor to get here. Come in.

I have come for my answer.

Will you stay?

You know, I am really, very flattered,

but we hardly know each other.

But I know you're beautiful...

intelligent...

charming.

And I know you're a king.

All right, we bonded.

The thing is, I'm really sort of involved
with Mr. Sheffield.

I mean Maxwell.

We are on a first name basis, you know.

It's just we don't say it in front
of other people is the thing.

We've only been together for five years.
We don't wanna rush these things.

Does that sound as pathetic to you
as it did to me?

The Englishman.

What can this man possibly offer you
that I cannot?

You know, you're offering me everything
that I have ever dreamed of...

but I can't stay. I...

I must say no.

I should warn you,
I do not give up easily.

I am a man
who does not like the answer "no."

Well, I'm sure I can't be the first girl
to ever say no to you.

I mean, what are you gonna do,
chop my head off?

Kidding!

What's that?

It's my present for Mr. Sheffield.
Next week is his birthday.

Why didn't you remind me?
You are just trying to make me look bad.

No. That would be gilding the lily.

Niles, hasn't Miss Fine even bothered
to call to check up on the children?

I believe they're all right, sir.

I guess it's time to get back to work.

Maxwell, I finished all our work
so we'd have some free time.

Isn't she a good girl?

But I can also be bad.

No, sir. No postcards
from Miss Fine, either.

Niles, what have I done?

I mean, what was she asking for after all?

Just to spend a little more time with me?

Maybe I should admit I was wrong
and ask her forgiveness.

No. That would be
the worst thing you could do.

It's weak.

You wanna get to her?

Make believe you're with another woman.

No, C.C., I'm gonna go upstairs
and call her right now.

Wait! Wait, I have a surprise for you.

Happy birthday!

I know it's a week early,

but I thought, you know,
you could use it now.

An airline ticket to Koorestan!

C.C., you are a hopeless romantic.

Niles, pack my bags!

I guess you're not the only one
who can be bad.

But, Fran, I don't wanna go home.
I'm having a blast.

And besides, Billy and I are even going
for a camel ride later.

Honey, I got an Aunt Gert at home
with a hump.

You can ride her
up and down Queens Boulevard all you want

once we go home.

Go to the armoire, get all my clothes.
I'm gonna get the tickets.

Where are the tickets and the passports?

Fran, all your clothes are gone!

All of them?

-Something's not kosher here.
-Honey, nothing's kosher here.

All right, listen.

You know what? You stay put.

I'm gonna go talk to the Sultan
and find out what's going on.

I'll be right back.

Honey...

I guess he really wouldn't take no
for an answer.

Boy, I don't wanna scare you, sweetie,

but I think we're being held hostage here!

Oh, my God, this is like that movie,
Not Without My Daughter.

Which, personally,
I think was a poor choice

to show on the plane over here.

Well, that guard might be good
at holding an AK-47,

but he sure ain't good
at holding his Snapple.

Fran, do you really think
this is gonna work?

Sure, sure. Honey, we'll just be casual.

We look like belly dancers. We'll waltz
our way out of here. Follow me.

Miss Fine, what are you doing?

"Staying Alive"?

Yalla, yalla!

Well, actually, you know, King,

we were looking for you

because we were gonna go into town,
maybe have a little lunch,

go visit the American Embassy.
Would you be up for something like that?

Miss Fine. Miss Fine! There you are!

-Daddy!
-Finally, I found you.

Mr. Sheffield!

What are you doing?
How did you get in the palace?

I just knocked on the palace door

and before I knew it, everyone's bowing
and scraping and kissing my ring.

I have to say, this is the friendliest
bloody country in the world.

Yeah, well, It's a little too friendly
if you ask me!

Hello. Maxwell Sheffield.

His Majesty, the Sultan King Hassan...

Hassan.

-Your Majesty.
-So...

This is the man you say I remind you of?

Really?

-I don't see it.
-I don't see it.

This man was holding us hostage here!

What do you mean, "hostage"?

Come now.

I reject you

and suddenly, I can't find my tickets
or my passport?

I had them locked up in the palace safe.

They're worth a lot on the black market.

And why was there a guard
outside of our door?

There were some terrorist threats.
I wanted to ensure your safety.

All right, Mr. Know-It-All,

how do you get the nougat
inside a 3 Musketeers bar?

Actually, it's a three-tiered process.

First, they turn the nougat into strips
and they heat the caramel--

Okay, okay.

I'm telling you, Mr. Sheffield

this man was forcing me to stay here
to be his wife.

Go on. Tell him, tell him.

Wife?

I wanted you here as my nanny.

Please. Well, what was all that talk
about me staying here forever, huh?

I have four wives.

Goober is not the end of the line.

Believe me, I have no romantic interest
in you whatsoever.

You are free to leave at any time.

Now would be good.

Well, I better go say goodbye to Billy
while I'm still in this outfit.

Mr. Sheffield, I know that I'm not crazy.

That king was coming onto me.

Well, of course he was, Miss Fine.
Of course he was.

Anyone could see he was smitten with you.

-Wasn't he?
-Of course he was.

He's a man.

And unfortunately,
some men are just not very good

at expressing their feelings.

And I could see right through that sultan.

Yes, you'd start as his nanny, all right.

You'd start working for him
for a few years,

and eventually you'd be
on a first-name basis and then...

one day he'd come to realize you were
more important to him than his work.

And then...

then he'd tell you he loves you.

And when does that happen?

Right now.

I love you.

What?

Fran...

I love you.

Ladies and gentlemen,
thank you for flying Koorestan Air.

We know you have a choice
when you fly.

So will the woman in 3-B,
who spent the last 17 hours

kvelling that her boss finally told her
he loved her,

please next time choose Qantas?