The Nanny (1993–1999): Season 4, Episode 11 - Hurricane Fran - full transcript

Against Maxwell's wants to have the "family" together, Fran decides to take a vacation at Christmastime with Val to the Caribbean. Fran and Val initially have a good time, until the initial storms associated with an impending hurricane hit the island. They still try to make the best of their vacation, until the hurricane gets to be too bad. They're scared for their lives. Back in New York, Sylvia and Maxwell are also concerned about Fran's safety. Fortunately the hurricane passes without major incident. Fran and Val return back to New York safe and sound. The vacation has at least achieved one thing: both Maxwell and Fran admit to themselves that they have strong feelings for each other. Meanwhile, C.C. is temporarily wheelchair-bound when she slips on Niles' just waxed floor.

Has anyone seen my
"tropical getaways" brochure?

You know, B, you didn't have to steal it.

I was gonna donate it to the library
under your mattress.

-Wait a minute. This isn't my trig book.
-Yeah.

Guys come up with the lamest excuses.

Oh, yeah, like when you told me that
you had that whisker burn

all over your face
from kissing my mother. Hello.

Fran, that really happened.

Oh, well, I'll give you that one.

I wish I could get away for the holidays,
but I just have so much work do.

Cheers. Gotta keep that nose so bright.



Don't you guide his sleigh that night?

I've gotta get that flu shot.

Fran, does this mean that
you won't be with us for Christmas?

No, sweetie.

Your father and I are taking
separate vacations this year.

You know, sometimes when two people
spend a lot of time together

and one's not willing to commit,

the other has to take the money that
she would've spent on her trousseau

and drown her sorrows in Bahama Mamas.

You know, it's okay, Fran.
It's not like you and Daddy are married

-or dating, or even--
-Babbling, sweetie.

Miss Fine, this is ridiculous.

We don't have to take separate vacations.

Look, I really think that
it'll be better for us



and I don't wanna argue about it
because my mind's made up.

Well, it's a shame.

I was thinking of chartering a yacht
and cruising off the Greek islands.

Well, nothing's set in stone.

Well, I'd like to discuss
this with you in private.

If that's all right with you two.

-Yeah, you talking to me?
-Did you say something?

Come on. Let's go to my office.

Whoa, Nellie.
Don't you know,

it's terribly impolite to listen in
on other people's conversations.

This from the man who posed
for the RCA dog.

Now, let go of me.
I don't wanna miss this.

All right, but be careful.
I just...

...waxed the floor.

She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, Queens

'Till her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenes

What was she to do
Where was she to go

She was out on her fanny

So over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffield's door

She was there to sell make-up
But the father saw more

She had style, she had flair
She was there

That's how she became the Nanny

Who would have guessed
That the girl we've described

Was just exactly what
The doctor prescribed

Now the father finds her beguiling
Watch out C.C.

And the kids are actually smiling
Such joie de vivre

She is the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tan

The flashy girl from Flushing
The Nanny named Fran

I just don't understand

why you're suddenly
taking a separate vacation.

What is the big deal?

It's not like we're one of those needy,
codependent couples

that have to spend every waking
moment with each other.

Right? Where you going?

I just think the holidays
are a time for us to be together.

Like a warm loving family.

Well, I got news for you.
A warm loving family

requires a legally binding certificate
registered with the state

and Pottery Barn.

Besides, what is this unnatural obsession

with you not wanting me
to take a vacation by myself?

Well, now I have absolutely no idea
what you're talking about.

No?

I'm taking the entire family on a cruise.

-Where you going?
-The Caribbean.

That's fabulous.

Just like me.

I know. We're coming with you.

What?

Now, Miss Fine, wasn't it your idea

that Brighton should have
a big bar mitzvah-like to-do?

Yeah, bar mitzvah on land.

We're desert people.
We don't like to get wet.

That's why we parted the Red Sea.

That. Well...

Why can't you just be honest,
Mr. Sheffield?

The reason why you don't want
me going on a vacation alone

is because you are terrified
that I'm gonna meet someone.

Yes, you are always sabotaging my dates.

That is ridiculous.

Every one of your dates I've been on,
I behaved like a perfect gentleman.

You know, Maxwell,
you're welcome to join us.

Oh, well, that sounds...

...terribly inconvenient.
Couldn't possibly. Good night.

Are you sure?

Well, actually...

-What kind of car does he drive?
-A limo.

-Town Car?
-Stretch. It's enormous.

Bigger than mine?

Oy, if it's so important to you,
whip yours out of the garage

and we'll have a limo-measuring contest.

All right, fine.

Take your vacation at some tacky resort
with its "tequila shooter night"

and, oh, yes, the big "Macarena" marathon.

For your information, this place
happens to be nothing like that.

It's very, very classy.

Oh, look, they've got
a strip limbo contest.

If that touches, is he disqualified?

Maybe from the contest.

Oh, my God!

-This is beautiful. It's paradise.
-Oh, Fran!

Hola and welcome, ladies.

My name is Rico.
Please, ladies, after you.

Oh, well, you know, Rico, in our country,
it's customary for the man to go first.

Really?

God bless America.

See, Fran, aren't you glad
you came with me?

You wouldn't be able to flirt with Rico
with Mr. Sheffield all over you,

dancing, smearing you with baby oil,
taking you for cocktails at sunset.

You know, Val, this is why my mother
never wanted me to play with you.

-Where's the paint?
-It's down there.

Why?

Well, you were in such
a rush to get up here,

-I felt so--
-It doesn't matter!

Let's just go down and get it.

Now, unlock your lever when I say three.
Have you got that, Val? Three.

Oh, my God! Val!

Fran, look at all these people.
We're never gonna get on the first bus.

Don't worry. I'll take care of that.

Can you believe that gorgeous,
two-bedroom apartment

on the corner there for only
400 bucks a month?

Oh, Val, could you believe
how stupid those people-- Val!

Oh, my God! A roach! A roach!

Well, take your shoe off and kill it.

-Val, this breeze is just fabulous.
-I know.

Come on, let's get out
of these bulky clothes.

Attention guests,
a small tropical depression

might be heading for the island.

So, there will be free cocktails
inside the Lido Pavilion.

-Free cocktails.
-What's it called?

Okay, that's canceled.

Get in!

Mr. Sheffield, a terrible hurricane
is gonna hit the island that Franny is on.

My baby is gonna die.

Sylvia!

Hold me. Don't be such a Gentile.

Sylvia, I know.

I've heard, but it's all...
It's gonna be all right. Come on.

It's times like this you look up
to God and ask, "Why? Why?"

Well, now, we can't ask why, Sylvia.
It's nature. It's random. It's--

No. Why don't you marry my daughter?

She'd be home safe with us right now.

Now, Sylvia, I appreciate you're upset

but I'd prefer not to discuss something

that's really between
Miss Fine and myself.

Make an exception.

How often am I here?

Here they are, Naomi and Wynonna.

Do I smell banana fritters
with fresh fruit compote?

No.

Could I?

Ma!

Miss Taylor, I'd like you
to meet my mother.

Sylvia Fine.

This meeting bestows an honor upon me

which is unparalleled within my universe.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I told them no salt!

-Oh, my God. Sun! Sun!
-Sun.

-Did I get anything?
-No!

Fran, I'm scared!
This is like a real hurricane!

Calm down, Val!

If it gets really bad, we could always
tie ourselves to something sturdy!

This will do.

If you hadn't waxed the stupid floor,
this never would have happened.

Oh, come on, don't be such a baby.
You're really getting the hang of it.

I'm hungry.

Well, it's your fault
for not showing up for lunch.

I was waiting
in the dining room for hours!

But I served upstairs in the solarium.
Why didn't you...

Oh...

You wouldn't be able to torture me
like this if I wasn't in this chair.

But you are, Babs, you are.

-Coffee?
-Yes, please.

No!

This is ridiculous.

I don't know why that
stupid store doesn't deliver.

They do.

Oh, dear, I wonder if I can catch her.

Miss Babcock.

Maxwell, darling, is that you?

Don't turn around.

I'm yours.

Tell me what you want me to do.

Cluck like a chicken.

What?

It turns me on.

Get out of my way.

Oh, Niles!

Oh, God, this thing is stuck!
How do I stop it?

Hold on, I'll get the manual.

-Niles, are you busy?
-Free as a bird, sir.

Niles! Niles!

Niles!

Hurricane Diane continues
to cut a path of destruction

and is bearing down
on the Caribbean. Stay tuned.

Niles, I'm awfully worried.

What if she dies?

Oh, I'll feed her eventually, sir.
I'm just screwing with her head.

I'm talking about Miss Fine.

What if something happens to her?

She'll never know how I feel about her.

-No one knows.
-No one?

Hello.

Niles, what am I gonna do?
These costumes are gonna be ghastly.

Was C.C. right?

Have I let my judgment be impaired
by my feelings for Miss Fine?

What feelings are those, sir?

-Well, you know.
-No, I don't, sir.

-Come on, Niles.
-But you'd feel much better

-if you just said it.
-Perhaps you're right.

-Maybe I should just admit that--
-Knock, knock.

Oh, wait!

Why is she throwing
herself at him anyway?

I mean, it's not as if she's never seen
a good-looking man before.

I've been known to turn a few heads
in my time. Right, Niles?

You're a brick... house.

Mighty, mighty.

What do I have to do
to convince her she's desirable?

Oh, sir, I'm sure
you'll think of something.

I mean, after all, you're a man,
she's a woman.

Fill in the blanks.

The children are at school.

She's lying on the sofa.

And if all else fails,
what would Pierce Brosnan do?

I don't know, Val.

-All right. Sela Ward from Sisters.
-Yes!

You are so good.

You know what? I'm gonna call
the family at home.

Let them know that we're okay.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield gave you his phone?

Gave, fell in my purse, who remembers?

Val, the room is gonna cave in!
We're gonna die!

Shouldn't our life be flashing
before our eyes?

Val, we're over 30, single,
and in bed with each other.

What life?

Those poor children.

They're gonna be lost without
my love and attention.

Did you find out who it is yet?

Honey, what did I tell you about snooping?

-That there should be a lookout.
-Good. Go wait in the hall.

Right.

A hickey, Maggie?

Did you really think that
you were gonna hide a hickey

from me with a little pressed powder?

You need oil-based concealer.

You know, just forget it.
It's too humiliating.

Well, what could be so humiliating
about being smaller in the locker room?

Master Willie is here with his nanny.

Now, honey, you go make an entrance
and check yourself like I taught you.

I'm fine.

Well, I am never coming back
to this place again.

I ordered room service a half an hour ago.

Do you see a fajita?

Get up. I saw you through the window.

-Wait. Miss Fine,
-Mr. Sheffield,

-this idea of taking a separate vacation
-This was a lousy idea.

was a horrible idea.

-I missed you dreadfully.
-I had a terrible time.

-And I'm so glad you're back.
-Let's never do this again.

-What? Nothing.
-What? Nothing.

The fact is, you're safe
and we're all together for the holidays.

Yes, and I am never leaving home again.

Unless, of course,
you're dying to take a trip.

Then we can always charter a yacht
around the Greek islands.

You know, Miss Fine, this will be
our fourth Christmas together.

It seems like only yesterday
you came knocking on our door.

-May I see your resume, please?
-Yeah, sure.

-Crayon?
-Lipstick.

Of course. What a lovely shade.

I hate her.

-Now, Brighton, let's not be hasty.
-Yeah.

I haven't even sung
"Climb Every Mountain" yet.

Miss Fine, you seem to have listed
the Queen Mother as a reference?

What? Let me see that.

Oh, no. That's not the Queen Mother.

That's my mother from Queens.

I can't believe that was four years ago
and still, I'm only two years older.

You didn't think that
I could handle this job

but I turned out to be quite
a professional.

While you're here, tell me,
should I take this back?

I think you should put it on.

I already had it on. It flattens out my--

Mr. Sheffield,
why didn't you say anything?

Well, I didn't notice.

You didn't... You know,
I'm beginning to wonder about you too.

I can't get it on. I'm stuck.

-Help me. Help me.
-Relax, Miss Fine, we'll get it on.

No, rip it out.

Mr. Sheffield. I'm so hot.

I can't do this standing up.

Let's get on the bed.

If you let me tell Miss Babcock
about this, I'll work free for a year.

Miss Fine, remember who signs your check.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
I'm not gonna hit you with this.

Fake out.

Friends?

All right, friends.

Come here.

Look, stop it! Don't! Stop!
Stop! Don't! No!

But, you know, Mr. Sheffield,
out of all the memories,

you know which one was my favorite?

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

Mazel tov.

You may kiss the bride.

Well, Miss Fine, that never happened.

I threw that one in for you guys.
Happy holidays.

Niles, I got you invited to Greece.
Why can't you just relax and enjoy it?

Well, I'm sorry, but I can't help feeling
that I left something on in the kitchen.