The Nanny (1993–1999): Season 3, Episode 6 - Shopaholic - full transcript

These credit card companies
want to know everything.

Married or single.

Hate that box.

Mother's maiden name.

Kennedy.

Miss Fine, wasn't lying on

my gold card
application enough?

Niles, I told you,
I was just trying to
make you sound better.

By listing my occupation
as Frasier's brother?

Meanwhile,
the guy won the Emmy.

They upped your limit.



(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Oh.

Fran...

Oh, my God, Val,
something horrible happened?

(FRAN GASPS)

Oh, God, Fran,
I'm so sorry.
Oh!

Somebody died?
Somebody famous?

Danny.

Danny Thomas, Danny Kaye.
Danny Bonaduce!

Oh, and he was so young!

Who would have thought
that he would have gone
before Ruben Kincaid?

Fran, I'm talking
about Danny Imperiali,

your ex-fiance.

Oh, him.
Well, when you got
to go, you got to go.



He didn't die.

He's getting married.

No! No! Danny, why?

Danny! Why Danny?
Why not me first?

♪ She was working
in a bridal shop
in Flushing, Queens

♪ 'Til her boyfriend
kicked her out

♪ in one of those
crushing scenes

♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go?

♪ She was out on her fanny

♪ So over the bridge
from Flushing
to the Sheffield's door

♪ She was there
to sell makeup,
but the father saw more

♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there!

♪ That's how
she became the nanny!

♪ Who would have guessed
that the girl we've described

♪ was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed?

♪ Now the father
finds her beguiling

♪ Watch out, C.C.!

♪ And the kids
are actually smiling

♪ Such joie de vivre!

♪ She's the lady in red
when everybody else
is wearing tan

♪ The flashy girl from Flushing

♪ The nanny named Fran!

NILES: So, anyway,
you didn't hear it from me,

but Fran starts guessing
Danny Thomas, Danny Kaye,

but Val meant Danny,
her ex-fiance,
who's worse than dead.

He got engaged.

You lie.

As if.

Niles, that is
quite enough gossip,
thank you.

Sorry, sir.
So who's Danny marrying?

Heather Biblo.
No!

That tramp that
stole him away
from Miss Fine?

Mmm-hmm.

But you didn't hear it from me.

Pass the cream.

Oy! I'm plotzing
from this news.

Well, this is going
to destroy Miss Fine.

Oh, look out.
Here she comes.
Everyone act normal.

I should serve.

Good morning, everyone.

Beautiful day, isn't it?

Now, Miss Fine,
we all know
what you're going through.

It's not healthy
for you to keep it
all bottled up inside.

You've got to let it all out.

Niles, you had to tell
everyone?

Meanwhile, if you're
so concerned about
my problem,

how come I don't see
any stewed prunes
on the table?

No, no, Miss Fine.

I'm talking
about your ex-fiance
marrying Heather Biblo.

Oh, that.
I could care less.

Let somebody else
comb the tangles
out of his back.

I'm telling you,
it doesn't bother me.

Oh, come on,
how long have
you people known me?

What's the first thing I do
when I'm upset?

Eat a box of Mallomars.

Uh, rent The Way We Were.

Ah, blame your mother.

Good answer. Good answer.
Good answer. Good answer.

Well, you see,
I haven't done anything

weird or bizarre
or out of the ordinary.

Who ordered a power drill?

Ooh, that would be me.

Right over here.

Oh, yes.

I am definitely
getting the matching
table saw for this baby.

Fran, if you're depressed,

buying things
won't make you happy.

Oh, sweetie,

you're a very wise
little girl, Gracie.

I'll buy you a toy.

Hey, if she's happy, I'm happy.

Miss Fine, what on earth
are you going to do with
a power drill?

(WHIRRING)
Oh, well,
I'll find some use for it.

Like what?

Uh, latte.

♪ My mama told me,
"You better shop around"

♪ Shop

♪ Ooh, yeah,
you better shop around

♪ Shop, shop

♪ My mama told me,
"You better shop around"

♪ Shop

♪ Don't let
the first one get you

♪ Oh, no,
'cause I don't
wanna see her with you

♪ Before you let him
hold you tight

♪ Hey, yeah,
make sure she's all right ♪

FRAN: Okay, honey,
there's one more place
we gotta check out.

Jersey.

Fran, I'm tired.
I can't shop any more.

Oh, what are you, an amateur?

We haven't even hit
Ann Taylor's,

Contempo Casuals
or the Limited.

Hop on my back.
Hop on my back.

Fran, you're scaring me.

You buy something every time
you mention his name.

Whose name?
Danny.

Oh, could I have this
in mushroom, please?

Fran,
I think you're upset
because Danny's engaged.

Oh, you are so off base,
Gracie.

Oh, would you look at
how gorgeous this dress is!

I wish it came in black.

Oh!

(EXCLAIMING)
Donna Karan Lounge Wear,
third floor.

Giorgio sale, on two.

Makeovers at our
Prescriptives counter.

(EXCLAIMING)

Fran, I think
you have a problem.

Oh, you're not kidding, honey.

Look at those animals
over there.

They're all grabbing
at the fake Gucci belts.

Sweetie, work with me.
Work with me.

Help, help, help!
I had shellfish,
and I'm allergic.

Help! Help!

Grab the belts.

Help, help, help, help!

The suedes, the suedes.

Niles,
what the devil
are those things?

Brrr Animals freezer treats.

It's our hostess gift
for throwing
the Tupperware party.

What? Here?

Yes. Didn't Miss Fine
tell you?

No. Well, if she had,
I never would have
agreed to it.

Then she made the right choice.

Anyway, Val is now
selling Tupperware,
and I thought...

It's all right, Niles.
Just spare me the details.

All right.
But it's about
Danny and Heather Biblo.

All right, Niles.
Come on, dish.

Well, you didn't hear it
from me,

but Heather wants Val
out of the bridal shop,

so Danny fired her.

He didn't.
He did.

Danish ring?
No. I'm watching.

Mmm.

Speaking of,
Val gained back
the five pounds she lost.

Well, I was going to say...

Oh, no, sir,
I would wait
until they thaw a bit.

Otherwise,
they stick to your tongue.

Oh, these look yummy.

Have one.

Mmm.

(EXCLAIMING)

(MUMBLING)

Niles, what did she say?

I believe she just quit, sir.

(MUMBLING)

(EXCLAIMING)

C.C., I can't understand
a word you're saying.

She's very uncomfortable
in that dress, sir,

and should never
have tried to squeeze
into a size 6.

She said that?

No. But isn't it obvious?

I'm gonna kill you.

Oh, all right, all right.

Just go outside
and stick your tongue
out in the sun.

Really?
Mmm-hmm.

All right.

Niles, why didn't you tell her,

"Just put some
hot water on it"?

Because it's not
nearly as funny.
Look.

Check this out.

Do I look like I'm ready
for the giant shalom or what?

That's slalom, Miss Fine.

And why
did you buy a ski outfit
when you don't even ski?

What ski? If I even make it
out of the lodge in this,
it's going back.

I got you some gifties.

Oh, thank you.
What's all this for?

Oh, you know, I was just out,

so I decided to pick up
a few little trinkets.

Fran, the man wants to know
where to put the Soloflex.

Oh, does--does he look like
the guy in the commercial?

Uh-huh.
I'll show him.

Daddy, I'm worried about Fran.

She's compensating
for feelings of inadequacy

by acting out with
obsessive-compulsive
behavior.

Now, Gracie, you spend
more time in therapy
than Daddy does,

so once again, small words.

She's nuts.

(LISPING)
Maxwell, what
Gracie is trying to say

is that the woman's
a shopaholic.

Sorry. Freezer burn.

07-31, right.

Expiration date?

My guess, any second.

Hello?

(MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)

Oh, come on in,
Mr. Sheffield.

Wow! Would you look
at the way that steak
just defrosted?

Boy, I gotta get me
one of those.

Miss Fine, we're all
a little concerned

that your shopping's
got a bit out of hand.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

I only bought stuff
that I absolutely needed.
Watch out for the saddle.

Miss Fine,
look at all this junk!

You've got towel racks
and a pasta maker,

a box of hair coloring.

Hair coloring?
How did that get there?

I don't use that.

Miss Fine, this is serious.

You're a shopaholic.

Oh, no.

No, I'm not. I'm not.

I'm just a social shopper,
you know,

once, twice a day
just to take the edge off.

Miss Fine,
it's obvious to all of us
that you are in, uh...

Denial.

...denial.

Is there a history of shopping
in your family?

No, no. I mean,
you know, my dad would,

after work, stop off
and pick up a couple
of things with the boys.

Did you start shopping
as a teenager?

Well, all the girls
were doing it.

Do you have to make a purchase
first thing in the morning?

Huh?
Are holidays
especially rough for you?

Do you hide your purchases
around the house?

No, no.
It's not true, I tell you.

Miss Fine, you need help.

No, I don't. I don't.

I can stop whenever I want to.

It's just...
I like it.

I mean, when I go
to a department store

just filled with
shiny new things,

it's like all my problems
go away and I'm flying.

Miss Fine, look at yourself.

Oh, my God!

Mr. Sheffield, you're right.

I bought coral lipstick!

I'm sick.

I'm sick.
I need help.

Mr. Sheffield,
maybe you better send me
to one of those clinics,

you know,
where I could dry out.

Of course,
I'm gonna need
a couple of things.

Brighton,
what on earth are you doing

with a Victoria's Secret's
catalog?

I'm just getting the jump
on some Christmas shopping.

Could I have her?

Give me that.

I'll throw that away
for you, sir.

All right.
Now listen, everyone.

Miss Fine will be back from her

Shoppers Anonymous meeting
any second.

So let's have no more
talk of shopping. Okay?

Hi, everyone.

Oh, Niles,
that's far too much.
Take half off, would you?

Oh!

Oh, no, no. It's okay.

I don't want anybody
walking on eggshells
around me.

If I begin to falter,

I'll just say my little prayer.

God give me the serenity

to accept the things
that I cannot exchange...

Change!

That's all right, Miss Fine.

The important thing is
that you're getting help.

That's the first step
on the road to your recovery.

Well, actually, the first step,

according to
my 12-step program,

is to apologize

because my addiction
has affected all of you.

So, sorry.

Okay. Well, that was easy.

You know, she's right.

Fran's always
dragging me
into stores,

making me buy whatever
looked good on me.

That's not gonna stop, is it?

Margaret, you're not helping.

All right, Miss Fine,
what's step number two?

Uh...

It's-- It's all smudgy.
Let's move on to step
number three.

Oh, no.
It's perfectly clear.

"Cut up all credit cards."

Oh, no.
That can't be right.

It's too cruel.

I mean, they're like my kids.

See, this one's the oldest.
Gonna be 12 in June.

You should have seen
what this little guy
bought me for my birthday.

Just give 'em up,
Miss Fine.
No, no.

Oh, please,
just let me keep
the one with mileage.

I'm so close to Israel.

Miss Fine.
Oh.

(SOBBING)

Who goes first?

Oh, here.
I'll take this one.

It just gives me gas.

Oh, I'm not gonna make it.
I'm not gonna make it.

It'll be all right, Miss Fine.

You're just going through
withdrawal.

I need to buy something.

Oh, it hurts.

Oh, there she goes again, sir.

Oh, I just need
one fix of the QVC...

Oh, no.
...the QVC.

Joan Rivers' bumblebee pin.
That's all I need!

You hold her down, Niles.
I've got the credit card
receipt.

Oh, oh, oh! That's it.

Bloomingdale's.
That's the good stuff.

You'll be all right, Miss Fine.

I'll be with you tonight.

Oh, thank you,
Mr. Sheffield.

Ah, well, when I say
I'll be with you,

I mean, I'll stay with you.

I--I don't actually mean
I'll be with you.

All right.
You're not good
at moments, I see.

Sorry. I'm English.

Anyway, Mr. Sheffield,
I think that I'm over
the hump.

You go on to bed.
I'll be up in a few minutes.

Are you sure
you'll be all right?
Yeah. I'll be fine.

All right.
Good night, Miss Fine.

Good night, Mr. Sheffield.

Don't trust her, sir.
They get very sneaky.

They'll say or do anything
for a fix.

Oh, please, Niles,
we're talking about Miss...

She stole my wallet!

Miss Fine,
do you have my credit cards?
No.

Stay!

(GROWLING)

Give it to me.
Give it to me.
Give it to me.

Give it to me.
Give it to me.

Drop, drop, drop it.

That's a good girl.

(WHIMPERING)

Good. Good.

Yes. Yes.

(MOANING) Oh, I want it.

Give it to me.

Does it come in navy?

Miss Fine, wake up.
Wake up, Miss Fine.
It's morning.

We did it.

We did?

I didn't even feel anything.
Oh, but you were great,
Mr. Sheffield.

Oh, no, no. Miss Fine,

I mean you made it
through the night
without buying anything.

Oh, I did.

And you know, they say
that the first 24 hours
are the hardest.

So now the worst is behind me.

All I have to do
is avoid temptation.

Hi, Fran.
I'm here to set up
for the Tupperware party.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
hold me. Hold me.

Oh, Fran, I'm so sorry...

Niles, is the Tupperware
invasion over yet?
Huh?

Oh, sorry, sir.
Just admiring my bag saver.

It's for storing old bags.

Here, Miss Babcock's
always wanted her own office.

Niles, just tell me,
how did Miss Fine hold up?

Oh, she was fine through
the Jazzy Tumblers
and the RemarkaBowls,

when who should walk in
but Heather Biblo?

No.
Yes.

No.
Yes.

And she is out to here.

Preggers?
Well, you didn't hear it
from me.

Poor, Miss Fine.
She must be devastated.

Well, you would have been
very proud of her, sir.

She gave me a big hug

and then went straight
to her Shoppers Anonymous
meeting.

What?

Oh, very nice of her
to give you a big hug,
wasn't it?

Oh, yes. I thought...

Oh, stop her, sir.
I just cashed my check.

Do you know where she went?
Well, with what you pay me,

probably an outlet store
in Jersey.

But you didn't hear that
from me.

FEMALE ANNOUNCER ON PA:
Shoppers, the mall
will be closing in 10 minutes.

Oh, just one more
pair of earrings.

Don't you think
you've had enough?

Just a couple of hoops
for the road, lady.

There you are, Miss Fine.
I've been looking for you
for hours.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
go away.

I don't want you
to see me like this.

Okay.

Miss Fine,
this--this shopping
is purely symptomatic.

You're transferring
your feelings of loss
for Danny

by trying to fill
the void in your life
with--with things.

Have you been talking to Grace?

Yeah.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
it's not about
losing Danny.

It's about what it represents.

I mean, as long as he was
a single miserable loser,
I was happy.

But now he's getting married.

He's gonna have a family.

And what have I got?

I mean, the years
are passing me by,

27, 28, 29,

29, 29.

(SCOFFING)

Miss Fine, your time will come.

You're a wonderful woman,

and any man would be
thrilled to have you.

Well, I... I...

I don't mean exactly
have you. I mean...

All right, all right.
You're not good at moments,
I know.

Look, Miss Fine, I...
I know you want a family
of your own,

but, well, in the meantime,

do you think you could settle

for three children
who adore you

and a man whose life
would be very empty
without you?

Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
that's very sweet.

But even Danny,
who is the biggest
schnook in the world,

has found someone to love.

What if that
doesn't happen to me?

Don't you ever feel that way?

Yes, I...

I... Oh, I'm...

I'm terribly sorry, Miss Fine.

I... I really shouldn't
have done that.

It's... It's just that you
were so... And I was...

And you were...

Where?

Where are you, Miss...
Oh, my God, Miss Fine!

Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
what are you doing here?

Are you all right?

Well, what happened?

What?
You don't remember?

No.

Gee, I must have had
one of those shoppers'
blackouts.

You know, a girl in our group

had one the day
after Thanksgiving.

They found her
buried in a sales bin
of Calvin Klein jeans,

the Loose Fit.
How's that for humiliating?

Miss, I'm closing the register.

Would you like me
to ring these up?

Oh, sure.
If you don't mind,
just put them all in...

Oh, come to think of it...

Yeah, I don't think
I want them any more.

Gee, I don't know
what happened,

but whatever it was,
it was exactly what I needed.

You know, it's strange.

I think I'm over that
whole shopping thing,

but suddenly I've got
such an urge for a cigarette.