The Nanny (1993–1999): Season 1, Episode 18 - Sunday in the Park with Fran - full transcript
A play-date between Gracie and the child of a Broadway critic does not go well.
Well, tomorrow's opening night,
and we are completely sold out!
Thank God
Miss Fine has a large family.
Now all we need
is some good reviews
and I think we might just have
another hit on our hands.
Well, I have sent gift
baskets
to every critic in town.
Are you telling me
you're bribing the critics?
Trying to buy us a good review?
Good thinking.
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
my entire family is so excited
about being invited
to opening night.
They want 12 chicken dinners,
two prime ribs
and two kosher meals,
if it's not too much trouble.
Nanny Fine,
this is not dinner
theater.
No food?
Oy! Big mistake.
If you feed them,
they will come.
Well, if your relatives
won't come without a
feedbag,
I'll be happy
to give their money back
and sell their
tickets
on the street.
I'll drop you off
at your usual
corner.
Miss Fine, I can assure you,
your relatives
are gonna love the play.
It's a brilliant post-modern
exploration of despair.
No food and despair?
Jeez, it sounds like
my Weight Watchers meeting.
♪♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪♪
♪♪ In Flushing, Queens
♪♪ Till her boyfriend
Kicked her out
♪♪ In one of those
Crushing scenes ♪♪
♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪
♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪
♪♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪♪
♪♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪♪
♪♪ She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more ♪♪
♪♪ She had style, she had flair
She was there ♪♪
♪♪ That's how she became
The nanny ♪♪
♪♪ Who would've guessed
That the girl we've described ♪♪
♪♪ Was just exactly what
The doctor prescribed? ♪♪
♪♪ Now the father
Finds her beguiling ♪♪
♪♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪♪
♪♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪♪
♪♪ Such joie de vivre ♪♪
♪♪ She is the lady in red ♪♪
♪♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪♪
♪♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪♪
♪♪ The nanny named Fran ♪♪
Niles, what's all this?
I knew you and Miss
Grace
were going to the park.
You might like to take a picnic.
Oh, you doll, you!
The refrigerator's broken,
and if we don't eat
it,
it's garbage.
Tattle-tale.
Well, it sure beats
hanging out on the fire escape
with a can of franks and beans.
You had your picnics
on the fire escape?
Hey, with that menu,
we were better off outside.
Niles,
my little Chester's
hungry.
Make him something.
Poof!
You're a Doberman... attack.
Oh, Chester!
I haven't seen you
in such a long time.
Nanny Fine, please,
he doesn't like
strangers.
Oh!
Hi!
C.C., how come
your dog hates you?
Well, after all, he is a male.
Not for long.
She must get a group rate.
Niles, what's this basket
doing here?
It was supposed to go
to Frank Bradley, the critic.
It did.
He sent it back
with a snide note
saying that
he couldn't be bought
and if he could,
he'd cost more than
a tin of smoked oysters.
There has got to be some way
to get to Frank Bradley.
I know a Frank Bradley.
He's in
my arts and crafts class.
Maybe that's his son.
He said my ashtray
was "derivative."
That's him.
Oh, I was the queen
of arts and crafts.
Then one day I left
my favorite brush in the
shellac
and it hardened overnight.
I just walked away,
never looked back.
I have a fun idea.
Why don't we call up Frank Jr.
and invite him to go
to the park with you?
Because I hate
him.
He's a big bully.
He's always teasing me
and calling me names.
Oh, you know what they say:
Sticks and stones
can break my bones,
but bad reviews can kill you.
Miss Babcock,
she doesn't like the
kid.
You want her to play
with someone she doesn't
like?
If I had to like
every one of my friends,
I wouldn't have any.
I'll flip you for it.
Grace, dear,
Frank's father is going to
review our play on television,
and he can either make it
a big hit or a big flop.
She doesn't play
well
under pressure.
I'm shutting down.
All right, I'll do it myself.
You must have
that kid's number somewhere.
Where's all that school junk
you're always
bothering Maxwell with?
Would it be on
the, uh, Pitah phone list?
That's PTA, Mother Hubbard.
Ah!
Here it is.
"Pitah"! Ha ha!
Hello.
Is this Mr. Bradley?
We haven't met,
but your little Frank is
in the same class as my Gracie.
I'm not
hers.
Am I?
No, angel.
You don't shed your skin.
It is such a beautiful day
and we were wondering
if little Frank would like to go
to the park with Grace.
Marvelous!
You know, there is
a brilliant theater critic
by the name of Frank Bradley.
You are?
Oh, can that woman ever suck up!
Hmm.
If she came with attachments,
we could throw out the Hoover.
Come on, Gracie.
Move it along.
Freeze! There's
been
a change of plans.
You're taking Frank
Bradley Jr. to the
park.
Forget it! We're going
to the park by ourselves.
I forbid it.
Forbid? Is that the F word
I hear?
That's the F word?
What's the big deal?
Who's the nanny here anyway?
I was there
when this child was born.
Where were you?
In high school.
Ladies, ladies.
Isn't there a more grown-up way
to settle your differences?
I'm thinking mud wrestling.
Actually, there is
a more grown-up way.
I'm telling Maxwell on you.
Not if I get there first.
Brighton, block her!
Well, of course, we'd love
to have Mayor Guiliani there
opening night.
But please ask him
to leave his son at home.
All right, Thigh Master!
Oh, Mr. Sheffield...would please
explain to Miss Babcock
that I am in charge
of the children?
Well, of course
you're in charge.
And if Gracie doesn't want
to play with a little boy...
she doesn't have to?
No, of course not.
Miss Babcock, come in.
It's Frank Bradley's son.
On the other hand... What?
Well, it might be good
for Grace to play with him.
But she doesn't like him.
How does she know
she doesn't like him
if she doesn't spend
any time with him?
Ooh, that's good!
Yeah, it's important for Grace
to learn how to get along
with all kinds
of different people...
Even people she doesn't
particularly care for.
Too bad we didn't have this
conversation out in the
garden.
The plants would've
loved
the fertilizer.
Come on, Frank,
don't shoot at the
birds.
Oy!
Pow! Pow! Pow!
You call this a park?
I find it dull.
The scenery is totally lacking
in imagination.
Why did we have to bring him?
Well, the more the merrier...
Except when you're
talking
about chins.
My Aunt Miriam had more chins
than the Chinese phone book.
That joke's so old
I heard it onThe Flintstones,
which, by the way,
was a pale imitation
ofThe Honeymooners.
His father is a critic.
It's hereditary.
I'm bored. Give me some food
to feed the squirrels.
You don't need food.
Just lie down
and make believe you're dead.
My, does that kid have
a mouth on him or what?
Does he take after his father?
Who knows?
I met his father for five
minutes and that was enough.
Apparently.
I didn't want him,
next thing I knew
he was on his way,
and now I'm stuck with him.
I'm just furious
with Mr. Sheffield.
The little boy's father?
No, the little girl's father.
The little boy's
is Mr. Bradley.
You call them both "Mister"?
Well, I don't really know
either of them that well.
What?!
Oh, you think that me
and them are their...?
I'm the nanny.
Hey, Frank,
don't aim that at her.
Good boy.
You're very patient.
Maybe I should get a nanny.
Oh, you really should, with one
baby and another one on the way.
And two more at home.
Oh, honey, you don't need
a nanny. You need a hobby.
Stop it.
You're gonna make her bald!
Hey, Frank, quit it!
There's no hair club for dolls.
Frank, did you hear me?
Are you going to make
me walk over there?
He's gonna make me
walk over there.
Frank, get off me!
Oh, Calgon, take me away.
Giddy up, little donkey.
Fran, he's pulling my hair!
Frank, get off of her
before I count to three!
One...two...
two and a half...
two and three-quarters...
Three, three, three!
Oh, Frank!
Ow!
You hit me!
I did not!
Did so. I'm gonna tell
my father on you.
Oh, I'm really
shaking.
What's he gonna do?
I hear your boss
has a new play coming up.
Who are you?
Siskel and Ebert?
Niles, have you seen my yellow
notepad with all my notes on
it?
Not recently, sir.
Where did you have it last?
Why do people always ask that?
If I remembered
where I had it last,
I'd go there and get it and not
bother you about it, wouldn't I?
The mantle. I was pacing
and I left it on the...
Niles, you're a genius.
Honored to be the wind
beneath your wings, sir.
Hi! We're back.
How was the park?
Oh, you know, birds,
trees, muggers... The usual.
So, sweetheart,
did you and Frank Jr
have a good time together?
We hit it off.
We broke bread.
All right.
I'm glad.
And I really appreciate
you doing this
because, well, you know,
Bradley's father's review
could really make
or break our play
and we've worked so hard on it.
And it's not just me.
I mean, there's all kinds
of jobs at stake...
The cast, crew, ushers,
Old Pops at the stage door.
Oy, not Old Pops.
Telephone, sir.
It's Mr. Bradley.
Probably calling
to try and steal you away.
Oh, I might be available.
Hello, Frank.
What?
Well, uh,
I'm terribly sorry. I...
There must be some mistake.
No, no, Frank, there's
absolutely no reason
to bring any lawyers into this.
Uh, Frank.
Er, Frank?
Hello? Hello?
You wouldn't hit the woman
carrying your child, would you?
All right, I'm trying
to stay calm.
That's good,
because you are entering those
dangerous heart-attack years.
Miss Fine, you struck a child?
Struck a child?
Oh, God, let it be Grace.
It was little Frank Bradley.
Miss Fine hit him
with a baguette.
She nailed him.
Kapow!
Don't help, honey.
You can't nail someone
with a baguette
unless it's stale, of course,
or sourdough,
or a nice hard crouton
aimed at the Adam's apple.
Do you have any idea
what you've done?
Well, it's been a very busy day.
Can you be more specific?
I'll tell you what we'll do,
we'll invite Mr. Bradley
and his son over so Miss Fine
can apologize to them.
So even though the kid deserved
it, I'm gonna have to beg
and grovel and completely
debase myself?
Miss Babcock will show
you how it's done.
I don't think a gift basket
is gonna get us out of this one.
I may have to offer myself.
Might as well
close the play now.
Don't touch that door!
Is it just me
or does he need a
vacation?
We're conserving the cold
until that wretched repairman
gets here.
Now, tell me what you want.
You get one request.
Uh, milk.
Yogurt.
Miss Grace?
I'm not that hungry.
Suit yourself, but I warn you...
The door won't open until 6:00.
Okay, pudding.
Two seconds.
That's a new personal best.
This isn't pudding.
This is cocktail onions.
Well, I'd make you a martini,
but the ice has melted.
I know these measures
may seem a bit harsh,
but in order to ensure
that no more food spoils,
the refrigerator doors
must remain shut at all times.
P-yew, Niles, something
smells
like it died in here.
Oh, Miss Fine!
All right, I'll have a bagel.
Get back!
She's armed.
Put the bagel down
and step away
from the bread box!
This is all your fault, Niles.
You had to pack
that stupid baguette.
Baguettes don't hurt people.
People hurt people.
I can't believe Mr. Sheffield
is making me do this.
What are you complaining about?
All you have to do is apologize.
I have to make the refreshments.
Thank you, Niles.
It's so nice to know that
we're in on this together.
Well, meanwhile,
the caviar is sweating,
the brie is running
and my crudités is limp.
You know, they got
an operation for that
now.
I can't believe
that you're making me
apologize for something
when I really didn't do
anything wrong.
Look, Miss Fine, if you really
didn't do anything wrong,
just smile
and be charming and nice,
and lie through your teeth.
Oh, well, if you
put it that way,
I suppose I can make
believe
that I'm at a tax audit.
Hello, hello.
Maxwell, this is Frank Bradley.
Well, of course, it is.
Good to meet you, Frank.
Hello, Sheffield.
Oh, I do apologize
for this whole ugly mess.
I feel terrible.
Really?
I thought you'd be
used to disasters by now.
You certainly have
produced enough of them.
Oh, there's that Bradley wit.
Oh, and you must be Frank Jr.
Nice to meet you, young man.
Your hand's sweaty.
Nervous?
What a charming
little snot, uh...tot!
Miss Fine, don't you have
something you want to say
to Mr.
Bradley
and his son?
Yeah, but then I'd have
something else to apologize
for.
Miss Fine!
Oh, all right.
Okay.
Uh, Mr. Bradley,
things might've gotten
a little out of hand
at the park,
and whosever fault
it was... Not mine...
I suppose I would be sorry.
Well, that's that, then.
A heartfelt apology. Shall we?
Well, I think
it needs some work.
What do you think, son?
It left me cold, much
like
Robert Goulet in
Cyrano.
That's my boy!
How fast they grow up.
Soon he'll be closing plays
and destroying careers.
You must be very proud.
Well, I'd love to stand here
and grovel,
but I'm afraid
I have to walk the dog.
Chester!
Come on, boy.
Come on, boy.
Good boy. Yes!
Where do you want to go?
Oh, Pomerania.
Well, I'll get my coat.
That dog's ugly.
He's got beady little eyes
and a pointy little nose.
It looks like her!
They're from the same litter.
A finger sandwich?
Ew! What
idiot
made these?
I did. And they came
from a real little boy.
Yes, finger sandwich,
Mr. Bradley?
A man like you deserves a good
finger every now and then.
Sheffield, I can't believe
that you employ this woman.
She's rude, she's insolent,
and totally unfit to be a nanny!
And keep this damn beast
out of my eyes!
Ow!
Your dog bit me.
He's not my dog.
Yes, he is.
What?
That dog has absolutely
no connection whatsoever
to either myself,
Maxwell or our
play.
That dog is a menace to society
and ought to be put to sleep!
Sure. No problem.
Hey! Listen, Cruella,
nobody is touching this dog!
He's my dog.
I thought he was hers.
I forgot.
Maxwell gave him to me
for my birthday.
It was a gift from the heart,
so if I want to kill him I can.
Niles, quick!
Get a bucket of
water.
Let's see if she melts.
Sheffield, if you want
to avoid a lawsuit
I suggest
that you muzzle that dog
and muzzle the nanny as well!
You know, Frank,
I'm getting bloody
tired
of kissing up to you.
I'm not.
Let me do
it.
Miss Fine was right
from the beginning.
I should never
have
forced my little
girl
to play with your son.
Quite clearly, he
deserved
everything he got.
I don't care what you
think
about my play,
and, frankly, I don't
care
much for you either.
Now, let me show you the door.
It's over there.
Son, let's go!
You'll never work
in this town again!
Oh, Mr. Sheffield, you know,
it takes you a while,
but when you see the light, boy,
you just jump on that
white horse and you go.
And you, my little
fluffy protector,
you were just
like Kevin Costner
inThe Bodyguard.
Except you
have a better haircut.
Oh, I thought the
play
was just excellent.
Put in a seafood buffet
and you've got yourself a
hit.
Miss Fine, if you
enjoyed it that much,
how come you snuck out
before the curtain call?
Well, because nature called.
And by the way,
not to knock your
theater,
but two stalls, 600 women...
It's like Tokyo in there.
I hate waiting for reviews.
My stomach has been in knots
all day long.
Oh, we really don't have
anything to be concerned about.
I mean, whatever
else
he might be,
Frank Bradley is a professional.
Right.
He's not gonna let
his personal feelings
get in the way of his judgment.
We're doomed.
I thought these pictures were
supposed to be of famous people.
Who's Ethel Merman?
Never heard of her.
How about Mary Martin?
Beats me.
Hey, hey, how about
this one? Groucho Marx.
Oh, he must be
Marky Mark's grandfather.
Oh, look!
Here it is, here
it is!
Oh, I can't look.
Just tell me which way
his thumb is pointing.
Well, it's time
for
Unfortunately, Frank Bradley
is out with food poisoning
tonight.
The finger sandwiches.
I ate the finger sandwiches.
Oops!
That darn refrigerator.
So, we went right to the theater
to get the opinion
of the common man.
Hi!
Fran, that's you!
I know. Do I look
a little chunky?
I loved it.
It was a masterpiece!
Compelling, riveting...
A sheer enchantment.
Two thumbs up.
Bartender, I think there's
something wrong with your
set.
I sound so nasal.
It was a perfect
evening of theater,
although adding a few stalls
to the ladies' room
wouldn't kill them!
Hi, Ma! Hi!
Hi, Daddy!
Well, it looks
like a hit to us.
Oh, thank you, Miss Fine!
Oh.
Any time,
Mr. Sheffield.
Any time.
Well, that makes it official.
Our final perishable
has perished.
And there's the repairman,
in the nick of time.
Well, listen, the man
is highly in demand.
This is a very sensitive
piece of equipment.
Who you gonna call?
Frost Busters.
Yeah, I'll just have a look
at the old Frigidaire.
Well, actually, it's a Sub-Zero.
Not anymore.
Could be a condenser problem.
I think you got a crack.
We got a crack.
Mmm.
You know, I think
these repairmen
must all shop at the same store.
Yeah, the Gap.
Oh, thank you so much!
And I'd like you all
to please thank my dear friend,
a man that I'll kiss any day
on both cheeks,
Mr. Dan Aykroyd!
and we are completely sold out!
Thank God
Miss Fine has a large family.
Now all we need
is some good reviews
and I think we might just have
another hit on our hands.
Well, I have sent gift
baskets
to every critic in town.
Are you telling me
you're bribing the critics?
Trying to buy us a good review?
Good thinking.
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
my entire family is so excited
about being invited
to opening night.
They want 12 chicken dinners,
two prime ribs
and two kosher meals,
if it's not too much trouble.
Nanny Fine,
this is not dinner
theater.
No food?
Oy! Big mistake.
If you feed them,
they will come.
Well, if your relatives
won't come without a
feedbag,
I'll be happy
to give their money back
and sell their
tickets
on the street.
I'll drop you off
at your usual
corner.
Miss Fine, I can assure you,
your relatives
are gonna love the play.
It's a brilliant post-modern
exploration of despair.
No food and despair?
Jeez, it sounds like
my Weight Watchers meeting.
♪♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪♪
♪♪ In Flushing, Queens
♪♪ Till her boyfriend
Kicked her out
♪♪ In one of those
Crushing scenes ♪♪
♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪
♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪
♪♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪♪
♪♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪♪
♪♪ She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more ♪♪
♪♪ She had style, she had flair
She was there ♪♪
♪♪ That's how she became
The nanny ♪♪
♪♪ Who would've guessed
That the girl we've described ♪♪
♪♪ Was just exactly what
The doctor prescribed? ♪♪
♪♪ Now the father
Finds her beguiling ♪♪
♪♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪♪
♪♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪♪
♪♪ Such joie de vivre ♪♪
♪♪ She is the lady in red ♪♪
♪♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪♪
♪♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪♪
♪♪ The nanny named Fran ♪♪
Niles, what's all this?
I knew you and Miss
Grace
were going to the park.
You might like to take a picnic.
Oh, you doll, you!
The refrigerator's broken,
and if we don't eat
it,
it's garbage.
Tattle-tale.
Well, it sure beats
hanging out on the fire escape
with a can of franks and beans.
You had your picnics
on the fire escape?
Hey, with that menu,
we were better off outside.
Niles,
my little Chester's
hungry.
Make him something.
Poof!
You're a Doberman... attack.
Oh, Chester!
I haven't seen you
in such a long time.
Nanny Fine, please,
he doesn't like
strangers.
Oh!
Hi!
C.C., how come
your dog hates you?
Well, after all, he is a male.
Not for long.
She must get a group rate.
Niles, what's this basket
doing here?
It was supposed to go
to Frank Bradley, the critic.
It did.
He sent it back
with a snide note
saying that
he couldn't be bought
and if he could,
he'd cost more than
a tin of smoked oysters.
There has got to be some way
to get to Frank Bradley.
I know a Frank Bradley.
He's in
my arts and crafts class.
Maybe that's his son.
He said my ashtray
was "derivative."
That's him.
Oh, I was the queen
of arts and crafts.
Then one day I left
my favorite brush in the
shellac
and it hardened overnight.
I just walked away,
never looked back.
I have a fun idea.
Why don't we call up Frank Jr.
and invite him to go
to the park with you?
Because I hate
him.
He's a big bully.
He's always teasing me
and calling me names.
Oh, you know what they say:
Sticks and stones
can break my bones,
but bad reviews can kill you.
Miss Babcock,
she doesn't like the
kid.
You want her to play
with someone she doesn't
like?
If I had to like
every one of my friends,
I wouldn't have any.
I'll flip you for it.
Grace, dear,
Frank's father is going to
review our play on television,
and he can either make it
a big hit or a big flop.
She doesn't play
well
under pressure.
I'm shutting down.
All right, I'll do it myself.
You must have
that kid's number somewhere.
Where's all that school junk
you're always
bothering Maxwell with?
Would it be on
the, uh, Pitah phone list?
That's PTA, Mother Hubbard.
Ah!
Here it is.
"Pitah"! Ha ha!
Hello.
Is this Mr. Bradley?
We haven't met,
but your little Frank is
in the same class as my Gracie.
I'm not
hers.
Am I?
No, angel.
You don't shed your skin.
It is such a beautiful day
and we were wondering
if little Frank would like to go
to the park with Grace.
Marvelous!
You know, there is
a brilliant theater critic
by the name of Frank Bradley.
You are?
Oh, can that woman ever suck up!
Hmm.
If she came with attachments,
we could throw out the Hoover.
Come on, Gracie.
Move it along.
Freeze! There's
been
a change of plans.
You're taking Frank
Bradley Jr. to the
park.
Forget it! We're going
to the park by ourselves.
I forbid it.
Forbid? Is that the F word
I hear?
That's the F word?
What's the big deal?
Who's the nanny here anyway?
I was there
when this child was born.
Where were you?
In high school.
Ladies, ladies.
Isn't there a more grown-up way
to settle your differences?
I'm thinking mud wrestling.
Actually, there is
a more grown-up way.
I'm telling Maxwell on you.
Not if I get there first.
Brighton, block her!
Well, of course, we'd love
to have Mayor Guiliani there
opening night.
But please ask him
to leave his son at home.
All right, Thigh Master!
Oh, Mr. Sheffield...would please
explain to Miss Babcock
that I am in charge
of the children?
Well, of course
you're in charge.
And if Gracie doesn't want
to play with a little boy...
she doesn't have to?
No, of course not.
Miss Babcock, come in.
It's Frank Bradley's son.
On the other hand... What?
Well, it might be good
for Grace to play with him.
But she doesn't like him.
How does she know
she doesn't like him
if she doesn't spend
any time with him?
Ooh, that's good!
Yeah, it's important for Grace
to learn how to get along
with all kinds
of different people...
Even people she doesn't
particularly care for.
Too bad we didn't have this
conversation out in the
garden.
The plants would've
loved
the fertilizer.
Come on, Frank,
don't shoot at the
birds.
Oy!
Pow! Pow! Pow!
You call this a park?
I find it dull.
The scenery is totally lacking
in imagination.
Why did we have to bring him?
Well, the more the merrier...
Except when you're
talking
about chins.
My Aunt Miriam had more chins
than the Chinese phone book.
That joke's so old
I heard it onThe Flintstones,
which, by the way,
was a pale imitation
ofThe Honeymooners.
His father is a critic.
It's hereditary.
I'm bored. Give me some food
to feed the squirrels.
You don't need food.
Just lie down
and make believe you're dead.
My, does that kid have
a mouth on him or what?
Does he take after his father?
Who knows?
I met his father for five
minutes and that was enough.
Apparently.
I didn't want him,
next thing I knew
he was on his way,
and now I'm stuck with him.
I'm just furious
with Mr. Sheffield.
The little boy's father?
No, the little girl's father.
The little boy's
is Mr. Bradley.
You call them both "Mister"?
Well, I don't really know
either of them that well.
What?!
Oh, you think that me
and them are their...?
I'm the nanny.
Hey, Frank,
don't aim that at her.
Good boy.
You're very patient.
Maybe I should get a nanny.
Oh, you really should, with one
baby and another one on the way.
And two more at home.
Oh, honey, you don't need
a nanny. You need a hobby.
Stop it.
You're gonna make her bald!
Hey, Frank, quit it!
There's no hair club for dolls.
Frank, did you hear me?
Are you going to make
me walk over there?
He's gonna make me
walk over there.
Frank, get off me!
Oh, Calgon, take me away.
Giddy up, little donkey.
Fran, he's pulling my hair!
Frank, get off of her
before I count to three!
One...two...
two and a half...
two and three-quarters...
Three, three, three!
Oh, Frank!
Ow!
You hit me!
I did not!
Did so. I'm gonna tell
my father on you.
Oh, I'm really
shaking.
What's he gonna do?
I hear your boss
has a new play coming up.
Who are you?
Siskel and Ebert?
Niles, have you seen my yellow
notepad with all my notes on
it?
Not recently, sir.
Where did you have it last?
Why do people always ask that?
If I remembered
where I had it last,
I'd go there and get it and not
bother you about it, wouldn't I?
The mantle. I was pacing
and I left it on the...
Niles, you're a genius.
Honored to be the wind
beneath your wings, sir.
Hi! We're back.
How was the park?
Oh, you know, birds,
trees, muggers... The usual.
So, sweetheart,
did you and Frank Jr
have a good time together?
We hit it off.
We broke bread.
All right.
I'm glad.
And I really appreciate
you doing this
because, well, you know,
Bradley's father's review
could really make
or break our play
and we've worked so hard on it.
And it's not just me.
I mean, there's all kinds
of jobs at stake...
The cast, crew, ushers,
Old Pops at the stage door.
Oy, not Old Pops.
Telephone, sir.
It's Mr. Bradley.
Probably calling
to try and steal you away.
Oh, I might be available.
Hello, Frank.
What?
Well, uh,
I'm terribly sorry. I...
There must be some mistake.
No, no, Frank, there's
absolutely no reason
to bring any lawyers into this.
Uh, Frank.
Er, Frank?
Hello? Hello?
You wouldn't hit the woman
carrying your child, would you?
All right, I'm trying
to stay calm.
That's good,
because you are entering those
dangerous heart-attack years.
Miss Fine, you struck a child?
Struck a child?
Oh, God, let it be Grace.
It was little Frank Bradley.
Miss Fine hit him
with a baguette.
She nailed him.
Kapow!
Don't help, honey.
You can't nail someone
with a baguette
unless it's stale, of course,
or sourdough,
or a nice hard crouton
aimed at the Adam's apple.
Do you have any idea
what you've done?
Well, it's been a very busy day.
Can you be more specific?
I'll tell you what we'll do,
we'll invite Mr. Bradley
and his son over so Miss Fine
can apologize to them.
So even though the kid deserved
it, I'm gonna have to beg
and grovel and completely
debase myself?
Miss Babcock will show
you how it's done.
I don't think a gift basket
is gonna get us out of this one.
I may have to offer myself.
Might as well
close the play now.
Don't touch that door!
Is it just me
or does he need a
vacation?
We're conserving the cold
until that wretched repairman
gets here.
Now, tell me what you want.
You get one request.
Uh, milk.
Yogurt.
Miss Grace?
I'm not that hungry.
Suit yourself, but I warn you...
The door won't open until 6:00.
Okay, pudding.
Two seconds.
That's a new personal best.
This isn't pudding.
This is cocktail onions.
Well, I'd make you a martini,
but the ice has melted.
I know these measures
may seem a bit harsh,
but in order to ensure
that no more food spoils,
the refrigerator doors
must remain shut at all times.
P-yew, Niles, something
smells
like it died in here.
Oh, Miss Fine!
All right, I'll have a bagel.
Get back!
She's armed.
Put the bagel down
and step away
from the bread box!
This is all your fault, Niles.
You had to pack
that stupid baguette.
Baguettes don't hurt people.
People hurt people.
I can't believe Mr. Sheffield
is making me do this.
What are you complaining about?
All you have to do is apologize.
I have to make the refreshments.
Thank you, Niles.
It's so nice to know that
we're in on this together.
Well, meanwhile,
the caviar is sweating,
the brie is running
and my crudités is limp.
You know, they got
an operation for that
now.
I can't believe
that you're making me
apologize for something
when I really didn't do
anything wrong.
Look, Miss Fine, if you really
didn't do anything wrong,
just smile
and be charming and nice,
and lie through your teeth.
Oh, well, if you
put it that way,
I suppose I can make
believe
that I'm at a tax audit.
Hello, hello.
Maxwell, this is Frank Bradley.
Well, of course, it is.
Good to meet you, Frank.
Hello, Sheffield.
Oh, I do apologize
for this whole ugly mess.
I feel terrible.
Really?
I thought you'd be
used to disasters by now.
You certainly have
produced enough of them.
Oh, there's that Bradley wit.
Oh, and you must be Frank Jr.
Nice to meet you, young man.
Your hand's sweaty.
Nervous?
What a charming
little snot, uh...tot!
Miss Fine, don't you have
something you want to say
to Mr.
Bradley
and his son?
Yeah, but then I'd have
something else to apologize
for.
Miss Fine!
Oh, all right.
Okay.
Uh, Mr. Bradley,
things might've gotten
a little out of hand
at the park,
and whosever fault
it was... Not mine...
I suppose I would be sorry.
Well, that's that, then.
A heartfelt apology. Shall we?
Well, I think
it needs some work.
What do you think, son?
It left me cold, much
like
Robert Goulet in
Cyrano.
That's my boy!
How fast they grow up.
Soon he'll be closing plays
and destroying careers.
You must be very proud.
Well, I'd love to stand here
and grovel,
but I'm afraid
I have to walk the dog.
Chester!
Come on, boy.
Come on, boy.
Good boy. Yes!
Where do you want to go?
Oh, Pomerania.
Well, I'll get my coat.
That dog's ugly.
He's got beady little eyes
and a pointy little nose.
It looks like her!
They're from the same litter.
A finger sandwich?
Ew! What
idiot
made these?
I did. And they came
from a real little boy.
Yes, finger sandwich,
Mr. Bradley?
A man like you deserves a good
finger every now and then.
Sheffield, I can't believe
that you employ this woman.
She's rude, she's insolent,
and totally unfit to be a nanny!
And keep this damn beast
out of my eyes!
Ow!
Your dog bit me.
He's not my dog.
Yes, he is.
What?
That dog has absolutely
no connection whatsoever
to either myself,
Maxwell or our
play.
That dog is a menace to society
and ought to be put to sleep!
Sure. No problem.
Hey! Listen, Cruella,
nobody is touching this dog!
He's my dog.
I thought he was hers.
I forgot.
Maxwell gave him to me
for my birthday.
It was a gift from the heart,
so if I want to kill him I can.
Niles, quick!
Get a bucket of
water.
Let's see if she melts.
Sheffield, if you want
to avoid a lawsuit
I suggest
that you muzzle that dog
and muzzle the nanny as well!
You know, Frank,
I'm getting bloody
tired
of kissing up to you.
I'm not.
Let me do
it.
Miss Fine was right
from the beginning.
I should never
have
forced my little
girl
to play with your son.
Quite clearly, he
deserved
everything he got.
I don't care what you
think
about my play,
and, frankly, I don't
care
much for you either.
Now, let me show you the door.
It's over there.
Son, let's go!
You'll never work
in this town again!
Oh, Mr. Sheffield, you know,
it takes you a while,
but when you see the light, boy,
you just jump on that
white horse and you go.
And you, my little
fluffy protector,
you were just
like Kevin Costner
inThe Bodyguard.
Except you
have a better haircut.
Oh, I thought the
play
was just excellent.
Put in a seafood buffet
and you've got yourself a
hit.
Miss Fine, if you
enjoyed it that much,
how come you snuck out
before the curtain call?
Well, because nature called.
And by the way,
not to knock your
theater,
but two stalls, 600 women...
It's like Tokyo in there.
I hate waiting for reviews.
My stomach has been in knots
all day long.
Oh, we really don't have
anything to be concerned about.
I mean, whatever
else
he might be,
Frank Bradley is a professional.
Right.
He's not gonna let
his personal feelings
get in the way of his judgment.
We're doomed.
I thought these pictures were
supposed to be of famous people.
Who's Ethel Merman?
Never heard of her.
How about Mary Martin?
Beats me.
Hey, hey, how about
this one? Groucho Marx.
Oh, he must be
Marky Mark's grandfather.
Oh, look!
Here it is, here
it is!
Oh, I can't look.
Just tell me which way
his thumb is pointing.
Well, it's time
for
Unfortunately, Frank Bradley
is out with food poisoning
tonight.
The finger sandwiches.
I ate the finger sandwiches.
Oops!
That darn refrigerator.
So, we went right to the theater
to get the opinion
of the common man.
Hi!
Fran, that's you!
I know. Do I look
a little chunky?
I loved it.
It was a masterpiece!
Compelling, riveting...
A sheer enchantment.
Two thumbs up.
Bartender, I think there's
something wrong with your
set.
I sound so nasal.
It was a perfect
evening of theater,
although adding a few stalls
to the ladies' room
wouldn't kill them!
Hi, Ma! Hi!
Hi, Daddy!
Well, it looks
like a hit to us.
Oh, thank you, Miss Fine!
Oh.
Any time,
Mr. Sheffield.
Any time.
Well, that makes it official.
Our final perishable
has perished.
And there's the repairman,
in the nick of time.
Well, listen, the man
is highly in demand.
This is a very sensitive
piece of equipment.
Who you gonna call?
Frost Busters.
Yeah, I'll just have a look
at the old Frigidaire.
Well, actually, it's a Sub-Zero.
Not anymore.
Could be a condenser problem.
I think you got a crack.
We got a crack.
Mmm.
You know, I think
these repairmen
must all shop at the same store.
Yeah, the Gap.
Oh, thank you so much!
And I'd like you all
to please thank my dear friend,
a man that I'll kiss any day
on both cheeks,
Mr. Dan Aykroyd!