The Monkees (1966–1968): Season 2, Episode 25 - Monkees Blow Their Minds - full transcript

Hello. I'm Mike Nesmith,
and I'm one of the Monkees.

Tonight, as my guest on this
wonderful television program,

which has done so much for all
of you young people out there,

I have as my special guest none
other than Frank Zappa,

that world famous person, participant
in, perhaps even leader of,

none other than The Mothers of Invention,
and here he is, love ya, Frank Zappa.

- Hi, kids. Hi, Mike.
- Hi.

It's really, it's really a
pleasure to be here.

It is?

They have a lot of zany
stuff on this program,

don't you think?
Well, tell me, Frank.



Tell you what, Mike?

No, you're supposed to talk like Frank.

This is one of our cute
numbers for the show.

Oh yeah, that's right.
I'm supposed to be you,

and you're supposed to be me, right?

You see the way we worked
this out in advance?

My nose keeps falling off.
Okay, go ahead. Ask me a question.

When you got into the psychedelic
music business, was it very difficult?

I know that you used to
work in Hollywood a lot.

Well, it was more of a "Come on, guys.
Let's go." kind of a situation.

"Come on, guys"- that's
like The Beach Boys.

A lot of that.
We did a lot of that.

You know that after I quit the show,
I'm gonna join The Byrds, don't you?

Ha ha.
No, I didn't know that.



When you quit The Mothers,
who are you gonna join?

I may join The Byrds too.

I wanted to get into a very serious area
that of course appeals to me as Frank Zappa,

sometimes thought of as creative genius,

especially in the area
concerning your Monkees' music,

which, uh, a-appears to me to
be banal and insipid, you know?

You think that our music, The Monkees'
music, is banal and insipid?

Well, words like that are hard to read.

- Mm-hm.
- Especially side by side.

Have you ever tried reading
Mike and Frank?

I wanted to know where the
soul of your music was.

Is it on the one and the seven,
or is it on the one and the five?

The soul of your music is
on the one and the seven,

sometimes on the three and the five.

The soul of our music, The Monkees' music,

lies somewhere in between
the one and a half,

the two and a half,
the three and three quarters,

and the giant C major chord on the piano-

Can-

which I'll demonstrate for you.
We have wonderful music.

Match cut. Here we go, we turn over and we

all take our positions
in front of the camera,

because this is The Monkees and we're
really tricky. Tell me, Frank Zappa,

I've always wanted to
have you show me how to

conduct because I heard you
were really spiffy at it.

Will you follow me?
That's where we gonna go-

Come on. You're on television.
I'm just one of these unpopular musicians.

- No-
- Teach me.

It's the other way around.
You're a popular musician,

I'm dirty, gross, and ugly.
Well, I'll tell you, Mike.

Before we get too involved
with the piano,

let's whipple over to the car,
and I'll teach you-

- "Whip"?
- how to play a car. Watch this!

Here we come
Walkin' down the street

We get the funniest looks from
Ev'ry one we meet

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
And people say we monkey around

But we're too busy singing
To put anybody down

We're just tryin' to be friendly
Come and watch us sing and play

We're the young generation
And we've got something to say

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
You never know where we'll be found

So you better get ready,

We may be comin' to your town

The Monkees brought
to you by Kellogg's

K-E double L, O double good,

Kellogg's best to you

"Oraculo, world's leading mentalist,
down the alley". Down the alley?

Uh-be-gubba, mimi-go.
Uh, come on in.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Are you the great Oraculo?

I am Oraculo, the world's
leading mentalist.

I'm Peter Tork.

Of course. I knew that surely
as if you'd said it yourself.

I'm a rock and roll musician,
and I need your help.

Well, there are some things that
even the great Oraculo can't fix.

I've been trying to write
a song for two weeks,

and I've been blocked.
You've got to help me.

You've come to the right man.

But I promised the guys I'd write a song
for the audition. I can't let them down.

Audition?

For The Monkees. It's a gig at the
Club Cassandra. It's for ten weeks.

Ten week gig?

Ooh.

Sit down.
Look into my eyes.

Deeply, deeply, ever so deeply.
Yes, deeply, deeply. What do you see?

Dishonesty, cowardice,
and a lack of scruples.

Too deep, try again. Eh, Mr. Tork,
why don't you join me in a cup of tea?

Do you think we'll both fit?

- Oh. Heh heh heh.
- Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha.

Drink up. Heh heh.

Mm. This is good.

Yes. Very good, indeed.

Rudy, whoever these fellas are,

these Monkees or whatever their name is,
they will not succeed at their audition.

- Well, what do you mean, master?
- I have a plan.

- Oh, ha ha ha.
- Ha ha ha ha.

Come on, boys. Let's get on with
the audition. I haven't got all day.

You know, I don't see much sense
in setting up if Peter isn't here.

Well, we can set up. I just wish
that Peter had written us a song.

Hi, guys.
I'm sorry I'm late.

Not only is he a good psychic slave,
but he has perfect timing. Heh heh.

You think it's gonna work, master?

The great Oraculo never fails.

Oh, yeah?
What about the time we-

Hey, look at Peter.
He looks like a machine.

Well, he always sort of looks
like a machine, you know.

Peter, are you alright?

Yes, I'm alright.
Let's go.

Uh, you, uh, your-

Your guitar.

Your guitar is on-you've got
it on-I think he's out of it.

Oh, I dunno. His crisp, penetrating
intelligence is still there.

Come on, boys.
Come on. Hurry it up.

Are you ready?

You cannot play, Tork.
Your talent is deserting you.

One, two, one, two, three, four!

Er, er-er, er-er!

That's what you call a dumb cluck.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah? Alright,
do you want to try it one more time?

Okay, ready? Ready? One, two.
One, two, three, hey!

Five, six, seven, eight.

Heh heh. Heh. He-he used to be
a one man band. Funny, right?

Now, Peter.
Come to me.

Funny.

Peter.

- Peter.
- Peter, what are you-

That's Monkees?
Alright, alright, boys.

That's enough, boy.
That's enough. I get the idea.

Oh, but Mr. Latham, no, you
don't understand, you see, um-

Oh, no need to apologize.
All you've done is waste my time.

And now, Mr. Tork, you will do everything
exactly as I've told you to do. First?

First, I will kill Oraculo.

Who told you to do that?

He who secretly hates Oraculo
and hasn't the guts to tell him.

For a psychic slave,
you got a big mouth.

Now, who's next? Who's next
for the audition here?

Now, Mr. Tork, the time has come.
We must win this audition.

Thus, I have raised this
subject three feet off

the ground by sheer thought
power alone. Hee hee hee hee.

A-ha! So that's it. That phony
mentalist has stolen Peter's mind.

I can think him up.
Up, up, up!

Oh! Up, yeah!

And I can think him down.

Down.

Eh. And I can think
him badly bruised.

Wonderful, Oraculo!
Simply fantastic.

You're correct. So, what is your
opinion of the great Oraculo?

Well, I think you're a ruthless fraud.

- In that case, keep quiet.
- You freaked Peter's mind!

That was very good. Nicely put.
Lovely. Lovely.

He came to me of his own free
will. Isn't that right?

Whatever you say, master.

Now, if you'll come into my office,
we can draw up

the contracts for you
and your assistant here.

Come along.

Uh, well, bye, Pete. Later, Pete.

Listen, don't forget to
write, Pete, and, uh,

remember, the door's always open to you,
Pete. Uh, you can come home to the pad

and all your friends, but write first,
because we're renting your room!

If we're gonna help Peter,
we've got to get him alone.

Um, hello, Mr. Oraculo?

I need your help.

And, uh, I wondered if
you could come down.

I don't usually make house calls.

But I've had this horrible accident,

and I lost my memory,
and I can't remember a thing.

Do you remember who
you're talking to now?

Sure, this is Mr. Oraculo.

You see that? We're well onto
the road to recovery already.

Before I had this accident,

I was carrying a briefcase with,
uh, fifty thousand-

dollars in it.

- Fifty thousand?
- Yep.

And I'm willing to give half to
the man who will help me find it.

- I may be able to fit you in.
- When?

Right now.

I'll stall Oraculo until you
get back. Micky, are you ready?

Gosharooney, yes. Boy, I've poured
over all these mystical maps and charts,

and I've read every book
in the public library.

- So, what did you learn?
- The Dewey Decimal System.

Rudy, I'm off for another
adventure, and when I return,

I feel sure I'll have twenty-five
thou bulging out of my pocket.

Well, what about me, master?
Hey, master, what about me? Hey, master?

You will stay here and, uh,
guard Tork at fifty cents an hour.

That seems a little unfair, master.

Make it half a dollar.

Oh, master, thank you, thank you!
You are generous beyond generous.

You're grateful, Rudy, eh?

Oh, yes, master, yes.

Then why are you biting my hand?

Eh, now, Mr. Nesmith.

The hiding place of the money is
locked deeply within your unconscious.

I want you to free your mind of all thought.
Good. Now, uh, how do you feel?

Um, oh, uh, thoughtless.

Hm. Look deeply. Deeply into
my eyes. Now, what do you see?

Cowardice, and, um, dishonesty,
and a general lack of scruples.

Maybe there's something
in what they say.

And now, for my next trick,
I, the great Oraculo,

will free the mind of that dashing
psychic slave Rudy Bayshore.

Come on, mind, free up. Come on.
Free up, mind! Free the mind, free the mind!

We've got to get Peter out of here.

And I, the great Dolenzio will
transfer my mind into his mind and

his mind back into my mind,
transferring us back-Rudy, Rudy!

Uh, w-what's that?

It is I, your master Oraculo!

My master!

Come to me, Rudy!

I'm coming, master. I'm coming.

Come, come!

I'm coming, master. I'm coming!

Wait-wait a minute.
That's not the voice of my master.

Uh, Rudy, I have a great treasure
I will share with you.

Well, who am I to judge?
Here I come!

I am coming to you, master.
Here I come!

Peter, Peter-uh, Peter!

Don't I know you from somewhere?

I am Micky! I mean, I'm Micky.
Your best bullet-pal-bud-buddy and pal

and friend and hardship and toil
for two-for years and years.

Keep talking.
It will come to me.

Hey, man. He's still whacked out.
What are we going to do?

It's very clear to me that
we have to transfer

his mind back from the
spell of Oraculo's mind.

Valleri

I love my Valleri

There's a girl I know who
makes me feel so good

And I wouldn't live without her,
even if I could

They call her Valleri

I love my Valleri

Oh yeah, come on

She's the same little girl who
used to hang around my door

But she sure looks different
than the way she looked before

I call her Valleri

I love my Valleri

Valleri

I love my Valleri

I love my Valleri

I need my Valleri

It's no use, Micky.
He won't budge.

Well, we've got to get him out
of here before Oraculo gets back.

I've got it!
Experimental psychology.

What's that?
It sounds complicated.

Actually, it's not.

Well, Mr. Nesmith.
Let's see what you have to

say now that you've
drunk the magic potion.

I'm coming, master.
I'm coming. I'm coming.

Rudy! What are you doing here?

You called me, master.

Nonsense! Your name never
even entered my mind.

There's something very
odd going on here.

Mr. Nesmith, I command you to
tell me what's happening.

Well, uh,
Davy and Micky are over freeing Peter

while I'm keeping you
here by feeding you

this story about a valise
with fifty thousand

dollars in it, uh, which,
uh, never really existed.

You gave him the magic formula, master.

Come with me, Mr. Nesmith.

You-you turned him into
one of your slaves.

To the house of mystery.

First me, then Tork, and now him.
When is it all going to end, master? When?

Rudy, I dare not ask;
things are going so well.

Pete, it's so good to get you.

Yeah, he'll be okay.

Here you are, home again, babe!

You'll be your old
self in no time, Peter.

There he goes.
He's started already.

Hey, Mike, we got Peter back.

Mike?

Mike? Mike?

Mike? Mike?

We'd better go find him, then.

What are we going
to do about Peter?

He's still under Oraculo's power.

You're right. We can't leave
him here on his own. Hm.

This overlapping chain link is
perfect for both sport and formal attire.

Sorry about that, Pete.
It's the only thing we could do.

Don't worry. Feedings are at
one o'clock and seven.

Ha ha ha.
Close your mouth.

The fool!
You let that Tork escape.

Hold it, Oraculo! It is I, Captain Goodness
and Junior Goodness. We are here to-

Goobly gobly goobly.
You have lost your will.

You've lost your talent.

You doubt the psychic power
of the great Oraculo?

He's a fake, Micky.
Let's get him.

Hold it, Oraculo.
Your power's gone, and Peter's safe.

Ha ha ha ha ha! Rule number
one of a great mentalist:

when your dese-psychic power
deserts you, use another way.

I got to hand it to you, Rudy.
You really did it there. Pow, pow.

Give them the potion.

I got it right here.
Blue potion, right here.

Eh, what a sensation I will
be tonight. What a sensation

at the Club Cassandra.
Oraculo and his four slaves.

But master, they say
that Tork is safe.

We shall see. Tork?
Goobly joobly goobly.

I'm calling you.
I'm calling you, Tork!

I'm sorry, sir,
your party is busy.

Operator, get off the line.
Tork, are you there?

Can you hear me, Tork?

Tork, I'm calling you.
Come!

You fool. That's not
the way to the door.

Well, what do you expect
from a psychic slave?

And now, ladies and gentlemen,
in just a few moments

the Club Cassandra will
present the great Oraculo.

Rudy, it's nearly time, but I
don't want to take any chances,

so we better give them a little more potion,
and then I'll meet you out front.

Uh, yeah, master.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen,
thank you. You, madam there.

Would you kindly hold up one to
thirteen fingers behind my back,

and I will tell you how many
fingers you're holding up. Huh huh huh.

Three.

Three fingers.

Very good!

Wah. Wah.

Yes. And now, uh, eh, uh- ah, you, sir.
May I ask, what is your occupation?

Yes, I'm a lawyer.

A lawyer? Well, let me see what
I can see for the future. Ah, yes.

Your future is assured.
At the age of twenty-nine,

you will be the youngest judge
ever to sit on the Supreme Court.

But I'm already thirty-five.

Then you should have
come to see me sooner.

Boo!

Oop!

I will now demonstrate my
incredible invulnerability to pain.

While in the deepest hypnotic
trance-eh, you, sir.

Yes, what?

Will you kindly grind your red hot
cigarette into my lily white palm?

Oh, I couldn't do that, sir.
I couldn't. I don't smoke cigarettes.

Use a cigar if you don't smoke.

- Alright.
- Ah!

- Wah. Wah.
- Ooh!

- Well, it wasn't lit.
- You cheated.

Yeah, I cheated.
It wasn't lit. Boo.

- Boo!
- Boo!

Wah. Wah.

Uh, you guys need any
more potion? Huh?

You're okay, y'all? Okay.
Here I come, master.

Don't do that.

Don't do that.

- Thanks, Mick.
- Let's go.

Uh, now, ladies and gentlemen,
uh, the finale,

Oraculo and his four slaves.
Here they are, folks: the slaves.

These men are completely within
my psychic power,

and at my command, they will
come to rigid attention. Rigid!

Boo!

Come on. Rigid. Will you get
up there straight? Rigid.

Arf! Arf! Arf! Arf!

Wah. Wah. Wah.

No, look. Like me, see? Rigid. Rigid.
Like that. Rigid. Good. Yes. Good rigid.

Good rigid. Uh. Rigid. Rigid. Come on.
Up. Rigid. Rigid. Oh, sorry, master.

Arf! Arf! Arf! Arf!

Ow! Ow!

- No, it's, "Arf! Arf!"
- Arf!

Arf-arf! Arf!

Ladies and gentlemen,
here's my famous dog act.

Master, do you think this is
a fitting thing for us to do?

Master, slave, what's the difference, Rudy?
Long as we're in show business.

Darkened rolling figures move

through prisms of no color.

Hand in hand,
they walk the night,

But never know each other.

Passioned pastel neon lights

light up the jeweled trav'ler

Who, lost in scenes of
smoke filled dreams,

Find questions, but no answers.

Startled eyes that sometimes

see phantasmagoric splendor

Pirouette down palsied paths

With pennies for the vendor.

Salvation's yours
for just the time

it takes to pay the dancer.

And once again such anxious men

Find questions, but no answers.

The night has gone and
taken it's infractions,

While saddened eyes hope
there will be a next one.

Sahara signs look down upon a

world that glitters glibly.

And mountain sides put arms

around The unsuspecting city.

Second hands that minds have

slowed are moving even faster

Toward bringing down
someone who's found

Find questions, but no answers.

Psychedelic.

In this generation
In this lovin' time

In this generation
We will make the world shine

We were born to love one another
This is somethin', we all need

We were born to love one another
We must be what we're goin' to be

And what we have to be, is free

Love is understandin'
We gotta be free

Love is understandin'
We gotta be free

We gotta be free

We gotta be free