The Middle (2009–2018): Season 8, Episode 14 - Sorry Not Sorry - full transcript

This is taking forever.

You sure you don't want to
just go outside

and fill it up with the hose?

I don't want hose spaghetti.

Why not?

You had hose coffee this morning.

Are we gonna be eating anytime soon?

I'd hate to have to let the state know

you're feeding me dinner this late.

I believe you two still have
a file open.

That's the sound it made
right before my half-shower



this morning.

- Okay, here we go.
- Whoo!

Come on, baby. Mama needs some s'ghetti!

We should probably go down there.

Or we could never go down there again.

Damn it!

Mom, I need your help.

Not a great time right now, Brick.

I need to turn in my history
paper online by 9:00,

and that's in five minutes.

Mom? Mom?!

Are you even listening to me?

No, Brick, I'm really not.

Kind of in the middle of something here.



Frankie!

But the website
isn't letting me turn it in.

It's 50% of my grade.

Yeah, well, 50% of the basement
is under water, Brick,

so you're gonna have to
figure it out yourself.

What?!

What the hell you doing up there?

I'm getting towels!

Forget the towels!

You got to turn off the water
at the source!

At the what? At the source. The source!

I don't even know what that means!

Mom, there's only four minutes
now until the deadline.

Mom? Mom? Mom?

Dad? Dad? Dad? Dad?

How can you not know what the source is?

You got to know this stuff, Frankie.

What if I was dead?

Then my new rich husband
would hire me a plumber.

What's the matter with this door?

Can't one thing in this house work?

I put the mop handle in there.

What? Why?

Because Nancy Donahue said
there's been break-ins lately.

And you're worried someone's
gonna steal all this?

You're a ridiculous woman,
you know that?

Yeah, you better walk off.

I can't believe this is happening.

You know how hard it was
to write a five-page paper

on the Louisiana Purchase
using a computer

that doesn't have the letter "L"?

All right. I did it.

And the handle snapped off in my hand.

Don't just stand there. Help us.

Brick can't get his homework
on the website.

Bigger fish to fry right now, Frankie.

Just print it out and hand it in
to the teacher tomorrow.

They don't let them hand it in,

they have to upload it to Cyberdesk.

When I was a kid,
we didn't have computers.

Nobody had computers.

All we had were pencils and paper

and we all turned out fine.

Save your stories
for the campfire, Grandpa.

Right now I'm trying to make sure

our son doesn't fail history.

Yeah, well, maybe if
you were more on top of it,

he wouldn't always be doing
everything at the last minute.

Excuse me?

Are you saying it's my job to
make sure Brick's on top of it?

Well, homework is your department.

Oh, lucky me, how did I get that job?

Oh, right, I have all the jobs.

Oh, really?

Do you change the oil in the cars?

Do you shovel the driveway?

Do you know where
the main water valve is?

Hate to interrupt, but I have
57 seconds to get this in.

54!

Really, Mike? You really want to have

the "Who does more around here"
argument?

I don't think you do.

I don't think you do 'cause you
know I'd be winning.

48.

I'm sorry, but maybe you're
just too busy watching TV

and endlessly brushing
your teeth to see what I do.

Because I have to be responsible
for knowing

everybody's schedule,
I'm doing all the cooking...

Oh, really?

How many Burger Barn punch cards

have we blown through
this year, huh? Chef?

I didn't see you complaining
when you were

shoving it in your big,
dumb face, you dummy.

That's it. It's over.

Cyberdesk is no longer
accepting documents.

Why does everything have to be
in the stupid cloud anyway?

His homework's in a cloud.

Our pictures are in a cloud.

No, I printed them out like you said

and put them in a box in the basement.

Oh, my God, the basement.

People always say
a new day brings new hope.

People are wrong.

Where do you want this?

There's good.

Hey, Brick, did you e-mail your teacher

and tell her what happened
with your history paper?

Oh, I read it wrong.

Turns out the paper's not due
till 9:00 P.M. Tuesday.

Hey, I didn't know
you guys were coming home.

- Your dad and I were just...
- Save it.

I don't want to hear
about your weird role playing.

Brick texted us.

He said there's some kind of
a situation.

Yeah, there's definitely a situation.

Well, we're here to help.

Wait, I don't think we're talking about

the same situation.

What's going on?

I think this is more
of a family room conversation.

Yeah.

Unless somebody's pregnant
or failing out of school,

we got stuff to do.

Oh, someone's failing, all right.

- But it's in the school of parenting.
- Mm-hmm.

Please sit.

Here's the thing...
Brick reached out to us

because he's upset
about some of the things

that have been going on around here.

And after hearing his cries for help,

Sue and I felt we had no choice

but to come home
and speak on his behalf.

Speak on his behalf about what?

You two... the fighting, the bickering,

the constant barbs
at each other's expense.

The eye rolling, the rude hand gestures

behind each others' backs.

I hear the term "crazy woman" was used?

It was actually "ridiculous woman."

Thank you, Brick.

I was also informed
that Mom called Dad a dummy

and Dad shook a mop
in front of Mom's face.

I believe what I learned in church

was there are better ways
to express oneself

than mop-shaking and name-calling.

Okay, I don't know
where this is coming from.

Your dad and I are very much in love.

Hmm, how do I put this?

Um, Brick is a plant,
and the terrarium of your anger

is poisoning the soil
with which he needs to grow.

Mm-hmm.

Look, I know this is a lot to process,

but the important thing is
that you've heard it

and, moving forward,
you'll try to do better.

It's not all on you.
I feel partly responsible

for not being home on a daily basis

to point out your flaws.

Is that everything, Brick?

Is there anything else
you would like to add?

No. Thank you.

I think this was really productive.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, come on. No crying.

This house is wet enough as it is.

I'm sorry, but our kids just
gave us an intervention.

It wasn't an intervention.

Wha...?

They both got up
before 10:00 A.M. on a Saturday

and drove over here without
their laundry...

that's an intervention.

There's a show on TV
called "Intervention,"

and that's pretty much
exactly what happens.

Look, if Brick had a problem with us,

he didn't have to go
tattle on us to those two.

He could've just come to us
and said something.

Well, obviously,
he didn't feel comfortable

doing that because we're monsters.

We yell at each other and his
soil is getting damaged and...

Don't look at me.

You're really more of the yeller.

Oh, okay, maybe, but you have
more of that seethy anger.

You know, most of your
serial killers have that.

We have to be better.

Ugh.

No, I'm serious.

Our kids came to us
and expressed concern

in a mature and articulate way,

and we have to respond in kind

by role modeling good behavior.

I think we should apologize to them.

We've been married for over 20 years.

I think we should get a free
pass on having a little dust-up.

Come on, Mike.

Let's show our kids we're better.

Let's show them we're big enough
to admit when we're wrong.

Does that mean you think I'm right?

Aw!

What are laughing at?

Guy just threw a boomerang
and hit himself in the junk.

You?

Charlie Rose just said something pithy.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, guys.

Dad and I want to
talk to you for a minute.

Sue, get in here.

What's up?

So your Dad and I have something to say.

We're sorry.

We thought about what you guys
said and you're right.

We have not been behaving
in a way that we're proud of.

And we are gonna be better.

Okay, then.

I think that was
really healthy and good.

And, again, thank you for coming to us.

And know that our door is always open.

Wow.

Our parents just apologized
to us from their hearts.

Do you know what this means?

We have them at our mercy.

Now, what do we want?

Guys, trust me.

I am a business major who attended

nearly half his classes.

What we have here is something
the French call leverage.

What are you talking about?

What I'm talking about is Mom and Dad

are feeling pretty guilty
right about now,

so it's a great time to try to
get something out of them.

You know, it's like a chicken place.

They have the power
because you want chicken

and they have the chicken,
so you have to pay them,

but if I find
a half a rat in my chicken,

mnh-mnh, they got to pay me.

I have the power.

The entire power balance has shifted.

So you're saying Mom and Dad
just gave us half a rat?

Exactly.

And now the question is,
what do they have that we want?

Mm, this would be a lot easier

if we had rich parents.

Ooh, maybe we could ask each of them

to give us a kidney,
sell it on the black market.

'Course, there are three of us,

so one of us would not
be getting a kidney.

- Let me guess.
- Yeah, sorry, Brick.

But maybe Sue an go halfsies
with you on her kidney.

We're not harvesting
our parents' organs!

Well, we got to do something!

We're wasting valuable time here.

Who knows how long
this goodwill is gonna last?

We could be one sweat sock

on the table away
from blowing this whole thing.

Huh!

They've never taken us
on a good vacation.

Huh, right?

I mean, I'm not talking about

South Dakota for Aunt Edie's funeral.

I'm not talking about Kentucky
for Dad's lame-o caves.

I am talking about a real beach vacay.

What about the Florida Keys?

Carly went there once,
and she brought me back

a pen where if you turned it
upside down, the sun sets.

Think about it.

We could get one of those fancy motels

where you can drive
right up to your door.

And you can see headlights stream

across the wall when you sleep?

And I can pet one of Hemingway's cats!

Yes!

What?

Legend has it that a sea captain

gave Ernest Hemingway
a white six-toed cat,

and now the Florida Keys...

Stop.

You had me at six-toed cat.

We're going clockwise.

My clockwise or your clockwise?

There's only one clockwise.

Whatever, Big Ben, just tell me
which way to go.

Hey. Oh, we were just talking.

We weren't fighting. What's up?

Well, we just wanted to say thanks again

for apologizing.

Yeah, and, um, in the spirit of healing,

we were thinking
one way to repair our family

and for you guys to make us
all feel better is,

um, well, you know what?

Brick is the youngest
and the most traumatized,

so why don't we let him tell you?

Brick.

Ice cream sandwiches?

You didn't tell me I was gonna talk.

We all agreed on Florida, Brick.

All you had to say was "Florida."

Well, I'm sorry.

I was thinking about Florida,
and I was on the beach

petting Hemingway's cats,
and it was hot.

And I thought how nice it would be

to have an ice cream sandwich.

Yeah, but why would you
ask for something

you can just go to the freezer and take?

I thought you had to ask
to have an ice cream sandwich.

No! No!

Really?!

Oh, great, now we're eating

ice cream sandwiches
instead of going to Florida.

They're not even the full size.
They're the cuties.

'Cause Mom's always thinking
she's got to lose weight.

So what's the plan?

There is no plan.

You blew it.

The universe gave us a half a rat,

and instead of
a million-dollar settlement,

we settled for a free bucket of chicken.

We lost, and once again,
Mom and Dad are the winners.

Is this rag or a towel?

Uh, it's either a really nice
rag or a really gross towel.

It's kind of sad
we can't tell the difference.

All right, I'm just gonna go up

and throw these in the dryer.

If you put them in the dryer,

everything we dry
is gonna smell like dirty rag.

Says the guy who never does the laundry.

Let's see you sharpen
the lawnmower blades.

You don't want me holding a sharp blade

in my hand right now.

You'd be doing me a favor.

Oh, my God. The kids are right.

We're like the Bickersons.

No wonder poor Brick was traumatized.

Poor Brick?

We wouldn't have been
fighting in the first place

if it wasn't for "poor Brick."

That's true.

Without his whole homework fiasco,

you and I would have been having

a very pleasant evening
bailing filthy water

out of our basement.

Followed by a romantic
hose-spaghetti dinner.

You know, when you think of it,

most of our fights are because of them.

Remember last week, you got mad at me

'cause Sue guilted me into
going to her college

and bringing up her "It's Kitten
Time Somewhere" poster?

How 'bout the time Brick swallowed

all that Jell-O powder?

We practically went 12 rounds

'cause you wanted to take him
to the emergency room,

and I said it's gonna be Sue's
$300 fart all over again.

I mean, if it weren't for those kids,

we'd be the happiest couple in town.

And where do they get off
coming into our house

- and telling us how to parent?
- Yeah.

And then we end up apologizing to them.

You know, when we were kids,

you didn't tell your parents
what they were doing wrong.

You know what you did?
You ate your vegetables.

I have a good mind to buy vegetables

and make those kids eat them.

Oh, we're gonna do a lot more than that.

- But we...
- Listen up.

We know we just said we're
sorry, but we're not sorry.

And I'll tell you something else...

what we have here is just fine.

We're very much in love.
This is working.

But you know what's not working?

You guys.

- Nice segue, honey.
- Thanks, babe.

We're down in the basement

busting our butts and you're up here

eating ice cream sandwiches
that we paid for

with our hard-earned money.

Well, guess what.

The free ride ends here. Let's go.

Move, move.

Come on, heel-toe, heel-toe.

Can't we at least discuss this?

What did we even do?

Nothing to discuss.

We're right, you're wrong. Not sorry.

We are so, so sorry.

This is amazing.

Uh, how is this amazing, exactly?

Another half a rat
just fell in our laps.

It was a one-in-a-million shot,
and this time,

we're not settling for
the free bucket of chicken.

We're going for something much bigger.

You mean like Mallomars?

Dude, for the last time,
you are in high school.

You can take snacks without asking.

- Ding Dongs?
- Yes.

Pretzels?

- Yes!
- Yes!

You're blowing my mind.

I don't know, you guys.

I'm really starting to
feel bad for Mom and Dad.

You feel bad for the people

that threw your little brother
down the stairs?

They didn't throw him.

If anything, you bumped him.

Oh, tomato, potahto.

Plus, they did apologize.

And they do feel really bad for Brick.

Stop right there. Do not give
them human qualities.

We can't do what we need to do

if we think of them as people.

Ugh, I feel horrible about Brick.

I mean, we might as well have just

thrown him down the stairs.

That's what we did...

we threw him down the stairs
with our words.

You know that's going in the file.

I'm disappointed in us, Mike.

You know, first chance we got,

we went right back to our yell-y selves.

And they don't deserve that.
They are great kids.

All I know is not one of our great kids

even thought about coming down here

to help us until we yelled at them.

And I'll tell you something else...

when I was a kid,
I would never have dreamed

of giving my dad parenting advice.

And he sure the hell
didn't want my opinion.

If I was sitting in his chair,

he wouldn't even ask me to
move... he'd just sit on me.

See, now you're getting
all worked up again.

That's exactly what
we're trying to avoid.

We need to stay cool,
just keep doing our work,

and let the kids realize on their own

that they should come down and help.

Trust me, Mike, role modeling
good behavior will work.

It didn't.

Hey.

I got Brick all settled into his room.

I was wondering if you guys
needed any help.

Thank you, Sue. Thank you so much.

Yeah, you can start by hanging

some of those old photos to dry.

Don't worry about saving any
from my perm years.

See? I knew it would work.

Yeah, for the easy one.

I n't see Axl down here.

All right, we might have to
give him a little more time.

Yeah, or we can give him no more time

and I can just go up there
and punish him.

Yeah, right.

You're serious?

Damn right I'm serious.

You're gonna punish your
23-year-old son.

How are you gonna do that?

Go to the college and tell the president

of the university he can't have dessert?

I'll take his phone away.

You can't do that. We're bundled.

It'll unravel our whole plan.

Plus, if he doesn't have a phone,

we'll never hear from him again.

Well, then he can't
do laundry here anymore.

He does it at Sue's now.

He can forget about staying here
for the summer.

Said the other day if he had to
stay here, he'd die.

Okay, look, you can stay down here

and role model all you want,

but I'm not gonna tip-toe
around my kids anymore.

I don't care how old he is.
I'm still in charge.

He's gonna listen to me.

And if he's in my chair,
I'm gonna sit right on him.

Well, look who decided to go out
and get themselves a snack.

What? You know what?

Being a part of a family

means stepping up and helping out

when something goes wrong.

Your mom and I are
busting our butts downstairs.

Hell, your sister's even down there.

- But I...
- But nothing!

I don't want to hear
anything out of your mouth

unless it's "I'm sorry," and, of course,

it'll be a cold day in Hell
before that happens.

What are you talking about?

I say I'm sorry all the time.

God, I'm sorry!

Sorry!

Oh, I'm so, so sorry.

Okay, so maybe I'm not
the best at apologizing,

but at least I try.

What's that supposed to mean?

I'm just saying you never apologize.

Maybe I learned it from you.

I apologize.

I apologized to you five hours ago.

No, Mom apologized.

You just stood there.

You never say you're sorry.

Dad, you ate the other half of
the sandwich I was saving.

I bought it.

Dad, you were supposed to
pick me up an hour ago.

When I was a kid, we walked home.

Catch.

Ow?

I said, "Catch."

- Well, I...
- It's okay.

Look, I know it's hard for you

to show your feelings
'cause of, you know,

the way you were raised.

You don't like to be vulnerable.

And let's face it,

apologizing is a very
vulnerable thing to do,

but even though you never say
you're sorry, I mean,

you show it in other ways.

Yeah.

Well, we're getting away from the point.

And the point is that
we've got a flooded basement

and you're out
getting yourself a burger.

Well, actually,
I was getting everybody burgers.

Oh? Oh.

Well, that was nice.

But it doesn't change the fact

that you should've
come down and helped...

A lot sooner?

Yeah, you're right. I should have.

I realized that
when I was standing in line

at the burger place plotting about

what I could get out of you guys.

And I look up, I see the deep-fried

family feed bag for $5.99,
and I'm thinking,

you'd probably buy us that, right?

'Cause you're always thinking about us

and whether we need fried things.

Anyway, that's why I got
everybody dinner.

That's also why I picked up a wet vac

'cause I thought that might make

the clean-up a little easier.

But you're right,
I should have been more mature,

but I guess I just got wrapped
up in myself.

Yeah.

Well, good, you should... work on that.

Oh, my God!

Dad had a moustache?

Oh, yeah.

You can let that one float away.

Hey, listen, thanks for the help.

You know, I was hoping that

instead of forcing you down here,

you would choose to come, and you did.

Well, I think sometimes it's better

if we just come to it
on our own, you know?

Instead of all the yelling.

Yeah, I guess I have
resorted to yelling a little.

It's just that a lot of times

things get so crazy and busy, and...

and I just get frazzled.

Well, it seems like... and this is just

what I've observed over the years...

but, you know, you say that
you're always busy

and you don't have time
and you don't like

how crazy everything is,
but maybe you do

kind of like the drama
'cause all the craziness

distracts you from feeling the feelings

that you may not be
entirely comfortable with.

Oh.

Well, I...

And I think if you just slowed down

a little bit and took care of yourself,

then things wouldn't have to
build up and burst all at once.

It's kind of like these old rusty pipes.

If you just took care
of things on a daily basis,

then you wouldn't have to freak out

when things feel like
they're flooding down on you.

Well, thank you.

That's a lot to chew on.

Mom, are you crying?

Maybe.

Don't say anything to your dad.

So did you figure out
a punishment for Axl?

Uh, no. No.

He had actually gone out
to grab everyone dinner.

Okay, I have never

used this word before to describe Axl,

but that's very mature of him.

Yeah. He seems to be getting
a little more mature and smart.

Yeah, Sue's getting kind of smart, too.

It's weird.

It's like...

...they've been
watching us their whole life,

and now they know stuff about us.

Did you remember to pick up
soap the other day?

Uh, no, I forgot.

I'm sorry.

Did you just say, "I'm sorry"?

Yeah. What's the big deal?

You never say you're sorry.

Okay.

Don't make a big drama out of it.

I'm not making a...

You're right.

I'm gonna work on that.

You know, you think you need to

role model for your kids,

but the fact is

whether you think
you're modeling or not,

they are watching you.

They've been watching you
the whole time.

Okay, Axl and I threw out
everything that's ruined.

All the rest of it
is just kind of ruined,

so I'm guessing we're keeping it.

How is it that my Lily Tomlin
"And That's the Truth" album

gets wrecked and that box of old
answering machines is dry as a bone?

I don't know.

We may not be perfect,
but we did a few things right.

I mean, I think we did.

I don't know. I'll ask the kids.