The Middle (2009–2018): Season 4, Episode 8 - Thanksgiving IV - full transcript

Thanksgiving--
that time of year

when the whole country
scurries about

hunting and gathering
for the holiday feast.

What are you doing?

Frugal Hoosier started
charging 10 cents for bags,

so I told them
to find another sucker,

and I beat 'em
at their own game.

Oh. Listen to this.

I saw this flier that says
you can sign up

to host two Marines
at your Thanksgiving dinner.

How cool would that be?



Well, it depends on whose house
they're going to.

Come on. It's the Marines.

We don't do anything
for this country.

All we have is that "support
our troops" bumper sticker,

and Axl turned it
into "support our poops."

Plus Nancy Donahue
doesn't have any.

We'd be the only ones
on the block.

You really want to invite

outside observers
into this place?

I actually think it would
be nice to have guests.

- We've already got your parents coming.
- They're not guests.

- Sure feel like guests when they kick
me out of my bed. - Mike...

Don't say my name and think you
can make me do stuff.

Well, I was hoping
you'd have a different reaction,



'cause I already signed us up.

What? Why'd you even ask?

Because I had to act quick.

I was afraid they were gonna
run out of Marines.

There aren't that many
of them, you know.

It's right there
in the motto--

"The few, the proud."

I gotta say, I thought you'd be
more patriotic about this.

I am being patriotic. These
people fight for our country.

Haven't they
been through enough?

Oh, crap. I think I left
the frozen food on the porch.

Brick!

This book is life-changing.

Mom dropped me at the library

to find
the perfect holiday read,

and out of nowhere,
it just appeared to me.

"The real true
behind-the-scenes story

of the making of Erich Segal's
1970's classic, Love Story."

Really? All the books
they got in the library,

and that's the one you picked?

Have you read it?
It's fascinating.

How did I go so long
without finding this?

It's a Thanksgiving gift,
I tell you.

A gift.

You know, the only thing
that would have made that better

is if strangers
were here to see it.

Meanwhile,
Brick wasn't the only one

with a fascination
for the library.

Over the past few weeks,

Axl had become very focused
on his studies.

So the biggest thing you need
to study for your test is...

"The legislative branch."

Wow.

Your handwriting's pretty...

Terrible.
Uh, but I can say that

'cause my handwriting
is awesome.

Maybe I need
a handwriting tutor.

Maybe you do.

"Axl...

is...

brilliant."

Pretty impressive, huh?

Uh-huh. It'd be
even more impressive

if you spelled "brilliant"
with two L's.

Oh, it's my boyfriend
calling from Northwestern.

I should take this.

Cool. Cool. Cool.

Yeah, I gotta get
to the foot doctor anyway.

You know.
I'll see you later,

and just don't worry
about, uh, anything.

Just... uh, good luck.

Okay, no unauthorized
non-mascots are allowed in here,

so tell nobody
what you are about to see.

Where's the head?

Brad, the head is gone!

Gone!

The crack in my foot is gone!

The Ax Man's back in the game!

Stomp on my foot!
Go ahead! I'm healed!

I'm a medical miracle!

Are you serious?

Doctor says as long
as he's not in pain,

he's good to go.

Does that mean
he can play Friday?

With the recruiters there?

Yep. We might not
have to pay for college

with our kidneys after all.

Oh!

Oh, Mike!

You know what?
I'm telling you, Mike,

us opening our hearts
to the Marines

is the reason
he got better so fast.

You put good
out into the world,

and good comes back to you.

We would have been here
two hours ago!

But Vasco de Gama here decided

to take one
of his legendary shortcuts.

He got so lost,
we never got to stop at Costco!

What, so you couldn't get
your giant pop and hot dog?

Do you know how many carbs
are in one of them buns?

You lose 4 pounds,

and suddenly
you're Jack Lalanne!

- Happy Thanksgiving!
- Happy Thanksgiving!

And come hell or high water,

I was determined
it was gonna be.

'Cause turns out we had a lot
to be grateful for this year.

And Axl couldn't wait
to share the good news.

I'm cured!
The Ax Man has riseth!

Or is it "risen-eth"?
Doesn't matter.

'Cause my foot
healed three weeks early.

Stomp on my foot. Go ahead.
Honestly. I'm fine.

Wow, that's great, Axl,
but I'm kind of busy here.

Gene has a big test
on world War II tomorrow.

Well, grab a pencil, Gene.
We won.

And you know who else
is gonna win Friday night?

Orson, when we kick
Roosevelt's butt!

So you're actually
gonna play in the game?

You really think
that's a good idea?

Uh, it's not just a game,
it's the championship,

which reminds me,

I'm gonna have to start
leaving our sessions early

for practice, but...

Great. So you're gonna
skip studying

so you can go bash your head
into other guys' heads.

Sounds like a super solid plan.

You know what? Why don't we
just skip it altogether?

Wow. You know what you
should tutor people on?

How to ruin
the world's greatest moment,

'cause you are awesome at it.

I don't know
what to tell you, Axl.

Sorry this didn't happen

the way you played it
all out in your head.

Let me tell you something.

This is not a normal response
to awesome news, okay?

Guess what?! Playing in
the championship Friday!

That was a normal response.

I've checked everywhere,
and it's nowhere.

Not the dry cleaners,
not the pizza place,

not the bleachers where I watch
the guy mow the lawn.

The school trusted me
with its mascot,

and I have let everyone down.

This is a disaster!

I'm literally a chicken
with its head cut off.

Well, she wasn't the only one.
Three days until Thanksgiving,

and we were
nowhere near Marine-ready.

Ugh! I just want everything
to look right for the Marines.

If I use this picture
to cover the wallpaper scar,

does that look okay?

I'd lower it, like, 2 inches.

Yeah, listen to her.
She's the expert on everything.

I married Mrs. Right.

I just didn't know
her first name was "always."

Get this--

apparently,
the scenes in Love Story

with Oliver walking through
a snowy New York were added

after principal photography
was completed.

After!

Oh, I just adored Love Story.

Hey, Brick, why don't
I rent us a copy,

and you and I
can watch it together?

Why would we do that?

I'm with you, Brick.
Love Story was a lousy movie.

What do you know?

You slept through it
like every movie we see.

Then you woke up
and said it didn't make sense.

I'll tell you
what was a good picture.

The Longest Day.
You ever see that?

Don't need to.
I'm living it.

Ugh. Jeez.

What is wrong with my parents?

You're gonna
have to be more specific.

The bickering.
It's nuts, right?

I don't get it. I mean,
it seems to be getting worse.

It's worse, right?

Frankie, they've
been together 50 years.

Just be happy
they're not starring

in a Dateline unsolved mystery.

Well, I'm almost wondering

if having the Marines here
is a good idea at all.

- Now you're wondering?
- You know what it is?

They've been alone too long.

Maybe we need to remind them
why they love each other.

Like, reboot their brains

so they start being nice
to each other again.

What'd you do
with my goji berries?

Oh, yeah, I live
to hide your goji berries!

Good luck with that.

Come on.
I'll throw you a couple.

No, thanks.
I'm kind of busy here.

You're poking the earth
with a stick.

What's going on with you, Axl?

You got a huge game Friday.
The big comeback.

Everybody from school's
gonna be there.

Not everybody.

What's that mean?

Nothing.

Hmm.

So...
Help me out here.

The other day
when the doctor said

you could play
in the game on Friday,

weren't you the guy
who asked him

if you could kiss him
on the mouth?

Yeah. I was excited,
but then I started thinkin'...

You know,
this whole studying thing

is kind of working out for me.

Maybe I should just
stick to that.

Studying.

Okay. I think I know
what's going on here.

You're nervous.
You haven't played in a while.

There's a lot riding
on this game. I get that, Axl.

But sometimes you just gotta
lay it all out there

and go for it.

I don't know.

Trust me. Don't ever
let fear stop you

from going after what you want.

Mike's advice
really hit home for Axl...

Just not exactly
the way Mike had intended.

Cassidy, I like you.

I never really saw
myself with a girl like you before.

You know, I usually
just go for hot chicks.

Not that you're...
not hot.

It's just you're just hot
in a different way.

Um, you use words
like "perseverating"

and "truncated," which is
a really cool word for "short,"

but I never knew that
until I met you.

And I have so many things
to say to you,

but I'll try
to keep it truncated.

I like hanging out with you.

I think it's cool
that you think I can be smart

and you listen to violin music,

and you watch movies
with the typing at the bottom.

And my whole life,
I have loved football,

but it's weird, 'cause it just
doesn't seem to matter to me

if it doesn't matter to you.

And I want you to come
to my game, Cassidy.

And I know you have this guy
who calls you from college,

but he's not here now,
and I am,

and I like you, and I think
you should go out with me.

Oh. Wow, Axl. That's...

a lot.

Seriously, that is all
so nice of you to say,

but I-I just--

see, my boyfriend's coming
to spend Thanksgiving with me,

so I don't think
I can come to your game,

but thanks.

I mean, yeah, thank you.

Uh...
Yeah, cool. Cool. Cool.

Uh...
You know...

I just... I'm asking
everybody to my game,

not just you. So...

Hey! Anybody wanna go watch me
play football Friday night?

I'd love to, Axl.
Can I bring my snake?

What do you think?

Well, that depends.
Is there gonna be a president

giving a speech
off the back of a train?

I just want
it to look patriotic for the Marines,

to show we care, you know?

Because they do
so much for our country.

It's the least we can do
for them.

Wow. Okay, can I tell you guys
one more thing?

- No.
- Nobody cares, Brick.

Who do you think
was the studio's first choice

for the part of Oliver?

It was Beau Bridges.
Can you believe it? Uh...

Who's Beau Bridges?

I asked you to do one thing--
pack my ginkgo biloba.

They're your ginkgo biloba.

You want 'em,
you gonna pack 'em.

- You're a grown man, for God sake.
- They're for my memory!

How in the hell am I
supposed to remember 'em

if I don't take 'em?

Mom, dad, Mike and I
were trying to remember

that great story you always tell
about your first date.

You know, how dad got lost
and you ended up by the lake?

What happened again?

Oh, he got lost all right.

No surprise there.

- Yeah, she was probably talking so much,
I missed the sign. - No, it was sweet.

You got lost and you
didn't have anything to eat,

and mom pulled the crackers
from her bag and--

Back then,
he would eat crackers!

Crackers are poison!

Might as well
eat a bag of sugar!

Oh. Excuse me.

Can we have
a word with you gentlemen?

Sure.

We would have
talked to you earlier,

but we didn't want
to disrupt your rehearsal.

Practice.

Which one of you
is captain of this company?

Team. He meant "team."

Look, we know
you stole our mascot head.

So the joke is over.
We want it back.

Oh, no. You lost your head?
I guess it's true what they say

about how the body still runs
around without its head.

See you Friday night, losers.

- That's it. There's only one
way to settle this. - No! Brad!

Dance fight! Five, six, seven, eight...

Who punches a guy
while he's on his tippy toes?

That's not
how a dance fight works.

I mean, seriously, where did
that guy go to summer camp?

Ugh. I know.

I didn't even get to do
my pas de bourree.

Aw.

In Mexico,
it's known as Historia de Amor.

In Finland, it's Rakkaustarina.

I feel like
you're not listening.

That's because I'm not, Brick.

The Marines are gonna
be here any minute.

Axl, put on some clothes
and comb your hair!

To what end, mom?
To what end?

Mike, I'm gonna be busy
with the Marines,

so you're in charge

of corralling the bickermans
at dinner.

How come you get the Marines,
and I get your parents?

Because you didn't want
the Marines here.

In my defense, I didn't want
your parents here, either.

Oh!

Okay, that's them.

Quick,
everybody put your flag pins on.

Well, hello there.

Wow, we got
a couple of good ones.

Hi. I'm Frankie Heck.

Corporal Nick Martinez.

Sergeant Justin Howard.

We can't thank you enough

for inviting us
into your home, ma'am.

Oh, please.
It's the least we could do.

You do so much for us.

Wow. I love your uniforms--
the badges and the stripes.

I don't know what they mean,
but you must be very brave.

Hey, Nancy!

Just having dinner
with America's heroes--

two of 'em!

Happy Thanksgiving!

So the screenplay
was turned down

by every studio in Hollywood,

but Segal's agent, Howard Minsky
of the William Morris Agency--

This is my son Brick.

That's my other son Axl.

He's just waiting
for the iron to heat up

so he can press his slacks.

What are slacks?

Get dressed.

Mom, does this say
"chicken" to you?

This is my daughter Sue.

And oh, this is
my great aunt Edie,

and my parents Pat and Tag,
and my husband Mike.

You have
a very beautiful home, sir.

Well, you've seen too many
bombed-out cities, but thanks.

So, um, Corporal,
why don't you sit there,

and, Sergeant,
you can sit there.

So it'll be
Marine-Frankie-Marine.

Just like a Marine sandwich.

Or we can sit wherever.

Look at this. All poison.
I can't eat any of it.

Eat it, don't eat it.
Nobody cares.

Hey, you two lovebirds
don't mind

if I squeeze in here, do ya?

Well, shall we get started?

I pledge allegiance to the flag
of the United States of America.

Just wanted
to get that out there.

You know,
where my allegiance lies.

So before we eat, um,

why don't we go
around the table

and everybody say
what they're thankful for?

It's kind of
our Thanksgiving tradition.

- It is?
- Since when?

I'll start.

Well, I'm thankful
for the freedom

that you two provide
with your guns and stuff.

And I have to say, I, for one,

have never felt
so safe in my own home.

I'm thankful
for all my fellow Marines

who put themselves
in harm's way every day

so we can all live and prosper

in the greatest country
in the world.

I'm thankful that
the theme from Love Story

hit number 39
on the US music charts.

I'm thankful I'm still running
on my own steam.

What the hell's that mean?
Don't make any sense.

I think I'm allowed
to say what I'm thankful for

without comments
from the peanut gallery.

I'd like to go in a different
direction this year

and say what I am not
thankful for.

I am not thankful
for Roosevelt High,

specifically the football
players at Roosevelt High,

who cheat at dance fights

and steal
people's chicken heads.

- Axl?
- Pass.

- Aunt Edie?
- Merry Christmas!

I'm thankful that's over.
Who wants some potatoes?

Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I-I didn't get my turn.

I was gonna tell the story

about how when I was
stationed in Korea--

You were a file clerk.

Hey, there was a lot
of tension in that office!

Um, hey, uh,

so, uh, I bet being
a Marine... keeps you busy.

Actually, we just did
a recon mission if Afghanistan

to recover a downed drone.

Wait a minute.

Say there was some sort of
top-secret object

hidden somewhere
in Roosevelt High School.

Would you two
be able to recover it?

Sue, the Marines aren't helping
you find your chicken head.

It's their day off.

So, Afghanistan-- that must
have been so dangerous.

Well, when you're dealing
with terrorists,

it can get a little sticky.

Well, the real enemy
isn't terrorists.

It's refined sugar.

Kills a hell of a lot more
people than Al Qaeda ever did.

You don't have to talk

everybody's head off
all the time.

You know, they hide from him
at the bank.

You're just jealous 'cause
the weight's falling off of me.

Somebody here has
a love affair with gluten.

Speaking of gluten,
you guys like football?

'Cause, uh, my son here
has got a big game tomorrow.

I don't even
wanna talk about the game.

Why do we have to
talk about the game?

I think I have a pretty good
idea of where it is.

If we go in at nightfall,
I think that would be best.

But I don't have to go

if you think I'm just
gonna get in the way.

I could be sitting
in a nearby van,

talking you through it
over headphones.

It was a moonless night.
I was stationed in Korea.

- And my boot came untied--
- Everyone's heard the story, Tag.

You tell it every Thanksgiving.

The Marines haven't heard it.

Yes, they have. You've told
that story so many times,

it's gone all the way
around the world,

and even they have heard it.

You know, if you
got some sleep,

- you wouldn't be so cranky.
- And whose fault is that?

You took my side of the bed.

I told you many times,
it's different here.

The bed's turned around.

I think I know how to sleep.

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

You had your first date
on St. Patrick's Day,

and dad wanted
to take you to the movies,

but he got lost, and you thought
it was so funny.

And you ended up
down by Lake Monroe,

and you were hungry,

so mom shared her saltines
from her purse.

And you were both worried

because the crackers
made your mouth dry

and you thought your first kiss
was gonna be disastrous.

But it wasn't,
because you kissed,

and you felt the earth move,

and you knew you were supposed
to be together

because you loved each other,
damn it!

They've been through war,

and they couldn't even
make it to pie.

So as we learned,

Thanksgiving is not
a holiday for observers.

And the next day,

we were still stewing
in our own family juices.

Heck is the ball carrier.

And it's a fumble.

That's Heck's third fumble
of the game.

Sue blamed herself.

Without her mascot head, she
just couldn't bring the spirit.

Luckily, Brad scrounged up
what he could

from his theater camp,
but the thundering chicken bear

didn't exactly
scream confidence.

Wilson drops back to pass.
He finds Axl Heck.

Heck drops the ball!

And I thought
the end of Love Story was sad.

Time-out. Time-out.

Time-out-- Orson.

Come on, guys!
Bring it in. Bring it in.

Axl, what is going on with you?

I don't know.
I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm trying to focus,

but all these thoughts
keep popping into my head.

I keep thinking maybe
I shouldn't have played.

And then I think
I should be studying more.

Then I think what if I hurt
my foot even worse?

I'm freaking myself out here!

Axl, that's your problem.
You're thinking too much.

What?

Everything good that's ever
happened to you in your life

happened because
you weren't thinking.

Look at me. Look at me!

The only way
you're gonna win this game

is if you go out there
and do what you do best.

Don't think.
You get back out there,

turn your brain off,
and win this game!

Sometimes the wisest advice

comes from the mouths
of chicken bears.

- Go!
- Yes! Whoo!

The hand-off goes to Heck.

He runs left.
Heck reverses field!

Heck is running
for the wrong end zone!

What is he thinking?!

He's not!

Go, go, go, go!
Go! Yes!

Touchdown. Yeah!

Whoo!

Sue's speech worked.
Once Axl stopped thinking,

he scored two more touchdowns

and led his team
to the city championship.

Hey! That was one hell
of a second half

you played there, Heck.

I'm really hoping to see you
and that healed foot of yours

at East Indy next year.

Yeah? Me and my foot
would love that.

All right! Go, Dragons!

Hey.

Hey.

That was an amazing game.

I've never seen
anything like it.

I'm not gonna tell you
you were awesome,

'cause you already think
you're awesome.

But that was pretty awesome.

Wait, you--
you saw the game?

I thought you had dinner
with your boyfriend.

Yeah, well,
that kind of got cut short

when I told him
that I like somebody else.

You like somebody else?

Yeah. You.

Oh.

Sorry, I've been told
not to think.

Do you have any plans?

Yeah, but...
I can blow 'em off.

What'd you have in mind?

This.

We never did quite get why
Brick loved that book so much.

Maybe it's 'cause everyone
loves a great love story.

Whether it's that magical
moment at the beginning

when everything
is new and exciting,

or even when
it's not so new and exciting.

What are you doing?
We're supposed to be on I-70.

I'm not taking 70.
I know a shortcut.

Oh, God, not another shortcut.

We'll be lucky
if we're home by Christmas.

Fine, fine. We'll take 70.

But only because you're cute.

Oh.

After all,
the greatest love stories

are the ones that last forever.