The Middle (2009–2018): Season 4, Episode 23 - The Middle - full transcript

Brick, what are you
doing in there?

Get what you want
and shut the door.

But I've got my middle school
placement test tomorrow.

Mr. Walker said everyone has
to bring a healthy snack.

Well... yeah.

Here you go.
Jelly. Jelly's a fruit.

Can't get much healthier
than that.

- We're out of bread.
- Even better. You eat it with a spoon,

and the vitamins get
to your brain faster.

Fine.

Look at this.



We just got a pink cutoff
notice from the power company.

What? No, they can't do that.
We're only at green.

It goes green then yellow
then pink.

Hey, we're good,
non-paying-on-time customers.

They can't do that to us.

You're right.
We hold all the cards.

Somebody's gotta go down
there tomorrow and pay the bill.

Mm, I guess somebody does.

Well, I can't.
Axl's off school tomorrow,

so I'm taking him fishing,
remember? Borrowing Ed's boat.

Okay.
Olives are a vegetable.

Two, if you count the little
thing in the middle.

Now close the fridge.
You heard your dad.

They're gonna shut off
our power.



What are you doing?

You know, I've never really
looked at your room before.

When you feel your
nerd powers being drained,

do you come in here
to recharge?

Get out of here, Axl.

Oh, I'm going.
And you know why?

Because a journey
of a thousand miles

begins with a single step.

Hilarious.

Maybe I'll take a journey
to the kitchen

and tell mom you were
in my room!

Jeez, hang in there, baby.

Don't sweat the small stuff.

Would you just get out?!

I don't go into your room
and stare at your booger wall.

Hey! Some of those
aren't mine.

Whoa! Wait a sec.
How many of these

perfect attendance certificates
do you have?

Have you seriously never
missed a day of school?

Why would I not go to school?

Axl, the most powerful weapon
in the world is education.

Hmm.

So you've really never
skipped school?

Never? Not... once?

No. What if I missed
something important?

Wow. I am seriously worried
about you, Sue.

That is not normal.
I mean, you think...

This guy would have ever made it
to the top of that mountain

if he just sat at his desk
every day

winning perfect attendance
certificates?

Methinks he would not.

Axl's "methinks"
made Sue start to think.

Was it true?

Did she never leave
her comfort zone?

Was she afraid to fly?

Her posters,
once so inspirational,

now seemed to be mocking her.

Much as she hated to admit it,

she was not following
the advice of her own walls.

_

Bye, dad. I guess mom
already took Brick,

so I'm gonna go out
and catch the bus.

'Cause it'll be here soon...
to take me to school.

- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.

Have fun fishing, you guys.

I want to hear all about it...

after I come home tonight
from a full day of school,

which I am about to leave for.

- Oh, my God, just go.
- Yeah.

She was doing it.

She was pecking out
of that shell.

Yep, at the ripe old age of 16,

sue heck was gonna skip school.

Ugh! Are you serious?

Only one person working?
Oh, this is ridiculous.

I know, right?

I really cannot be late.

You know, my job's not nearly
as important as yours.

You go ahead, doctor.

Well, thank you.

- Thank you so much.
- Mm-hmm.

Remember to fill in
your circles completely.

Not an "X," not a scribble,

not a...

Brick, what are you doing?

This test is very important.

It determines
what track you'll be on

in middle school.

Oh, that's okay.

I've decided I'm not going
to middle school.

Of all the days to be
stuck here.

And I have so many patients.

I hear ya.
I've got appointments, too.

Yeah. Well, if it was
just me, it would be fine.

I just worry about the kids.

But I guess they can wait.

Except, of course,
Little Jimmy.

Uh, you know what?
Uh, why don't you go ahead?

- Oh, really? Oh...
- Yeah.

Thank you.

You saved a life today.

I couldn't believe it.

Was this really
how the other half lives?

This coat was power.

Sue's ditch day wasn't exactly fun yet.

But she knew as soon as she
intercepted the call

from the attendance office, she could
really start living.

Provided she stayed low
to the ground and out of sight.

Hello?

This is the Orson High
attendance office.

May I speak to Frankie Heck,
please?

Yes, this is she!

Why am I British?

I'm just verifying that
Sue Heck is home sick today.

Oh, yes. She is quite sick.

Sick as the Dickens,
I'm afraid.

Well, please make sure
she brings a note

with a parent signature.

- A note?
- Yes.

It's a requirement anytime
a student has been absent.

Very well. A note.

I'll add it to my shed-ule.

Cheerio!

I don't know what the issue is.

Now he's saying he doesn't want
to go to middle school at all.

Should we call the parents?

Sure.
Let's call the parents.

I mean, what do we even need
a school therapist for?

I mean, what do they need
any of us for, for that matter?

Is that what you're trying
to do, Mark?

Put us out of a job?

You don't like insurance?

68 days off every summer?

We have a sweet gig here.

We need to look out
for each other.

Well, prep the patient,

and I'll be there
as soon as I can.

Is the heart in yet
from Seattle Grace?

Yes, I know I'm the doctor
you come to

when no one else can do it,

but I'm stuck in line
at the power company.

Listen to me.
We're not gonna lose this kid.

I want you to run a CT, a CBC,

a chem-7, and a tox screen.

Thank you, "Grey's Anatomy."

You know, Axl, this is nice.
I'm glad we're doing this.

You'll be heading off
to college soon.

Yep. Closing the book
on 12 years of learning.

So glad that's done.

Yeah. Well,

you might not want to close
that book completely just yet.

- College is--
- Whoa!

Hey! What are you
talking about school for?

You're gonna ruin the trip.

I'm just saying,
you didn't exactly

light up the world
with your report cards.

College is a lot of work,

and I'm not gonna be there
to kick your butt every day.

Dad, I haven't even
graduated yet,

and you're already
putting pressure on me.

Look, you're not gonna
be able to skate by

like you did in high school.

It'll catch up to you there.

You gotta keep your eye on the ball.

There's gonna be all kinds
of distractions.

Important to stay focused.

All right.

All right.

All right.

I'm sorry. Wh-what was that
again you were telling me about,

uh, you know,
not getting distracted?

- All right.
- 'Cause that was hilarious.

I mean, you were totally
checking out those girls.

Hey, it was a large group.
All right?

You look at a large group
of anything--

gazelles, ants, RVs.

So, uh, what are you
gonna tell mom?

'Cause, uh, I'm allowed
to look at girls,

but I'm pretty sure you're not.

Hey, your mom spends
an awful lot of time

Googling Brian Williams.

Yeah. Wouldn't go
with that one.

Hey, Brick, you know, I just
thought we could chat. Huh?

So... what's up?
What's the haps?

Que pasa, as they say
in some lands, hmm?

How are things at home?

Anyone on drugs?

Well, our power's gonna be
turned off,

and my parents
are sending my brother away.

Also, I had secret agent
kittens in my closet.

Oh.

Th-- uh... does anyone else see
these kittens?

Oh, no. They're gone now,
'cause they got famous.

Oh...

How much do you think they're
gonna look at the signature?

'Cause my mom's handwriting
has this weird "K"

that I just can't seem
to get down.

I don't think they look
at the signature that closely.

So what's happening?

Is the whole school, like,
freaking out that I'm not there?

Um... I don't think so.

How 'bout you and your bad self?

OMG, are you having, like,
so much fun?

So much fun.

I don't know how much more
fun I can take.

So what time is it?

You guys almost done
for the day?

Sue, it's 10:15.

What!?

So, listen.
Usually I get

two notices and then a pink one,
but this time--

Oh, I'm so sorry, doctor.

There must be some error
on our part.

Let me check my computer.

I see they've added
some late charges,

but of course I'll waive those.

Oh. Excellent.

And somehow they've dropped
the "doctor" from your account.

I'll just add that back in.

Well, thank you, Sandra.
I appreciate it.

I mean, sure, it's just a title.
A few little letters.

But they do represent
so much training and expertise.

Now, can you put half
on my Discover Card

and half on my Kroger Card?

Hi, Brick.

I'm Curious Cat.

Please ignore the fact that
I'm anatomically correct,

as that has no bearing
on this discussion.

So, tell me, what's going on
in the wonderful world of Brick?

Really?

We're actually doing this?

Sorry, Curious Cat.

I guess Brick isn't
in the mood to chat.

Like that time Shelly
broke up with me

and I begged her
to talk it out,

and she just slammed
the door in my face.

She didn't deserve you.

Thank you, Curious Cat.

You get me.

Seems like you guys
have a lot to talk about.

Should I just leave
you two alone?

Frankie. Thank goodness
you're here.

We have a new patient
coming in,

the phone is ringing,
and I didn't know

what the "Hello, how are ya?" to do.

I'm sorry. I am so sorry.

I-I know it's just
my fifth day of work

and you don't know me
that well,

but this is not who I am.
I am not the late person.

It's just, if the person
I hired to answer the phone

isn't here to answer
the phone, then...

ring, ring. "Who's there?"
"I don't know.

No one's here
to answer the phone."

I know. I am so, so sorry.

I don't mean to be mean,

but you should probably be here

when you're supposed
to be here, you know?

Whew.

Sorry things got heated there.

Dr. Grouchy hasn't made
an appearance in a while,

but just, please, Frankie,
pretty please,

be on time.

Ugh! There he is again.

Hi, wel--

Hey!

From the line, right?

Hi!

Huh. I'm sorry. I assumed
you were a doctor.

You said something about
saving lives?

Well, tooth decay is

the number-one killer
of children.

Well, maybe not number one,

but it's definitely
in the top three.

Okay. I'm ready back here.

Oops! Hang on. We seem to be
missing a patient.

Sure hope we find one soon.

Okay.

Why don't you go on back
with my assistant,

and we can get started?

Don't judge.
What was I supposed to do?

I couldn't have my new boss
thinking I was crazy.

Oh, I got one. _

Oh... got away.

That was a big one, too.

Axl, stop screwing around
and get over here and help.

Why are you yelling at me?

I'm not the one who put
the boat in the ditch

'cause I was looking
at what I can't buy.

- Will you stop?
- Why? It's true.

Plus I told you
a really awesome idea

to get us out of here,
but you won't try it.

Okay, fine, smart guy. Let's try your way.

- Really?
- Hey, I didn't say I liked your idea.

I just said I'd try it.

Well, maybe if I put
a bikini on my idea,

- you'd like it.
- That's your last time.

Okay, let's
see what we've got here.

Oh, Brad, I really
don't feel well.

I need you to search
hives for me.

I can't do it, 'cause it'll
leave a trail on the computer,

and if my parents check
the history and see "hives,"

- they'll know I ditched.
- Sorry, Sue.

I gotta get back
to the assembly.

- Wait, wait. What assembly?
- Uh, only

the surprise assembly.

Everyone in school
got out of Math and English

to go to the gym to watch

four college a cappella groups
having a sing-off.

I totally think
the Testostitones

are gonna take it.

Also, reporters are here,
and Carly and I

got interviewed
for the 6:00 news.

I gotta get back in there, Sue.

They're handing out free ice cream!

♪ what's on your mind? ♪

♪ how you doing today? ♪

♪ have you-- ♪

That's it.
Really get in there.

Explorer.

That's right.
This is an explorer.

Oh. Okay. The more, the merrier, I guess.

Let's see.

There's some decay
on the mesial buccal surface

of number two...

Bingo. That's right.
That's a hard one to find.

Let's go, old man.
Keep rocking it!

Come on!
Put your back into it!

I'm gonna put my boot
into something in a second.

Hey, relax, all right?

This is only phase one
of the plan.

What's phase two?

Whoa!

Oh! Yes!

Ha ha ha!

Look whose plan worked!

Guess you don't need a shovel
when you got an Ax, huh?

Sue wanted to salvage
what was left

of her day of fun,
so she crawled to the one place

she could stay out of sight and relax.

It's gorgeous, honey.
Where'd you get that?

Can you believe it? Now
I have a contact, and they...

Uhh! Ahh!

No...

I'm desperate here, Brad.

I need you to search stains.

What gets out pop and salsa--

Hang on.

I got a mouthful
of pralines and cream.

Brad! My mom's
gonna be home soon!

Ugh! This is
the worst day ever.

Why did I think I
needed to break out of my comfort zone?

I love school.
I love my egg!

This is all Axl's fault.

You know, he twisted
the meanings of my posters

all around.

People can still climb mountains
without skipping school.

They just do it
outside of school hours.

No!

A-all right, Brick.

I give up.

If the Tribe of Truth
doesn't work,

I don't know what will.

I've done everything
a professional therapist can do

to justify his job.

I just don't get it.

Why don't you want to go
to middle school?

Oh. Was that what this
was all about?

Well, at the middle school,

the handles on the water
fountains are on the right,

and I'm used to having them
be on the left

like they are here.

It's kind of a big change,

and I don't think
I'm ready for it.

That's what you're
worried about?

Water fountains?

Brick, half the water fountains
at the middle school

don't even work.
The place is a dump.

I mean, if you're gonna
worry about anything,

- it should be the asbestos.
- What?

Nothing-- no. No, no, no.
It's fine.

It's nothing worry about.
It--

you know, it's a silent killer.

I guess I'd feel better
about middle school

if I was going with my friend.

Oh. Well, who's your friend?

You.

Oh...

Wow, Brick.

Oh, God, I-I wish Shelly
could hear this.

Don't tell me
I don't connect to kids.

Maybe it's just 'cause your kids
are a couple of hell-raisers.

- Uh, what's that?
- Nothing. Nothing, Brick.

But I have some good news.

Yeah, due to the crushing
defeat of the latest bond issue,

I now have to do the work
of three people.

So... I am at the middle school
Tuesdays and Thursdays.

You are? So we can
keep hanging out?

You got it, buddy.

And you'll...

Yes, I'll talk to them
about the water fountains.

Great.

- So let's take that test.
- All right!

- So we filled the mesial occlusal...
- So we filled the mesial occlusal...

- on number 31.
- on number 31.

- Uh, your tongue is gonna be numb...
- Your tongue is gonna be numb

- for a little while...
- So just be careful about what you eat.

So just be careful about
what you eat.

- Frankie, could I see you
outside for a minute? - Sure.

What is going on with you?

All day long you've been
acting like a--

pardon my French--
a weirdo.

I mean, I love the repeating
game more than anybody,

but I just don't think
it's appropriate for work.

Okay, look.

The truth is...

I think this guy
is stalking me.

I saw him at the power company
this morning, and now he's here.

I had no idea.

Thank you for your honesty.

Boy, I remember how nervous
I was telling my dad,

"Dad, I hate dentistry!
I want to be a fireman!"

But then I didn't pass
the fireman test

'cause I had a bad eye.
This one's glass.

It's not.
But I wish it was,

then I wouldn't
have to be a dentist.

Hey.

Maybe I should just
"drop him" from the practice

so you don't have to
see him again.

You know,
I think that would be best.

We don't need that kind
of crazy around here.

Well, it's true what they say.

He who lies once finds it
much easier to lie again.

I read that on a poster
somewhere--

probably in Sue's room.

You know, I'm starting
to understand

how Lance Armstrong
got in so deep.

What?

Nothing.

Um... it's just, uh,

you're checking out girls, you're
crashing boats.

- This is a whole new you.
- Yeah.

Well, don't get used to it.

Nah, it's cool.

I've never really seen you
mess up before.

Really? I guess you
haven't been watching.

You know, that, uh,
motor thing--

that was a good idea.

I never would have
thought of that.

You might do okay
in college after all.

Come on...

Come on!

Hey, mom.
School was great.

There was an a cappella
group sing-off.

And ice cream!

I'll be in my room.

It's funny.

You think you know
what your family does

when they walk out the door
every morning,

but you know what?

You don't always know
everything.

So how was everybody's day?

The test was good.
Nothing special.

- Normal day.
- Fishing was good.

Yep.
How was work?

You know. Work's work.

Yep. These were gonna be
great stories-- someday.

But not today.

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