The Middle (2009–2018): Season 4, Episode 18 - The Name - full transcript

Finals--

the time when students all over
put aside distractions

and focus their full attention
on their studies...

unless they're a mom.

Brick, get a napkin.

Oh, that's okay.
I don't need one.

Well, you're-- you're dripping
all over my book. Here.

Give me that.

Hello?

Hey, Janet.
Yep, pretty busy.

Trying to study
for finals next week.



Mom! Where's my favorite shirt?

I thought your favorite shirt
was your chest.

Don't try to be funny.
It's just sad.

Uh-huh.

- Yeah, uh-huh?
- Mom!

I'm having dinner
with Cassidy's parents tonight.

I need that shirt.

I'm talking to Aunt Janet.
Try the laundry room.

God.

So anyway, I'm trying
to learn this stuff, and it--

Frankie, where are my keys?

How am I supposed to know
where your keys are?

Mom, you have to find
dad's keys.

I have my driver's license
test today,



and I cannot handle
any extra stress.

Hey, get-- get out of there.
They're not in my purse.

Well, you're always taking 'em.

I didn't take your stupid...

Seriously, people,
I have to study.

Out, out, out, out.

It's amazing how your kid
can be completely unhelpful

and horrible to you,

but he goes over
to someone else's house, and...

Hey, Mrs. Finch,
let me do that for you.

Oh, thanks, Axl,
you're so thoughtful.

Oh, I just don't like
sittin' around.

When I'm home,
I have to be helping.

So, um, where was I?

Oh, yeah. So I'm running down
the hall...

totally late for class.

Well, of course,
my shoe comes off,

but that's the problem
with velcro, right?

Anyway, I'm just about
to my classroom,

but here comes Mr. Farrar
with the tardy sweeps,

so I reach into my pocket
for my hall pass,

but all I find is a giant hole.

Came up empty, did ya?

Yeah. So at this point,
I figure I got three options--

take detention, duck into
the girls' bathroom,

or make a run for it.

So guess what I--

Hey. Remember me?

- Cliff?
- Hey, there's the college boy!

Hey!

Okay, I'm just gonna
start apologizing.

I swear I didn't know
he was gonna be here.

Oh, it's okay.

Um... wait.
Who is he?

Cliff. The old boyfriend
who shows up unannounced

- to return a book.
- Hmm.

Oh, um, I'm sorry.

I-- you know what? I'm just
gonna sneak out of here.

No, stay.
We're just about to eat.

Have you had dinner?

Mom, that could not
be creepier.

No, it's cool.
I'm cool.

Um, Cliff, huh?

Axl. Uh, yeah.
Take a seat or... whatever.

Thanks, Axl.
You're a solid guy.

- All right. Here you go.
- Thank you.

- Let's eat.
- All right.

Uh, so listen, I, uh,
I really just dropped by

to return this to you, Kevin.

- Oh.
- I found it really fascinating.

Yeah, well,
I thought you might.

It turns out the author

- is actually a Professor at Northwestern.
- Mm-hmm.

You know, Axl was in the middle
of a really interesting story.

Oh, yeah.
How did that, uh, turn out?

Oh.
Well, turns out my hall pass

had fallen down my pant leg
into my shoe.

So I got out of detention
seven minutes early. Mm-hmm.

Practically unheard of.

- Um... yeah.
- Lasagna. Mm-hmm.

Well, I should get back to...

Nope. Did not get it.

Oh, well, not everybody
passes the first time.

Yeah. Apparently, they have
this list of infractions,

that if you do any of them,
it's an automatic fail.

- Mm.
- Speeding, failing to obey signs,

backing over a curb,
running off the road...

What did you do?

All that.

She even clipped
the side of the building.

They're adding that
to the list for next year.

Right.

Janet.

Surprise!

It's your fairy godsister!

Oh, my God!
What are you doing here?

Oh!

Your stressed-out voice
on that phone

was like a bat signal,
telling me, "come now!"

Now don't you worry
about a thing.

You just concentrate
on studying for your test.

I am here to take care
of the cooking,

the cleaning,
getting the kids to school.

Yeah, definitely the cleaning.

I have never loved you more
than this moment.

- Oh!
- Oh!

Hi, Brick!
Give your favorite auntie a hug!

Is Lucy here?

No, I'm sorry, Brick.

She's at spring break
sleepaway camp this week.

So I am here solo for one reason
and one reason only,

and that is to take care
of your mama.

Yay! I finally have someone
to take care of me. Ha!

- Oh. - Oh, stop, Frankie.
I will take care of it.

Okay.

Wow. You do not stack
your pans, do you?

You okay in there?

Quick question--
where do you keep your strainer?

We don't have one.

We use the filter
on top of the coffeepot.

If you have a problem with
caffeine, don't make spaghetti.

Hey, mom, guess what?

I was thinking about
my driver's test the other day,

and, yeah,
feeling kind of bummed.

And then it hit me--
I am so lucky.

How do you figure?

Well, if I had passed,

my driver's license
would have said "Sue Sue Heck,"

which would have been
a disaster.

Oh, my God, Frankie,
do you mean to tell me

that you still haven't changed
her middle name?

It wasn't my fault. It was
a mistake at the hospital.

You have to right this wrong.

Look at this--

Sue Sue Heck is your
procrastination personified.

It's a message
that you send out to the world

saying, "my parents do not care,

my parents are lazy,

my parents would
rather watch TV than--"

Fine. She can change it.

Aah! Aah!
I'm so excited!

We all know how important
middle names are.

Yeah!

Ohh.

Got that done.

I'm so sorry about
my parents the other night.

They took the breakup
pretty hard.

If it were legal,

I'm pretty sure they would
have chosen him over me.

Nah, it's cool.
He seems like a great guy.

I mean, I'd never break up
with him, that's for sure.

Unless it was to date me.
Because I am me.

So... you see
my problem, right?

Well, your problem
certainly isn't humility.

Mmm.

Hey.

Seriously?

Ah. I like your bike, Axl.

It's good for the planet.
Keep it up, man.

Heh. That is the plan.

So what are you
doing here, Cliff?

Well, you remember how
we signed up to build the houses

for Habitat for Humanity?

God, that
was, like, months ago.

I know. I, uh,
I forgot about it, too.

But it's actually
in a couple days.

I didn't know if you
were still planning to go?

I'm going.

But if you don't wanna go now,
it's-- it's copacetic.

I just need
to let them know, so...

Oh, I don't think so.

I want to help,
but things are different now.

Hey, I mean...

I don't want people not
having a house 'cause of me.

So you guys should do it.
You should totally go.

I'm all for helping people.

- Really?
- Oh, yeah.

I mean,
maybe I could come with.

You know, I was gonna
go wash old people

down at the senior center,
but this is cool, too.

That'd be terrific.

Volunteering's
a beautiful way to give back.

That's how C and I met,
actually.

Cleaning pelicans.

So you guys want a ride home?

Thanks, but I'm getting
a ride from Axl.

Uh...

no. No, you should
go with him.

He's got a car,

and I am totally copacetic
with that.

Besides, I feel like
poppin' some wheelies.

Okay.

Call you later.

Mm-hmm. Whoo!

As the days went by,

Janet became more and more...

helpful.

Frankie, I can't get the
washing machine to work.

I told you,
cold is hot and hot is cold,

and you gotta jiggle the knob
before you can turn it.

And don't forget the duct tape.

Nope. It still won't work.

Plus you're out of detergent.

I'm gonna put it
on your shopping list.

- Where's your shopping list?
- There is no list.

Okay, not to worry.
I will make one.

But what should I write on?
Where's your scratch paper?

Where isn't my scratch paper?

Okay, no problem.
I will take care of it,

because I am here to help you.

So where do you want
your organization center?

I like mine by the phone,

but it can also be
by the fridge.

Yeah, I don't care.

But it's your house.

You should want it
where you want it.

- Fine. The fridge.
- Let's do phone.

Hey, quick question--
what color pens do you like?

I like black.
Some people like blue,

but red can always come in handy
every once in a while.

You know what?
I'm gonna get all three.

Do you want me
to get sharpies, too?

I can get sharpies.

'Cause you only have one,
and those always come in handy.

Dinner is served.

Whoa! This actually
looks good.

Where did you order from?

- I made it.
- You made it here?

Our kitchen can do this?

I know fast food is
the normal routine around here.

But that's only because
your mom is so disorganized.

But I am here
to get her back on track.

Okay, guys, I have been making
a list of my new middle names,

and I will now present to you
the top candidates.

Oh, yay. This is fun.

"Bijou."

Gesundheit.

- I like "Bijou."
- I like "Gesundheit."

Yeah, what else you got?

Okay, next name-- "Coco."

Okay. "Coco" it is.
Done and done.

How committed are you to Sue?

'Cause I think "Coco Gesundheit"
is a great name.

Sue's not changing her name
to "Coco Gesundheit."

Does it have to be a name?

What about a sound,
like... "uch"?

You can't have a name
that's a sound.

Why not? It's what people
always say anyway.

"Hey, look,
here comes Sue. Uch."

Think it might work. U-C-H.
"Uch."

Wouldn't "uch"
start with an "E"?

Mm. Maybe a silent "Y."

Her name's not
gonna be "uch."

I was also thinking I could
go with something

more like a place name.

"Paris." "Brooklyn."

"Gatlinburg."

Three more winners,
right there.

Dad, you're just agreeing
with whatever I say.

I really have to figure
this out

before you take me
to the courthouse on Thursday.

I'm taking her
to the what-house?

Well, I'm not doing it.
I have to study.

And Janet apparently thinks

this is the perfect time
to change her name.

Then maybe you should
budget your time better,

like your sister said.

Oh, yeah, side with her.

It's her fault
we're doing this right now.

Well, Frankie, you should have
done it a long time ago.

Well, if he would have
filled out the form correctly...

You were there, too, Frankie.

Yeah, I was busy pushing
a person through my legs.

What were you doing?

You know, we had
Lucy's form filled out

before I even went
to the hospital.

Nobody cares, Janet.

You know what? Forget it.
I'll pick it on my own.

I'll just pick a name at random,
and that'll be it.

Bertha.

I've got my bridge project
due tomorrow.

What bridge project?

We have to build a bridge
out of popsicle sticks.

And you're just starting now?

No, I'm not. I've been
eating popsicles for a week.

Brick, we could have
just bought the sticks,

and you could have
been using this time

to build the actual bridge.

What? You could have
told me that

before I went up a pants size.

"Gertrude."
Okay, maybe one more shot.

"Sylvia."
What year is this book from?

Okay, does anybody else have
any big projects due tomorrow

that I don't know about?

I'm building a house
for the poor.

- Start here.
- Sue.

Great. I picked my own name.

Did you guys know
that "Sue" means "Lily"?

Lily. That's not bad.

It really fits you.

I'm just saying, as her father,

I would miss "Sue Sue."

- You're taking her.
- Mm.

Oh, my God. I overslept.

Come on, Brick.
Grab some glue.

We'll throw together a bridge
in the car.

Wait.

Did we finish that last night,
and I just forgot?

No. You said you'd help me,

and then you went to
the bathroom

and never came back.

Aunt Janet helped me.

Yes. Anyone can make
the Golden Gate

or Brooklyn Bridge,
but we made the Tappan Zee.

Anyhow, there's no need
to rush, Frankie.

I will be taking Brick
to school today.

Oh!

- And there's a frittata for
you in the oven. - Oh!

I don't even know what that is!

Thought you guys
could use a pick-me-up.

Oh, my God, you read my mind.

Oh, me, too. Love me
a good cup o' Joe.

Okay. I'm done
with these boards.

What else can I do?

Well, you can cut
some headers with a saw.

Come on. I'll help you.

Now you're gonna put
your hand right here.

- Okay.
- All right? Other hand right here.

Okay.

Aah.

Good job.

Okay. Watch your fingers.

Here. Let me help you
with that.

Ready? Right on the money.

Axl!

What are you doing?

What? I thought
you needed help.

But whatever if you don't.
No biggie.

Okay. Let's raise this wall,
huh?

"Raise this wall."

One, two, three.

All right, guys.
Right... there.

Hey, Axl,
is your section braced?

Uh, yeah. I think
I know what I'm doing.

I've taken shop three times.

I've built five partially
functioning bird houses.

Never heard any
of the birds complaining.

Okay, then.
I think we're good, guys.

Good job.

Ha ha.

Yeah.

Isn't this place amazing?

Passports, marriage licenses,
jury duty--

it's like all of life
in one building.

You can do anything here.

Except sit down...
or park for free.

It's so cool.

And it was cool...
all day long.

They went upstairs when they
were at the wrong window,

they went downstairs
when they had the wrong form,

and they went home when Sue
forgot her birth certificate.

Yep, it was definitely cool.

Well, so much
for the bridge project.

Brick, what happened?

You didn't walk him in?

It was only 8 feet, Frankie.

Are you still
taking stuff in for him?

Now how does that teach him
independence?

You know, at Lucy's school,

they teach the "little engine
that could" method.

"I think I can, I think I can,"

and eventually, they can.

Yeah, well, this is Brick.

I don't "think he can."

I know he can't.

Mr. Walker said if I bring
another one in tomorrow,

he won't take off any points.

Guess I better get to work.

Don't worry, Frankie.
I'll help him.

He will get it done.

Because I think you can.

I think you can,
I think you can,

I think you can,
I think you can,

I think you can...

I want you
to help me, not Aunt Janet.

Oh, cry me a river.

I'm going on 40 years
of this crap.

But she's so bossy.

Bossy.

Shh!

I'm changing my name.

Yeah. I'm gonna be
Sue Lily.

"Sue" means "Lily" in French.

Next?

Wait a second.

If "Sue" means "Lily,"

then "Sue Lily"
is the same as "Sue Sue."

Oh, no. No, no, no,
no, no, no.

I-I need to change it.
I-I need a pen.

Where's the form? We need
to go to the back of the line.

Not a chance. We're next.

You take one step
out of this line,

and I'm changing my name
and vanishing without a trace.

Okay. Okay.

Yeah, uh, I can do this.

Uh... Sue... Betsy.

Sue... Mackenzie.

Sue... Bench.

Sue... Probation.

- Next.
- Sue Next!

Let's see. Okay.

You're changing your name
from Sue Sue Heck.

Sue Sue?

Wow, that's different.

You know, I've been doing
this job for 40 years,

and I gotta tell you--

I've never seen a name
as unusual as Sue Sue.

Really?

Wait!

_

_

Okay, if...
if you squint

and have
a real good imagination,

that sort of
looks like a bridge.

Mom, this isn't your best work
of my work.

Look, we're shooting
for a "D" here, Brick,

which is probably what
I'm gonna get on my own test

if I don't start studying.
Now get to bed.

Frankie, I'm sensing
your stress.

What... can... I... do...
to... help... you?

Honestly, just let me study.

You know what I think?

I think somebody
could use a little sister time.

Somebody else, maybe.

- Just-- just let me--
- Ah, ah, ah!

- Oh, come on. Let me--
- You can't fool me.

I know you better than anybody.

Something is wrong.
Just tell your sissy. Come on.

There's nothing to tell.

Are you taking time for you?

- I'm trying.
- Come on.

This is just Frankie Pants
and Janny Boo talking.

I can tell that you're unhappy.

Really? And can you tell
I'm unhappy right now?

'Cause Janny Boo
is driving me nuts!

You say you're helping,

and then all you do is
suck and suck

and suck up all my time!

You're like
an emotional vacuum cleaner!

"Oh, can I help you?

Can I clang the pots
a little louder?

Can I throw my life
in your face

to show you
how much better it is?"

Oh, Janet's here! Yay!

My life is so much easier!

How could I ever thank you?
Ooh! I know.

I'll write you a note from your
friggin' organization center!

Tough day at
the do-whatever-you-want plant?

I don't wanna talk about it.

Okay, thanks.

It's just... ugh! Cassidy
and her dumb ex-boyfriend.

She's all into him now.

Oh. She said that?

No, but it's totally obvious.

He stayed for dinner
the other night.

So she invited him?

No. She was all,
"oh, my God, Axl,

this is so awkward.
Are you okay?"

So what'd you say?

I said it was fine,

but then he shows up at school

and invites us to build houses
for poor people.

Sounds like a real jerk.

Yeah. So today, we're hammering
nails and sawing boards

and stuff, and of course,
he's all good at it,

and then I drop one wall
and slam my hand in a car door,

and everyone's all,
"oh, my God, are you okay?

Do you want us to take you
to the hospital?

You want a granola bar?
You want some tea?"

I mean, right?

You had to be there.

Were you there?

Uh... you-- you know what?
You don't get it,

'cause...

they were... they...

I'm an idiot.

There you go.

Oh, Janet, don't cry.

I didn't mean it.

I-I've been stressed out.
I-I was so mean.

I'm a mean, mean sister.

Yes, you are.

Look, it's just
that I'm so tired,

and I have this test coming up,

and I'm scared
I'm going to fail.

And then you show up,

and everything's
all great for you.

Look, I know my life's a mess,
and you're just trying to help,

but I feel like you're
judging me, and you're right--

Oh, my God,
I'm not judging you.

You're the one
who's got it all together.

What? You've just
spent a week in this war zone.

How can you say that?

You honestly think
your life's a mess?

My life's a mess.

I'm a horrible mother.
Lucy's out of control.

It doesn't matter
what I say to her.

She screams at me.
She throws her toys.

She's turning out bad, Frankie.
Really, really bad.

- What?
- See this?

This was me asking her
if she wanted to take a bath.

Did you have that looked at?

She's a nightmare.

The only break I get is when she
holds her breath and passes out.

Mm.

We sent her away, Frankie.

Shipped her off
to a fix-it camp.

Camp Tantrum.
They call it Camp Tant-a-Rum,

but we all know what it is.

Lucy's gonna be so pissed
when she gets home.

I'm scared, Frankie.
I'm so scared.

I had no idea. Oh!

I really didn't.

All those years,
you can know somebody

and really never know.

That's the thing
about realizations.

Sometimes they come suddenly...

I know I said
you needed me, Frankie.

But that's not why I'm here.

The truth is, I needed you.

Oh! I need you, too.

- Really?
- Yes.

- Oh!
- Oh!

You don't keep tissues
on your nightstand?

Seriously, Frankie,
how do you live like this?

Oh!

Sometimes they come after
11 hours at the courthouse.

And sometimes you worry
they come a little too late.