The Middle (2009–2018): Season 4, Episode 10 - Twenty Years - full transcript

Through all history big brothers
have been torturing their little brothers.

But sometimes, little bothers
get the upper hand.

Give me back my guitar!

No. I wont it playing
air hockey fair and square.

What? (Scoffs)
But you don't even use it!

That's not true.

I use it to store
my post-its.

(Laughs) Wow.
You know?

I'm bigger and stronger than you,
so I could just take it back...

You take it back and I'll tell all your
friends that I beat you in air hockey.

I like this wire the best.



It's a string!

T-minus one day

until the "Planet Nowhere"
book releases.

Now that we're
in the home stretch,

I'll be switching
to hourly updates.

Brick, enough
with the reminders.

Your dad said
he was gonna take you.

You're not the most
reliable people.

Oh, and don't forget
my costume.

I just need a furry hat
and gloves that look like rocks.

And obviously, of course,
a pointy nose.

Wouldn't want
to look like an idiot.

Brick, I need to see you
in my room right away.

It's muy importante.



(Lowered voice)
Okay, as I'm sure you know,

it's mom and dad's
anniversary coming up.

It's their 20th!

(Singsongy) So what are
we gonna do for them?

We've lit up their lives
every day.

What more do they want?

I want to throw them
a big surprise party,

like you guys did for me.

You guys got me so good.
Remember?

Hmm.

Sue, I'm gonna be busy reading.

The seventh and final
"Planet Nowhere" book

comes out tomorrow.

I've been reading these books
for over half my life--

six years!

It's all been building up
to this final book.

You guys, it's their 20th.

Hey, I have an idea.
How 'bout we blow this one off

and really hit it hard
for their 40th?

Axl, there might not be a 40th.
They're getting older.

They might be dead by then.

(Gasps)

- Oh, my God.
- Sue, get a grip.

Okay, look--

let's just figure out
who's doing what.

Invitations?

I'll do those. Food?

I got it.
How about finding a venue?

That's more of a me job.
Tell you what--

how 'bout you guys
just work on the skit, okay?

- Can we go?
- Whatevs.

Okay. But let's all leave
the room at different times.

And everybody act normal.

(Whispers) Raise no suspicion!

So that's why
I think he'll concentrate

more on the Silligans,
who live in the outer rings,

but we haven't heard from them
since book four,

so who knows?

Certainly not me.

Okay, I'll start
at the beginning.

- Hmm.
- So there's this planet

that exists
outside of time and space,

its future rested
solely on the whims

of the mighty
dwarf warrior Gallantra.

Wow.
Your 20th anniversary.

That's a really big deal,
Frankie.

A really, really big deal.

Oh, I don't know.
People get so nuts.

It's just one year
later than the 19th.

Still, glad you made me
buy him a card.

(Laughs)

(Indistinct conversations)
Ooh, what's going on here?

I bet it's a book signing.

This is where I got
Joy Behar's autograph.

Have you read "Joy Shtick"?
I'll lend you my copy.

No, they're releasing the last
"Planet Nowhere" book today.

Actually, Mike and Brick
should be in line somewhere.

Oh, I see 'em.
There they are.

(Gasps) Aw.
Look how cute Mike is.

He really is cute, isn't he?

You know what?
I'm gonna call him

and tell him I see a cute guy

standing in line at the bookstore.
(Laughs)

(Dials cell phone)
You two are adorable.

(Laughs) (Cell phone rings)

(Ring)

(Beep)

They're taking Soran
and Ramale to the Outer Rings!

The Outer Rings! I knew it!
(Tv playing indistinctly)

Hello.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Did you happen to get
a phone call from me today?

Uh...

Oh, yeah. I guess I did.

Probably didn't hear it ring.

Oh, really?

(Tv turns off)

Well, I happened to be
walking by the bookstore,

and I saw you
look at your phone,

see it was me,

and then shove me back
into your pocket

with your change and your lint.

Nancy Donahue saw it, too.

Yeah. It was
kind of embarrassing.

So you're mad

because Nancy Donahue
saw me not take your call?

No. I'm mad because
after 20 years,

my husband no longer
wants to speak to me.

You know, it's our 20th
anniversary, Mike.

That's a really big deal.
A really big deal!

Come on, Frankie.

You-- you never get tired
and don't feel like talking?

No. My husband calls,
I pick up the phone.

What if it had been
an emergency?

Was it an emergency?

No. For your information,

I was calling
to tell you you were cute.

See, that's the problem
with cell phones.

It's created a world
where people call you

just... with whatever thought
pops into their head.

What I do is, I actually
remember the interesting things

that happen during the day,

and then I share them
when I get home.

If you think about it,
that's... much more thoughtful.

Oh, I see. So you ignoring
my phone calls

is actually
you being thoughtful?

I'm just saying
there's two sides.

No, there's not.
There's one very mean side.

And you know what?
Now that I'm looking at you,

I'm glad you didn't answer.

'Cause you're not that cute...
at all.

You're actually kind of old.

(TV turns on)

Has anyone seen
my "Planet Nowhere" book?

I set it down on the air hockey
table for a second

because my eyes
were starting to cramp,

- and now it's gone.
- Wow.

- That is weird.
- You.

You stole my book!

Brick, there's only one reason
I'd steal your book,

and that would be
to draw boobs on it.

And if I did that,

I would obviously
show it to you.

This is all about
the guitar, isn't it?

You just couldn't stand
the fact that I had your guitar,

so now you took my book.

Mom, tell Axl
to give me back my book.

You can find your book
after dinner.

I was gonna read it at dinner.

Well, I guess now you're just
gonna have to interact.

(Mouth full) So, Mike,

I can't wait to hear about
all the interesting things

that happened today that you've
been saving up to share.

Everybody be quiet. Shh.

Your dad's gonna talk.

You have the floor.

As a matter of fact,
there was something interesting.

Today was Dave's birthday,

so a couple ladies in
bookkeeping threw him a party.

Eep!

Yeah. He was
pretty surprised.

(High-pitched whine)

Oh, my God.
That was so close.

(Breathing deeply) Oh, God.
When dad said "surprised,"

I totally thought
they were onto us.

You know, I don't know
how you guys kept it together.

Where's my book, Axl?
I know you took it.

Hey!
Until I see some proof,

I will not even address
these malicious

and spurious charges!

"Law & Order." Watch it.

- Axl!
- Shh!

(Toilet flushes)

(Whispering)
Will you guys be quiet?

They're almost
onto us as it is!

(Jiggles handle)

(Gurgling) (Gasps) Oh, my God!

Oh! It's coming up!
It's coming up!

Stop! Where are you going?
I need your help!

While Sue plunged deeper
into party planning,

Brick continued his
increasingly desperate search.

(Axl chuckles)

Looking for this?
(Chair creaks)

I knew it.

I knew you took it.
Give it back right now.

Unh-unh-unh. Mm.

Since you've been raving
so much about this book,

I decided to read it
for myself.

Not the whole thing, of course.
Just the last chapter.

(Inhales sharply)
Wanna know how it ends?

What? No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

(Singsongy) Pretty juicy.

Please, Axl, please don't
tell me the ending.

I've spent six years of my life
waiting to see how it ends!

I don't know.
It's just so good.

I gotta tell somebody.

You can have the guitar back.
It's all yours!

Eh, I don't want
the guitar anymore.

I'm kinda into reading now.

Please, Axl.
Come on. Just...

Just give me the book back.

Yeah, okay. (Chuckles)

(Exhales deeply)

Thank you.

Professor Faxon has been dead
the whole time.

- No!
- The Seventh Circle only exists

in Professor Faxon's mind!

No!

Planet Nowhere is just Earth
four million years ago!

No!

(Thud) (Gasps and groans)

Oh!

(Sighs)

Brick?

I think I killed Brick!

(Exhales)
Oh, my God. Still?

It's been two days.
Now you're just milking it.

You're making me feel like
this is somehow my fault.

Fine. Be a baby.

I'm just saying,
you should eat something,

'cause it's not healthy.

Our 20th anniversary
was just 2 days away.

Did I really
want to be fighting?

I figured
Mike had suffered enough.

Mike, I'm sorry I--

Mike?

(TV playing indistinctly)

Hey. What is this?
What are you doing?

(Mouth full) Nothing.
Just having a steak.

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

Frankie, don't get
all worked up.

I just-- I mean,
first the phone call,

and now this--
I don't believe this.

It's no big deal.

Oh, it is so a big deal.

So what? You just come here
and eat steak?

You just sit here
and eat without me?

Yeah, sometimes.

Sometimes?

You've done this before?

It's quiet. I like it.

So you're saying you can't
enjoy yourself during the day?

No. Can you?

Well...
I just think it's rude.

You're having fun in the middle
of the night without me.

You're cheating on me with fun.

(Laughs) Frankie, come on.

You make a big deal
of the smallest things.

It's a freezer-burned steak.
Here, you want a bite?

No, I don't want a bite.

I want to be invited
by my husband

to have dinner with him.

You know, this is worse
than an affair.

(Chuckles) - What?
- Yeah. I could understand

if there were someone prettier
or younger than me.

But you're more interested
in nobody.

That hurts.

It's a steak.

I was hungry.
I made a steak.

You know, I was rolling over
to say "I'm sorry."

I was about to apologize.

You know, I think
it's really convenient

that you're always "about to"
do something really nice

just before I do something
you blame me for.

Well, by the way,

I wasn't rolling over
to apologize.

I was rolling over
to apologize.

Should have
picked up that phone.

(Bicycle bell dings)

- Hey, Grandpa Big Mike.
- What are you doing here?

Did you get my message about
my parents' anniversary party?

Oh, I doubt it.

None of my answering machines
are working.

Oh, well, it's next Tuesday,
and there's gonna be

tons of speeches
and toasts and stuff,

and I was wondering if you might
have some stories about them

that you'd like to share?

No, thanks.

Really?

What about the first time
you met my mom?

Well... (Clicks teeth)

She seemed nice enough,

and I said, "are you really
going to marry this guy?"

And she said, "yeah."

And I said, "all right."

(Chuckles)

You looking for more?

She was, but she wasn't
getting it from Big Mike.

Why are we meeting
in mom and dad's room?

Because this is the last place

mom and dad would ever
expect us to be. Oh!

And by the way, we got nothin'.

Our party is a disaster.

The church
is no longer available.

Turns out they do Zumba Jesus
on Tuesday nights.

(Pencil scratches) Grandma
and grandpa are on vacation.

(Scratch) Grandpa Big
Mike was a big "no."

(Scratch) I told all of their
friends to save the date,

and none of them did!
(Scratch)

And have you and Brick
written the skit yet?

No. Of course not.

So basically...

we don't have anything!

You know what?
A lot of this is your fault.

I really could have
used Brick's help,

but you broke him!

Well... he took my guitar.
He brought this on himself.

- He had to feel my wrath.
- Well, you know what?

None of this is gonna stop me.

Because Sue Heck
does not give up.

Why not? If anyone
should give up, it's you.

We are just gonna
have to scale it down!

Simplify.
Work within our means.

But it is still
gonna be spectacular,

and it is still gonna be
super secret!

So... lock it up!

No mistakes!

(Hisses)

Hey, I was thinking maybe
we could go out to dinner

tomorrow night
for our anniversary.

I hear they re-did
the fountain at Fountains.

- New bubbler.
- Okay, but we should eat light,

'cause I know you have
a reservation for one

at 1:00 in the living room.

(Sighs) Look, I'm just
trying to get through this.

Aw.
After 20 years of marriage,

"look, I'm just trying
to get through this."

Thanks so much.
That's beautiful.

It's like a fairy tale.

(Scoffs) You are putting
way too much pressure

on the 20-year thing,
Frankie.

Remember, we both said
it's just a number--

one year after the 19th.
It's not that big a deal.

Clearly.

Ugh. Why do the kids always
leave their crap in here?

Mike, look at this.

They're throwing
a surprise party for us.

(Flips page)

(Gasps)

It's all our friends and family
together at our church.

I can't believe
they're doing this.

Music and speeches and a skit.

And it's all happening.
Everything's crossed off.

We have the best kids.
Don't we have the best kids?

Yeah. Almost makes you
want to forgive

the husband
that gave 'em to ya.

Here, put this back
in Sue's room.

Okay.

The next day was
our anniversary,

and I was flying high.

- Our kids weren't quite that excited.
- You guys!

You're supposed to be
helping me with the party!

You know what your jobs are,
so do them!

Sisters, huh?
(Chuckles) She's crazy.

Good thing we got each other.
Right, bro?

Come on, Brick.

What do you want me to say?

I can't rewind time.
I can't undo what I did.

I messed up. I'm sorry.

Just be my brother again,
all right?

I can't be alone
with these people.

I don't play sports.

I don't exactly have
a ton of friends.

I have books.

You don't read.
You don't understand.

You don't know what it's like
to live in different worlds,

to travel on great adventures
through the galaxy

with people you know better
than you know your own family,

to live and die with them.

Have you ever loved anything?

Do you have any idea?

These are my friends, Axl--

my best friends in the world.

You took away something from me

that I can never get back.

You took it,

and you wrecked it.

(Books thud)

(Exhales)

So the night of the party
had arrived,

and Mike and I were fully
prepared to be surprised.

Now what?

I don't know.
I guess we wait.

Hmm.

Do you think
they got a party bus?

Huh.

You know, even though I know
we're being surprised,

I'm kind of excited
for everyone to jump out

- and yell "surprise."
- Yeah.

Hey.

What are you guys
doing tonight?

- Um, nothing. Just hangin'.
- Hangin'.

Oh, really?

'Cause I think you are having

a 20th anniversary party!

What?! No way!
(Laughs)

- Are you serious?
- Yeah!

- Did you hear that, Mike?
- Wow.

(Laughs) I'm really surprised.

Follow me.

No. This way.

(Italian instrumental music
playing)

(Sue) Welcome.
We have a lovely evening

of skits, songs, and celebration
of your marriage,

followed by a delicious
spaghetti dinner.

Now sit down and enjoy
some nice appetizers.

Are you sure
we have enough chairs?

♪

Okay, Brick,

present the appetizers.

You didn't say
I was doing appetizers.

Would you excuse me
for just one moment?

(Sighs)

(Lowered voice) Yes, I did!
I said it five times!

Have you been listening
to anything I've said?

Just put together
something quick! I'll stall!

There seems to be a slight delay
with the appetizers.

So while you're waiting,

we're gonna do
the photo montage.

Axl! The party is happening!

(Axl) I'm working on something!

And now some photo memories.

(Presses button)

(Pop music playing)

Oh.
Oh, yeah.

(Man) ♪ zoom zoom zoom ♪

♪ going down the motorway ♪
(Both) Mm-hmm.

♪ With you by my side ♪

♪ I can feel my troubles
float away ♪

♪ We got miles to go ♪
♪ ah ♪

Who's the kid in the coffin?

Here.

♪ You're my favorite girl
in the world ♪ (Squirts)

If you'd like to know
how the dinner ends, ask Axl.

♪ But I don't need
to have all that ♪

(Frankie) 30 minutes later

and still no food,
friends, or family...

(Dishes clatter, water boiling) just
Sue and a pot of boiling water.

I was beginning
to wonder about that notebook.

(Pots clanging)

(Sue) Sorry for the delay.

It shouldn't be long now.

Oh, and I've just been informed
we're out of pop,

so how about a couple of nice
glasses of refreshing tap water?

(Liquid sloshes) (Lowered voice) This
is either the best mislead ever,

or this is it.

I think this is it.

- Really?
- Would you come to this

- if you didn't have to be here?
- Mm.

Another 30 minutes,
and we still hadn't eaten,

and it was clear now
that nobody else was coming.

Which is crazy,
'cause I saw the notebook,

and everything was crossed off.

Ohh.

A-and he said,

"so you're really gonna
marry this guy?" (Sizzling)

And mom said, "yes."

And he said,
"well, all right."

(Sizzling continues)

You should really hear
grandpa Big Mike tell it.

It's so romantic.

(Sizzling continues)

What happened here?

What happened was I had to
do everything myself

because you wouldn't
lift a finger to help me!

I told you I was
working on something.

(Sizzling continues)

Whoa!

Ugh.

This is way burnt.
(Sizzling stops)

All right. Who wants dark?
Who wants light?

(Axl chuckles) (Voice breaks)
Axl, it is not funny!

It's totally ruined,

and that was my whole
spaghetti budget!

This whole party is a disaster!

Oh, no, Sue.
That's not true.

This is really...
very nice.

It is not!
I know it's not!

And it's because of you!

We had a plan!

Whoa! It was never our plan.
It was your plan.

It's 20 years. I wanted
to make it special!

You always gotta do this!

You always gotta make
a big deal out of everything!

You do for family!

You know what you can do
for family?

Is give us all a break.

God forbid I try
to do one fun thing!

You always try to do one
fun thing, but it's never fun.

Fine. Let's just
get through it.

(Sue) - I don't want to get through it!
- Is this the skit?

She's got you down.
(Axl and Sue arguing indistinctly)

- He's doing you to a "T."
- Your spaghetti bowl is nothing

- but a big pile of nothing! Ow!
- I don't want it to be nothing!

(Gasps)

(Crying) We apologize
for the inconvenience,

but it appears there's going
to be an additional delay.

Perhaps some cold cereal
while you wait?

Aw, Sue, stop.
It's okay. Stop.

It's your 20th anniversary.
I just wanted to make it great.

Oh, it's just a number.

And you already made it
so much better

than we were going to.

I mean, we didn't even
get each other anything.

Speak for yourself.

What's this?

Open it.

(Sighs)

Oh, Mike! Oh, my God.

Oh, dad.

Smooth.

It's so beautiful!

Wait. I got you a card.

Damn it.
It's here somewhere.

- A-and I still might have to sign it, but...
- Frankie.

(Sighs)

Oh. I really love it.

So it turns out the guy
who didn't take my calls

and eats steak
in the middle of the night

saved up all year
to buy me a ring.

Yep. Even the people
you know best in the world

can still surprise you.

Yep. Sometimes
they surprise you a lot.

Here.

What's this?

It's a, uh...

it's a new ending
to "Planet Nowhere"

that I came up with myself.
(Chuckles)

So, you know,
you can have, like,

the experience you
missed out on, or... something.

Really?
You did this for me?

Mm.

Wow.

This sucks.

Ha.

Are you sure?

Maybe you just didn't get it.

You see, the entire planet

lives inside the stomach
of this ginormous dragon,

and then when the dragon
barfs it all up,

- it's just, like--
- I-I get it.

Oh. (Mumbles) All right.

You know, actually...

there is a better way
you can make it up to me.

The problem is you've never
learned to appreciate books.

"Book one. Chapter one.

Gallantra, The Mighty Dwarf.

Beyond our galaxy,
beyond our time,

beyond our collective memory,

there exists a planet
of curious origin..."