The Middle (2009–2018): Season 3, Episode 5 - The Test - full transcript

Peer pressure-- It can
lead you to do stupid things.

Sometimes you smoke, sometimes
you drive too fast, and

sometimes you get stuck gluing
flowers onto an old, rusty

station wagon after a whole
day's work trying to sell old,

rusty station wagons.

Looking good, Frankie.

Thanks so much for helping out
with the homecoming float.

Aw, hey, we're neighbours.

It's not like I can just screen
your phone calls, right?

You see me in my driveway.

So... you ready for Friday?



Oh, I'm always
ready for Friday.

Usually around 9:00 A.M.
Monday morning.

Am I right?

What about Axl?

Is he nervous for the big test?

Test?

Oh, I don't know.

He hasn't seemed nervous.

My son is a wreck.

The PSATS are a huge deal.

Wait, what?

The PSATS?

Darrin's been
prepping for months.

Oh, Sean, too.



We bought all the
practice books.

Okay, 57 messages about decorating a
float, not one about the PSATS--

Just saying.

Come on, let's not
freak Frankie out.

I mean, the PSATS aren't the only
thing that help a kid get into college.

That's why Greg volunteered in
the Gulf last summer, cleaning

the oil off baby pelicans.

Ohh.

And Sean interned
at the capitol.

Okay, come on, guys.

They're juniors.

Isn't this all a little nuts?

I mean, we didn't do any of this
stuff when we were kids, right?

Oh, it's much different now.

Did you hear about what
happened to Doug Hornburg?

He did everything right-- Great grades,
community service, nailed his SATS.

He applied to ten schools
and didn't get into one.

Now he lives at home and works for
the city, picking up dead animals.

What a shame.

- I heard his mother shops...
- Terrible.

Look, I'm not
worried about Axl.

It's gonna be fine.

For all I know, he's been
prepping for the test for months.

I'm sure he's on top of it.

What about me makes you
think I'd be on top of it?

What about me makes you
think I'd be on top of it?

You are way behind
here, Axl, way behind.

All your friends are
totally prepared.

So?

You always say if my friends jumped off
a bridge, it doesn't mean I should.

This is not a bridge situation.

This time you should have been doing
exactly what your friends were doing.

It's your fault!

You're supposed to nag me about
important stuff like this.

That's the system I'm used to.

Did you know that they've
been offering practice tests on

Saturday mornings
at your school?

Nancy donahue told me they've
mentioned it numerous times

at your morning announcements.

I don't listen to the
morning announcements.

That's my texting time.

You know what?

You don't even deserve
to go to college.

Fine!

I won't!

Oh, you're going to college!

And as soon as we figure out
who our congressman is, you're

going to meet him!

Go ahead, Sue.

Tell your mom what you
just told me in the car.

Well, after considering all
my choices for all the teams I

could join in high school, I've
decided to try out for cheerleading.

Aah!

I know what you're thinking.

I'm a cross-country person.

That's what I'm known for.

But x.C. Isn't the only sport in
the world, and the whole point

of high school is that
it's a fresh start.

No one is gonna judge
me on my past.

Everyone is gonna judge me on
my cheerleading talent alone.

She keeps saying that
like it's a good thing.

I think what your dad means is, there
are so many other teams to try out for.

If you only go out for cheerleading, you
might miss out on something more, you

know, makeable.

I'm going for it, mom.

After all, you always tell
me I should aim high!

Did you say that to her?

Does it sound like
something I would say?

Hello?

Oh, yes.

Well, sure.

Is everything all right?

No, of course, we'll
be right down there.

Well, that was the school.

Brick's in the principal's office, and
they want us to come down for a meeting.

What'd he do?

I don't know, but she said
she just wants to talk to us.

Well, if Brick aimed too high on
something, I think we know who to blame.

Now I'm sure you're aware of
the situation, and I wanted you

to know that there
has been a suspension.

Brick!

Oh, no, not Brick.

The other boy.

Oh, good.

Wait.

What other boy?

The boy.

- There's a boy?
- You've been getting bullied?

Yep.

Well, I think you'll both be
happy to know that through

all of the bullying,
Brick never fought back.

- Thank God.
- Mmh.

It wasn't that bad.

It was pretty standard bullying.

Wait. What does that
mean? What happened?

He put you in the trash?

It's okay.

I know how to get myself out.

I don't mind it that much.

Sometimes when I'm in the trash,
I get a little light-headed,

but today I did find
half a banana in there.

Brick!

How many times have I told you
we don't eat out of the garbage?

I saw you eat
cake out of it once.

I gave you a dollar not
to talk about that.

Well, that could not
have gone better.

I got to tell you, I am
really impressed with the way

the school handled
that whole situation.

Yeah?

Well, I think it stinks.

What meeting were you at?

I mean, we were in and out
of there in 20 minutes.

They handled everything.

She even said it was a
pleasure speaking to us.

A pleasure, Mike.

We're a pleasure.

How are you not
overjoyed right now?

My kid's been living in a trash
can for the past two weeks.

Give me some room.

I'll do a cartwheel.

Mike, he was the
victim of a bully.

Finally we're the parents of
the victim and not the perp.

This is a good day.

I don't know.

I think Brick needs to
learn to toughen up.

Lot of trash cans in the
world, and not all of 'em are

gonna have a half
a banana in 'em.

We got to teach him to
stand up for himself.

Okay, now you're
just looking for work.

Besides, if we're gonna worry about
anybody's future, it should be Axl's.

I'm not worried.

Sean Donahue's
gonna be successful.

He'll give him a job someday.

Actually, as it turns out,
the person we should have been

worried about was Sue.

Rock it up, rock it
down, rock it all around.

Go, thundering hens!

Whoo!

Got it?

Okay, now we're going to be
taking you one at a time.

You'll do the cheer you were
taught and then a self-cheer.

We won't be evaluating you to
your face, 'cause that would be,

like, really awkward, but if
you make the team, you'll be

getting a phone call
from us by 6:00 tonight.

And if you don't get a phone
call, thank you so much, and

better luck next year.

Good luck.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Come here, come here.

I feel like I've dropped the
ball on this whole college

thing, so we really need to get
ahead of the game, and not just

with the PSATS.

So come on.

Let's talk.

All right?

So... what are your goals?

I don't know.

What were your goals?

I wanted to live in a
tiny house and sell cars.

We're not talking about me.

God, mom, chillax.

I can decide where I
want to go later.

You don't just get to decide
where you want to go, Axl.

Other people decide if they're
gonna let you in, and they're

not gonna let you in if you're not prepared, so...
this is a practice PSAT guide.

I want you to really
go through this stuff.

Whoa.

Pump the brakes.

The test isn't until Friday.

I'll look it over on Thursday.

No, Axl, this is
what I'm talking about.

You have to change
your attitude.

You want your whole life to be
like that dream where you show

up for the test and
you forgot to study?

What dream?

Oh, come on.

Everybody's had the "I
forgot to study" dream.

How could you have
not had that dream?

Uh, 'cause I'm not a nerd?

Most of my dreams involve a
flying dragon that's trying to

eat the house, but then I ride him to the
moon, and we jam out on our guitars.

That's what you dream about?

Jamming dragons?

Mm.

You know what I dream about?

Paying bills and feeding you
people and, very occasionally,

Colin firth, but you should be
dreaming about college and--

Sorry to interrupt.

Just want to make sure
the phones are working.

Oh, no.

What if they tried to call while I
was listening to the dial tone?

What if, in that split
second, I missed their call?

I think you're okay.

Look, Axl, your dad and I can
nag you forever, but do you

think Christopher Columbus'

parents nagged him into
discovering America?

No.

He got on the Nina and the Pinta and...
The other one--

Why can't I remember that?

Because he wanted to.

And he made things happen for
himself, and you can, too.

You can.

You have the ability, but
you gotta really want it.

Hey, listen, Brick, I wanted
to talk to you about this whole

getting-put-in-the-trash thing.

Oh, don't worry, dad.

It didn't bother me.

Well, that's the thing, is
it should bother you, 'cause

Heck men aren't fine with
getting put in the trash.

Oh, the bully might be winning
right now, but my time will come.

Time will come.

No, your time is now, Brick.

You got to stand up to this guy, and let
him know that he can't mess with you.

Actually, I find that most
bullies just want to feel heard.

They want to feel like they're
in control, and eventually,

once they think they've won,
they'll just walk away.

Knock, knock!

Is there a phone in here?

I'm collecting all the phones,
'cause I want to make sure no

one is on the line for when
the cheerleaders call.

Axl had it on his bed.

But what if they don't
walk away, huh?

You gotta learn how to be tough,
and I can help you out with that.

Thanks for the offer, but you
really don't have to help me.

Are you sure it's over here?

No, I do, Brick.

As a dad, it's my job to give
my kids confidence and let 'em

know what they're capable of.

The cheerleaders
could call any minute.

For the love of God, Sue,
it's a million-to-one shot.

Just use the kitchen phone.

Found it!

What time is it?

5:55.

Oh, my gosh.

Five more minutes with the
possibility of being a cheerleader.

This is like Christmas morning,
my birthday, and the first time

I smelled the Justin Bieber
perfume, wrapped into one.

You know, even if they don't
call, you gave it your best

shot, and that's
all that matters.

Oh, they're gonna call.

I just need to stay positive.

I heard that if everyone in a
room concentrates on one thing

really hard, they
can make it happen.

Nope.

She's still here.

So how's the prep
going for the big test?

Are you using those
practice books I gave you?

I am.

He is.

Three minutes left with the
possibility of being a cheerleader.

This is so exciting.

In three minutes, will my life stay the
same, or will it get so much better?

I predict it will get worse, and
when it does, Brick owes me 5 bucks.

Hey, I said, no side bets.

Two and a half minutes left
the possibility of being a

cheerleader, but you know what?

Even if I don't make it,
it's gonna be fine.

It's gonna be so fine.

Oh, my gosh!

They're not calling!

I tried and I didn't make it.

My life is over!

But I guess that's just the
way the old cookie crumbles.

Just got to roll with the
punches and all that jazz.

Why aren't they calling?!

Is that clock fast?

Are these phones working?

Why can't this family have
better phones and clocks?!

Oh, my God.

I want this so bad.

I can't breathe.

No one help her.

Honey, you're
looking kind of pale.

Maybe you should eat something.

One minute left with the
possibility of being a cheerleader.

Maybe they wrote down my number wrong,
or maybe I wrote down the time wrong.

Oh, my gosh!

I can't take this anymore!

I should just walk away.

A watched phone never rings.

It's them!

Hello?

This is she.

I'm a cheerleader!

Aah!

Yes!
Yes!

So the next morning, Sue
woke up a cheerleader, and I've

got to say, it was
a little weird.

Hey, hey.

What do you say?

I say today's gonna
be a great day!

Ooh.

Hey, that's mine.

It's the last French
toast dipper.

But, Brick, I'm
a cheerleader now.

I need my dippers to
keep my spirit up.

Okay.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Don't just roll over
and let her take that.

That's your dipper.

You know what?

I should probably be eating some sort
of cheerleader breakfast anyway.

What do they eat?

I mean, we eat.

Aah!

Here, you have it.

No.

Don't give it to him.

Here.

Brick, you take it from her.

Why don't we just share it?

No.

No sharing.

Good lesson, Mike.

Shush.

I'm doin' something here, okay?

And Mike continued "doin'

something" every chance he got.

Come on, Brick.

Don't let me change the channel.

Why is my sports show more
important than your...

Weird blimp show?

Sometimes you can talk and
talk and not get through to your kid.

And other times, you plant a seed,
and your words take flower.

Hey, Axl.

Brought you a snack.

How's it going in here, huh?

You know, I'm really proud
of what you're doing.

Does this look right to you?

What is this?

I'm designing my
band's cd cover.

Does it look the flames are
coming out of my butt?

Because they're supposed to be coming
out of the ax, but... - You fool!

You're supposed to be
studying for the PSAT!

The test is tomorrow!

I was gonna study for it later.

I'm better under pressure.

When have you ever been
better under pressure?!

When?!

I don't know!

I can't think with
you yelling at me!

Doug Hornburg did everything
right, and now he lives in his

mother's basement and picks up dead
animals off the side of the road!

Don't you get it, Axl?

This is your entire life
we're talking about here!

You screw this up, you're
done, and guess what?

No flying dragon is gonna swoop down
and help you solve your problems!

The only dragon you're gonna be
dealing with is the dead one

that you're dragging
off the street!

I was sorry I had to be so
harsh with Axl, but sometimes

that's what a kid needs to hear.

The amazing thing was, after yelling at
him, all the stress just left my body.

I don't know where it
went, but it was gone.

Sue Heck reporting
for first practice.

Ohh, are those new uniforms?

About that... Sue, there was a horrible,
horrible mix-up, and we are so sorry.

So, so sorry.

See, our cheerleading advisor
has been distracted. She found

a lump on her cat... or her dad.

I don't remember.

Anyway, she accidentally called
you by mistake, and we are so

sorry, but you really
didn't make the team.

So, so, so sorry.

But of course, now that you
get that there was a mix-up,

you understand you're going
to have to step down.

No.

What do you mean, "no?"

I'm a cheerleader, and I
want to stay a cheerleader.

You don't really want to be
part of something you didn't

really earn, do you?

More than anything.

But there can only be eight
cheerleaders, and here's the

thing-- You're not one of them.

Well, here's my thing.

If you hadn't called me and
told me I'd made the team, I

would have been heartbroken, but
I would have gotten over it,

but you did call me, so I told
everyone I know that I'm a

cheerleader-- My family, my
friend, my pen pals in Brazil

and Toronto-- So to step down
now would be humiliating...

And Sue Heck's
humiliation has a price.

What does that mean?

It means if you want me to go
quietly, I'm gonna need some things.

What?

I want to wear the uniform
to school, I want to be in the

group photo in the yearbook, and
I want to cheer in one game.

And I want at least two cheerleaders
to attend my birthday party.

We'll agree to everything
except the birthday party.

Deal!

Well... how'd the test go?

I blew it, mom.

I totally blew it.

I'm so sorry!

I kept hearing what you said
about how important it was, and

then my brain just vapour-locked, and I
totally munched it and got everything wrong!

And also, I threw up on my
shirt, but I didn't even clean

it, 'cause I was like,
"what's the point?

You're just gonna end up a huge
loser, 'cause you screwed up

"the most important
test of your life!"

No, no, no.

Honey, it's not that important.

You're gonna get into college.

Nuh-Unh!

I had one chance, and
I screwed it up!

Might as well buy a shovel and start
picking up dead animals right now.

Ugh!

Please, it's just a
stupid practice test.

You're gonna do better when
you take the real SATS.

That wasn't even the real one?

What kind of sick mind games
are you playing with me?

Oh, okay.

Axl, Axl, look at me.

Your whole world is not gonna
fall apart because you didn't

do well on one test.

You're gonna be fine.

Oh.

Just out of curiosity, do you happen
to know how Sean did on his test?

You make a nice sandwich.

Now I know why that kid
keeps taking it from you.

Mmm!

Man, this is good.

You want it back?

Yes.

Then take it from me.

I don't want to.

Come on.

I just stole your sandwich.

What are you gonna do about it?

You gonna get tough or not?

Huh?

Huh?

Stop telling me to get tough!

People either are, or they're not,
and I'm not, so leave me alone!

Just back off and let me be!

Spoken like a true Heck man.

What?!

You did it, Brick.

You finally stood
up for yourself.

This is what I've been
wanting you to do all along.

Didn't that feel good?

It kind of did.

You're darn right it did.

As a matter of fact...
It felt great.

Now I want you to remember that feeling
and take it with you through your life.

I'm proud of you, son.

Dad, that's my sandwich.

Attaboy.

Do I smell barf-y to you?

If you don't want to have
sex tonight, just say it.

No, no, it's just that I
hugged Axl before, and he had

on a barfy t-shirt from his PSATS.

You know...

I don't know, Mike.

I just feel like, with Axl, if
I don't push him, nothing gets

done and he fails, but if I do
push him, he freaks out and fails.

What are we supposed to do?

I don't know.

Maybe we should just write him
off and let him be a cautionary

tale for the other two.

No, I'm serious, Mike.

Santa Maria!

I don't want to kick you while
you're down, but I had a major

breakthrough with Brick today.

Oh, what happened?

I pulled the man out of him.

I stole his sandwich, and he
finally stood up for himself.

I've been hounding that kid
all week about getting tough,

and he finally listened
to what I had to say.

I find that most bullies
just want to feel heard.

I got to tell you, Frankie, it
wasn't easy, but sometimes I

think you just got to let
people know who is in control.

They want to feel like
they're in control.

- So I told him I was proud of him, and...
- And?

- And then I... - And eventually, once they
think they've won, they'll just walk away.

I just walked away.

Oh, my God.

I've been played.

That kid's a genius.

Yeah, well, maybe we can get
him to take Axl's SATS.

I don't know.

Maybe the birds have it right.

Maybe we should just kick 'em out
of the nest and hope for the best.

'Cause you worry and worry, but
the truth is, maybe our kids

don't need our help.

Maybe if we just let them out in the
world, things will go their way.

Hey.

You're Axl Heck's
parents, right?

Yeah.

Jack Tracy.

I'm a recruiter for
east Indiana state.

Your boy sure looks
fast out there tonight.

- Thanks.
- Hey.

When he starts thinking about colleges,
why don't you give us a call?

- All right, Jack. We'll do that.
- Thank you. Wow.

- Okay.
- All right.

Enjoy the rest of the game.

Yeah. You, too.

Check out the mascot.

What?

Yeah!

Oh!

Yep.

Our kids are gonna be just fine.

Right?