The Middle (2009–2018): Season 3, Episode 3 - The Middle - full transcript

Family dinner...
The backbone of America.

A chance for families
to get together

and talk about their day...

In our case, waiting for Sue
to take a breath.

In middle school,
they're called tater tots,

but in high school,
they're called tater rounds.

- You know...
- Oh, my gosh!

I almost said "tots" today.

That would have been
such a frosh move.

Did you know that they call
freshmen "frosh"?

May I please be excused



to go step in front
of a moving train?

It's a family dinner.
You suffer with the rest of us.

Go ahead, Sue.
We're all very interested.

- We weren't.
- So in middle school...

It was my fault, really.

I'm the one who had
the bright idea

of family dinner.

Actually, Oprah had the idea
in her magazine...

Oprah, who doesn't have kids.

Anyway, my locker's
in frosh hall...

They call it that because
that's where

all the frosh lockers are.

And at first, I almost couldn't
remember my locker combination...

another frosh move.



- But then, I got...
- My God, Sue! Would you give it a rest?

Excuse me. I am her mother.

If I feel she needs
to give it a rest,

I will tell her
to give it a rest.

So anyway, the froshiest
thing I did this week...

Okay, Sue, let's give it
a... little break.

Axl, you're up.
Didn't you have a science test

the other day?
How'd that go?

Uh, actually, we won't
get the scores till next week.

Actually, you can get 'em
right now.

All the grades go up
on the school web site,

and parents can check 'em
whenever they want.

Axl had been having
a rough go of it

with Sue now in his school.

He told her to be cool,

but there's cool
and then there's Sue cool.

Axl!

Axl!

Axl!

Oh, my God!
You ruin my life at school,

and now you gotta ruin it
at home, too?!

I can't take it anymore!
I need my space!

Axl! What are you
talking about?

I totally give you space!

In what way am I not
giving you space?

What kind of space
am I not giving you?

Ugh.

All right, I guess
we can't avoid it anymore.

We gotta run the dishwasher.

I'll get the broom,
you get the towels.

Hey, Brick, you know, with Sue
hoggin' up all the oxygen,

I don't think we've heard
a word out of you all week.

How's fourth grade
treating you?

Not well.

You didn't do something weird
already in class yet, did you?

It's just the first week, Brick.
You gotta pace yourself.

It's my teacher,
Mr. Wilkerson.

He's a man.

I like women.
I like their bosoms.

We all do, Brick, but right now
you're in a bosomless situation.

- You gotta make the best of it.
- But when he asks you a question,

he throws you the answer ball.

If I have to catch a ball
to answer a question,

it's gonna be a long year.

Playing catch in class?

That, for most kids,
is what's called fun.

But when he takes us to gym,

we're supposed
to climb the rope.

He fails to pick up
on my reluctance.

He's not a good fit for me.

You should probably
go talk to him.

Um, Brick, if you have isSues
with Mr. Wilkerson,

you're gonna have to
talk to him yourself.

I mean, you're in
the fourth grade now.

We trust you
to take care of this.

You've matured.

Really?

Oh, yeah, you have, definitely.

Hmm.

You just don't wanna
go see his teacher.

Gee, ya think?

I learned
my lesson with Ms. Rinsky!

I'm not going anywhere
near that school.

Did you have Ms. Wright for
frosh math? Are her tests hard?

People say she's the hardest
of all the frosh teachers.

Oh, my God!
How do you do it?

Every day I think I couldn't
possibly like you less.

Oh, also,
I meant to ask you...

I still have to pick
an elective

for my free period
before frosh math.

So many choices!

Uh, typing, computer lab,
home ec...

Hey, what about swimming?

Swimming?

I can do that as an elective?

Oh, yeah. It's a real gateway
for getting on the swim team.

I mean, I don't know if
you're even interested

in doing any extracurricular
activities, but...

Swimming. Thanks, Axl.

You're a good brother.

He wasn't.

You see, with the pool here,

and Sue's next class
way over here,

Axl knew there was no way
she'd ever make it on time.

Let's just say revenge is
a dish best served daily

between 11:00 and 11:05.

Oh!

No... no...

Tardy sweep!

Oh, no, no, no, but I had to
come all the way from the pool.

It's so far!

Hey, do you wanna
buy some weed?

Well, I took your guys' advice

and talked to Mr. Wilkerson,

and he said I don't have
to take gym anymore.

When everyone else goes,

I get to sit in the classroom
and read.

What?!

What kind of a male teacher
lets a kid skip gym?

Seriously, does this guy
wear sandals?

I'm telling you, Frankie,
any money,

this guy wears sandals.

He was surprisingly receptive.

Yeah, but, Brick, they're all
going to gym, you're not...

What are the other kids
gonna say?

I don't know.

But I'll tell you what
they won't be saying...

"Hey, there goes Brick.
Let's get him."

Mm.

Well, okay, Frankie,

you're gonna have to go
talk to this Wilkerson

and explain the whole deal
of how Brick is.

Why?

Why do I always have to go down
and explain how Brick is?

It's exhausting.

Can't I just type something up
and pin it to his shirt?

Or tie it to his wrist?

Yeah, like a bracelet.

Like a quirk alert bracelet.

Oh, wait a second!

This could be a thing.

Mm, doesn't feel like a thing.

Mom! Axl tricked me...

There should be different
categories of tardy.

I got put in detention
with a marijuana salesman!

Hey, maybe you wanna
go check out those tardies on

the school web site. But what's
the password again, Sue?

Oh! I'll see you
at the sawmill,

'cause you just got axed. Whoo!

Axl eats four doughnuts
every day for lunch!

Ooh! See you in court,

'cause you just got Sued!

Just remember, Sue,
too many tardies,

and it goes on
your permanent record.

Now the one person
whose permanent record

you don't wanna mess with
is Sue.

She knew
with a little planning,

there had to be a way
to beat the sweep.

She tried cutting
through the auditorium...

Tardy sweep!

Same with the cafeteria.

Tardy sweep!

She even tried a shortcut
outside the building.

Tardy sweep!

Finally, after studying the map
all weekend,

she cracked it.

She learned the quickest way

was through
Mr. Bertram's shop class.

All that cross country
had paid off.

Sue was gonna make it to
her locker right on schedule.

If only Lucy Howard hadn't
developed over the summer,

and Steve Johnson
hadn't taken notice of it.

Um, excuse me,

uh, I need to get
to my locker, please.

Ugh!

Um, don't know if you know,

but if you're late to class,
you're gonna be tardy,

and it could go on
your permanent record!

Tardy sweep!

Ugh! See?!

So the next day,
she moved to plan "e."

If she couldn't stop
at her locker,

she was just gonna have to
bring her locker with her.

Hey! A little... A little help?

A little... A little help here,
please?

If someone could
just give me a hand?

Axl!

You didn't flip your sister?

What is the matter with you?

I cannot believe you
wouldn't flip your sister!

It's embarrassing!

Doesn't matter, Axl. You flip.
You flip your family!

You weren't there.
Look.

Oh, you can't stop
to flip your sister,

but you have time
to take a picture?

Worse. I got sent a picture
of "turtle girl"

by 37 different people!

Oh, no.

Thank you!
Do you get it now?

Do you see
how she is ruining my life?

What about
turtle girl's feelings?

You ever think
how turtle girl feels?

Turtle girl never had
anything to lose!

Stop calling me turtle girl!

I've worked too hard
being too awesome,

and Sue is not gonna drag me
down to dorkdom with her!

I'm out!
I'm putting my foot down!

- I'm not driving her anymore!
- Hey!

I'm the mom.
You're the child.

You do not have
a foot to put down,

and you're not telling me
what you're not doing.

That's weird, 'cause I'm not
driving her. You can't make me.

Uh, you don't seem to understand
how things work around here,

so I'm gonna do you a favor
and clear it up for you.

I'm in charge...

So I'm on top.

And underneath,

Axl, Sue, and Brick.

Get it?

Okay. Are we all clear?

Why am I under Axl?

It's just a random order.

It doesn't look random.

It looks like you think
Axl is above me.

Only in looks, intelligence,
charisma, and personality.

Ugh.
What about dad?

I don't see dad.

Fine. "And dad."

Right up there with me,
and above you three,

who are listed here
in a random order.

That's not right.
Dad goes above you.

What?

Well, no he doesn't.

- That was my understanding.
- Doesn't he?

Wait. You think that?

You think dad goes above me?

Hey... Hey, Mike,

your kids have the crazy idea

that in the hierarchy
of this house,

you're in charge.

Okay.

Okay?

Okay?

Wait. You agree with that?
You think that's accurate?

I don't know. I just got home.

It's not inaccurate.

See? That's what I said.

What? Why?

What, because he's a man
and I'm a woman?

Why would you think
he's in charge?

Well, he's scarier.

And he pays the bills
and stuff.

Okay, first of all,
we are equally scary.

We're equal in everything.

We are equal.

Ju... Look at the chart!

You made a chart?

Last again.
I'm always last.

You're not always last.

I am too!
Whenever you write a card,

you sign it "Mike, Frankie,
Axl, Sue... and Brick.

I'm sick of being
"and Brick."

I told you,
it's a random order!

Then how come
dad's always first?

'Cause dad's in charge.

He's not in charge.
I'm in charge.

Tell them, Mike.
Tell them I'm in charge.

You heard her. When I'm not
home, your mom's in charge.

Mike!

Well, I would like to make
something perfectly clear...

Axl is not in charge of me.

Pfft. You think I wanna
be in charge of you?

You think I wanna drive you,
flip you,

with all this responsibility?
I hate being the oldest!

Well, it's better than being
in the middle,

where nobody notices you!

I've been eating old candy canes
for breakfast

every day this week.

You wanna be unnoticed?
Try being "and Brick."

- Oh, my God, what other terrible life...
- No, you don't understand...

Hey, everybody knock it off!

Okay, I've had enough.
Everybody go to your room.

Wait, wait, wait.
Why did you look at him?

Okay, you know what?
Don't go to your room.

Everybody stay here!

Hey, did you talk
to Brick's teacher yet?

No, but now that you said it,

I'll make sure
I run right down there,

'cause after all,
you are the boss of me.

You know, Frankie, if the kids
think I'm in charge,

it's kinda your fault.

Oh, really? It's my fault?
How do you figure?

I'm just saying,

maybe you played the "dad" card
one too many times.

Your dad's gonna be home
in five minutes,

and he is not gonna be happy.

Seriously, I don't know
what he's gonna do.

If it were up to me,
I'd totally let you,

but I just don't think
your dad will go for it.

Oh, let's see how long
that smirk's on your face

when I tell your dad
about this.

Oh, please.

Just because I occasionally
call you in for backup

does not make you in charge.

You ever see the godfather
call for backup?

Okay, you know what?
The only reason

that you have
any power whatsoever

is because I gave it to you.

You're in a puppet presidency,
mister.

You may be moving your mouth,
but it's my words coming out.

Oh, you're full of words,
all right.

But when something
actually has to get done,

I'm the one who steps in
and makes it happen.

You're the yammer.
I'm the hammer.

Okay, hammer.

If you're so great
at getting things done,

why don't you go down
and talk to Brick's teacher?

Fine. I will.
See? I said it,

and now I'm doing it.
You should try that sometime.

So Mike may have had a point
with the whole "yammer" thing.

But the next day,

he was the one stuck
going to see Brick's teacher.

Excuse me.
I'm looking for Mr. Wilkerson.

You found him.

You're Mr. Wilkerson?

The teacher?

You're not waiting
for your dad or something?

No, no, I'm Ralph Wilkerson.

Okay. My mistake.

Mike Heck, Brick Heck's dad.

Hey. Awesome to meet you.
Please, have a seat.

Now believe it or not,

this is my first
parent-teacher meeting.

Oh, I believe it.

Yeah, first-time teacher.
I really wanna establish

a rapport with the parents
of my students.

You know, you can check in
with me anytime

on the school web site,
or better yet,

follow my tweets.

Yeah, I don't know
what that is, but thanks.

Listen, I wanted to talk to you

about letting Brick skip gym.

I appreciate you trying
to accommodate him,

but that's the worst thing
you can do.

Look, I hear your concerns,
and I agree with you.

I want Brick to go to gym
as well.

Oh. Great. Then you
tell him to go to gym,

and I'll see you
at parents night.

Hold up, hold up, Mike.
It's not that easy.

Yeah, I think it is.

Oh, uh, sorry. I...
I have the answer ball,

so just let me
finish my thought.

I want Brick to go to gym,

but I want Brick
to want to go to gym.

You know, it's a question
of motivation.

You know, specifically,

the sociocultural theory
of scaffolding.

We provide children
with the building blocks

to come to decisions
on their own

through positive reinforcement.

Now it's your turn, Mike.

Okay.
Instead of all that,

you could say,
"I'm the teacher.

You're the kid.
Go to gym."

Answer ball?

Mike, what do you think's
gonna happen

when Brick sees
all of his friends

go off to gym
to play and have fun

and he's all alone
back here reading?

I think he'll love it.

Eventually,
he'll want to join them.

That's what... It's what
my professor called

the "positive peer-amid."

You'll see, Brick will
come to the decision

to go to gym on his own.

No. No, he won't.

Brick will read
for as long as you let him.

Mike, I know kids.

Well, sure, 'cause you
just recently were one.

In my experience with children,

they react better
when you don't force them.

What experience?

Do you think what you've been
doing so far is working?

I see you holding
the answer ball,

but I don't hear an answer.

My wife usually does
these meetings.

Hey. Is Brick back
in gym class?

He is not.

What? Why not?

Things were said.
Things were thrown.

Things were broken, and it just
kinda went downhill from there.

Oh, Mike, we finally
moved on from Ms. Rinsky,

and now we have
another teacher who hates us?

Well, he doesn't hate us.
It's worse. He cares.

He wants us to interface
on a weekly basis,

whatever that is, and...
We're supposed to fill out

this parenting style
questionnaire.

You brought back homework?

Way to go, hammer.
Why didn't you say no?

'Cause I didn't have
the answer ball, okay?

Do you really think it's bad
being the oldest?

Are you kidding?

Mom and dad have been
all up in my business

ever since I was born.

When I started high school,

they were all,
"how's it going, Axl?"

"How are your classes?
Who are your teachers?

Who are your friends?"

But when you're the middle kid,
you kinda disappear.

I'd kill for less attention.

You can get away
with whatever you want.

You fly under the radar.

But I don't wanna
fly under the radar.

I just feel like when
you're the...

Block away.

I just feel like
as the middle child,

people don't see me.

It's like sometimes
I'm invisible.

Hey, ax-man!

Yeah, you know it!

Maybe feeling invisible
is a good thing.

Like, because you're
the middle kid,

you want people to notice you.
You just keep trying.

Not yet.

Okay.

I mean...

If I turtled like that
at school,

I would've packed it in
and made mom homeschool me,

but you're weird.

You don't give up.

It's actually...
Kind of almost impressive.

You're like this dork optimist.

That was the nicest thing
Axl had ever said to her.

Her brother was right.
She was a dork optimist,

and dork optimists
never give up.

Sue didn't turtle,
which was a miracle,

and as she passed her locker,

she noticed
an even bigger miracle.

There were
no hormonal teenagers

groping each other
in front of it.

This was her opportunity.

This time,
she was gonna make it,

Sean Hage?

- Sue Heck?
- Here!

Tardy sweep!

What are you doing?
That's not done.

No choice, Mike.
I can't find the dryer broom,

and I need clothes
more than dishes right now.

Would you say
our parenting style

is proactive, authoritative,
or democratic?

Oh, no, no.

You're trying to rope me in
to doing it,

and I'm not doing it.
Not my homework.

Aw! Come on.

Lonely at the top,
isn't it, boss man?

You know, Frankie,
the truth is,

the kids don't always
listen to me either.

You're just saying that 'cause
you're stuck on a question,

but it's not gonna work.

No, really.
Axl is in his room right now

eating a ham on his bed when
I told him not to four times.

Oh, that's okay.
We'll have the last laugh.

I got it at the frugal hoosier.

That thing expired
two days ago.

Hoo-hoo!

Relaxed.

Huh?

Our parenting style...
Relaxed.

Thanks.

Try and work in the word
"scaffolding" somewhere.

I don't know what it is,
bur Mr. Wilkerson will like it.

The thing is, in a family,

people take charge
at different times.

Sometimes a sister
helps out in a way

a mom and dad can't.

You know, Brick,

you should really think
about going to gym.

If you climb to the top of the rope you
get a coupon for a free frozen yogurt.

Sometimes a kid
helps the parent.

Mr. Heck.
Hey, uh, just following up

on that paperwork I asked you
to turn in yesterday.

Hey, Brick? Your teacher's
on my computer.

I don't wanna talk to him.
How do I get rid of this guy?

Hit "escape."
Also, he can hear you.

And sometimes, it was a brother

who helped a sister
make it to class on time,

and she never even knew it.

Hey! Losers!
This is someone's locker.

Do it under the bleachers
like normal people, huh?

Alone, we would die,
but together...

Come on, kids.
Time for bed.

Hmm?
I can't.

You've got work in the morning.

You're gonna be miserable
tomorrow if you don't. Let's go.

Together,
we're barely functional.