The Middle (2009–2018): Season 2, Episode 7 - The Middle - full transcript

is there anything
better than a surprise party?

The only hard part's
keeping the secret.

But when you pull it off, it's
something no one ever forgets.

Yep, everyone loves
a surprise party.

I invited my whole class
to my birthday on Saturday.

Surprise.
Saturday? You're just telling
me about this now? Oh, brick.

I don't have time to throw
a party for 20 kids in 3 days.

Here's a list

Of everyone's food allergies
and dietary restrictions.

We all voted
on a peanut butter cake,

Except for two kids who will die
if they go anywhere near it.



I'll let you hash that out.

Look at you, ready for work
without having to be dragged

Out of bed,
and only 20 minutes late.

Yeah, new manager working
at the movie theater.

I wanna make a good impression.
Oh, don't forget to take Saturday off.

Yeah, like I'm gonna give up
a Saturday to party down

With a bunch of 6-year-olds.
Mnh. I'm 9.

Yeah, that's much cooler.
ugh.

Brick, if we're gonna do this,
you got to invite a lot less.

See, this is why they need
smaller class sizes.

Oh, the other thing
I'd like this year

Is to finally hear the story
of the day I was born.

Um, actually, you know,

This list does seem
very doable.



I'm gonna get on it
right now.

I'll go out and see if we still have
those plastic chairs. - I'll go.

come on.

Hmm.

Where you been? The movie
started ten minutes ago.
Sorry, man.

I can't let you guys in
for free anymore.

I got some new manager
coming in today.

Whatever. I'm still
filling up my soda jug.

Uh...
Whoa, dude.

You must be axl.

I'm kasey..
Rhymes with lacy.

Now I know you're late,
but don't sweat it.

I get you're not planning
on working here forever.

I mean, I'm only doing this
until I get my grades up enough

To get into beauty college.

Anyway, I just wanted
to say hi.

hi.

Now get to work.

Oh, my god!
I got a hot boss.

There's, like, whole web sites
dedicated to the concept.

Enjoy the fantasy, bro, 'cause
that's all it's ever gonna be.

Wrong. Why?
'cause check it out--

Late nights, close quarters,
and no competition

Except that 50-year-old weirdo
who works the projector.

Did you not hear her?
She's going to beauty college.

She's gonna learn
how to be even hotter.

you got no shot.

What kind of an idiot
puts a plastic bag

In a garbage disposal?

Okay, brick,
here's the thing.

You invited 25 kids
to the party,

But everything comes
in packs of 24.

We're not gonna buy a whole
extra set just for one kid,

So you're gonna have
to uninvite someone.
I can't.

Come on. There's always one kid
nobody wants at the party.
That's me, mom.

Now keep in mind,

If we're throwing you
this expensive party,

We might not be able to spend
as much money on your present.
I already told you
what I want.

I just want to hear
about the day I was born.

Brick was starting
to realize that

Every time he asked to hear
about the day he was born,

He never really got
the full story.

It was a rainy day, and I was
at the grocery story, when--

Uh-oh. Doorbell.
It was a snowy day, and your mom
was helping me shovel--

Was that the doorbell?

It was a really hot day,
so I was getting mom a popsicle,

And, uh--oh, dude, doorbell.

Why is it every time I ask
about the day I was born,

No one ever answers me?

I've heard a million times
how sue was born on a leap day,

So technically she's still
only 3 years old,

And axl came out
with a pointy head,

But no one ever talks
about my story.

It's almost like
you don't want to tell me.
Of course
I want to tell you.

It was one of
the happiest days of my life.

Mike, I'll need to see you
in the dining room.

How would you like
a brand-new bike?

Turns out having a hot boss
is the one thing

That'll get a teenage boy
to work on time.

In fact, axl went
in a whole hour early.

Oh, axl, thank god you're here.
I can't find the register key.

You know, there's
a spare key in the office.

I'm allowed to go in there?
But the sign...

Uh,
it says "personnel only."

You're personnel.

Oh! I thought it said
"personal only."

It's so stupid how they
spell those words the same.

Yeah, um,
I'll go get the key.

you rock!!
mm.

What do you think, brick?
I made the "b" myself.

Great, great...

Though it looks like rain...

Much like the day
I was born.

uh... Yeah.

Oh, god. I totally forgot
to wrap your present.

I gotta go.

All right, sue.
What's going on?

what's the deep, dark secret
everyone's hiding?

Nothing.
I know what it is.
I was adopted, wasn't I?

That'd explain a lot.
You're not adopted, brick.

Then why is
your lip sweating?
Because... I was afraid
I'd ruin your surprise.

Might as well tell you now.

I wrote down the whole story
of the day you were born.

That's the gift
I had to wrap.
Really?

Yeah. You can read it if you
want now. It's in my closet.

In the back
behind the hula-hoop.

Do you see it?

Hey!

brick's on to us!!
He knows we're hiding something.

He thinks he's adopted,
but he's gonna keep digging!

What are we gonna do?

All right, this has
gone on long enough.

We're just gonna have to bite
the bullet and tell him

What happened.
Oh, no!
He'll never forgive us.

He's getting older, frankie.
We can't wait too long.

You waited too long
to tell sue about unicorns.
That was embarrassing.

I did a whole science project
about them.

And the unicorn's
primary food source

Is rainbows,

But they have also been known
to eat clouds.

brick already
thinks he's adopted.

Let's just go with that.
Come on. What adoption agency
would give us a baby?

sue! Let me out!

I'm no good
under high-pressure situations!

hey.

Okay. That's it. I want
answers, and I want 'em now.

What are you people hiding?

okay, brick..
Here's the truth.

Uh-oh. Doorbell.

No, really.

It's the doorbell
for real this time.

Luckily for me,
once his party started,

Brick was too busy
to ask any questions.

Well, thank you l for coming
to brick's birthday party.

Brick thought
it'd be fun to start

With some quiet reading time
here

And then later we'll all walk
to the library.

Hey! You think brick wanted
to play in the bouncy house

At your party?
Or race go-karts at your party?

Well, this is brick's party,
so suck it up and start reading.

Whoa. Looks like a rager.

Sorry I gotta miss it.

I thought
you were taking today off.

I did, but my genius boss forgot
to schedule anyone else.

Sucks I gotta work
on a Saturday...

but at least she's hot.

mnh!

Hello? Is there anyone
selling tickets?

Chill. I gotta fix
this cheese pump,

Or you're all gonna have
dry nachos, and then what?

Kasey, you're, like,
three hours late.

So, so, so, so sorry.

I was
at this "oh, my god" party

Last night
at this tall guy's house,

And then mindy and tonya wanted
to get into the hot tub,

But I didn't bring
my bikini,

And I wasn't wearing
any underwear.

And then we downed,
like, 20 body shots

And had to sleep it off.
together?

No, silly. Tonya's
bed's only big enough for two.

But of course
mindy crawled in anyway.
Pfft. That's so mindy.

I know..
Is this all the candy
you have?

Uh...
Did you order more candy?

Order? I thought
the big truck just brings it.

Okay. I'll order more candy
and put more popcorn

In the popper.

Make a wish, brick.

Shh!
okay. Just--look.

Here. Look. Do it
with your hands like this.

Isn't that fun?

Oh, okay. Go have fun,
but remember, in ten minutes

We're all gonna pose for
a picture with the librarian.

Happy birthday, brick.
Thanks, dad.

Cool.

A manual!

And it's in german,
japanese, and french.

Thanks, mom. Thanks, dad.

What's the matter?

Nothing. It's just I didn't get
the thing that I wished for

When I blew out my candles.

I really, really wanted to hear
about the day I was born.

Well, you told your wish.
Now it can't come true.

Okay, brick.
It's time you knew.

What?! Mom!

No. He deserves to know.

Well, it was
a beautiful, sunny day,

And I was in the kitchen
standing by the sink

Eating sauerkraut
when my water broke,

So I called your dad,
and he came home and got me,

But when we got to the hospital,
your dad thought it was...

Ridiculous to pay $10
for parking...

So he dropped me off
and circled around for a meter,

But it took so long,
that by the time he got

To the delivery room, you were
halfway out, so your dad ran in,

Took one look, and boom!
Passed out cold.

Really?

Yeah, that's where he got that
little scar on his forehead,

Which means... He wasn't there
to see you being born.

He was there to see sue and axl
take their first breath,

But not you,

And that's
why we never told you.

We didn't want to hurt
your feelings.

Sorry, pal.

I understand.

you do? Ohh.

Wow. Brick, that is
really mature of you.

I am 9.

I really like that part
about the parking meter.

That sounds like dad.

It does.

The robot takes
"d" batteries!

And parts of it were
assembled in mexico!

"d" batteries..
Where's the actual robot?

I don't know..
Glad I drove to three stores
looking for it.

Yo.

Hey. What's that
all over your vest?

Oh. Nacho cheese. I'm
practically running that place.

Hey, axl, I finally heard
about the day I was born.
Sweet!

Now I can finally go swimming
at the fergusons.

Fergusons?
Who are the fergusons?

Damn it, axl!
You had to blow it!

He bought it!
We were in the clear.

It had heart. It had funny.
Great attention to detail.

I mean, come on!

The sauerkraut by the sink?
I pulled that out of my--

You had to make up a story
where I look like an idiot?

I won't pay 10 bucks for
parking? I'm cheap and a wuss?

This is a football scar.
From football. Not passing out.
This is the unicorn
all over again.

I don't pass out. The people at
wo know I've never passed out.
A courtesy text would've been
nice! I'm not a mind reader.

You made all that up!?
All right.

No one gets out of this room
until I get the real story--

The true, non-made-up,
actual, fact-based story.

I'm waiting.

All right, brick.

We'll tell you
the real story

Of the day you were born.

I am gonna need a beer
for this.

So that was that then.

We were finally gonna
tell brick the truth.

Okay, brick...
it happened this way.

It was raining and snowing--
one of

Those weird indiana snow-rains
that we get now and then.

Don't worry. Your mother's
picking up sue from ballet

And taking her to
her piano lesson tomorrow.

Man, sue is so good
at evething.

I don't know how
she's gonna narrow it down

When she gets older.
Oh. Here's another one.
Ooh.

Wow.
look at this room.

Oh. It's almost as big
as our house.

The tv's almost as big
as our house.

Oh. Fruit basket. Hey.

look at
all those magazines!

Am I gonna be sharing
this room with someone else?

No.

You reserved the entire suite
for yourself, mrs. Ferguson.

Wait, we're not the f--

You know, I really could use
another pillow.

No problem.

What'd you do that for?

why should we say anything?

Because the fergusons are
gonna need this room.

Oh, it's my third kid, mike.

I'll pop this one out
before they know it.

come on..
For once in my life,

Let me experience the horrors
of childbirth in luxury.

Here ya go.
It's a new kind of foam

That cradles your head
like a marshmallow.

Ohh.
special for this suite.

Mmm.
now if
she needs anything else,

Just come get me,
mr. Ferguson.

We could use a couple more
bananas in the fruit basket.

Mm.

You took the fergusons' room?
That's terrible!

Yes, it is.
Should we just stop here?

Let's just power through
to the end.

so a quick 27 hours later,

During which your dad
was very manly

And did not pass out,

I was holding my sweet,
new baby boy in my arms.

Hi, brick.

You still sure
about that name?
Oh, yeah.

I told you, I read where
kids with interesting names

Grow up to be
interesting people.
how ya doin', mom?

I know you don't want to give
him up for even a second,

But I need to take him
for his heel prick test.

ohh.

Would you like to come watch,
mr. Ferguson?

Mr. Ferguson?

Oh. Sorry.

4th and goal.

Everything looks good.

You can take him
back up now.

Great. Yeah! Interception.

the little cards didn't help.

They both said "ferguson."

I guess they got our crappy
room, but I wasn't gonna ask.

brick? Brick!

I was pretty sure
I picked the right one,

But I knew
your mom would notice

If I brought back
the wrong baby.

Oh, there's
my beautiful boy.

and that's how we ended up

Taking home blake ferguson.

You brought home
the wrong baby!?

How could you not know
it wasn't me!?
I figured
your mom would know.

Mothers are supposed
to know those things.
Oh, so it's my fault?

You're the one that had to watch
the game. I was all drugged up.

They could've put a turkey in my
arms. I would've taken it home.

I would just like to point out
that I was only 5--

Technically 1.

I'm part of the cover-up,
but I was not part of the crime.

Blake was cool.
You could feed him anything.

Wait. How long until you
realized you had the wrong baby?

Pretty soon... After.

Really soon.

A day?

Two days?
a month.

What?
A month.

A month!?
give or take a day.

You didn't know it was me
for a whole month!?

But you're my parents!
How could you not tell!?

Brick,
all newborns look the same,

But eventually
we figured it out,

You know,
after the authorities called.

So you're telling me I spent
the first month of my life--

The most important month--

Bonding with the fergusons!?

Hey, I know how it sounds,
but it's not that bad.

You know, you were the first
for the fergusons,

So they put
a lot of effort into you.
but we
really are sorry, brick.

For all of it.

Mother, father,

Thank you
for your delayed honesty.

I'll be in
my--formerly blake's--room.

Well, that went well.

It was two days,

And brick still hadn't come out
of his room.

Brick? I got your favorites--
books and waffs.

Okay.

I'm just gonna leave them
outside your door.

love you.

Oor creaks)

No time for a plate.
I got a work emergency.

Wait. Has brick talked to you
at all? How's he feeling?

About what?
About the weather.
Whato you think?

About us bringing home
the wrong baby!

I don't know.

I can't run a movie theater
and raise your kids.

axl! Help!

All right. What's the 9-1-1?
The candy counter.

What? I restocked it
yesterday. Oh, my god!

I forgot to close up
last night.

You gotta help me, axl.
I'll get in trouble.

I've never been in troub
before. Is it bad?

Yes! And maybe you should
get in trouble!

Hell, I'd make
a better manager than you,

And I'm really, really lazy.

Please, axl!
I'll go out with you.

No! And button up, for god sake.
This is a family theater.

I am so confused.

I just did
the weirdest thing.

Yeah? What'd you do?

I turned down a date
with a superhot girl.

What is wrong with me?

Maybe yore
just run-down.

No. It's weird, 'cause when
I'm not around her,

I'm always thinking
about her.

Like, always.

Always.

I get it.

But--but then when I am
with her,

I just--I can't stand her,

'cause she's just
so... Dumb.

Ah.

Dumb trumped hot.

Wha--huh?

You're growing up, axl.

Today you learned that there
are more imptant things

Than jt a pretty face.

Whoa. Uh, it's just so hard for
me to wrap my brain around that.

I know, but at some point
as a man you realize,

You want to be with someone you
can have a conversation with,

You can laugh with,
that being with someone

Just 'cause they're hot--
it's not enough.

'course I lucked out
and got the whole package.
She's not here, dad.

Okay. The point is,
I'm proud of you.
I don't want you
to be proud of me.

I wanna want
the hot chick.
I know you do, and a part
of you always will.

not me, though..
I'm very happy.

thought I heard the door.

Sometimes we discover things
about ourselves

That surprise us,

But it's how we handle
the surprise that matters.

After careful consideration,

I've come to realize
something.

I have the coolest
birthday story ever.

oh..

Axl and sue only get one day.
I have a whole month.

you know, brick,

What I didn't get to tell you
the other day

Was that the moment
I held you in my arms--

The second time...
Mm-hmm.

I knew you were mine.

Aw.

Blake ferguson's got nothing
on you.

Even his name--blake.
It's boring.

it's no brick,
I'll tell ya that.

Hey, everyone makes
mistakes, even me.

Remember that
mysteriously broken lamp

You grounded axl for?

I walked into it
while reading.

I was also the one
who put the plastic bag

In the garbage disposal.

It wasn't an accident.

I just wanted to see
what would happen.

But I know you forgive me,
as I forgive you.

Ah.

Oh, and, um...

Here's a list of additional
birthday gifts I'd like.

The pony doesn't have to be
black, just not white.

The white ones are
impossible to keep clean.

There's over 50 things on here.

You don't have
to get 'em all now.

You can take a month...
Give or take a day.