The Middle (2009–2018): Season 2, Episode 19 - The Middle - full transcript

Out here in the middle,

nothing's more important
than what you pass on

to the next generation,
and at our house,

no legacy is more entrenched
than the arrival

of the dreaded box
of cousin clothes.

Oh, no.

Every year I tell them,
no underwear.

Please don't make me wear any
more of Randall's hand-me-downs.

They're not exactly my style.

Sorry, Brick, but until we win
the lottery, your style is free.

Ooh. Looky here.



You don't have
a leather jacket with chains.

There's a reason for that.

I don't know what to tell you,
hon. Free's free.

Ugh.

Don't worry. I had to wear
the geeky cousin clothes

when I was your age, too,
but now since Mindy

gained all that weight,
I get to wear whatever I want.

Well the cousin clothes

weren't the only clothes
causing stress in the house.

Axl. Get in here.

For the past few weeks,
Axl and Mike had been engaged

in a clothing battle
of their own.

Axl, get in here!

Axl, get in here!



What? I'm late
for basketball.

What did I tell you?

I don't want to come home
from work and find any more of

your smelly socks laying around
my house where I can see 'em.

All right, jeez, I forgot. God.
Like this house is so clean.

Hey. Our crappy house is
no excuse for you to be a pig.

Now pick that thing up and get
it out of my line of vision.

And I'm warning you,

the next sock I find,
I'm taking away somethin' big.

Mom?

Who are the village people?

Um... why do you ask?

I think you know why I ask.

Okay. We're not that poor.
You can lose the jacket.

But I still think
the pants are cute.

Zippers are very in right now.

Don't even.

Aah! Mom and dad,
my cross-country banquet

is coming up, and guess who's
getting a trophy? Aah!

You're getting a trophy?

How'd you get
that from that?

Yes! The cross-country end-
of-year banquet is coming up,

and they're holding it
at the high school because

our multipurpose room has mold,
and guess who's getting MVP?

- Uh...
- Me!

Ohh, that's great!

Wow.

Oh, wow!

And I get to pose
in the yearbook and everything,

and I'll finally have a trophy
to put on the mantle.

It is a huge honor.

Wow, MVP

That still means
"most valuable player," right?

Oh! And you need to give them
$40 by Thursday.

40 bucks? For what?

The trophy.
I can't believe I won. Aah!

Aah!

She wins a trophy, and we
got to shell out 40 bucks.

Mike, MVP! When is this
ever gonna happen to Sue again?

I'm still wondering
how it happened this time.

Damn it. Axl, get in here!

What did I say
about these socks?

Oh, oh, that's perfect. You just
automatically assume it's mine.

Oh.

That's it, Axl. How many times
I got to tell you?

Well, I guess more than you did,
'cause I forgot.

Well, let me jog your memory.

I said, "next sock I find,
I'm taking away something big."

- Fine. Whatever. God.
- Fine, whatever?

Whatever. Punish me.
Whatever. Fine.

Okay, fine, whatever, you're not
playing in the game on Saturday.

How's that? Is that "fine, whatever"
enough for you?

What? You can't do that.
It's my last game of the season.

***

No, your last game was
your last game of the season.

You're benched.

Maybe next time, you'll
listen harder to what I say.

Mom. Help me!
You can't let him do this!

They're cousin socks!
They're all stretched out.

That's why they won't stay on my
feet. This is all your fault!

If you'd ever bought me decent
socks, this wouldn't happen!

Please, mom, I love you.
I love you so much.

Sorry, pal.
I support your father.

Are you nuts? The last game
of the season? Over socks?

What were you thinking?

I wasn't thinkin'!
I was going for shock and awe.

He was looking at me
with that snotty face,

and I just wanted to take away
something that he cared about.

Hello? Car? TV? iPod?
Cell phone? Dessert?

Well, where were you
with these great suggestions

30 seconds ago? I don't know!
I didn't want to undermine you.

Since when? You undermine me
all the time! And why am I

the only one who's getting on
him about these socks?

Actually, the socks
don't bother me.

That's your thing. I never got
why it bugged you so much.

I mean, you got "underwear Mountain"
over there.

I walk on bras to get to
the bathroom every morning.

Is that really what we want
to be focusing on here?

All right,
let's just think a second.

I mean, maybe we can find
some way out of it.

You heard me.
I was pretty tough out there.

If I go back now,
my word means nothing.

I guess that's true.

Oh, man. His final game.
He's gonna miss his final game.

Well, sometimes
lessons are painful,

but you got to learn 'em.

Yep.
We won't do this again.

God, this is lame.
How many socks do I have to

leave around the house before
you won't let me come to this?

Enough, Axl.

You did what you did,
you got what you got,

and I'm not losing
a minute of sleep over it.

Mom? Who's liberace?

Why do you ask?

I think you know why I ask.

I got called it
on the way to the bathroom.

Kids can be very cruel.

It was a teacher.

Okay.

It's time to honor
our 2010 cross-country squad.

Now our first trophy of
the night goes to our MVP...

Sally Hays...

I thought Sue
was supposed to be MVP

MVP Spirit.

Our next award goes to
Perrin Chernow, MVP Attitude.

What the hell
is happening?

Wait.
I think Sue's next.

And our award for Sue Heck,

MVP Punctuality.

Rachel Miller...

Everybody gets a trophy?

This isn't winning an award.

This is like hearing your name
when they call attendance.

Come on. That's just the way
they do it now. It's cute.

And aside from the 40 bucks,
what's the harm?

The harm is we're raising kids
with no sense of reality.

Used to be, you were the best,
you got a trophy.

Now we just give 'em out
to any bozo that shows up?

Well, as the father of a bozo, I
would keep that to yourself. I mean,

these kids have got to know
these trophies are meaningless.

Look. I won. I really won!
I feel like I'm dreaming!

- Oh, we're so proud of you, honey!
- Ohh. Hey, look at you!

See, this is what I'm talking
about. When I went here in '83,

they gave a plaque to one person
for shooting free throws.

No one had ever made
106 free throws

in one season before,
so it meant something.

Wait. 106 free throws?
That's your number?

Yep. 106.
I'm at 101.

No. I thought
you had 80-something.

No, dad.
You weren't there,

but I picked up 12
in the game against Zionsville.

Oh... my... God.

That explains everything!
Now it all makes sense!

- What?
- What ar you talking about?

That's why you won't let me
play in the game on Saturday.

You're scared
I'm gonna beat your record!

- You're not playing on Saturday?
- No! He won't let me!

Frankie, Mike's not
letting Axl play?

But it's the last game
of the season.

Tell her, mom.
Tell her the story.

Tell her how dad's scared
I'm gonna beat his record.

Look, it's a parenting issue
it's about respect.

He won't respect you
if he breaks your record?

- Exactly
- It's about his attitude, and...

You know what? I don't have to
explain anything to anyone.

Where's Sue?
Let's get outta here.

See? This is what it's
like in my family.

I just can't please my father.
Won't anyone adopt me?

Basketball is my only ticket
out of this hellhole!

You see the looks
they were giving me?

The accusing eyes? Like I knew
Axl might beat my record.

It's horrible.
It's just so horrible.

What's wrong with people?

You didn't know, did you?

'Course not!
How could you even think that?

Well...
Here's how I could think that.

Come on, Axl.
Take your shot.

Almost. Almost. Come on.

Stay on me.
Stay on me. Stay on me.

Uh-oh.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

I had to ask.

Don't you think I want to see
my own son beat my record?

That's the kind of thing
a dad dreams of.

I hate to say it, but this whole
thing never would have happened

if you hadn't given him
such a crazy punishment.

Just curious. How much do you
have to hate to say something

before you actually don't say it?
You know, I was thinking...

Maybe there's some
other solution.

I mean, we didn't know about the
record. That's new information.

You want me to cave, Frankie?
Is that what you want me to do?

No. Definitely not.
We can't cave.

But I was just,
you know, wondering...

What if, while you were
definitely not caving,

Axl came to you?

What if he offered you
a gesture of remorse?

Well, if he came to me...

We're the kind of people
that believe in second chances,

aren't we? I could tell
Mike liked my idea,

because he was beginning
to think he came up with it.

You know, if he came to me
with a gesture of remorse,

that would be different.

I mean, then I wouldn't
have to cave.

So Mike put his plan to work.

All he needed was for Axl,
on his own,

to give him a reason
to put him back in the game.

Boy, I'm not looking forward
to cleaning those gutters.

Every year, about this time,
your mom gets on me to do it.

Would really show some character
if someone offered to help.

Might make a person
change his mind about a person.

Why would I change my mind about
you, dad? You ruined my life!

Meanwhile, Sue's life
had never been better.

Mike's theory that you could
only appreciate a trophy

if you earned it went right
out the window with Sue.

This? It's for cross-country.
"Most punctual."

Oh! Hi again!
Same trophy.

What are you doing? Stop!

You're not gonna outrun me!
I'm on cross-country!

Wow. Dogs are fast.

Since teenagers aren't always
so great at grasping subtlety,

Mike decided
to dumb it down for him.

You know, Axl, I once had
this big fight with my dad.

Two of us didn't talk for weeks.
I felt bad about it,

and I knew that he was
wanting his car washed,

so I went out and did it.

And when he saw that gesture,

he knew that was my way
of saying sorry, and so...

He was able to turn around
and give me something I wanted.

God, dad. After all you've done
to me, what makes you think

I want to hear
one of your boring stories?

Sue, I saw your trophy.
The Glossners have it!

What?

I was walking past their house,

and I saw it in their garage.
Luckily, they couldn't see me,

because I'm wearing camouflage.
Camouflage.

Glossners.

What?

I know you've got my sister's
cross-country trophy

in your garage.

Maybe we do,
maybe we don't.

If it's in our garage,
it belongs to us.

Look, there is no reason
why we can't all win here.

If you give me back my trophy,

I'm willing to give you
this replica of the eiffel tower

my great aunt
brought back from Paris.

The one in Las Vegas.

How long do you think
it'll take 'em to decide?

The day of the last game
finally arrived,

and Mike and I couldn't
have felt any worse...

We should get goin'.

Should stop by
the locker room...

At least wish the guys luck.

Until he said that.

I got to get my jacket.

Do we really
have to be good parents?

Seriously, Mike. What if
we didn't stick to our guns?

Who would know?
Axl wouldn't tell.

We can teach him
other kinds of lessons.

Frankie, do you really think
that's the thing to do?

No.

I'll be in the car.

And then, just as the buzzer
was about to go off,

Mike decided to take
one last shot,

a shot that couldn't
possibly miss.

Axl, wait.

If someone would just help me
out by, uh, clearing my plate,

it, uh, might change my mind

and make me want to do
something nice in return.

It's practically
in there already.

Just put it in the sink.

Literally, just move it
6 inches into the sink.

Why would you think
I'm in the mood to help you?

I've been giving you signs all
week that I'm upset with you,

and you just don't get it. God!
How obvious do I have to be?

Go.

You said it was in here.

They must have moved it.
Keep looking.

Brick, we got to
get out of here!

There it is. I can get it.

Hurry!

That was close!

Brick?

Brick?

Sue? Are you out there?

Brick, just stay calm!

You have to get me out of here,
or else the Glossners will

find me and kill me! Don't let
me die in these stupid clothes!

What?

Hi. I don't like to
accuse people of things,

but you have my trophy,
my eiffel tower,

and my brother
in your garage,

and if you don't let him out,
that's kidnapping,

and I'll call the police.

Well, how'd he get
in our garage?

Yeah. That's trespassing.
Maybe we'll call the police.

Oh.

Tell you what. I'll let you
have all three back for a kiss.

Oh, God!

Okay.

I didn't tell you
what you had to kiss.

Ew!

Then it'll cost you $20.

The only thing harder
than taking your kid

out of a basketball game,
is having

to go to that basketball game
after you've done it.

It was a parenting issue!
Can't I just wait in the car?

And now the starting lineup

for your thundering hens!

Well, I guess I'll go
sit on the bench.

You don't have to come in, dad.
I'm sure you'd rather

stay out here and stare
at your plaque all night.

For God's sake, Axl,

do you think I don't want you
to play in this game?

You think I don't want you
to break my record?

It's killing me that my own son
has a chance to get his plaque

up there... another Heck man
on the wall... and now he won't.

But I gave you every opportunity
to get back in this game.

and you wouldn't take it.

What opportunity?
Now you're just making stuff up!

If you'd have just
moved the plate

6 inches into the sink...

- It wasn't my plate!
- I was trying to give you an opening.

Why do you think I was talking about
cleaning the gutters?

Wait a minute.

If I cleaned the gutters, you would
have let me play tonight?

Yes!

Why didn't you tell me that?!

Because I wanted you to come up
with it on your own.

If you want me come up
with stuff on my own,

you got to tell me!

All I needed was one gesture,

one tiny expression
of remorse or apology.

Well, I'm sorry
I'm not a mind reader!

I heard "I'm sorry."
Apology accepted. Go play!

But I wasn't apologizing...

Go, you fool! Go!

All I've got

is this $50 bill
from my birthday money.

I'm gonna need change.

Fine!

You think you've taken something
from me, but you haven't!

I don't need a trophy
to tell me I'm punctual!

I know it!

You are just...

BULLIES!

You're worse than bullies!
You are Glossners!

You can all just go
jump in a lake!

I don't need
any of this anymore!

But I do need my brother.

You can have your brother
or your trophy. Choose.

My brother.

- This him?
- No.

It's the other one.

Thanks for picking me
over the trophy.

Of course, Brick.
You're my brother.

While you were in there

did, ah, Derrick say
anything about me?

No.

Good. 'Cause he's gross.

By the way, Sue,

I finally figured out
a use for all these pockets.

My trophy... piece!

I took it apart to get it
past the Glossners.

Luckily,
they're not very smart.

Although, they did
explain this shirt to me.

Aw, yeah!

Sorry, dad! Some records
were made to be broken,

but yours was made to be axed!

You'd never know it
from the dancing,

but Axl's team lost by 30.
He did, however,

set the new free throw record
at Orson high.

Don't forget your plaque. Sue might
want it if you die or something.

Okay, okay...
You done gloating yet?

Wait. Where's my plaque?
Oh, that's right.

It's in the Trophy Case where
yours used to be.

Now I'm done.

Of course, even though
they lost, every member of

Axl's team did get a trophy
for participating in the Season.

Yes!

Yeah, oh, oh, oh, ow!

I know. I'm thinking it too.
Did we do the right thing?

I mean,
I'm glad he's happy,

but should we not
have let him play?

By caving,
did we send a bad message?

I don't know. It's a tough one.
Maybe we'll always be wondering.

That's not it.

I just can't believe the little
bastard broke my record.

Thought
that's what you wanted.

I thought so, too, but my plaque
has been put out to pasture.

Makes me feel
kind of... old.

Oh, honey.

How can you be old when you have
such a hot, young wife? Hmm?

- I do?
- Mm.

Well, get her out here.

Ha ha. Ohh.

This cold air's making
my elbow hurt. Let's go in.

I'll be in in a minute.

So, dad...

How'd it feel in the 1800s
when you won the record?

Felt pretty damn good.

'Course,
uh, mine was all net,

didn't roll around the rim
like yours did.

Ooh.
You know what'd be cool?

Maybe someday my kid
will beat my record.

Hmm. 'Course he'll beat yours first.

Hmm.

Oh, no! Too bad.

I think what you meant was...

Hee-hee! So you still need
help with those gutters?

Nah. Truth is,
gutters don't bother me.

It's more your mom's thing.

So as it turned out,

we had three trophies
to put up on the mantle.

Sure, Mike's wasn't
in the Case at school anymore,

but I don't think he minded.

'Cause when you get down to it,
what really is our legacy?

Is it a trophy, a record,

or is it something more?

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-
hoo-hoo-hoo-o!

What happened there?!