The Mick (2017–2018): Season 1, Episode 14 - The Heater - full transcript

Mickey and Alba go on a gambling binge. In Mickey's absence, Jimmy, Sabrina and Chip fight for control over the house, while one of them must watch over Ben.

- BEN (screaming in distance): Stop it!
- (Mickey slurping liquid)

- CHIP: Give it back!
- SABRINA: Ben, stop running away from me.

BEN: Don't take that! Put it back on!

- SABRINA: Where did you get that?
- CHIP: Hold still.

- (loud crashing)
- BEN: Just go away!

CHIP: If you don't give
that back right now...

BEN (banging on door):
Aunt Mickey, open up! Quick!

No! No, Mickey's not in right now.

- CHIP: I'll kill you!
- BEN (screams): Help!

- You're dead!
- No...!

Ben, what? Are you okay?

Ben, get over here, you little..

- Whoa.
- What the...?

What is going on in here?

Are you eating out of the toilet?

No, I'm not eating out of the toilet.

I'm eating on the toilet.

Oh, okay, 'cause you can get

very, very sick that way.

Okay, thank you for that
helpful reminder, Alba.

No, I just wanted a break

from all of you, okay? And
this is my last sanctuary.

Or it was. What?

What's going on? What?

Ben stole my diamonds.

I need stars for my solar system.

He needs stars for his solar system.

Tough crap. Those
earbuds are for my jams,

not "satellites"

in some kid's crappy diorama.

They said to find objects from home.

I see you found my lighter.

Whoa, hold on, Ben.

Where'd you get all these?

Daddy's closet.

Well, these aren't toys.

These are not to be toyed with.

W-Why? What are they?

They're a sign,

is what they are,

and when the universe gives you a sign,

it's not up to you to ignore it.


New plan: I am going to take

a true time-out from you guys.

And, uh, if you need me, eh...

just don't.

Where are you going?

I'm going to the casino.

I'm passing the baton
to Alba while I'm gone.

Oh, what baton?

It's a figure of speech.

It just means you're in
charge while I'm gone.

Do I actually get to
hold a baton, or...?

Do you need to hold a baton to be a...

- You said it was a baton.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- I should hold something.
- Yeah, yeah. Here, here we go.

How's that? That looks
like a baton. Sound good?

- Okay.
- Great.

But... but my project is due tomorrow.

Don't even worry about it,
Ben. By this time tomorrow,

this solar system, it's gonna
be an entire frickin' galaxy.

Okay, you heard the lady.

I'm calling the shots now.

It's a pepper grinder.
It changes nothing.

It changes everything, Sabrina.

(chuckles) What's with
the pepper grinder?

Mickey gave it to me.
It means I am in charge.


How come you get it?

Just to be clear, we're talking
about a pepper grinder, right?

That, like, grinds pepper?

Yeah, and I'm not comfortable
with the whole arrangement.

Where's Mickey?

Taking a time-out at the casino.

The casino?

Have you lost your minds?

This woman is a degenerate
scumbag gambling addict.

I once saw her snort a fistful

of trucker pills and
play Pai gow for a week.

We got to go get her
before she bottoms out

and sells her ovaries.

Okay, you will go.

Trust me, I would go,
but I'm self-banned

from every casino in New England.

Well, I cannot go, I
cannot take Ben to a casino.

Leave him here.

Yeah, actually, that's a good idea.

I'll keep an eye on him.

Give me the grinder,
I'll take care of it.

No, I think I leave Sabrina in charge.

This is outrageous.

I'm getting passed over again?

It's a pepper grinder. It means nothing.

Then let me have it. No.

See, normally I'd
make a case for myself,

but essentially you're
fighting over a kitchen utensil

and a babysitting job,

so I'll let you ladies duke it out.

Show me the money. Big money.

I am money. I am a money monster...


Please hurry.

Can you not interrupt me, please?

Now I have to start over.

Show me the money.

Big money. Cash money.

Money machine. Money ball.

Uh, courtside seats, celebrities.

Being rich, helicopter.

Seven out.

Okay, put that down, come on.

Fun time's over. Let's go.

Alba? To what do I owe this pleasure?

I am rescuing you.

Jimmy says you have a gambling disease.

I don't have a problem. I'm
just blowing off some steam.

Well, Ben's diorama
has seen better days.

- DEALER: Seven out.
- Agh. Yeah, I know.

I-I'm down a few planets.

That's okay, just means there's
a heater around the corner.

You want to get in on this?

Eh, I don't know.

What, are you afraid
of the big bad casino?

Does it scare you?

Come on, you deserve to take a time-out

as much as anybody else.


Maybe we play a few rounds,
and then we go. Deal?

Yeah, of course, deal,
what do you think,

I'm gonna stay here all
afternoon with these animals?

What, so... what, I grab these?

What, what are you insane?

Not that side. That's my unlucky side.

Get on my right.


Okay, look alive, everybody.
New shooter, hot dice.


BEN: What are you doing?

Oh! F...

Ha! Uh...

Nothing. I was just, you kn...

Why are you tied to a leash?

Sabrina tied me up so I
couldn't get into any trouble

while she's out shopping.

She tied you up like a dog

and I'm the one that's
unfit to be in charge?


I got to get that pepper grinder.

How'd you like to teach her a lesson?

I gotta poop.

Yeah, well, we could do both.

- This is ridiculous.
- Boing, boing, boing, boing.

All right, all right.

- You ready? Ready?
- Yeah.

Here's the game. Okay?

You're going to stay in here,
and if Sabrina calls out

or if Chip calls out,
hell, even if I call out,

you're not gonna move.

Okay? Just stay here.

Don't show your little face.

When do I really come out?

When I have the pepper
grinder back in my hands.

Where it belongs.

Can you at least put the leash back on?

Why do you want the leash?

I don't know, I just like it.

Yeah, so do I.

I mean, Mickey doesn't like it
too much, but I'm working on it.

I will come back and check
on you at dinner, okay?

In the meantime, get in the basket.


- BEN: Whee!
- All right.

Bye, Jimmy!

(door closes)

This is fun.

Okay, shooter needs a seven or 11.

I'd like a two, three, or a
12, but don't let that jinx you.

What? Are you betting against me?

Waitress put four ice
cubes in my glass this time

instead of three, I kind of
feel a cold front coming on.

Come on!

11 winner.

Yay! (cheering)

- (laughs)
- Damn it!

I can't catch a freakin'
break at this stupid ass game.

Are you okay?

Yeah, Alba, I'm fine!

I didn't realize you were the
fun police. Sorry about that.

Is this better for
you, Officer Chuckles?


No. Okay, maybe we go now.

Yes, you want to go? Yeah,
by all means, you win. Again.

Congratulations, ma'am.
That's quite a haul.

Thank you. I got lucky.

Well, on behalf of the casino,
we'd love to comp you a room,

express our gratitude
for playing with us today.

Oh, wow. That is very nice.

Yeah. Yeah.

Uh, we really must be going.

What? What are you...

You turn down a free room?

Well... Wow. Wow, Alba.

Having money has really changed you.

Okay, you are making me really nervous.

I mean, what are we
even talking about here?

We're being offered a free hotel room.


Where there will be no
children to bother us,

nobody's mouths to feed.

They're gonna bring us room service.

Damn it, you make a very good point.

Come on, let's go pop on some robes

and just not have to deal with anything.

Okay, okay, o...

Okay, okay.

- We do it. We do it. Yeah.
- That's my girl.

- Nice pivot.
- Okay.

Sir, please show us to our room.

- You got it. Please follow me.
- Okay. oh...

- I'm gonna...
- Oh, I can help.

- No, your hands are full.
- What? No.

Those are the... those are
the expensive... Mickey!




Come on.

Hey, Ben... (clears throat)

Yeah, that's not good.


Hey, Chip.

Have you seen Ben?

No. I've been enjoying the freedom

not having a pepper grinder affords me.

Right. Yeah, he may have gotten lost.

You mean you lost him.

I don't know. He got off his leash.

You tied him to a leash?

What is this, Florida?

I had to go out for a few hours.

What was I supposed to
do, leave him with Jimmy?

Definitely not.

Will you help me find him?

Look, this whole pepper
grinder thing is insane.

It's a second-rate seasoning at best,

and you guys are acting like
it's King Arthur's sword.

That being said, I really
don't like the thought

of Jimmy having it.

The guy bugs me.


Fine. I'm in.

Oh... (gasps)

- Wow. Yeah.
- Oh. Yeah.

This is nice.

Yeah, this'll do.

Ooh, let's get into that minibar.

Oh. You know, I am gonna call
the kids and check on 'em,

- What?
- See if they're okay.

No, no, no, no, no, no. You're
not checking on the kids.

We're here to relax. Those guys
are the opposite of relaxing.

In fact, give me all your stuff.

- Oh. Why?
- Come on. Because,

you and I, we're going off the grid.

- Oh.
- Yeah. Trust me,

it's for the best.

We deserve it.

The kids'll be fine.

♪ All right, y'all ♪

♪ Pull up your friends, it's
Mix Master Whoopie Whoop ♪

♪ He back once again ♪

♪ Now last time we
made y'all stand up ♪

♪ We told you that you
didn't need to dance ♪

♪ And you know that you
got your soul together ♪

♪ So now that you got it together ♪

♪ We're gonna give it
to you like this here ♪

♪ You ready for it? Here we go ♪

- (laughs)
- ♪ You got to handle it ♪

♪ Come on now ♪

- Hello?! Ben...
- ♪ Come on ♪

♪ Take what you need now ♪

♪ Come on now ♪

♪ We got to make it scandalous, uh ♪

- ♪ Come on now ♪
- (both scream)

♪ Put that thing where it need to be ♪

♪ Whoo! ♪

♪ Put it where it need to be ♪

♪ Where it need to be ♪

♪ Put it where it need to be ♪

♪ Oh... oh, yeah, baby ♪

♪ Let me tell you like this here ♪

- ♪ Check this out ♪
- Wow.

♪ Mama come pull out the skillet ♪

- (grunts)
- ♪ Let a brotherman take control ♪

♪ Got to get ready for the... ♪

Mickey! Mickey! (gasps)


Okay, Mickey.

¿Quieres a bailar?

Vamos a bailar.

Dealer showing queen.

Okay, come on, let's go.

- No more fun and games.
- No, no. Not...

Alba, not now, okay? I'm in
the middle of something. Hit.

- 23. Bust.
- Crap.

- Okay, sweet 16. Hit 'em.
- 24. Bust.

- Hit me on third base.
- Another bust.

Okay, king-slayer. Hit 'em.

25. Bust.

Couple of nines, feeling fine.

- Split 'em and hit 'em.
- 14.

- Hit.
- Bust.

(squeaks) Okay, that's cool. One more.

- Hit it.
- 19.



Son of a bitch!

Ma'am, language.

You see what you've done?

You just come oozing up here
and hanging out on my left side?

I-I had all this! I had all
this, and you made me lose it!

Oh. Oh, I am sorry that I made
you lose all of my money!

Now let's go!

You have lost control.

I've lost control?

Oh, no, you dumb, dumb idiot.

You've lost control!

I was in control!

Get away from me!

Oh, is this how it's gonna be?

- Get!
- Fine!

But you leave me no choice.


Oh, you... Okay. Okay.

Come on. Excuse me.

Sorry. My bad, my bad.

Let's not panic.

Sir, I need your help.

- What seems to be the problem?
- It is my friend.

She has a gambling addiction,
and she refuses to stop.

If we do not stop her, she
will keep losing and losing

until she has nothing left.

All right. Come with me.

(Alba muttering)

Wait, are you kicking me out?

We, uh, reserve the right to
refuse service to anyone. I...

- But I... But...
- Your friend'll be fine.

- But I don't...
- Thanks for playing.

All right, I checked the tree house.
He wasn't there. Did you find him?

Yeah, yeah, I'm looking under
the bed 'cause I found him.


JIMMY: Yo! Benny boy!

Oh, crap, that's Jimmy. What do we do?

We stall.

Oh, it's the pepper princess

and her little salty
troll. Is Ben in there?

- I need to talk to him.
- Yeah. He is.

But, um, he's napping.

Oh, okay. Well, I'll just wake him up.

No, no, no, that's not a good idea.

Because the last time we woke him up,

we... triggered a psychosis.

Oh. Yeah. Well, this
is pretty important.

What's so important that it can't wait?

It's personal.

You have to talk about something
personal with a seven-year-old?

Yeah, I do. It's very
personal. Now step aside.

- No.
- No.

(chuckles) Okay.

- Jimmy. No. Stop.
- Jimmy, stop!

(grunts) Don't...


You have no idea where he is, do you?

He's... around.

You've got some nerve
calling me irresponsible.

And you put the grinder above
your own brother's safety?

Do you have any idea what people

on the Internet pay for a kid like that?


Yeah, well, obviously, I don't either.

But he's a fantastic kid, so I
would imagine it's pretty steep.

- Oh...
- You don't deserve that.

Everything's different now.

Excuse me.

Come on, black. Let's go.

Mama needs a black. Black... Hawk Down.

Black Lives Matter. Just...

black. Give me... give me a black.

Black mama. Black, black, black,
black, black, black, black...

Red seven.

Red seven.




It all comes down to this.

Come on, Mickey, you can do this.

You've accomplished a
lot more with a lot less.

Hey! Hey!


No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no!

My chip's in there! (whirring stops)

Uh, excuse me?

Your vacuum, it just sucked my chip up.

Miss, I'm just doing my job.

Yeah, we're all just doing our jobs.

Can you rip the bag
open, give me my chip back

so I can go back to my job, please?

- Is there a problem here?
- Yes, there's a problem.

The-the vacuum, it just ate my chip.

Uh, well, you-you
probably wouldn't want

to eat that anyway. There's
a lot of foot traffic

going through here.

No, not-not that kind of chip.

What? Why does everyone think
I eat from toilets and floors?

No, a casino chip.

Oh. Uh, how much money
are we talking here, ma'am?

It was a five-dollar one.

Okay, well, maybe you
can, uh, win some more

at one of our tables.

(chuckles, scoffs)
Wouldn't that be nice?

Well, I would have to be a magician,

because that's the last of my chips.

Well, uh, if you don't
have any money, ma'am,

I'm afraid you have
no reason to be here.

Well, I'm not going anywhere

until this chip-sucking
carpet jockey makes it right.


It's pronounced "Garrett."

Okay, shut your mouth.
Don't talk to me like that.

Have manners. I'm a lady.

Security, pit seven.

Oh, you calling in the
cavalry? Okay, that's a...

that's a gross overreaction!

Everything's fine.

I will show myself the door.

In a graceful and classy manner.

You might want to take notes.

(both grunt)

(vacuum motor whirring)

(Mickey coughing)

Order has been restored.

(chuckles) Ben.

Yeah, all right.

Hide-and-go-seek, I'm it, you're it.

Let's go. Come on, dude.






You're not fit to lead.

The kid's better tied up

than he is with you, but no.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You took him off the leash?

No. It was complicated.

I was there, but, uh...

Yeah, I did. All right?

But I should have had
the grinder to begin with,

because then I wouldn't...

- Jimmy, Jimmy.
- Have done this.

Where is Ben now?

I don't know. We lost him, he's gone.

No, Jimmy, you lost him.

I had him tied up safe and sound.

- I mean, it wasn't...
- No. You had him tied up

like a little dog in
a park getting kicked

- by big kids at the...
- Nobody likes it.

- All right, stop!
- With a needle in his arm.

Stop! This is insane.

Do you guys hear yourselves?

Now. As your new leader,
I'm qualified to let...

No. You know what? I'm done
with the leaders, all right?

'Cause that little guy is
out there God knows where,

doing God knows what to whom,
and I'm not gonna have...

Jimmy. No. You're spiraling, okay?

Yeah. Enough with the pepper grinder.

We're gonna come up with a
plan, and we're gonna find Ben.

- Okay?
- Yeah.

But I just got the...

- Chip.
- Fine.

Yeah. We got to find him.

As fast as we can.

Uh, does this bus go
to River Sun Casino?

Do you have the fare?

I have these.

It does now.

Thanks for sticking around.

It was not by choice.

You stole my purse with my keys.


Yeah, I'm-I'm pretty
sure those are gone...

uh, forever.

Look, I realize I did

some pretty questionable
things in there today,

but I-I just needed a break, you know?

Those kids are just
a-around all the time,

and nothing I do is ever good enough.

I just felt like the
universe was giving me a sign.

But I see now that the sign

was that I've got a gambling problem.

Yeah. I saw that sign, too.

Do you forgive me?


Just this once.


Let's go home.

- Benito. What are...
- Ben?

What are you doing here?

The universe gave me a sign.

Oh, well, that's-that's
pretty undeniable, you know.

No, no, no, no, no.

When you literally just promised.

I-I know, but Th-that
was before, you know?

E-Everything's changed now

'cause this... eh,
Th-Th-this is a sure thing.


You must make a choice,
us or the casino.

C-Come on.

All right.

You know, I'll-I'll see you back home,

'cause I feel a heater coming on.


- Come on.
- Jimmy, let's just call the police.

- No.
- Why not?

Because I don't believe in the police.

- What?
- Guys, guys.

We're wasting precious time
and Ben is still out there.

You're right.

I am done with you two goofs,
and I'm gonna go find him.

I'm taking the grinder with me.

No. Jimmy!


Get off.

SABRINA: Let it go, Jimmy.

No, it's mine.

Stop it, fools. I'm the only one

worthy of its power. Ay, come on.


Come, Benito.

JIMMY: Well, wait a minute.

Where's Mickey?

Mickey didn't make it.

Let's go.

(Sabrina sighs)

At least we found Ben.

Yeah, and then there's, like, a rabbit.

- And it goes around...
- Hey, Benito, look.

Any chance Mickey's fixing my first one?

Oh, buddy, there's a better chance

the other one's in a
Dumpster next to your aunt.

(car horn honks)

Rise and shine,
ding-dongs! Get out here!



My God. Oh, hey, Jimmy.

- (gasps)
- Aunt Mickey!?

You know it, buddy.

- What's with the limo?
- Oh, this thing?

Oh, it's just compliments of a heater.

Holy crap. You actually won?

Oh, I won, Alba. I won so big.

I caught a heater so massive

I almost combusted on the spot.

Hey, anybody want a ride to school?

- Yes.
- BEN: Yeah.

All right.


Aunt Mickey, this is awesome.

You like it?

Well, I felt really bad about
destroying your diorama,

so I thought I would
just make you a new one.

Sweet. What'd you get for us?

Nothing. Wh-why? Did
you get me something?

- No.
- Then what are we talking about?

I'm not sure this will
fit in Ben's classroom.

Well, then we're just
gonna have to bring

all the kids outside, right?

And I guarantee this is gonna crap

all over their found objects,

'cause you found a limo.

This is the coolest diorama ever.

Yeah, it's pretty great.

I'm a bit confused

what they're supposed to take
away from all this, though.

Is this, is this that gambling is good?

ALBA: That does not feel right.

You know, maybe it is, um,

don't ever give up.

Or play till you win?

Uh, it just kind of seems
like she shouldn't have won.

Uh, yeah, but I did.

I did win, you know,

so maybe the lesson
is there is no lesson.

It's just life.

You know? Just sort of happens.

Yeah, it does.