The Mask (1995–1997): Season 2, Episode 18 - The Mother of All Hoods - full transcript
♪
♪ I GOTCHA WITH
MY WINNING SMILE ♪
♪ I'M A LIVING LESSON
IN FLAIR AND STYLE ♪
♪ YOU JUST CAN'T HELP BUT STARE
AT MY SAVOIR FAIRE ♪
♪ I'M NOUVEAU, DECO,
ROMAN-GRECO, ROCOCO, BARROCO ♪
♪ BE-BOP, HIP-HOP,
FLIP FLOP ♪
SOMEBODY STOP ME!
♪ PRETTY VIRIDIAN FACES
LIKE MINE ♪
DON'T COME
A DIME A DOZEN,
I STAND OUT OF THE CROWD.
♪ BABE, WHEN THEY MADE ME, YEAH,
THEY BROKE THE MOLD ♪
WHOLESOME AND KIND,
STAID AND REFINED,
TOTALLY OUT OF MY MIND.
♪ ARCH VILLAINS
AND NE'ER DO WELLS ♪
♪ HAD BETTER LEARN TO DECORATE
PRISON CELLS ♪
GREEN GOES WITH ANYTHING
IF THEY ASK. SEE?
♪ WELL, THERE'S ONE LAST THING
I GOTTA SING ABOUT ♪
OPEN UP WIDE
AND REALLY SHOUT.
OH! LOOK OUT!
♪ THIS IS THE MASK ♪♪
SMOKIN'!
♪
AND NOW,
FLATFOOT PATROL
IN EDGE CITY ,
IN COLOR.
BROUGHT TO YOU BUY CORNITO
CHIPS.
THEY'RE CRUNCHALICIOUS!
♪
TIME FOR NUCLEAR BURRITO!
AH-AH!
JUST LIKE MAMA'S MICROWAVE USED
TO MAKE.
POLICE!
DROP YOUR WEAPONS!
NOW!
YOU TOO.
I KNEW YOU WERE INVOLVED IN
THIS, MASK!
SOMETIMES YOU REALLY LEAVE ME
FLAT.
NOW, DROP YOUR WEAPONS!
WELL, IF YOU INSIST.
WHOA! OW!
♪
AH, THEY'RE GETTIN' AWAY,
LIEUTENANT.
OH, LIEUTENANT, SIR, IN MY
HASTE, I DID NEGLECT
TO HAND OVER ONE LAST WEAPON.
MY AK-47 SEMI-AUTOMATIC WEDGIE!
HUH?
♪
ALL RIGHT, YOU'VE FILMED ENOUGH.
LIEUTENANT CALLOWAY,
LOOKIN' GOOD!
♪
WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON THAT
GREEN-FACED FREAK,
I'M GONNA RIP HIS LIPS OFF!
IF SHOW AND TELL IS OVER,
I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE
YOUR NEW SUPERVISOR,
LAWRENCE LORENZO.
NOW, LISTEN UP, PEOPLE.
I'M HERE TO SEE THAT THIS
DEPARTMENT STOPS MAKING
MONKEYS OUT OF OURSELVES ON
NATIONAL TELEVISION
AND STARTS CATCHING NOTORIOUS
CRIMINALS LIKE THE HOOD.
HE'S WANTED FOR LOAN SHARKING,
SMUGGLING,
JEWEL HEISTS, YOU NAME IT.
MY GOAL IS TO CATCH HIM IN THE
ACT, BOOK HIM,
AND THROW AWAY THE KEY.
AND I'VE SELECTED JUST THE MAN
TO HEAD THIS INVESTIGATION.
LIEUTENANT CALLOWAY.
HIM?
OH, IS HE JOKING?
CALLOWAY'S SO WRAPPED WITH THIS
MASK BUSINESS
HE CAN'T EVEN THINK STRAIGHT.
I CAN FORGET ABOUT THE MASK.
I'LL PUT HIM
RIGHT OUT OF MY MIND.
CAN YOU REALLY DO THAT,
LIEUTENANT?
YOU KNOW, FORGET ALL ABOUT THE
MASK AND ALL?
OF COURSE I CAN.
AND I WILL.
YOU WILL?
WHAT?
MOM?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I'M VISITING MY ONLY SON.
DESPITE THE FACT HE NEVER
WRITES, HE NEVER CALLS.
OOH!
OH, I MISSED THE SMELL OF A
POLICE STATION, COFFEE BREWING,
CRIMES BEING SOLVED!
NOT THAT YOU EVER
CATCH ANYBODY.
NOT LIKE YOUR FATHER.
NOW THERE WAS A POLICE OFFICER!
BUT MA, I'M HEADING AN
INVESTIGATION AGAINST THE HOOD.
HOW WONDERFUL!
I'M GOING TO GET A CHANCE TO
JOIN MY SON IN ACTION.
JOIN?
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
WE'LL GET TO SPEND SOME QUALITY
TIME TOGE--
I CAN'T TAKE MY MOTHER
ON A STAKEOUT.
UH, IT'S AGAINST REGULATIONS.
I'M AFRAID YOUR SON IS RIGHT,
MRS. CALLOWAY.
HOWEVER, SINCE YOU'RE SUCH A
CONNOISSEUR
OF POLICE PROCEDURES,
IT MIGHT NOT HURT
TO HAVE YOU THERE
IN AN UNOFFICIAL CAPACITY.
D'OH!
I HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
DOIN'.
OH, DON'T WORRY, MR. MAYOR.
I DO.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, MILO, OLD
BUDDY?
ARE YOU UP FOR A NICE, QUIET
EVENING?
AND NOW, A SPECIAL ENCORE
PRESENTATION OF FLATFOOT PATROL,
IN EDGE CITY, IN COLOR.
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
IPKISS, LISTEN UP,
AND LISTEN GOOD.
I'M ON AN IMPORTANT CASE,
AND I DON'T WANT ANY GREEN-FACED
TROUBLEMAKER GUMMIN' UP THE
WORKS!
I, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE
TALKING ABOUT, LIEUTENANT.
JUST STAY CLEAR OF THE GREASY,
RUSTY, DISGUSTING SPOON DINER.
GOT ME, JACKSON?
DOYLE, I'VE SPOTTED THE HOOD.
CAN YOU HEAR ME?
LOUD AND CLEAR THERE,
LIEUTENANT.
THERE HE IS, MA.
NOW JUST TRY TO BLEND IN.
WHAT? YOU'RE SAYING I DON'T
LOOK NATURAL?
WELL, NO, MA.
I JUST--
FIX YOUR COLLAR, SON.
AND STRAIGHTEN YOUR BEARD.
YOU CALL THIS AN UNDERCOVER
DISGUISE?
NOW, YOUR UNCLE MANNY--
SHH! SHH! SHH!
--THERE WAS A COPY WHO KNEW HIS
WAY AROUND A PHONY BEARD.
YE-DA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA.
♪
OW! OH, I GOT SHAMPOO
IN MY EYES.
TOWEL, TOWEL.
WHERE'D THAT TOWEL GO?
OH, THANKS MILO.
GUESS WHO-LA'S COMING TO DINER.
♪
SO HONEY,
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE THIS
EVENING'S SPECIALS?
ALASKAN SNOW CRABS.
OW! OW! OW! OW!
AND MY PERSONAL RECOMMENDATION:
TROPICAL FRUIT SALAD.
♪
BA-DUP-DUP-DUP-DUP-DUP
HEY!
A CHA-CHA-CHA-CHA-OOH!
BA-DUP-DUP-DUP-DUP-DUP
EEH!
UGH!
WHY, LIEUTENANT CALLOWAY.
ARE YOU UNDERCOVER OR SOMETHING?
OOH, YOU CAN TELL ME.
I CAN KEEP A SECRET.
REALLY, I CAN.
WHOO!
TO PROTECT YOUR ANONYMITY,
I'M GIVING YOU EACH CODE NAMES.
YOU'RE MR. RED.
YOU'RE MR. BLUE.
YOU'RE MR. BROWN.
AND YOU'RE--
OOH! OOH!
LET ME BE MR. SALMON, YELLOW,
PLEASE, MR. FUCHSIA, PLEASE.
I WANNA BE MR. SALMON, YELLOW,
PLEASE, MR. FUCHSIA.
DADDY!
THAT MEAN OLD MAN WON'T LET ME
JOIN HIS GANG OF RUTHLESS
CRIMINALS!
YOU'RE GONNA GET IT NOW, MR.
BECAUSE MY DAD IS
AN UNDERCOVER POLICE OFFICER!
WHY YOU LITTLE!
♪
HOW COULD YOU BLOW OUR COVER
LIKE THAT?
BUT MA!
IT WASN'T MY FAULT.
SORRY, LIEUTENANT.
THESE ARE THE ONLY ONES LEFT.
I'VE BEEN REFINING THIS HEIST
FOR WEEKS.
IT'S FOOLPROOF.
BUT FIRST,
WE MUST LEARN ANCIENT ART
OF ORIGAMI.
GIRAFFE-I-SON.
♪
MOOSE-SON.
AND NOW, THE PIECE DE
RESISTANCE.
UNICORN-SON!
♪
THESE AREN'T MY PLANS.
THAT TEARS IT!
I'M RIPPIN' YOUR HEAD OFF,
YOU GUACAMOLE-FACED WEASEL!
IS THIS YOUR IDEA OF WORKING
UNDERCOVER?
DIDN'T I TEACH YOU ANYTHING?
OW! OW! OW!
UH, BUT MA, HE STARTED IT!
IF WE CAN PROCEED WITH NO
FURTHER INTERRUPTIONS,
I'LL TELL YOU THIS ABOUT MY
PLAN.
IT WILL SPELL THE END OF EDGE
CITY AS WE KNOW IT,
AND HERALD
A NEW AREA OF CRIME.
♪
OH, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO
NOW?
♪
WAIT A MINUTE. THESE ARE THE
HOOD'S PLANS FOR A HEIST
AT THE COCO BONGO TONIGHT!
♪
LIEUTENANT CALLOWAY!
OH, BOY.
AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR EYE?
HEY, YEAH.
LISTEN, YOU KNOW THAT HOOD GUY?
HE'S PULLING A HEIST AT THE--
TWINKLE, TWINKLE, LITTLE STAR.
HE'S PULLING A HEIST AT THE COCO
BONGO CLUB!
HOW I WONDER WHAT YOU ARE.
AND I DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING YOU
SAID,
ABOUT THE COCO BONGO CLUB.
NOW GET LOST!
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?
EVERYBODY'S LOOKING AT YOU!
MA? WAIT!
MA?
OH, GREAT.
NOW WHAT DO I DO?
♪
MR. AND MRS. VANDERBILT,
I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET THE NEW
POLICE CHIEF,
MR. LAWRENCE LORENZO.
WE'RE TAKING A TOUGH STANCE ON
CRIME.
BOY, IT SURE WAS NICE OF THE
MAYOR TO INVITE US HERE,
HUH, LIEUTENANT?
I LOVE THESE PIG TAILS.
GIVE ME THAT.
HE DIDN'T INVITE US, DOYLE.
IT WAS MY IDEA.
I GOT AN ANONYMOUS TIP.
♪
HEY, PAL.
WHERE'S YOUR INVITATION?
MY INVI--OH, OH. YEAH.
UH, WELL, IT'S RIGHT HERE.
UH, SOMEPLACE.
THEN GO SOMEPLACE ELSE.
♪
OH!
AND STAY OUT.
SO HOW ARE THINGS FOR THE POLICE
DEPARTMENT'S UNOFFICIAL
OBSERVER?
OH! I JUST LOVE A MAN WHO
APPRECIATES THE IMPORTANCE OF
DISCIPLINE.
CARE TO DISCUSS IT OVER A WALTZ?
WELL, ACTUALLY, I DO HAVE
A PREVIOUS ENGAGEMENT.
♪
EVERYTHING'S QUIET LIEUTENANT.
YEAH, WAY TOO QUIET.
NEED PIZAZZ FOR YOUR PARTY?
SPARKLE FOR YOUR SHINDIG?
SAVOIR FAIRE
FOR YOUR CHIC SOIREE?
HA-HA.
WELL, LOOK NO FURTHER.
♪
YOWZA!
OH, BABY,
THEY'RE PLAYING MY SONG!
♪
WHOO!
SOMEBODY STOP ME!
♪
DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING?
WELL, YEAH, LIEUTENANT.
ALL THAT STUFF ABOUT PIZAZZ
AND CHIC SOIREES
AND SHIN SPLINTS AND STU--
I DIDN'T,
AND NEITHER DID YOU.
OH! I GET IT.
JUST IGNORE HIM,
AND HE'LL GO AWAY.
IS THAT IT?
SAY, WHAT'S WITH YOUR EYE?
WELL, I KNOW WHERE I'M NOT
WANTED.
I'M LEAVING, VAMOOSING,
TAKING A HIKE. I'M--
♪
IS THIS IS THE FACE THAT SUNK
A THOUSAND SHIPS?
MIND IF I CUT IN?
♪
WHAT'S THAT FREAK DOIN'
WITH MY MOTHER?
THE HUSTLE?
SO YOU'RE CALLOWAY'S MOM, EH?
REALLY?
WELL, YOU MUST BE VERY PROUD.
SO, WHAT'S HIS FIRST NAME,
ANYWAY?
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
LET ME GUESS.
COSMO?
HUBERT?
RUMPELSTILTSKIN?
LET GO OF HER, YOU!
AH!
OH, WHO WAS THAT MASKED MAN?
GAH!
EVERYBODY BE COOL.
THIS IS A ROBBERY.
-POLICE!
-HEADS UP!
-DROP YOUR WEAPONS!
-THERE'S NO ESCAPE.
GUESS AGAIN, MY FLAT-FOOTED
FRIENDS.
DON'T MAKE ANY DEALS, OFFICER.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE MAKE
A DEAL.
MAKE A DEAL.
MAKE A DEAL.
AYE, CARUMBA!
IT'S A MEXICAN STANDOFF.
LA CUCARACHA.
LA CUCARACHA.
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA.
I'LL STOMP YOU LIKE A
COCKAROACHA,
YOU SPLIT-PEA SOUP-FACED
LITTLE--
♪
AND I WAS BEGINNING TO THINK YOU
DIDN'T CARE, LIEUTENANT.
♪
AH!
YOINKS!
♪
I COULDN'T HAVE ASKED FOR A
BETTER DISTRACTION IF I'D
PLANNED IT MYSELF.
HEY, BOSS.
I GOT US A SECOND HOSTAGE.
YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THIS,
YOU TWO-BIT LITTLE THUGS!
MY SON'S A COP!
UMPH!
OF ALL THE PEOPLE IN THERE,
YOU HAD TO PICK HER?
♪
YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA GET AWAY
WITH KIDNAPPING THE MAYOR?
MY DEAR, DEAR, LADY.
BY RANSOMING HIM, WE'RE GOING TO
MAKE A FORTUNE.
AND THEN YOU'RE GONNA LET US GO,
RIGHT?
NO.
THEN WE GET RID OF HIS HONOR.
AND THE TOWN WILL BE OURS.
YOU'RE GONNA BE REALLY SORRY.
THE WHOLE DEPARTMENT'S
LOOKIN' FOR US!
YOU'RE IN FOR IT NOW, BUSTER!
FOR PITY'S SAKE, MAN.
LET HER GO.
SHE'S GIVIN' ME A MIGRAINE!
PUT ME DOWN!
YOU CAN'T DO THIS!
MY SON'S A POLICE LIEUTENANT!
ALL RIGHT,
HE'S NOT A VERY GOOD ONE.
BUT YOU'RE STILL GONNA BE VERY
SORRY.
YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS,
HOOD.
MY NEW POLICE CHIEF WILL TRACK
YOU DOWN AND PUT YOU AWAY.
IS THAT A FACT, MR. MAYOR?
LORENZO?
WHEN YOU'RE GONE,
EDGE CITY WILL BE MINE.
AW, AIN'T THIS THE CAT'S MEOW?
THE COCO BONGO IS CLOSED
FOR THE NIGHT.
I GOTTA DO SOMETHING.
I'M GETTING BORED
OUTTA MY SKULL.
♪
NO SIGN OF THE CROOKS SO FAR.
♪
CORNITO CHIPS!
WHY THEY'RE CRUNCHALICIOUS!
♪
MAYBE THEY'RE GIVING AWAY FREE
SAMPLES.
RELAX, MR. MAYOR.
YOU AND THE OLD LADY AIN'T
CHECKIN' OUT--YET.
HMM?
♪
NOT 'TIL THE HOOD GETS BACK WITH
YOUR RANSOM MONEY.
♪
CALLOWAY HERE.
TELEGRAM FOR LIEUTENANT
CALLOWAY.
I KNOW WHERE YOUR MOM'S BEING
HELD.
GAH!
LORENZO.
YES, I HAVE THE RANSOM MONEY
RIGHT HERE.
OKAY, LIEUTENANT.
THEY WANT YOU TO GO DOWN
TO THE WHARF
AND WAIT FOR INSTRUCTIONS.
MEANWHILE, I'LL TAKE OFF WITH MY
RANSOM MONEY.
♪
NO SIGN OF THE HOOD.
NO WORD FROM LORENZO.
WHAT GIVES?
HUH?
♪
AVAST, CALLOWAY.
WHY WON'T YE LISTEN.
I KNOW THE SCURVY DOG'S TRUE
WHEREABOUTS.
TWINKLE, TWINKLE LITTLE STAR.
HOW I WONDER WHAT YOU ARE.
ARR!
YOU MIGHT WANT TO HAVE SOMEONE
CHECK OUT THAT EYE!
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
HA-HA!
THAT'S THE SPIRIT, MATEY.
DONNER, BLITZEN, MIRRO,
SPARTACUS, AWAY!
♪
HEY, LIEUTENANT!
WAIT UP!
♪
LOOKS LIKE THE CHIPS ARE DOWN,
MR. MAYOR.
♪
AND YOUR CHIPS ARE ABOUT TO BE
DOWN FOR ALL ETERNITY.
♪
BUT I'M THE MAYOR!
♪
C-C-C-CORN!
♪
THERE YOU ARE!
I'M GONNA RIP YOUR HEAD OFF
AND--
CORN, LIEUTENANT?
HAH!
OOH!
♪
NOT THAT WAY.
WE'RE SURROUNDED.
POLICE!
DROP YOUR WEAPONS!
-THERE'S NO ESCAPE.
-HANDS UP!
OOH, YOU'RE IN FOR IT NOW.
TAKE CARE OF THEM.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
USE ME FOR A SHIELD.
WHAT AM I?
A SCHMUCKA?
YAAAH!
UGH. LORENZO.
SO, MR. BIG MOUTH
LAW AND ORDER'S NOTHIN'
BUT A TWO-BIT CROOK!
♪
HUH?
YOU'LL BE SAFE IN HERE.
HURRY!
♪
AND ANOTHER THING!
MRS. CALLOWAY.
YOU BAGGED THE HOOD
AND HIS GANG!
♪
WHERE IS HE?
WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON THAT
GREEN-FACED LITTLE--
WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
AS MUCH AS I HATE TO ADMIT IT,
THE MASK SAVED OUR LIVES.
NO!
DON'T SAY THAT!
IT CAN'T BE TRUE!
NO!
HAS HE ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS?
YES, AND I CAN'T FOR THE LIFE OF
ME IMAGINE WHY.
♪
MRS. CALLOWAY,
I HAVE ONLY ONE THING
TO SAY TO YOU.
FOR HELPING US APPREHEND
THE HOOD,
I HEREBY PRESENT YOU WITH THE
EDGE CITY MEDAL OF VALOR.
AND I DESERVE IT.
♪
AND I HEREBY PRESENT YOU
WITH THE EDGE CITY WEDGIE OF
VALOR!
♪
AH! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!
WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!
♪
TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR ANOTHER
THRILL-PACKED EPISODE OF
FLATFOOT PATROL IN EDGE CITY.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY CORNITO CHIPS.
♪
THEY'RE CRUNCHALICIOUS!
HA-HA-HA.
♪
♪ I GOTCHA WITH
MY WINNING SMILE ♪
♪ I'M A LIVING LESSON
IN FLAIR AND STYLE ♪
♪ YOU JUST CAN'T HELP BUT STARE
AT MY SAVOIR FAIRE ♪
♪ I'M NOUVEAU, DECO,
ROMAN-GRECO, ROCOCO, BARROCO ♪
♪ BE-BOP, HIP-HOP,
FLIP FLOP ♪
SOMEBODY STOP ME!
♪ PRETTY VIRIDIAN FACES
LIKE MINE ♪
DON'T COME
A DIME A DOZEN,
I STAND OUT OF THE CROWD.
♪ BABE, WHEN THEY MADE ME, YEAH,
THEY BROKE THE MOLD ♪
WHOLESOME AND KIND,
STAID AND REFINED,
TOTALLY OUT OF MY MIND.
♪ ARCH VILLAINS
AND NE'ER DO WELLS ♪
♪ HAD BETTER LEARN TO DECORATE
PRISON CELLS ♪
GREEN GOES WITH ANYTHING
IF THEY ASK. SEE?
♪ WELL, THERE'S ONE LAST THING
I GOTTA SING ABOUT ♪
OPEN UP WIDE
AND REALLY SHOUT.
OH! LOOK OUT!
♪ THIS IS THE MASK ♪♪
SMOKIN'!
♪
AND NOW,
FLATFOOT PATROL
IN EDGE CITY ,
IN COLOR.
BROUGHT TO YOU BUY CORNITO
CHIPS.
THEY'RE CRUNCHALICIOUS!
♪
TIME FOR NUCLEAR BURRITO!
AH-AH!
JUST LIKE MAMA'S MICROWAVE USED
TO MAKE.
POLICE!
DROP YOUR WEAPONS!
NOW!
YOU TOO.
I KNEW YOU WERE INVOLVED IN
THIS, MASK!
SOMETIMES YOU REALLY LEAVE ME
FLAT.
NOW, DROP YOUR WEAPONS!
WELL, IF YOU INSIST.
WHOA! OW!
♪
AH, THEY'RE GETTIN' AWAY,
LIEUTENANT.
OH, LIEUTENANT, SIR, IN MY
HASTE, I DID NEGLECT
TO HAND OVER ONE LAST WEAPON.
MY AK-47 SEMI-AUTOMATIC WEDGIE!
HUH?
♪
ALL RIGHT, YOU'VE FILMED ENOUGH.
LIEUTENANT CALLOWAY,
LOOKIN' GOOD!
♪
WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON THAT
GREEN-FACED FREAK,
I'M GONNA RIP HIS LIPS OFF!
IF SHOW AND TELL IS OVER,
I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE
YOUR NEW SUPERVISOR,
LAWRENCE LORENZO.
NOW, LISTEN UP, PEOPLE.
I'M HERE TO SEE THAT THIS
DEPARTMENT STOPS MAKING
MONKEYS OUT OF OURSELVES ON
NATIONAL TELEVISION
AND STARTS CATCHING NOTORIOUS
CRIMINALS LIKE THE HOOD.
HE'S WANTED FOR LOAN SHARKING,
SMUGGLING,
JEWEL HEISTS, YOU NAME IT.
MY GOAL IS TO CATCH HIM IN THE
ACT, BOOK HIM,
AND THROW AWAY THE KEY.
AND I'VE SELECTED JUST THE MAN
TO HEAD THIS INVESTIGATION.
LIEUTENANT CALLOWAY.
HIM?
OH, IS HE JOKING?
CALLOWAY'S SO WRAPPED WITH THIS
MASK BUSINESS
HE CAN'T EVEN THINK STRAIGHT.
I CAN FORGET ABOUT THE MASK.
I'LL PUT HIM
RIGHT OUT OF MY MIND.
CAN YOU REALLY DO THAT,
LIEUTENANT?
YOU KNOW, FORGET ALL ABOUT THE
MASK AND ALL?
OF COURSE I CAN.
AND I WILL.
YOU WILL?
WHAT?
MOM?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I'M VISITING MY ONLY SON.
DESPITE THE FACT HE NEVER
WRITES, HE NEVER CALLS.
OOH!
OH, I MISSED THE SMELL OF A
POLICE STATION, COFFEE BREWING,
CRIMES BEING SOLVED!
NOT THAT YOU EVER
CATCH ANYBODY.
NOT LIKE YOUR FATHER.
NOW THERE WAS A POLICE OFFICER!
BUT MA, I'M HEADING AN
INVESTIGATION AGAINST THE HOOD.
HOW WONDERFUL!
I'M GOING TO GET A CHANCE TO
JOIN MY SON IN ACTION.
JOIN?
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
WE'LL GET TO SPEND SOME QUALITY
TIME TOGE--
I CAN'T TAKE MY MOTHER
ON A STAKEOUT.
UH, IT'S AGAINST REGULATIONS.
I'M AFRAID YOUR SON IS RIGHT,
MRS. CALLOWAY.
HOWEVER, SINCE YOU'RE SUCH A
CONNOISSEUR
OF POLICE PROCEDURES,
IT MIGHT NOT HURT
TO HAVE YOU THERE
IN AN UNOFFICIAL CAPACITY.
D'OH!
I HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
DOIN'.
OH, DON'T WORRY, MR. MAYOR.
I DO.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, MILO, OLD
BUDDY?
ARE YOU UP FOR A NICE, QUIET
EVENING?
AND NOW, A SPECIAL ENCORE
PRESENTATION OF FLATFOOT PATROL,
IN EDGE CITY, IN COLOR.
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
IPKISS, LISTEN UP,
AND LISTEN GOOD.
I'M ON AN IMPORTANT CASE,
AND I DON'T WANT ANY GREEN-FACED
TROUBLEMAKER GUMMIN' UP THE
WORKS!
I, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE
TALKING ABOUT, LIEUTENANT.
JUST STAY CLEAR OF THE GREASY,
RUSTY, DISGUSTING SPOON DINER.
GOT ME, JACKSON?
DOYLE, I'VE SPOTTED THE HOOD.
CAN YOU HEAR ME?
LOUD AND CLEAR THERE,
LIEUTENANT.
THERE HE IS, MA.
NOW JUST TRY TO BLEND IN.
WHAT? YOU'RE SAYING I DON'T
LOOK NATURAL?
WELL, NO, MA.
I JUST--
FIX YOUR COLLAR, SON.
AND STRAIGHTEN YOUR BEARD.
YOU CALL THIS AN UNDERCOVER
DISGUISE?
NOW, YOUR UNCLE MANNY--
SHH! SHH! SHH!
--THERE WAS A COPY WHO KNEW HIS
WAY AROUND A PHONY BEARD.
YE-DA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA.
♪
OW! OH, I GOT SHAMPOO
IN MY EYES.
TOWEL, TOWEL.
WHERE'D THAT TOWEL GO?
OH, THANKS MILO.
GUESS WHO-LA'S COMING TO DINER.
♪
SO HONEY,
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE THIS
EVENING'S SPECIALS?
ALASKAN SNOW CRABS.
OW! OW! OW! OW!
AND MY PERSONAL RECOMMENDATION:
TROPICAL FRUIT SALAD.
♪
BA-DUP-DUP-DUP-DUP-DUP
HEY!
A CHA-CHA-CHA-CHA-OOH!
BA-DUP-DUP-DUP-DUP-DUP
EEH!
UGH!
WHY, LIEUTENANT CALLOWAY.
ARE YOU UNDERCOVER OR SOMETHING?
OOH, YOU CAN TELL ME.
I CAN KEEP A SECRET.
REALLY, I CAN.
WHOO!
TO PROTECT YOUR ANONYMITY,
I'M GIVING YOU EACH CODE NAMES.
YOU'RE MR. RED.
YOU'RE MR. BLUE.
YOU'RE MR. BROWN.
AND YOU'RE--
OOH! OOH!
LET ME BE MR. SALMON, YELLOW,
PLEASE, MR. FUCHSIA, PLEASE.
I WANNA BE MR. SALMON, YELLOW,
PLEASE, MR. FUCHSIA.
DADDY!
THAT MEAN OLD MAN WON'T LET ME
JOIN HIS GANG OF RUTHLESS
CRIMINALS!
YOU'RE GONNA GET IT NOW, MR.
BECAUSE MY DAD IS
AN UNDERCOVER POLICE OFFICER!
WHY YOU LITTLE!
♪
HOW COULD YOU BLOW OUR COVER
LIKE THAT?
BUT MA!
IT WASN'T MY FAULT.
SORRY, LIEUTENANT.
THESE ARE THE ONLY ONES LEFT.
I'VE BEEN REFINING THIS HEIST
FOR WEEKS.
IT'S FOOLPROOF.
BUT FIRST,
WE MUST LEARN ANCIENT ART
OF ORIGAMI.
GIRAFFE-I-SON.
♪
MOOSE-SON.
AND NOW, THE PIECE DE
RESISTANCE.
UNICORN-SON!
♪
THESE AREN'T MY PLANS.
THAT TEARS IT!
I'M RIPPIN' YOUR HEAD OFF,
YOU GUACAMOLE-FACED WEASEL!
IS THIS YOUR IDEA OF WORKING
UNDERCOVER?
DIDN'T I TEACH YOU ANYTHING?
OW! OW! OW!
UH, BUT MA, HE STARTED IT!
IF WE CAN PROCEED WITH NO
FURTHER INTERRUPTIONS,
I'LL TELL YOU THIS ABOUT MY
PLAN.
IT WILL SPELL THE END OF EDGE
CITY AS WE KNOW IT,
AND HERALD
A NEW AREA OF CRIME.
♪
OH, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO
NOW?
♪
WAIT A MINUTE. THESE ARE THE
HOOD'S PLANS FOR A HEIST
AT THE COCO BONGO TONIGHT!
♪
LIEUTENANT CALLOWAY!
OH, BOY.
AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR EYE?
HEY, YEAH.
LISTEN, YOU KNOW THAT HOOD GUY?
HE'S PULLING A HEIST AT THE--
TWINKLE, TWINKLE, LITTLE STAR.
HE'S PULLING A HEIST AT THE COCO
BONGO CLUB!
HOW I WONDER WHAT YOU ARE.
AND I DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING YOU
SAID,
ABOUT THE COCO BONGO CLUB.
NOW GET LOST!
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?
EVERYBODY'S LOOKING AT YOU!
MA? WAIT!
MA?
OH, GREAT.
NOW WHAT DO I DO?
♪
MR. AND MRS. VANDERBILT,
I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET THE NEW
POLICE CHIEF,
MR. LAWRENCE LORENZO.
WE'RE TAKING A TOUGH STANCE ON
CRIME.
BOY, IT SURE WAS NICE OF THE
MAYOR TO INVITE US HERE,
HUH, LIEUTENANT?
I LOVE THESE PIG TAILS.
GIVE ME THAT.
HE DIDN'T INVITE US, DOYLE.
IT WAS MY IDEA.
I GOT AN ANONYMOUS TIP.
♪
HEY, PAL.
WHERE'S YOUR INVITATION?
MY INVI--OH, OH. YEAH.
UH, WELL, IT'S RIGHT HERE.
UH, SOMEPLACE.
THEN GO SOMEPLACE ELSE.
♪
OH!
AND STAY OUT.
SO HOW ARE THINGS FOR THE POLICE
DEPARTMENT'S UNOFFICIAL
OBSERVER?
OH! I JUST LOVE A MAN WHO
APPRECIATES THE IMPORTANCE OF
DISCIPLINE.
CARE TO DISCUSS IT OVER A WALTZ?
WELL, ACTUALLY, I DO HAVE
A PREVIOUS ENGAGEMENT.
♪
EVERYTHING'S QUIET LIEUTENANT.
YEAH, WAY TOO QUIET.
NEED PIZAZZ FOR YOUR PARTY?
SPARKLE FOR YOUR SHINDIG?
SAVOIR FAIRE
FOR YOUR CHIC SOIREE?
HA-HA.
WELL, LOOK NO FURTHER.
♪
YOWZA!
OH, BABY,
THEY'RE PLAYING MY SONG!
♪
WHOO!
SOMEBODY STOP ME!
♪
DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING?
WELL, YEAH, LIEUTENANT.
ALL THAT STUFF ABOUT PIZAZZ
AND CHIC SOIREES
AND SHIN SPLINTS AND STU--
I DIDN'T,
AND NEITHER DID YOU.
OH! I GET IT.
JUST IGNORE HIM,
AND HE'LL GO AWAY.
IS THAT IT?
SAY, WHAT'S WITH YOUR EYE?
WELL, I KNOW WHERE I'M NOT
WANTED.
I'M LEAVING, VAMOOSING,
TAKING A HIKE. I'M--
♪
IS THIS IS THE FACE THAT SUNK
A THOUSAND SHIPS?
MIND IF I CUT IN?
♪
WHAT'S THAT FREAK DOIN'
WITH MY MOTHER?
THE HUSTLE?
SO YOU'RE CALLOWAY'S MOM, EH?
REALLY?
WELL, YOU MUST BE VERY PROUD.
SO, WHAT'S HIS FIRST NAME,
ANYWAY?
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
LET ME GUESS.
COSMO?
HUBERT?
RUMPELSTILTSKIN?
LET GO OF HER, YOU!
AH!
OH, WHO WAS THAT MASKED MAN?
GAH!
EVERYBODY BE COOL.
THIS IS A ROBBERY.
-POLICE!
-HEADS UP!
-DROP YOUR WEAPONS!
-THERE'S NO ESCAPE.
GUESS AGAIN, MY FLAT-FOOTED
FRIENDS.
DON'T MAKE ANY DEALS, OFFICER.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE MAKE
A DEAL.
MAKE A DEAL.
MAKE A DEAL.
AYE, CARUMBA!
IT'S A MEXICAN STANDOFF.
LA CUCARACHA.
LA CUCARACHA.
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA.
I'LL STOMP YOU LIKE A
COCKAROACHA,
YOU SPLIT-PEA SOUP-FACED
LITTLE--
♪
AND I WAS BEGINNING TO THINK YOU
DIDN'T CARE, LIEUTENANT.
♪
AH!
YOINKS!
♪
I COULDN'T HAVE ASKED FOR A
BETTER DISTRACTION IF I'D
PLANNED IT MYSELF.
HEY, BOSS.
I GOT US A SECOND HOSTAGE.
YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THIS,
YOU TWO-BIT LITTLE THUGS!
MY SON'S A COP!
UMPH!
OF ALL THE PEOPLE IN THERE,
YOU HAD TO PICK HER?
♪
YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA GET AWAY
WITH KIDNAPPING THE MAYOR?
MY DEAR, DEAR, LADY.
BY RANSOMING HIM, WE'RE GOING TO
MAKE A FORTUNE.
AND THEN YOU'RE GONNA LET US GO,
RIGHT?
NO.
THEN WE GET RID OF HIS HONOR.
AND THE TOWN WILL BE OURS.
YOU'RE GONNA BE REALLY SORRY.
THE WHOLE DEPARTMENT'S
LOOKIN' FOR US!
YOU'RE IN FOR IT NOW, BUSTER!
FOR PITY'S SAKE, MAN.
LET HER GO.
SHE'S GIVIN' ME A MIGRAINE!
PUT ME DOWN!
YOU CAN'T DO THIS!
MY SON'S A POLICE LIEUTENANT!
ALL RIGHT,
HE'S NOT A VERY GOOD ONE.
BUT YOU'RE STILL GONNA BE VERY
SORRY.
YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS,
HOOD.
MY NEW POLICE CHIEF WILL TRACK
YOU DOWN AND PUT YOU AWAY.
IS THAT A FACT, MR. MAYOR?
LORENZO?
WHEN YOU'RE GONE,
EDGE CITY WILL BE MINE.
AW, AIN'T THIS THE CAT'S MEOW?
THE COCO BONGO IS CLOSED
FOR THE NIGHT.
I GOTTA DO SOMETHING.
I'M GETTING BORED
OUTTA MY SKULL.
♪
NO SIGN OF THE CROOKS SO FAR.
♪
CORNITO CHIPS!
WHY THEY'RE CRUNCHALICIOUS!
♪
MAYBE THEY'RE GIVING AWAY FREE
SAMPLES.
RELAX, MR. MAYOR.
YOU AND THE OLD LADY AIN'T
CHECKIN' OUT--YET.
HMM?
♪
NOT 'TIL THE HOOD GETS BACK WITH
YOUR RANSOM MONEY.
♪
CALLOWAY HERE.
TELEGRAM FOR LIEUTENANT
CALLOWAY.
I KNOW WHERE YOUR MOM'S BEING
HELD.
GAH!
LORENZO.
YES, I HAVE THE RANSOM MONEY
RIGHT HERE.
OKAY, LIEUTENANT.
THEY WANT YOU TO GO DOWN
TO THE WHARF
AND WAIT FOR INSTRUCTIONS.
MEANWHILE, I'LL TAKE OFF WITH MY
RANSOM MONEY.
♪
NO SIGN OF THE HOOD.
NO WORD FROM LORENZO.
WHAT GIVES?
HUH?
♪
AVAST, CALLOWAY.
WHY WON'T YE LISTEN.
I KNOW THE SCURVY DOG'S TRUE
WHEREABOUTS.
TWINKLE, TWINKLE LITTLE STAR.
HOW I WONDER WHAT YOU ARE.
ARR!
YOU MIGHT WANT TO HAVE SOMEONE
CHECK OUT THAT EYE!
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
HA-HA!
THAT'S THE SPIRIT, MATEY.
DONNER, BLITZEN, MIRRO,
SPARTACUS, AWAY!
♪
HEY, LIEUTENANT!
WAIT UP!
♪
LOOKS LIKE THE CHIPS ARE DOWN,
MR. MAYOR.
♪
AND YOUR CHIPS ARE ABOUT TO BE
DOWN FOR ALL ETERNITY.
♪
BUT I'M THE MAYOR!
♪
C-C-C-CORN!
♪
THERE YOU ARE!
I'M GONNA RIP YOUR HEAD OFF
AND--
CORN, LIEUTENANT?
HAH!
OOH!
♪
NOT THAT WAY.
WE'RE SURROUNDED.
POLICE!
DROP YOUR WEAPONS!
-THERE'S NO ESCAPE.
-HANDS UP!
OOH, YOU'RE IN FOR IT NOW.
TAKE CARE OF THEM.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
USE ME FOR A SHIELD.
WHAT AM I?
A SCHMUCKA?
YAAAH!
UGH. LORENZO.
SO, MR. BIG MOUTH
LAW AND ORDER'S NOTHIN'
BUT A TWO-BIT CROOK!
♪
HUH?
YOU'LL BE SAFE IN HERE.
HURRY!
♪
AND ANOTHER THING!
MRS. CALLOWAY.
YOU BAGGED THE HOOD
AND HIS GANG!
♪
WHERE IS HE?
WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON THAT
GREEN-FACED LITTLE--
WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
AS MUCH AS I HATE TO ADMIT IT,
THE MASK SAVED OUR LIVES.
NO!
DON'T SAY THAT!
IT CAN'T BE TRUE!
NO!
HAS HE ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS?
YES, AND I CAN'T FOR THE LIFE OF
ME IMAGINE WHY.
♪
MRS. CALLOWAY,
I HAVE ONLY ONE THING
TO SAY TO YOU.
FOR HELPING US APPREHEND
THE HOOD,
I HEREBY PRESENT YOU WITH THE
EDGE CITY MEDAL OF VALOR.
AND I DESERVE IT.
♪
AND I HEREBY PRESENT YOU
WITH THE EDGE CITY WEDGIE OF
VALOR!
♪
AH! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!
WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!
♪
TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR ANOTHER
THRILL-PACKED EPISODE OF
FLATFOOT PATROL IN EDGE CITY.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY CORNITO CHIPS.
♪
THEY'RE CRUNCHALICIOUS!
HA-HA-HA.
♪