The Mask (1995–1997): Season 2, Episode 14 - All Hail the Mask - full transcript
[yelling]
♪ I got ya with
my winning smile ♪
♪ I'm a living lesson
in flair and style ♪
♪ You just can't help but
stare at my savoir-faire ♪
♪ I'm Nouveau, Deco,
Roman-Greco ♪
♪ Rococo, Barroco ♪
♪ Be-bop, hip-hop, flip-flop ♪
Somebody stop me!
♪ Pretty viridian
faces like mine ♪
Don't come a dime a dozen,
I stand out of the crowd!
♪ Babe when they made me
Yeah they broke the mold! ♪
Wholesome and kind,
staid and refined,
totally out of my mind!
♪ Arch-villains
and ne'er-do-wells ♪
♪ Had better learn to
decorate prison cells ♪
Green goes with anything
if they ask, see?
♪ Well, there's one last
thing I gotta sing about ♪
Open up wide and really shout!
Whoa, look out!
♪ This is the Mask! ♪♪
Smokin'!
- [music playing]
- [cheering]
And you can almost
taste the excitement
in the air tonight, folks,
and here comes the guy
the crowd has come to see.
This year's Edge City
billiards champ.
He's pulling up.
Still pulling up.
[crowd cheering]
Let's shoot some pool.
The Great One himself.
Let's go inside,
see him up close.
Hey, you are not on the list,
you ain't getting in.
Of course, if you wanna
grease the palm a little bit,
you know what I mean?
Oh, yes! We grease whole body.
Coconut oil.
Very slippery.
Hey, what's your big idea?
[shouting]
Come back here.
Smokin'!
[cheering]
I call this one
my bank shot.
[crashing]
[alarm blaring]
[cheering]
You are most wonderful.
Golly, that's
just swell, boys.
Now back off.
You're creasing the suit.
You come to our island.
My card.
"Chief Louie, island of
Coco Bongo." Tourist trap.
No trap. All expenses paid
free vacation.
You don't say.
[woman screams]
Yeah, I could groove with that.
So when do we leave?
Ten minutes.
Now step aside 'cause
big daddy's got
some serious packing to do.
Honored guest, time
to make like a coconut
tree and leave.
No! Stop plane!
Why? Did you forget
your suntan lotion?
- [laughing]
- [alarm blaring]
[screaming]
No disrespect, honored one,
but it occurs to me to wonder,
who is flying plane?
My co-pilot. Who else?
[yelping]
[passengers screaming]
And you call
yourself a co-pilot.
Give me the wheel
at once.
[growls]
[shrieks]
Walked right into
that one, didn't I?
I have got to find
a better brand of denture glue.
Welcome to Coco Bongo,
island paradise.
OK, these must be
the servants' quarters.
When do we get
to the paradise part?
[laughing]
Honored guest, you have
caustic sense of humor.
- Best hut in the village.
- [gasps]
Enjoy.
Time for a little
hut improvement.
Smilin'!
[howls]
[scoffs]
Green man is long lost
Most Exalted Ancient One
come back to protect island.
His powers even greater
than yours, witch doctor.
Bah! Green man nothing
but con artist.
Green man amazing.
Shoot pool.
Make eight ball
in corner pocket.
Yeah, him work mean stick.
I tell you green man
ain't Most Exalted
Ancient One.
Him big fake.
Look and compare.
Nose too big,
chin too weak.
Witch doctor have only power.
[snoring]
Me prove him big fake.
- Put hex on him.
- [rattling]
Mariachis!
Yee-ha!
Chicky-boom!
Chicky-boom-boom!
[mutters]
You might wanna think
about waxing those
legs, Desiree.
Big ball in sky go down.
Time to throw big luau
for honored guest.
Groovy, man,
'cause I got some
major munchies happening.
Time for ceremonial oil dance.
[laughing]
No offense, Chief, old pal,
but that is the lamest
dance I've ever seen.
You guys oughta be
doing the hula.
The hula?!
What is this thing called hula?
Well, slam your eyeballs
against this, Chiefy.
It's all in the hips.
Ain't nothing cooler
than the hula.
[oohing and ahhing]
Somebody stop me.
Me stop him all right.
Put big hex on green man.
Sounds like somebody
wants to play.
[grunting]
[laughing]
It's all in the hips,
witch doctor.
[loud rumbling]
[screaming]
Island angry with us.
Big shake-shake all finished.
Good time to tell story
of Most Exalted Ancient One.
Most Exalted Ancient One
first appeared 100 years ago
when great tsunami
threatened island.
He saved the island,
chase away tsunami
with his great powers.
Away, tsunami, go home.
But Most Exalted Ancient One
disappeared when tsunami
vanished
never to be seen again.
So how do you like
our little paradise?
[snoring]
- [loud rumbling]
- [screaming]
The totems are falling down.
[barking]
What I tell you?
Him no Most Exalted
Ancient One.
Him bum.
[screams]
Hey, what's the big...
[barking]
This is a job
for Buzz Saw Head Man.
No, wait, make that
Rotary Head Guy.
The Human Cleaver?
- [whimpers]
- All right, all right.
[shouting]
There is no question
our guest is the one.
All hail
Most Exalted Ancient One.
Hail, Most Exalted
Ancient One.
Me still say his nose too big.
[spits]
Pal, get it together.
So hard to find good help
these days.
[wolf whistles]
Now hear this,
"By royal decree,
I command that right now
it is time
to par-tay!"
[cheering]
[chanting]
Party! Party!
Party! Party!
Tell me now, where is
the best place to party?
- The club!
- [cheering]
[all groan]
We are hanging our heads
in shame, O Great One.
- We have no club.
- Then build it.
We're talking pool table
with a capital T and it
stands for bowling alley,
gladiators, petting zoo,
state of the art outhouse.
And remember,
no shoes, no shirt, no service.
Ahh, that's more like it.
Me really hate that guy.
Most Exalted Ancient One
must not leave.
If it'd be up to me,
you'd be on the first
boat to China,
but they think
you big hotshot.
So me have to make you stay.
Really?
Let's see you try.
Cookie lookee hooky cabana.
Turn you into a big banana.
[all gasping]
A little snug.
You got anything
in size 12?
Hokey dokey,
ping and pong,
turn you into
a great big gong.
You're looking a tad shaky,
Doc.
Maybe you oughta cut down
on the double espresso
cocoa beans, hmm?
OK, you asked for it.
- Bring me the big pouch.
- Oooh!
The big pouch?
Ooh! Not the big pouch.
Inky binky bingo bing,
big magic, do your thing!
Oh, right.
Like a couple of flakes
of parsley are gonna...
[cheering]
Him good.
Better than Copperfield.
[gasping]
Hi, everybody. Awfully balmy
weather we're having, isn't it?
What you do to Most
Exalted Ancient One?
Me did nothing.
Maybe Earth's gone bad.
No, the top seals
freshness in.
It's all his fault.
Must sacrifice him
to Great Bog.
Only way to bring back
you know who.
Sacrifice? Bog?
You're making a big mistake.
We're talking lawsuit here,
people.
[barking]
Great Bog beckons.
Yeah, it looks like it.
Boiling lava really makes me
break out in a bad rash.
Silence!
You make Most Exalted
Ancient One disappear.
Maybe you disappear,
bring him back.
The only thing that'll
bring him back is if I
get the Mask back on.
Do it, boy.
Bring me the mask. Please.
What all this talk
about the Mask?
Who knows? Him talk
more mumbo-jumbo than
my brother-in-law.
Soon great fireball
in the sky rise over ocean.
Then we throw him in the bog.
[gulps]
Ooh! [barks]
[howls]
[loud rumbling]
Most Exalted Ancient One
ticked off with us.
Must hurry sacrifice.
Goodbye, world.
I'll miss you, Peggy,
and Charlie,
even you, Mrs. Peenman,
and especially my bestest
pal Milo.
Milo! [whistles]
O Most Exalted
Ancient One,
accept this miserable sacrifice
and come back to us.
- [loud bang]
- [screaming]
Milo!
Oh, no, you've got the Mask on.
Milo, don't.
You're gonna make us fall!
Sacrifice is done.
Maybe now Most Exalted
Ancient One come back.
Me hope not.
Hi, guys. Miss me?
Man, I tell you.
That boiling lava
really clears out the sinuses.
[cheering]
Most Exalted Ancient One,
thank goodness.
Tsunami!
Gesundheit.
No. Tsunami.
Big wave heading for island.
Save us, O Mighty
Exalted Ancient One.
Well, I don't know.
You fellas are pretty
ungrateful.
I mean, casting spells,
turning a guy into a banana,
throwing my pal
into that big bog of yours.
It never happen again.
We promise. Scout's honor.
So if I save you,
you will let me leave?
Is it a deal?
Deal, yes, deal!
Now quick. Stop great tsunami
before it wash everything away.
No more island.
No more beach.
No more club!
No more club?
Why didn't you say so?
All right, tsunami.
Time for a showdown with...
Samurai.
[grunting]
Listen up, tsunami.
You go back to mommy.
Well, fellas, it's been great,
but we really must run.
Hang ten, gnarly native dudes.
Catch you on the flip side.
Smokin'!
Him was the best friend
I ever had.
[theme music playing]
♪ I got ya with
my winning smile ♪
♪ I'm a living lesson
in flair and style ♪
♪ You just can't help but
stare at my savoir-faire ♪
♪ I'm Nouveau, Deco,
Roman-Greco ♪
♪ Rococo, Barroco ♪
♪ Be-bop, hip-hop, flip-flop ♪
Somebody stop me!
♪ Pretty viridian
faces like mine ♪
Don't come a dime a dozen,
I stand out of the crowd!
♪ Babe when they made me
Yeah they broke the mold! ♪
Wholesome and kind,
staid and refined,
totally out of my mind!
♪ Arch-villains
and ne'er-do-wells ♪
♪ Had better learn to
decorate prison cells ♪
Green goes with anything
if they ask, see?
♪ Well, there's one last
thing I gotta sing about ♪
Open up wide and really shout!
Whoa, look out!
♪ This is the Mask! ♪♪
Smokin'!
- [music playing]
- [cheering]
And you can almost
taste the excitement
in the air tonight, folks,
and here comes the guy
the crowd has come to see.
This year's Edge City
billiards champ.
He's pulling up.
Still pulling up.
[crowd cheering]
Let's shoot some pool.
The Great One himself.
Let's go inside,
see him up close.
Hey, you are not on the list,
you ain't getting in.
Of course, if you wanna
grease the palm a little bit,
you know what I mean?
Oh, yes! We grease whole body.
Coconut oil.
Very slippery.
Hey, what's your big idea?
[shouting]
Come back here.
Smokin'!
[cheering]
I call this one
my bank shot.
[crashing]
[alarm blaring]
[cheering]
You are most wonderful.
Golly, that's
just swell, boys.
Now back off.
You're creasing the suit.
You come to our island.
My card.
"Chief Louie, island of
Coco Bongo." Tourist trap.
No trap. All expenses paid
free vacation.
You don't say.
[woman screams]
Yeah, I could groove with that.
So when do we leave?
Ten minutes.
Now step aside 'cause
big daddy's got
some serious packing to do.
Honored guest, time
to make like a coconut
tree and leave.
No! Stop plane!
Why? Did you forget
your suntan lotion?
- [laughing]
- [alarm blaring]
[screaming]
No disrespect, honored one,
but it occurs to me to wonder,
who is flying plane?
My co-pilot. Who else?
[yelping]
[passengers screaming]
And you call
yourself a co-pilot.
Give me the wheel
at once.
[growls]
[shrieks]
Walked right into
that one, didn't I?
I have got to find
a better brand of denture glue.
Welcome to Coco Bongo,
island paradise.
OK, these must be
the servants' quarters.
When do we get
to the paradise part?
[laughing]
Honored guest, you have
caustic sense of humor.
- Best hut in the village.
- [gasps]
Enjoy.
Time for a little
hut improvement.
Smilin'!
[howls]
[scoffs]
Green man is long lost
Most Exalted Ancient One
come back to protect island.
His powers even greater
than yours, witch doctor.
Bah! Green man nothing
but con artist.
Green man amazing.
Shoot pool.
Make eight ball
in corner pocket.
Yeah, him work mean stick.
I tell you green man
ain't Most Exalted
Ancient One.
Him big fake.
Look and compare.
Nose too big,
chin too weak.
Witch doctor have only power.
[snoring]
Me prove him big fake.
- Put hex on him.
- [rattling]
Mariachis!
Yee-ha!
Chicky-boom!
Chicky-boom-boom!
[mutters]
You might wanna think
about waxing those
legs, Desiree.
Big ball in sky go down.
Time to throw big luau
for honored guest.
Groovy, man,
'cause I got some
major munchies happening.
Time for ceremonial oil dance.
[laughing]
No offense, Chief, old pal,
but that is the lamest
dance I've ever seen.
You guys oughta be
doing the hula.
The hula?!
What is this thing called hula?
Well, slam your eyeballs
against this, Chiefy.
It's all in the hips.
Ain't nothing cooler
than the hula.
[oohing and ahhing]
Somebody stop me.
Me stop him all right.
Put big hex on green man.
Sounds like somebody
wants to play.
[grunting]
[laughing]
It's all in the hips,
witch doctor.
[loud rumbling]
[screaming]
Island angry with us.
Big shake-shake all finished.
Good time to tell story
of Most Exalted Ancient One.
Most Exalted Ancient One
first appeared 100 years ago
when great tsunami
threatened island.
He saved the island,
chase away tsunami
with his great powers.
Away, tsunami, go home.
But Most Exalted Ancient One
disappeared when tsunami
vanished
never to be seen again.
So how do you like
our little paradise?
[snoring]
- [loud rumbling]
- [screaming]
The totems are falling down.
[barking]
What I tell you?
Him no Most Exalted
Ancient One.
Him bum.
[screams]
Hey, what's the big...
[barking]
This is a job
for Buzz Saw Head Man.
No, wait, make that
Rotary Head Guy.
The Human Cleaver?
- [whimpers]
- All right, all right.
[shouting]
There is no question
our guest is the one.
All hail
Most Exalted Ancient One.
Hail, Most Exalted
Ancient One.
Me still say his nose too big.
[spits]
Pal, get it together.
So hard to find good help
these days.
[wolf whistles]
Now hear this,
"By royal decree,
I command that right now
it is time
to par-tay!"
[cheering]
[chanting]
Party! Party!
Party! Party!
Tell me now, where is
the best place to party?
- The club!
- [cheering]
[all groan]
We are hanging our heads
in shame, O Great One.
- We have no club.
- Then build it.
We're talking pool table
with a capital T and it
stands for bowling alley,
gladiators, petting zoo,
state of the art outhouse.
And remember,
no shoes, no shirt, no service.
Ahh, that's more like it.
Me really hate that guy.
Most Exalted Ancient One
must not leave.
If it'd be up to me,
you'd be on the first
boat to China,
but they think
you big hotshot.
So me have to make you stay.
Really?
Let's see you try.
Cookie lookee hooky cabana.
Turn you into a big banana.
[all gasping]
A little snug.
You got anything
in size 12?
Hokey dokey,
ping and pong,
turn you into
a great big gong.
You're looking a tad shaky,
Doc.
Maybe you oughta cut down
on the double espresso
cocoa beans, hmm?
OK, you asked for it.
- Bring me the big pouch.
- Oooh!
The big pouch?
Ooh! Not the big pouch.
Inky binky bingo bing,
big magic, do your thing!
Oh, right.
Like a couple of flakes
of parsley are gonna...
[cheering]
Him good.
Better than Copperfield.
[gasping]
Hi, everybody. Awfully balmy
weather we're having, isn't it?
What you do to Most
Exalted Ancient One?
Me did nothing.
Maybe Earth's gone bad.
No, the top seals
freshness in.
It's all his fault.
Must sacrifice him
to Great Bog.
Only way to bring back
you know who.
Sacrifice? Bog?
You're making a big mistake.
We're talking lawsuit here,
people.
[barking]
Great Bog beckons.
Yeah, it looks like it.
Boiling lava really makes me
break out in a bad rash.
Silence!
You make Most Exalted
Ancient One disappear.
Maybe you disappear,
bring him back.
The only thing that'll
bring him back is if I
get the Mask back on.
Do it, boy.
Bring me the mask. Please.
What all this talk
about the Mask?
Who knows? Him talk
more mumbo-jumbo than
my brother-in-law.
Soon great fireball
in the sky rise over ocean.
Then we throw him in the bog.
[gulps]
Ooh! [barks]
[howls]
[loud rumbling]
Most Exalted Ancient One
ticked off with us.
Must hurry sacrifice.
Goodbye, world.
I'll miss you, Peggy,
and Charlie,
even you, Mrs. Peenman,
and especially my bestest
pal Milo.
Milo! [whistles]
O Most Exalted
Ancient One,
accept this miserable sacrifice
and come back to us.
- [loud bang]
- [screaming]
Milo!
Oh, no, you've got the Mask on.
Milo, don't.
You're gonna make us fall!
Sacrifice is done.
Maybe now Most Exalted
Ancient One come back.
Me hope not.
Hi, guys. Miss me?
Man, I tell you.
That boiling lava
really clears out the sinuses.
[cheering]
Most Exalted Ancient One,
thank goodness.
Tsunami!
Gesundheit.
No. Tsunami.
Big wave heading for island.
Save us, O Mighty
Exalted Ancient One.
Well, I don't know.
You fellas are pretty
ungrateful.
I mean, casting spells,
turning a guy into a banana,
throwing my pal
into that big bog of yours.
It never happen again.
We promise. Scout's honor.
So if I save you,
you will let me leave?
Is it a deal?
Deal, yes, deal!
Now quick. Stop great tsunami
before it wash everything away.
No more island.
No more beach.
No more club!
No more club?
Why didn't you say so?
All right, tsunami.
Time for a showdown with...
Samurai.
[grunting]
Listen up, tsunami.
You go back to mommy.
Well, fellas, it's been great,
but we really must run.
Hang ten, gnarly native dudes.
Catch you on the flip side.
Smokin'!
Him was the best friend
I ever had.
[theme music playing]