The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 2, Episode 32 - Aah, Yer Fadder Wears Army Shoes - full transcript
Not to be upstaged by a beautiful Army brat with an impressive pedigree, Dobie claims his father is a missing in action WWII hero and sets to spinning yarns of his extraordinary exploits.
- EXCUSE ME. I'M PVT. GILLIS.
LT. MERRIWETHER SENT FOR...
HELLO.
- YOU WERE SAYING?
- WHATEVER IT WAS
I'VE FORGOTTEN,
FOR THE SIGHT OF YOU, MY DEAR,
DRIVES EVERYTHING BEFORE IT
LIKE LEAVES BEFORE AN AUTUMN WIND.
- WHAT ARE YOU,
SOME KIND OF A NUT?
- THAT'S IT, A NUT,
FOR ONE LOOK AT YOU,
AND ALL SANITY IS GONE.
COMMAND ME. I AM YOURS.
- SOLDIER, I'LL
GIVE YOU A CHOICE.
SHAPE UP AND STATE YOUR
BUSINESS, OR I CALL THE MPs.
- OH, I LIKE THAT YOU'RE ANGRY.
THERE'S FIRE IN YOUR EYES.
- LOOK, I MEAN IT. THIS
IS THE ARMY, PRIVATE,
NOT A TUNNEL OF LOVE. NOW,
WHAT DO YOU WANT HERE?
- WHAT I WANT IS A KIND
WORD FROM YOU, MY PRETTY.
- SOLDIER.
- OKAY. OKAY. OKAY.
PVT. GILLIS REPORTING AS
ORDERED BY LT. MERRIWETHER.
JUST A MINUTE. JUST A MINUTE.
- NOW WHAT?
- I DON'T GET IT.
LOOK AT YOU SO YOUNG,
SO FAIR, SO BEAUTIFUL.
HOW CAN YOU BE SO G.I.?
- I'M A SOLDIER.
HADN'T YOU NOTICED?
- A SOLDIER, YES,
BUT FIRST A WOMAN.
- NO, BUDDY, A WOMAN,
YES, BUT FIRST A SOLDIER.
FIRST, LAST, AND
ALWAYS A SOLDIER.
MY FATHER WAS A SOLDIER.
HIS FATHER WAS A SOLDIER.
HIS FATHER WAS A SOLDIER.
HIS FATHER WAS A SOLDIER.
AND HIS FATHER WAS A SOLDIER.
- HIS FATHER WAS
A SOLDIER. YEAH.
- AND IF I HADN'T HAVE HAD
THE ROTTEN LUCK
TO BE BORN A GIRL,
I'D BE IN WEST POINT TODAY
INSTEAD OF MAKING SMALL TALK
WITH A PUNY, PASTY-FACED
CIVILIAN LIKE YOU.
- OH, NOW, JUST A MINUTE.
JUST A DARN MINUTE.
IT SO HAPPENS
I'M NOT A CIVILIAN.
- OH, YES, YOU ARE.
THAT UNIFORM DOESN'T
MAKE YOU A SOLDIER.
WHAT MAKES A SOLDIER
IS MILITARY TRADITION,
BACKGROUND, FAMILY,
SOLDIER'S BLOOD
FLOWING IN YOUR VEINS
GENERATION AFTER GENERATION.
- WELL, FOR YOUR
INFORMATION, MISS,
MY FATHER WAS IN
THE BIG ONE, WWII,
WITH A VERY
DISTINGUISHED RECORD.
- REALLY?
- REALLY.
- DID HE WIN ANY MEDALS?
- LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY,
IF HE HAD A CHEST AS
WIDE AS YOUR DESK,
WHICH INCIDENTALLY IT ALMOST IS,
THERE WOULDN'T BE ROOM
TO HANG ALL THE MEDALS.
- GEE, THIS IS WONDERFUL
BECAUSE I'LL GET TO
MEET HIM NEXT SATURDAY.
- AND IF HE HAD A CHEST AS
WIDE AS THIS WHOLE BUILDING
YOU'RE GONNA MEET MY
FATHER NEXT SATURDAY?
- WELL, SURE. HAVEN'T YOU HEARD?
NEXT SATURDAY'S FATHER
AND SON DAY HERE AT THE CAMP.
ALL THE FATHERS ARE
COMING UP TO VISIT.
- HMM.
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
[SCATTING] ♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
THAT WAS A BIG LIE I
TOLD THAT PRETTY WAC
ABOUT MY FATHER BEING A WAR
HERO AND WINNING ALL THOSE MEDALS.
THAT WAS A PLAIN, DOWNRIGHT LIE.
BUT I ASK YOU TO
BELIEVE SOMETHING.
I'M NOT A LIAR. I'M
AN HONEST MAN.
IT'S ONLY THAT I GET
CARRIED AWAY SOMETIMES,
LIKE WHEN I SEE A PRETTY GIRL.
THEN SOMEHOW I START LYING,
AND ONE LIE LEADS TO ANOTHER
AND THEN ANOTHER
AND THEN ANOTHER.
AND, BOY, I SURE TELL A LOT
OF LIES FOR AN HONEST MAN.
- GILLIS, I'VE GOT
A JOB FOR YOU.
I GUESS YOU KNOW NEXT SATURDAY
IS FATHER AND SON DAY.
- YEAH, SO I HEAR.
- I WANT YOU TO GO
TO YOUR COMPANY
AND TELL THEM I WANT
A 100 PERCENT TURNOUT,
EVERY FATHER IN THE OUTFIT
PRESENT AND ACCOUNTED FOR.
AND THAT MEANS
YOURSELF, TOO, OF COURSE.
- MINE, SIR? YOU WANT
MY FATHER HERE?
- WHAT A DAY I'VE PLANNED,
LUNCHEON, SOFTBALL
GAME, THREE-LEGGED RACE,
AND THEN A BIG COMMUNITY SING.
- UH-HUH. YEAH, BUT, SIR...
- GET CRACKING, GILLIS,
AND BE SURE EVERYBODY
HAS HIS FATHER HERE.
DISMISSED.
- YES, SIR.
SIR, MY FATHER CAN'T MAKE IT.
- AND WHY, PRAY TELL,
SHOULD YOUR FATHER
BE AMONG THE MISSING?
- THAT'S IT, SIR.
THAT'S IT. HE'S MISSING.
- OH, YOU POOR THING.
- WHAT ARE YOU
SAYING, PVT. TURNER?
- SIR, HIS FATHER WAS
IN THE BIG ONE, WWII.
I GUESS HE WON JUST ABOUT
EVERY DECORATION THERE WAS,
DIDN'T HE, PVT. GILLIS?
- WELL, NOT EVERY ONE.
- YOU MEAN HE'S
MISSING IN ACTION?
- I'M AFRAID SO, SIR.
- GILLIS, SON,
I'M NOT THE KIND OF
MAN TO TAKE EXCUSES.
BUT IN THIS CASE, I'M
GONNA MAKE AN EXCEPTION,
IF HE'S MISSING IN ACTION.
- BUT, SIR, MY FATHER ISN'T...
- DEAD? OF COURSE
HE ISN'T, GILLIS.
YOU JUST HANG ON TO THAT IDEA.
SOMEWHERE, SOMEHOW,
YOUR FATHER'S TRYING
TO GET BACK TO YOU.
- YEAH. BUT, SIR...
- WHERE THERE'S LIFE,
THERE'S HOPE,
GILLIS. AND, GILLIS,
I WANT YOU TO BE THERE
ON FATHER AND SON DAY,
EVEN IF YOUR FATHER CAN'T.
- ALL RIGHT. SO I
TOLD A ROTTEN LIE.
I MEAN, IT WAS UNFORGIVABLE,
TELLING MARCIA MY POOR
FATHER WAS MISSING IN ACTION
WHEN ALL THE TIME HE WAS
PEACEFULLY, QUIETLY TAKING CARE
OF HIS PEACEFUL,
QUIET GROCERY STORE.
- NOT TOMORROW.
I WANT THIS CASH
REGISTER FIXED TODAY.
WHAT KIND OF SERVICE
IS THIS ANYWAY?
I KNOW IT'S 25 YEARS OLD,
BUT WHY ISN'T IT WORKING?
I'M 45. I'M STILL WORKING.
NOW, I WANT IT FIXED TODAY NOW.
- MY POOR, QUIET,
PEACEFUL FATHER,
AND I HAD TO GO TELL A
ROTTEN LIE ABOUT HIM.
WHY? BECAUSE I'M A ROTTEN LIAR.
YOU WANT ANOTHER
REASON? I'LL SHOW YOU.
- POOR BABY. POOR DARLING.
- YEAH, NOW THE OTHER SIDE.
- 'COURSE, MY DEAR.
- YES. MM.
- DOBIE, WOULDN'T IT HELP
TO TALK ABOUT IT,
ABOUT YOUR POOR
FATHER MISSING IN ACTION?
- MARCIA, I'VE ASKED
YOU NOT TO MENTION IT.
IT'S JUST TOO, TOO PAINFUL.
- 'COURSE, DOBIE. FORGIVE ME.
- MM-HMM. NOW BOTH AT ONCE.
- YES, DEAR.
- YES. MM.
- LIKE, HI, DOBE.
LIKE, HI, GIRL.
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
DOBE? DON'T YOU FEEL WELL?
- OH, HI, MAYNARD.
MARCIA, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY
GOOD FRIEND, MAYNARD G. KREBS.
PVT. KREBS, PVT. TURNER.
- LIKE, HI. HEY, DOBE, YOU HEAR
FROM YOUR FATHER LATELY?
- AND YOU CALL YOURSELF
A FRIEND OF DOBIE'S?
HOW CAN YOU BE SO UNFEELING,
SPEAKING ABOUT A
GRUESOME THING LIKE THAT?
- LIKE DOBIE'S FATHER?
- YES.
- GRUESOME?
- WELL, WHAT WOULD YOU CALL IT?
- GRUESOME.
- DON'T YOU THINK
AN APOLOGY'S IN ORDER?
- YOU'RE, LIKE, RIGHT, GIRL.
DOBE, I'M SORRY
ABOUT YOUR FATHER.
- THANKS, MAYNARD. THANKS.
HAVEN'T YOU GOT
SOME PLACE TO GO?
- LIKE WHERE?
- WELL,
WHY DON'T YOU GO PLAY
ON THE RIFLE RANGE?
- WELL, I CAN'T. I'M
CONFINED TO BARRACKS.
- MAYNARD, IF YOU'RE
CONFINED TO BARRACKS,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?
- OH, YEAH. GOOD THINKING.
- YEAH. GOOD NIGHT.
- HEY, DOBE, YOU KNOW HOW
COME I'M CONFINED TO BARRACKS?
- NO, MAYNARD.
- 'CAUSE MY RIFLE WAS DIRTY.
- SWELL. GOOD NIGHT, MAYNARD.
- WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW
HOW I GOT MY RIFLE DIRTY?
- NO, MAYNARD.
- WOULD YOU?
- ALL RIGHT.
- HEY, YOU'RE ALL HEART, GIRL.
- THANK YOU.
- WELL, GOOD NIGHT.
- HEY, HOW DID YOU
GET YOUR RIFLE DIRTY?
- BELIEVE ME, MARCIA,
YOU'RE GONNA REGRET THIS.
- MY RIFLE, I GOT IT DIRTY WHEN
I WAS DIGGING IN THE GROUND.
- GOOD NIGHT, MAYNARD.
- JUST A MINUTE.
DIGGING FOR WHAT?
- WORMS.
- YOU MEAN LIKE FISHING WORMS?
- YEAH.
- MAYNARD, WHERE
WERE YOU GOING FISHING?
THERE'S NO WATER FOR 100 MILES.
- RIGHT. THAT'S WHY I
WASN'T GOING FISHING.
- I WARNED YOU.
- BUT WHAT WERE THE WORMS FOR?
- THE LITTLE BIRDS IN THE
NEST IN THE BARRACKS.
- LET ME SEE IF I CAN
GET THIS STRAIGHT.
- OH, WHAT A DREAMER.
- THERE'S A NEST
OF LITTLE BIRDS,
AND YOU DUG UP WORMS
SO YOU COULD FEED THEM,
RIGHT?
- RIGHT.
- WELL, THAT'S VERY
SWEET, MAYNARD,
BUT THE MOTHER BIRD
ALWAYS FEEDS THE LITTLE ONES.
- OH, I DON'T THINK SO, GIRL.
THEY'RE IN MY FOOTLOCKER.
- MAYNARD, YOU CAN'T KEEP
BIRDS IN YOUR FOOTLOCKER.
- WHY NOT? I TOOK THE CAT OUT.
- ANY FURTHER
QUESTIONS? NO, DOBIE.
- OKAY. GOOD NIGHT, MAYNARD.
- GOOD NIGHT, DOBE.
HEY, I LIKE THIS GIRL.
SHE'S MORE INTELLIGENT
THAN MOST OF YOUR GIRLS.
BUT THEN WHO ISN'T?
- GOOD NIGHT, MAYNARD.
- HEY, HOW DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT
THE TOUGH LUCK WITH YOUR FATHER?
- MAYNARD, GOOD
NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.
WILL YOU GO BACK
TO THE BARRACKS?
- IT'S ALL RIGHT,
MAYNARD. YOU STAY.
I HAVE TO GO BACK
TO THE WAC ANYWAY.
- MUST YOU?
- I'M AFRAID IT'S TIME.
- I'LL WALK YOU BACK.
- THANK YOU, DOBIE.
BUT YOU'D BETTER
HELP YOUR FRIEND.
HE NEEDS IT MORE THAN I DO.
GOOD NIGHT, DOBIE.
- GOOD NIGHT, MARCIA.
WONDERFUL GIRL.
- AND SMART TOO.
HEY, DOBE, HOW DID SHE KNOW
YOUR FATHER WAS MEAN AND ROTTEN?
NO OFFENSE.
- MAYNARD, NO OFFENSE.
- HEY, IS YOUR FATHER COMING TO
THE FATHER AND SON DAY SATURDAY?
- NO.
- NEITHER IS MINE.
I CALLED AND ASKED HIM,
AND YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID?
- WHAT?
- HE CRIED.
HE ALWAYS CRIES
WHEN I TALK TO HIM.
HEY, DOBE, DID YOU EVER SEE A
GROWN MAN CRY? IT'S SPOOKY.
AND SOMETIMES WHEN HE SEES ME,
HE GETS, LIKE,
GOOSEBUMPS ALL OVER.
ONCE HE SWELLED UP SO BIG,
THEY HAD TO CUT
HIM OUT OF HIS PANTS.
SOMETIMES HIS SKIN TWITCHES
LIKE WHEN A HORSE IS TRYING
TO GET RID OF THE FLIES.
AND ONCE MY MOTHER LEFT
US BOTH HOME ALONE TOGETHER,
AND HE CURLED
UP IN A LITTLE BALL
AND WHIMPERED TILL SHE GOT HOME.
MAYNARD ENOUGH, ENOUGH?
- GOOD THINKING.
- YEAH.
HEY, DOBE, HOW COME
YOUR FATHER'S NOT COMING.
- I DIDN'T ASK HIM.
- HOW COME?
- I DIDN'T WANT
MARCIA TO MEET HIM.
- GOOD THINKING.
- NO, MAYNARD, YOU
DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I TOLD MARCIA THAT MY
FATHER WAS MISSING IN ACTION.
- DOBE, HOW COULD
SUCH BIG, BLACK LIES
CROSS THOSE LITTLE WHITE TEETH?
- MAYNARD,
OH, I DON'T KNOW,
MAYNARD. HONEST, I DON'T.
I DON'T MEAN TO LIE, BUT I
JUST GET CARRIED AWAY.
- AND, MAN, DO YOU GET
CARRIED AWAY. LOOK, DOBE,
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU'RE
GONNA GET OUT OF THIS ONE.
BUT ONE THING'S FOR
SURE. YOU'D BETTER NOT BE
AT THAT FATHER AND
SON CELEBRATION.
- I HAVE TO. LT.
MERRIWETHER SAID SO.
- OOH, YOU'RE, LIKE, DOOMED.
- WHY?
I'LL JUST SIT IN THE BACKGROUND
AND BE PERFECTLY QUIET.
- YOU, DOBE? COME
ON, GOOD BUDDY.
THIS IS YOUR OLD FRIEND,
MAYNARD G. KREBS,
YOU'RE TALKING TO. I'VE BEEN
LISTENING TO YOU TELL LIES
ON EVERY OCCASION SINCE
WE'VE BEEN LITTLE TINY BABIES.
WHY, THE FIRST WORD
YOU EVER SAID WAS A LIE.
YOU LOOKED UP AT YOUR
MOTHER AND SAID, DADDY.
- MAYNARD...
- AND IF YOU GO TO THAT FATHER
AND SON DAY CELEBRATION,
YOU'RE NOT GONNA
STAY IN THE BACKGROUND.
YOU'RE GONNA BE RIGHT
UP IN FRONT TAKING BOWS.
AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE QUIET.
YOU'RE GONNA MAKE A SPEECH,
A NICE, BIG, FAT SPEECH
FULL OF NICE, BIG, FAT LIES.
- MAYNARD, I PROMISE
YOU I WON'T MAKE A SPEECH.
- YOU WON'T?
- YOU HAVE MY SOLEMN OATH.
- YOU PROMISE?
- I PROMISE.
- DOBE?
- YEAH?
- YOU'LL MAKE A SPEECH.
- REALLY, ETHEL? THAT'S FUNNY.
I DON'T THINK HERBERT
EVEN KNOWS ABOUT IT.
I JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT.
WELL, THERE'S PROBABLY
SOME SIMPLE EXPLANATION.
WONDERFUL TALKING
TO YOU, ETHEL. BYE.
THAT WAS ETHEL KREBS,
MAYNARD'S MOTHER.
- OOH, THAT POOR WOMAN.
- HERBERT, DID DOBIE CALL YOU
OR WRITE TO YOU IN
THE LAST FEW DAYS?
- NOT THAT I KNOW OF.
- THAT'S STRANGE.
- WHAT'S SO STRANGE ABOUT
IT? YESTERDAY WAS PAY DAY.
WAIT TILL HE RUNS OUT OF
MONEY, SAY, LIKE, TOMORROW.
HE'LL CALL. BOY, WILL HE CALL.
- NO, DEAR, THAT'S
NOT WHAT I MEAN.
ETHEL SAYS THAT MAYNARD
CALLED HIS FATHER A FEW DAYS AGO
AND INVITED HIM UP TO
THE ARMY CAMP SATURDAY.
THEY'RE HAVING A
FATHER AND SON DAY.
AND YOU SAY DOBIE
DIDN'T CALL YOU?
- NO.
- WELL, HE PROBABLY WILL, DEAR.
- WHEN? IT'S 4:30 PM,
FRIDAY AFTERNOON.
HE'S GONNA CALL AT THIS HOUR,
SO I CAN BE UP THERE AT
CAMP TOMORROW MORNING?
- WELL, IT PROBABLY SLIPPED HIS
MIND. YOU KNOW HOW BOYS ARE.
- HE IS NOT A BOY.
HE IS A SOLDIER IN THE
UNITED STATES ARMY,
AND IT DID NOT SLIP HIS MIND.
- ARE YOU SUGGESTING THAT DOBIE
DELIBERATELY FAILED TO INVITE
YOU UP FOR FATHER AND SON DAY?
- SUGGESTING? I AM TELLING YOU
WITHOUT FEAR OF CONTRADICTION.
I DON'T BLAME HIM. WHAT
DOES HE WANT ME AROUND FOR?
- AND WHY, PRAY, NOT?
- BECAUSE I AM A
LOUDMOUTH AND A BLOWHARD,
AND EVERY TIME I GET
AROUND A BUNCH OF G.I.s,
I START TELLING THEM
ABOUT THE GOOD OLD DAYS
WHEN I WAS A FIRST SERGEANT,
WWII, THE BIG ONE, YOU KNOW,
WITH THE GOOD CONDUCT MEDAL.
OH, I DON'T BLAME HIM
FOR BEING ASHAMED OF ME.
- WELL, YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED.
THAT'S WHO OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED
TALKING LIKE THAT ABOUT YOUR SON
WHO LOVES YOU AND IS PROUD
OF YOU AND HOLDS HIS HEAD HIGH
AND TELLS THE ENTIRE WORLD
THAT HIS FATHER IS HERBERT T. GILLIS.
- HE SAYS THAT? DOBIE SAYS THAT?
- HERBERT T. GILLIS, YOU
HAVE A VERY SHORT MEMORY.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER THE
DAY HE LEFT FOR THE ARMY,
STANDING RIGHT HERE
IN THIS VERY STORE,
SAYING OUT LOUD
AND CLEAR, MOM, DAD,
YOU MAY BE DULL,
ORDINARY PEOPLE,
BUT YOU ARE MY PARENTS
WHO GAVE ME BIRTH
AND RAISED ME TO MANHOOD,
AND NO MATTER HOW
HIGH OR HOW FAR I GO,
I WILL NEVER FORGET
MY HUMBLE ORIGINS?
- HE'S ALL HEART, THAT BOY.
- AND SO IS HIS FATHER.
- WELL, HIS MOTHER AIN'T EXACTLY
A WICKED OLD WITCH EITHER.
OH, DEAR.
- YOU'RE A FINE MAN, HERBERT.
- AND YOU'RE A
FINE WOMAN, WINNIE.
- AND WE HAVE A FINE SON.
- WHO'S SO ASHAMED OF HIS FATHER
THAT HE DOESN'T EVEN INVITE
HIM UP FOR FATHER AND SON DAY.
OH, WINI, I KNOW I HAVEN'T BEEN
THE BEST FATHER IN THE WORLD,
AND I'VE MADE MISTAKES.
BUT, GOSH, I LOVE THAT BOY,
AND I DID THE BEST
I COULD FOR HIM.
AND NOW THAT I'M OLD AND
GREY AND CREAKY IN THE JOINTS,
HE'S GONNA THROW ME
OUT LIKE AN OLD BONE.
I ASK YOU, IS THAT FAIR?
- NOW, HERBERT, STOP THAT.
WE JUST AGREED ONE MINUTE
AGO THAT DOBIE'S A FINE BOY
AND THAT HE'S PROUD
TO BE YOUR SON.
- YES, WE DID AGREE
THAT, DIDN'T WE?
- WE CERTAINLY DID.
- THEN WHY DIDN'T HE INVITE ME?
- I BET I KNOW WHY.
- I BET I KNOW WHY.
BECAUSE I'M A LOUDMOUTH FLAPJAW,
AND HE DON'T WANT ME AROUND.
- NO, HERBERT. NO,
HERBERT, THAT IS NOT IT.
THINK, HERBERT.
WHAT DAY IS FATHER
AND SON DAY GOING TO BE?
TOMORROW, SATURDAY,
THE BUSIEST DAY OF ALL THE
WEEK FOR YOU IN THE STORE.
DON'T YOU SEE, HERBERT?
DOBIE KNEW THAT IF HE'D CALLED
YOU UP AND ASKED YOU TO COME UP,
YOU WOULDN'T WANT
TO HURT HIS FEELINGS.
AND SO YOU'D SHUT DOWN THE STORE
ON THE BUSIEST DAY OF
ALL THE WEEK FOR YOU
AND LOSE ALL THAT MONEY
JUST SO YOU COULD BE WITH HIM.
- HEY, I'LL BET
THAT IS WHY, HUH?
- OF COURSE.
- OH, HE'S ALL HEART, THAT BOY.
- HE CERTAINLY IS.
- WELL, I'LL TELL YOU
SOMEBODY ELSE WHO'S ALL HEART
HERBERT T. GILLIS. BECAUSE I
AM GONNA CLOSE THE STORE
NO, I'M GONNA GET REXFORD
SLY TO COME IN AND HELP YOU
AND I AM GOING UP THERE TO CAMP.
AND WHAT'S A FEW PALTRY
DOLLARS? OH, WATCH THAT REXFORD,
OR WE'LL BE SHORT A LOAN,
COMPARED TO SPENDING A DAY
WITH A WONDERFUL KID LIKE DOBIE.
- I'M PROUD OF YOU, HERB.
- WHERE YOU GOING?
- TO CALL DOBIE AND TELL
HIM YOU'RE COMING UP.
- OH, NO, YOU'RE NOT.
- SURPRISE?
- YEAH. I JUST CAN'T
WAIT TO SEE HIS FACE
WHEN I SHOW UP THERE
FOR FATHER AND SON'S DAY.
- OOH, IT'S COLD IN HERE.
- OH, PLEASE, MY
DEAR, BE MY GUEST.
BUSINESS IS A LITTLE SLOW. GOOD.
COME HERE, DOLL.
- OH.
- REALLY, SIR, IT'S
VERY KIND OF YOU,
BUT I SHOULDN'T BE HERE.
- RIDICULOUS, DOBIE.
WHO HAS A BETTER RIGHT?
ISN'T THAT SO, SIR?
- ABSOLUTELY.
GILLIS, NOT ONLY ARE YOU
GOING TO ATTEND THIS LUNCHEON,
BUT YOU'RE GOING TO SIT
AT THE SPEAKER'S TABLE.
- OH, NO.
- LIKE, OH, NO.
- I INSIST.
- HONEST, SIR,
I DON'T DESERVE IT.
- YOU DO, TOO.
- HE DO NOT.
- GILLIS, YOU WILL SIT
AT THE SPEAKER'S TABLE.
THAT'S AN ORDER.
- I WON'T HAVE TO SPEAK, WILL I?
- NOT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO.
- HE DON'T WANT TO.
- I SURE DON'T.
- CAN I SIT UP WITH
HIM, LIEUTENANT?
- OF COURSE NOT, KREBS.
YOU SIT WITH YOUR FATHER.
- HE AIN'T HERE.
- DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO CALL HIM?
- I DID, SIR, PERSONALLY.
- AND?
- AND IF YOU WERE MY FATHER
AND I CALLED YOU PERSONALLY,
WOULD YOU BE HERE?
I, LIKE, REST MY CASE.
I WANT TO SIT WITH
MY GOOD BUDDY, DOBIE.
I MEAN, IN CASE HE GETS CARRIED
AWAY AND WANTS TO MAKE A SPEECH,
I CAN, LIKE, HIT HIM WITH A
JUDO CHOP OR SOMETHING.
- NO, KREBS.
- YOU ASK HIM, DOBE.
- I'D APPRECIATE IT, SIR.
- OF COURSE, GILLIS,
IF IT'S WHAT YOU WANT.
FATHERS, SONS, WILL YOU
TAKE YOUR PLACES, PLEASE?
- DOBE, GOOD BUDDY, YOU'RE NOT
GONNA MAKE A SPEECH, ARE YOU?
- CERTAINLY NOT.
- NO MATTER
HOW THE LIEUTENANT BEGS YOU,
YOU STILL WON'T DO IT, WILL YOU?
- 'COURSE NOT.
- AND THE PEOPLE
START APPLAUDING.
YOU STILL WON'T DO IT?
- ABSOLUTELY NOT.
- AND IF THEY KEEP APPLAUDING,
LIKE, REAL LOUD,
YOU STILL WON'T DO IT?
- POSITIVELY NOT.
- YOU'LL DO IT.
- GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN,
YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.
[CLEARING THROAT] I
AM LT. MERRIWETHER,
LAUNDRY AND MORALE
OFFICER OF A COMPANY.
I WELCOME YOU ALL
TO OUR FIRST ANNUAL
FATHER AND SON DAY FOR
IT HAS BEEN WISELY SAID
A BOY'S BEST
FRIEND IS HIS FATHER.
THEREFORE BOYS AND DAD,
LOOK AT EACH OTHER,
SMILE AT EACH OTHER,
REJOICE IN YOUR HEARTS
THAT YOU HAVE EACH OTHER.
AND PERHAPS YOU CAN
ALSO FIND IT IN YOUR HEARTS
TO SPARE A LITTLE PITY
FOR THOSE WHO ARE
NOT SO FORTUNATE.
- UH-OH. HERE IT COMES.
- DON'T WORRY, MAYNARD.
- DOBE, YOU'RE NOT GONNA
MAKE A SPEECH, ARE YOU?
- 'COURSE NOT.
- YOU WILL.
- SEATED HERE AT THIS TABLE
IS A SOLDIER WHOSE FATHER
IS UNABLE TO BE HERE TODAY.
THAT BOY'S FATHER IS UNABLE
TO BE HERE, GENTLEMEN,
BECAUSE HE GAVE HIS LAST
FULL MEASURE OF DEVOTION
SO THAT THIS NATION
COULD LONG ENDURE.
IT GRIEVES ME TO
TELL YOU, GENTLEMEN,
THAT THAT BOY'S FATHER
IS MISSING IN ACTION.
- COME ON, DOBE, LET'S CUT OUT.
LET'S BLOW THIS PLACE.
- SHH.
- THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE
GONNA DO, MAKE A SPEECH.
- BUT I AM SURE, GENTLEMEN,
THAT IF THAT BOY'S FATHER,
THAT MISSING HERO,
WERE HERE TODAY,
HE'D BE JUST A PROUD OF
HIS SON AS ALL OF US ARE.
GENTLEMEN, I TAKE GREAT PLEASURE
IN PRESENTING PVT. DOBIE GILLIS.
PVT. GILLIS, WOULD YOU STAND UP?
THANK YOU, GILLIS.
- THAT'S OKAY, LIEUTENANT.
- IT'S GOOD TO HAVE A
MAN LIKE YOU IN MY OUTFIT.
- YOU'RE ACES IN MY
BOOK, LIEUTENANT.
- NOW, GILLIS, DO YOU THINK
YOU COULD BRING YOURSELF
TO TELL US A LITTLE
ABOUT YOUR FATHER?
- WELL...
- NO, NO, SIR. HE CAN'T TALK
ABOUT IT. IT'S TOO
PAINFUL. IT HURTS HIM.
HE GETS FAINTING
SPELLS. DON'T ASK HIM.
- ARE YOU SURE?
- OH, YES, SIR. HE'S SURE.
- YOU KNOW, GILLIS,
SOMETIMES IT HELPS
WHEN WE TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS
INSTEAD OF KEEPING
THEM BOTTLED UP INSIDE.
- OH, NOT WITH
HIM, SIR. NO, SIR.
EVERY TIME I MENTION
HIS FATHER'S NAME,
HE JUST, LIKE, TOPPLES
OVER IN A COMMA.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S COMA.
- YEAH, AND THAT'S WHAT
HE TOPPLES OVER INTO, SIR.
- IT'S ALL RIGHT,
GILLIS. I UNDERSTAND.
NOW GENTLEMEN, IF YOU WILL,
ANOTHER ROUND OF
APPLAUSE FOR PVT. GILLIS,
AND THEN WE WILL
ALL RAISE OUR VOICES
IN A MEDLEY OF PATRIOTIC AIRS.
- WELL, MAYBE I
COULD BRING MYSELF
TO TELL JUST A LITTLE.
- SPLENDID, GILLIS, SPLENDID.
- UH-HUH.
- IF IT GETS TOO
PAINFUL, GILLIS,
DON'T FEEL YOU HAVE TO GO ON.
- YES.
GENTLEMEN, I'M HERE
UNDER FALSE COLORS.
I'M NOT THE SON OF A GREAT
HERO WHO'S MISSING IN ACTION.
- YAY, DOBIE. YAY, GOOD
BUDDY. AND, LIKE, THANK YOU.
- I'M THE SON OF A
PLAIN, ORDINARY MAN
WHO'S MISSING IN ACTION,
FOR MY FATHER,
HERBERT T. GILLIS,
IS A PLAIN, ORDINARY MAN.
AND THE STORY OF
HERBERT T. GILLIS
IS A PLAIN, ORDINARY STORY
OF A PLAIN, ORDINARY
MAN SERVING HIS COUNTRY,
A PLAIN, ORDINARY MAN WHO JUST
HAPPENED TO BE A MILITARY GENIUS
WITH THE COURAGE OF A
TIGER AND THE HEART OF A LION.
WHERE DOES THE STORY
OF HERBERT T. GILLIS BEGIN?
A TYPICAL AMERICAN CHILDHOOD,
A TYPICAL AMERICAN BOYHOOD,
AND THEN PEARL HARBOR,
THE CALL TO ARMS,
THE TRAINING CAMP,
THE PACIFIC THEATER,
THE SOLOMONS, NEW
GUINEA, IWO JIMA, TAROA,
AND THEN HIS LUCK RAN
OUT. HE WAS CAPTURED.
AND IN THAT JAPANESE
PRISON STOCKADE,
THIS GREAT FIGHTING MAN
ATTAINED HIS FINEST HOUR.
- BROOKLYN, HOW WOULD
YOU LIKE TO BE BACK HOME
EATING MOM'S APPLE PIE
AND BOOING THE DODGERS?
- OH, YOU KIDDING?
LIKE, WHO WOULDN'T?
- OH, YOU STICK WITH ME, BUDDY.
I'M GONNA GET US
BACK INTO THIS WAR.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ESCAPE
FROM THIS PRISON CAMP?
- THAT'S JUST WHAT I MEAN.
- WHY, YOU GOTTA BE
OUT OF YOUR SKULL, BABY.
THEY GOT GUYS
ALL OVER THE PLACE.
- YOU FORGET. I KNOW JUDO.
- HEY, HE DON'T?
- WHAT'S THAT?
- A BIG, BLACK BELT.
- THAT'S RIGHT. A
BIG, BLACK BELT,
AND A BLACK BELT IS THE
HIGHEST YOU CAN GO IN JUDO.
I KNOW TRICKS THAT
AIN'T BEEN INVENTED YET.
I KNOW NERVE CENTERS THAT
ARE UNKNOWN TO MEDICAL SCIENCE.
- HERB, LIKE WHAT?
- LIKE THIS.
- HOW'D YOU DO THAT?
- AMERICAN KNOW-HOW.
COME ON. LET'S GET
OUT OF THIS WRECK.
HEY, BUDDY, YOU GOT A MATCH?
- YANK, YOU DIE!
- COME ON. WE'RE
WALKING OUT OF HERE.
- HEY, HERB, I'M SCARED.
- I'M SCARED, TOO.
BUT IF WE'RE EVER GONNA
EAT TAFFY APPLES AT THE U.S.O.
WITH THE ANDREWS SISTERS
AND FRANCES LANGFORD,
FIRST WE GOT THE BLUE BIRDS BACK
OVER THE WHITE CLIFFS OF DOVER.
- PROUD AND TALL, DAD
MARCHED OUT OF THAT CAMP,
FOLLOWED BY HIS
FAITHFUL BUDDY, BROOKLYN.
BUT THEIR TROUBLES WEREN'T
OVER YET, NOT BY A LONG SHOT.
- SHH. ARE YOU LOOKING FOR
SOMEBODY, SIR? WHO ARE YOU?
- I DON'T KNOW. LET'S
WAIT AND FIND OUT, HUH?
- BUT THERE WAS STILL AN
OBSTACLE TO OVERCOME
BEFORE DAD COULD FIND FREEDOM,
A GREAT BIG OBSTACLE.
I DON'T SUPPOSE ANY OF
YOU HERE HAVE EVER HEARD
OF THE BRIDGE
OVER THE RIVER KWAI.
- YOU MEAN TO SAY
WE'RE GONNA BLOW UP
THIS BRIDGE OVER THE RIVER KWAI?
- THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.
WHAT DO YOU THINK
I STOLE ALL THE WIRE
AND THE DYNAMITE
AND THIS EXPLODER
RIGHT FROM UNDER THE NOSE OF
THE JAPANESE HIGH COMMAND FOR?
- BUT, HERB, TO BLOW
UP A BRIDGE THIS SIZE,
YOU NEED MAYBE, LIKE,
50,000 VOLTS OF ELECTRICITY.
- THIS LOOK LIKE YOUR
MOTHER-IN-LAW'S MUSTACHE?
COME ON. LET'S GET
THIS THING SET UP.
THIS SHOULD ABOUT DO IT. OKAY.
I'LL GO BACK AND
CONNECT THE WIRES.
YOU STAY HERE AND
HANDLE THE PLUNGER.
AND DON'T GET THIS
THING ANY CLOSER,
OR WE'LL GO UP WITH THE BRIDGE.
- I GOT YOU.
- IT'S A LITTLE SHORT. BROOKLYN,
THE WIRE WON'T REACH.
YOU STAY THERE
WITH THE EXPLODER.
I'LL HOLD THIS WIRE IN ONE HAND
AND THE WIRE TO THE
BRIDGE IN THE OTHER.
- HERB, I CAN'T DO THAT.
THAT'S GONNA MEAN 50,000 VOLTS
IS GONNA GO RIGHT
THROUGH YOUR BODY.
- THAT'S SHOWBIZ.
- HERB, I CAN'T DO
THAT. I JUST CAN'T.
- BUT, BROOKLYN, YOU GOTTA.
FOR MOM'S APPLE PIE,
FOR THE RIGHT TO
BOO THE DODGERS,
FOR THE NEW WORLD WHERE ALL
MEN WILL LIVE IN PEACE AND HARMONY,
AND THE FIELDS WILL BE
BRIGHT WITH FLOWERS,
AND THE AIR WILL RESOUND
WITH THE SONG OF BIRDS.
- HERB, YOU'RE A
GRAND HUMANITARIAN
AND A HECK OF A GOOD SPORT.
- LET'S JUST SAY I AM A
PLAIN, ORDINARY AMERICAN.
PUSH THE PLUNGER.
- GOOD-BYE, HERBERT T. GILLIS,
PLAIN, ORDINARY AMERICAN.
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
[EXPLOSION]
- AND THAT, GENTLEMEN,
IS WHY MY FATHER,
HERBERT T. GILLIS, A
PLAIN, ORDINARY MAN
IS MISSING IN ACTION.
- GOOD BUDDY, GOOD
BUDDY, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE
WHILE WE STILL CAN.
- MAYNARD, I CAN'T LEAVE.
THEY'LL BE ASKING
FOR AUTOGRAPHS LATER.
- WELL, DOBE, I'LL VISIT YOU AT
THE GUARDHOUSE AS OFTEN I CAN.
LIKE, HI, MR. G., I THOUGHT
YOU WERE MISSING IN ACTION.
- MAYNARD.
- OH, DON'T BLOW THE WHISTLE
ON DOBIE, SIR, LIKE, PLEASE?
HE'LL GET 30 YEARS
IN THE GUARDHOUSE,
30 YEARS ON MOLDY, OLD BREAD
AND WATER WITH
LITTLE GREEN BUGS IN IT.
LIKE, PLEASE, MR. G...
- RELAX, MAYNARD.
WHAT I WANT TO
KNOW IS HOW DID DOBIE
EVER GET HIMSELF MIXED
UP IN THIS WILD STORY?
AND, OH, WHAT A STUPID
QUESTION. WHO'S THE GIRL?
- YOU SEE?
- I SEE.
- YOU WOULDN'T SQUEAL ON
DOBIE, WOULD YOU, MR. G.?
- MAYNARD, YOU ARE FORGETTING
I WAS A FIRST SERGEANT IN WWII
AND HAPPEN TO
KNOW A THING OR TWO
ABOUT THE FINE POINTS
OF BULL-SLINGING MYSELF.
BUT THIS TIME I'M AFRAID THE
KID'S OUTDONE HIS OLD MAN.
- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, MR. G.?
- WATCH.
DOBIE, DOBIE, MY SON,
IT'S ME, YOUR FATHER!
THEY FOUND ME! I'M HERE!
- I'M NOT.
- OH, I'M ALIVE. I'M ALIVE.
I'M AT HOME AT LAST.
- YOU YOU YOU WOULD HMM.
- MY SON. MY SON.
- MY DAD. MY DAD.
- CAN IT BE TRUE? IS
IT REALLY HAPPENING?
- YEAH, I THINK IT'S
REALLY HAPPENING.
- AFTER ALL THESE YEARS,
YOU FOUND EACH OTHER
AT MY FATHER AND SON DAY?
- YES, SIR, LIEUTENANT.
- OH, FOR JOY.
- JOY.
- FOR SURE.
- I KNOW YOU MUST BE TIRED AFTER
YOUR LONG AND PERILOUS JOURNEY.
BUT WOULD YOU BE GOOD ENOUGH
TO TELL US A LITTLE ABOUT IT?
- WITH PLEASURE, SIR.
AFTER I BLEW UP THE
BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI,
I WAS WASHED ASHORE.
PLUNGING BACK INTO THE STREAM,
I SWAM FOR OVER AN HOUR...
- AW, COME ON,
MAYNARD, HAVE A HEART.
- MY FINGERS ARE KILLING ME.
- NO N-O, NEGATIVE.
I SAID 1,000 TIMES. THAT'S
WHAT I MEANT, 1,000 TIMES.
NOW, GO LIKE YOU PROMISED.
Both: HONESTY IS
THE BEST POLICY.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
LT. MERRIWETHER SENT FOR...
HELLO.
- YOU WERE SAYING?
- WHATEVER IT WAS
I'VE FORGOTTEN,
FOR THE SIGHT OF YOU, MY DEAR,
DRIVES EVERYTHING BEFORE IT
LIKE LEAVES BEFORE AN AUTUMN WIND.
- WHAT ARE YOU,
SOME KIND OF A NUT?
- THAT'S IT, A NUT,
FOR ONE LOOK AT YOU,
AND ALL SANITY IS GONE.
COMMAND ME. I AM YOURS.
- SOLDIER, I'LL
GIVE YOU A CHOICE.
SHAPE UP AND STATE YOUR
BUSINESS, OR I CALL THE MPs.
- OH, I LIKE THAT YOU'RE ANGRY.
THERE'S FIRE IN YOUR EYES.
- LOOK, I MEAN IT. THIS
IS THE ARMY, PRIVATE,
NOT A TUNNEL OF LOVE. NOW,
WHAT DO YOU WANT HERE?
- WHAT I WANT IS A KIND
WORD FROM YOU, MY PRETTY.
- SOLDIER.
- OKAY. OKAY. OKAY.
PVT. GILLIS REPORTING AS
ORDERED BY LT. MERRIWETHER.
JUST A MINUTE. JUST A MINUTE.
- NOW WHAT?
- I DON'T GET IT.
LOOK AT YOU SO YOUNG,
SO FAIR, SO BEAUTIFUL.
HOW CAN YOU BE SO G.I.?
- I'M A SOLDIER.
HADN'T YOU NOTICED?
- A SOLDIER, YES,
BUT FIRST A WOMAN.
- NO, BUDDY, A WOMAN,
YES, BUT FIRST A SOLDIER.
FIRST, LAST, AND
ALWAYS A SOLDIER.
MY FATHER WAS A SOLDIER.
HIS FATHER WAS A SOLDIER.
HIS FATHER WAS A SOLDIER.
HIS FATHER WAS A SOLDIER.
AND HIS FATHER WAS A SOLDIER.
- HIS FATHER WAS
A SOLDIER. YEAH.
- AND IF I HADN'T HAVE HAD
THE ROTTEN LUCK
TO BE BORN A GIRL,
I'D BE IN WEST POINT TODAY
INSTEAD OF MAKING SMALL TALK
WITH A PUNY, PASTY-FACED
CIVILIAN LIKE YOU.
- OH, NOW, JUST A MINUTE.
JUST A DARN MINUTE.
IT SO HAPPENS
I'M NOT A CIVILIAN.
- OH, YES, YOU ARE.
THAT UNIFORM DOESN'T
MAKE YOU A SOLDIER.
WHAT MAKES A SOLDIER
IS MILITARY TRADITION,
BACKGROUND, FAMILY,
SOLDIER'S BLOOD
FLOWING IN YOUR VEINS
GENERATION AFTER GENERATION.
- WELL, FOR YOUR
INFORMATION, MISS,
MY FATHER WAS IN
THE BIG ONE, WWII,
WITH A VERY
DISTINGUISHED RECORD.
- REALLY?
- REALLY.
- DID HE WIN ANY MEDALS?
- LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY,
IF HE HAD A CHEST AS
WIDE AS YOUR DESK,
WHICH INCIDENTALLY IT ALMOST IS,
THERE WOULDN'T BE ROOM
TO HANG ALL THE MEDALS.
- GEE, THIS IS WONDERFUL
BECAUSE I'LL GET TO
MEET HIM NEXT SATURDAY.
- AND IF HE HAD A CHEST AS
WIDE AS THIS WHOLE BUILDING
YOU'RE GONNA MEET MY
FATHER NEXT SATURDAY?
- WELL, SURE. HAVEN'T YOU HEARD?
NEXT SATURDAY'S FATHER
AND SON DAY HERE AT THE CAMP.
ALL THE FATHERS ARE
COMING UP TO VISIT.
- HMM.
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
[SCATTING] ♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
THAT WAS A BIG LIE I
TOLD THAT PRETTY WAC
ABOUT MY FATHER BEING A WAR
HERO AND WINNING ALL THOSE MEDALS.
THAT WAS A PLAIN, DOWNRIGHT LIE.
BUT I ASK YOU TO
BELIEVE SOMETHING.
I'M NOT A LIAR. I'M
AN HONEST MAN.
IT'S ONLY THAT I GET
CARRIED AWAY SOMETIMES,
LIKE WHEN I SEE A PRETTY GIRL.
THEN SOMEHOW I START LYING,
AND ONE LIE LEADS TO ANOTHER
AND THEN ANOTHER
AND THEN ANOTHER.
AND, BOY, I SURE TELL A LOT
OF LIES FOR AN HONEST MAN.
- GILLIS, I'VE GOT
A JOB FOR YOU.
I GUESS YOU KNOW NEXT SATURDAY
IS FATHER AND SON DAY.
- YEAH, SO I HEAR.
- I WANT YOU TO GO
TO YOUR COMPANY
AND TELL THEM I WANT
A 100 PERCENT TURNOUT,
EVERY FATHER IN THE OUTFIT
PRESENT AND ACCOUNTED FOR.
AND THAT MEANS
YOURSELF, TOO, OF COURSE.
- MINE, SIR? YOU WANT
MY FATHER HERE?
- WHAT A DAY I'VE PLANNED,
LUNCHEON, SOFTBALL
GAME, THREE-LEGGED RACE,
AND THEN A BIG COMMUNITY SING.
- UH-HUH. YEAH, BUT, SIR...
- GET CRACKING, GILLIS,
AND BE SURE EVERYBODY
HAS HIS FATHER HERE.
DISMISSED.
- YES, SIR.
SIR, MY FATHER CAN'T MAKE IT.
- AND WHY, PRAY TELL,
SHOULD YOUR FATHER
BE AMONG THE MISSING?
- THAT'S IT, SIR.
THAT'S IT. HE'S MISSING.
- OH, YOU POOR THING.
- WHAT ARE YOU
SAYING, PVT. TURNER?
- SIR, HIS FATHER WAS
IN THE BIG ONE, WWII.
I GUESS HE WON JUST ABOUT
EVERY DECORATION THERE WAS,
DIDN'T HE, PVT. GILLIS?
- WELL, NOT EVERY ONE.
- YOU MEAN HE'S
MISSING IN ACTION?
- I'M AFRAID SO, SIR.
- GILLIS, SON,
I'M NOT THE KIND OF
MAN TO TAKE EXCUSES.
BUT IN THIS CASE, I'M
GONNA MAKE AN EXCEPTION,
IF HE'S MISSING IN ACTION.
- BUT, SIR, MY FATHER ISN'T...
- DEAD? OF COURSE
HE ISN'T, GILLIS.
YOU JUST HANG ON TO THAT IDEA.
SOMEWHERE, SOMEHOW,
YOUR FATHER'S TRYING
TO GET BACK TO YOU.
- YEAH. BUT, SIR...
- WHERE THERE'S LIFE,
THERE'S HOPE,
GILLIS. AND, GILLIS,
I WANT YOU TO BE THERE
ON FATHER AND SON DAY,
EVEN IF YOUR FATHER CAN'T.
- ALL RIGHT. SO I
TOLD A ROTTEN LIE.
I MEAN, IT WAS UNFORGIVABLE,
TELLING MARCIA MY POOR
FATHER WAS MISSING IN ACTION
WHEN ALL THE TIME HE WAS
PEACEFULLY, QUIETLY TAKING CARE
OF HIS PEACEFUL,
QUIET GROCERY STORE.
- NOT TOMORROW.
I WANT THIS CASH
REGISTER FIXED TODAY.
WHAT KIND OF SERVICE
IS THIS ANYWAY?
I KNOW IT'S 25 YEARS OLD,
BUT WHY ISN'T IT WORKING?
I'M 45. I'M STILL WORKING.
NOW, I WANT IT FIXED TODAY NOW.
- MY POOR, QUIET,
PEACEFUL FATHER,
AND I HAD TO GO TELL A
ROTTEN LIE ABOUT HIM.
WHY? BECAUSE I'M A ROTTEN LIAR.
YOU WANT ANOTHER
REASON? I'LL SHOW YOU.
- POOR BABY. POOR DARLING.
- YEAH, NOW THE OTHER SIDE.
- 'COURSE, MY DEAR.
- YES. MM.
- DOBIE, WOULDN'T IT HELP
TO TALK ABOUT IT,
ABOUT YOUR POOR
FATHER MISSING IN ACTION?
- MARCIA, I'VE ASKED
YOU NOT TO MENTION IT.
IT'S JUST TOO, TOO PAINFUL.
- 'COURSE, DOBIE. FORGIVE ME.
- MM-HMM. NOW BOTH AT ONCE.
- YES, DEAR.
- YES. MM.
- LIKE, HI, DOBE.
LIKE, HI, GIRL.
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
DOBE? DON'T YOU FEEL WELL?
- OH, HI, MAYNARD.
MARCIA, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY
GOOD FRIEND, MAYNARD G. KREBS.
PVT. KREBS, PVT. TURNER.
- LIKE, HI. HEY, DOBE, YOU HEAR
FROM YOUR FATHER LATELY?
- AND YOU CALL YOURSELF
A FRIEND OF DOBIE'S?
HOW CAN YOU BE SO UNFEELING,
SPEAKING ABOUT A
GRUESOME THING LIKE THAT?
- LIKE DOBIE'S FATHER?
- YES.
- GRUESOME?
- WELL, WHAT WOULD YOU CALL IT?
- GRUESOME.
- DON'T YOU THINK
AN APOLOGY'S IN ORDER?
- YOU'RE, LIKE, RIGHT, GIRL.
DOBE, I'M SORRY
ABOUT YOUR FATHER.
- THANKS, MAYNARD. THANKS.
HAVEN'T YOU GOT
SOME PLACE TO GO?
- LIKE WHERE?
- WELL,
WHY DON'T YOU GO PLAY
ON THE RIFLE RANGE?
- WELL, I CAN'T. I'M
CONFINED TO BARRACKS.
- MAYNARD, IF YOU'RE
CONFINED TO BARRACKS,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?
- OH, YEAH. GOOD THINKING.
- YEAH. GOOD NIGHT.
- HEY, DOBE, YOU KNOW HOW
COME I'M CONFINED TO BARRACKS?
- NO, MAYNARD.
- 'CAUSE MY RIFLE WAS DIRTY.
- SWELL. GOOD NIGHT, MAYNARD.
- WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW
HOW I GOT MY RIFLE DIRTY?
- NO, MAYNARD.
- WOULD YOU?
- ALL RIGHT.
- HEY, YOU'RE ALL HEART, GIRL.
- THANK YOU.
- WELL, GOOD NIGHT.
- HEY, HOW DID YOU
GET YOUR RIFLE DIRTY?
- BELIEVE ME, MARCIA,
YOU'RE GONNA REGRET THIS.
- MY RIFLE, I GOT IT DIRTY WHEN
I WAS DIGGING IN THE GROUND.
- GOOD NIGHT, MAYNARD.
- JUST A MINUTE.
DIGGING FOR WHAT?
- WORMS.
- YOU MEAN LIKE FISHING WORMS?
- YEAH.
- MAYNARD, WHERE
WERE YOU GOING FISHING?
THERE'S NO WATER FOR 100 MILES.
- RIGHT. THAT'S WHY I
WASN'T GOING FISHING.
- I WARNED YOU.
- BUT WHAT WERE THE WORMS FOR?
- THE LITTLE BIRDS IN THE
NEST IN THE BARRACKS.
- LET ME SEE IF I CAN
GET THIS STRAIGHT.
- OH, WHAT A DREAMER.
- THERE'S A NEST
OF LITTLE BIRDS,
AND YOU DUG UP WORMS
SO YOU COULD FEED THEM,
RIGHT?
- RIGHT.
- WELL, THAT'S VERY
SWEET, MAYNARD,
BUT THE MOTHER BIRD
ALWAYS FEEDS THE LITTLE ONES.
- OH, I DON'T THINK SO, GIRL.
THEY'RE IN MY FOOTLOCKER.
- MAYNARD, YOU CAN'T KEEP
BIRDS IN YOUR FOOTLOCKER.
- WHY NOT? I TOOK THE CAT OUT.
- ANY FURTHER
QUESTIONS? NO, DOBIE.
- OKAY. GOOD NIGHT, MAYNARD.
- GOOD NIGHT, DOBE.
HEY, I LIKE THIS GIRL.
SHE'S MORE INTELLIGENT
THAN MOST OF YOUR GIRLS.
BUT THEN WHO ISN'T?
- GOOD NIGHT, MAYNARD.
- HEY, HOW DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT
THE TOUGH LUCK WITH YOUR FATHER?
- MAYNARD, GOOD
NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.
WILL YOU GO BACK
TO THE BARRACKS?
- IT'S ALL RIGHT,
MAYNARD. YOU STAY.
I HAVE TO GO BACK
TO THE WAC ANYWAY.
- MUST YOU?
- I'M AFRAID IT'S TIME.
- I'LL WALK YOU BACK.
- THANK YOU, DOBIE.
BUT YOU'D BETTER
HELP YOUR FRIEND.
HE NEEDS IT MORE THAN I DO.
GOOD NIGHT, DOBIE.
- GOOD NIGHT, MARCIA.
WONDERFUL GIRL.
- AND SMART TOO.
HEY, DOBE, HOW DID SHE KNOW
YOUR FATHER WAS MEAN AND ROTTEN?
NO OFFENSE.
- MAYNARD, NO OFFENSE.
- HEY, IS YOUR FATHER COMING TO
THE FATHER AND SON DAY SATURDAY?
- NO.
- NEITHER IS MINE.
I CALLED AND ASKED HIM,
AND YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID?
- WHAT?
- HE CRIED.
HE ALWAYS CRIES
WHEN I TALK TO HIM.
HEY, DOBE, DID YOU EVER SEE A
GROWN MAN CRY? IT'S SPOOKY.
AND SOMETIMES WHEN HE SEES ME,
HE GETS, LIKE,
GOOSEBUMPS ALL OVER.
ONCE HE SWELLED UP SO BIG,
THEY HAD TO CUT
HIM OUT OF HIS PANTS.
SOMETIMES HIS SKIN TWITCHES
LIKE WHEN A HORSE IS TRYING
TO GET RID OF THE FLIES.
AND ONCE MY MOTHER LEFT
US BOTH HOME ALONE TOGETHER,
AND HE CURLED
UP IN A LITTLE BALL
AND WHIMPERED TILL SHE GOT HOME.
MAYNARD ENOUGH, ENOUGH?
- GOOD THINKING.
- YEAH.
HEY, DOBE, HOW COME
YOUR FATHER'S NOT COMING.
- I DIDN'T ASK HIM.
- HOW COME?
- I DIDN'T WANT
MARCIA TO MEET HIM.
- GOOD THINKING.
- NO, MAYNARD, YOU
DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I TOLD MARCIA THAT MY
FATHER WAS MISSING IN ACTION.
- DOBE, HOW COULD
SUCH BIG, BLACK LIES
CROSS THOSE LITTLE WHITE TEETH?
- MAYNARD,
OH, I DON'T KNOW,
MAYNARD. HONEST, I DON'T.
I DON'T MEAN TO LIE, BUT I
JUST GET CARRIED AWAY.
- AND, MAN, DO YOU GET
CARRIED AWAY. LOOK, DOBE,
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU'RE
GONNA GET OUT OF THIS ONE.
BUT ONE THING'S FOR
SURE. YOU'D BETTER NOT BE
AT THAT FATHER AND
SON CELEBRATION.
- I HAVE TO. LT.
MERRIWETHER SAID SO.
- OOH, YOU'RE, LIKE, DOOMED.
- WHY?
I'LL JUST SIT IN THE BACKGROUND
AND BE PERFECTLY QUIET.
- YOU, DOBE? COME
ON, GOOD BUDDY.
THIS IS YOUR OLD FRIEND,
MAYNARD G. KREBS,
YOU'RE TALKING TO. I'VE BEEN
LISTENING TO YOU TELL LIES
ON EVERY OCCASION SINCE
WE'VE BEEN LITTLE TINY BABIES.
WHY, THE FIRST WORD
YOU EVER SAID WAS A LIE.
YOU LOOKED UP AT YOUR
MOTHER AND SAID, DADDY.
- MAYNARD...
- AND IF YOU GO TO THAT FATHER
AND SON DAY CELEBRATION,
YOU'RE NOT GONNA
STAY IN THE BACKGROUND.
YOU'RE GONNA BE RIGHT
UP IN FRONT TAKING BOWS.
AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE QUIET.
YOU'RE GONNA MAKE A SPEECH,
A NICE, BIG, FAT SPEECH
FULL OF NICE, BIG, FAT LIES.
- MAYNARD, I PROMISE
YOU I WON'T MAKE A SPEECH.
- YOU WON'T?
- YOU HAVE MY SOLEMN OATH.
- YOU PROMISE?
- I PROMISE.
- DOBE?
- YEAH?
- YOU'LL MAKE A SPEECH.
- REALLY, ETHEL? THAT'S FUNNY.
I DON'T THINK HERBERT
EVEN KNOWS ABOUT IT.
I JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT.
WELL, THERE'S PROBABLY
SOME SIMPLE EXPLANATION.
WONDERFUL TALKING
TO YOU, ETHEL. BYE.
THAT WAS ETHEL KREBS,
MAYNARD'S MOTHER.
- OOH, THAT POOR WOMAN.
- HERBERT, DID DOBIE CALL YOU
OR WRITE TO YOU IN
THE LAST FEW DAYS?
- NOT THAT I KNOW OF.
- THAT'S STRANGE.
- WHAT'S SO STRANGE ABOUT
IT? YESTERDAY WAS PAY DAY.
WAIT TILL HE RUNS OUT OF
MONEY, SAY, LIKE, TOMORROW.
HE'LL CALL. BOY, WILL HE CALL.
- NO, DEAR, THAT'S
NOT WHAT I MEAN.
ETHEL SAYS THAT MAYNARD
CALLED HIS FATHER A FEW DAYS AGO
AND INVITED HIM UP TO
THE ARMY CAMP SATURDAY.
THEY'RE HAVING A
FATHER AND SON DAY.
AND YOU SAY DOBIE
DIDN'T CALL YOU?
- NO.
- WELL, HE PROBABLY WILL, DEAR.
- WHEN? IT'S 4:30 PM,
FRIDAY AFTERNOON.
HE'S GONNA CALL AT THIS HOUR,
SO I CAN BE UP THERE AT
CAMP TOMORROW MORNING?
- WELL, IT PROBABLY SLIPPED HIS
MIND. YOU KNOW HOW BOYS ARE.
- HE IS NOT A BOY.
HE IS A SOLDIER IN THE
UNITED STATES ARMY,
AND IT DID NOT SLIP HIS MIND.
- ARE YOU SUGGESTING THAT DOBIE
DELIBERATELY FAILED TO INVITE
YOU UP FOR FATHER AND SON DAY?
- SUGGESTING? I AM TELLING YOU
WITHOUT FEAR OF CONTRADICTION.
I DON'T BLAME HIM. WHAT
DOES HE WANT ME AROUND FOR?
- AND WHY, PRAY, NOT?
- BECAUSE I AM A
LOUDMOUTH AND A BLOWHARD,
AND EVERY TIME I GET
AROUND A BUNCH OF G.I.s,
I START TELLING THEM
ABOUT THE GOOD OLD DAYS
WHEN I WAS A FIRST SERGEANT,
WWII, THE BIG ONE, YOU KNOW,
WITH THE GOOD CONDUCT MEDAL.
OH, I DON'T BLAME HIM
FOR BEING ASHAMED OF ME.
- WELL, YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED.
THAT'S WHO OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED
TALKING LIKE THAT ABOUT YOUR SON
WHO LOVES YOU AND IS PROUD
OF YOU AND HOLDS HIS HEAD HIGH
AND TELLS THE ENTIRE WORLD
THAT HIS FATHER IS HERBERT T. GILLIS.
- HE SAYS THAT? DOBIE SAYS THAT?
- HERBERT T. GILLIS, YOU
HAVE A VERY SHORT MEMORY.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER THE
DAY HE LEFT FOR THE ARMY,
STANDING RIGHT HERE
IN THIS VERY STORE,
SAYING OUT LOUD
AND CLEAR, MOM, DAD,
YOU MAY BE DULL,
ORDINARY PEOPLE,
BUT YOU ARE MY PARENTS
WHO GAVE ME BIRTH
AND RAISED ME TO MANHOOD,
AND NO MATTER HOW
HIGH OR HOW FAR I GO,
I WILL NEVER FORGET
MY HUMBLE ORIGINS?
- HE'S ALL HEART, THAT BOY.
- AND SO IS HIS FATHER.
- WELL, HIS MOTHER AIN'T EXACTLY
A WICKED OLD WITCH EITHER.
OH, DEAR.
- YOU'RE A FINE MAN, HERBERT.
- AND YOU'RE A
FINE WOMAN, WINNIE.
- AND WE HAVE A FINE SON.
- WHO'S SO ASHAMED OF HIS FATHER
THAT HE DOESN'T EVEN INVITE
HIM UP FOR FATHER AND SON DAY.
OH, WINI, I KNOW I HAVEN'T BEEN
THE BEST FATHER IN THE WORLD,
AND I'VE MADE MISTAKES.
BUT, GOSH, I LOVE THAT BOY,
AND I DID THE BEST
I COULD FOR HIM.
AND NOW THAT I'M OLD AND
GREY AND CREAKY IN THE JOINTS,
HE'S GONNA THROW ME
OUT LIKE AN OLD BONE.
I ASK YOU, IS THAT FAIR?
- NOW, HERBERT, STOP THAT.
WE JUST AGREED ONE MINUTE
AGO THAT DOBIE'S A FINE BOY
AND THAT HE'S PROUD
TO BE YOUR SON.
- YES, WE DID AGREE
THAT, DIDN'T WE?
- WE CERTAINLY DID.
- THEN WHY DIDN'T HE INVITE ME?
- I BET I KNOW WHY.
- I BET I KNOW WHY.
BECAUSE I'M A LOUDMOUTH FLAPJAW,
AND HE DON'T WANT ME AROUND.
- NO, HERBERT. NO,
HERBERT, THAT IS NOT IT.
THINK, HERBERT.
WHAT DAY IS FATHER
AND SON DAY GOING TO BE?
TOMORROW, SATURDAY,
THE BUSIEST DAY OF ALL THE
WEEK FOR YOU IN THE STORE.
DON'T YOU SEE, HERBERT?
DOBIE KNEW THAT IF HE'D CALLED
YOU UP AND ASKED YOU TO COME UP,
YOU WOULDN'T WANT
TO HURT HIS FEELINGS.
AND SO YOU'D SHUT DOWN THE STORE
ON THE BUSIEST DAY OF
ALL THE WEEK FOR YOU
AND LOSE ALL THAT MONEY
JUST SO YOU COULD BE WITH HIM.
- HEY, I'LL BET
THAT IS WHY, HUH?
- OF COURSE.
- OH, HE'S ALL HEART, THAT BOY.
- HE CERTAINLY IS.
- WELL, I'LL TELL YOU
SOMEBODY ELSE WHO'S ALL HEART
HERBERT T. GILLIS. BECAUSE I
AM GONNA CLOSE THE STORE
NO, I'M GONNA GET REXFORD
SLY TO COME IN AND HELP YOU
AND I AM GOING UP THERE TO CAMP.
AND WHAT'S A FEW PALTRY
DOLLARS? OH, WATCH THAT REXFORD,
OR WE'LL BE SHORT A LOAN,
COMPARED TO SPENDING A DAY
WITH A WONDERFUL KID LIKE DOBIE.
- I'M PROUD OF YOU, HERB.
- WHERE YOU GOING?
- TO CALL DOBIE AND TELL
HIM YOU'RE COMING UP.
- OH, NO, YOU'RE NOT.
- SURPRISE?
- YEAH. I JUST CAN'T
WAIT TO SEE HIS FACE
WHEN I SHOW UP THERE
FOR FATHER AND SON'S DAY.
- OOH, IT'S COLD IN HERE.
- OH, PLEASE, MY
DEAR, BE MY GUEST.
BUSINESS IS A LITTLE SLOW. GOOD.
COME HERE, DOLL.
- OH.
- REALLY, SIR, IT'S
VERY KIND OF YOU,
BUT I SHOULDN'T BE HERE.
- RIDICULOUS, DOBIE.
WHO HAS A BETTER RIGHT?
ISN'T THAT SO, SIR?
- ABSOLUTELY.
GILLIS, NOT ONLY ARE YOU
GOING TO ATTEND THIS LUNCHEON,
BUT YOU'RE GOING TO SIT
AT THE SPEAKER'S TABLE.
- OH, NO.
- LIKE, OH, NO.
- I INSIST.
- HONEST, SIR,
I DON'T DESERVE IT.
- YOU DO, TOO.
- HE DO NOT.
- GILLIS, YOU WILL SIT
AT THE SPEAKER'S TABLE.
THAT'S AN ORDER.
- I WON'T HAVE TO SPEAK, WILL I?
- NOT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO.
- HE DON'T WANT TO.
- I SURE DON'T.
- CAN I SIT UP WITH
HIM, LIEUTENANT?
- OF COURSE NOT, KREBS.
YOU SIT WITH YOUR FATHER.
- HE AIN'T HERE.
- DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO CALL HIM?
- I DID, SIR, PERSONALLY.
- AND?
- AND IF YOU WERE MY FATHER
AND I CALLED YOU PERSONALLY,
WOULD YOU BE HERE?
I, LIKE, REST MY CASE.
I WANT TO SIT WITH
MY GOOD BUDDY, DOBIE.
I MEAN, IN CASE HE GETS CARRIED
AWAY AND WANTS TO MAKE A SPEECH,
I CAN, LIKE, HIT HIM WITH A
JUDO CHOP OR SOMETHING.
- NO, KREBS.
- YOU ASK HIM, DOBE.
- I'D APPRECIATE IT, SIR.
- OF COURSE, GILLIS,
IF IT'S WHAT YOU WANT.
FATHERS, SONS, WILL YOU
TAKE YOUR PLACES, PLEASE?
- DOBE, GOOD BUDDY, YOU'RE NOT
GONNA MAKE A SPEECH, ARE YOU?
- CERTAINLY NOT.
- NO MATTER
HOW THE LIEUTENANT BEGS YOU,
YOU STILL WON'T DO IT, WILL YOU?
- 'COURSE NOT.
- AND THE PEOPLE
START APPLAUDING.
YOU STILL WON'T DO IT?
- ABSOLUTELY NOT.
- AND IF THEY KEEP APPLAUDING,
LIKE, REAL LOUD,
YOU STILL WON'T DO IT?
- POSITIVELY NOT.
- YOU'LL DO IT.
- GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN,
YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.
[CLEARING THROAT] I
AM LT. MERRIWETHER,
LAUNDRY AND MORALE
OFFICER OF A COMPANY.
I WELCOME YOU ALL
TO OUR FIRST ANNUAL
FATHER AND SON DAY FOR
IT HAS BEEN WISELY SAID
A BOY'S BEST
FRIEND IS HIS FATHER.
THEREFORE BOYS AND DAD,
LOOK AT EACH OTHER,
SMILE AT EACH OTHER,
REJOICE IN YOUR HEARTS
THAT YOU HAVE EACH OTHER.
AND PERHAPS YOU CAN
ALSO FIND IT IN YOUR HEARTS
TO SPARE A LITTLE PITY
FOR THOSE WHO ARE
NOT SO FORTUNATE.
- UH-OH. HERE IT COMES.
- DON'T WORRY, MAYNARD.
- DOBE, YOU'RE NOT GONNA
MAKE A SPEECH, ARE YOU?
- 'COURSE NOT.
- YOU WILL.
- SEATED HERE AT THIS TABLE
IS A SOLDIER WHOSE FATHER
IS UNABLE TO BE HERE TODAY.
THAT BOY'S FATHER IS UNABLE
TO BE HERE, GENTLEMEN,
BECAUSE HE GAVE HIS LAST
FULL MEASURE OF DEVOTION
SO THAT THIS NATION
COULD LONG ENDURE.
IT GRIEVES ME TO
TELL YOU, GENTLEMEN,
THAT THAT BOY'S FATHER
IS MISSING IN ACTION.
- COME ON, DOBE, LET'S CUT OUT.
LET'S BLOW THIS PLACE.
- SHH.
- THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE
GONNA DO, MAKE A SPEECH.
- BUT I AM SURE, GENTLEMEN,
THAT IF THAT BOY'S FATHER,
THAT MISSING HERO,
WERE HERE TODAY,
HE'D BE JUST A PROUD OF
HIS SON AS ALL OF US ARE.
GENTLEMEN, I TAKE GREAT PLEASURE
IN PRESENTING PVT. DOBIE GILLIS.
PVT. GILLIS, WOULD YOU STAND UP?
THANK YOU, GILLIS.
- THAT'S OKAY, LIEUTENANT.
- IT'S GOOD TO HAVE A
MAN LIKE YOU IN MY OUTFIT.
- YOU'RE ACES IN MY
BOOK, LIEUTENANT.
- NOW, GILLIS, DO YOU THINK
YOU COULD BRING YOURSELF
TO TELL US A LITTLE
ABOUT YOUR FATHER?
- WELL...
- NO, NO, SIR. HE CAN'T TALK
ABOUT IT. IT'S TOO
PAINFUL. IT HURTS HIM.
HE GETS FAINTING
SPELLS. DON'T ASK HIM.
- ARE YOU SURE?
- OH, YES, SIR. HE'S SURE.
- YOU KNOW, GILLIS,
SOMETIMES IT HELPS
WHEN WE TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS
INSTEAD OF KEEPING
THEM BOTTLED UP INSIDE.
- OH, NOT WITH
HIM, SIR. NO, SIR.
EVERY TIME I MENTION
HIS FATHER'S NAME,
HE JUST, LIKE, TOPPLES
OVER IN A COMMA.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S COMA.
- YEAH, AND THAT'S WHAT
HE TOPPLES OVER INTO, SIR.
- IT'S ALL RIGHT,
GILLIS. I UNDERSTAND.
NOW GENTLEMEN, IF YOU WILL,
ANOTHER ROUND OF
APPLAUSE FOR PVT. GILLIS,
AND THEN WE WILL
ALL RAISE OUR VOICES
IN A MEDLEY OF PATRIOTIC AIRS.
- WELL, MAYBE I
COULD BRING MYSELF
TO TELL JUST A LITTLE.
- SPLENDID, GILLIS, SPLENDID.
- UH-HUH.
- IF IT GETS TOO
PAINFUL, GILLIS,
DON'T FEEL YOU HAVE TO GO ON.
- YES.
GENTLEMEN, I'M HERE
UNDER FALSE COLORS.
I'M NOT THE SON OF A GREAT
HERO WHO'S MISSING IN ACTION.
- YAY, DOBIE. YAY, GOOD
BUDDY. AND, LIKE, THANK YOU.
- I'M THE SON OF A
PLAIN, ORDINARY MAN
WHO'S MISSING IN ACTION,
FOR MY FATHER,
HERBERT T. GILLIS,
IS A PLAIN, ORDINARY MAN.
AND THE STORY OF
HERBERT T. GILLIS
IS A PLAIN, ORDINARY STORY
OF A PLAIN, ORDINARY
MAN SERVING HIS COUNTRY,
A PLAIN, ORDINARY MAN WHO JUST
HAPPENED TO BE A MILITARY GENIUS
WITH THE COURAGE OF A
TIGER AND THE HEART OF A LION.
WHERE DOES THE STORY
OF HERBERT T. GILLIS BEGIN?
A TYPICAL AMERICAN CHILDHOOD,
A TYPICAL AMERICAN BOYHOOD,
AND THEN PEARL HARBOR,
THE CALL TO ARMS,
THE TRAINING CAMP,
THE PACIFIC THEATER,
THE SOLOMONS, NEW
GUINEA, IWO JIMA, TAROA,
AND THEN HIS LUCK RAN
OUT. HE WAS CAPTURED.
AND IN THAT JAPANESE
PRISON STOCKADE,
THIS GREAT FIGHTING MAN
ATTAINED HIS FINEST HOUR.
- BROOKLYN, HOW WOULD
YOU LIKE TO BE BACK HOME
EATING MOM'S APPLE PIE
AND BOOING THE DODGERS?
- OH, YOU KIDDING?
LIKE, WHO WOULDN'T?
- OH, YOU STICK WITH ME, BUDDY.
I'M GONNA GET US
BACK INTO THIS WAR.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ESCAPE
FROM THIS PRISON CAMP?
- THAT'S JUST WHAT I MEAN.
- WHY, YOU GOTTA BE
OUT OF YOUR SKULL, BABY.
THEY GOT GUYS
ALL OVER THE PLACE.
- YOU FORGET. I KNOW JUDO.
- HEY, HE DON'T?
- WHAT'S THAT?
- A BIG, BLACK BELT.
- THAT'S RIGHT. A
BIG, BLACK BELT,
AND A BLACK BELT IS THE
HIGHEST YOU CAN GO IN JUDO.
I KNOW TRICKS THAT
AIN'T BEEN INVENTED YET.
I KNOW NERVE CENTERS THAT
ARE UNKNOWN TO MEDICAL SCIENCE.
- HERB, LIKE WHAT?
- LIKE THIS.
- HOW'D YOU DO THAT?
- AMERICAN KNOW-HOW.
COME ON. LET'S GET
OUT OF THIS WRECK.
HEY, BUDDY, YOU GOT A MATCH?
- YANK, YOU DIE!
- COME ON. WE'RE
WALKING OUT OF HERE.
- HEY, HERB, I'M SCARED.
- I'M SCARED, TOO.
BUT IF WE'RE EVER GONNA
EAT TAFFY APPLES AT THE U.S.O.
WITH THE ANDREWS SISTERS
AND FRANCES LANGFORD,
FIRST WE GOT THE BLUE BIRDS BACK
OVER THE WHITE CLIFFS OF DOVER.
- PROUD AND TALL, DAD
MARCHED OUT OF THAT CAMP,
FOLLOWED BY HIS
FAITHFUL BUDDY, BROOKLYN.
BUT THEIR TROUBLES WEREN'T
OVER YET, NOT BY A LONG SHOT.
- SHH. ARE YOU LOOKING FOR
SOMEBODY, SIR? WHO ARE YOU?
- I DON'T KNOW. LET'S
WAIT AND FIND OUT, HUH?
- BUT THERE WAS STILL AN
OBSTACLE TO OVERCOME
BEFORE DAD COULD FIND FREEDOM,
A GREAT BIG OBSTACLE.
I DON'T SUPPOSE ANY OF
YOU HERE HAVE EVER HEARD
OF THE BRIDGE
OVER THE RIVER KWAI.
- YOU MEAN TO SAY
WE'RE GONNA BLOW UP
THIS BRIDGE OVER THE RIVER KWAI?
- THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.
WHAT DO YOU THINK
I STOLE ALL THE WIRE
AND THE DYNAMITE
AND THIS EXPLODER
RIGHT FROM UNDER THE NOSE OF
THE JAPANESE HIGH COMMAND FOR?
- BUT, HERB, TO BLOW
UP A BRIDGE THIS SIZE,
YOU NEED MAYBE, LIKE,
50,000 VOLTS OF ELECTRICITY.
- THIS LOOK LIKE YOUR
MOTHER-IN-LAW'S MUSTACHE?
COME ON. LET'S GET
THIS THING SET UP.
THIS SHOULD ABOUT DO IT. OKAY.
I'LL GO BACK AND
CONNECT THE WIRES.
YOU STAY HERE AND
HANDLE THE PLUNGER.
AND DON'T GET THIS
THING ANY CLOSER,
OR WE'LL GO UP WITH THE BRIDGE.
- I GOT YOU.
- IT'S A LITTLE SHORT. BROOKLYN,
THE WIRE WON'T REACH.
YOU STAY THERE
WITH THE EXPLODER.
I'LL HOLD THIS WIRE IN ONE HAND
AND THE WIRE TO THE
BRIDGE IN THE OTHER.
- HERB, I CAN'T DO THAT.
THAT'S GONNA MEAN 50,000 VOLTS
IS GONNA GO RIGHT
THROUGH YOUR BODY.
- THAT'S SHOWBIZ.
- HERB, I CAN'T DO
THAT. I JUST CAN'T.
- BUT, BROOKLYN, YOU GOTTA.
FOR MOM'S APPLE PIE,
FOR THE RIGHT TO
BOO THE DODGERS,
FOR THE NEW WORLD WHERE ALL
MEN WILL LIVE IN PEACE AND HARMONY,
AND THE FIELDS WILL BE
BRIGHT WITH FLOWERS,
AND THE AIR WILL RESOUND
WITH THE SONG OF BIRDS.
- HERB, YOU'RE A
GRAND HUMANITARIAN
AND A HECK OF A GOOD SPORT.
- LET'S JUST SAY I AM A
PLAIN, ORDINARY AMERICAN.
PUSH THE PLUNGER.
- GOOD-BYE, HERBERT T. GILLIS,
PLAIN, ORDINARY AMERICAN.
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
[EXPLOSION]
- AND THAT, GENTLEMEN,
IS WHY MY FATHER,
HERBERT T. GILLIS, A
PLAIN, ORDINARY MAN
IS MISSING IN ACTION.
- GOOD BUDDY, GOOD
BUDDY, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE
WHILE WE STILL CAN.
- MAYNARD, I CAN'T LEAVE.
THEY'LL BE ASKING
FOR AUTOGRAPHS LATER.
- WELL, DOBE, I'LL VISIT YOU AT
THE GUARDHOUSE AS OFTEN I CAN.
LIKE, HI, MR. G., I THOUGHT
YOU WERE MISSING IN ACTION.
- MAYNARD.
- OH, DON'T BLOW THE WHISTLE
ON DOBIE, SIR, LIKE, PLEASE?
HE'LL GET 30 YEARS
IN THE GUARDHOUSE,
30 YEARS ON MOLDY, OLD BREAD
AND WATER WITH
LITTLE GREEN BUGS IN IT.
LIKE, PLEASE, MR. G...
- RELAX, MAYNARD.
WHAT I WANT TO
KNOW IS HOW DID DOBIE
EVER GET HIMSELF MIXED
UP IN THIS WILD STORY?
AND, OH, WHAT A STUPID
QUESTION. WHO'S THE GIRL?
- YOU SEE?
- I SEE.
- YOU WOULDN'T SQUEAL ON
DOBIE, WOULD YOU, MR. G.?
- MAYNARD, YOU ARE FORGETTING
I WAS A FIRST SERGEANT IN WWII
AND HAPPEN TO
KNOW A THING OR TWO
ABOUT THE FINE POINTS
OF BULL-SLINGING MYSELF.
BUT THIS TIME I'M AFRAID THE
KID'S OUTDONE HIS OLD MAN.
- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, MR. G.?
- WATCH.
DOBIE, DOBIE, MY SON,
IT'S ME, YOUR FATHER!
THEY FOUND ME! I'M HERE!
- I'M NOT.
- OH, I'M ALIVE. I'M ALIVE.
I'M AT HOME AT LAST.
- YOU YOU YOU WOULD HMM.
- MY SON. MY SON.
- MY DAD. MY DAD.
- CAN IT BE TRUE? IS
IT REALLY HAPPENING?
- YEAH, I THINK IT'S
REALLY HAPPENING.
- AFTER ALL THESE YEARS,
YOU FOUND EACH OTHER
AT MY FATHER AND SON DAY?
- YES, SIR, LIEUTENANT.
- OH, FOR JOY.
- JOY.
- FOR SURE.
- I KNOW YOU MUST BE TIRED AFTER
YOUR LONG AND PERILOUS JOURNEY.
BUT WOULD YOU BE GOOD ENOUGH
TO TELL US A LITTLE ABOUT IT?
- WITH PLEASURE, SIR.
AFTER I BLEW UP THE
BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI,
I WAS WASHED ASHORE.
PLUNGING BACK INTO THE STREAM,
I SWAM FOR OVER AN HOUR...
- AW, COME ON,
MAYNARD, HAVE A HEART.
- MY FINGERS ARE KILLING ME.
- NO N-O, NEGATIVE.
I SAID 1,000 TIMES. THAT'S
WHAT I MEANT, 1,000 TIMES.
NOW, GO LIKE YOU PROMISED.
Both: HONESTY IS
THE BEST POLICY.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪