The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 1, Episode 32 - Put Your Feet in Our Hands - full transcript
Dobie and Chatsworth compete for the affections of Daphne by setting to work to sell the most shoes in her father's shoe store.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ DOBIE! ♪
- MY FATHER CAN'T UNDERSTAND
WHY I DON'T LIKE WORK.
WHAT'S SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND?
SOME PEOPLE DON'T
LIKE ARTICHOKES,
OR BOWTIES, OR WYATT EARP.
I MEAN, THIS IS A FREE COUNTRY,
AND WE ALL HAVE THE
RIGHT TO DISLIKE SOMETHING.
AND MY CHOICE
HAPPENS TO BE WORK.
NOW, MY FATHER HAPPENS
NOT TO LIKE ROCK AND ROLL.
OKAY, THAT'S HIS PRIVILEGE.
DO I TRY TO CHANGE HIS MIND?
OF COURSE NOT.
SO HOW COME HE
DOESN'T GET OFF MY BACK?
I MEAN, I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE
WHO HAS AN ALLERGY TO WORK.
YOU TAKE CHATSWORTH
OSBORNE, JR.,
THE RICHEST KID IN TOWN.
YOU KNOW HOW HE
FEELS ABOUT WORK?
- CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.,
IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE
YOU HAVE NEVER DONE
AN HONEST DAY'S WORK.
- BUT, OF COURSE NOT, MY CHILD.
- AREN'T YOU ASHAMED,
NEVER DOING A LICK OF WORK?
- DAPHNE, YOU DON'T SEEM
TO UNDERSTAND, DEAR.
WHAT DOES EVERYBODY
IN THIS COUNTRY WANT?
MORE LEISURE TIME.
UNIONS GO OUT ON STRIKE
FOR SHORTER WORK WEEKS.
EVERYBODY IS LOOKING
FOR MORE LEISURE.
WELL, I'VE ALREADY
GOT MINE, DAPHNE, BABY.
- YOU'RE HOPELESS.
WORK IS WHAT HAS MADE
THIS COUNTRY GREAT,
HARD, HONEST TOIL.
WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS
COUNTRY WOULD BE LIKE
IF EVERYONE FELT THE WAY YOU DO?
- HEAPS OF FUN.
- CHATSWORTH, GO AWAY.
- OH, DAPHNE, YOU'RE SO
TENSE ABOUT THIS THING.
WILL YOU LOOK AT IT RATIONALLY?
MY GRANDDAD'S WORK
MADE SCADS OF MONEY.
THEN DAD'S WORK MADE SCADS MORE.
WELL, WE'VE GOT ENOUGH
SCADS NOW, DON'T YOU SEE?
- BULLY FOR YOU.
YOU'RE NOT THE KIND
OF MAN I'M LOOKING FOR.
- OH, WHAT KIND OF MAN
ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
- HI, CHATSWORTH.
- OH, HELLO, CHAP.
BULLY TO SEE YOU, GOODBYE.
LOOK AT IT THIS WAY, OLD GIRL.
IN THE SOCIAL CIRCLES
IN WHICH I TRAVEL...
NO OFFENSE, GILLIS, BABY,
BUT WHY DON'T YOU JUST BEG OFF?
- OH, I'M SUPPOSED TO
MEET MAYNARD HERE.
- OH, WELL, COULDN'T YOU FIND
A MORE APPROPRIATE LOCALE,
LIKE A SECOND-HAND
RUMMAGE STORE?
- NOW WAIT A MINUTE, CHATSWORTH.
MAYNARD AND ME HAVE AS
MUCH RIGHT HERE AS YOU HAVE.
THIS IS A PUBLIC PARK AND
WE'RE ALL EQUAL, YOU KNOW.
- RATHER AN AMUSING
FICTION, ISN'T IT?
- TWO, CHAPPY, WITH JUST
A SOUPÇON OF MUSTARD.
- SOUPÇON?
- CHATSWORTH, I'VE HAD
IT WITH YOU. I'M LEAVING.
- MY DEAR GIRL,
NO ONE HAS EVER WALKED OUT
ON CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.
- IN THAT CASE, BUSTER,
HISTORY IS BEING MADE RIGHT NOW.
FLAKE OFF.
[ APPLAUSE ]
- OH, A SHOCKING LOW
POINT, PERSONALLY.
- ALLOW ME.
- WELL, THANK YOU.
- NOT AT ALL.
- YOU'RE VERY KIND.
- YOU'RE VERY BEAUTIFUL,
AND PINK AND WHITE, AND
ROUND, AND SOFT, AND SWEET.
- YOU ARE CUTE.
- YOU ARE THE SUN AND THE MOON.
- AND YOU'RE VERY GALLANT.
- AND YOU'RE A
VISION OF DELIGHT.
- DO YOU HAVE A NAME?
- DOBIE GILLIS.
- DAPHNE ROOT.
- AH, DAPHNE,
I'VE BEEN SEARCHING
FOR YOU ALL MY LIFE.
- AND I FOR YOU, DOBIE.
- LITTLE DID I THINK MY QUEST...
YOU'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR ME?
- WHY HAVE I BEEN
SEARCHING FOR YOU?
ONE MIGHT WELL ASK.
- ONE MIGHT WELL, INDEED, YES.
- THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE.
- MM-HMM.
- FIRST, YOU'RE A
PERFECT GENTLEMAN.
- TRUE.
- SECOND, YOU'RE CUTE.
- TRUE.
- THIRD,
YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY OF
SOLID MORAL CHARACTER.
- TRUE.
- FOURTH, YOU'RE A WORKER.
- TRUE. TRUE?
- WELL, YOU'RE DRESSED
IN WORKING CLOTHES,
NOT IN SOME OUTLANDISH
PLAYBOY'S OUTFIT
LIKE CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.
- OH, WELL, THAT'S TRUE, YEAH.
- WHAT KIND OF WORK DO YOU DO?
- YEAH, YEAH, I'M IN
THE GROCERY LINE.
- OH, SPLENDID, DON'T
YOU THINK WORK IS DIVINE?
- YEAH, DO YOU?
- I DO, I DO.
- UH-HUH.
YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK IT IS?
- WHAT?
- DIVINE.
- ME, TOO.
- YEAH, YEAH. DAPHNE.
- OH, DOBIE, CONSIDER THE GIANTS
OF OUR MODERN CIVILIZATION,
FORD, CARNEGIE, ROCKEFELLER.
WHAT DID THESE
MEN HAVE IN COMMON?
- MONEY?
- OH, MONEY IS ONLY
A SMALL PART OF IT.
WHAT EXCITES ME IS
THAT THEY WERE WORKERS,
MEN OF DRIVE AND AMBITION
AND SOARING IMAGINATION,
VIBRANT, STIMULATING,
FASCINATING MEN.
- YOU'RE REALLY APE
FOR WORK, AREN'T YOU?
- AND WHAT SENSIBLE
PERSON IS NOT?
- YEAH, MM-HMM.
- OH, DOBIE,
YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY TO THAT
SAME LOFTY PINNACLE, TOO.
I CAN TELL.
HERE YOU HAVE A
DAY OFF FROM SCHOOL.
ARE YOU FRITTING AWAY
YOUR TIME SLEEPING?
- NO.
- LOLLING ABOUT, INDULGING
IN TIME WASTING GAMES?
- NO. YOU'RE WORKING,
STRIVING, MOVING AHEAD.
OH, DOBIE, YOU'RE
THE KIND OF MAN
THIS COUNTRY NEEDS.
- DAPHNE.
- DOBIE, IT'S SO WONDERFUL
TO BE NEAR A BOY
WHO'S DYNAMIC AND FORCEFUL,
INSTEAD OF SOME SPINELESS,
UNSALVAGEABLE,
AMBITIONLESS WRECK.
- YOU RANG? BEEP-BOOP.
LIKE, HI, GOOD BUDDY.
TENNIS, ANYONE?
- MAYNARD G. KREBS,
MY FELLOW WORKER.
- WORKER?
- YEAH, I SEE YOU FINISHED
RE-STRINGING THOSE RACKETS
AT THE SPORTING GOODS
SHOP WHERE YOU WORK.
- WORK? DOBE, HAVE YOU
GONE WIG, OR SOMETHING?
- I'D BE GLAD TO HELP
YOU DELIVER THE RACKETS,
BUT I'M STILL BUSY
RUNNING ERRANDS
FOR THE GROCERY STORE
WHERE I'M GAINFULLY EMPLOYED.
- GAINFULLY EMPLOYED?
- YEAH, YEAH, GAINFULLY
EMPLOYED MEANS WORK.
- WORK, WORK?
- DOBIE, WHAT'S GOING ON?
- WELL, NOTHING,
NOTHING, DAPHNE.
- DOBIE, WHERE IS
THIS GROCERY STORE?
- WHAT?
- I WANT TO WATCH YOU AT WORK.
- OH, YEAH. WELL, WELL, YOU SEE,
YOU, UH, IT'S, UH,
YOU CAN'T GET THERE FROM HERE.
- DOBIE, IF YOU PUT
YOUR MIND TO IT,
YOU CAN GET ANYWHERE
FROM ANYWHERE.
NOW, WHERE IS THIS STORE?
- IT'S MY DAD'S PLACE
AND IT'S AT 285 NORWOOD
STREET. GILLIS' GROCERY.
- I'LL BE THERE THIS AFTERNOON.
AND WHEN I ARRIVE, I
EXPECT TO SEE A POWERFUL,
HUMAN DYNAMO,
OPERATING AT FULL STEAM.
- UH-HUH.
- LIKE, WHAT NOW?
- LIKE, I'M IN HOT WATER.
- YEAH, I HEARD OF THE STUFF.
- I MAY HAVE TO GO TO WORK.
- WORK?
- MAYNARD.
WHEN DAPHNE GETS TO
THE STORE THIS AFTERNOON,
SHE'S GOING TO FIND ME
WORKING, A HUMAN DYNAMO.
- YOU'RE GOING TO
WORK IN THE STORE?
- YES, I AM, AND
IT'S ABOUT TIME.
I MEAN, DAD'S NOT
GETTING ANY YOUNGER,
AND IF I CAN EASE
HIS DECLINING YEARS.
- YOU'RE, LIKE, A
REAL HUMAN BEING.
- YEAH.
- SO ARE YOU, MAYNARD.
- THANKS, GOOD BUDDY. WHY?
- BECAUSE YOU'RE
GOING TO HELP ME.
- ME? HELP WORK IN A
STORE? OH, NO, DOBE...
- NOW, MAYNARD, YOU
CAN DO IT, NOW STOP...
- SO THIS IS WORK, HUH?
- RIGHT.
- SO IT AIN'T SO TOUGH.
- NATURALLY, I'M DOING IT ALL.
- OH, YOU'RE OKAY IN
MY BOOK, GOOD BUDDY.
- MAYNARD, GET TO WORK.
- WORK!
- MAYNARD, COME BACK HERE.
- LOOK, START DUSTING.
WHEN DAPHNE GETS HERE,
WE'VE GOT TO LOOK LIKE
WE'RE GETTING A
KICK OUT OF THIS.
- I GOT, LIKE, A BETTER IDEA.
- WHAT?
- LET'S QUIT.
- QUIT?
- GOOD THINKING.
- MAYNARD.
COME BACK.
- DO I, LIKE, GOTTA?
- YOU, LIKE, GOTTA.
- LIKE, WHY?
- BECAUSE WE'RE, LIKE, FRIENDS.
- RIGHT NOW I WISH
WE WAS, LIKE, ENEMIES.
- MAYNARD, I HAVE JUST BEGUN
MY CAMPAIGN TO WIN DAPHNE,
AND THERE'S AN OLD SAYING,
"QUITTERS NEVER WIN
AND WINNERS NEVER QUIT."
- QUITTERS NEVER WIN
AND WINNERS NEVER QUIT.
QUITTERS NEVER WIN
AND WINNERS NEVER QUIT.
IT MUST BE A PRETTY OLD
SAYING, MAN. IT AIN'T GOT NO BEAT.
- LOOK, WHEN DAPHNE WALKS
IN, SHE'S GOING TO THINK
YOU AND I ARE RUNNING
THE HAPPIEST STORE IN TOWN.
- WELL, HERE I AM
READY TO BE GYPPED
BY THE GILLIS
GROCERY STORE AGAIN.
- OH, HELLO, MRS. KINNEY.
- I'M REPORTING THIS
PLACE TO THE POLICE.
- WHAT? WHAT? POLICE?
- WHAT SERVICE.
- HUH?
- WHAT PRICES.
- MRS. KENNY.
WHAT A WAY TO TREAT CUSTOMERS.
- AND WHAT A TIME,
TO, LIKE, CUT OUT.
- MAYNARD.
- AND WHERE'S THAT
SNEAKY FATHER OF YOURS?
WHERE'S THAT SCOUNDREL HIDING?
- OH, HE WENT TO A MEETING
OVER AT THE LEGION HALL.
- AH, WHERE I CAN'T
LAY MY HANDS ON HIM,
THE SNIVELING COWARD.
- UH, WHAT DID HE DO
THIS TIME, MRS. KENNY?
- DID HE, LIKE,
WEIGH THE PEACHES
WITHOUT SHAVING
THE FUZZ OFF FIRST?
- I ORDERED A
DOZEN GREEN APPLES.
AND WHAT DID THAT
THIEVING RASCAL SEND ME?
RED APPLES, AT
GREEN APPLE PRICES.
- MRS. KENNY, YOU GOT A BARGAIN.
- MY COUNCILMAN
WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS.
- MRS. KENNY, THE RED
APPLES ARE MORE EXPENSIVE.
YOU SAVED 14 CENTS.
- JAIL IS TOO GOOD
FOR YOU GILLISES.
- ALL RIGHT, OKAY,
I'LL BE GLAD TO
EXCHANGE THEM FOR YOU.
- WATCH IT, JUNIOR,
DO YOU WANT TO
LOSE SOME FINGERS?
AH, I SAVED 14 CENTS.
- YEAH.
- OH, HO, I TELL YOU,
YOU HAVE TO GET UP
EARLY IN THE MORNING
TO FOOL BLOSSOM KENNY.
- YEAH, YOU BELONG
ON WALL STREET, BLOS...
UH, MRS. KENNY. TELL ME,
WELL, WHAT CAN I DO FOR
YOU TODAY, MRS. KENNY?
- I WANT THIS SIRLOIN GROUND.
- WELL, I CAN'T DO
THAT, MRS. KENNY.
YOU DIDN'T BUY IT FROM US.
- NATURALLY. THE MARKET
OVER ON GROVER STREET
SELLS IT FOR 2 CENTS
A POUND CHEAPER.
- WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU
HAVE THEM GRIND IT?
- AND STAND IN LINE
FOR HALF AN HOUR
IN THAT DRAFTY PLACE? HA!
- HA!
- MAYNARD.
- SHE'S RIGHT, IT'S, LIKE,
SPOOKY OVER THERE.
- MAYNARD THAT'S SILLY. NOW...
- HERE, BOY. GRIND.
- OH, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE,
MRS. KENNY.
- I'LL POSSIBLE YOU, YOU
UNGRATEFUL RASCAL.
I'LL TELL YOUR FATHER THE
WAY YOU TALKED BACK TO ME.
I'LL TELL YOUR
FATHER THE WAY YOU...
- ALL RIGHT, ALL
RIGHT, I'M TRYING TO...
- I'M THE MOST LOYAL, THE
MOST DEVOTED CUSTOMER
THAT EVER WALKING INSIDE THIS...
OH, YOU'RE A NICE BOY, DOBIE,
NOT A BIT LIKE YOUR FATHER.
- CRAZY, CAN I RUN IT,
DOBE? HUH? PLEASE?
- GEE, I DON'T KNOW, MAYNARD.
- I NEVER RAN ONE BEFORE.
I WAS, LIKE, UNDERPRIVILEGED.
- WELL, ALL RIGHT,
MAYNARD, BUT BE CAREFUL.
- MAN, THE CAREFULLEST.
- I NEED SOME SWEET
POTATOES WHILE I'M HERE.
- OH, THIS IS YOUR
LUCKY DAY, MRS. KENNY,
WE'RE RUNNING A SPECIAL ON THEM,
- YOU'RE A NICE BOY.
- AND THEY'RE NOT GREEN.
- MAYNARD, TURN
IT OFF! TURN IT OFF.
TURN IT OFF. MAYNARD, STOP.
- STOP THAT,
OR I'LL STRANGLE YOU
WITH MY BARE HANDS.
- OH, WHAT A CRAZY
PENCIL SHARPENER.
- MAYNARD.
- I'M REPORTING THIS TO
THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY.
- OH, MRS. KENNY, WAIT.
- I'VE GOT FRIENDS
IN HIGH PLACES.
- PLEASE, MRS. KENNY,
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
- IT HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME.
- I'LL TURN THIS MARKET
INTO A BOWLING ALLEY.
- DAPHNE.
- DAPHNE?
- DAPHNE, YEAH.
- LET ME GO, YOU AWFUL BOYS.
- MRS. KENNY, TAKE YOUR CHOICE
OF ANYTHING IN THE FREEZER.
- THE MAYOR WILL
HEAR ABOUT THIS.
- YEAH, TAKE ANY CUT OF
MEAT, IT'S ON THE HOUSE.
- THE GOVERNOR WILL HEAR...
ANYTHING IN THE FREEZER?
- ANYTHING IN THE FREEZER, YES.
- MAYNARD, YOU'RE IN CHARGE.
- LIKE, ME?
- LIKE, YOU.
- OH, I'M, LIKE, DEAD.
- PUTTING IT MILDLY,
I'D SAY THINGS WEREN'T
GOING EXACTLY RIGHT.
I MEAN, DAPHNE WAS
COMING THROUGH THE DOOR.
MRS. KENNY WAS IN THE FREEZER,
AND I WAS IN THE SOUP.
- HI, DOBIE.
- HI, DAPHNE.
- HI, MAYNARD.
- LIKE, HI.
- LET'S GO.
- GO?
I HAVEN'T EVEN HAD
TIME TO SEE THE STORE.
- OH, WELL, THERE'S
NOT MUCH TO SEE,
JUST AN ORDINARY STORE.
- 27 CENTS.
- COME ON, WE'LL TAKE
A WALK IN THE PARK.
- DOBIE, IF YOU'RE WORKING,
HOW CAN YOU JUST WALK
OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY?
- OH, GOOD QUESTION, YEAH.
YEAH, WELL, I CAN LEAVE BECAUSE
I'M NOT WORKING HERE ANYMORE.
I JUST QUIT.
- YOU QUIT?
- YEAH, YEAH, THIS JOB DIDN'T
OFFER ENOUGH CHALLENGE
TO A MAN OF MY ABILITY.
- WHERE DO YOU GO FROM HERE?
- FROM HERE?
- THE NEXT JOB,
THE NEXT RUNG
UPWARD ON THE LADDER.
- WELL, I THOUGHT I'D TAKE
MY TIME AND LOOK AROUND,
YOU KNOW, KIND OF RUN
SOME IDEAS UP THE FLAG POLE
AND SEE IF ANYBODY SALUTES
THEM AND THEN IN A FEW MONTHS.
- WHY WAIT?
- WHAT?
- WELL, MY FATHER COULD
PUT YOU TO WORK RIGHT AWAY.
- YOUR FATHER, WORK, ME?
- ROOT'S SHOE STORE,
YOU'VE HEARD OUR MOTTO,
"PUT YOUR FEET IN OUR HANDS."
- YEAH, I'VE HEARD IT, YEAH.
- OUR STORE'S
JUST UP THE STREET.
YOU COULD START
SELLING SHOES TOMORROW.
- ME SELLING SHOES?
- SELLING SHOES IS
ONLY A BEGINNING.
FROM THERE YOU'LL
WORK YOUR WAY UP,
AND UP, AND UP.
- WITH SHOES, THAT'S
THE ONLY WAY TO GO.
- DADDY'S LOOKING
FOR BRIGHT YOUNG MEN.
SHOW HIM YOU CAN MAKE GOOD,
AND THE FIRST THINK YOU
KNOW, YOU'LL BE A SUPERVISOR.
THEN ASSISTANT MANAGER.
- YEAH.
- THEN MANAGER.
- MM-HM, YEAH.
- THEN A SHOE TYCOON LIKE HE IS.
- HM.
- IN FOOTWEAR CIRCLES,
HE'S KNOW AS THE KING OF
THE 7.98 COMPOSITE SOLE.
- OH, ME, SELLING SHOES?
- I'LL SEE YOU AT 9:00 TOMORROW
MORNING AT THE STORE.
AND AFTER WORK, IF
YOU ARE AS SENSATIONAL
AS I KNOW YOU CAN BE,
WE'LL GO OUT AND
CELEBRATE, JUST THE TWO US.
- NOW YOU'RE TALKING.
- GOODBYE, MY
CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD.
- FAREWELL, MY QUEEN OF HEARTS.
ME SELLING SHOES?
- OH, MAYNARD, I'VE GOT
WORK TO DO. YOU OPEN IT.
- OH, NO, THIS IS YOUR STORE.
- AND YOU'RE MY FRIEND.
- AND YOU'RE, LIKE, MY FRIEND.
- SO...
- SO WE'LL GO DOWN ON
THE SINKING SHIP TOGETHER.
- OKAY, MAYNARD.
I WONDER IF THE FOREIGN LEGION
ACCEPTS 17-YEAR-OLD ENLISTEES?
- THANK YOU, DOBIE.
- MRS. KENNY, ARE ALL THESE...
- I'M GOING TO CALL THE FBI,
I'M GOING TO CALL
THE CITY COUNCIL.
I'M GOING TO CALL ANYBODY
THAT KNOWS ANYTHING.
- WELL, THANK YOU,
MRS. KENNY, TAKE IT ALL.
- OH, THANK YOUR FATHER.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, DOBIE.
- DOBE, WHAT'S YOUR
FATHER GOING TO SAY
WHEN HE FINDS ALL
THAT STUFF MISSING?
- I KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT HE'S GOING TO SAY.
- NO, MAYNARD,
MY MIND'S MADE UP.
I'M DUE AT THE SHOE
STORE IN 15 MINUTES,
AND THAT'S THE
WAY IT'S GOING TO BE.
- BUT A JOB, DOBE,
TAKING A JOB FOR A CHICK.
THAT'S LIKE THE ULTIMATE
SUPREME SACRIFICE.
- ULTIMATE SUPREME SACRIFICE.
- YEAH, I HEARD THEM WORDS IN
A MOVIE I SAW THE OTHER NIGHT...
JUST BEFORE THIS JOKER
TAKES OFF FOR THE MOON
IN A CELLULOID.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S
SATELLITE, MAYNARD.
- YEAH, SATELLITE.
MAN, WHAT A GASSER OF A MOVIE,
"THE MONSTER THAT
DEVOURED CLEVELAND."
- MAYNARD, YOU'VE GOT
AN ENTIRELY MIXED UP IDEA
ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF LABOR.
WHY, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHAT THE WORLD
WOULD BE WITHOUT WORK?
- UNEMPLOYED.
- NOW, LISTEN, EVERY PERSON,
EVERY ANIMAL HAS
A CERTAIN JOB TO DO,
OR EVERYTHING WOULD FALL APART.
NOW, NOW TAKE BEAVERS.
- OH, YOU MEAN WHERE THEY
BUILD THEM LITTLE WOODEN DAMS,
AND LIKE THAT?
- UH, THAT'S RIGHT MAYNARD.
THEY KEEP RIVERS
FROM OVERFLOWING.
- AND BEES.
- NOW, THESE...
- THEY CART THAT POLLEN AROUND,
AND KEEP AMERICA
GREEN AND GOLDEN.
- YEAH, RIGHT,
MAYNARD, RIGHT. NOW...
- AND HORSES.
- HORSES?
- YEAH, THEY GALLOP AROUND
AND KEEP THE RACETRACK
FROM COMING UP EMPTY.
- YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S
NOT WHAT I MEANT.
- YEAH, AND BUTTERFLIES.
THEY KEEP THEM NATURE STUDY CATS
FROM RUNNING AROUND AND
SLAPPING THEIR NETS ON HOLLOW AIR.
AND TAKE BEARS, MAN,
IF THEY WASN'T AROUND
TO MAKE RUGS OUT OF,
BABIES WOULD HAVE TO
HAVE THEIR PICTURES TAKEN
LAYING ON THAT COLD FLOOR.
- NOW...
- OR CHICKENS...
- MAYNARD, LOOK.
- THEY CAN JUST LAY IN
THERE FOR BREAKFAST
WITHOUT NO EGGS
TO KEEP IT COMPANY.
AND PIGS, OH, EGGS
JUST LAYING THERE
WITH NO BACON TO
KEEP IT COMPANY.
- MAYNARD, MAYNARD,
MAYNARD, ENOUGH, ENOUGH!
- AND WHAT ABOUT ALLIGATORS?
IF THERE WAS NO ALLIGATORS...
- FRANKLY, DOBE,
YOU DON'T CREDIT ME FOR, LIKE,
DIGGING THESE BASIC PRECEPTS.
- YEAH, THAT WAS IN
THE SAME MOVIE WITH
"FINAL SUPREME SACRIFICE."
- YEAH, YEAH.
WHAT, OH, SAY, SAY I'VE GOT TO
GET OVER TO THE SHOE STORE.
MY LIFE AS A WORKER
IS ABOUT TO BEGIN.
- SO LONG, GOOD BUDDY.
I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU.
- MORNING, MOMS.
- OH, CHATSWORTH, MUST
YOU BE SO UNSANITARY
THIS EARLY IN THE MORNING?
- I'M SORRY, MOMS.
- OH, YOUR FATHER HAD
THAT SAME NASTY HABIT.
ANOTHER CROQUET BALL, VEDAGLIO.
FORE!
- OH, SMASHING SHOT, MOMS,
BUT BE CAREFUL YOU
DON'T BREAK ANYTHING.
- OH, WHAT DIFFERENCE
DOES IT MAKE?
UNLESS THE BALL TRAVELS
MORE THAN 3 1/2
MILES IN ANY DIRECTION,
WHATEVER WE BREAK IS OURS.
[ CRASH ]
I NEVER DID LIKE UNCLE
HENRY'S POTTING SHED.
- BUT, MOMS, YOU ADORE FLOWERS.
- FLOWERS, INDEED.
HE HASN'T HAD A FLOWER
IN THERE IN 20 YEARS.
- WELL, THEN WHAT
DOES UNCLE HENRY DO
IN HIS POTTING SHED?
- HE GETS POTTED.
- WELL, I SUPPOSE EVERY
FAMILY MUST HAVE A SKELETON
IN THE CLOSET.
- OH, I DON'T MIND HIM
BEING IN THE CLOSET.
WHAT I OBJECT TO IS
WHEN HE GOES DOWN
TO THE CORNER OF 7TH AND MAIN
AND DOES THE TANGO.
- NOT AGAIN.
- WITH A TRAFFIC COP.
WELL, COME ON, BOY,
GET YOURSELF A MALLET,
AND LET'S WHAP A FEW HERE.
- NOT TODAY, MOMS,
I'VE GOT TO GO DOWNTOWN
ON BUSINESS. CHEER-O.
- CHATSWORTH, WHEN
YOU'RE IN TOWN...
- YES, MOMS.
- DON'T MINGLE.
- NO, MOMS.
- HI, DAPHNE.
- OH, DOBIE.
DADDY AND I HAVE
BEEN WAITING FOR YOU.
- OH, I'M SORRY, DAPHNE,
THE BUS WAS LATE.
- NEVER RELY ON
MECHANICAL TRANSPORTATION,
YOUNG MAN. USE THE FEET,
THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE FOR.
- OH, I DO, SIR.
I WOULDN'T THINK OF WALKING
ANYWHERE WITHOUT THEM.
- DADDY, THIS IS DOBIE GILLIS.
- YES.
- THE BOY I WAS
TELLING YOU ABOUT.
- MM-HMM. HOW DO YOU DO, SIR?
- WELL, THE HANDSHAKE
IS RATHER WEEK.
I PRESUME THAT YOUR FEET
ARE IN BETTER CONDITION.
- OH, THEY'RE TIP-TOP,
FOR FEET, THAT IS.
- YEAH, AND SO TO WORK.
NOW, UM, I WON'T
PAY YOU A SALARY,
AND THE COMMISSION IS SMALL.
BUT YOU'VE GOT A
GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO...
- HI-HO THERE, GANG.
- CHATSWORTH.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HERE, CHATSWORTH?
- DAPHNE, MY DEAR,
I COULD SCARCELY SLEEP LAST
NIGHT FOR THINKING OF YOU.
I MEAN, I JUST TOSSED AND TURNED
TILL JUST ALL HOURS IN MY
EXPENSIVE LOUIS XIV BED.
- NEEDING SYMPATHY ISN'T
GOING TO HELP, CHATSWORTH.
I'VE TOLD YOU THE ONLY
KIND OF A BOY I CAN RESPECT
IS ONE WHO IS WILLING
TO PITCH IN AND WORK.
- NAMELY, ME.
- BUT THAT'S PRECISELY
WHY I'M HERE, MY KITTEN.
FOR YOU, I WILL WORK.
IT'S A MADCAP IDEA, ALL RIGHT,
BUT WE OSBORNS ARE
NOTORIOUS DAREDEVILS.
- CHATSWORTH, HOW
MARVELOUS OF YOU.
- YES, ISN'T IT, THOUGH?
- WELL, DAUGHTER, AT LAST,
THE MONEY THAT I SPENT ON BRACES
SO YOUR TEETH COULD
COME IN STRAIGHT
IS COMING HOME TO ROOST.
- WELL, WAIT A MINUTE,
THIS ISN'T FAIR. I
WAS HERE FIRST.
- CHATSWORTH IS
ENTITLED TO A CHANCE, TOO.
- IN SOME CIRCLES
IT'S CALLED SPORTSMANSHIP,
OR DIDN'T YOU KNOW?
- YOU I'M IGNORING.
WELL, ANYHOW, WE STILL
HAVE OUR DATE TONIGHT.
- MM, MAYBE YES AND MAYBE NO.
- WHAT? DAPHNE, YOU PROMISED.
- TONIGHT I'M GOING
OUT WITH THE BOY
WHO SELLS THE MOST SHOES.
- BULLY.
- WELL, WAIT A MINUTE,
WHAT KIND OF A...
- WHAT'S THE
MATTER GILLIS, BABY?
ARE YOU AFRAID OF A
SMIDGEN OF COMPETITION?
- ME AFRAID OF YOU,
CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.?
HA, BRING ON THOSE CUSTOMERS.
- OH, LADIES, WHY, IT'S AN HONOR
TO SERVE TWO SUCH
CHARMING CREATURES.
WILL YOU HAVE A SEAT, PLEASE?
- AREN'T THEY LOVELY?
- THEY'RE JUST WHAT I WANTED,
BUT I CAN'T AFFORD
TO PAY $12.98.
- COULD YOU AFFORD, SAY, $8.98?
- WELL...
- $6.98?
- OH.
- NAME YOUR PRICE.
- $3.98?
- SOLD.
- OH, WONDERFUL.
I'LL HAVE ANOTHER
PAIR FOR MY SISTER NOW.
YOU MUST LOSE MONEY ON
EVERY PAIR OF SHOES YOU SELL.
- OH, TRUE, BUT WE'RE
CLOSED ON SUNDAYS.
- I TOLD THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD
ABOUT YOUR DIVINE BARGAINS.
- AND YOU WERE SO RIGHT.
I'LL TAKE FOUR PAIRS.
- AND I'LL TAKE A FEW MORE PAIRS
FOR MY OTHER SISTER NOW.
- THE MORE THE MERRIER.
WE AIM TO PLEASE.
SO THAT'LL BE $3.98 A PAIR.
- WE'LL BUY A FULL DOZEN
IF YOU'LL MAKE IT $3.00 EVEN.
- IT'S A DEAL.
GOD, MADAM, WHAT
A SHREWD BARGAINER
YOU ARE.
- THERE COMES A TIME
IN EVERY FELLOW'S LIFE
WHEN A LITTLE VOICE
INSIDE HIM YELLS,
"QUIT."
- QUIT?
- SURE, WHY NOT?
- BECAUSE YOU CAN'T.
- OH, MAYNARD, WHAT'S THE USE?
HOW CAN I BEAT CHATSWORTH
WHEN HE KEEPS PAYING
FOR THE SHOES OUT
OF HIS OWN POCKET?
- THAT'S A CRUMMY TRICK.
WHY DON'T YOU GO TELL THE BOSS?
- NO.
- HOW COME?
- WELL, THAT'S SNITCHING,
MAYNARD. I'M NO STOOL PIGEON.
- YEAH, HEY, WHY DON'T YOU
GO TELL CHATSWORTH'S MOTHER?
SHE'D NEVER LET HIM
WORK IN A SHOE STORE.
- I JUST TOLD YOU,
I'M NO STOOL PIGEON.
- YEAH.
- OF COURSE, IF SOME GOOD BUDDY
WENT AND TOLD
CHATSWORTH'S MOTHER,
THAT'D BE DIFFERENT,
WOULDN'T IT?
- SURE, DOBE, THEN YOU WOULDN'T
BE A STOOL PIGEON, WOULD YOU?
- THAT'S RIGHT, MAYNARD. I MEAN,
IF SOME GOOD BUDDY WENT
AND TOLD CHATSWORTH'S MOTHER,
THEN IT WOULDN'T
BE ME, WOULD IT?
- YEAH, I WONDER WHO I CAN GET?
OOH, LET'S SEE. SHH, QUIET,
I'M TRYING TO THINK
WHO I CAN GET.
HMM, LET'S SEE.
WHO'S YOUR GOOD BUDDY?
- OH, YEAH.
[ CRASH ]
- OH, DRAT.
- PSST.
- WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THAT?
- I'M, LIKE, A FELLA.
- WELL, NOT VERY LIKE.
VEDAGLIO, TAKE THIS DERELICT
AROUND TO THE BACK DOOR
AND HAVE THE COOK
GIVE HIM A WARM MEAL.
YOU'LL WORK, OF COURSE.
- WORK?
MRS. OSBORNE, I
DIDN'T COME FOR A MEAL.
I CAME TO TELL YOU
ABOUT CHATSWORTH.
- OH?
- HE'S, LIKE, YOUR SON.
- I KNOW WHO HE IS,
YOU NASTY FELLOW.
WHAT IS IT YOU WANT TO TELL ME?
- HE'S, LIKE, IN TROUBLE.
- OH, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
SCHOOL ISN'T IN SESSION.
- HE'S, LIKE, GOT A JOB.
- GOOD HEAVENS.
- LIKE, SELLING SHOES.
- OH, HOW NASTY.
- YEAH, YOU OUGHT TO SEE HIM
DOWN THERE AT ROOT'S SHOE STORE,
FITTING AND MEASURING,
AND MEASURING AND
FITTING, AND LACING.
- OH, ENOUGH. I
SHALL BE QUITE ILL.
- YEAH, ME TOO.
- OH, VEDAGLIO, BRING THE
CAR AROUND TO THE WEST GATE.
MAKE IT A FAST ONE WITH A SIREN.
GET AROUND TO THE KITCHEN
AND HAVE THE COOK
GIVE YOU A WARM MEAL
AND SOME CLOTHES.
[ SIREN WAILS]
- MADAM, CAN I... MOMS!
- WORK? YOU NASTY BOY.
- OH.
- WHAT POWER.
- YEAH, IT WAS LIKE LIVING
THROUGH ANOTHER SAN
FRANCISCO EARTHQUAKE.
- IT WAS SCARY.
- WELL, WELL, DAPHNE,
I WON, DIDN'T I?
TONIGHT YOU'RE
GOING OUT WITH ME.
- WITH YOU?
- YEAH, WELL,
I DID BETTER ON THE JOB
THAN CHATSWORTH. HE
WILTED IN THE STRETCH.
- WELL, THAT'S TRUE,
BUT, DOBIE, YOU'RE NOT
MUCH OF A SALESMAN,
BUT YOU DO HAVE
STICK-TO-IT-IVENESS.
- YEAH, I'M ONE
OF THE STICKIEST.
- DADDY, DO YOU REALLY THINK
DOBIE HAS A FUTURE
IN THE SHOE BUSINESS?
- DEFINITELY.
- OH.
- AS A SALESMAN?
- A HIGHER LEVEL.
- OH, GEE.
- IF I HAVE MY WAY, HE'LL
CLIMB RIGHT TO THE TOP.
- DOBIE.
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
- SORRY I'M LATE, DAPHNE,
BUT AFTER I FINISHED
UNPACKING THE CRATES
AND DUSTING THE SHELVES,
YOUR FATHER MADE ME
CLEAN OUT THE STOREROOM.
I'M BUSHED.
- YOU'LL LEARN TO
TAKE IT IN YOUR STRIDE.
NOW, WHERE SHALL WE GO TONIGHT?
- TONIGHT? GO?
- THERE'S A DANCE AT THE CIVIC.
- MM-HMM.
- DOBIE?
- I'LL NEVER LOOK AT
ANOTHER SHOE AGAIN.
RIGHTS, LEFTS, LEFTS.
- DOBIE? DOBIE?
- YOU KNOW, WORKING CHAPS
ARE ALL RIGHT IN THE DAYTIME,
BUT AT NIGHT, YOU JUST
CAN'T BEAT US PLAYBOYS.
LET'S GO.
- NIGHT-NIGHT.
- GOOD NIGHT.
- DAPHNE.
- I WANT TO EXPLAIN.
- GEE, I'M SORRY, I
MUST HAVE DOZED OFF.
ARE YOU READY TO
GO TO THE DANCE?
- WELL, TO TELL YOU
THE TRUTH, DOBIE,
I DON'T FEEL MUCH LIKE
DANCING RIGHT NOW.
- REALLY?
- I'M A LITTLE
TIRED. AREN'T YOU?
- YEAH, YEAH.
CONSIDERATE, THAT'S
WHAT YOU ARE, DAPHNE.
GEE, YOU'RE THE MOST
UNDERSTANDING GIRL IN THE WORLD.
- YOU'RE VERY SWEET, TOO, DOBIE.
- YEAH.
- WELL, GOOD NIGHT.
- GOOD NIGHT, DAPHNE.
GOOD NIGHT.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ DOBIE! ♪
- MY FATHER CAN'T UNDERSTAND
WHY I DON'T LIKE WORK.
WHAT'S SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND?
SOME PEOPLE DON'T
LIKE ARTICHOKES,
OR BOWTIES, OR WYATT EARP.
I MEAN, THIS IS A FREE COUNTRY,
AND WE ALL HAVE THE
RIGHT TO DISLIKE SOMETHING.
AND MY CHOICE
HAPPENS TO BE WORK.
NOW, MY FATHER HAPPENS
NOT TO LIKE ROCK AND ROLL.
OKAY, THAT'S HIS PRIVILEGE.
DO I TRY TO CHANGE HIS MIND?
OF COURSE NOT.
SO HOW COME HE
DOESN'T GET OFF MY BACK?
I MEAN, I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE
WHO HAS AN ALLERGY TO WORK.
YOU TAKE CHATSWORTH
OSBORNE, JR.,
THE RICHEST KID IN TOWN.
YOU KNOW HOW HE
FEELS ABOUT WORK?
- CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.,
IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE
YOU HAVE NEVER DONE
AN HONEST DAY'S WORK.
- BUT, OF COURSE NOT, MY CHILD.
- AREN'T YOU ASHAMED,
NEVER DOING A LICK OF WORK?
- DAPHNE, YOU DON'T SEEM
TO UNDERSTAND, DEAR.
WHAT DOES EVERYBODY
IN THIS COUNTRY WANT?
MORE LEISURE TIME.
UNIONS GO OUT ON STRIKE
FOR SHORTER WORK WEEKS.
EVERYBODY IS LOOKING
FOR MORE LEISURE.
WELL, I'VE ALREADY
GOT MINE, DAPHNE, BABY.
- YOU'RE HOPELESS.
WORK IS WHAT HAS MADE
THIS COUNTRY GREAT,
HARD, HONEST TOIL.
WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS
COUNTRY WOULD BE LIKE
IF EVERYONE FELT THE WAY YOU DO?
- HEAPS OF FUN.
- CHATSWORTH, GO AWAY.
- OH, DAPHNE, YOU'RE SO
TENSE ABOUT THIS THING.
WILL YOU LOOK AT IT RATIONALLY?
MY GRANDDAD'S WORK
MADE SCADS OF MONEY.
THEN DAD'S WORK MADE SCADS MORE.
WELL, WE'VE GOT ENOUGH
SCADS NOW, DON'T YOU SEE?
- BULLY FOR YOU.
YOU'RE NOT THE KIND
OF MAN I'M LOOKING FOR.
- OH, WHAT KIND OF MAN
ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
- HI, CHATSWORTH.
- OH, HELLO, CHAP.
BULLY TO SEE YOU, GOODBYE.
LOOK AT IT THIS WAY, OLD GIRL.
IN THE SOCIAL CIRCLES
IN WHICH I TRAVEL...
NO OFFENSE, GILLIS, BABY,
BUT WHY DON'T YOU JUST BEG OFF?
- OH, I'M SUPPOSED TO
MEET MAYNARD HERE.
- OH, WELL, COULDN'T YOU FIND
A MORE APPROPRIATE LOCALE,
LIKE A SECOND-HAND
RUMMAGE STORE?
- NOW WAIT A MINUTE, CHATSWORTH.
MAYNARD AND ME HAVE AS
MUCH RIGHT HERE AS YOU HAVE.
THIS IS A PUBLIC PARK AND
WE'RE ALL EQUAL, YOU KNOW.
- RATHER AN AMUSING
FICTION, ISN'T IT?
- TWO, CHAPPY, WITH JUST
A SOUPÇON OF MUSTARD.
- SOUPÇON?
- CHATSWORTH, I'VE HAD
IT WITH YOU. I'M LEAVING.
- MY DEAR GIRL,
NO ONE HAS EVER WALKED OUT
ON CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.
- IN THAT CASE, BUSTER,
HISTORY IS BEING MADE RIGHT NOW.
FLAKE OFF.
[ APPLAUSE ]
- OH, A SHOCKING LOW
POINT, PERSONALLY.
- ALLOW ME.
- WELL, THANK YOU.
- NOT AT ALL.
- YOU'RE VERY KIND.
- YOU'RE VERY BEAUTIFUL,
AND PINK AND WHITE, AND
ROUND, AND SOFT, AND SWEET.
- YOU ARE CUTE.
- YOU ARE THE SUN AND THE MOON.
- AND YOU'RE VERY GALLANT.
- AND YOU'RE A
VISION OF DELIGHT.
- DO YOU HAVE A NAME?
- DOBIE GILLIS.
- DAPHNE ROOT.
- AH, DAPHNE,
I'VE BEEN SEARCHING
FOR YOU ALL MY LIFE.
- AND I FOR YOU, DOBIE.
- LITTLE DID I THINK MY QUEST...
YOU'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR ME?
- WHY HAVE I BEEN
SEARCHING FOR YOU?
ONE MIGHT WELL ASK.
- ONE MIGHT WELL, INDEED, YES.
- THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE.
- MM-HMM.
- FIRST, YOU'RE A
PERFECT GENTLEMAN.
- TRUE.
- SECOND, YOU'RE CUTE.
- TRUE.
- THIRD,
YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY OF
SOLID MORAL CHARACTER.
- TRUE.
- FOURTH, YOU'RE A WORKER.
- TRUE. TRUE?
- WELL, YOU'RE DRESSED
IN WORKING CLOTHES,
NOT IN SOME OUTLANDISH
PLAYBOY'S OUTFIT
LIKE CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.
- OH, WELL, THAT'S TRUE, YEAH.
- WHAT KIND OF WORK DO YOU DO?
- YEAH, YEAH, I'M IN
THE GROCERY LINE.
- OH, SPLENDID, DON'T
YOU THINK WORK IS DIVINE?
- YEAH, DO YOU?
- I DO, I DO.
- UH-HUH.
YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK IT IS?
- WHAT?
- DIVINE.
- ME, TOO.
- YEAH, YEAH. DAPHNE.
- OH, DOBIE, CONSIDER THE GIANTS
OF OUR MODERN CIVILIZATION,
FORD, CARNEGIE, ROCKEFELLER.
WHAT DID THESE
MEN HAVE IN COMMON?
- MONEY?
- OH, MONEY IS ONLY
A SMALL PART OF IT.
WHAT EXCITES ME IS
THAT THEY WERE WORKERS,
MEN OF DRIVE AND AMBITION
AND SOARING IMAGINATION,
VIBRANT, STIMULATING,
FASCINATING MEN.
- YOU'RE REALLY APE
FOR WORK, AREN'T YOU?
- AND WHAT SENSIBLE
PERSON IS NOT?
- YEAH, MM-HMM.
- OH, DOBIE,
YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY TO THAT
SAME LOFTY PINNACLE, TOO.
I CAN TELL.
HERE YOU HAVE A
DAY OFF FROM SCHOOL.
ARE YOU FRITTING AWAY
YOUR TIME SLEEPING?
- NO.
- LOLLING ABOUT, INDULGING
IN TIME WASTING GAMES?
- NO. YOU'RE WORKING,
STRIVING, MOVING AHEAD.
OH, DOBIE, YOU'RE
THE KIND OF MAN
THIS COUNTRY NEEDS.
- DAPHNE.
- DOBIE, IT'S SO WONDERFUL
TO BE NEAR A BOY
WHO'S DYNAMIC AND FORCEFUL,
INSTEAD OF SOME SPINELESS,
UNSALVAGEABLE,
AMBITIONLESS WRECK.
- YOU RANG? BEEP-BOOP.
LIKE, HI, GOOD BUDDY.
TENNIS, ANYONE?
- MAYNARD G. KREBS,
MY FELLOW WORKER.
- WORKER?
- YEAH, I SEE YOU FINISHED
RE-STRINGING THOSE RACKETS
AT THE SPORTING GOODS
SHOP WHERE YOU WORK.
- WORK? DOBE, HAVE YOU
GONE WIG, OR SOMETHING?
- I'D BE GLAD TO HELP
YOU DELIVER THE RACKETS,
BUT I'M STILL BUSY
RUNNING ERRANDS
FOR THE GROCERY STORE
WHERE I'M GAINFULLY EMPLOYED.
- GAINFULLY EMPLOYED?
- YEAH, YEAH, GAINFULLY
EMPLOYED MEANS WORK.
- WORK, WORK?
- DOBIE, WHAT'S GOING ON?
- WELL, NOTHING,
NOTHING, DAPHNE.
- DOBIE, WHERE IS
THIS GROCERY STORE?
- WHAT?
- I WANT TO WATCH YOU AT WORK.
- OH, YEAH. WELL, WELL, YOU SEE,
YOU, UH, IT'S, UH,
YOU CAN'T GET THERE FROM HERE.
- DOBIE, IF YOU PUT
YOUR MIND TO IT,
YOU CAN GET ANYWHERE
FROM ANYWHERE.
NOW, WHERE IS THIS STORE?
- IT'S MY DAD'S PLACE
AND IT'S AT 285 NORWOOD
STREET. GILLIS' GROCERY.
- I'LL BE THERE THIS AFTERNOON.
AND WHEN I ARRIVE, I
EXPECT TO SEE A POWERFUL,
HUMAN DYNAMO,
OPERATING AT FULL STEAM.
- UH-HUH.
- LIKE, WHAT NOW?
- LIKE, I'M IN HOT WATER.
- YEAH, I HEARD OF THE STUFF.
- I MAY HAVE TO GO TO WORK.
- WORK?
- MAYNARD.
WHEN DAPHNE GETS TO
THE STORE THIS AFTERNOON,
SHE'S GOING TO FIND ME
WORKING, A HUMAN DYNAMO.
- YOU'RE GOING TO
WORK IN THE STORE?
- YES, I AM, AND
IT'S ABOUT TIME.
I MEAN, DAD'S NOT
GETTING ANY YOUNGER,
AND IF I CAN EASE
HIS DECLINING YEARS.
- YOU'RE, LIKE, A
REAL HUMAN BEING.
- YEAH.
- SO ARE YOU, MAYNARD.
- THANKS, GOOD BUDDY. WHY?
- BECAUSE YOU'RE
GOING TO HELP ME.
- ME? HELP WORK IN A
STORE? OH, NO, DOBE...
- NOW, MAYNARD, YOU
CAN DO IT, NOW STOP...
- SO THIS IS WORK, HUH?
- RIGHT.
- SO IT AIN'T SO TOUGH.
- NATURALLY, I'M DOING IT ALL.
- OH, YOU'RE OKAY IN
MY BOOK, GOOD BUDDY.
- MAYNARD, GET TO WORK.
- WORK!
- MAYNARD, COME BACK HERE.
- LOOK, START DUSTING.
WHEN DAPHNE GETS HERE,
WE'VE GOT TO LOOK LIKE
WE'RE GETTING A
KICK OUT OF THIS.
- I GOT, LIKE, A BETTER IDEA.
- WHAT?
- LET'S QUIT.
- QUIT?
- GOOD THINKING.
- MAYNARD.
COME BACK.
- DO I, LIKE, GOTTA?
- YOU, LIKE, GOTTA.
- LIKE, WHY?
- BECAUSE WE'RE, LIKE, FRIENDS.
- RIGHT NOW I WISH
WE WAS, LIKE, ENEMIES.
- MAYNARD, I HAVE JUST BEGUN
MY CAMPAIGN TO WIN DAPHNE,
AND THERE'S AN OLD SAYING,
"QUITTERS NEVER WIN
AND WINNERS NEVER QUIT."
- QUITTERS NEVER WIN
AND WINNERS NEVER QUIT.
QUITTERS NEVER WIN
AND WINNERS NEVER QUIT.
IT MUST BE A PRETTY OLD
SAYING, MAN. IT AIN'T GOT NO BEAT.
- LOOK, WHEN DAPHNE WALKS
IN, SHE'S GOING TO THINK
YOU AND I ARE RUNNING
THE HAPPIEST STORE IN TOWN.
- WELL, HERE I AM
READY TO BE GYPPED
BY THE GILLIS
GROCERY STORE AGAIN.
- OH, HELLO, MRS. KINNEY.
- I'M REPORTING THIS
PLACE TO THE POLICE.
- WHAT? WHAT? POLICE?
- WHAT SERVICE.
- HUH?
- WHAT PRICES.
- MRS. KENNY.
WHAT A WAY TO TREAT CUSTOMERS.
- AND WHAT A TIME,
TO, LIKE, CUT OUT.
- MAYNARD.
- AND WHERE'S THAT
SNEAKY FATHER OF YOURS?
WHERE'S THAT SCOUNDREL HIDING?
- OH, HE WENT TO A MEETING
OVER AT THE LEGION HALL.
- AH, WHERE I CAN'T
LAY MY HANDS ON HIM,
THE SNIVELING COWARD.
- UH, WHAT DID HE DO
THIS TIME, MRS. KENNY?
- DID HE, LIKE,
WEIGH THE PEACHES
WITHOUT SHAVING
THE FUZZ OFF FIRST?
- I ORDERED A
DOZEN GREEN APPLES.
AND WHAT DID THAT
THIEVING RASCAL SEND ME?
RED APPLES, AT
GREEN APPLE PRICES.
- MRS. KENNY, YOU GOT A BARGAIN.
- MY COUNCILMAN
WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS.
- MRS. KENNY, THE RED
APPLES ARE MORE EXPENSIVE.
YOU SAVED 14 CENTS.
- JAIL IS TOO GOOD
FOR YOU GILLISES.
- ALL RIGHT, OKAY,
I'LL BE GLAD TO
EXCHANGE THEM FOR YOU.
- WATCH IT, JUNIOR,
DO YOU WANT TO
LOSE SOME FINGERS?
AH, I SAVED 14 CENTS.
- YEAH.
- OH, HO, I TELL YOU,
YOU HAVE TO GET UP
EARLY IN THE MORNING
TO FOOL BLOSSOM KENNY.
- YEAH, YOU BELONG
ON WALL STREET, BLOS...
UH, MRS. KENNY. TELL ME,
WELL, WHAT CAN I DO FOR
YOU TODAY, MRS. KENNY?
- I WANT THIS SIRLOIN GROUND.
- WELL, I CAN'T DO
THAT, MRS. KENNY.
YOU DIDN'T BUY IT FROM US.
- NATURALLY. THE MARKET
OVER ON GROVER STREET
SELLS IT FOR 2 CENTS
A POUND CHEAPER.
- WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU
HAVE THEM GRIND IT?
- AND STAND IN LINE
FOR HALF AN HOUR
IN THAT DRAFTY PLACE? HA!
- HA!
- MAYNARD.
- SHE'S RIGHT, IT'S, LIKE,
SPOOKY OVER THERE.
- MAYNARD THAT'S SILLY. NOW...
- HERE, BOY. GRIND.
- OH, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE,
MRS. KENNY.
- I'LL POSSIBLE YOU, YOU
UNGRATEFUL RASCAL.
I'LL TELL YOUR FATHER THE
WAY YOU TALKED BACK TO ME.
I'LL TELL YOUR
FATHER THE WAY YOU...
- ALL RIGHT, ALL
RIGHT, I'M TRYING TO...
- I'M THE MOST LOYAL, THE
MOST DEVOTED CUSTOMER
THAT EVER WALKING INSIDE THIS...
OH, YOU'RE A NICE BOY, DOBIE,
NOT A BIT LIKE YOUR FATHER.
- CRAZY, CAN I RUN IT,
DOBE? HUH? PLEASE?
- GEE, I DON'T KNOW, MAYNARD.
- I NEVER RAN ONE BEFORE.
I WAS, LIKE, UNDERPRIVILEGED.
- WELL, ALL RIGHT,
MAYNARD, BUT BE CAREFUL.
- MAN, THE CAREFULLEST.
- I NEED SOME SWEET
POTATOES WHILE I'M HERE.
- OH, THIS IS YOUR
LUCKY DAY, MRS. KENNY,
WE'RE RUNNING A SPECIAL ON THEM,
- YOU'RE A NICE BOY.
- AND THEY'RE NOT GREEN.
- MAYNARD, TURN
IT OFF! TURN IT OFF.
TURN IT OFF. MAYNARD, STOP.
- STOP THAT,
OR I'LL STRANGLE YOU
WITH MY BARE HANDS.
- OH, WHAT A CRAZY
PENCIL SHARPENER.
- MAYNARD.
- I'M REPORTING THIS TO
THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY.
- OH, MRS. KENNY, WAIT.
- I'VE GOT FRIENDS
IN HIGH PLACES.
- PLEASE, MRS. KENNY,
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
- IT HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME.
- I'LL TURN THIS MARKET
INTO A BOWLING ALLEY.
- DAPHNE.
- DAPHNE?
- DAPHNE, YEAH.
- LET ME GO, YOU AWFUL BOYS.
- MRS. KENNY, TAKE YOUR CHOICE
OF ANYTHING IN THE FREEZER.
- THE MAYOR WILL
HEAR ABOUT THIS.
- YEAH, TAKE ANY CUT OF
MEAT, IT'S ON THE HOUSE.
- THE GOVERNOR WILL HEAR...
ANYTHING IN THE FREEZER?
- ANYTHING IN THE FREEZER, YES.
- MAYNARD, YOU'RE IN CHARGE.
- LIKE, ME?
- LIKE, YOU.
- OH, I'M, LIKE, DEAD.
- PUTTING IT MILDLY,
I'D SAY THINGS WEREN'T
GOING EXACTLY RIGHT.
I MEAN, DAPHNE WAS
COMING THROUGH THE DOOR.
MRS. KENNY WAS IN THE FREEZER,
AND I WAS IN THE SOUP.
- HI, DOBIE.
- HI, DAPHNE.
- HI, MAYNARD.
- LIKE, HI.
- LET'S GO.
- GO?
I HAVEN'T EVEN HAD
TIME TO SEE THE STORE.
- OH, WELL, THERE'S
NOT MUCH TO SEE,
JUST AN ORDINARY STORE.
- 27 CENTS.
- COME ON, WE'LL TAKE
A WALK IN THE PARK.
- DOBIE, IF YOU'RE WORKING,
HOW CAN YOU JUST WALK
OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY?
- OH, GOOD QUESTION, YEAH.
YEAH, WELL, I CAN LEAVE BECAUSE
I'M NOT WORKING HERE ANYMORE.
I JUST QUIT.
- YOU QUIT?
- YEAH, YEAH, THIS JOB DIDN'T
OFFER ENOUGH CHALLENGE
TO A MAN OF MY ABILITY.
- WHERE DO YOU GO FROM HERE?
- FROM HERE?
- THE NEXT JOB,
THE NEXT RUNG
UPWARD ON THE LADDER.
- WELL, I THOUGHT I'D TAKE
MY TIME AND LOOK AROUND,
YOU KNOW, KIND OF RUN
SOME IDEAS UP THE FLAG POLE
AND SEE IF ANYBODY SALUTES
THEM AND THEN IN A FEW MONTHS.
- WHY WAIT?
- WHAT?
- WELL, MY FATHER COULD
PUT YOU TO WORK RIGHT AWAY.
- YOUR FATHER, WORK, ME?
- ROOT'S SHOE STORE,
YOU'VE HEARD OUR MOTTO,
"PUT YOUR FEET IN OUR HANDS."
- YEAH, I'VE HEARD IT, YEAH.
- OUR STORE'S
JUST UP THE STREET.
YOU COULD START
SELLING SHOES TOMORROW.
- ME SELLING SHOES?
- SELLING SHOES IS
ONLY A BEGINNING.
FROM THERE YOU'LL
WORK YOUR WAY UP,
AND UP, AND UP.
- WITH SHOES, THAT'S
THE ONLY WAY TO GO.
- DADDY'S LOOKING
FOR BRIGHT YOUNG MEN.
SHOW HIM YOU CAN MAKE GOOD,
AND THE FIRST THINK YOU
KNOW, YOU'LL BE A SUPERVISOR.
THEN ASSISTANT MANAGER.
- YEAH.
- THEN MANAGER.
- MM-HM, YEAH.
- THEN A SHOE TYCOON LIKE HE IS.
- HM.
- IN FOOTWEAR CIRCLES,
HE'S KNOW AS THE KING OF
THE 7.98 COMPOSITE SOLE.
- OH, ME, SELLING SHOES?
- I'LL SEE YOU AT 9:00 TOMORROW
MORNING AT THE STORE.
AND AFTER WORK, IF
YOU ARE AS SENSATIONAL
AS I KNOW YOU CAN BE,
WE'LL GO OUT AND
CELEBRATE, JUST THE TWO US.
- NOW YOU'RE TALKING.
- GOODBYE, MY
CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD.
- FAREWELL, MY QUEEN OF HEARTS.
ME SELLING SHOES?
- OH, MAYNARD, I'VE GOT
WORK TO DO. YOU OPEN IT.
- OH, NO, THIS IS YOUR STORE.
- AND YOU'RE MY FRIEND.
- AND YOU'RE, LIKE, MY FRIEND.
- SO...
- SO WE'LL GO DOWN ON
THE SINKING SHIP TOGETHER.
- OKAY, MAYNARD.
I WONDER IF THE FOREIGN LEGION
ACCEPTS 17-YEAR-OLD ENLISTEES?
- THANK YOU, DOBIE.
- MRS. KENNY, ARE ALL THESE...
- I'M GOING TO CALL THE FBI,
I'M GOING TO CALL
THE CITY COUNCIL.
I'M GOING TO CALL ANYBODY
THAT KNOWS ANYTHING.
- WELL, THANK YOU,
MRS. KENNY, TAKE IT ALL.
- OH, THANK YOUR FATHER.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, DOBIE.
- DOBE, WHAT'S YOUR
FATHER GOING TO SAY
WHEN HE FINDS ALL
THAT STUFF MISSING?
- I KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT HE'S GOING TO SAY.
- NO, MAYNARD,
MY MIND'S MADE UP.
I'M DUE AT THE SHOE
STORE IN 15 MINUTES,
AND THAT'S THE
WAY IT'S GOING TO BE.
- BUT A JOB, DOBE,
TAKING A JOB FOR A CHICK.
THAT'S LIKE THE ULTIMATE
SUPREME SACRIFICE.
- ULTIMATE SUPREME SACRIFICE.
- YEAH, I HEARD THEM WORDS IN
A MOVIE I SAW THE OTHER NIGHT...
JUST BEFORE THIS JOKER
TAKES OFF FOR THE MOON
IN A CELLULOID.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S
SATELLITE, MAYNARD.
- YEAH, SATELLITE.
MAN, WHAT A GASSER OF A MOVIE,
"THE MONSTER THAT
DEVOURED CLEVELAND."
- MAYNARD, YOU'VE GOT
AN ENTIRELY MIXED UP IDEA
ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF LABOR.
WHY, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHAT THE WORLD
WOULD BE WITHOUT WORK?
- UNEMPLOYED.
- NOW, LISTEN, EVERY PERSON,
EVERY ANIMAL HAS
A CERTAIN JOB TO DO,
OR EVERYTHING WOULD FALL APART.
NOW, NOW TAKE BEAVERS.
- OH, YOU MEAN WHERE THEY
BUILD THEM LITTLE WOODEN DAMS,
AND LIKE THAT?
- UH, THAT'S RIGHT MAYNARD.
THEY KEEP RIVERS
FROM OVERFLOWING.
- AND BEES.
- NOW, THESE...
- THEY CART THAT POLLEN AROUND,
AND KEEP AMERICA
GREEN AND GOLDEN.
- YEAH, RIGHT,
MAYNARD, RIGHT. NOW...
- AND HORSES.
- HORSES?
- YEAH, THEY GALLOP AROUND
AND KEEP THE RACETRACK
FROM COMING UP EMPTY.
- YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S
NOT WHAT I MEANT.
- YEAH, AND BUTTERFLIES.
THEY KEEP THEM NATURE STUDY CATS
FROM RUNNING AROUND AND
SLAPPING THEIR NETS ON HOLLOW AIR.
AND TAKE BEARS, MAN,
IF THEY WASN'T AROUND
TO MAKE RUGS OUT OF,
BABIES WOULD HAVE TO
HAVE THEIR PICTURES TAKEN
LAYING ON THAT COLD FLOOR.
- NOW...
- OR CHICKENS...
- MAYNARD, LOOK.
- THEY CAN JUST LAY IN
THERE FOR BREAKFAST
WITHOUT NO EGGS
TO KEEP IT COMPANY.
AND PIGS, OH, EGGS
JUST LAYING THERE
WITH NO BACON TO
KEEP IT COMPANY.
- MAYNARD, MAYNARD,
MAYNARD, ENOUGH, ENOUGH!
- AND WHAT ABOUT ALLIGATORS?
IF THERE WAS NO ALLIGATORS...
- FRANKLY, DOBE,
YOU DON'T CREDIT ME FOR, LIKE,
DIGGING THESE BASIC PRECEPTS.
- YEAH, THAT WAS IN
THE SAME MOVIE WITH
"FINAL SUPREME SACRIFICE."
- YEAH, YEAH.
WHAT, OH, SAY, SAY I'VE GOT TO
GET OVER TO THE SHOE STORE.
MY LIFE AS A WORKER
IS ABOUT TO BEGIN.
- SO LONG, GOOD BUDDY.
I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU.
- MORNING, MOMS.
- OH, CHATSWORTH, MUST
YOU BE SO UNSANITARY
THIS EARLY IN THE MORNING?
- I'M SORRY, MOMS.
- OH, YOUR FATHER HAD
THAT SAME NASTY HABIT.
ANOTHER CROQUET BALL, VEDAGLIO.
FORE!
- OH, SMASHING SHOT, MOMS,
BUT BE CAREFUL YOU
DON'T BREAK ANYTHING.
- OH, WHAT DIFFERENCE
DOES IT MAKE?
UNLESS THE BALL TRAVELS
MORE THAN 3 1/2
MILES IN ANY DIRECTION,
WHATEVER WE BREAK IS OURS.
[ CRASH ]
I NEVER DID LIKE UNCLE
HENRY'S POTTING SHED.
- BUT, MOMS, YOU ADORE FLOWERS.
- FLOWERS, INDEED.
HE HASN'T HAD A FLOWER
IN THERE IN 20 YEARS.
- WELL, THEN WHAT
DOES UNCLE HENRY DO
IN HIS POTTING SHED?
- HE GETS POTTED.
- WELL, I SUPPOSE EVERY
FAMILY MUST HAVE A SKELETON
IN THE CLOSET.
- OH, I DON'T MIND HIM
BEING IN THE CLOSET.
WHAT I OBJECT TO IS
WHEN HE GOES DOWN
TO THE CORNER OF 7TH AND MAIN
AND DOES THE TANGO.
- NOT AGAIN.
- WITH A TRAFFIC COP.
WELL, COME ON, BOY,
GET YOURSELF A MALLET,
AND LET'S WHAP A FEW HERE.
- NOT TODAY, MOMS,
I'VE GOT TO GO DOWNTOWN
ON BUSINESS. CHEER-O.
- CHATSWORTH, WHEN
YOU'RE IN TOWN...
- YES, MOMS.
- DON'T MINGLE.
- NO, MOMS.
- HI, DAPHNE.
- OH, DOBIE.
DADDY AND I HAVE
BEEN WAITING FOR YOU.
- OH, I'M SORRY, DAPHNE,
THE BUS WAS LATE.
- NEVER RELY ON
MECHANICAL TRANSPORTATION,
YOUNG MAN. USE THE FEET,
THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE FOR.
- OH, I DO, SIR.
I WOULDN'T THINK OF WALKING
ANYWHERE WITHOUT THEM.
- DADDY, THIS IS DOBIE GILLIS.
- YES.
- THE BOY I WAS
TELLING YOU ABOUT.
- MM-HMM. HOW DO YOU DO, SIR?
- WELL, THE HANDSHAKE
IS RATHER WEEK.
I PRESUME THAT YOUR FEET
ARE IN BETTER CONDITION.
- OH, THEY'RE TIP-TOP,
FOR FEET, THAT IS.
- YEAH, AND SO TO WORK.
NOW, UM, I WON'T
PAY YOU A SALARY,
AND THE COMMISSION IS SMALL.
BUT YOU'VE GOT A
GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO...
- HI-HO THERE, GANG.
- CHATSWORTH.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HERE, CHATSWORTH?
- DAPHNE, MY DEAR,
I COULD SCARCELY SLEEP LAST
NIGHT FOR THINKING OF YOU.
I MEAN, I JUST TOSSED AND TURNED
TILL JUST ALL HOURS IN MY
EXPENSIVE LOUIS XIV BED.
- NEEDING SYMPATHY ISN'T
GOING TO HELP, CHATSWORTH.
I'VE TOLD YOU THE ONLY
KIND OF A BOY I CAN RESPECT
IS ONE WHO IS WILLING
TO PITCH IN AND WORK.
- NAMELY, ME.
- BUT THAT'S PRECISELY
WHY I'M HERE, MY KITTEN.
FOR YOU, I WILL WORK.
IT'S A MADCAP IDEA, ALL RIGHT,
BUT WE OSBORNS ARE
NOTORIOUS DAREDEVILS.
- CHATSWORTH, HOW
MARVELOUS OF YOU.
- YES, ISN'T IT, THOUGH?
- WELL, DAUGHTER, AT LAST,
THE MONEY THAT I SPENT ON BRACES
SO YOUR TEETH COULD
COME IN STRAIGHT
IS COMING HOME TO ROOST.
- WELL, WAIT A MINUTE,
THIS ISN'T FAIR. I
WAS HERE FIRST.
- CHATSWORTH IS
ENTITLED TO A CHANCE, TOO.
- IN SOME CIRCLES
IT'S CALLED SPORTSMANSHIP,
OR DIDN'T YOU KNOW?
- YOU I'M IGNORING.
WELL, ANYHOW, WE STILL
HAVE OUR DATE TONIGHT.
- MM, MAYBE YES AND MAYBE NO.
- WHAT? DAPHNE, YOU PROMISED.
- TONIGHT I'M GOING
OUT WITH THE BOY
WHO SELLS THE MOST SHOES.
- BULLY.
- WELL, WAIT A MINUTE,
WHAT KIND OF A...
- WHAT'S THE
MATTER GILLIS, BABY?
ARE YOU AFRAID OF A
SMIDGEN OF COMPETITION?
- ME AFRAID OF YOU,
CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.?
HA, BRING ON THOSE CUSTOMERS.
- OH, LADIES, WHY, IT'S AN HONOR
TO SERVE TWO SUCH
CHARMING CREATURES.
WILL YOU HAVE A SEAT, PLEASE?
- AREN'T THEY LOVELY?
- THEY'RE JUST WHAT I WANTED,
BUT I CAN'T AFFORD
TO PAY $12.98.
- COULD YOU AFFORD, SAY, $8.98?
- WELL...
- $6.98?
- OH.
- NAME YOUR PRICE.
- $3.98?
- SOLD.
- OH, WONDERFUL.
I'LL HAVE ANOTHER
PAIR FOR MY SISTER NOW.
YOU MUST LOSE MONEY ON
EVERY PAIR OF SHOES YOU SELL.
- OH, TRUE, BUT WE'RE
CLOSED ON SUNDAYS.
- I TOLD THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD
ABOUT YOUR DIVINE BARGAINS.
- AND YOU WERE SO RIGHT.
I'LL TAKE FOUR PAIRS.
- AND I'LL TAKE A FEW MORE PAIRS
FOR MY OTHER SISTER NOW.
- THE MORE THE MERRIER.
WE AIM TO PLEASE.
SO THAT'LL BE $3.98 A PAIR.
- WE'LL BUY A FULL DOZEN
IF YOU'LL MAKE IT $3.00 EVEN.
- IT'S A DEAL.
GOD, MADAM, WHAT
A SHREWD BARGAINER
YOU ARE.
- THERE COMES A TIME
IN EVERY FELLOW'S LIFE
WHEN A LITTLE VOICE
INSIDE HIM YELLS,
"QUIT."
- QUIT?
- SURE, WHY NOT?
- BECAUSE YOU CAN'T.
- OH, MAYNARD, WHAT'S THE USE?
HOW CAN I BEAT CHATSWORTH
WHEN HE KEEPS PAYING
FOR THE SHOES OUT
OF HIS OWN POCKET?
- THAT'S A CRUMMY TRICK.
WHY DON'T YOU GO TELL THE BOSS?
- NO.
- HOW COME?
- WELL, THAT'S SNITCHING,
MAYNARD. I'M NO STOOL PIGEON.
- YEAH, HEY, WHY DON'T YOU
GO TELL CHATSWORTH'S MOTHER?
SHE'D NEVER LET HIM
WORK IN A SHOE STORE.
- I JUST TOLD YOU,
I'M NO STOOL PIGEON.
- YEAH.
- OF COURSE, IF SOME GOOD BUDDY
WENT AND TOLD
CHATSWORTH'S MOTHER,
THAT'D BE DIFFERENT,
WOULDN'T IT?
- SURE, DOBE, THEN YOU WOULDN'T
BE A STOOL PIGEON, WOULD YOU?
- THAT'S RIGHT, MAYNARD. I MEAN,
IF SOME GOOD BUDDY WENT
AND TOLD CHATSWORTH'S MOTHER,
THEN IT WOULDN'T
BE ME, WOULD IT?
- YEAH, I WONDER WHO I CAN GET?
OOH, LET'S SEE. SHH, QUIET,
I'M TRYING TO THINK
WHO I CAN GET.
HMM, LET'S SEE.
WHO'S YOUR GOOD BUDDY?
- OH, YEAH.
[ CRASH ]
- OH, DRAT.
- PSST.
- WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THAT?
- I'M, LIKE, A FELLA.
- WELL, NOT VERY LIKE.
VEDAGLIO, TAKE THIS DERELICT
AROUND TO THE BACK DOOR
AND HAVE THE COOK
GIVE HIM A WARM MEAL.
YOU'LL WORK, OF COURSE.
- WORK?
MRS. OSBORNE, I
DIDN'T COME FOR A MEAL.
I CAME TO TELL YOU
ABOUT CHATSWORTH.
- OH?
- HE'S, LIKE, YOUR SON.
- I KNOW WHO HE IS,
YOU NASTY FELLOW.
WHAT IS IT YOU WANT TO TELL ME?
- HE'S, LIKE, IN TROUBLE.
- OH, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
SCHOOL ISN'T IN SESSION.
- HE'S, LIKE, GOT A JOB.
- GOOD HEAVENS.
- LIKE, SELLING SHOES.
- OH, HOW NASTY.
- YEAH, YOU OUGHT TO SEE HIM
DOWN THERE AT ROOT'S SHOE STORE,
FITTING AND MEASURING,
AND MEASURING AND
FITTING, AND LACING.
- OH, ENOUGH. I
SHALL BE QUITE ILL.
- YEAH, ME TOO.
- OH, VEDAGLIO, BRING THE
CAR AROUND TO THE WEST GATE.
MAKE IT A FAST ONE WITH A SIREN.
GET AROUND TO THE KITCHEN
AND HAVE THE COOK
GIVE YOU A WARM MEAL
AND SOME CLOTHES.
[ SIREN WAILS]
- MADAM, CAN I... MOMS!
- WORK? YOU NASTY BOY.
- OH.
- WHAT POWER.
- YEAH, IT WAS LIKE LIVING
THROUGH ANOTHER SAN
FRANCISCO EARTHQUAKE.
- IT WAS SCARY.
- WELL, WELL, DAPHNE,
I WON, DIDN'T I?
TONIGHT YOU'RE
GOING OUT WITH ME.
- WITH YOU?
- YEAH, WELL,
I DID BETTER ON THE JOB
THAN CHATSWORTH. HE
WILTED IN THE STRETCH.
- WELL, THAT'S TRUE,
BUT, DOBIE, YOU'RE NOT
MUCH OF A SALESMAN,
BUT YOU DO HAVE
STICK-TO-IT-IVENESS.
- YEAH, I'M ONE
OF THE STICKIEST.
- DADDY, DO YOU REALLY THINK
DOBIE HAS A FUTURE
IN THE SHOE BUSINESS?
- DEFINITELY.
- OH.
- AS A SALESMAN?
- A HIGHER LEVEL.
- OH, GEE.
- IF I HAVE MY WAY, HE'LL
CLIMB RIGHT TO THE TOP.
- DOBIE.
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
- SORRY I'M LATE, DAPHNE,
BUT AFTER I FINISHED
UNPACKING THE CRATES
AND DUSTING THE SHELVES,
YOUR FATHER MADE ME
CLEAN OUT THE STOREROOM.
I'M BUSHED.
- YOU'LL LEARN TO
TAKE IT IN YOUR STRIDE.
NOW, WHERE SHALL WE GO TONIGHT?
- TONIGHT? GO?
- THERE'S A DANCE AT THE CIVIC.
- MM-HMM.
- DOBIE?
- I'LL NEVER LOOK AT
ANOTHER SHOE AGAIN.
RIGHTS, LEFTS, LEFTS.
- DOBIE? DOBIE?
- YOU KNOW, WORKING CHAPS
ARE ALL RIGHT IN THE DAYTIME,
BUT AT NIGHT, YOU JUST
CAN'T BEAT US PLAYBOYS.
LET'S GO.
- NIGHT-NIGHT.
- GOOD NIGHT.
- DAPHNE.
- I WANT TO EXPLAIN.
- GEE, I'M SORRY, I
MUST HAVE DOZED OFF.
ARE YOU READY TO
GO TO THE DANCE?
- WELL, TO TELL YOU
THE TRUTH, DOBIE,
I DON'T FEEL MUCH LIKE
DANCING RIGHT NOW.
- REALLY?
- I'M A LITTLE
TIRED. AREN'T YOU?
- YEAH, YEAH.
CONSIDERATE, THAT'S
WHAT YOU ARE, DAPHNE.
GEE, YOU'RE THE MOST
UNDERSTANDING GIRL IN THE WORLD.
- YOU'RE VERY SWEET, TOO, DOBIE.
- YEAH.
- WELL, GOOD NIGHT.
- GOOD NIGHT, DAPHNE.
GOOD NIGHT.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪