The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 1, Episode 14 - The Gaucho - full transcript
Carlos, the suave son of an Argentinian general, boards with the Gillis family and immediately wins the fickle heart of Thalia. Dobie and Maynard plot to sabotage his success.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ DOBIE! ♪
I'M MR. GILLIS'S SON, DOBIE,
AND I WANT TO GO ON
RECORD AS SAYING MR. GILLIS
IS A NICE MAN AS FATHERS GO.
THE THING IS, FATHERS
CAN BE VERY UNREASONABLE.
FOR INSTANCE, I'D LIKE
TO TAKE THALIA MENNINGER
OUT FOR MOONLIGHT RIDES.
HE SAYS I'M TOO
YOUNG TO HAVE A CAR.
I SAY IF YOU'RE OLD
ENOUGH TO PARK,
YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE A CAR.
FATHERS, WHERE DO
THEY PICK UP THESE IDEAS?
MUST BE THE OTHER PARENTS
THEY RUN AROUND WITH.
AND THIS LATEST THING
HE'S COME UP WITH.
HERE I'M TRYING TO
IMPRESS THALIA MENNINGER
AND HE WANTS US
TO TAKE IN A BOARDER.
A BOARDER!
I TRIED TO REASON WITH HIM.
I SAID, DAD, WHAT ABOUT
OUR SOCIAL POSITION?
- SOCIAL POSITION?
WELL, IT COULD BE THAT
THE GROCERS' JUNIOR LEAGUE
WILL ASK ME TO TURN IN MY APRON,
BUT WE'LL JUST HAVE TO
CHIN UP AND MUDDLE THROUGH!
- NOW, HERBERT!
- WHEN I WAS GROWING UP,
WE HAD A BOARDER
AND IT DIDN'T AFFECT
OUR SOCIAL POSITION.
- YEAH, BUT YOU'RE TALKING
ABOUT THE OLDEN DAYS.
- YES, I'M TALKING
ABOUT THE OLDEN DAYS
WHEN THRIFT WAS
CONSIDERED RESPECTABLE
AND EARNING AN HONEST
DOLLAR WAS IN STYLE
AND WHEN SONS WORKED
IN THEIR FATHERS' GROCERY
STORES AFTER SCHOOL!
- HERBERT, YOU PROMISED!
- OH, I'M SORRY,
DID I SAY WORK? FORGIVE ME.
IT JUST SLIPPED OUT.
LISTEN, YOU'VE GOT A
BROTHER, DAVEY, REMEMBER?
AND HE'S AWAY AT COLLEGE
AND HIS ROOM IS EMPTY
AND THERE'S A BED IN IT
AND IT JUST DOESN'T
MAKE SENSE TO ME
NOT TO RENT IT AND GET
THAT LITTLE EXTRA INCOME!
- DOBIE, I THINK
YOUR FATHER'S RIGHT.
- OH, BUT IF THALIA
EVER FOUND OUT...
- WELL, IT SHOULDN'T
COME AS A SHOCK
TO THALIA THAT WE'RE NOT RICH,
OR HAVE YOU CONVINCED
HER THAT I JUST GOT BORED
WITH MY POLO PONIES
AND AM RUNNING THE STORE
AS A HOBBY?
THE FOR RENT SIGN
IS UP AND IT STAYS UP!
- UP? UP WHERE?
- RIGHT THERE IN
THE FRONT WINDOW!
- IN THE WINDOW WHERE
EVERYBODY CAN SEE IT?
- JUST KEEP IT UP, BOY,
AND THERE'LL BE
TWO ROOMS FOR RENT.
- HI, DOBIE.
- HI, THALIA.
JUST THOUGHT I'D REST.
LITTLE TIRED.
- OH, DID YOU RENT THE ROOM YET?
- HUH?
- DID YOU RENT THE ROOM?
- HOW'D YOU KNOW?
- I SAW THE SIGN, SILLY.
I WALKED PAST JUST
A LITTLE WHILE AGO.
- OH. WELL, LET ME EXPLAIN.
- I THINK IT'S A WONDERFUL IDEA.
- YOU DO?
- I REALLY DO.
IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE TO
LET DAVEY'S ROOM GO TO WASTE
WHEN YOU COULD GET
A LITTLE EXTRA MONEY
EVERY MONTH.
- YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S WHY I
TALKED MY FATHER INTO IT.
BELIEVE ME, IT WASN'T EASY.
- WELL, I'M GLAD TO SEE
THAT YOU'RE FINALLY
GETTING AGGRESSIVE.
MONEY IS VERY IMPORTANT.
- YES, I KNOW.
- AND THIS IDEA MIGHT MEAN
A BIGGER ALLOWANCE TOO.
- YEAH, THAT'S THE
WAY I FIGURED IT.
THEN WILL YOU BE MY STEADY GIRL?
- I'LL CONSIDER IT.
- YEAH, WELL, KEEP IN MIND
THAT THIS IS ONLY ONE
OF MY IDEAS, YOU KNOW.
I'VE GOT A LOT OF
SCHEMES TO GET MONEY.
WE MIGHT EVEN BE
ABLE TO GET MARRIED.
- OH, YOU'D HAVE TO BE
ABLE TO AFFORD A CAR.
- WELL, NATURALLY.
- I COULDN'T THINK OF
MARRYING A MAN WITHOUT A CAR.
- WELL, WHERE WOULD YOU
HANG THE JUST MARRIED SIGN?
[ LAUGHTER ]
- BOY, ARE YOU KOOKY.
WELL, I'D BETTER GO.
I'LL CATCH YOU LATER.
- EXCUSE ME. ARE YOU
INTERESTED IN THE ROOM?
- SÍ.
- OH.
WELL, COME ON,
I'LL SHOW IT TO YOU.
IT'S IN OUR HOME UPSTAIRS.
THIS IS MY FATHER'S STORE.
- OH, THE LOCATION
WILL BE PERFECT.
I WILL BE GOING TO
CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL.
- OH? I GO TO CENTRAL.
MY NAME'S DOBIE GILLIS.
- CHARMED, I'M CARLOS ROMERO.
- COME ON.
- TAKE YOUR GRUBBY
LITTLE HANDS OFF THE SIGN.
WE'RE RENTING THAT ROOM!
- WE ALREADY DID.
DAD, MEET OUR NEW
BOARDER, CARLOS ROMERO.
CARLOS, THIS IS MY FATHER.
- I'M MUCH HONORED, SEÑOR.
I WAS LOOKING AT THE SIGN
AND YOUR SON TOOK ME UP
AND SHOWED ME THE ROOM.
I FIND IT MUCHO SATISFACTORY.
- OH, WELL, FINE, FINE.
WE'RE ASKING $10 A WEEK.
- $10? THAT'S MOST REASONABLE.
- SAY, BY THE WAY,
ARE YOU GOING TO BE,
IF YOU AND YOUR MOTHER
WILL PARDON THE EXPRESSION,
WORKING AROUND HERE?
- NO, SEÑOR.
I'LL BE GOING TO
CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL.
YOUR SON TELLS ME
HE STUDIES THERE TOO.
- WELL, HE GOES THERE.
- OH, MOTHER, I'D
LIKE YOU TO MEET
OUR NEW BOARDER, CARLOS ROMERO.
CARLOS, THIS IS MY MOTHER.
- I'M MUCH PLEASURE, SEÑORA.
- HOW DO YOU DO?
- IT IS DIFFICULT TO
BELIEVE THAT ONE SO YOUNG
COULD HAVE A SON DOBIE'S AGE.
- MY, HOW SWEET.
- SIR, I'D LIKE TO PAY
MY RENT IN ADVANCE.
- OH, WE COULDN'T THINK
OF TAKING ANY MONEY.
- YOU KNOW, CARLOS
IS FROM BUENOS AIRES
AND HIS FATHER'S A GENERAL.
- A GENERAL?
- GENERALISSIMO
SEBASTIAN ROMERO.
- YEAH, THAT'S IT.
HE'S HERE AS A MILITARY OBSERVER
FOR THOSE MANEUVERS
THEY'RE HAVING
OUT AT THE ARMY BASE.
- WELL, IT'S AN HONOR TO
HAVE YOU STAYING WITH US.
- THE HONOR IS MINE.
I WAS PLANNING
TO STAY AT A HOTEL.
BUT THEN I THOUGHT MY
FIRST VISIT TO THIS COUNTRY,
WHAT BETTER WAY TO
LEARN ABOUT AMERICA
THAN TO LIVE WITH
AN AMERICAN FAMILY?
- AND HE PICKED US.
- WE WERE THE ONES
WITH THE FOR RENT SIGN.
- IF IT IS ALL RIGHT,
MAY I GET MY BAGS AND
MOVE IN THIS AFTERNOON?
- OF COURSE.
- YEAH, I'LL HELP YOU
AND WE CAN DROP BY THE MALT SHOP
AND MEET SOME OF THE GANG.
- THANK YOU. I WOULD LIKE TO.
HASTA LA VISTA.
I'M SURE MY STAY
WILL BE PLEASANT.
- SEE YOU LATER.
HI, MAYNARD.
- HI. LIKE, WHERE YOU BEEN?
- MAYNARD, I'D LIKE YOU
TO MEET CARLOS ROMERO.
- CRAZY, MAN. FLIP FIVE.
- CARLOS IS GONNA
ROOM AT OUR HOUSE.
- OH, SOLID, DADDY-O.
ANY CAT THAT SHACKS WITH
DOBIE IS LIKE WAY UP THERESVILLE.
- THIS IS HIS FIRST
VISIT TO AMERICA.
- GROOVY. WHAT COUNTRY YOU FROM?
- ARGENTINA. WHAT
COUNTRY ARE YOU FROM?
- WE'RE NOT EVEN
SURE WHAT PLANET.
YOU WANT A SODA?
- ALL RIGHT.
- HEY, HE'S NEW.
- WHERE'S HE BEEN HIDING?
- BOY, IF HE'S ON THE
MENU, THAT'S FOR ME.
- HI, DOBIE.
- OH, HI, THALIA.
I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET
OUR NEW BOARDER.
CARLOS ROMERO, THIS
IS THALIA MENNINGER,
PAMELA KNIGHT, MARYANN HATHAWAY.
- HI.
- CHARMED.
DELIGHTED.
PLEASURE.
- HEY, DIG THIS CAT.
HE THINKS THEY'RE,
LIKE, POPSICLES.
- THE KISSING OF A
LOVELY SEÑORITA'S HAND
IS THE CUSTOM WHERE I
COME FROM, BUENOS AIRES.
- BUENOS AIRES?
WHY, OUR CLASS JUST DID
A REPORT ON ARGENTINA.
- YES. IT WAS DISCOVERED
BY JUAN DIAZ DE SOLIS.
IT HAS A DEMOCRATIC
FORM OF GOVERNMENT
AND VOTING IS COMPULSORY.
- ITS CHIEF EXPORTS
ARE MEAT AND CATTLE.
- THE MONETARY UNIT OF
ARGENTINA IS THE PESO.
5.56 PESOS IS
EQUIVALENT TO $1.00.
- I HEAR IT'S A
BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY.
- SI, MOST BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY.
THE GREEN VALLEYS, THE
PICTURESQUE MOUNTAIN TRAILS,
THE MISIONES RANGE...
- WELL, MISIONES
RANGE IS ALSO NOTED
FOR ITS VAST DEPOSITS
OF SILVER AND GOLD.
- BUENOS AIRES IS UNSURPASSED
IN ITS ARCHITECTURAL BEAUTY.
- IT IS TRUE. THE
HISTORIC CATHEDRALS,
THE CLASSIC ELEGANCE
OF THE COLON THEATER,
THE MAJESTIC PLAZA DE CONGRESO.
- OH, NOT TO MENTION
THE BREATHTAKING BEAUTY
OF ARGENTINA'S
FIRST NATIONAL BANK.
HAVE YOU EVER VISITED THE BANK?
- SÍ, MANY TIMES.
MY FATHER, GENERALISSIMO,
IS ONE OF ITS DIRECTORS.
- BANK DIRECTOR, GENERAL?
OH, HOW NICE.
- CARLOS, WE'D BETTER
GO GET YOUR LUGGAGE.
- WE HAVE NOT EVEN HAD OUR SODA.
- I DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA
CARRYING BAGS ON A FULL STOMACH.
- ADIOS, SEÑORITAS. IT'S
BEEN MUCHO CHARMING.
- SUBSTITUTION, MAYNARD
NOW KISSING FOR CARLOS.
- I'M ALL FINISHED.
I MOPPED THE FLOOR,
POLISHED THE LAMPS,
CHANGED THE SLIPCOVERS
AND WASHED THE WOODWORK.
- GOOD!
- YOU CAN CALL THE
SOCIETY EDITOR NOW
AND TELL HIM TO COME
OVER AND TAKE THE PICTURES.
- OH, NOW, HERBERT,
REMEMBER HE'S A GENERAL'S SON.
AND YOU CAN IMAGINE
WHAT HE'S BEEN USED TO.
- WELL, THIS IS
JUST A SUGGESTION,
BUT WE COULD TAKE
OUT THE BATHTUB
AND PUT IN A WATERFALL.
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
- THAT MUST BE CARLOS NOW.
HERE, I'LL PUT THESE AWAY.
AND WILL YOU ANSWER THE DOOR?
- YEAH, I'LL TELL HIM
IT'S THE MAID'S DAY OFF.
- SIMPSON RUG COMPANY!
- YOU MADE A MISTAKE.
WE DIDN'T ORDER ANY RUGS.
- NOW, LOOK, WILL YOU
SIGN HERE, PLEASE?
- I ORDERED IT. IT'S
FOR CARLOS' ROOM.
- THANK YOU, LADY.
- IT'S A FINE THING.
YOU GET ME TO MOP THE FLOOR
AND THEN BUY A RUG TO HIDE IT.
HOW MUCH DID IT COST?
- $48.
- IT GOES BACK.
- HERBERT...
YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL
THAT WE'VE BEEN TALKING
ABOUT BUYING A RUG
FOR DAVEY'S ROOM.
- BUT DAVEY'S AWAY AT COLLEGE!
- YES, BUT HIS
ROOM IS STILL HERE.
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
OH, THAT MUST BE THEM.
- $48.
- HELLO, DOBIE.
- HI, MOM.
- AND, CARLOS, WELCOME
TO YOUR NEW HOME.
- GRACIAS.
I'LL HELP YOU PUT
YOUR THINGS AWAY.
- THAT IS MOST KIND OF YOU.
- HI, CARLOS.
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
HERBERT, WILL YOU
GET THAT, PLEASE?
- $48.
- GREEN AND BLACKSTONES?
- WINNIE?
YOU GOT THE WRONG ADDRESS!
- HERBERT GILLIS?
- WE MOVED!
WINNIE!
- THAT MUST BE NEW DRAPES.
- NEW DRAPES? LISTEN, WINNIE,
YOU CAN'T... NOW LISTEN, I'M...
- DON'T YOU LOVE THE COLOR?
IT'S A VERY PRETTY GREEN.
- WINIFRED, HOW MUCH
DID YOU PAY FOR THEM?
- I GOT THEM ON SALE.
- HOW MUCH?
- I CHARGED THEM.
- HOW MUCH, WINNIE?
- $18.
- OH.
- A MONTH.
- WHAT?
- $18 A MONTH FOR
ONLY SIX MONTHS.
YOU WON'T EVEN FEEL IT.
- I'M NUMB ALREADY!
- HERBERT, THERE'S NO
REASON TO CARRY ON.
LIKE YOU SAY, WITH
THIS NEW BOARDER,
WE HAVE EXTRA INCOME EVERY WEEK.
- I'M BEGINNING TO
THINK I CAN'T AFFORD
THIS EXTRA INCOME.
THEY'RE GOING RIGHT BACK TO...
BOLT THAT DOOR!
- HELLO, THALIA.
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?
HELLO, MR. GILLIS.
ANYTHING WRONG? YOU
LOOK KIND OF GREEN.
- I'M TRYING TO BLEND
IN WITH THE NEW DRAPES.
- WELL, I HOPE
YOU'RE BETTER SOON.
- THANK YOU.
- OH, I CERTAINLY
ENVY YOU, MRS. GILLIS,
HAVING CARLOS LIVING HERE.
- HE IS CHARMING, ISN'T HE?
- OH, SO POLITE, SO GALLANT.
- YOU NEVER KNEW
RUDOLPH VALENTINO,
DID YOU, DEAR?
- UH, NO.
- RUDOLPH AND CARLOS,
THEY'RE THE SAME TYPE.
- WHY AREN'T AMERICAN
MEN LIKE THAT?
- OH! DOBIE, THALIA'S
HERE TO SEE YOU.
- OH, HI, THALIA.
- HI, DOBIE. BUENOS
DIAS, CARLOS.
- PLEASURE SEEING
YOU AGAIN, THALIA.
- SURE A BIG SURPRISE HAVING
YOU DROP IN ON ME LIKE THIS, THALIA.
- IT'S ALWAYS NICE
TO SEE YOU... DOBIE.
OH, THERE WAS SOMETHING
I WANTED TO ASK YOU.
- OH, EXCUSE ME.
- OH, CARLOS.
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT THERE?
- OH, SOME PICTURES
I WAS SHOWING DOBIE.
THEY ARE OF MY FATHER.
- WHAT WAS IT YOU
WANTED TO ASK ME, THALIA?
- THE GENERALISSIMO?
OH, I'D LOVE TO SEE THEM. MAY I?
- OF COURSE.
- THALIA, WHAT WAS IT
YOU WANTED TO ASK ME?
- OH, MY, IS HE HANDSOME!
YOU LOOK JUST LIKE HIM.
SAME FEATURES, THE
CHIN, NOSE, AND THE EYES.
- I HAVE MY FATHER'S EYES
AND HE HAS 20-20 VISION.
- HERE IS ONE OF MY
FATHER IN HIS UNIFORM.
- OH, LOOK AT ALL THOSE MEDALS.
ARE THEY REAL GOLD?
- SÍ.
- WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE
A PICTURE OF MY FATHER
IN HIS UNIFORM? HE'S A MOOSE.
- OH, I SURE WOULD LIKE TO
MEET THE GENERALISSIMO.
- THALIA? THALIA?
- OH, HI, DOBIE.
- HI.
WHAT WAS IT YOU
WANTED TO ASK ME?
- WHAT?
- ASK ME? YOU KNOW,
YOU CAME HERE?
- OH, OH, YES, YES.
ABOUT TONIGHT.
- YEAH.
- WOULD YOU LIKE
IT IF WE WENT OUT?
- OH, I SURE WOULD.
- WE COULD MAKE IT A FOURSOME
AND SHOW CARLOS OUR...
- YEAH. SAY, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
SAY, I WONDER WHO
WE OUGHT TO GET,
PAMELA, MARYANN?
- OH, WELL, YOU CAN
BRING ANYONE YOU LIKE.
I'M SURE IT'LL BE
ALL RIGHT WITH US.
- YOU SHOULDN'T TAKE THIS,
LIKE, SITTING DOWN, DOBE.
- DON'T WORRY. I WON'T.
- THEN GET YOURSELF A
CHICK FOR A FOURSOME
AND YOU NEED TO
KEEP YOUR EYE ON THEM.
- DO YOU THINK I'D
BRING ANOTHER GIRL
WHEN HE'S GOT MY GIRL?
THERE'S SUCH A
THING AS MY PRIDE!
BESIDES, I CALLED FIVE
GIRLS AND THEY ALL SAID
THEY WERE BUSY.
- BET THEY WOULDN'T
BE BUSY IF YOU WERE
THAT CARLOS CHARACTER.
- YEAH, THEY SURE
FLIPPED FOR HIM.
- IT'S THAT SMOOCHING BIT.
I GUESS IF YOU WANT A GIRL
EATING OUT OF YOUR HAND,
YOU GOTTA, LIKE, NIBBLE ON HERS.
- YEAH, LATIN AMERICAN CASANOVA.
- HEY, MAYBE WHEN HE
GOES BACK TO TAKE A SIESTA,
WE CAN, LIKE, WORK HIM
OVER AND UGLY HIM UP.
- MAYNARD, WE GOTTA
THINK OF SOME WAY
TO BREAK THIS
THING UP WITH THALIA.
NOW THINK AND TRY
TO CONCENTRATE.
- YEAH, CONCENTRATE.
- THERE MUST BE SOME WAY
TO CROSS UP THIS CARLOS.
HE'S GOTTA HAVE SOME WEAKNESS.
- YEAH, WELL, I
KNOW ONE WEAKNESS.
HE AIN'T HEP TO
THE KING'S ENGLISH,
ASKING ME WHAT
COUNTRY I COME FROM.
- WELL, IT'S HIS FIRST
TIME IN AMERICA.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
ENGLISH!
HE DOESN'T KNOW THE
LANGUAGE TOO WELL
AND TONIGHT HE'LL BE GOING OUT
ON HIS FIRST DATE
WITH AN AMERICAN GIRL.
MAYNARD, I THINK IT'S
ONLY FITTING AND PROPER
THAT WE HELP HIM.
- HELP HIM?
- YEAH!
- LET ME WRITE THESE WORDS
DOWN SO I DON'T FORGET THEM.
- GOOD IDEA, CARLOS.
- IT'S SO NICE OF YOU
TO HELP ME THIS WAY.
- WELL, AFTER ALL,
IT'S YOUR FIRST TIME OUT
WITH AN AMERICAN GIRL
AND YOU DON'T KNOW A LOT
OF THE EXPRESSIONS WE USE.
- YEAH, LIKE THESE
LITTLE PET NAMES
WE'VE BEEN GIVING YOU.
- YEAH, THINGS A GIRL
LIKES TO HEAR FROM A FELLA.
- OH, WE ALMOST FORGOT
A REAL TENDER ONE, CREEP.
- CREEP?
- CREEP.
THAT'S ONE THAT REALLY
GETS THEM RIGHT HERE.
- K-R-E-E-P.
- KREEP.
- AND HERE'S A GOOD ONE, CARLOS.
TUBBY.
- TUBBY.
- TUBBY.
- HEY, DOBIE, REMEMBER
HOW THAT GIRL
WENT FOR YOU WHEN
YOU WERE IN THE CANOE
OUT IN THE MOONLIGHT AND
YOU CALLED HER JUGHEAD?
- JUGHEAD?
- JUGHEAD, YEAH.
YOU KNOW, WINE COMES IN A JUG.
- YEAH, LIKE, RARE WINE.
AND WHEN YOU SAY
THAT TO A GIRL, IT MEANS...
- TO YOU, SHE'S INTOXICATING.
- JUGHEAD.
- AND IF YOU SAY, "YOU'RE
STRICTLY FOR THE BIRDS..."
- OH, THAT'S, LIKE,
A REAL COMPLIMENT.
- UH-HUH. YEAH.
- STRICTLY FOR THE BIRDS.
- YEAH. YOU KNOW,
BIRDS, LOVEBIRDS,
LIKE BILLING AND COOING.
- I'D BETTER GET READY NOW.
- WAIT. AND THIS IS VERY
IMPORTANT, CARLOS.
A FELLA NEVER OFFERS
TO PAY A CHECK FOR A GIRL.
SHE HAS TO PAY HER OWN SHARE.
- OH? THAT IS VERY STRANGE.
- IF YOU PAY FOR A GIRL,
WHAT ARE PEOPLE GONNA THINK?
CARLOS, YOU KNOW.
- IT ISN'T CRICKET.
- WELL, I HAVE TO MEET
THALIA AT THE MALT SHOP.
BUT WITH ALL THIS HELP
YOU HAVE GIVEN ME,
LIKE YOU SAY, I SHOULD FLIP HER.
- AND THERE'S A WONDERFUL
MOVIE AT THE BIJOU,
"THE MONSTER THAT
DEVOURED CLEVELAND."
WE COULD SEE THAT
AND THEN WE COULD... OH,
YOU'VE NEVER SEEN OUR PARK.
I COULD TAKE YOU
TO THAT AND THEN
WE COULD COME
BACK HERE FOR A SODA.
THERE ARE JUST LOTS
OF THINGS TO... CARLOS,
WHY ARE YOU STARING
AT ME LIKE THAT?
- TELL ME, HAS ANYBODY
EVER CALLED YOU JUGHEAD?
- JUGHEAD?
- FORGIVE ME, TUBBY.
IT JUST SLIPPED OUT.
- TUBBY?
- WE LATIN AMERICANS,
IT IS OUR WAY.
WHEN WE FEEL SOMETHING,
WE COME RIGHT OUT AND SAY IT.
- THAT'LL BE 20 CENTS, PLEASE.
- HERE'S MY 10 CENTS.
- HERE'S MY 10 CENTS.
- THALIA?
- WELL, YOU READY,
CREEP? SHALL WE LEAVE?
- CREEP, JUGHEAD, TUBBY.
- I SHOULD NOT
CALL YOU LIKE THAT?
- OH, WITH THAT CUTE
ACCENT OF YOURS,
YOU COULD CALL ME ANYTHING
JUST AS LONG AS
YOU KEEP CALLING.
BUT ABOUT THAT CHECK, CARLOS.
THAT WASN'T VERY NICE.
- NOT VERY NICE?
- NO. I'M SHOWING YOU
AROUND. YOU'RE MY GUEST.
YOU SHOULD HAVE LET
ME PAY THE WHOLE THING.
- YOU'RE A REAL SLOB.
LET US GO.
I HAVE A FEELING THIS WILL
BE A VERY CRUMMY EVENING.
- HOW ABOUT THAT?
SHE, LIKE, LIKED IT.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW?
- I DON'T KNOW.
HOW CAN YOU FIGHT A GUY
WITH AN ACCENT LIKE THAT?
COMES HERE FROM SOUTH
AMERICA AND TAKES OVER.
HE COULD HAVE ANY GIRL HE WANTS.
IF I WERE IN HIS COUNTRY,
THINGS WOULD BE DIFFERENT.
I'D BE THE ONE WITH THE ACCENT.
IF MY FATHER WAS A
GENERAL AND WAS RICH,
THINGS WOULD BE THE
OTHER WAY AROUND.
- HEY, THAT ONE WITH CARLOS.
HE'S NEW AROUND HERE.
- SÍ. HE LOOKS LIKE
AMERICANO MUCHACHO.
- OH, CHA-CHA-CHA.
- BUENAS NOCHES, SEÑORITAS.
- BUENAS NOCHES, CARLOS.
- I WOULD LIKE YOU TO MEET
MY NEW BOARDER, DOBIE GILLIS.
DOBIE, THIS IS MARYANNITA,
PAMELITA AND THALIAITA.
- OH!
- OH, GRACIAS!
- OLÉ!
- OH!
- IT'S THE CUSTOM
WHERE I COME FROM.
I'M FROM THE UNITED STATES.
OH!
OLÉ!
- YANKEE, DON'T GO HOME.
- DON'T WORRY. I WON'T.
- OH, THAT KISS! IT
IS LIKE A KISS OF FIRE.
IT SETS MY HEART AFLAME!
- DIG THAT LOCO AMERICANO.
HE'S LIKE A WALKING HOT TAMALE!
- OH, KISS ME AGAIN.
- WELL, YOU'LL HAVE TO
MAKE AN APPOINTMENT.
LET'S SEE NOW.
I CAN SEE YOU FOR A KISS
A WEEK FROM NOW, YEAH.
BE HERE AT 3:00 ALL PUCKERED UP.
- OH, YOU HAVE
THE CUTEST ACCENT.
HE DOES NOT SAY
KEES, HE SAY KISS.
SAY IT AGAIN.
- KISS!
- I DON'T MIND IF I DO.
- DIG THIS HOT TAMALE.
NOW HE'S ON THE FLIP SIDE.
- OH, MY FATHER.
HELLO, GENERAL FATHER.
- YOUR FATHER IS GENERALISSIMO?
OH, AND SO HANDSOME.
OH, AND YOU LOOK JUST LIKE HIM.
YOU HAVE HIS NOSE,
HIS CHIN, HIS EYES.
- AND WHEN HE KICKS
OFF, I'LL HAVE HIS MONEY.
- OH, YOU'VE GOT
SUCH A CUTE ACCENT.
YOU DO NOT SAY
MOONEY, YOU SAY MONEY.
SAY IT AGAIN.
- MONEY.
- I'M GLAD YOU'RE BACK, DOBE.
BEEN, LIKE, OUT OF THIS WORLD.
- YEAH, MAYNARD, I'VE
BEEN OUT OF THIS WORLD.
- OH. DID YOU SEE
ANYBODY I KNOW?
- SON, IS THIS WHERE YOU
COME TO THINK THINGS OUT
WHEN SOMETHING BUGS YOU?
- YEAH, DAD.
- MIND IF I JOIN YOU?
- NO. GO RIGHT AHEAD.
- $48 FOR A NEW RUG,
$108 FOR DRAPES.
NOW SHE WANTS TO
WALLPAPER HIS ROOM.
SAYS THAT NEW WALLPAPER
WILL MAKE THE ROOM LOOK LARGER.
PERSONALLY, IT'D LOOK
A LOT LARGER TO ME
WITHOUT HIM IN IT.
AS IF THIS SPENDING
SPREE WASN'T ENOUGH,
NOW SHE'S ON AN ETIQUETTE KICK.
CARLOS GETS UP WHEN
SHE COMES INTO A ROOM,
I GOT TO GET UP WHEN
SHE COMES INTO A ROOM.
CARLOS WEARS A
COAT AND TIE TO DINNER,
I GOT TO WEAR A COAT
AND TIE TO DINNER.
EVERYTHING'S GETTING SO FANCY.
NEXT THING, SHE'LL WANT
ME TO STARCH MY APRON.
NO DOUBT ABOUT IT, SON.
OUR GOOD NEIGHBOR FROM THE SOUTH
HAS GOT TO GO... SOUTH.
- WELL, THERE'S
NOTHING WE CAN DO, DAD,
ESPECIALLY WITH THE
WAY MOM FEELS ABOUT HIM.
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
AND THIS AFTERNOON, HE'S
BRINGING HIS FATHER OVER.
ONCE THE GENERALISSIMO
STARTS KISSING
YOUR MOTHER'S HAND,
YOU'LL NEVER GET RID OF CARLOS
AND I'LL NEVER GET RID
OF THE GENERALISSIMO.
- YES, PAPA, IT'S
THE GILLIS STORE.
[ SPEAKING SPANISH ]
- TUBBY.
- TUBBY.
- STRICTLY FOR THE BIRDS.
- STRICTLY FOR THE BIRDS.
STRICTLY FOR THE BIRDS.
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
- THAT MUST BE CARLOS
WITH HIS FATHER.
OH, I HOPE HE
APPROVES OF OUR HOME.
- FATHER, MAY I
PRESENT MRS. GILLIS?
- I AM VERY HONORED,
GENERALISSIMO.
- AND THIS IS DOBIE GILLIS.
- HOW DO YOU DO?
- MY FATHER HAS AN APPOINTMENT
AND CAN ONLY STAY A MINUTE.
BUT I WANTED HIM TO MEET
YOU AND TO SEE WHERE I'M LIVING.
- OH, HOW NICE.
- SO, THIS IS MY SON'S LODGINGS.
STRICTLY FOR THE BIRDS.
WELL, IF YOU DON'T MIND, CREEP,
I'LL GO AND SEE MY SON'S ROOM.
- DID YOU HEAR
WHAT HE CALLED ME?
- YEAH, MOM, HE
CALLED YOU A CREEP.
- CREEP?
AND DID YOU HEAR WHAT
HE SAID ABOUT OUR HOUSE?
- YEAH, HE THINKS IT'S
STRICTLY FOR THE BIRDS.
- WELL...
- I'VE SEEN MY SON'S ROOM.
CRUMMY.
YOUR WHOLE HOUSE IS CRUMMY
AND YOU, YOU ARE VERY CRUMMY.
WELL, I MUST BE GOING.
ADIOS, JERK.
- ADIOS.
- GOODBYE, BLUBBER.
- CREEP? BLUBBER?
- JERK.
- JERK? WELL,
IF THAT'S THE WAY HE FEELS
ABOUT OUR HOME AND ABOUT US,
THEN I DON'T WANT HIS
SON STAYING HERE ANYMORE!
AND THE SOONER HE GETS
HIS THINGS OUT, THE BETTER!
- YOU'RE RIGHT, MOM.
I'LL GO TELL CARLOS
AND I HAVE A FEW THINGS
TO SAY TO HIS FATHER TOO!
- NOW, DOBIE, DON'T
LOSE YOUR TEMPER
AND HIT HIM!
- HIT HIM? I COULD KISS HIM.
- AND YOU SHOULD
HAVE SEEN MOM'S FACE
WHEN HE CALLED HER BLUBBER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
- WHAT DID YOU TELL
CARLOS AND HIS FATHER?
- WELL, I JUST TOLD THEM
DAVEY WAS COMING
BACK FROM COLLEGE
AND WE NEEDED THE ROOM.
YES, SIR, I'VE REALLY BEEN
USING MY HEAD LATELY
AND I THINK I DESERVE
SOME KIND OF REWARD.
DAD, I'D LIKE TO TELL THALIA
THAT YOU RAISED MY ALLOWANCE.
- WELL, YOU CAN
TELL THALIA THAT, SON.
- AW, GEE, THANKS, DAD.
- WHAT DO I CARE
IF YOU LIE TO HER?
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ DOBIE! ♪
I'M MR. GILLIS'S SON, DOBIE,
AND I WANT TO GO ON
RECORD AS SAYING MR. GILLIS
IS A NICE MAN AS FATHERS GO.
THE THING IS, FATHERS
CAN BE VERY UNREASONABLE.
FOR INSTANCE, I'D LIKE
TO TAKE THALIA MENNINGER
OUT FOR MOONLIGHT RIDES.
HE SAYS I'M TOO
YOUNG TO HAVE A CAR.
I SAY IF YOU'RE OLD
ENOUGH TO PARK,
YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE A CAR.
FATHERS, WHERE DO
THEY PICK UP THESE IDEAS?
MUST BE THE OTHER PARENTS
THEY RUN AROUND WITH.
AND THIS LATEST THING
HE'S COME UP WITH.
HERE I'M TRYING TO
IMPRESS THALIA MENNINGER
AND HE WANTS US
TO TAKE IN A BOARDER.
A BOARDER!
I TRIED TO REASON WITH HIM.
I SAID, DAD, WHAT ABOUT
OUR SOCIAL POSITION?
- SOCIAL POSITION?
WELL, IT COULD BE THAT
THE GROCERS' JUNIOR LEAGUE
WILL ASK ME TO TURN IN MY APRON,
BUT WE'LL JUST HAVE TO
CHIN UP AND MUDDLE THROUGH!
- NOW, HERBERT!
- WHEN I WAS GROWING UP,
WE HAD A BOARDER
AND IT DIDN'T AFFECT
OUR SOCIAL POSITION.
- YEAH, BUT YOU'RE TALKING
ABOUT THE OLDEN DAYS.
- YES, I'M TALKING
ABOUT THE OLDEN DAYS
WHEN THRIFT WAS
CONSIDERED RESPECTABLE
AND EARNING AN HONEST
DOLLAR WAS IN STYLE
AND WHEN SONS WORKED
IN THEIR FATHERS' GROCERY
STORES AFTER SCHOOL!
- HERBERT, YOU PROMISED!
- OH, I'M SORRY,
DID I SAY WORK? FORGIVE ME.
IT JUST SLIPPED OUT.
LISTEN, YOU'VE GOT A
BROTHER, DAVEY, REMEMBER?
AND HE'S AWAY AT COLLEGE
AND HIS ROOM IS EMPTY
AND THERE'S A BED IN IT
AND IT JUST DOESN'T
MAKE SENSE TO ME
NOT TO RENT IT AND GET
THAT LITTLE EXTRA INCOME!
- DOBIE, I THINK
YOUR FATHER'S RIGHT.
- OH, BUT IF THALIA
EVER FOUND OUT...
- WELL, IT SHOULDN'T
COME AS A SHOCK
TO THALIA THAT WE'RE NOT RICH,
OR HAVE YOU CONVINCED
HER THAT I JUST GOT BORED
WITH MY POLO PONIES
AND AM RUNNING THE STORE
AS A HOBBY?
THE FOR RENT SIGN
IS UP AND IT STAYS UP!
- UP? UP WHERE?
- RIGHT THERE IN
THE FRONT WINDOW!
- IN THE WINDOW WHERE
EVERYBODY CAN SEE IT?
- JUST KEEP IT UP, BOY,
AND THERE'LL BE
TWO ROOMS FOR RENT.
- HI, DOBIE.
- HI, THALIA.
JUST THOUGHT I'D REST.
LITTLE TIRED.
- OH, DID YOU RENT THE ROOM YET?
- HUH?
- DID YOU RENT THE ROOM?
- HOW'D YOU KNOW?
- I SAW THE SIGN, SILLY.
I WALKED PAST JUST
A LITTLE WHILE AGO.
- OH. WELL, LET ME EXPLAIN.
- I THINK IT'S A WONDERFUL IDEA.
- YOU DO?
- I REALLY DO.
IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE TO
LET DAVEY'S ROOM GO TO WASTE
WHEN YOU COULD GET
A LITTLE EXTRA MONEY
EVERY MONTH.
- YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S WHY I
TALKED MY FATHER INTO IT.
BELIEVE ME, IT WASN'T EASY.
- WELL, I'M GLAD TO SEE
THAT YOU'RE FINALLY
GETTING AGGRESSIVE.
MONEY IS VERY IMPORTANT.
- YES, I KNOW.
- AND THIS IDEA MIGHT MEAN
A BIGGER ALLOWANCE TOO.
- YEAH, THAT'S THE
WAY I FIGURED IT.
THEN WILL YOU BE MY STEADY GIRL?
- I'LL CONSIDER IT.
- YEAH, WELL, KEEP IN MIND
THAT THIS IS ONLY ONE
OF MY IDEAS, YOU KNOW.
I'VE GOT A LOT OF
SCHEMES TO GET MONEY.
WE MIGHT EVEN BE
ABLE TO GET MARRIED.
- OH, YOU'D HAVE TO BE
ABLE TO AFFORD A CAR.
- WELL, NATURALLY.
- I COULDN'T THINK OF
MARRYING A MAN WITHOUT A CAR.
- WELL, WHERE WOULD YOU
HANG THE JUST MARRIED SIGN?
[ LAUGHTER ]
- BOY, ARE YOU KOOKY.
WELL, I'D BETTER GO.
I'LL CATCH YOU LATER.
- EXCUSE ME. ARE YOU
INTERESTED IN THE ROOM?
- SÍ.
- OH.
WELL, COME ON,
I'LL SHOW IT TO YOU.
IT'S IN OUR HOME UPSTAIRS.
THIS IS MY FATHER'S STORE.
- OH, THE LOCATION
WILL BE PERFECT.
I WILL BE GOING TO
CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL.
- OH? I GO TO CENTRAL.
MY NAME'S DOBIE GILLIS.
- CHARMED, I'M CARLOS ROMERO.
- COME ON.
- TAKE YOUR GRUBBY
LITTLE HANDS OFF THE SIGN.
WE'RE RENTING THAT ROOM!
- WE ALREADY DID.
DAD, MEET OUR NEW
BOARDER, CARLOS ROMERO.
CARLOS, THIS IS MY FATHER.
- I'M MUCH HONORED, SEÑOR.
I WAS LOOKING AT THE SIGN
AND YOUR SON TOOK ME UP
AND SHOWED ME THE ROOM.
I FIND IT MUCHO SATISFACTORY.
- OH, WELL, FINE, FINE.
WE'RE ASKING $10 A WEEK.
- $10? THAT'S MOST REASONABLE.
- SAY, BY THE WAY,
ARE YOU GOING TO BE,
IF YOU AND YOUR MOTHER
WILL PARDON THE EXPRESSION,
WORKING AROUND HERE?
- NO, SEÑOR.
I'LL BE GOING TO
CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL.
YOUR SON TELLS ME
HE STUDIES THERE TOO.
- WELL, HE GOES THERE.
- OH, MOTHER, I'D
LIKE YOU TO MEET
OUR NEW BOARDER, CARLOS ROMERO.
CARLOS, THIS IS MY MOTHER.
- I'M MUCH PLEASURE, SEÑORA.
- HOW DO YOU DO?
- IT IS DIFFICULT TO
BELIEVE THAT ONE SO YOUNG
COULD HAVE A SON DOBIE'S AGE.
- MY, HOW SWEET.
- SIR, I'D LIKE TO PAY
MY RENT IN ADVANCE.
- OH, WE COULDN'T THINK
OF TAKING ANY MONEY.
- YOU KNOW, CARLOS
IS FROM BUENOS AIRES
AND HIS FATHER'S A GENERAL.
- A GENERAL?
- GENERALISSIMO
SEBASTIAN ROMERO.
- YEAH, THAT'S IT.
HE'S HERE AS A MILITARY OBSERVER
FOR THOSE MANEUVERS
THEY'RE HAVING
OUT AT THE ARMY BASE.
- WELL, IT'S AN HONOR TO
HAVE YOU STAYING WITH US.
- THE HONOR IS MINE.
I WAS PLANNING
TO STAY AT A HOTEL.
BUT THEN I THOUGHT MY
FIRST VISIT TO THIS COUNTRY,
WHAT BETTER WAY TO
LEARN ABOUT AMERICA
THAN TO LIVE WITH
AN AMERICAN FAMILY?
- AND HE PICKED US.
- WE WERE THE ONES
WITH THE FOR RENT SIGN.
- IF IT IS ALL RIGHT,
MAY I GET MY BAGS AND
MOVE IN THIS AFTERNOON?
- OF COURSE.
- YEAH, I'LL HELP YOU
AND WE CAN DROP BY THE MALT SHOP
AND MEET SOME OF THE GANG.
- THANK YOU. I WOULD LIKE TO.
HASTA LA VISTA.
I'M SURE MY STAY
WILL BE PLEASANT.
- SEE YOU LATER.
HI, MAYNARD.
- HI. LIKE, WHERE YOU BEEN?
- MAYNARD, I'D LIKE YOU
TO MEET CARLOS ROMERO.
- CRAZY, MAN. FLIP FIVE.
- CARLOS IS GONNA
ROOM AT OUR HOUSE.
- OH, SOLID, DADDY-O.
ANY CAT THAT SHACKS WITH
DOBIE IS LIKE WAY UP THERESVILLE.
- THIS IS HIS FIRST
VISIT TO AMERICA.
- GROOVY. WHAT COUNTRY YOU FROM?
- ARGENTINA. WHAT
COUNTRY ARE YOU FROM?
- WE'RE NOT EVEN
SURE WHAT PLANET.
YOU WANT A SODA?
- ALL RIGHT.
- HEY, HE'S NEW.
- WHERE'S HE BEEN HIDING?
- BOY, IF HE'S ON THE
MENU, THAT'S FOR ME.
- HI, DOBIE.
- OH, HI, THALIA.
I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET
OUR NEW BOARDER.
CARLOS ROMERO, THIS
IS THALIA MENNINGER,
PAMELA KNIGHT, MARYANN HATHAWAY.
- HI.
- CHARMED.
DELIGHTED.
PLEASURE.
- HEY, DIG THIS CAT.
HE THINKS THEY'RE,
LIKE, POPSICLES.
- THE KISSING OF A
LOVELY SEÑORITA'S HAND
IS THE CUSTOM WHERE I
COME FROM, BUENOS AIRES.
- BUENOS AIRES?
WHY, OUR CLASS JUST DID
A REPORT ON ARGENTINA.
- YES. IT WAS DISCOVERED
BY JUAN DIAZ DE SOLIS.
IT HAS A DEMOCRATIC
FORM OF GOVERNMENT
AND VOTING IS COMPULSORY.
- ITS CHIEF EXPORTS
ARE MEAT AND CATTLE.
- THE MONETARY UNIT OF
ARGENTINA IS THE PESO.
5.56 PESOS IS
EQUIVALENT TO $1.00.
- I HEAR IT'S A
BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY.
- SI, MOST BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY.
THE GREEN VALLEYS, THE
PICTURESQUE MOUNTAIN TRAILS,
THE MISIONES RANGE...
- WELL, MISIONES
RANGE IS ALSO NOTED
FOR ITS VAST DEPOSITS
OF SILVER AND GOLD.
- BUENOS AIRES IS UNSURPASSED
IN ITS ARCHITECTURAL BEAUTY.
- IT IS TRUE. THE
HISTORIC CATHEDRALS,
THE CLASSIC ELEGANCE
OF THE COLON THEATER,
THE MAJESTIC PLAZA DE CONGRESO.
- OH, NOT TO MENTION
THE BREATHTAKING BEAUTY
OF ARGENTINA'S
FIRST NATIONAL BANK.
HAVE YOU EVER VISITED THE BANK?
- SÍ, MANY TIMES.
MY FATHER, GENERALISSIMO,
IS ONE OF ITS DIRECTORS.
- BANK DIRECTOR, GENERAL?
OH, HOW NICE.
- CARLOS, WE'D BETTER
GO GET YOUR LUGGAGE.
- WE HAVE NOT EVEN HAD OUR SODA.
- I DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA
CARRYING BAGS ON A FULL STOMACH.
- ADIOS, SEÑORITAS. IT'S
BEEN MUCHO CHARMING.
- SUBSTITUTION, MAYNARD
NOW KISSING FOR CARLOS.
- I'M ALL FINISHED.
I MOPPED THE FLOOR,
POLISHED THE LAMPS,
CHANGED THE SLIPCOVERS
AND WASHED THE WOODWORK.
- GOOD!
- YOU CAN CALL THE
SOCIETY EDITOR NOW
AND TELL HIM TO COME
OVER AND TAKE THE PICTURES.
- OH, NOW, HERBERT,
REMEMBER HE'S A GENERAL'S SON.
AND YOU CAN IMAGINE
WHAT HE'S BEEN USED TO.
- WELL, THIS IS
JUST A SUGGESTION,
BUT WE COULD TAKE
OUT THE BATHTUB
AND PUT IN A WATERFALL.
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
- THAT MUST BE CARLOS NOW.
HERE, I'LL PUT THESE AWAY.
AND WILL YOU ANSWER THE DOOR?
- YEAH, I'LL TELL HIM
IT'S THE MAID'S DAY OFF.
- SIMPSON RUG COMPANY!
- YOU MADE A MISTAKE.
WE DIDN'T ORDER ANY RUGS.
- NOW, LOOK, WILL YOU
SIGN HERE, PLEASE?
- I ORDERED IT. IT'S
FOR CARLOS' ROOM.
- THANK YOU, LADY.
- IT'S A FINE THING.
YOU GET ME TO MOP THE FLOOR
AND THEN BUY A RUG TO HIDE IT.
HOW MUCH DID IT COST?
- $48.
- IT GOES BACK.
- HERBERT...
YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL
THAT WE'VE BEEN TALKING
ABOUT BUYING A RUG
FOR DAVEY'S ROOM.
- BUT DAVEY'S AWAY AT COLLEGE!
- YES, BUT HIS
ROOM IS STILL HERE.
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
OH, THAT MUST BE THEM.
- $48.
- HELLO, DOBIE.
- HI, MOM.
- AND, CARLOS, WELCOME
TO YOUR NEW HOME.
- GRACIAS.
I'LL HELP YOU PUT
YOUR THINGS AWAY.
- THAT IS MOST KIND OF YOU.
- HI, CARLOS.
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
HERBERT, WILL YOU
GET THAT, PLEASE?
- $48.
- GREEN AND BLACKSTONES?
- WINNIE?
YOU GOT THE WRONG ADDRESS!
- HERBERT GILLIS?
- WE MOVED!
WINNIE!
- THAT MUST BE NEW DRAPES.
- NEW DRAPES? LISTEN, WINNIE,
YOU CAN'T... NOW LISTEN, I'M...
- DON'T YOU LOVE THE COLOR?
IT'S A VERY PRETTY GREEN.
- WINIFRED, HOW MUCH
DID YOU PAY FOR THEM?
- I GOT THEM ON SALE.
- HOW MUCH?
- I CHARGED THEM.
- HOW MUCH, WINNIE?
- $18.
- OH.
- A MONTH.
- WHAT?
- $18 A MONTH FOR
ONLY SIX MONTHS.
YOU WON'T EVEN FEEL IT.
- I'M NUMB ALREADY!
- HERBERT, THERE'S NO
REASON TO CARRY ON.
LIKE YOU SAY, WITH
THIS NEW BOARDER,
WE HAVE EXTRA INCOME EVERY WEEK.
- I'M BEGINNING TO
THINK I CAN'T AFFORD
THIS EXTRA INCOME.
THEY'RE GOING RIGHT BACK TO...
BOLT THAT DOOR!
- HELLO, THALIA.
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?
HELLO, MR. GILLIS.
ANYTHING WRONG? YOU
LOOK KIND OF GREEN.
- I'M TRYING TO BLEND
IN WITH THE NEW DRAPES.
- WELL, I HOPE
YOU'RE BETTER SOON.
- THANK YOU.
- OH, I CERTAINLY
ENVY YOU, MRS. GILLIS,
HAVING CARLOS LIVING HERE.
- HE IS CHARMING, ISN'T HE?
- OH, SO POLITE, SO GALLANT.
- YOU NEVER KNEW
RUDOLPH VALENTINO,
DID YOU, DEAR?
- UH, NO.
- RUDOLPH AND CARLOS,
THEY'RE THE SAME TYPE.
- WHY AREN'T AMERICAN
MEN LIKE THAT?
- OH! DOBIE, THALIA'S
HERE TO SEE YOU.
- OH, HI, THALIA.
- HI, DOBIE. BUENOS
DIAS, CARLOS.
- PLEASURE SEEING
YOU AGAIN, THALIA.
- SURE A BIG SURPRISE HAVING
YOU DROP IN ON ME LIKE THIS, THALIA.
- IT'S ALWAYS NICE
TO SEE YOU... DOBIE.
OH, THERE WAS SOMETHING
I WANTED TO ASK YOU.
- OH, EXCUSE ME.
- OH, CARLOS.
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT THERE?
- OH, SOME PICTURES
I WAS SHOWING DOBIE.
THEY ARE OF MY FATHER.
- WHAT WAS IT YOU
WANTED TO ASK ME, THALIA?
- THE GENERALISSIMO?
OH, I'D LOVE TO SEE THEM. MAY I?
- OF COURSE.
- THALIA, WHAT WAS IT
YOU WANTED TO ASK ME?
- OH, MY, IS HE HANDSOME!
YOU LOOK JUST LIKE HIM.
SAME FEATURES, THE
CHIN, NOSE, AND THE EYES.
- I HAVE MY FATHER'S EYES
AND HE HAS 20-20 VISION.
- HERE IS ONE OF MY
FATHER IN HIS UNIFORM.
- OH, LOOK AT ALL THOSE MEDALS.
ARE THEY REAL GOLD?
- SÍ.
- WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE
A PICTURE OF MY FATHER
IN HIS UNIFORM? HE'S A MOOSE.
- OH, I SURE WOULD LIKE TO
MEET THE GENERALISSIMO.
- THALIA? THALIA?
- OH, HI, DOBIE.
- HI.
WHAT WAS IT YOU
WANTED TO ASK ME?
- WHAT?
- ASK ME? YOU KNOW,
YOU CAME HERE?
- OH, OH, YES, YES.
ABOUT TONIGHT.
- YEAH.
- WOULD YOU LIKE
IT IF WE WENT OUT?
- OH, I SURE WOULD.
- WE COULD MAKE IT A FOURSOME
AND SHOW CARLOS OUR...
- YEAH. SAY, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
SAY, I WONDER WHO
WE OUGHT TO GET,
PAMELA, MARYANN?
- OH, WELL, YOU CAN
BRING ANYONE YOU LIKE.
I'M SURE IT'LL BE
ALL RIGHT WITH US.
- YOU SHOULDN'T TAKE THIS,
LIKE, SITTING DOWN, DOBE.
- DON'T WORRY. I WON'T.
- THEN GET YOURSELF A
CHICK FOR A FOURSOME
AND YOU NEED TO
KEEP YOUR EYE ON THEM.
- DO YOU THINK I'D
BRING ANOTHER GIRL
WHEN HE'S GOT MY GIRL?
THERE'S SUCH A
THING AS MY PRIDE!
BESIDES, I CALLED FIVE
GIRLS AND THEY ALL SAID
THEY WERE BUSY.
- BET THEY WOULDN'T
BE BUSY IF YOU WERE
THAT CARLOS CHARACTER.
- YEAH, THEY SURE
FLIPPED FOR HIM.
- IT'S THAT SMOOCHING BIT.
I GUESS IF YOU WANT A GIRL
EATING OUT OF YOUR HAND,
YOU GOTTA, LIKE, NIBBLE ON HERS.
- YEAH, LATIN AMERICAN CASANOVA.
- HEY, MAYBE WHEN HE
GOES BACK TO TAKE A SIESTA,
WE CAN, LIKE, WORK HIM
OVER AND UGLY HIM UP.
- MAYNARD, WE GOTTA
THINK OF SOME WAY
TO BREAK THIS
THING UP WITH THALIA.
NOW THINK AND TRY
TO CONCENTRATE.
- YEAH, CONCENTRATE.
- THERE MUST BE SOME WAY
TO CROSS UP THIS CARLOS.
HE'S GOTTA HAVE SOME WEAKNESS.
- YEAH, WELL, I
KNOW ONE WEAKNESS.
HE AIN'T HEP TO
THE KING'S ENGLISH,
ASKING ME WHAT
COUNTRY I COME FROM.
- WELL, IT'S HIS FIRST
TIME IN AMERICA.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
ENGLISH!
HE DOESN'T KNOW THE
LANGUAGE TOO WELL
AND TONIGHT HE'LL BE GOING OUT
ON HIS FIRST DATE
WITH AN AMERICAN GIRL.
MAYNARD, I THINK IT'S
ONLY FITTING AND PROPER
THAT WE HELP HIM.
- HELP HIM?
- YEAH!
- LET ME WRITE THESE WORDS
DOWN SO I DON'T FORGET THEM.
- GOOD IDEA, CARLOS.
- IT'S SO NICE OF YOU
TO HELP ME THIS WAY.
- WELL, AFTER ALL,
IT'S YOUR FIRST TIME OUT
WITH AN AMERICAN GIRL
AND YOU DON'T KNOW A LOT
OF THE EXPRESSIONS WE USE.
- YEAH, LIKE THESE
LITTLE PET NAMES
WE'VE BEEN GIVING YOU.
- YEAH, THINGS A GIRL
LIKES TO HEAR FROM A FELLA.
- OH, WE ALMOST FORGOT
A REAL TENDER ONE, CREEP.
- CREEP?
- CREEP.
THAT'S ONE THAT REALLY
GETS THEM RIGHT HERE.
- K-R-E-E-P.
- KREEP.
- AND HERE'S A GOOD ONE, CARLOS.
TUBBY.
- TUBBY.
- TUBBY.
- HEY, DOBIE, REMEMBER
HOW THAT GIRL
WENT FOR YOU WHEN
YOU WERE IN THE CANOE
OUT IN THE MOONLIGHT AND
YOU CALLED HER JUGHEAD?
- JUGHEAD?
- JUGHEAD, YEAH.
YOU KNOW, WINE COMES IN A JUG.
- YEAH, LIKE, RARE WINE.
AND WHEN YOU SAY
THAT TO A GIRL, IT MEANS...
- TO YOU, SHE'S INTOXICATING.
- JUGHEAD.
- AND IF YOU SAY, "YOU'RE
STRICTLY FOR THE BIRDS..."
- OH, THAT'S, LIKE,
A REAL COMPLIMENT.
- UH-HUH. YEAH.
- STRICTLY FOR THE BIRDS.
- YEAH. YOU KNOW,
BIRDS, LOVEBIRDS,
LIKE BILLING AND COOING.
- I'D BETTER GET READY NOW.
- WAIT. AND THIS IS VERY
IMPORTANT, CARLOS.
A FELLA NEVER OFFERS
TO PAY A CHECK FOR A GIRL.
SHE HAS TO PAY HER OWN SHARE.
- OH? THAT IS VERY STRANGE.
- IF YOU PAY FOR A GIRL,
WHAT ARE PEOPLE GONNA THINK?
CARLOS, YOU KNOW.
- IT ISN'T CRICKET.
- WELL, I HAVE TO MEET
THALIA AT THE MALT SHOP.
BUT WITH ALL THIS HELP
YOU HAVE GIVEN ME,
LIKE YOU SAY, I SHOULD FLIP HER.
- AND THERE'S A WONDERFUL
MOVIE AT THE BIJOU,
"THE MONSTER THAT
DEVOURED CLEVELAND."
WE COULD SEE THAT
AND THEN WE COULD... OH,
YOU'VE NEVER SEEN OUR PARK.
I COULD TAKE YOU
TO THAT AND THEN
WE COULD COME
BACK HERE FOR A SODA.
THERE ARE JUST LOTS
OF THINGS TO... CARLOS,
WHY ARE YOU STARING
AT ME LIKE THAT?
- TELL ME, HAS ANYBODY
EVER CALLED YOU JUGHEAD?
- JUGHEAD?
- FORGIVE ME, TUBBY.
IT JUST SLIPPED OUT.
- TUBBY?
- WE LATIN AMERICANS,
IT IS OUR WAY.
WHEN WE FEEL SOMETHING,
WE COME RIGHT OUT AND SAY IT.
- THAT'LL BE 20 CENTS, PLEASE.
- HERE'S MY 10 CENTS.
- HERE'S MY 10 CENTS.
- THALIA?
- WELL, YOU READY,
CREEP? SHALL WE LEAVE?
- CREEP, JUGHEAD, TUBBY.
- I SHOULD NOT
CALL YOU LIKE THAT?
- OH, WITH THAT CUTE
ACCENT OF YOURS,
YOU COULD CALL ME ANYTHING
JUST AS LONG AS
YOU KEEP CALLING.
BUT ABOUT THAT CHECK, CARLOS.
THAT WASN'T VERY NICE.
- NOT VERY NICE?
- NO. I'M SHOWING YOU
AROUND. YOU'RE MY GUEST.
YOU SHOULD HAVE LET
ME PAY THE WHOLE THING.
- YOU'RE A REAL SLOB.
LET US GO.
I HAVE A FEELING THIS WILL
BE A VERY CRUMMY EVENING.
- HOW ABOUT THAT?
SHE, LIKE, LIKED IT.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW?
- I DON'T KNOW.
HOW CAN YOU FIGHT A GUY
WITH AN ACCENT LIKE THAT?
COMES HERE FROM SOUTH
AMERICA AND TAKES OVER.
HE COULD HAVE ANY GIRL HE WANTS.
IF I WERE IN HIS COUNTRY,
THINGS WOULD BE DIFFERENT.
I'D BE THE ONE WITH THE ACCENT.
IF MY FATHER WAS A
GENERAL AND WAS RICH,
THINGS WOULD BE THE
OTHER WAY AROUND.
- HEY, THAT ONE WITH CARLOS.
HE'S NEW AROUND HERE.
- SÍ. HE LOOKS LIKE
AMERICANO MUCHACHO.
- OH, CHA-CHA-CHA.
- BUENAS NOCHES, SEÑORITAS.
- BUENAS NOCHES, CARLOS.
- I WOULD LIKE YOU TO MEET
MY NEW BOARDER, DOBIE GILLIS.
DOBIE, THIS IS MARYANNITA,
PAMELITA AND THALIAITA.
- OH!
- OH, GRACIAS!
- OLÉ!
- OH!
- IT'S THE CUSTOM
WHERE I COME FROM.
I'M FROM THE UNITED STATES.
OH!
OLÉ!
- YANKEE, DON'T GO HOME.
- DON'T WORRY. I WON'T.
- OH, THAT KISS! IT
IS LIKE A KISS OF FIRE.
IT SETS MY HEART AFLAME!
- DIG THAT LOCO AMERICANO.
HE'S LIKE A WALKING HOT TAMALE!
- OH, KISS ME AGAIN.
- WELL, YOU'LL HAVE TO
MAKE AN APPOINTMENT.
LET'S SEE NOW.
I CAN SEE YOU FOR A KISS
A WEEK FROM NOW, YEAH.
BE HERE AT 3:00 ALL PUCKERED UP.
- OH, YOU HAVE
THE CUTEST ACCENT.
HE DOES NOT SAY
KEES, HE SAY KISS.
SAY IT AGAIN.
- KISS!
- I DON'T MIND IF I DO.
- DIG THIS HOT TAMALE.
NOW HE'S ON THE FLIP SIDE.
- OH, MY FATHER.
HELLO, GENERAL FATHER.
- YOUR FATHER IS GENERALISSIMO?
OH, AND SO HANDSOME.
OH, AND YOU LOOK JUST LIKE HIM.
YOU HAVE HIS NOSE,
HIS CHIN, HIS EYES.
- AND WHEN HE KICKS
OFF, I'LL HAVE HIS MONEY.
- OH, YOU'VE GOT
SUCH A CUTE ACCENT.
YOU DO NOT SAY
MOONEY, YOU SAY MONEY.
SAY IT AGAIN.
- MONEY.
- I'M GLAD YOU'RE BACK, DOBE.
BEEN, LIKE, OUT OF THIS WORLD.
- YEAH, MAYNARD, I'VE
BEEN OUT OF THIS WORLD.
- OH. DID YOU SEE
ANYBODY I KNOW?
- SON, IS THIS WHERE YOU
COME TO THINK THINGS OUT
WHEN SOMETHING BUGS YOU?
- YEAH, DAD.
- MIND IF I JOIN YOU?
- NO. GO RIGHT AHEAD.
- $48 FOR A NEW RUG,
$108 FOR DRAPES.
NOW SHE WANTS TO
WALLPAPER HIS ROOM.
SAYS THAT NEW WALLPAPER
WILL MAKE THE ROOM LOOK LARGER.
PERSONALLY, IT'D LOOK
A LOT LARGER TO ME
WITHOUT HIM IN IT.
AS IF THIS SPENDING
SPREE WASN'T ENOUGH,
NOW SHE'S ON AN ETIQUETTE KICK.
CARLOS GETS UP WHEN
SHE COMES INTO A ROOM,
I GOT TO GET UP WHEN
SHE COMES INTO A ROOM.
CARLOS WEARS A
COAT AND TIE TO DINNER,
I GOT TO WEAR A COAT
AND TIE TO DINNER.
EVERYTHING'S GETTING SO FANCY.
NEXT THING, SHE'LL WANT
ME TO STARCH MY APRON.
NO DOUBT ABOUT IT, SON.
OUR GOOD NEIGHBOR FROM THE SOUTH
HAS GOT TO GO... SOUTH.
- WELL, THERE'S
NOTHING WE CAN DO, DAD,
ESPECIALLY WITH THE
WAY MOM FEELS ABOUT HIM.
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
AND THIS AFTERNOON, HE'S
BRINGING HIS FATHER OVER.
ONCE THE GENERALISSIMO
STARTS KISSING
YOUR MOTHER'S HAND,
YOU'LL NEVER GET RID OF CARLOS
AND I'LL NEVER GET RID
OF THE GENERALISSIMO.
- YES, PAPA, IT'S
THE GILLIS STORE.
[ SPEAKING SPANISH ]
- TUBBY.
- TUBBY.
- STRICTLY FOR THE BIRDS.
- STRICTLY FOR THE BIRDS.
STRICTLY FOR THE BIRDS.
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
- THAT MUST BE CARLOS
WITH HIS FATHER.
OH, I HOPE HE
APPROVES OF OUR HOME.
- FATHER, MAY I
PRESENT MRS. GILLIS?
- I AM VERY HONORED,
GENERALISSIMO.
- AND THIS IS DOBIE GILLIS.
- HOW DO YOU DO?
- MY FATHER HAS AN APPOINTMENT
AND CAN ONLY STAY A MINUTE.
BUT I WANTED HIM TO MEET
YOU AND TO SEE WHERE I'M LIVING.
- OH, HOW NICE.
- SO, THIS IS MY SON'S LODGINGS.
STRICTLY FOR THE BIRDS.
WELL, IF YOU DON'T MIND, CREEP,
I'LL GO AND SEE MY SON'S ROOM.
- DID YOU HEAR
WHAT HE CALLED ME?
- YEAH, MOM, HE
CALLED YOU A CREEP.
- CREEP?
AND DID YOU HEAR WHAT
HE SAID ABOUT OUR HOUSE?
- YEAH, HE THINKS IT'S
STRICTLY FOR THE BIRDS.
- WELL...
- I'VE SEEN MY SON'S ROOM.
CRUMMY.
YOUR WHOLE HOUSE IS CRUMMY
AND YOU, YOU ARE VERY CRUMMY.
WELL, I MUST BE GOING.
ADIOS, JERK.
- ADIOS.
- GOODBYE, BLUBBER.
- CREEP? BLUBBER?
- JERK.
- JERK? WELL,
IF THAT'S THE WAY HE FEELS
ABOUT OUR HOME AND ABOUT US,
THEN I DON'T WANT HIS
SON STAYING HERE ANYMORE!
AND THE SOONER HE GETS
HIS THINGS OUT, THE BETTER!
- YOU'RE RIGHT, MOM.
I'LL GO TELL CARLOS
AND I HAVE A FEW THINGS
TO SAY TO HIS FATHER TOO!
- NOW, DOBIE, DON'T
LOSE YOUR TEMPER
AND HIT HIM!
- HIT HIM? I COULD KISS HIM.
- AND YOU SHOULD
HAVE SEEN MOM'S FACE
WHEN HE CALLED HER BLUBBER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
- WHAT DID YOU TELL
CARLOS AND HIS FATHER?
- WELL, I JUST TOLD THEM
DAVEY WAS COMING
BACK FROM COLLEGE
AND WE NEEDED THE ROOM.
YES, SIR, I'VE REALLY BEEN
USING MY HEAD LATELY
AND I THINK I DESERVE
SOME KIND OF REWARD.
DAD, I'D LIKE TO TELL THALIA
THAT YOU RAISED MY ALLOWANCE.
- WELL, YOU CAN
TELL THALIA THAT, SON.
- AW, GEE, THANKS, DAD.
- WHAT DO I CARE
IF YOU LIE TO HER?
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪